


Staring at the Sun

by LetZoeSpoilYou



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Kryptonian, Kryptonian Ray Palmer, M/M, Mick Rory - Freeform, Mick/Ray, Ray Palmer - Freeform, Self-Harm, atomwave, kryptonian ray, mentions of child abuse, new powers, surpressed memories
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-09
Updated: 2018-11-03
Packaged: 2018-12-13 08:37:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 54
Words: 220,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11756088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LetZoeSpoilYou/pseuds/LetZoeSpoilYou
Summary: Ray is kryptonian and was meant to be this Earths Superman but when his parents found his pod they used thier discovery for science not wanting anyone to work out where they came up with tings like a new energy source they found a way to block Rays powers. Ray now uses his humour and optimism as a sheild to hide the fact that his parents were a bit cold and distant with him and he's surpressed his memories of being experimented on.Cut to present and the device is damaged and his powers start to emerge plus his tramatic memoires. Mick is the one who helps him deal with his past trauma while also starting to freak out that Ray keeps putting himself in more and more dangerous situations to test the new limits of his body and powers!





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Trying something a little darker, the idea just really wanted to be explored!

Staring at the Sun

He was being shouted at again, his mother scolding him, angry and with a look of panic in her eyes. He had hoped that it was something to do with putting his health in danger and that she was worried about him and was only so angry because like any good parent she cared and sometimes when you worry it comes out like fear or anger. Unfortunately the arrival of his father and the frantic conversation they shared, the immediate array of devices and instruments being waved over him and words such as “asset”, “experiment” and “investments” didn’t seem to fit with the idea of worried parents. He immediately ran to his room his young heart pounding in his chest and tears threatening to sting his young eyes. 

He wished his room brought comfort but it was cold and clinical, a few scattered toys and a TV but mostly books and scientific equipment. The only light was from the artificial lighting. The same lighting the rest of the house had, well with the difference of an unnatural orange glow from the basement. A place he feared more than anything, a place his parents kept telling him was for his “treatments” and his own private medical facility. The other light was upstairs, a warm glow from the very front of the house, a glow that came from windows that looked out into the real world. This was natural light, he’d seen it on his TV but never in person.

He was only a child though and he obeyed his parents every wish and desire, after all he had a terrible disease. If he so much as went near sunlight its UV rays would kill him. That was why his mum was so mad, he’d got curious and could no longer control his childlike curiosity. He walked from his room down the corridor towards the front of the house, towards the entrance hall and where that natural light was. As he got closer his frail body had begun to feel so much better. How could something so deadly feel so good, he didn’t feel weak at all as he stepped towards the beam of sunlight streaming through the window? Then there was a crash of a glass, as he spun to see his mother staring at him in horror, she screamed at him causing him to fall backwards in fear. She grabbed his arm and tugged and for a moment he didn’t move. 

He wasn’t sure if it was the fright that had done it but her tug hadn’t pulled him and he was sure that he didn’t want to go back to his room. But he was also sure he didn’t want his mother shouting at him, so he let himself get tugged back away from the front of the house as that warmth departed him. Once away from the light and further into the house he was standing in his mother’s study, being both berated and scanned like a lab rat, like his little adventure may have ruined one of his parent’s really important pieces of research. 

He was often told that his parents work was changing the world and that he had to be a good obedient boy otherwise it could mess up their research and he didn’t want to hurt his parents. It was a lot of pressure for a child to be told that he had to be on his best behaviour or his parents could be in trouble, they could lose funding or worse mess up their work and then how would they help cure him, did he want to die, to leave them. He certainly didn’t want to leave them bereaving and lost because of the loss of their child, no he had to be a good boy and make sure they were happy. 

Now he cowered in his room as his mother went in to check on him. He expected the usual talk, on how could he put himself in danger, did he know what losing him would do to his parents, didn’t he realise his life could have been threatened, hadn’t his parents worked hard to make sure he was safe from the dangers of outside and how did he repay them by nearly getting himself killed. What he didn’t expect was the sharp slap across his face and the sting on his cheek. This was the final straw as tears ran down his young face.  
He looked into the cold eyes of his mother hoping for the comforting hug or words of apology but instead all she said was say that she needed a blood sample to make sure he’d not done any damage. He sat still sniffing as tears pathetically dropped from his chin and she took what was needed. His father soon entered the room a needle in hand and looked at him disapprovingly. He said something about this being for his own good and he was given the injection and soon felt his eyes close. He hated this moment, no matter how much this injection was meant to knock him out he always had vague memories. He would see into the darkness and images of scalpels and screams, of monitors blinking and the electric hum of machinery. He drifted off into unconscious already fearing the eventual waking in his “treatment room”. The last thing he heard was “that was close, we have to up security he’s too valuable to be allowed to wonder freely”.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Ray woke suddenly, he could feel the panic attack! He was over heating as he desperately threw his covers off him but then got suddenly cold as the sheen of sweat on him cooled his skin. He was dizzy and felt almost like he was underwater, vaguely he heard Gideon’s voice saying something along the line of “Dr Palmer I am registering an unusual heart rate, should I call for help”. Ray immediately replied no and that it was just a nightmare. He didn’t really remember the next part but when he came too he was sitting on the bottom of his shower and he could still remember his mother’s anger, the prick of needles and the sting of a scalpel. But soon the memory faded and like always he couldn’t hold onto it long enough to put it together. 

Ray took a few deep breaths and reminded himself he wasn’t the sickly child he’d been anymore and that his parents had found a way to cure his condition. He was cured and he didn’t ever need to think about clinical bedrooms and weirdly lit basements. They said as long as he ate right and kept up his exercise he’d never relapsed. Now he kept his body a temple, no sugar or wheat and plenty of exercise. Nope he was now a well-rounded individual in the peak of physical fitness, he’d had an affluent upbringing that allowed him to study hard and eventually break out on his own. He had built his own company and then came the atomsuit. Now Ray Palmer was a time travelling superhero and no flashbacks to his childhood could take that away. Still it felt that he was missing something, there was something he’d blocked from his memory. For now though returning to bed seemed the best idea after all a healthy body requires a healthy amount of sleep. Ray crawled back into bed and easily feel asleep the memory of cold calculating eyes just out of focus.


	2. Chapter 1

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 1

This mission had been simple, infiltrate museum and steal back an artefact that had clearly come from a future time line. The museum staff thought that it was some obsidian replica to an ancient deity and had it displayed thusly. The Legends had worked out that it was in fact the welded remains of an energy orb and the machine it once piloted. For one thing it was going to start leaking a form of radiation as it decomposed and for another if the museum staff decided to take a closer look, give it a scan or anything they’d work out pretty quick that it was definitely not what it appeared to be.

Mick was loving the mission finally something that was perfect for his skill set and he had been put in charge of working out how to get past security and retrieve the item. He’d immediately put Ray on his team knowing that he was both uniquely qualified for heists with the ability to shrink and get into small spaces and his tech skills were perfect for getting round security systems. He was pretty confident this mission was a two man job and since the whole Legion of Doom incident he and Ray had come to some silent agreement that they did in fact make a good team, they were partners. Mick had to admit that Ray had been there the most for him, memories of a Russian gulag hard to forget, Ray had had his back, had saved his life and had spoken up for him. Ray and Amaya were two team mates that never shown fear of him.

It had been Amaya that had come to talk to him and said when he choose the Legion and the team were discussing how he could do such a thing, hadn’t they treated him like one of then, it was Ray that had spoken up and admitted, “well had they”. Ray had felt bad and guilty not because Mick choose the Legion because he’d not done enough to have given Mick a reason not to. Mick hated the idiot, he had a way of getting under Mick’s skin that he just didn’t understand but when he had realised that “perfect” world Thawne had created felt like it was missing something it had been Ray he’d sought out knowing that if anyone could right it well it would be super nerd and genius Ray Palmer.

Mick couldn’t help respect the man, he was an utter pain, naive, optimistic, always happy and constantly making stupid mistakes trying to do the right thing. He had no common sense and was so unaware of himself half the time. With his brain and looks he would have been a master thief to rival Len and with his physique he certainly would be able to take anyone in a fight but nope he had to act like one of those giant dogs that really wanted to be a lap dog. Well if no one else was gonna look out for the idiot then it would have to be Mick. Amaya had looked at him a little too sweetly after telling him she said she was very glad he was back on the team and so was Ray, in fact he should probably go talk to Ray who was still upset cause he thought Mick hated him.

Mick hadn’t like the way she said it, it felt a little too matchmaker and he’d had said he did hate Ray just that somebody had to watch his back. She had smiled at him knowingly and he was just so very confused. He had no intentions of going to see Ray and talk about his feelings, Haircut was a big boy and does nothing but talk about feelings, if he has something to tell Mick no doubt he’d be loitering outside his room in no time. After finishing a beer Amaya went off to find Nate and Mick retired to his room. Ray never did turn up to discuss his ‘feelings’ and Mick was grateful. But after a couple more missions he just couldn’t work out why he was getting annoyed with Ray. Ray babbling fountain of nonsense, either chatting tech that made no sense or somehow being exactly where Mick was or wanted to be when either of them were dealing with stuff just wasn’t.

Mick still feeling the awkwardness of betraying the team went for his usual visit to the mess for a beer run knowing Ray would be eating his feelings and they’d have one of those moments where it would all make sense again. But no Ray, no mountain of baked goods and no damn horrible conversation about feelings! So Mick decided it was time to tinker with the heatgun, make some modifications get a second opinion from Ray so he could get his ear talked off with technobabble and he could tell him to shut up. Ray would be in the cargo bay playing with that damn suit of his, he probably wouldn’t have slept or eaten forgetting himself so Mick grabbed a few extra beers, because they could be nourishment right.

Again no Ray and Mick didn’t get why this pissed him off so the next time he saw Amaya he asked where Haircut was and again didn’t approve of the smile she gave him. But apparently he was hanging out with Nate, they’d been doing some training to be more prepared in a fight in case they found themselves without suit or powers again. Mick huffed and immediately regretted the next thing he said because of the expression on Amaya’s face.

“If Haircut wants to know how to fight he should have come to me, I’d teach him a thing or two. He needs a real man for something like this” He was pretty sure he’d meant nothing more than that, he’d never had powers and he was damn good in a fight. But Amaya had raised an eyebrow and looked at him knowingly, what the hell did she know he didn’t.

“So Ray needs a real man does he Mick, I suppose Nate doesn’t count, for starters not his type but you, you’d teach him a few things I’m sure”

She was smiling at him and he really didn’t appreciate the weird subtext in her words so he just grunted angrily and went to find the nerd twins. Once in the spare cargo bay that was now used to train in, he hovered in the door. He was very much ready to laugh at the two idiots and their poor fighting prowess. He was a little surprized though because Ray looked good, his form had improved and he could throw a punch much better than Nate, in fact he had the upper hand in ever fight. In his tank top you could tell those muscled arms weren’t for show and his height was an advantage, it all went wrong when he got over confident and Nate took advantage.

Both of them had a long way to go to survive in any real kind of fight but the thing that made Mick announce his presence was when Nate did get the upper hand grabbing Ray round the waist and knocking him to the ground. Nate was smiling all too gleefully and Mick didn’t know why he just knew that he didn’t like it so gave a short mocking laugh causing booth men to turn to him. 

“You fight like girls, both of you. You’ve never been in bar fight have you” Mick said watching the two men get to their feet and staring daggers at Nate when he offered Ray his hand to get up.

“In my defence since joining the team I’ve been in a few, that time in the Wild West and when I punched a Nazi” Ray replied smiling at Mick looking pleased to see him.

“Ok Haircut, I’ll give you that, prob why you could kick pretty’s ass in a real fight” Mick said making sure Ray got his intention. There was a flash in Ray’s eyes, something like sadness or hurt at Micks use of the word pretty and Mick made a mental note to think of a new nickname for Nate. Not because he didn’t want to hurt Ray just because well truth be told if anyone was pretty it was Ray but he was already Haircut. 

Mick put down the beers and walked up to Ray and continued,

“You punch well Haircut but get overconfident and lose your concentration, you also expect the person fighting you to fight fair” Mick coached and Ray nodded taking the advice in.

“Thanks Mick” Ray said and Mick felt a little of that pride knowing that Ray actually listens to him. “Um if you wouldn’t mind you could help us spar?” Ray asked and Mick gave a shrug.

“Got nothing better to do might as well show you how to fight, but fair warning Haircut not gonna hold back” Mick said shrugging off his jacket and making sure he ignored Nate and got Ray’s full attention.

“So Haircut show me your form and then well let’s see how many times I beat your ass before you call time out” Mick said smirking at Ray.

“Hey, I can hold my own so bring it I’m ready for you” Ray replied his voice holding excitement. But before they could begin Nate cleared his throat.

“So Ray, I’m gonna go hit shower and find Amaya, see you for movie night later” Nate said obviously not enjoying being ignored and Mick took great pleasure watching him back out in fear under his angry gaze. Ray the oblivious puppy he was just said “sure buddy” before his attention went back to Mick.

This was how they got back on the same page not with emotional speeches and words but with training. After a couple of sessions Ray still couldn’t beat Mick but he never gave up and Mick never went easy on him which was something both men respected and appreciated. From then on whenever they went on a mission and Sara announced who would go with who Mick always said “I’m with Haircut!” He had the line “someone has to watch his back” ready to go but after a few missions Sara just naturally paired them up. Ray was happy about it and just before their current mission stopped Mick.

“Um Mick are we partners again?” Ray asked with a mix of uncertainly and hopefulness.

“Yeah fine Haircut, Partners. Now stop acting like a girl and have you memorized those security codes I gave you” Mick replied as Ray smiled, that smile that was pure sunshine as he nodded and confirmed he’d studied the security system. Mick noticed Amaya whispering something to Sara and her nod of agreement and they smiled at them with Nate asking, what? And both women going “we’ll tell you when you’re ready” causing Nate to sulk and the two female members of team Legends giggling at something only they seemed to know.

Nate and Amaya were going in as ‘experts’ to look at the artefact and then distract the museum directors. Hopefully hold them up in a meeting with their knowledge. It was right up their street between the two of them they had ancient and mysterious artefacts down. Sara was going in as their body guard, archaeologists these days carried very rare and expensive items therefore extra security while they travelled was a must. Jax and Stein were on the ship as back up and keep an eye on strange reading from the item they were off to steal.

It was meant to be an easy mission and they were all set, they couldn’t have been more ready. Everything was going smoothly, the museums staff had not only been totally impressed with Nate and Amaya they had offered them a look at some private items in the storage area and thus far away from the artefact. This gave Mick and Ray total run of the museum as most of the security team was acting as back up for the party now in the private storage area. Any other security person was easy enough for a shrunken Ray to get close to and administer a sleeping agent that would knock them out for a few hours. 

Ray had got into the security room, knocked out the two guards on duty there and hacked the system. All the cameras were on loop of some old footage and Mick was able to just walk up to the item. Ray had created a small device that he attached to the stand and it bent the beams around the artefact so he could just reach in and take it. Easiest heist ever as he bagged the good and signalled for Ray to meet him so they could make their way out. Mick had entered through one of the glass panels on the roof of the museum and while lowering himself down had been damn easy going up would take time. Unless of course you had a partners in a super suit that could just fly the two of you out of there!  
Ray appeared a few minutes after looking very pleased with himself and Mick had to agree it had been a job well done. Ray put his hand up for a high five and Mick decided that for once he’d humour the nerd, he’d done good, no one was around to see it and why not. It was worth it for the adoring look on Ray’s face and Mick had to admit it was nice that someone looked at him like that. Now it was just a quick zip back up through the roof, the artefact was safe in Micks bag and Ray went to put his arms round Mick’s waist to fly them both out of there. With his suit on Ray was even taller than Mick, normally the extra inch between them didn’t even register but Mick wasn’t so sure about this being slightly more tucked under Rays chin also he had no idea where to put his damn hands.

They had been training together, fighting and grappling and for the first time both men felt a weird unspoken awkwardness about standing there practically face to face Ray’s arms tight around Micks waist and Mick desperately not trying to put his arms round Ray’s neck but feeling weird about them resting on Rays hips. Much to Micks relief it was Ray that said it be easier to fly with Mick facing the other way. Was its Mick’s imagination or had Ray been starting to blush as he turned around Ray hooked his arms under his armpits and placed them on Micks shoulders and then flew them out of the museum with ease.

Whatever weird moment that happened soon came to pass at the arrival of the rest of the team and the Waverider de-cloaking. It was then the panicked voice of Stein shouted into the comms devices. 

“The power orb is showing weird readings, I think the radiation is gonna start leaking sooner than we thought , you need to get out of there and we need to find somewhere to deposit it now!”

Sara ordered the team back on board immediately and to seal the power orb in the brig hoping that the cell walls might shield the leaking radiation. Stein and Ray went to work immediately on trying to reinforce the shielding so that the orb didn’t leak radiation out and end up killing them all. They also decided the best place to release it was the temporal zone, it was so full of energy that if the device exploded there it would just add to the abundant space radiation.

The problem was if it exploded before they got into the temporal zone and away from their current location. Mick turned to her and said “Haircut’s on it” as if that basically meant all their problems would be fine.

“Mick I get you trust Ray and I do to he’s our expert and all but sometimes isn’t always our best man at judging his own personal safety” Sara added.

“Were good Sara, entering temporal zone now let’s drop this time bomb and get as far away as possible” Came Jax’s voice and the team gave a sign of relief. That’s when things went bad, when things went the kind of bad that only Ray Palmer could create.

“Um I hate to worry all of you” Came Martins very worried voice, “But to get the orb out someone had to go into the brig and put a shielding device around it”.

Mick’s heart dropped, there was only one person who would willing walk into a room filled with deadly radiation without waiting for other options and that was Ray.

“What’s Haircut done!” Mick asked and he saw Sara coming to the same conclusion.

“Ray please tell me you didn’t just get into a room filled with deadly radiation to get the orb” she asked.

“Well not much need to tell you that now is there” Ray answered “Look I have my suit set up to filter the radiation maybe even absorb some of it as an extra energy source, I really am the only one who could have done it. The orb has a temporary shield and all I need to do is head to a cargo bay open the door and release it” Ray explained.

“last time you got released into the temporal zone you crashed in Japan, nearly died, lost your suit and then had it destroyed” Sara said and then she saw the look on Micks face, the one that said Ray’s playing the self-sacrificing hero.

“Ray please say you’re not getting radiation damage, you have a plan to get the orb out without you being blown into the temporal zone” Sara asked.

“Yes on all counts, come on guys this is me what’s the worse that can happen” Ray said and Mick felt that weird sensation he got when he wasn’t around to have Rays back.

“I’m heading to the cargo bay” Mick announced and turned to walk out but Sara stopped him.

“Mick I get what your feeling but Ray’s right, his suit can protect him from the radiation we gotta trust him on this” She said and Mick knew she was right but hated he couldn’t do anything.

“Look guys I can’t be certain but if I steel up the radiation shouldn’t affect me too much right” Nate offered but no one looked convinced. “ok how about we let Ray do his plan but as soon as he opens the cargo doors I get there steel up and grab him just in case he gets pulled out” Nate offered as a counter plan.

Mick glared at the man but his weird jealously, not that Mick was jealous of Ray and Nates Friendship, still made him glare at the guy. But he knew there was a chance that could work and if it meant keeping Ray from being blown out into the temporal zone it was worth a shot.

“Fine, tinman over here has a point” Mick begrudgingly said and Nate left to make sure Ray didn’t get himself blown away.

It was a tense time, no one spoke apart from Sara demanding updates and then Ray replied in his cheery voice.

“Good news the orb is released into the temporal zone and I’m closing the cargo door, Oh Nate! Nates here!” Ray chirped and the team breathed a sigh of relief.

“Um bad news just before I released it the field collapsed, not sure how much radiation was released, most must have been pulled out the rest the suit absorbed, pretty sure I’m fine!” Ray said his usual non plussed by almost dying ever present in his voice. 

“Damn it haircut!” Mick muttered and Sara had no agree. “Gideon can you scan Ray make sure he’s ok and have med bay ready”. 

But before any of this could happen there was an explosion and the Waverider shock viciously. The orb had finally lost stability and exploded but worse it was causing some kind of reaction to the temporal zone. Gideon informed them that in fact a temporal storm was being caused, as energy blasts hit the Waverider. There was no telling what damage it was causing and the ship was thrown around and Gideon informed them of how many systems where going off line or being damaged. As consuls exploded Sara announced that ‘she could see that’ as thing began to fall apart around them.

“Ray, Nate is the Cargo door closed!” Sara asked and Nate’s worried voice replied.

“Yes, but not before one of those temporal storm bolts hit Ray!”

“What” Sara said in panic and Mick immediately headed towards the cargo bay. “Nate what’s his condition” Sara asked desperately concerned for her friend.

“I don’t know, can’t get near him I think its frying the suit, he’s having a seizure, it doesn’t look good, I’m hoping steeling up can get him to med bay” Nate answered back not even able to hide the panic in his voice! 

Mick found them halfway between the cargo bay and med bay Nate clearly struggling with not just the weight of Ray in his suit but the fact that the electrics were frying and sparking and Ray was unconscious.

“Mick!” Came Nate’s panicked voice, “He stopped seizing, I don’t know what’s happening, he’s barely breathing!” Nate looked panicked and totally unprepared for how to deal with this and while Mick wanted to have his own freak out but he needed to be calm for his partner.

“Damn it, get him out that suit!” Mick shouted and immediately started to take Ray from Nate and lay him on the floor. Any part he could release he could, having spent the last few weeks together Mick now knew a lot more about the suit than before, he knew where the releases were and the one for emergencies if Ray was unconscious and couldn’t get it off himself. The sparks burnt his hands but it was nothing compared to the already burnt skin on his arms and the familiar feeling of dead nerves, this he could handle. Nate stared at Mick furiously tying to unlatch and pull of the suit and then swear when something would come undone.

“What are you staring at, help pull this damn thing off him!” Mick barked at Nate and the man sprang into action until Ray was free of his suit. Mick checked his breathing before lifting Ray into his arms and heading to med bay at a sprint. Once there he put Ray on the bed and let Gideon and Stein do their thing. He had no idea what was spoken then, didn’t hear or see the arrival of the others, all he could do was look at Ray’s lifeless form as the man got paler and paler. Ray’s heart rate was dropping and that’s when Mick registered the sound of flat lining. Mick then started to panic. 

“Doc do something now, Gideon I swear!” Mick started to shout looking like he was going to punch Martin. It was Amaya at his side that put a hand on his arm and tried to still him, she didn’t need words and he didn’t need that look as he shock her off.

“Don’t you dare Haircut! Haircut, Ray damn it are you listening!” Mick started to shout and then Sara stepped in front of him hand on his chest.

“You’re not helping Mick” she said trying to get him to make eye contact with her to bring him back from whatever furious rage he was about to go into. But the sound of Gideon administrating a shock to get Rays heart pumping made everyone turn round and look at their team mate. A silence fell over the team, each and every one counting the seconds. Another shock and suddenly Ray’s eyes flew open and he coughed trying to breathe desperately but began to panic.

“Ray calm, you’ve got to calm” Came Steins voice and then Ray started to seize again.

Mick had witnessed a lot in his life, he’d seen horrific acts of violence, some even at his own hand but this was by far the most horrible thing he’d ever seen. Ray’s body fitted and thrashed, his eyes rolling back, his nose had started to bleed and a thin stream of foam appeared at the side of his mouth. Stein shouted for help to hold him still and immediately Mick went to his partner’s side gritting his teeth and hoping this nightmare would end. Then finally stillness and Ray’s small breaths could be heard and Mick let out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding. Again Mick ignored the noise and chattered around him, he heard something about “heart rate” and “brain waves” but none of that mattered as Ray was alive. 

Micks heart sank when he look at Rays face, small trail of foam and blood marring that face and his eyes were open but there was nothing there, none of the warmth or intelligence that sparkled in them. Mick for the first time in a very long time wanted to cry, the pain he was feeling now was unfamiliar and terrifying and there was nothing he could do. It was again Amaya that approached him and finally he looked at her,

“Gideon is gonna induce a coma, he has more chance to recover like that!” she explained and then tried to explain further before he stopped her.

“Spare me the medical jargon is Haircut gonna be ok?” Mick said and the look on her face, the reluctance to speak and the sadness said it all.

“We don’t know Mick, but this is Ray I mean he cheats death like an art form” She said with a weak voice.

Sara was now over by Ray, concern and torment at seeing her friend like this etched over her face as she accepted a wet cloth from Martin to clean the blood and drool from his face. Mick sometimes forgot that he wasn’t the only one that Ray had got to, someone as tough and independent as Sara was also pretty close to him. Nate looked shell shocked and miserable as Amaya went to check on him and try and get him to calm down no doubt blaming himself for not getting to the cargo bay fast enough. He could hear her telling him it would have made no difference and if he’d been there sooner he too might have been hit by the stray temporal radiation. Jax looked pissed like he wanted to do something but hated he couldn’t help as he went to talk to Stein their firestorm bond clearly making it easier for them to share the pain.

Mick did the only thing he knew he could and walked over to one of the other monitors and threw it at a wall, it made a satisfying crashing noise as it fell apart. The rest of the team didn’t even reprimand him for it as he then kicked the remains relishing in the feel of metal cracking beneath his boot. 

“Mister Rory if you’re done, please don’t destroy my med bay” Came Gideon’s voice and Mick just glared death daggers at the ceiling where the voice came from.

“Dr Palmer is stable but I need time to assess his injuries and whether he has suffered permanent brain damage, please let him rest and I will inform you all when I have news”

Gideon continued and as much as no one wanted to leave they knew this was a hint to get out and let Gideon do her job. There was nothing any of them could do and while it would plague them all they had to let Gideon work.

“Ok team, we have a ship to fix, Gideon any change at all you let us know” Sara said and the rest of the team flowed her out.

The Waverider had made a bumpy exit from the time stream and was now floating in space barely holding itself together with very little power. Jax went straight to work and with Martin by his side they explained what needed fixing and in what order. Most of the team were happy to have jobs to keep them busy until they heard more about Ray’s condition but Mick just stood there. He couldn’t get the images out of his head and wanted to go and drink till he passed out and maybe find some more things to smash. Sara must have sensed this as she walked up to him purposely,

“Looks like a load of debris has blocked the corridor to the mess, needs pulling apart and breaking down” She said and Mick stared at her, “Come on Mick help me trash the debris, looks like a lot will need to just be ripped out and broken down. Once we clear a path to the mess then we can rescue a bottle a vodka I’ve been hiding in a ventilation shaft!” she continued and Mick nodded appreciating what she was offering. They both needed to break something and they both needed a drink. Maybe they would kill enough time for Gideon to fix Ray and the three of them would be drinking vodka and laughing at how wrong the mission went yet again. The tight feeling in Micks chest wasn’t helping this thought at all as he followed Sara down the corridor and away from where Ray was being treated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Ray I am going to be putting him through the ringer in this fic!


	3. Chapter 2

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 2

“How’s he doing Gideon” Martin asked concerned for his friend, while he was no medical doctor the team had unofficially recognised him as such and he felt obligated to check in on Ray and make sure his vitals were good. The strange thing was if anyone should double up as a ships doctor it would be Ray he’d put more study in the field and when they had accidental stopped George Lucas from making Star Wars it came to light that Ray would have ended up a heart surgeon. He could really do with Ray’s input rather than him being the one in the coma. 

“No change at the moment doctor Stein but his breathing is stable, I did find an anomaly but am unsure if it is related” Gideon replied as Stein was wiping sweat off Rays brow, even in a coma he didn’t look peaceful.

“Explain, Gideon” Martin asked.

“There seems to be a very small micro chip in Doctor Palmer’s brain, it was barely detectable ad only because of the intense and in depth brain scans I’ve been running have I noticed it. I’m not sure if it’s related to the running of the atom suit but it appears to be at least 20 years old judging by the materials. That being said it is also very advanced technology” Gideon explained and Martin didn’t really know what to say.

“Is it harming him, was it damaged?” Martin asked.

“According to Doctor Palmers medical records he was very poorly as a child with a rare medical condition, he was treated by his parents and after the age of 10 no sign of any illness was every mentioned again. The chip may be related and if so it may be adding to his current situation.” Gideon continued before adding “Yes it appears to be damaged”  
“Can we repair it, can it be removed. Gideon I’m a bit at a loss here” Martin said half fascinated and half worried.

“I don’t think it can be removed it is far too integrated with Doctor Palmer’s brain, it has tendrils that extend into his spinal column and throughout his brain, removing it would be impossible without pulling his brain apart” Gideon said sounding a little defeated and angry at herself.

“Not your fault Gideon, not anyone’s fault we just aren’t equipped for this and I just don’t know how to help my friend” Martin said sitting down and putting his face in his hands.

“I have tried to access Doctor Palmer’s parent’s research and information on his condition but it seems impossible. All research comes up classified or was never published or seems they only kept hard data which I have no way of accessing, I am sorry Doctor Stein” Gideon continued and Martin appreciated the attempts.

“It’s ok Gideon you tried we will just have to wait and hope he doesn’t get any worse” Martin said feeling useless.

“Hey Grey, what’s going on, I’m getting a really bad feeling here” Jax’s voice came on over the comms.

“Sorry Jefferson, just beating myself up for not being able to help Dr Palmer out” Martin explained realising that their bond was probably meaning the young man was having a panic with the feelings coming his way.

“Please don’t scare me like that, I felt real dread I still do and you know you can’t lie to me, how’s Ray?” Jax asked and Martin sighed knowing he couldn’t as much as he’d love to keep things from the other half of Firestorm.

“Not good, he won’t wake up, there’s little brain activity and he’s unresponsive to any stimuli. He may have had an illness as a child and the thing, a microchip, that kept him healthy is damaged and we have no way to repair it” Martin gushed out not realising how much he needed to share this as the burden was a bit much for one man.

“Damn I’m sorry Grey, damn it! Ray would know what to do you know and he’d be able to reassure us all and make us think everything was fine” Jax replied the worry in his voice evident.

“This chip, we know anyone who can fix it” Jax asked and Stein finally made a realization.

“His parents made it they would be able to fix it, the problem is they think he’s dead!” Stein replied. “How long until were not floating about and can make a trip back to earth, maybe we can go back to a time just before the explosion at Palmer Tech and get Ray to them” Martin continued hope filling his voice and for the first time feeling like that could actually do something to help their friend.

“Grey I don’t want to burst you bubble but we don’t even have flight capabilities let alone the ability to time jump.” Jax replied.

“Don’t you think I’m aware of the situation Jefferson but this is Dr Palmer, you know he’d do everything in his power to make sure we could do that jump if it was one of us laying here” Martin said feeling a little desperate.

“I know that Grey but we cut corners and the Waverider will tear itself apart the minute we jump. I’ll let everyone know the situation, no one is gonna hold back on repairs with Ray’s life at stake. Make sure Ray is stable and then come join me I need your help on these repairs too ok” Jax said and Martin agreed knowing he was right.

“Grey, there is enough propulsion to get us to land on the moon, at least being on a stable spot will make repairs easier and make getting outside the ship for external repairs easier, ok Grey we got this now let’s get our arses in gear ok old man” Jax added.

Martin made a few more checks on Ray and listened as Jax told Gideon to inform the crew of everything they’d discussed. Ray’s condition, the chip and the plan to track down his parents was all laid out and everyone answered with determination that they would get these repairs done. He again wiped his friends forehead, whatever Ray was dreaming about wasn’t pleasant as he was sweating and Stein hoped he’d be able to get some peaceful rest before they went and found a way to help him heal.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Ray hated the dark he didn’t remember having a fear of the dark or when he stopped hating the dark but now he definitely hated it. Wherever he was it was cold too and he could feel a cold hard surface beneath him that was uncomfortable and most certainly clinical. He wanted to get up but that’s when he realised he was secured to the table, his wrists and ankles were strapped down and as much as he struggled he wasn’t going anywhere. All of a sudden the darkness stopped and orange glow shone down on him, it hurt his eyes and he closed them. Even with his eyes closed he could tell the orange glow was still being shone directly onto him and again he couldn’t get free of the restraints as he began to shout. He pleaded to be let up, that he was scared and he wanted to leave this place.

Before he realised it he felt tears on his cheeks and that the people he was shouting for were his parents. Ray was calling and shouting for them,

“Please mummy, please! Daddy please please I want to go back to my room, Please I want it to stop. Please mummy it hurts, I’m scared. Daddy I’ll be good, Daddy I don’t like this!” Ray voice came out but it sounded younger, small frightened and childlike.

Ray hated this he felt powerless and alone, he was useless and couldn’t do anything for himself. This was a feeling that had plagued him his entire life. No matter what Raymond Palmer did he was never good enough, he was always lonely, he couldn’t save himself let alone anyone else and even if he died no one would care. 

Ray was about to give up the struggle, to just lie there and let whatever was happening to him continue, no one was coming to save him, no one cared and then the light changed again, this time to yellow. The difference was scary at first, not only did he feel warm but comforted as he tenderly opened his eyes. The light was bright and he couldn’t stare at it directly but he was able to look down at his wrists. They were chaffed and cut from where he’d been struggling, too scared and panicked to notice the pain of the abrasions there. But as he looked at the blood and grazes he noticed that the wounds didn’t look so bad, was it his imagination or were they getting better, as if he hadn’t been hurt at all.

His body was feeling stronger he felt his heart beating strongly and confidently in his chest and the wild idea that he could get up and escape came crashing over him. He yanked both arms and they came away with ease, he didn’t even feel the snap of his restraints as he sat up and tore his ankle restraints free. He checked both ankles as he noticed the blood around them from struggle but found no wounds and with that the jumped off the table and headed for the door.

Ray caught sit of himself in a window of one way glass and the boy that stared back at him was maybe 7 or 8. It was him, Ray knew what he looked like as a child but this situation was never something that had happened to him. He had released the orb and then was struck by a bolt from a temporal storm. This must be a dream and he really wanted to wake up now. He opened the door and began to run down a corridor, it somehow felt familiar almost as if he’d been here before. But that was impossible as he had no memory of this event, this wasn’t anything he’d been through as a child.

He got to the end of the corridor and there was a turning to the left and one to the right, the right had what looked like a laser grid and Ray didn’t fancy that at all. Left it was, but once down the corridor he realised the floor dropped away and there was a couple of meters before it continued. Could he make that jump, it didn’t seem possible but he was feeling strong and more confident. Ray took a few paces back to where the corridor had divided and then ran as fast as his young legs could carry his and leapt. He couldn’t believe it, he was jumping it somehow he had had enough power in his legs to propel himself over the drop. That’s when the light changed back to that orange and he felt himself grow weak, his momentum slow and body began to fall. He desperately threw his arms out and his fingers barely caught the edge on the other side.

He was hanging on with his finger tips and the flat surface of the drop gave his feet nothing to find leverage. He just didn’t have the strength to pull himself up and he felt his heart beat fast and the fear kick in as he lost his grip and fell. The fall wasn’t as far as the darkness had led him believe but it was far enough for his younger body to snap and bound as he hit the bottom. He felt the back of his head crack against the steel floor as again everything went dark.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Ray hated the dark he didn’t remember having a fear of the dark or when he stopped hating the dark but now he definitely hated it. Wherever he was it was cold too and he could feel a cold hard surface beneath him that was uncomfortable and most certainly clinical. He wanted to get up but that’s when he realised he was secured to the table, his wrists and ankles were strapped down and as much as he struggled he wasn’t going anywhere. His back ached as if he’d been beaten across it but worse was the thumping in his head. The headache was fierce and it took him a while to focus through the pain. All of a sudden the darkness stopped and orange glow shone down on him, it hurt his eyes and he closed them. Even with his eyes closed he could tell the orange glow was still being shone directly onto him and again he couldn’t get free of the restraints as he began to shout. He pleaded to be let up, that he was scared and he wanted to leave this place.

Before he realised it he felt tears on his cheeks and that the people he was shouting for were his parents. Ray was calling and shouting for them,

“Please mummy, please! Daddy please please I want to go back to my room, Please I want it to stop. Please mummy my head it hurts, I’m scared. Daddy why does my back hurt, Daddy I don’t like this!” Ray voice came out but it sounded younger, small frightened and childlike.

Ray hated this he felt powerless and alone, he was useless and couldn’t do anything for himself. This was a feeling that had plagued him his entire life. No matter what Raymond Palmer did he was never good enough, he was always lonely, he couldn’t save himself let alone anyone else, he always got himself in danger and out himself in situations that caused him harm no wonder the team laughed at him. 

Ray was about to give up the struggle, to just lie there and let whatever was happening to him continue, no one was coming to save him, no one cared and then the light changed again, this time to yellow. The difference was scary at first, not only did he feel warm but comforted as he tenderly opened his eyes. The light was bright and he couldn’t stare at it directly but he was able to look down at his wrists. They were chaffed and cut from where he’d been struggling, too scared and panicked to notice the pain of the abrasions there. But as he looked at the blood and grazes he noticed that the wounds didn’t look so bad, was it his imagination or were they getting better, as if he hadn’t been hurt at all. His head didn’t bang with a headache and his back felt good like it had never been bruised or beaten. 

His body was feeling stronger he felt his heart beating strongly and confidently in his chest and the wild idea that he could get up and escape came crashing over him. He yanked both arms and they came away with ease, he didn’t even feel the snap of his restraints as he sat up and tore his ankle restraints free. He checked both ankles as he noticed the blood around them from struggle but found no wounds and with that the jumped off the table and headed for the door.

Ray caught sight of himself in a window of one way glass and the boy that stared back at him was maybe 7 or 8. It was him, Ray knew what he looked like as a child but this situation was never something that had happened to him. He had released the orb and then was struck by a bolt from a temporal storm. This must be a dream and he really wanted to wake up now. He opened the door and began to run down a corridor, it somehow felt familiar almost as if he’d been here before. But that was impossible as he had no memory of this event, this wasn’t anything he’d been through as a child.

He got to the end of the corridor and there was a turning to the left and one to the right, left looked like the floor disappeared down a deep fall and something was telling him that he wasn’t going to make that jump. The right had a laser grid and maybe just maybe his smaller form could slip between the beams. Right it was, as he walked up to the grid. He wasn’t sure what made him feel brave but he put out his hand tentatively to touch the beams of red and was surprised when they did nothing. They were just beams of red light not lasers at all as Ray felt his heart sore and started to walk through the grid. The grid was only about a meter, in a few more steps he would be clear and that’s when the lights changed back to orange.

He immediately felt the difference his energy and confidence slipping from his body as his heart raced and he panicked. But it was too late the red beams burned he could feel the lasers cut his skin. The burning was intense as his knees gave way to the pain and he collapsed on the floor folding himself into the foetal position and wishing the pain and burning would end. All he could do was scream until blessed unconsciousness took him.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

 

Ray hated the dark he didn’t remember having a fear of the dark or when he stopped hating the dark but now he definitely hated it. Wherever he was it was cold too and he could feel a cold hard surface beneath him that was uncomfortable and most certainly clinical. His back was painful where it touched the steel table as he tried to arch it so it didn’t make contact with what felt like multiple burns. He wanted to get up but that’s when he realised he was secured to the table, his wrists and ankles were strapped down and as much as he struggled he wasn’t going anywhere. He was sore over as if someone had taken a blow torch to parts of him and he could feel the sting that came with being burnt. All of a sudden the darkness stopped and orange glow shone down on him, it hurt his eyes and he closed them. Even with his eyes closed he could tell the orange glow was still being shone directly onto him and again he couldn’t get free of the restraints as he began to shout. He pleaded to be let up, that he was scared and he wanted to leave this place.

Before he realised it he felt tears on his cheeks and that the people he was shouting for were his parents. Ray was calling and shouting for them,

“Please mummy, please! Daddy please please I’m burning, why am I on fire, Please I want the burning to stop. Please mummy it hurts, I’m scared. Daddy my arms are burnt, my legs, my back, Daddy I don’t like this!” Ray voice came out but it sounded younger, small frightened and childlike.

Ray hated this he felt powerless and alone, he was useless and couldn’t do anything for himself. This was a feeling that had plagued him his entire life. No matter what Raymond Palmer did he was never good enough, he was always lonely, he couldn’t save himself let alone anyone else, he got himself injured again, this wouldn’t happen without the suit that was the only thing that ever made him worth something. 

Ray was about to give up the struggle, to just lie there and let whatever was happening to him continue, no one was coming to save him, no one cared and then the light changed again, this time to yellow. The difference was scary at first, not only did he feel warm but comforted as he tenderly opened his eyes. The light was bright and he couldn’t stare at it directly but he was able to look down at his wrists. They were chaffed and cut from where he’d been struggling, too scared and panicked to notice the pain of the abrasions there. Plus he could see the crisscrossed lines of burns across with arms and knew that the same pattern of burn marks must cover his body. But as he looked at the blood and grazes he noticed that the wounds didn’t look so bad, was it his imagination or were they getting better, as if he hadn’t been hurt at all. The burn marks began to fade and so did the searing pain.

His body was feeling stronger he felt his heart beating strongly and confidently in his chest and the wild idea that he could get up and escape came crashing over him. He yanked both arms and they came away with ease, he didn’t even feel the snap of his restraints as he sat up and tore his ankle restraints free. He checked both ankles as he noticed the blood around them from struggle but found no wounds and with that the jumped off the table and headed for the door.

Ray caught sit of himself in a window of one way glass and the boy that stared back at him was maybe 7 or 8. It was him, Ray knew what he looked like as a child but this situation was never something that had happened to him. He had released the orb and then was struck by a bolt from a temporal storm. This must be a dream and he really wanted to wake up now. He opened the door and began to run down a corridor, it somehow felt familiar almost as if he’d been here before. But that was impossible as he had no memory of this event, this wasn’t anything he’d been through as a child.

He got to the end of the corridor and there was a turning to the left and one to the right, the right had what looked like a laser grid and Ray somehow knew that it was the cause of the burns. He looked to the left at the deep fall where there was missing floor and again something told him not to go that way. He stood there unsure what to do or where to turn he felt himself get frustrate and angry. Ray lashed out punch the wall directly in front of him and expecting it to hurt his fist.

Instead the wall dented under his punch and he stood there staring in disbelief, the weirdest part was the lack of pain he felt from his hand. He punch again, the same thing no pain to his fist but the wall definitely dented. He got braver and more confident as he punched at the wall breaking through it and he was filled with glee. This was when the light went orange and the energy started to slip from his body. He wasn’t ready to give up, he was so close to breaking out as he continued to punch the wall trying not to cry out at the pain it now caused. He kept going feeling more reckless and punched with abandonment, his fist hurt and knuckles bleed, he was pretty sure he was breaking the bones in his young hands. Soon exhaustion dragged at his body the pain impossible to ignore as he felt dizzy and finally collapsed into unconsciousness.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Ray hated the dark he didn’t remember having a fear of the dark or when he stopped hating the dark but now he definitely hated it. Wherever he was it was cold too and he could feel a cold hard surface beneath him that was uncomfortable and most certainly clinical. He wanted to get up but that’s when he realised he was secured to the table, his wrists and ankles were strapped down and as much as he struggled he wasn’t going anywhere. All of a sudden the darkness stopped and orange glow shone down on him, it hurt his eyes and he closed them. Even with his eyes closed he could tell the orange glow was still being shone directly onto him and again he couldn’t get free of the restraints as he began to shout. He pleaded to be let up, that he was scared and he wanted to leave this place.

Before he realised it he felt tears on his cheeks and that the people he was shouting for were his parents. Ray was calling and shouting for them,

“Please mummy, please! Daddy please!!!! I can’t do this anymore!!!” Ray voice came out but it sounded younger, small frightened and childlike.

Ray hated himself, weak, powerless and always alone, no use to anyone. He was sick of not being able to defend himself without his suit and he was sick of getting into trouble and needing rescue.

Ray was not about to give up the struggle, to just lie there and let whatever was happening to him continue, no one was coming to save him, he had to fight he hand to push through the pain and fear, Ray was angry and then the light changed again, this time to yellow. The difference was scary at first, not only did he feel warm but comforted as he tenderly opened his eyes. The light was bright and he couldn’t stare at it directly but he was able to look down at his wrists and hands. They were chaffed and cut from where he’d been struggling, but worse were his hands and the broken skin on his knuckles, he’d been too shocked to notice the pain of the abrasions there. But as he looked at the blood and grazes he noticed that the wounds didn’t look so bad, was it his imagination or were they getting better, were his knuckles healing too as if he hadn’t been hurt at all.

His body was feeling stronger he felt his heart beating strongly and confidently in his chest and the wild idea that he could get up and escape came crashing over him. He yanked both arms and they came away with ease, he didn’t even feel the snap of his restraints as he sat up and tore his ankle restraints free. He checked both ankles as he noticed the blood around them from struggling but found no wounds and with that the jumped off the table.

Ray caught sit of himself in a window of one way glass and the boy that stared back at him was maybe 7 or 8. It was him, Ray knew what he looked like as a child but this situation was never something that had happened to him. He had released the orb and then was struck by a bolt from a temporal storm. This must be a dream and he really wanted to wake up now. Ray saw the door that led out of the room but couldn’t bring himself to walk over to it, something was telling him that nothing but pain waited outside the room and it made him angry.

Ray hadn’t felt this kind of anger in ages and wondered if this is what Mick must sometimes feel. He wanted to break things to destroy and scream. In his rage he took hold of the steel operating bed he’d been secured to, taking note of the spots of blood on it and pulled. It came away from the floor and soon he had easily ripped it free and hurtled it across the room. Ray heard the crunch as the sound filled him with joy and he continued to rampage. It didn’t matter if it was bolted down or not Ray ripped, pulled and threw anything he could get his hands on. Eventually he was holding a steel cabinet he’d pulled off the wall and he hurled it at the one way glass delighted when it shattered and he heard the startled sounds of the people on the other side.

Ray felt a sense of achievement, he was going to confront his captors, and he was going to demand to be taken back to his parents as he walked over to the broken window. The light changed back to orange and he felt his new strength drain from him but he didn’t care. He didn’t need to be strong to crawl through the broken window. He heard the voices on the other side say something about leaving the observation area immediately. He had to act fast, Ray grabbed a piece of broken glass from the floor to use as a weapon, not caring that it bite into his palm causing him to bleed. 

But just as he was about to crawl through the window and chase after his captives the light changed again, this time to a green glow. It was like being hit by a truck, the small amount of energy sucked from his body. Ray had never felt so weak and powerless and he collapsed onto the ground. He could barely breathe as he released the piece of glass from his hand to try and push himself up off the floor. But it was no use, this new light was more terrifying then anything he’d ever faced. All he could do was lie on the floor amongst the broken glass of the window, he could feel the sting of glass pieces cut into him and the feeling of him bleeding onto the floor. The last thing he heard was “that was close, let’s take a break, reset and try again tomorrow” before he faded into unconsciousness.  
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Ray hated the dark he didn’t remember having a fear of the dark or when he stopped hating the dark but now he definitely hated it. He also knew he hated the colour orange but nothing was worse than green. He lay there despondent, alone and terrified. He didn’t care about the pain for some reason that felt like something normal, like he was always supposed to feel it. Ray was tired as he started to cry and hot tears stun his eyes. That was when the light turned on and he knew there wasn’t any point, all he could do was lie there and be the lonely, useless, unloved boy he was always meant to be.

Ray closed his eyes but it was pointless even through his eye lids the world was tinted green.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to add some subtle differences into each of the repeat scenes hopefully they came though, also I think my love of the Maze Runner books if evident in this chapter!
> 
> Oh god did I just think of an Atomwave inpsired Maze Runner fic, no nope no time for that!!!!


	4. Chapter 3

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 3

Jax was overwhelmed with the amount of repairs the Waverider needed and knew that half of them needed someone with a mind for these kind of problems. The team worked well because they all brought different things to the table but at the moment science and engineering more than anything. He’d called Grey to come help him because at least Martin would understand some of problems but mostly because he couldn’t concentrate at all with the wave of worry and fear and panic that kept washing over him as Martin watched over Ray. Jax needed Martin away from Ray if he wanted to concentrate and hearing that Ray’s chances very much depended on him getting through the repairs as quickly as possible was not helping the situation.

Jax had Martin off realigning power grids and checking systems, rerouting power and trying to work out ways to get the ship to go with its engine in tatters and the time drive out of commission. It was much easier to think with Grey also deep in thought and Jax was grateful. But Grey was a theorist, he was a genius but he didn’t always think outside the box and tending to air on caution. What Jax needed was someone who could do it all, whose brain could see the problems from various angles, think outside the box, take into account the future tech and be able to manually fix the problems if need be. What he needed, what the ship needed was Ray.

“Jefferson, are you ok” Martin asked over the comms and Jax sighed.

“Yeah Grey, just thinking you know, just that this would a lot easier…” Jax started before Martin added.

“If Doctor Palmer was able to help us” Martin finished.

“Sometimes I think we take for granted just how much we need him, not just as the Atom but as Ray” Jax added.

“I know how you feel Jefferson and when he wakes up I am gonna, well I don’t know but gonna make sure he feels a bit more appreciated” Martin added before going back to work and Jax could feel the renewed determination through their link.

Jax had worked hard to learn all of Gideon’s systems but what would it hurt to go through them with Ray, get him to take a look, make suggestions for some improvements or just spend some time talking shop with the guy. Jax cursed at the next problems that came along and added it to the list of things that needed to be fixed before they had any chance of getting Ray help. He made sure the rest of the team knew what they had to do and then threw himself back into trying to repair the engine and time drive.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Amaya was reading out instructions from a data pad on repairing the life support and gravity systems. This had been her and Nates task and while the systems were hanging on if they weren’t fixed soon then it was good bye oxygen and gravity. Plus there was the danger that shielding would go and they would all just get dragged out into space through a hull breach. She didn’t understand half of what she was reading and remembered the time she and Ray had been captured. Thinking of him as no hero because he didn’t have powers made her feel guilty, if he was here now this would all make sense and probably be mostly repaired. If it hadn’t been for Ray that time there wouldn’t have been the super serum that saved Nate’s life and gave him the powers he now had. She’d underestimated Ray and wished he’d recover fast.

Not just because they could do with his help but because of the hurt it was clearly causing the team. Nate and herself had known him the smallest amount of time but he was clearly close to the others, sharing a history that was even from before their time as Legends. Sara relied on Ray not for his Atom suit but because she put trust in his determination and ability to think their way out of problems and she didn’t like seeing her friend in pain. Nate hadn’t known Ray long but the friendship was akin to brothers and Nate was clearly in a lot of pain, he owed his life to Ray but they had lot in common and got on so well, nearly inseparable, a trait she would be jealous of if she wasn’t so confident in the fact that Nate loved her. But it was definitely a relationship that caused jealously for Mick and she didn’t know where to begin with that one.

From what she heard Ray, Len and Mick had not got on as first. Len and Mick where everything Ray wasn’t and they hated his Boy Scout nature and naivety, while Ray didn’t trust them, they were thieves and con men. Somewhere this had changed earning each other’s respect, taking a beating for Mick and all three of them being prepared to sacrifice themselves for the others at the oculus. Mick was clearly jealous of the time Ray and Nate hung out and yet he wouldn’t admit it at all, choosing to bully Nate at any chance, like insulting the suit Ray made. That was the moment when Amaya realised that Mick had feelings for Ray, he just wasn’t ready to understand or knew himself what those feelings meant. 

Ray himself was kind to everyone, he treated everyone with respect and loyalty but even he was different with Mick. He’d been the one that went to Mick to ask to be partners, he was the one that stood up for Mick and had been honest about them not treating him enough like part of the team. Mick had a special spot for Ray and Amaya wasn’t sure how special that spot was. There was something between the two of them and neither of them had noticed, in fact it must be women’s intuition because herself and Sara were the only two that noticed the weird ups and downs of this bond and how both men wanted to be around each other but couldn’t find a way to express it. 

Nate cursed as something sparked and then instantly steeled up as he ripped something off the wall and threw it away in anger. Amaya gave him a moment to breathe before he desteeled and she put her hand over his.

“Just something short circuiting but I think I got the damaged part out before it did more damage. No idea what to replace it with I’d ask Ray he’d know what to do but well he’s not, he’s...” Nate began to trail off his voice filled with sadness and guilt.

The three of them had become close, even with them as a couple Ray never felt like a third wheel but a friend they could do movie nights with and share trivia. Amaya loved how happy the two friends where around each other and how despite their different focus of science and history they both loved the same films and sense of wonder at the world. Nate was hurting bad and she wanted to help him, she couldn’t even imagine what it would have been like to see the temporal bolt hit Ray, to see the suit short circuiting around him or Ray go into a full fit ad have no one around to help.

“He’s gonna be ok Nathaniel, he’s strong and soon he’ll be back and helping us out, probably correcting half the repairs we’ve made” She said trying to sound reassuring and comforting.

“I just froze, he was lying their sparks flying, they probably singed his skin and were electrocuting him and I didn’t know what to do” Nate replied staring at the ground.

“I wouldn’t have been able to help, I wouldn’t even have been able to get close to him” Amaya tried to reassure.

“Yeah but even then I didn’t steel up, took a second to realise I could and then he started to fit. I’ve never seen a seizure, it was horrible. I’m pretty sure I wasn’t supposed to move him but I couldn’t leave him like that on the floor” Nate continued refusing to meet Amaya’s caring gaze too upset to allow himself any sympathy.

“You did the right thing, you called for help and tried to get him to med bay, you can’t blame yourself none of us would have acted differently, none of us could!” Amaya said and Nate finally looked at her.

“Mick did!” He said half angrily not sure whether he was angry at himself for not reacting the same way or Mick for just being able to make that spilt decision.

“Mick didn’t freeze, he didn’t even show any fear, the sparks, the short circuiting was clearly burning him, it must have hurt him as much as it did Ray, yet he calmly was able to undo the suit and get Ray out of it” Nate continued looking at her desperately hating himself for not doing the same for his friend.

“Mick’s different, he doesn’t feel pain the way we do with his own burns, plus its Ray, Mick would take any pain if it meant Ray didn’t have to suffer” Amaya reasoned before continuing, “You’ve heard the story, Ray took a beating for Mick in a Russian Gulag, that’s not something Mick would leave alone, he’d return that favour”

Amaya took a moment to breathe hoping she’d got through Nate’s self-loathing, what Mick did was something one could only do when they truly put the other person first, a special feeling that throws self-preservation out the window because your more scared of losing that person, of being left behind than of continuing without them. She looked in Nate’s eyes smiling at him making sure he knew that she loved him and didn’t judge him before saying,

“If it had been me, just for a moment if it was me and not Ray would you have done the same?” She asked watching the conflicting emotions and worry play out over Nate’s features.

“Amaya, God don’t even say that, I’d do anything to keep you safe I wouldn’t care how much it hurt. Shit does that make me a bad friend?” Nate said.

“No it makes you human but think, would you have gone that far” Amaya said pushing at Nate to put two and two together.

“Oh course, I wouldn’t have held back, you’re the most important person in the world to me….” Realisation dawned on Nate’s face and then confusion and Amaya realised Nate had finally worked it out.

“Are you saying Mick’s in love with Ray, that Mick, the one who spends half the time looking at me like he wants to beat my head in and acts emotionally constipated!” Nate said a little shocked and disbelieving but somehow it was starting to make sense.

“I’m not sure Mick knows yet but maybe if he was less, as you said ‘emotionally constipated” Nate made a guilty face at the line as Amaya continued, “then I’d think he’d realise that Ray means more to him than anyone else on this ship, or anyone else Mick has in his life, and as for wanting to beat you up at every opportunity I think that’s called being jealous” she finished looking at Nate.

Nate looked cute when it dawned on him, she could see it being worked out as he realised how much sense it all made,

“Insulting the suit Ray made me, glaring death daggers at me when we trained before finally edging me out of that so he could train with Ray and basically being extra rude to me whenever Ray and I are together” Nate said and Amaya nodded.

“Yep! If he insults both you and Ray means its less obvious he likes Ray and that he’s pissed you two are hanging out so much. Though since we’ve got together he’s been a lot less grumpy about the whole thing” She said and Nate smiled.

“So basically Mick has a giant crust on my best friend and has no idea how to deal with it or show it. This does explain why when I found him that first time Ray was the first person he wanted to go collect and from what we heard about Thawne’s new reality again Mick made me take him strait to Ray first.” Nate answered excitedly like they were school girls and he just found out the resident bad boy had a crush on his bestie, he then suddenly looked quizzical,

“Does this mean we should invite him to movie night?” he asked and Amaya had to laugh.

“I think it’s for Mick and Ray to work out, maybe we should be more worried about ship repairs than match making our team mates” She said with a smile. For a moment Nate looked sad again clearly remembering that said team mate was still in a coma and his recovery was very much dependant on them getting the Waverider back in running order?

“Yeah, I mean were not sure if Ray even feels the same so let’s maybe make sure he’s awake before I start planning the wedding!” He said trying to sound jovial to try and hide the concern.

“I think it’s a safe bet its mutual but Ray has his own oblivious nature to contend with, he’s pretty smitten from what I can tell but he also gets lost in that brain of his” Amaya said before looking back at the tablet screen to try and see what they had to fix next. Nate nodded in agreement,

“Yeah, Ray is a great mate but he’s been through a lot to try and find himself and I don’t think he’s given a moment to see what else he’s found” Nate finished and returned to working on the circuits and relays in front of him.

“That’s rather poetic Nathanial, you really are a romantic” Amaya said with a smile tapping away at the screen.

“Yeah plus if Mick does anything to hurt him, doesn’t matter how hard he hits I’m made of steel” Nate said pulling at a chord and trying to get it to disentangle from the rest.

“Defending your friends honer, sometimes I question which one of us is from a past timeline, oh and it’s that one you want to be pulling” Amaya said and they both went back to work feeling a little better. Amaya hoped that Nate knowing there was something waiting for Ray when he woke up would spur him on, the man was too much of a romantic to let this kind of information go. Her job would be making sure he didn’t intervene and let the two men work it out. 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sara and Mick were exhausted, they’d pulled and torn nothing but junk and debris from the corridors for what felt like hours. This kind of manual task suited them a bit better and since they both dealt with feelings better by being physical this was doing the job. Plus the idea that a drink was waiting at the end for them was a bonus. Sara had lost count of the times either of them had sworn as they worked to get to their destination. Sara was pretty pissed, for the state of the ship, for her call on the mission and most of all for Ray’s current condition. The anger helped spur her on and soon her and Mick had cleared the path and she could tell that Mick was in no better mood for it.

“Right, that vodka!” She announced heading to the spot where she’d hidden in, she grabbed two glasses poured at shot in each and passed it to Mick wordlessly. Both shot it back and pretty much slammed the glasses on the counter with a little too much force before she refilled and then sat down to stare at the clear liquid. Mick joined her, picking up the glass and swirling the contents and glaring at it. Sara made a frustrated sound and downed the glass of vodka and blinked back the tears threatening to form. 

“S’not your fault blondie, believe me no help is coming at the bottom of that bottle and I damn well wanted to help look for it regardless” Mick said finishing his glass and pouring both another. He knew that Sara could out drink them both but he was holding back as he watched her finish the glass a refill it.

“I’m the Captain Mick, ultimately everything that happens on and off this ship is my responsibility. I should have made sure the readings on that orb were safer” Sara began to explain before Mick interrupted.

“And you think that would have stopped Haircut from being an impulsive idiot, you think in any sequence of events he wouldn’t have done the same thing knowing it would save the rest of us” Mick answer came out angry but there was sadness there to and a knowing, Mick knew Ray well and he was right Ray would always make the one life over the all call.

“Still if we’d known, I’d have sent firestorm, He can absorb radiation! I made the wrong call and now my friend is lying in med bay! Some captain” Sara replied, her voice filled with guilt.

“Yeah well that idiot is my partner, that’s why we did the mission together. You put your trust in us and I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. Haircut was the only one who could have disarmed security, got small enough to get into the orbs display and cut its security, he’s the only one that could have shielded the damn thing so quickly. And he’s the only idiot that would throw his life into a situation where he can get killed without giving it a second thought!” Mick had started with pride in his voice and confidence but it soon got angrier again and then pained.

Sara looked at him, he was holding the glass tightly, knuckles going white and any longer it was going to shatter in his hands. She went to put a reassuring hand on his arm, a gesture she’d seen Ray do when his temper started to get the better of him but he flinched looking a little wild. It was telling of how close Mick and Ray had become that he allowed the other man to casually touch him when others weren’t always given the same acceptance.

Mick looked a bit shocked by his reaction before saying,

“Nothing personal blondie, not really feeling like being comforted right now” and he pushed the glass of vodka towards her so she could finish it off.

Sara did enjoying the comforting burn and then took in the man sitting next to her. He was barely reining in his temper and he was in pain with no outlet.

“He’s gonna be ok Mick” she said and he just grunted at her.

“He did it too himself the idiot, forever just pulling crap like that. What is it with me and partners with a self-sacrifice kink” Mick grumbled out and Sara could see the underlying pain in his words.

Mick had once tried to save Ray from dying in the oculus only for Len to take his place. He’d lost his best friend, his partner, his brother and the only person he’d loved to a moment of self-sacrifice. Ray had since then made it his mission to have Mick’s back and be there for him and when Mick started letting him in realised that Ray too was all for the self-sacrifice. Maybe that’s why Mick held back with Ray, not wanting to watch another partner die, not wanting to get close to someone, to love someone and then lose them all over again.

Though it was a bit late for that, Mick had already let Ray in, Sara could see it plain as day. She’d once talked to Len about the Gulag and Len had admitted that he’d gone to get Mick out, left the Atom suit in Rays pocket sure that the other man would be able to get himself out. Ray was a boy scout he said but resourceful and Len had to admit he was learning to respect the man. But when Mick had refused to leave without Ray well Len had seen something he hadn’t ever seen in Mick. Mick caring about someone outside their little family, Len knew something in Mick and Ray’s relationship had changed. 

Len had realised that there was a chance that Mick was learning to care about someone else and he knew it would freak his friend out but hoped that maybe Mick might come round to the idea. Ray was their opposite, but he did have their backs and someone that naïve, optimistic and caring could be good for Mick. Sara had laughed at him and teased him for it but ultimately Len knew Mick the best and he was right, Ray and Mick as partners made a weird sense. 

“I’m sorry Mick” Sara said and he looked at her confused.

“Didn’t I say it’s not your fault, why you apologising for” Mick snapped back.

“That Ray’s hurt and you’re keeping me company while I pity drink, I know….” She began before he glared at her.

“Blondie I appreciate it but you don’t know ok. Plus I got my own pity party to throw” Mick answered and Sara went to pour him a glass but he put his hand up to stop her and took a deep breath.

“Got to keep it together so when that idiot wakes up I can give him a piece of my mind, I’m no good to him pissed on vodka” Mick said and Sara smiled.

He may not admit it but that spoke volumes, he was waiting for Ray to wake just like the rest of them but the fact that he wanted to be sober when he woke showed that no matter how mad he was he just wanted to see Ray ok.

“Ray’s gonna have one hell of a lecture when he wakes up isn’t he” Sara quipped and for the first time Micks mood lightened.

“For sure, Haircut isn’t gonna know what hit him, I don’t think being called an idiot is even gonna cover it!” Mick replied and this time when Sara went to put her hand on his arm he didn’t flinch. They sat for a moment like that, Sara sipping her vodka and Mick staring at the bottle but holding back from taking it. 

“I don’t think I’ve felt fear like that in a very long time” Mick admitted in a small voice after a few minutes. The voice was barely above a whisper and Sara just tightened her grip showing she was there to listen not judge.

“Anger and hatred I know well, seething rage I can understand even appreciate but fear not used to that. Maybe if I was scared for myself but that hardly happens so it’s all foreign. Today I felt fear, fear for that idiot” Mick continued.

“You know it’s ok to worry about him, it’s not weak to admit that Mick” Sara answered.

“You tell anyone I will deny this but seeing him like that and then seeing him fit in the med bay, probably the most horrific thing I’ve seen and I couldn’t do a damn thing. I was helpless, useless and I was scared” Mick said voice pained both from the raw emotion he felt and the fact that he was admitting it out loud.

“Me too, I’ve seen some bad things, hell I’ve done some bad things and been through trauma but I half accept that, it was penance for things in my past. But Ray he doesn’t deserve it, you want to keep him away from the kind of darkness we’ve seen and done” Sara said and Mick looked at her with understanding.

Mick nodded he didn’t need to say anything else Sara got it, got what it was like to be haunted by a dark past, a past that was another life now. Mick wanted to be a different man, he wanted to be part of this weird little family of misfits and he wanted his partner to be ok.

“Ok pity party over, we have work to do, I’m sure Jax has more work for us” Sara said getting up and putting the vodka back in its hiding spot. Mick watched as she contacted Jax for their next assignment, which was pretty much seeing what was scarp and what could be salvaged to use a material for repairs. The scrap Jax wanted to see if his and Steins Firestorm abilities could repurpose so to take it to the cargo bay and if not it would be broken down into something inoffensive and thrown out to space. The kid had come far, Sara felt proud of his accomplishments and that he was holding himself together a lot better than she was at this moment. 

The two of them got to work, happy to be busy and distracted and hoping they would get news soon about getting Ray to help and him waking up.


	5. Chapter 4

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 4

Stein had given Gideon instructions to contact him if anything changed with Ray, if he got worse or something out of the ordinary happened. So when Gideon did make the request for Martin to come to med bay he apologised to Jefferson and went straight to Ray. Ray didn’t look much different, he was pale and unresponsive but then Gideon started to speak.

“Professor, Ray has had three more incidents that appear to be abnormal. Each time I registered unusual brain activity, faster pulse and breathing. He appears to being have a recurring nightmare that is causing him to have panic attacks. I was unsure whether to wake him to reduce trauma or to keep him comfortable and see if it continues” Gideon explained and Martin tried to stay professional knowing that any fear and anger he felt would project to Jefferson.

“Gideon why didn’t you call me sooner” Martin asked concern for his friend.

“These attacks seem unrelated to his condition and non-life threatening but just now his condition changed and what started again as a panic attacked ended a lot sooner and Doctor Palmers breathing and brain activity have slowed down” Gideon explained.

“I just don’t know what to do, he needs a real doctor or someone with knowledge of this condition and its relationship to the chip” Martin said trying desperately to think of something.

“I tried looking into Doctor Palmers medical records and there was nothing there, even more strange was he had no medical records from before he was 10 years old. It seems his parents found a cure but never reported on what the disease was.” Gideon continued.

“I don’t understand, how can Ray have had a life threatening illness as a child but his parents never took him to a doctor, made a report or even seek any medical advice. If they took it all upon themselves they’d at least have done research maybe released a paper or offered up the information to make sure anyone else who suffered from it got the chance to get the cure. Gideon something just isn’t right here” Martin explained.

“I am afraid I came to the same conclusion, it seems anything to do with Doctor Palmer before 10 is light on details, he appears to have been home schooled and I cannot find a single piece of information about his parents research. It is very likely that they kept their data a secret, all files may only exist as hard copies so no one would find out about this chip” Gideon confirmed.

“But why, what exactly does this chip do Gideon?” Martin asked.

“That again professor seems to be of some concern, I haven’t’ been able to ascertain its exact purpose, most likely because it’s been damaged. It has semi bio organic components that have weaved a neural net throughout Doctor Palmer’s brain and spine. I thought it was a degenerate disease the chip was working to correct but it appears more like it is trying to subdue something. Without further data I cannot clarify and we can’t repair it or remove it without tearing the neural tendrils out of Doctor Palmer” Gideon continued.

“We can’t risk that, with this little information there is no telling what that will do to him” Martin said looking over Rays recent medical assessments and reading.

“It does look like he’s healing though, his burns are getting better I just don’t know about long term brain damage or what nerve damage he has sustained.” Martin added and went to look at the images of the chip to see if there was something he had missed.

“Truthfully Professor with the damage that has been done to the ship I am not running at 100%, maybe once repairs are done I will have more power to do more research” Gideon said also sounding guilty like she could do more and it was beginning to frustrate her.

Martin looked at the small device, it was a smaller implant than the one he’d removed from Micks brain courtesy of the Time Agency but much more complicated, if it came down to it needing to be removed could he do it, would there be a safe way. Ray was stable now and seemed to be resting without much discomfort when Jax came over the comms.

“Ok everyone this is a patch job and not exactly what we were aiming for but I think we may have at least the ability to fly us back to Earth at present, and since it still seems to be 2017 at least we can go get us some helped from our friends” Jax explained and it gave Martin a wave of hope.

“That’s brilliant Jefferson, it means we can take Ray to Star labs, if anyone can help him out it’s the team there, plus they would be able to help with the Waverider too” Martin said with renewed confidence.

“That’s the plan” Jax said before adding, “One glitch and to make sure we have as much power for the engines and shields gonna have to take you offline for a bit Gideon, I hope that’s ok?” Jax asked.

“Not a problem Mr Jackson, but it means I will be unable to monitor Doctor Palmers vitals or keep him secure. I suggest taking him to the bridge so he’s at least secured and not likely to be thrown about” Gideon said.

“Will he be ok not being monitored?” Sara’s voice replied concern showing.

“He is stable and physically doing a lot better we just don’t know about the mental and physiological side, the bridge is probably the best place, he’d be secure and I can sit next to him to keep an eye on any changes” Martin added and while no one totally liked the plan it was the best shot they had.

Mick and Sara arrived in med bay to help get Ray to the bridge both supporting the man and then once at their destination carefully placing him in a seat so he was secure. Sara could tell Mick wanted to sit with him. His protectiveness was showing but he allowed Martin to take the seat but not before glaring at him and warning him to keep an eye on Ray.

Everyone took their seats and Jax hit some buttons and the ship went dark.

“Um was that supposed to happen” a nervous sounding Nate said.

“Don’t worry I’ve just made sure that every bit of power is being used to hold our shields together and power up the engine, it’s not gonna be a fast trip but we should be able to fly to Central City and once there can return power to other ship sections and have Gideon call Team Flash.” Jax explained before turning to Sara.

“Take her away Captain” he said.

Sara took a deep breath and then began to steer the ship, it took off a little wobbly but so far so good. She turned the ship and as she did the bridge was flooded with light from the sun, it made them close their eyes but it was bright and inviting, basking them in a yellow glow. Sara smiled and aimed the ship for home and they started to depart the moon.  
From beside Martin he heard a moan and turned to see Ray open his eyes gingerly before closing them again, his hands were gripping and ungripping the arm rests of his chair and he looked like he was trying to say something.

“Doctor Palmer are you awake, Ray are you ok” he said not sure whether this was a good thing or not but hopeful it meant his friend was ok. Mick must have overheard because he immediately asked Stein what was going on,

“Professor, is Haircut awake!” He asked with concern in his voice. But before Martin could answer there was a loud tearing sound from the ship and the whole thing lurch backwards.

“Damn it, we’ve lost propulsion!” Came Jax’s shout and things did not sound good.

“Hold on guys but I think we’re in for another crash” Sara added as the team braced for impact and the Waverider was pulled back by the moons gravity. Jax went to work quickly on restoring power to the rest of the systems and soon Gideon was back online.

“I am detecting abnormal reading from Doctor Palmer please bring him back to med bay” She said sounding panicked.

Mick lurched from his seat and scoped Ray up taking him back to med bay with a flustered Martin on his heels. Once there Mick took a step back and watched as Stein and Gideon did there thing.

“I don’t get it Gideon, these readings say Ray is healing at an alarming rate” Martin said and it was punctuated with Ray suddenly snapping his eyes open and sitting up. He blinked a few time and then clutched his head and began to scream.

“Raymond calm down, please for the love of… lie back down let me and Gideon help you” Stein tried to calm his friend but Ray just sat there holding his head and blinking away tears.

“Haircut! Let the professor do his job!” Mick said angrily and somehow it must have got through because Ray started to look around, regain control of his panicked breathing and saw Mick and Martins worried faces.

“The light” was all Ray whispered before lying back down, “thank god it’s not green” he added and the two men looked at each other confused.

“What the hell you talking about Haircut, Doc what’s wrong with him why isn’t he making sense” Mick annoyed and concerned voice asked.

“I don’t know, I’m as confused as you are Mr Rory. Gideon?” Martin said.

“As to the light comment I cannot be certain but Doctor Palmer appears to have healed from all his injuries, there may be some psychological injuries that need to be addressed but for the moment he is doing well.” Gideon replied.

“Fascinating” Martin added.

“Indeed Professor but things are only getting more unusual. I am picking up alien DNA in Doctor Palmers system. Something was blocking my scans before but as the chip continues to malfunction I can read not only alien DNA but also alien material was used in the making of this implant” Gideon explained and Martin didn’t know what to say.

“You tell me Haircut here is an alien!” Mick said not looking convinced at all.

“He has all the same makings as a human but it very much appear that he was originally another species and that the chip was giving off a false reading” Gideon continued.

“So you’re telling me that Doctor Palmer’s not from earth and his parents probably put the chip in to make sure no one figured it out, fascinating. So Doctor Palmer never had an incurable disease?” Martin asked.

“That is most likely, but I cannot be 100% certain until we find out more” Gideon answered.

“So were back to our best bet is getting him to Star labs, getting the ship and you back to full power so we know what is the best way to help Raymond” Martin said.

“No way Haircut is an alien, an idiot yes but ET no way!” Mick said looking at Stein like he was talking rubbish. “Gideon all this ship damage is causing your scans to go screwy, probably a malfunction” Mick added.

“There is also that possibility Mr Rory” Gideon replied.

“Um guys you know I can hear you right” Came Rays voice from the bed and suddenly all eyes were on him. Martin looked shocked and Mick looked relieved before he quickly remembered himself and scowled at the man.

“I’m pretty sure I’m no alien, not sure what this chip business is either but I remembered not being allowed out in sunlight when I was little. Apparently I couldn’t process the radiation given off by the sun so my parents spent years working on a cure.” Ray explained.

“Ok that might explain it but Raymond how are you feeling now” Martin asked.

“Honestly good, well physically I feel strong my head aches and I feel like I’m forgetting something important but I feel good” Ray said with a smile as he went to get up.

“I do not advise getting out of bed Doctor Palmer, you’ve been through a lot of trauma and until we fix the ship I cannot fully ascertain your injuries, moving about could aggravate your condition” Gideon explained and Martin added his own nod of approval.

“Really guys I’m feeling fine, I think the suit would have taken the brunt of the shock and if the ship is damaged you could use me to help with repairs.” Ray said placing his feet on the ground and standing up as if he hadn’t been hit by a temporal burst of lightning, had multiple fits and ended up in a coma.

“Haircut” came Micks warning voice as Ray turned to look at is partner.

“Mick really I’m good, a headache but nothing else feels off and everything says I’m healthy. The ship needs me I promise I’m fine” Ray added with pleading eyes at Mick.

Mick wanted nothing more than to force Ray to lie back down but at the same time without Ray there was a much smaller chance of them getting back home anytime soon.

“Fine but if you do anything stupid I will punch you out myself and you can ride back to Earth unconscious!” Mick said none too happy as he reluctantly let Ray head to where Jax was trying to work out what went wrong. Mick followed as he wasn’t letting Ray out of his sight.

“Gideon there’s nothing we can do until we know more, I’m going to go help with repairs but…” Martin started to say before she interjected,

“Keep an eye on Doctor Palmer’s vitals and report anomalies immediately” Gideon finished and Martin left the med bay.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
The three men walked onto the bridge where Jax was explaining what went wrong and how they had to fix it when everyone went silent and just started.

“Hey guys” Ray said with his characteristic smile and a wave, “So turns out I’m up and well, I hear there’s a ship to fix”. Ray starred at the disbelieving faces of his team, had he really been hurt that bad, he felt better than ever so why were they looking at him like he was on deaths door. It was Nate who broke out of it first and with a smile practically bounded over to Ray to give him a hug and announce how damn pleased he was that he was ok. This earned Nate a glare from Mick but Nate either didn’t notice or pretended not to.

“We could sure as hell use your help, damn man I’m so glad to see you out of med bay” Came Jax’s reply as he ushered Ray over to look at what he was working on.

“Good to see you up and about” Amaya said going to retrieve Nate before Mick got too antsy at the attention Nate was lavishing on his friend. Ray smiled at his team and then turned to Sara.

“So Captain what do you need me to do” Ray asked that optimism shining brightly.

“Jax has the details and he’s right we really do need you, you up for it Ray” Sara said smirking at him.

“Oh course never felt better!” he replied.

“It’s good to have you back with us but just so you know first stop once the Waverider is fixed is Star labs, I want Team Flash to take a look at you just to be safe” Sara continued noticing the look on Ray’s face, “You didn’t see what we did Ray please just let us be certain there are no lasting effects, plus the Waverider really needs a proper overhaul which is not something that can be done from the moon” Sara finished and Ray nodded respecting his Captains wishes

Ray and Jax worked effortlessly to regain control and operations of the ships systems, the time drive would need some serious repairs but if they could get the engine online that could be fixed back in Central City. The last piece of the puzzle and the reason they couldn’t take off was the damage done to the outside of the ship. Jax in his eagerness to get the ship systems running hadn’t thought out how outside damage would effect their ability to fly. Everyone else had done their tasks and were patching up broken bits of interiors with material repurposed by Firestorm. 

The outer damage was going to be the biggest problem, not only did a large piece of metal that broke off a wing was now wedged in a different part of the ship like an angry splinter, it had severed some very important cables that kept the engine from functioning. Sara knew where this was going the minute Jax said that they needed to go outside to remove the “splinter” before they could even assess the damage and repair it. Sara took a deep breath and waited for Ray to eagerly announce that he volunteered for the job.

“Nope not a chance Ray, you just woke up from a coma. Plus your suit needed repairs there is no way you’re going out there” Sara said making it very clear she was having none of it.

“Look, we can replicate space suits so that anyone of us can got out there” Jax said.

“And exactly who has the strength to pull this splinter out without it doing any more damage on the way out?” Ray added.

“Me and Grey can Firestorm it, we’ll have the strength and the combined brain power to get the job done” Jax said already heading for the replicator.

“And do you know what will happen if you put Firestorm in a pressurized space suit, I mean how are you going to stop from cooking yourselves” Ray countered and both Jax and Martin looked sheepish.

“Ok how about I wear the suit, steeled up I have the strength and you can talk me through what I need to do Ray” Nate added also trying to think of a plan that didn’t mean sending his friend outside.

“All good but you don’t know what you’re looking for if something goes wrong you may have seconds to fix it, a scientist has to go” Ray countered again.

“Look Raymond we get what you’re saying but with some calculation we can get the suit compatible with Firestorm” Martin said.

“Is it worth that risk knowing that my Atom suit is proven to work on the moon, I’ve fixed outer hull damage before, the suit has the power and tools to remove the splinter and make repairs plus I can assess damage immediately and calculate any problems we come across immediately?” Ray said arms crossed and daring them to find a counter argument.

“Haircut I am not letting you go on a suicide mission” Mick said and Ray turned to him about to reassure his partner when Mick begrudgingly said,

“I’ll put on one of those damn space suits and join, if it looks like your gonna put yourself in harm’s way and need to have your damn ass pulled back inside I’m doing it, no arguments!” Mick said fixing Ray with a glare that meant he was deadly serious.

“You wanna go play space hero then I’m coming to watch you back!” Mick said with finality and went to the fabricator to grumbly ask for his space suit to be made.

“So it’s settled I just need to make sure the Atom suit is ready for the task and then were all set” Ray said and excitedly went to find the suit.

Sara put her head in her hands but couldn’t think of any reason to not let Ray complete the mission, he had a point.

“Jax, Martin start making calculations on a Firestorm safe suit. I want a backup plan and maybe if we’re lucky you’ll have a space suit before Ray fixes the Atom suit and I don’t have to send him out there” Sara said sounding hopeful but knowing that it was highly likely that yet again Ray would have to carry out a dangerous job without realising how stressed he would be making his friends.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Ray found his suit safely placed on a work bench in the cargo bay, the area he usually used to fix it and looked back to see Mick pulling up a seat and sit down heavily. Ray could tell Mick was pissed.

“You know you don’t have to come with me, I can do the repairs on my own, would probably be safer for you” Ray said not wanting to put is partner in danger.

“Just fix your damn suit Haircut so I don’t have to worry about hauling your ass back in” Mick said with a huff and Ray went to work on the suit.

A lot of the circuits had fried but it was easy to reroute power and he soon found that the radiation absorbed by the suit had given it a whole reserve of power. With the amount of energy now stored in the suit he wouldn’t have to worry about running out of oxygen anytime soon and it would give the suit extra power. It looks like they were in luck. The suit had held up remarkable well despite being hit by a temporal bolt, the worse was it was slightly over powered and that had fried a few circuits. 

The front was badly scorched so it wouldn’t look pretty but he could fix that later it held enough strength to survive in space. Plus the team were counting on him, he didn’t have time to work on the more aesthetic aspects of the suit, it just had to function. He put it on and it felt a lot lighter than usual which was odd but Ray didn’t really mind he’d solve that mystery later. As he repaired the worse parts Mick casually handed him tools and it was apparent that the time they spent together had rubbed off on Mick. Mick recognised a selection of tools that Ray always used when fixing certain parts of the suit, he recognised when certain circuits needed some extra wiring or could be temporarily removed and the suit would still function. 

With their silent team work it was a mere 30 minutes and the suit was on Ray and in working order. Mick himself had put on the space suit and was grumbling about how uncomfortable it was. They stood at the door of the cargo bay ready to disembark when Ray noticed a scratch on his visor. It wasn’t a proper crack so as long as nothing hit his helmet it wouldn’t become worse. He made a mental note to be careful around debris in that area and signalled Sara they were ready. Sara’s tense voice came over the comms but they were given the all clear. Both men stepped out of the cargo bay and onto the surface of the moon.

Ray had walked on the moon before but he was excited to share this experience with Mick who was tethered to Ray with a cord so neither could float off without the other.

“Mick if we didn’t need to fix the ship so badly we could have gone for a moonwalk” Ray said happily and Mick grunted.

“This isn’t a date Haircut, can we just do our job” Mick grumbled.

“Fine but next time we land on the moon I am so taking you moonwalking, come on you have to admit the view is amazing” Ray said but already heading around to the damaged portion of the ship. Mick grumbled a “fine whatever, Haircut” but followed.

The “splinter” jutted out angrily and soon Ray was using his beams to cut away at it bit by bit so as not to cause more damage. Mick watched on noticing it was more like surgery than he expected. Mick’s job was to scan for malfunctions or any signs of stress on the hull. It went smoothly but there was still a large portion of the “splinter” that was imbedded into the ship and Ray sighed realising he was going to have to pull it out with brute force.

“Mick your gonna have to let me know the moment something isn’t right, I have to pull this splinter out with brute force as its in too deep” Ray explained and got himself into position. Mick nodded trusting in his partner and keeping focused on the scanner.

Ray calculated how much force he would need to pull out the splinter and grabbed hold at optimal points. He took a deep breath ready to exert the effort needed to pull and hoped the suit had enough power in it. Then he grabbed hard and pulled noting how his hands practically crushed the material he was holding and the splinter came flying out with unexpected ease. In fact it was far too easy and therefore came out too fast. Ray couldn’t stop the momentum of the “splinter” and barely moved out of the way as it flew past him grazing the side of his helmet. The force he had used to the pull splinter exceeded the power of the suit and thus Ray heard and felt parts of the suit on his arms buckle and tear.

He was too shocked at first to notice Mick’s shout of disproval as he watched the “splinter” fly off in the distance, he then saw bits of his suit come free and float away, clearly having been torn by the force of his pull and then there was the fact that the scratch on his helmet was clearly getting bigger. He had to work fast to finish the job before something went very wrong for him and worse of all if he put Mick in danger. Then he finally registered Mick shouting at him,

“Hey Haircut, what the hell!” Mick’s angry and surprised voice came out before “You better focus because this scanner is telling me all kinds of things and most of them in red and flashing angrily!” Mick said as Ray re focused looked at the readings and got back to the job at hand. Luckily for him Mick had been distracted by the pulling out of the splinter and then the warnings of the scanner to notice the fact that the Atom suit had got damaged.

Ray fixed each problem as it came along and Mick confirmed what went from critical to all green. The repairs to the ship were going well but Ray had noticed that his helmet was most definitely cracked and leaking oxygen. If he didn’t finish the repairs in time he was in trouble but he didn’t want Mick to also end up in danger.

“Mick I’m nearly done and the scanner is giving us the all clear if you want to head in before me, I’ll catch you up in a minute” Ray said in his most cheerful voice.

“Don’t think so, we head in together when the job is done” Mick replied and Ray should have guessed how he’d respond. If he let Mick know about the suit then Mick would haul him in and the repairs wouldn’t be finished. If he had to waste time fixing the suit and convincing the team to let him out again then who knows how long the repairs would take. Ray had to trust his partner and he hoped Mick would trust him back.

“Um Mick Buddy little hitch here” Ray said in a small voice.

“Oh don’t you dare Haircut, what idiotic thing have you done besides nearly taking off both our heads pulling out that piece of debris!” Mick said annoyed and was ready to throw some more abuse at Ray when Ray turned to him and Mick could clearly see the crack in the helmet and the oxygen escaping out. Mick went from anger to fear and grabbed Ray’s arm.

“Hell no Haircut, you’re not dying out here just so we can escape the moon, move were heading in now!” Mick said aggressively as he pulled on Ray.

Ray wasn’t surprised by Micks reaction but he was surprised by the fact that normally Micks strength would have pulled him no problem but for some reason Ray stayed routed to the spot.

“Look Mick listen, I’m really close just a few minutes, please trust me! The minute I’m done you can haul me in post haste” Ray said pleading and Mick looked at him with anger but also trust.

“You got two minutes and then were heading in, remember the whole point of trying to get off the moon quickly is to get you somewhere to check YOU out. Not much point if I let you die out here!” Mick said focusing on Ray and the letting go of his arm.

Ray appreciated the trust and continued to get to work knowing he may have to cut a few corners but they’d have the engine online any moment. He heard Mick talking over the comms to the rest of the team.

“Hey kid be ready to fire the engine in 2 minutes, blondie you take off, I will get this idiot in if it’s the last thing I do” Mick explained and there was something in his voice that made his team mates respond,

“Mick is Ray ok what’s going on?” Sara demanded

“Just be ready and maybe have Gideon on standby in the med bay” Mick replied.

“Mr Rory at least give us some details Raymond has gone through enough don’t let him put himself in anymore harm!” Martin added to the conversation.

“You think I can stop that idiot from doing anything! Just trust us ok!” Mick shouted back, he wanted to concentrate on getting Ray back alive not the chatter of his team mates asking questions.

“Come on Haircut, we’re heading in NOW!” Mick said as the Waverider began to lift off.

“We have engines but not enough propulsion to escape the moons gravity” came Jax’s voice.

Ray had to act fast and his mind was full of various ideas and scenarios. As the Waverider lifted it stopped blocking the area they were from the light of the sun. He felt warm and confident, a weird memory or feeling came over him like he could do anything and a plan formed instantly. Mick was gonna kill him but he could worry about that later. Ray calculated how much energy was in the suit from it being overcharged and he was ecstatic to see that it was enough to reverse the miniaturizing ability. 

“Mick hold on tight! Everybody you better strap in.” he shouted and Mick looked at him with confusion evident.

Ray hit the button and immediately grow to the size he’d achieved when fighting the leviathan. Grabbing hold of the Waverider he used it like a discus and hurtled it off the moon’s surface. He then took a few paces back, checked that Mick was still holding tight and gentle cupped his friend in his hands. Ray sprinted as hard as he could leapt of the surface of the moon after the Waverider. He could see it in the distance as it righted itself, Sara clearly regaining control and turning so they could pick up Ray and Mick.  
Ray felt parts of the suit break and snap, it hadn’t handled the force at which he’d jumped as various pieces were ripped free. Even as he returned to normal size the suit felt different and most of the energy was drained. He couldn’t read his life signals or really any of the suits functions. Then there was the sharp pain in his head, something was not right, something was causing his head to hurt, to burn as he felt nerves sting.

He could see little through his visor as it was cracked but he saw Mick looking at him and shouting something. Thank god Mick’s ok he thought as he felt the other man grab him by the shoulders desperate to get his attention. Mick looked shaken and pale, the wind had been knocked out of him a bit by the speed of their movement and the forces at play clearly ready to pull him into unconsciousness. Rays vison was going blurry and he couldn’t hear him, he was aware that all the oxygen was gone from his suit and his body was getting colder. His head hurt and he really wanted to talk to Mick, he wanted to say he was sorry, he was glad Mick was ok. The last thing Ray said before he lost consciousness was,

“Sorry we didn’t get that date on the moon”.

If Ray had stayed awake he would have heard Mick screaming his name, calling him every swear word and insult under the sun. If he’d stayed awake a little longer he would have felt Mick put his arms around him holding him close and saying,

“Ray, you are not gonna die, I need you, you idiot. I didn’t even get to agree to a date so your gonna live ok” Micks words came out raw with emotion as he too slipped into unconsciousness. The Waverider opened it cargo bay doors and the two men were picked up before the ship continued its journey to Central City.


	6. Chapter 5

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 5

“He’s getting older, he’s gonna start realising that he looks nothing like his brother or either of us!”

“Well that can be changed, after everything else we’ve done would it hurt to do a bit of cosmetic surgery”.

“I suppose not, it just means it’s coming to an end isn’t it. We’ve got so much out of these experiments but all good things must end”.

“I know but we have collected data and samples that will fuel years of research and development. He’s served his purpose might as well see what he can do for us as a family member”.

“Yeah if he’s half as bright as his ‘brother’ then I can see investing in his future having some more gain for us”.

Ray could hear the conversation and it seemed really unfair, were they talking about him or Sydney. He was tired and he ached lying on the steel table under the orange glow. He’d got so used to it over the years that he didn’t freak or resist, his will to fight gone. Did his parent not like the way he looked, was Sydney better than him, it was probably because his brother wasn’t ill and could go outside, get exercise and go to school. Ray was skinny and weak, he studied hard but there is only so much time to read when you have to be having constant operations and treatments. 

He hardly hung out with his brother, who seemed to resent him for being so weak and less smart, or couldn’t come outside and run about with him. He wanted all those things, he really wished his parents would find a way for him to have them. A tear began to fall from his eye followed by more, he mourned his lost childhood and the distance between him and his family. Ray didn’t really understand the meaning behind his parent’s conversation but he hoped that it meant that finally maybe they had found a cure.

When both parents walked into the room they looked down and Ray’s heart dropped, he was never getting off the steel bed, never going to be able to run or jump, never going to be loved like his brother was. The weird thing was when Ray’s mum spoke next, she put a warmth that wasn’t usually there into her tone and a strained smile on her face. Oh god he thought, I’m dying!

“Raymond sweetie, we think we’ve cracked it, a way for you to go outside a way to cure your illness” She said carefully as if monitoring him.

Ray’s eyes grew wide and for the first time in as long as he could remember he was happy, ecstatic in fact.

“Now don’t get too excited, it’s not going to be an easy process, not going to be over night but when you’re ready we expect you to be able to attend school like your brother.” Rays father added to the conversation

“Yes we expect you to make us proud, ok Raymond” His Mother agreed.

“Yes. Yes” came the small cracked voice. “I will study, I will push myself and be the best son and make you proud I promise!” Ray finished and basked in the glory that was the approving looks of his parents.

Ray’s parents went back to getting themselves ready and he knew he was in for another operation. He didn’t care how many more procedures he had to go through because at the end of it he was finally going to be able to get a normal life. He was going to spend every day working on making sure he was the best, he was going to be smart and strong but also he would be a good person and make sure people didn’t have to suffer.

His parents had their surgical tools ready and Ray was ready not really paying attention to materials they had with them, the weird micro ship and the look of finality they gave each other. He waited for a sedative to be administered, he could see the syringe and then the green light came on. It wasn’t used as often as the orange but when it was he hated it most of all. It drained every last bit of strength and hope. He felt weak and disorientated, it hurt him this light it made him feel so much sicker. This green glow was the worst thing to every be introduced to his life until he saw his father open up a case and inside there were tools, fine surgical instruments and as he picked up the scalpel Ray started to panic.

He was scared and beginning to freak as the blade that glint at him like most of the tools in the case had a fine green edge. Ray stared to try and shift, he could hear himself call out no and his mother telling him this was how he was going to get better. They were going to make it so he could have a normal life and he should be grateful. But nothing about a green edged knife said safe or normal. He finally felt the sting of the syringe and as the scalpel grew close he felt all his energy drain as he drifted off into a nightmare filled sleep.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

“I can’t take a blood sample!” came Caitlin’s voice.

“What do you mean you can’t, Miss Snow?” Martin replied.

“Look the needle just bends and snaps” Caitlin replied.

Ray woke suddenly immediately recognising the fact he was in a lab and there were surgical tools around. The green light was gone but the fear wasn’t as he felt the metal sides of the bed be crushed beneath his hands. In panic he jumped up looking around widely at the faces of Martin and Caitlin, who looked as shocked as he did.

“Doctor Palmer calm down it’s us!” Martin said but he could tell Ray hadn’t come back to himself.

“No more green” Ray muttered backing into a corner where a workbench of instruments lay. He shook with panic an again gripped the table watching as metal buckled under his grip and then in anger he threw the whole thing. The workbench was ripped from the floor and it and everything on it hurtled across the room and crashed through the glass window. Everyone in the room just looked at each other in shock.

“Ray, it’s me Caitlin, calm down let us help you” Came Caitlin’s soothing voice, outside the room you could hear panicked voices and shouts of “what the hell” before Barry streaked into the room to make sure everyone was ok.

“What’s going on?” he asked noting the shocked expressions on everyone’s face, Martin and Caitlin just look worried as they said in unison,  
“Something is very wrong with Dr Palmer!”

Ray didn’t want any more experiments, he was tired of being cut, poked and prodded. He wanted to be normal, he didn’t want to be alone or scared.

“Ray, hey it’s me Barry” Barry said taking a few more steps towards his friend until he was standing close to the man.

“Come on let us help you, just take it easy, lie down and let us take a look at you” Barry said smiling and taking another step closer.

Ray didn’t know what to do, something was off. He wasn’t a child he was an adult, he had no fear of hospitals or getting checked out by professionals. He’d had a nightmare but it had felt like a memory but apart from being sickly he had a normal childhood. Why did he think he was going to be used as a lab rat, what was he forgetting! Then came the stinging feeling in his head and that horrible headache, why did he suddenly feel terrified of what might happen if he lay back down. He looked at Barry and then simple shouted “NO!”

Ray pushed Barry away and watched as Barry’s eyes went wide as he was flung backwards and out of the already broken window. He looked at his own hands in confusion, had he done that as he began to walk out of the lab room and down the corridor to the cortex where Barry had landed. His headache was getting worse and he was beginning to feel worse, weaker again but still as he held onto a door frame he could feel it crush beneath his hands. He wasn’t going to let them play with him, he wasn’t an experiment, as that stinging sensation started again. Every time he thought about that nightmare his head hurt but he took both hands and pulled the frame from the wall brandishing it like a weapon.

“I’m not you lab rat” he shouted before feeling tired and the frame starting to weight a bit more, “please, just please no more green”.

He heard the familiar sound of Barry running, the sound that came when a speedster picked up speed. It was louder than it had ever been, he could hear the crackle and streaks of lightning within the speedforce, he wasn’t sure but he thought he could hear Barry’s footsteps fast but steady before a blur of light and then Barry punched him. Ray flew back, dropping the frame as he flew down the corridor and smacked into the wall at the end, the wall dented but didn’t fully break. Ray finally allowed the darkness of unconsciousness to take him, happy to slip away from the confusion that had erupted all around him.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

“What they hell Barry, did you just punch Ray out!” Sara shouted at the speedster.

“Um Sara is there something you need to tell because last time I saw you guys Ray didn’t have super strength” Barry replied looking at everyone with confusion.

“What are you talking about, Ray doesn’t have super strength. I mean with the suit maybe more so but what kind of wacky drugs did you give him. We asked for your help because he’s suffered major trauma and you knock him out” Sara said getting angrier at the speedster.

“Oh believe me Ray’s either been holding back or whatever that temporal bolt did to hime gave him some serious muscle!” Barry said.

Cisco and Harry had gone to help Martin and Caitlin get Ray back into the lab not wanting to get into a Flash versus Legends showdown but he soon came back.

“Look guys something really weird is up with Ray, Caitlin didn’t give him anything in fact she can’t even get a needle to pierce his skin to give him a sedative. Their scanning his brain cause that’s about all we can do at this point and hope that Ray doesn’t wake up doing his best Hulk impression again. What was with the ‘green’ comment” Cisco said looking at the worried faces of the Legends.

“We don’t know” Sara continued, “We told you everything that happened, Ray hasn’t been himself since out last mission, well he’s still been his usual throwing himself into the most dangerous situation possible but it’s not the first time he’s said something about ‘green’” she finished and sighed.

“Until we fix up the Waverider and get Gideon fully functioning you guys are our best bet” Jax added. “I mean could Ray really have been given powers.

“Well I mean he gave me a Nazi super formula and now I can turn to steel plus my girlfriend channels animals, we live in a weird world” Nate added to the conversation trying to stay light but barely hiding his concern for his friend.

“I don’t know before the particle accelerator I would have said it was impossible but I was struck by lightning and now super speed so who knows” Barry said, “We’ll do everything we can, we promise guys” he said and everyone just looked tired and unsure.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Mick woke on a bed in a med bay that definitely wasn’t on the Waverider, he felt a bit drained and like he’d gone a few rounds with a rhino but apart from that not too bad as he started to get up.

“Take it easy” came the familiar voice of Amaya who was sitting next to him.

“I’m fine” he said before taking in his surroundings and concluding that they made it to Star labs.

“Where’s Haircut?” He asked, trying to sound casual and not like he was totally freaked out by the absence of his partner.

“We got you both back on board, you were both breathing and stable when we got you here. Ray is with Martin and Dr Snow, they’re trying to help him” She explained and stepped back to allow Mick to get up knowing there was no way she was going to convince him to lie down and rest.

“Good, show me where they took him” Mick said looking at her as if he wanted a fight but really he needed to know what Ray’s condition was.

“They said they’d let me know if anything changes, he’s still out and there is no news on his condition. There’s nothing we can do but wait for the moment” Amaya said and Mick grunted.

“I hate waiting, I’m sick of waiting” Mick said and stood up a bit wobbly but ok, “I need to make sure the idiot is ok, he’s my partner and I can’t just leave it” he added and Amaya nodded giving him that knowing look that he wasn’t too keen on.

Both their attention was drawn by the loud smash and crash, like something had just been thrown through a window. There was a commotion going on and Mick just knew Ray would be at the heart of it. He was unsteady on his feet, still feeling dizzy and accepted Amaya’s offer of support to walk towards the source of the noise. By the time they got there he took in the smashed window and workbench in the cortex, a door frame had been ripped from the wall and Barry was saying something about doing everything they could. Mick pulled himself up and Amaya let him knowing that the man’s pride was important, she went to go stand with Nate who was look shocked.

“What happened?” She asked him and he looked at her clearly not really knowing how to explain what he’d just seen.

“So Ray kinda lost it, threw the table and the Flash through the lab window and then tried to beat him up with a door frame” Nate explained and Amaya looked at him with shock.

“Not the best description but I suppose that sums it up” Sara replied.

“What the hell blondie, what happened to Haircut” Micks voice trembling with anger and concern.

“Well Ray seems to have got super strength and was a little disorientated” Sara began,

“So what Haircut decided to pick a fight with red here, ridiculous Rays not a meta!” Mick said looking at Barry like he was an idiot.

“Ok take it down a notch, but um its possible being hit by the bolt triggered a transformation and gave Ray powers. We couldn’t really ask because he was hulking out so Barry had to knock him out” Cisco said and then immediately regretted it as the death glare he got from Mick was enough to make him suddenly feel very cold. Luckily Mick turned his attention to Barry and with a furious look walked towards the speedster.

“You punched out my partner!!!” Mick said with rage and watched as Barry took a step back in fear.

“Listen Mick, it was the only thing I could think of I’m sorry” Barry said trying not to cower under Micks rage. Mick was now right in Barry’s face and his fist was clenched ready to punch the man that had just knocked Ray out.

“Mick don’t” Sara’s warning voice came, “were all worried about Ray but starting fights isn’t going to help” she said and Mick tried to reign in his anger, it felt better to be angry than it did to be scared or worried about Ray.

“Fine but I’m going to go check on Haircut myself” Mick said stepping past Barry and making sure to nudge him on the shoulder for effect.

“I’m not sure that’s the best idea, what if he wakes up confused again and goes on another rampage” Barry started but Mick didn’t stop just said,

“Then I’ll be there to calm the idiot down” came his reply and Barry just looked at Sara.

“Let him ok, he needs to be there for him” Sara said.

“Am I missing something there” Cisco added and exchanged a confused look with Barry.

“Don’t worry boys, you’ll get it later” Amaya added.

“Since losing Len Ray’s kinda taken to looking out for Mick and well Mick kinda has taken to Ray” Sara said noting how Cisco and Barry didn’t get the subtle aspect of what she was saying.

“Not a friendship I’d have seen coming” Cisco said before changing the topic, “Well it seems to me we have a few problems to fix, Ray is in good hands with Caitlin, Harry is the best for looking into that chip and helping get Gideon back in order, don’t tell him I said that, myself and Barry can go between team weird chip and team fix Waverider.” Cisco said.

“Yeah, I feel the sooner we get Gideon back to full power the sooner she can clarify what the chip is doing and why Ray is acting different” Barry added.

“Good cause I could do with all the help I can get to fix up the Waverider” Jax answered and the two teams organised what needed doing and who was in charge of what. It was clear that Cisco was dying to get back on board the Waverider but also there was a little fear in his voice.

“Um do you mind if I take Ray’s suit and set it up ready to be worked on as well” Cisco added and Sara could see that he wanted to make sure it was waiting for Ray when he woke up.

“Sure Cisco, Ray will appreciate that” Sara added and then there was a pause.

“It wasn’t good was it, I mean with Ray. He was hurt pretty bad” came Cisco’s concerned voice.

“No it wasn’t good but all we can do is wait for answers, he’s in your hands now” Sara said trying to reassure the man knowing he and Ray were friends and had worked together before. Everyone split to do their jobs each one happy to have a distraction while they waited for news of Ray.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Mick walked into the lab and looked at his partner, he had a bruise on his cheek but it looked like it was already a few days old and not from a few minutes ago. Martin noticed his confusion,

“It’s healing by itself, in fact any physical injury he’s sustained is totally healed, fascinating” Martin added.

“He’s not a science experiment!” Mick said agitated.

“No be he may have been the subject of one in the past” came the voice of a man Mick had to assume was Harry Wells. Wells was staring at the scan results and pointing out details to Caitlin. Mick narrowed his eye’s not liking the direction of the topic.

“I really can’t tell for sure but this chip is meant to stop something, apparently a fatal illness Doctor Palmer had as a child, now it’s been damaged it’s only half stopping something but he doesn’t appear to be getting sicker” Harry explained and then Caitlin continued,

“The scan shows that he may have undergone reconstruction surgery as a child, there’s also a lot of neurological damage and some of it isn’t recent. Until we can find out more it’s all theoretical though” She said looking half fascinated and half frustrated that she couldn’t understand more of what was going on.

“I’m gonna have to keep monitoring the brain scans and see what reveals itself while checking through data bases for anything that matched the technology of the chip” Caitlin finished and Harry nodded his agreement.

Mick noted Martin’s sour look knowing they sounded more like Ray was a fascinating thing or puzzle than a person and that Mick wouldn’t take that tone well. Mick grabbed a chair and pulled it towards Ray’s bed making sure it scratched loudly and obnoxiously across the floor before he sat down heavily in it.

“Know what it’s like to have scientists mess with your brain, hide things in there and treat you like an experiment rather than a person so don’t mind me if I sit here and make sure no one forgets their humanity” Mick said in a warning voice and both Harry and Caitlin looked apologetic.

“We’ll work out what’s wrong but maybe talking to him may help, keep Ray grounded” she added trying to be calming.

“You don’t know me well but not much of a talker, that’s Haircuts thing but I’m here for when he wakes up, keep him grounded” Mick said.

Mick then put his feet up on Ray’s bed, a gesture he’d done many times before when he’d hung out with Ray all he needed now was a beer and things would feel normal again. Ray had better wake up soon he was getting irritated with the anxious feelings inside him and the nagging sensation of missing something. He was becoming aware that he missed Ray’s presence, his constant chatter or silent concentration. He missed the man, he wanted Ray back. He had no idea how he was going to tell Ray this and cringed thinking about the happy excited look he was going to get and then to make it worse his heart did a happy little flip at the thought of how excited and pleased Ray was going to be when Mick told him he missed him.

“Dr Snow, Dr Wells is the lab set up to inform us if there are any changes in Rays condition” Martin asked, “Just I may be needed on the Waverider and don’t want to well.."

“Of course Martin” Caitlin replied before noting the way Mick was sitting and looking at Ray.

“I need to take these result to my lab and do some calculations, if I find anything I will let you know” Harry said before leaving the room.

Martin went to leave as well given Caitlin a glance and then a last look at Mick, a different kind of sorrow in his eyes. It was as if he wanted to say something to the man but couldn’t find the words, he wanted to say more than words of comfort, there was almost regret there. He then left the room and Caitlin felt like she was putting two and two together,

“Wait Martin since I can’t take any samples I’m gonna run some data through my work station if you could give me a second opinion” She said and Martin smiled and nodded at her.

“I will return if anything changes but just keep an eye on his vitals ok” Caitlin said to Mick before leaving him alone with Ray.

Mick sighed, was everyone coming up with the same results he was, was everyone trying to play damn match maker, and is that what he wanted. He hadn’t really sorted through the weird mix of feelings but when he thought he and Ray were gonna die he had been frantic. He was pretty sure somewhere in the nearly dying part there had been an agreement to go on a date but then fact that others like Amaya and now Snow seemed to pick up on it was bothering him. Was it that obvious!

Well for now Mick didn’t care, what was important was for Ray to stop ending up in med bays, for all those scientific brains to figure out what was wrong with him so he could have his fiend back. Mick wanted his friend, his partner, his well his Ray, whatever that meant. He was also gonna tie a leash around Ray so that every time he tried to do something stupid he could yank the man back, no more self-sacrificing. 

“You hear that Haircut! No more self-sacrificing, I am gonna physically tie you to my side, you’re like an untrained puppy you idiot and it’s driving me mad” Mick said.

“I don’t care if you got super strength, powers isn’t what makes you you and you’re the damn idiot that asked me on a date so you can’t now lie here in a frigging coma leaving me hanging.” Mick was annoyed, why did he feel like he had fallen for the biggest idiot, what was wrong with his life choices that this was now a thing.

“Ray just wake the hell up ok, just wake up and we’ll go from there” Mick said and reached over taking Rays hand and giving it a squeeze. He was so mad at the man, he wanted to tell him that, he was gonna give him the telling off of his life and then he was going to take Ray to his favourite bar in Central City and they would get drunk. Not classy but Mick didn’t care as he took his hand back for fear of someone walking in, he wasn’t ready for that. 

“There you damn idiot, hope you’re happy I’ve planned our first date!” Mick said angrily before noticing there was movement below Ray’s lids and some of the monitors were starting to make noises and change their displays. He took his feet off the bed and stood up just as Martin and Caitlin came into the room and saw Ray’s eyes open gingerly.

“Urg, did Barry, was I punched out by the Flash” Ray’s croaky voice asked and Mick will deny the flip of pure joy his heart did. Ray blinked confusingly and then his eyes started to dart around the room. Mick took in the moment of panic and the shared look of ‘not again’ by the other two before he shouted,

“Damn it Haircut! I had to pull your ass out of danger again, how can you be that stupid!” he finished and Martin and Caitlin both looked at him with a mixture of shock and horror.  
Rays eye suddenly snapped to Mick and recognition flared in them as he looked less panicked and more apologetic.

“We didn’t die” he said smiling and looking innocent.

“No you idiot” Mick said before sitting back in his chair and cursing the man looking at him sweetly.

“Sorry Mick, I had to think fast and….wow my head hurts” Ray said before scrunching his eyes.

“Not surprised since you decided to go on a rampage and Barry had to knock you out” Mick said with exasperation.

“So that wasn’t a dream, how the hell! Guys what is going on?” Ray said trying to sit up and Caitlin came over to help him.

“That is what we’re trying to work out Ray” She said in a reassuring voice as Ray took in the room.

“Um did I” he started before Martin added, “Yes Doctor Palmer you threw a bench through that window, then you threw Barry and tried to beat him with a door frame!” Martin finished looking at the younger man.

“Ok that’s not normal” Ray replied.

“Not normal, not normal!” Martin’s voice began to rise, “Nothing has been normal since the temporal storm, everyone’s worried sick, you’ve spent most of your time in commas, apparently you may now have super powers, there’s chip in your head and a new fear of the colour green!” Martin couldn’t keep it in anymore as it all came tumbling out and Ray just sat there confused and for once speechless. Ray turned to Mick who just shrugged at him and said,

“Oh we’ll have words later” making sure Ray knew he was in trouble for pulling another near death stunt.

“Yes well, ok I think there is some explaining to do and it’s a good thing you’re sitting down Raymond” Martin said as he began to piece together the last few days and Ray tried to make sense of what was being told to him. There was a lot to take in but a weird part of him had a very childish thought going round his head. It was like Ray was a small child choosing his favourite colour because he couldn’t get the thought out of his head, the thought that told him yellow was good and green was bad.


	7. Chapter 6

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 6

Confused was not normally a feeling Ray had to battle with, after all he was smart enough to work his way out of most situations and solve most problems. But he had no answer why Caitlin’s needles didn’t piece his skin or why every time he tried to pick something up he crushed it in his hands. There was just mystery upon mystery pilling up with no good answer, so one conclusion is somehow the temporal storm had given him super strength, there was no evidence to back it up and he hated having a theory with no way to test or quantify it but what else could they go on and then there was this chip.

The microchip must have been the result of his parent’s research to cure his illness as a child, he’d explained that he hadn’t been able to go in direct sunlight before the age of 10 and then after that had started getting stronger. When asked about his life before 10 he said he remember being home schooled, being weak, not getting on with his brother much, he’d been a little lonely but that was about it. He knew he got regular treatments and his parents had worked hard to cure him, weirdly when he tried to focus too much on the past that there was that stinging sensation and that’s when headaches would start.

Without being able to take a sample Caitlin had no way to prove the existence of a disease in Ray having been there and since his parents treated him privately there wasn’t a single medical record of it at all. All that came up was that the Palmers had made a lot of money from research and development and had sold patents to companies such as Lex Corp but nothing on what these were. Some of their inventions and discoveries had been ground-breaking, changing the face of medical research as well as technological breakthroughs, but the base research was a guarded secret. Cisco had tried his hardest to hunt down anything but he had come up blank and they were on the same conclusion that anything to be found out must be on hard copies with the Palmers themselves.

Cisco and Caitlin had not told Ray that something seemed off, something was not right and everything screamed of some kind of cover up but their friend had come back from the brink of death and his team were ecstatic to see him on his feet. There was no point to keeping him in med bay, he was in perfect physical health and honestly he was needed to help fix the ship. Team Flash really wanted access to Gideon to confirm some things and that meant having her on full power. The part that worried Caitlin was whatever damage may have been done to Ray psychologically, near death experiences could be harsh scars to live with and Ray seemed to shake them off like it was an everyday occurrence, one day all that trauma would catch up with him. She’d gone to talk to Sara and the team Captain had looked at her sadly saying it was just part of who Ray was and that she wished sometimes he wasn’t so ready to run head first into life or death situations.

“I know I choose the missions and agree on the team but it’s Ray, he won’t hold back if he thinks he can save everyone, even if that means sacrificing himself” Sara said sadly, “We all have things haunting us and traumas to carry, Ray is better at it than any of us and I wonder how he can always stay so positive somehow!” She continued.

“Sara I get that but it’s different, he’s had real brain trauma and something isn’t right, this thing with the ‘green’ and the headaches when he tries to remember his past. I am really worried.” Caitlin said full of concern.

“We’re all worried but unless Ray wants to talk about it he won’t and believe me he likes to talk its part of his charm. Truthfully if something is haunting him then like many of us it’s better to leave it in the past. He is more careful about his life now he has Mick and if anyone is gonna know it be him. If your worried ask Mick, I know he seems unapproachable but if it means helping Ray he’s your man” Sara responded and watched as Caitlin tried to form the next questions,

“Are they together, I mean I am happy for them and all but just they kinda act like they are and well you just said Micks the one to ask about Ray” She said in an embarrassed voice trying not to pry but clearly curious.

“They’re partners, they got each other’s backs but not dating” Sara said smiling when Caitlin’s face fell a little. “Mick is doing his best ‘the lady does protest too much’ act and hasn’t got there yet with telling Ray about his feelings and Ray was way to oblivious to his own feelings let alone Micks. The ones of us that can see it coming a mile off are just waiting, letting it bloom” Sara finished.

“Oh I see, I mean for a man that glares daggers at everyone and is nothing but threatening he seems almost sweet with Ray, looks like he wants to kill Nate most of the time but well just, it’s kinda sweet.” Caitlin added.

“Yeah poor Nate has the unfortunate position of Ray’s best mate and they act like brothers, makes Mick jealous, not that he’ll admit it or even really understood why Nate annoys him so much. Being with Amaya helped ease the tension plus she worked out the Ray/Mick thing pretty fast, us girls have that intuition. But you have to admit their no just sweet, they’d make a hot couple! I can imagine the makeup sex after they fight would be something” Sara said with a grin and Caitlin blushed furiously,

“Sara, don’t say that. I’m not gonna be able to look at them now, thanks for that image” She said before saying her goodbyes and going back to trying to figure out the mystery that was Rays erratic behaviour and sudden super powers. She would have to talk to Mick at some point if she didn’t make any more headway but was still a bit nervous around the man. 

Sara returned to the Waverider where Ray was helping Jax and Cisco put things back in order. They had been working flat out and clearly lost in a world of engineering and technobabble. Mick was sat nearby and would hand Ray tools, he somehow was drinking a beer and Sara suspected that Ray had fixed the fabricator as a favour to the man that was probably still pissed at him for the stunt on the moon. She hoped those two would have an honest talk soon, the tension between them was getting ridiculous now. She knew Barry was on board somewhere because both Ray and Jax would fire off bits of info on things that needed plugging in elsewhere to see if they were back online and soon after another of the ships functions would be back on.

Nate and Amaya were on clean up and Sara was on her way to help them as another system came back online and Gideon made a relieved sound. 

“I believe I am back to 80% power and functionality”. She said and Sara noted the pleased look on the boys faces.

“Ok, we need a few more parts which means Firestorm is up for a bit of trans morphing materials” Jax said calling Martin up and telling him to meet him in the cargo bay before leaving.

“Ray since we have to wait why don’t we go work on your suit, get it fixed up! I mean just because your super strong doesn’t mean you can’t also shoot lasers and fly as well” Cisco said excitedly but shrank back by the sudden “No” from Mick.

“Haircut!” he said with a warning as Ray turned to him, “Fresh air, a break and well I need a beer that isn’t fabricated” was Mick answer as he got up stared at his partner.

Ray’s face cracked into a smile as he apologised to Cisco and said he’d work on the suit in a bit but a bit of fresh air and to stretch his legs may help out. Mick was now glaring at Cisco and the man wasn’t sure he liked being looked at like that, like he was trying to take Micks heatgun from him or something.

“Don’t look so happy Haircut I still owe you a lecture about self-preservation. Plus not letting you near that suit, don’t want you to have any more excuses to throw yourself out of airlocks until one of the docs says your good” Mick explained trying to sound angry, stern and fed up with Ray when Sara could tell he was trying to look out for the man and keep him safe.

“I said I was sorry Mick, I just acted without thinking” Ray replied.

“That’s your problem, that’s why you’re such a pain in my ass, for a genius you do a lot of ‘acting without thinking” Mick said back voice low and agitated.

Cisco sensed something was coming and decided this was the best time to leave the situation and Sara thought it was best if she left the two to work this out.  
Ray and Mick stood there in a standoff, staring at each other.

“Mick if I hadn’t done what I did, the whole team could have been in danger, I tried to get you to safety but you wouldn’t leave so I protected you the best I could, sorry if you got hurt…” Ray started to apologise again before Mick snapped back,

“I don’t care about me getting hurt, I want to make sure you don’t get yourself killed!” Mick said looking dangerous.

“Well I care if you get hurt, more than anyone on this team if something happened to you” Ray blurted out and then looked very embarrassed, “Look Mick I can’t help it I’m just wired to put others first, you especially” the last two words came out as a whisper.

“Damn it Haircut your my bloody partner you think you’re not the first person I want to keep safe on this team” Mick said with a growl “I hate seeing you get hurt, putting yourself in those situations, especially for me, don’t get why I’m so damn important!” He finished.

“For the same reason, we’re partners, we’re…”Ray started to trail off.

“You drive me mad Haircut, you…” Mick said and then took a breath to calm himself and steel his nerves, “I was worried Ray, and don’t look at me like that, I’m not used to feeling like this” Mick finished and had to turn away from the look of joy on Rays face.

“I know, for the first time in a while I’m not sure what the right words are but maybe I could buy you that beer” Ray said and then started staring at the floor.

“Maybe this isn’t a words kind of situation” Mick replied as he took a step closer to Ray so they were practically face to face. Mick could feel his heart racing, was he really going to do what he thought he was going to do. For one thing he wanted to have Ray look at him. Ray was a bit lost by this situation too and maybe just maybe they could find what it is they’d been dancing around. Mick tentatively put out his hand and placed it on Ray’s cheek gently lifting his head so he could look the man in the eyes. This was it, his next move couldn’t be taken in any other way.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Ray stood there a slight tremble in anticipation as Mick stroked his thumb over his cheek looking at him as if he was a marvel. Mick was taking in his features his eyes approving and Ray swallowed nervously waiting for Mick to make his move.

Suddenly Ray saw a memory, which was weird because he had no recollection of this before. Someone was looking down at him, was it his parents, they very much looked at him with approval. Ray put his hand over Micks and squeezed his eyes shut. He could hear the concern in Micks voice as he called his name. Ray didn’t get why his parents were looking at him like that, they must have finished his treatments, must have found the cure cause they looked pleased with themselves but the next thing they said didn’t make sense,

“He’s perfect, that was a little harder but no one will tell them apart. He will look just like Sydney and the chip will mean there’s no way it can be undone”

“We did good, no one will ever know, especially not Raymond!”

What the hell were his parents talking about, his head hurt again. He heard Mick curse and realised he was beginning to use to much force to hold onto his hand, he must be crushing Micks fingers. Ray let go of Micks hand and grabbed both sides of his head as that stinging pain started again.

“Haircut!” He heard Mick say before announcing on the comms that something was wrong with Ray.

“I’m ok Mick, just a headache, just….I think I’m having a nightmare, been having them a lot, just am I awake?” Ray looked up eyes glassy with pain and disorientation.

Barry zipped into the room and looked at the scene immediately knowing to get both men to the lab. In a blink of an eye Ray was back under that scanner with the doctors looking at his scans. Caitlin came over and tried to look at the hand he hadn’t even realised he was cradling and shrank back from her with an angry glare muttering “I’m fine!”

“Well it looks like you may have had your hand crushed and there will be broken bones, so let me set the damaged fingers unless you never want to pick up your heatgun again”

Caitlin said her authority as a doctor and the threat of not using the heatgun enough to let Mick let her go about her job. All the time he watched as Ray just lay there patiently as if it was some kinda of learned response to let people poke around your head and not complain or move.

“He’ll be alright, just we need to work out what happened” Caitlin’s asked him.

“He just went glassy, like he wasn’t totally with me and then said he had a headache” Mick said not taking his eyes of Ray.

“Did anything trigger it, what where you doing before?” Caitlin continued to question.

“Nothing, not your damn business what me and Haircut were doing!” Mick snapped at her.

“It is if it helps Ray, if it gives us any insight to why he’s in so much pain and why he may be having more seizures” She countered.

“Ain’t no seizure, we were just looking at each other, I went to…. I just looked him in the eye and then he went vacant and then dropped in pain” Mick said a mixed of worry and begrudgment for having to share any details of their moment.

“Not all seizures cause fits, sounds like he had an absence and then was in pain right, what did he say” Caitlin asked.

“Said he was having a nightmare, gets them a lot these days and then he couldn’t tell if he was awake or not” Mick finally looked at her then, “What’s wrong with him?” he asked now not hiding the concern in his voice.

“I don’t think there nightmares, I think there memories. I think somehow Ray had repressed memories and after the temporal blast they are coming back to the surface. From the pattern he gets a headache whenever something jogs his memory and I don’t think there good memories as they are causing him a lot of pain.” Caitlin said with an honesty Mick was grateful for.

“And I think it’s the chip that is blocking the memories!” Came Harry’s voice from the doorway. “I think it’s time we called everyone together” He said before heading back into the cortex to make the call to both teams.

“So physically I’m fine but somehow that chip has made me forget something and that something isn’t very pleasant right” Came Ray’s shaky voice as he began to sit up.

“Dr Palmer I’m not sure you should be getting up” Martin chastised.

“You heard Harry, team meeting and I do think I have the right to be there for it” Ray countered getting up looking a little tired and pale.

Ray then saw Mick’s bandaged hand, it looked like two of his fingers hand been broken but they’d been set as Caitlin went to collect all her data and make her way to the cortex.

“Oh god Mick I’m sorry, I forgot my strength I didn’t mean to.” Ray said looking distraught.

“Stop being an idiot, this wasn’t your fault” Mick said looking non plussed by his hand, “Me and Len had fights that nearly put us both in the hospital, not gonna be a baby because you accidently squeezed my hand too hard. Now come on apparently we all have to go to this meeting” Mick said and offering Ray a shoulder to lean on they walked into the cortex. Martin followed them a mixture of wanting to smile a little at how they were clearly finally moving in a direction on the more romantic end of the spectrum but also worried about what all this repressed memories meant for Ray.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Everyone from the two teams were gathered in the cortex all looking a little anxious. Ray was sitting trying to look unconcerned and hopeful but there was no denying he looked tired and a little fearful. Mick was standing protectively by his side looking ready to physically fight any words he thought Ray didn’t need to hear. Everyone else was either standing or sitting in chairs or on consoles as Harry spoke.

“Ok I’ve been through every data base known to man and some of the metal scanned in this chip is definitely not from Earth, now that Gideon is nearly back to 100% she has confirmed that before we couldn’t take samples she recognised alien DNA in Ray and it doesn’t appear to have been a mistake. But let’s take the alien part of this off the table for now” Harry said and slapped up an enlarged picture of the chip onto a board for all to see.

“I’ve run equations and I’ve talked with Gideon, Doctor Stein and Snow and what we have pieced together is that this chip s somehow blocking parts of Ray’s brain. It is in fact damaged and now only doing part of the job it was designed for” Harry continued.

“And that job would be” Sara asked with concern.

“It’s hard to get a 100% answer to that but for one thing it is causing certain memories to be repressed, Snow’s observations and data confirm this” and Caitlin nodded in response.

“I think Harry is right, the seizures both the fitting variety and the absences trigger a pain reaction from the chip. Every time Ray seems to have what he thinks is a nightmare he gets a headache or becomes agitated. I think he’s starting to remember something and the chip is trying hard to make sure he doesn’t” Caitlin concluded.

“What would Ray’s parents make a cure for him that also repressed his memories” Nate asked confusion evident.

“I’m not entirely convinced there was ever a disease, that is in fact a false story to cover something else up and the chip is blocking the memory of what really happened to Doctor Palmer” Harry offered and everyone just stood there in silence looking shocked and confused.

“Hey guys, as much as I love being talked about still here” Ray added trying to be light hearted in the face of the grim expressions on his friend’s faces.

“So you’re telling me I may never have been ill as a child, my parents made a chip to help me forget what really happened and after it got damaged. I’m trying to remember something that clearly doesn’t want to be remembered” Ray said with scientific detachment.

“That sounds about right Doctor Palmer” Harry replied.

“I found evidence in the scans that you have gone under a great deal of medical procedures, there was a lot of surgical scarring throughout your body” Caitlin added.

“Was?” Sara asked.

“Gideon has the results she took but as time has gone on the scars have healed. The only one that haven’t and wont is the reconstruction surgery to Rays face. That is permanent” Caitlin explained.

“Wait a minute, are you telling me something happened to my face, that it might not be my face, that I was made to look like this” Ray said beginning to sound less clinical and more freaked out.

“I’m sorry to say but yes as a child you had facial reconstruction surgery. I’m sorry Ray but without those memories or access to your parent’s data we don’t know why.” Caitlin added trying to be sympathetic.

“It sounds like someone was conducting an experiment of Ray and then erased his memories. These are the kind of stories and missions the JSA dealt with when dealing with foes such as Nazis” Amaya added to the conversation causing Ray to stand up.

“My parents weren’t Nazi’s!!!” Ray shouted looking freaked, “Ok yeah I don’t have a clear picture of what happened before I was 10 but after I had a normal life, went to school, studied my arse off, worked out and built a tech empire, made my parents proud, one upped Sydney and well then I died but now I’m a legend!” Ray continued but the wind left his sails as he sat down heavily and put his head in his hands, “this doesn’t make sense” he said quietly and Mick put his hand on the back of Ray’s chair, close enough to let Ray know he was there and Ray was grateful for the gesture.

“Ray Buddy look maybe since you know it was a modified Nazi drug that made me, well maybe someone tried to do the same to you and your parents found out and created the chip to save you any pain from finding out. I mean if the serum didn’t work then well maybe after being hit by the temporal storm it triggered something and that gave you super strength. Its possible right, right guys” Nate said desperate for an option that would give his friend some comfort, he knew that he must have said something right as Mick looked at him without glaring and for once looked appreciative, plus Amaya was squeezing his arm gently.

“As Legends we’ve seen some stuff, it’s no without possibility” Sara said smiling at her team.

“I think Mr Heywood has a point, it’s a theory worth considering” Martin added.

Barry watched the way the Legends interacted, they were a family, each one carrying a past, all escaping from something and running towards something greater. They were misfits but together they were strong and supportive and one of theirs was hurting and it hurt the rest of them too.

“Ok so we have theories what do you guys want to do about them, it’s your memory Ray but we need to go from here” Barry said, Ray just shook his head and looked at the floor.

“We need answers, we’ve come as far as we can. We go back to plan A and take the Waverider to before Ray supposedly died and get his parents to look at the chip, it eithers needs fixing or removing” Sara said taking charge as their captain.

“Ray I can’t let you suffer like this as your leader, no as your friend I have to make a call” she said to Ray.

“Um I hate to be a hypocrite but you’re not worried about changing the timeline with that plan” Barry added.

“Oh Barry we are so past that point, it’s not like we haven’t got our fingerprints all over the timeline” Sara said.

“He has a point Miss Lance, we correct and remove aberrations from time but never mess with our own, ok yes I get that Lilly now exists but well we have no idea what the chip does when its 100% functioning or how his parents will react to us turning up and asking us to remove it” Martin explained and Sara was going to fight back when Ray’s small voice replied,

“These nightmares, if their memories…I think my parents, I don’t want to go see them” He sounded like a child and he knew it but the longer he thought the more broken and confused he got. He felt like he could do anything physically, his bare hands so powerful but his mind felt tattered and torn.

“We need answers” Sara said concerned and conflicted.

“How about hypnosis?” Cisco added. “I mean it’s been used to help people remember buried memories”.

“Yes, that could work and if there is any sign it is causing Ray discomfort or pain we could stop right away” Caitlin’s said a little hope in her voice.

“It’s worth a shot, Ray?” Sara asked.

“If you ask me it’s better to let painful memories lie, nothing good comes of dragging up painful experiences of the past” Micks agitated voice added in and he looked at Sara in defiance clearly not on board with that plan.

“I say we try and find a way to break into Ray’s parents and steal the hard data you are all moaning about being so hard to get, leave Haircuts brain alone.” Mick added.

“Oh course Mr Rory your option is steal the data, wonderful” Martin added.

“Actually that might work, I mean I worked with Snart to break into Argus. If anyone can case a joint like him it would be you Mick and with my speed I could be in and out before anyone notices” Barry said and Mick looked at him approvingly.

“Mick I can give you all the plans of my parents’ house and all the security codes, I just don’t think I can go on this mission but if you need me” Ray said finally looking up and gesturing for a tablet to type in codes and get up blue prints of the house.

“Sorry partner but this job is just for me and nerd flash over there” Mick said hoping it meant Ray would take the opportunity to rest and digest.

“Thanks Mick, guys this has been well informative but I think I need to lie down” Ray added rubbing his eyes at the tablet.

“Hey I can get the blue prints” Cisco added coming over and taking the tablet.

Ray gave a small smile and got up to walk back to med bay beds. Caitlin and Martin followed after to make sure he was going to be ok. Once out of the cortex Cisco got the schematics and blue prints for the Palmers home and together with Mick and Barry they worked out their break in mission. The rest of the Legends were all briefed to be on standby if they were needed but hopefully this was going to be a simple heist. Mick hoped so, after the last one going so wrong this had better be a simple heist!


	8. Chapter 7

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 7

It turned out things had aligned themselves rather well for a heist at the Palmer family home, for one thing said Palmers were away on a business trip and with the security codes Ray had given them (parents hadn’t changed them) getting in was a breeze, a pun Mick rolled his eyes at. Maybe coming from Ray it would have been cute but from Barry it was just annoying. They were still careful not to disturb anything in the house as Mick and Barry had one mission and that was to find data on Ray’s chip and the location of where he was treated and supposedly cured. Mick was wary of digging up Ray’s childhood, his own still haunted him and if he could save his partner the pain of that kind of suffering he would.

Unfortunately if they didn’t get answers then who knew what that chip would do to Ray, how and if it was related to this new strength and if Mick wanted to move his and Ray’s relationship on forwards in a healthy manor than he needed his partner to not be terrorized by memory flashbacks parading as nightmares. They’d both been aiming for their first kiss, not two broken fingers, an incapacitating headache and the revelation you were possibly a Nazi experiment. It was a bit much and Mick wanted and a little selfishly needed Ray to be ok. He needed Ray strong and stable, he made Mick feel stable and grounded, without Ray Mick got a little lost. On the other side it was a chance to show Ray his supportive side to be the one that grounded Ray and was his strength, he was scared of messing it up really and wished Len was around to help him know what to do about his giant crush on a giant nerd.

The study of the house was easy to find but it revealed nothing but files on business meetings and patents and the kind of things you expected a normal study not at an office to contain. Even going through the computer Barry found nothing but invoices for travelling and holiday plans. There were folders of family pictures and all the achievements of the Palmer brothers but weirdly they didn’t really start until the boys were around 10, Mick chalked it up to what kid did anything that amazing before 10 but Barry was quick to point out that he was already winning science fair ribbons by that age. Mick just called him a nerd trying to not let the point that if Barry was a high achiever before 10 there was no way Ray wasn’t bother him.

They schematics of the house gave them the location of what Ray called his “cured bedroom” and “pre-cured bedroom” not really giving too much detail on this. He said he remembers his bedroom growing up and was aware that before his cure he had a separate bedroom on a lower floor of the house but never gave it another thought once he moved into his new room. So they followed the design plans and were led to a lower level. The door at the bottom of the stairs was firmly locked and the control panel was one of the ones Ray didn’t have a code to, luckily it was old and hadn’t been updated in 20 years so Mick took all of 30 seconds to crack the code and bring down the security system for the floor. He felt smug thinking, this is what you get when you don’t update your security for 20 years, sometimes those abandoned areas are exactly the kind of places people want to go poking around in!

The lower floor wasn’t as big as the floors above the house and there were a couple of door off the end of the corridor and then another staircase leading further down. Barry had run strait to the door at the end which didn’t have a lock or security system but after trying to phase through just came back looking confused.

“I tried to phase but was just meet with concrete, I mean just never ending concrete. Whatever was down there is now totally under a sea of concrete no way to investigate further. Let’s hope we find the answers here” Barry explained, as they went to look at the other doors.

Each door had no modern security so cracking the looks was child’s play, Mick would even be able to reset all the locks on the way out so no one would ever know they were here. It had a rather glamourous kitchen, what house needed two kitchens, and clearly what was set up as a classroom, there was what looked more like an interrogation room than anything and then what was the saddest excuse for a bedroom.

It was given away by the colourful bedspread and a few scattering of toys and a shelf of children’s books. The study had been filled with books and teaching material so this must have been the place Ray spent his young life playing in. Even as a kid Mick had more than this, his bedroom at least had windows and he had ample action figures that were mostly half melted from being set on fire. What the hell would Ray have been doing all the time to keep from going out of his mind with boredom, how lonely it all felt down here?

Mick noticed that nothing down here gave off natural light and when he hit light switches they all came on with this artificial orange glow that took some getting used to.   
Barry had been zipping through each room and looking for clues to anything, picking up and reading everything he could find and keeping his mind focused on investigation so ask not to take in what all of this meant for child Ray. He finally called Mick over to the one door that did have proper security, this room had a more complex panel to bypass and it took Mick a little longer to get past the security, if anything was gonna led to answers it would be through this door. 

Neither men were really prepared for what they found as the level of technology in this room by far exceeded the rest of the house and a lot of technology out there in the world. The room was full of monitors and recording equipment, it was like a smaller version of the cortex and very much like Felicity’s workstation at the Arrow cave. This was where they recoded data, this was where they would find answers as Barry turned on the computer system. Attached to this monitoring station was another room more like a large storage space. It was filled with inventions and tech, but also a whole area designated to medical tools and devices. Mick had Barry come look at all of it and Barry suggested that these must be items his parents used to “cure” Ray and make the chip. Both men were getting a bad feeling about all this.

Barry handed Mick a high tech camera and a scanner (apparently they would be able to recreate 3d images of everything back at Star labs), he was to photo document everything for analysis and scan everything, and he had a device to scan in the pages of every hard copy file they found so nothing was left unchecked. Mick got to work as Barry went back to the computer to try and figure out a way in. Mick over heard many conversations Barry was having with Cisco and Harry back at the Lab as they tried to find a way around the passwords to get into the computer. Seems even super speed doesn’t get every job done. Mick went back to scanning and photographing, it was a long and boring job but he knew it was important so just tried to blank out the mental pictures as he took photos of equipment like bone saws and various sized syringes.

He was soon opening a large cabinet in the store room and his heart nearly stopped and he felt cold. It was one thing to find the array of drugs and chemicals in there, some of them deadly and nothing to do with medicine. He was horrified by the vials of what were poisons and the collection of chemicals that he knew well from using them to melt through material such as metal and concrete. What the hell did these have to do with curing a sick kid, what the hell would Ray’s parents need a chemical that ate away copper, this was something he’d used to corrode wiring in bank vaults. As his eyes scanned the shelf he became more and more nauseous trying to ignore what he found inside and concentrate on documenting it all. He was distracted by the cheer from the other room as Barry had finally got into the computer system.

Mick was glad to finally close the cabinet and head to another area, this storage space was turning out to be bigger than he thought, the shelving units in the centre making it look half the size but once he walked around them he noticed the bank of filling cabinets lining one wall and the large metals doors set into the back of the room. He wasn’t quite sure what to do next but after the weird horror of that cabinet the metal doors couldn’t be any worse. So he went to open them noticing immediately how cold to the touch they were and recognising this was some kind of refrigeration storage. He gingerly opened the door not wanting to admit to himself what he knew he would find.

They drugs and liquids that needed chilling where obviously in here too but that was not what made him swear loudly and kick the refrigerator door. The loud sound of boot and door plus his swearing caused Barry to zip in all ready to tell Mick off for kicking the door and what if he had dented it. But once he saw what Mick saw the words died on his lips as both men looked at the contents before them.

“What the hell is this?” Mick asked through gritted teeth as his anger began to rise.

“Tissue samples, blood samples and organs” Barry began to explain before Mick turned and glared at him.

“I can see that, but why the hell are they here what the hell are organs doing floating in jars in a fridge in Haircuts basement, down the hall from his bloody bedroom” Mick said agitated and not wanting to know the answer.

“Calm down I don’t know, I mean I can guess….” Barry started but Mick grabbed him by his collar his face a picture of furious rage,

“For god sakes that’s an eyeball, that’s a bloody eyeball in a jar marked Raymond age 3!!!” Mick shouted, “Damn it look at the labels, they all have Haircuts name on them and age one them” Mick continued but the reality was beginning to sink in as he let go of Barry and with a shaking hand went to pick up one of the jars.

Mick was going to smash every one of them, he was going to take these horrific things and destroy them. Barry must have sensed it and grabbed his wrist.

“If you plan on keeping that wrist then I suggest letting go red” Mick said in a low menacing voice.

“I know how you feel Mick, but if you do this then they’ll know we were here. The people who did this will know someone’s been here” Barry tried to reason.

“You mean Haircuts parents, you mean the people he speaks fondly of, that he loves those people.” Mick said with darkness in his tone and eyes full of hate as he lowered his hand. Barry relaxed more then.

“Look Mick we don’t know for sure but yes, Ray parents have some answering to do but we need to find out what happened here. We can’t help Ray if we don’t know” Barry said a little desperate but he saw Mick still a little.

Mick wanted to rage, he wanted to beat Barry to pulp for just being there and not letting him rage but overriding all this was his desire to make sure Ray was ok and if they needed the data then he would have to wait. Barry had taken the camera and scanner and had quickly recorded their findings in the refrigerator.

“Mick I am downloading everything off the computer, I’ll finish in here just let me know when the download is complete ok” Barry said and Mick knew Barry was trying to give him the opportunity to get away from all this horror and compose himself. He left the room and went to sit in the chair and wait for the download. 

Mick was breathing heavier and trying to fight the myriad of emotions going on in his head, he wasn’t stupid he knew what organs looked like and there had clearly been a row of about 5 jars, each had a kidney and each had Ray’s name on it with an age, 3,4,5,6,7. Apart from the question of how they had removed 5 kidneys from Ray more so was why, why did they need to take body parts out of Ray throughout his young life, it make Mick sick. The computer finally read 100% on the download of data, it had taken a lot longer than he’d expected and he was wondering why Barry was still in the storage room. Mick got up to collect the speedster, he wanted out of this place.

“Oi, nerd flash your computer stuff is downloaded can we get out of here now” Mick said trying to hold back the tide of anger.

Mick took one look at Barry’s ashen face and he felt the rage build up again. Barry was reading one of the files looking pale and like he wanted to be sick but on seeing Mick tried to snap out of it.

“Mick, um I’ve scanned all the files, you don’t need to look at anything more, I’ll get the download and we can be out of here in a few moments” Barry said hastily and put the file away and zipped out the room.

Mick didn’t think he could take it anymore and deliberately turned away from the files to stare resolutely at the shelves. He noticed on a lower shelf a panel of wood and immediately recognised a trick shelf when he saw one. Getting it open was nothing and it revealed a panel on the floor that slid back to expose the top of a safe. Pushing the shelves out the way wasn’t that hard they didn’t weigh much and he was fuelled by anger and determination as he cracked the safe. Inside was a metal briefcase and a lead box. He took out both things and opened the briefcase which was heavy as if it too was lined with lead, inside gleamed precision medical tools such as a scalpel but each item had a green end almost like they’d been tipped with emerald. He then opened the lead box and found inside a stone of green that shone brightly, whatever this was Ray’s parents really didn’t want anyone to find it and it looked valuable.

Damn it Mick thought no matter what Barry was going to say he wasn’t leaving without stealing the two most expensive and valuable items in the room. This was gonna be his “fuck you” to Rays parents. It wouldn’t make up for what was stolen from Ray but hell if he could sell these items and make a nice profit it was something he could do for Ray, possible pay for the best date ever with the funds and make sure Ray never had to think about this shit ever. And since he was going a stealing he decided that might as well take something of use too. He headed back to the fridge unit trying not to look at anymore jars and grabbed a couple of Ray’s blood samples. If he really had a disease then these samples from his youth would show signs.

Mick went to leave the room and was face to face with the filing cabinets. He didn’t want to open them, he didn’t want to read what was in those files but also if there was something in them, something that would mean he could understand and help Ray better didn’t he have a duty to look. Mick opened the filling cabinet and pulled out a file at random opening it up. He started to read scanning the page as most of it was medical jargon but some of it was clear as day, the file had a date and a time and the titles “subject child X”, Mick felt angry again at Ray’s parents. It became clear that they never used his name in these files he was always referred to as “Subject child X”. He read on scanning the document and picking out key words such as experiment and test.

There was no doubt in Micks mind that whatever these people were doing it was not curing a sick child but using his as a guinea pig. In this file 7 year old Ray was being tested for his resistance to poisons. It detailed the ever increasing dosage, reaction, recovery time and relation somehow to the change of light exposure and radiation exposure. Mick put it down and with a trembling handpicked another file opening it to see it was 4 year old Ray and the title was “Fire trials”. It took only a few sentences for Mick to get what this experiment was going to be. Those people were going to burn their child, they were going to expose Ray to increasingly hotter flames and see if he burnt, they were going to torch his flesh before moving onto bigger areas and then maybe see what happened in they just set Ray on fire, a 4 year old boy, younger than Mick was, a child that was going to grow up into a man who cared more about others than himself, a man that had taught Mick to care, the man that Mick was falling for was tortured by his own parents. 

That was it that was the last straw, Mick couldn’t hold in the anger, he was sick, mad and horrified these people had to pay. Barry called to let them know it was time to leave and Mick secured the stolen items, the lead box in his pocket and case in hand then walked out to meet Barry who was looking sullen. Mick upholstered his gun and began to raise it up. Barry then noted the briefcase Mick had in one hand and the heatgun in the other in confusion as Mick turned to face the room he just existed lifted the gun and let fire reign down.

“Mick what the hell are you doing!” Barry yelled but Mick didn’t care.

“Letting it all burn and don’t even think of stopping me” Mick shouted out with hostility.

Barry went to try and put out the flames but realised he had nowhere to fan them out of even if he could blow them away. Mick was not stopping he had a wildness in his eyes as he gleefully watched everything burn despite Barry’s protests.

“I don’t care if they find out someone’s been here, let them come find me, I’ll teach them a lesson, I show them what it feels like to burn alive” Mick said a little madness creeping into his voice. He finally put down the gun and watched as the flames danced before turning to Barry and all of the shock and anger drained from Barry’s face. Micks face was wet from tears, they ran down his cheeks and his eyes betrayed the sorrow, rage and need for vengeance,

“No Barry you don’t understand how I feel” Mick said and Barry took the opportunity to run, grab Mick and speed them both out of there and as far away from the Palmer home as possible. As Barry ran he thought of Mick’s grief stricken face and his haunted words and Barry knew for certain that he did understand. If this had been Iris’s family home he would have done the same, Mick Rory was a man just like him and he was a man who just found out that the person he cared about most in this world had been tortured beyond human comprehension.   
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Ray had gone to see the Waverider off, truthfully he wanted to say something more to Mick but he didn’t have the words, there was just too much to take in. Nate and Amaya were by his side and he was grateful for their support and friendship. Once Mick had got ready for this mission Nate hadn’t left his side wanting to make sure his friend was nearby. Ray noted the way Nate had nodded to Mick, some kind of silent agreement to watch him while Mick was away and Ray was so grateful to the relationships he’d formed since becoming a Legend. Sara was flying the Waverider to its location and Jax had gone just in case the ship needed any quick repairs, Martin was still with Caitlin trying to work out the cause of Ray’s headache.

Ray wasn’t ready to go in he needed the fresh air and sitting in the sun was making him feel a lot better. He closed his eyes but there were so many thoughts, he was a puzzle, a mystery and he didn’t have any of the clues to solve it but worse of all he was a lie and he didn’t have the courage to face that.

“They’ll get you answers Ray” came Amaya’s reassuring voice, “Mick isn’t gonna leave that place till he has something to help you”. Ray smiled at her and nodded in agreement,

“I know, Mick’s got my back. It’s just I’m torn between wanting to know and really not. Plus I don’t understand these powers and it’s a bit of a mess” Ray replied head still in confusion.

“You’ll get used to your powers, I did and though the source wasn’t exactly the best the person who created the serum that gave these powers was” Nate said trying to cheer his friend up. Ray laughed a little then and looked at his friends.

“I think I need to learn to control this strength a little more and I think you guys would probably know more about that then me” Ray asked,

“Oh course, this is something I know a lot about, how to control impulses to make sure you use the strength given to you appropriately and not hurt anyone” Amaya said sounding positive and offering to help.

Upon hearing “not to hurt anyone” Ray’s face fell a little but the other two didn’t pry, they’d noticed Mick’s splinted fingers but didn’t want to make Ray feel any worse than he did.

“I hurt Mick” Ray said in a small sad voice.

“But you didn’t mean too, you guys weren’t fighting or anything you said you were just talking, I know Mick can be a scary guy but it was an accident” Nate reassured.

“We were the opposite of fighting, we were, we were good, really good and then I hurt him, I hurt him” Ray said beginning to get angry at himself and Amaya could sense this.

“Ray calm down, look I’d have to be blind and since I have the eyes of a hawk not much gets past me. You and Mick, I know ok, neither of you would hurt the other on purpose and I’m sorry that your moment was broken but once they have answers, once there is a plan to get you to either remember, or fix the chip or just back to being in control you guys will have another chance ok” Amaya said with determination but also with caring and understanding knowing that Mick and Ray probably were still working out this thing between them let alone the fact that others had worked it out.

Ray looked a little surprised before smiling at her, “We that obvious” he said.

“Well only to those with enough intuition, I had to practically spell it out for Nate before he ended up getting punched” Amaya said and Nate made a face of disapproval.

“Hey it’s not my fault, that’s on Mick! If he was crushing on my man here so bad then he should have said so rather than looking like he wanted to beat me up because he was jealous” Nate said and then looked apologetic at Ray.

“I don’t think I helped much since I was kinda oblivious too and also keeping my own feelings hidden, was so happy we were back to being partners didn’t dare want to push for anything else” Ray replied and it felt good to finally talk about it to finally admit to someone what he was feeling. With all the other things crashing and turning themselves upside down around him, it felt good to talk about something that could actually be a normal stable thing in his life.

“Mick was mad at me, it started as an argument but it finally clicked why he was so mad, he was worried and I have a small habit of throwing myself at the most dangerous situation without much thought of my own safety” Ray explained.

“Yeah, I’ve noticed that but isn’t that why your partners, so you’re not alone and can have each other’s backs” Nate replied.

“I think it’s why Mick’s got it bad for you Ray, the fact that you’re willing to put him first is new to him but also one of the reasons you drive him mad. You’ve given him something special and then the next minute you put yourself in a situation where he could lose that special something” Amaya said Ray looked at her a little embarrassed, like he was annoyed he hadn’t worked that part out himself.

“Ray sometimes the ones with the feelings, the ones that are falling in love are the last people to work it out and you have the added problem of falling for one of the most complex men I’ve met when it comes to understanding their feelings. The very fact that Mick is your partner, that the two of you just seem to get each other speaks volumes, but you guys had to figure it out for yourselves” Amaya added and Ray felt relieved, he should have talked to his friends sooner, maybe he would have made a move sooner, maybe he wouldn’t have put himself in so much danger and wouldn’t be going through all this turmoil.

“When we were in space, I finally asked Mick on a date, it was half a joke but after everything has been a mess of pain and nightmares and confusion. But then we were there Mick was done with words and well he was going to, you know we were going” Ray started stammering feeling like a teenage boy and for some reason just blushed and tripped over what he wanted to say.

“So Mick was about to make his move and finally kiss you, about time but I take it something stopped him” Amaya said rescuing her friend from his adorable flusteredness. 

“Yeah but it triggered a memory and then one of those fits Caitlin’s been describing, I had his hand in mine and I was in pain.” Ray started to explain, “I didn’t mean to just with the pain and the strength held on too tight” Ray explained.

“I honestly don’t think Mick cares one bit that you squashed a few fingers man. If it was me and I was about to kiss the person I liked and then they suddenly collapsed in pain the last thing I would care was about a few stupid fingers. You really don’t have to dwell on this” Nate added to the conversation.

“Nate’s right on this one, there are bigger things going on and this is Mick. We can help you control your strength so just relax and when he gets back for god sakes just kiss him ok” Amaya said taking great pleasure in the look on Rays face, a mix of shock and embarrassment. Then Ray stilled and you could tell he was thinking. Ray had come to a decision something had clicked into place and he stood up with new determination.

“You can help me control my strength but my mind is the problem, if I already knew what those nightmares/memories were I wouldn’t have freaked and me and Mick would be on a date somewhere. I have to know, I have to get some kind of control back” Ray said and started heading back into Star labs with haste. Nate and Amaya had no choice but to follow as Ray made his way to Caitlin at her station and announced,

“Let’s try hypnosis!”

Caitlin blinked at him a few times before replying, “Are you sure Ray, were not exactly sure it will work or what you’ll see?” she replied concerned for her friend.

“I’m very sure I need to know for myself, not have a file tell me who I am, what I’m forgetting and why I can’t remember much before I was 10” Ray said with determination and Caitlin nodded with agreement.

Caitlin led Ray back to the lab bed where Martin was still looking at data with confusion and exasperation. Ray said his piece and Martin accepted that he needed to do this. This was going to happen, they were going to try and hypnotise Ray and see if he could pull forth whatever memory was haunting him and stopping him from solving this puzzle.

“Doctor Palmer there is no guarantee this will work, if the chip is indeed blocking memories it might mean we won’t get anything or there is a good chance it will cause you a great deal of pain” Martin explained.

“I’ve been in pain enough recently what is one more time if it gives us a shot at actually answers” Ray answered with determination, he needed this to work.

Caitlin got ready and had Martin on standby for if anything went wrong, Nate and Amaya were in the room and all four of then watched as Ray was put under hypnosis hoping this would help their friend and give him the answers he deserved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thing are a little dark at the moment!


	9. Chapter 8

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 8

Ray remembers the countdown and Caitlin’s soothing voice as he relaxed into the hypnotised state. Soon he was far away, the soothing voice was asking him to remember back, remember to when he was a child. He started thinking about a time he played with Sydney in the garden, for twins he was a lot scrawnier and couldn’t run as fast so Sydney would often get bored of Ray as he couldn’t keep up. It was kinda sad but he knew that soon he would be running just as fast and well soon he would throw himself into his studies and prove just how clever he was too. The voice said he was doing well but the memory needed to be older that it wanted a period of his childhood from before his disease was cured. For some reason he didn’t really want to remember this plus thinking back was begging to cause him pain.

Ray then stoned his resolve, wasn’t he prepared for the pain, wasn’t he looking for answers as he stilled himself and focused on the past and not the pain. He was going to forget all about the pain he wanted to remember something that would give him answers. 

The next memory was his old bedroom, he never thought about that place, it had been cold and sterile, this memory was of him maybe 9 looking at himself in the bedroom mirror,

“I hated my old room, it was cold and lonely. I wanted to look out the window but wasn’t allowed to have a window in my room” Ray said and Caitlin encouraged him to continue asking him what he did see.

“I’m staring at my mirror, I used to pretend it was a window, I used to draw pictures to hold up and pretend they were things outside to look at” Ray said sadly,

“Good Ray, what are you looking at today” Caitlin asked glad he had started with a memory that didn’t sound as harsh as what they may have found.

“Me, I’m staring at me. I think it’s me, my face has changed a lot recently and it’s sore” Ray explained sounding a little unsure.

“What happened to your face Ray, did you hurt it?” Caitlin said sounding concerned but trying to stay light.

“No, they’ve been fixing my face. My parents say it will help me adjust for when I move to my new room now that they’ve found a cure!” Ray said with a little more excitement before adding,

“I just don’t really understand why, I want to be cured, I want to go to my new room and go outside. I want to go play with Sydney and study and go to school but don’t get what was wrong with my face” Ray said and sadness crept into his voice,

“I don’t think my mum and dad liked my face, they decided to change it. It means I’ve had something different to look at in the mirror for a few months though” Ray added a little more positively.

“A few months?” Caitlin asked still trying to sound neutral but not wanting to admit to what she thought this meant. If Ray’s parents had done reconstructive surgery on his face it had taken a few months to get the result they wanted, that was a lot of surgery for a young boy.

“Yeah 3 months, mum said it didn’t take at first, they had to try different things to make sure it was set. But it means I get to look like the Invisible man all covered in bandages or a mummy I don’t mind that, it’s better than…” Ray trailed off.

“Ray what’s it better than?” Caitlin asked but knew she or anyone presence wouldn’t like the answer.

“It’s better than the face when they take the bandages off, at first it was funny to be purple, I pretended I was an alien but I study, I’m not stupid plus I’m used to bruises. I don’t like my face swollen, I’m ugly and scarred, there’s dried blood and the stitches itch. My eye colour is wrong, I liked having blue eyes but there brown now and it hurts, I don’t like it, it hurts!” Ray said getting more frantic.

Caitlin looked at Martin who had a pained expression on his face.

“Miss Snow, it’s not just the memory of the pain but the monitors show that he’s in physical pain too remembering this is hurting him, should we stop” Martin asked.

“No don’t please, it’s not enough” Said Ray, “I still don’t know why”.

“Doctor Palmer please you’re going to bring on another attack, let’s stop here” Martin asked but Ray just repeated his previous sentence adding, “I can remember more”.

“Ok Ray, what else tell me something more” Caitlin added but as she did she felt herself grow a little colder. She had come to control her powers and the Killer Frost persona rather well but as Ray recounted that horrible childhood memory she was finding it hard to stay unemotional and detached. But Killer Frost was ready, she could be those things and was stirring, ready to step in and take away what Caitlin was feeling. 

“I broke the mirror in the end. I just didn’t want to see my face like that anymore. After 3 months of bandages, bruising and healing and repeat I couldn’t look at the boy in the mirror, I didn’t want to be some Frankenstein’s monster. Mum said that when it heals there won’t be any scars and I wouldn’t have to worry, she was right, should have trusted her rather than getting angry and breaking the mirror!” Ray said sounding disappointed in himself.

“You were young Ray you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself” Caitlin said feeling the frost form on the tips of her fingers as she asked the next question.

“Do you remember anything from before you got cured Ray?” she said and watched as Ray’s face scrunched up a little trying to focus through the pain and fog of repressed memories. Ray was starting to sweat so Caitlin lightly stroked his forehead with her hand hoping the cool feeling would bring him some comfort. 

“I hate the orange light!” Ray said angrily and the monitors informed them that his heart rate was increasing and this memory was more painful than the last.

“Why do you hate the orange light?” Caitlin asked though she was almost too afraid too.

“I’m ill, I can’t go in real light so everything is orange, all the time but it’s worse when I have to go for treatments” Ray said matter of factly.

“What kind of treatments?” Caitlin asked.

“I don’t know, I go lie on the metal bed and then I wake up back in my bedroom. They shine the orange light and give me a sedative, I sometimes wake up with bruises and a bit of a stinging feeling but I hate all this orange” Ray continued.

“Whose they Ray, what are they doing?” Caitlin asked and was certain that she was getting colder, if she continued she would have to let frost take over, she didn’t think she was strong enough to hear the answers that might come.

“My parents, mum and dad are trying to cure me” Ray said sounding small.

“Ray this is important but can you remember anything else, anything else that your parents did before you woke up” Caitlin said.

“Of course not, I’m a sleep. Why would I remember something I’m not awake for? I’ve always been asleep during my treatments, I have, I have I have” Ray started to say on repeat.

“Miss Snow we have to wake him out of this, he’s getting more agitated” Martin said and she nodded her agreement but then Ray suddenly announced.

“It’s green again, please stop it being green!” Caitlin looked at Ray, he was pale and looked afraid and in a small frightened voice said, 

“I’m not asleep when they treat me”, it came out barely a whisper as if he wasn’t supposed to tell anyone this or not know it himself.

“I’m not meant to know this, their gonna be mad at me, please help me I’m scared” Ray said and Caitlin couldn’t help herself as she lay a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“It’s ok I’m gonna help you, you don’t have to remember” Caitlin said with warmth despite knowing her touch was probably frosty.

“Mummy is it because you don’t love me?” Ray asked looking directly at Caitlin and the pain and confusion of a young boy broke her heart, this was over she had to pull him back now and then Ray wailed out in pain.

“Mummy I hate the green knife, No I don’t want to do this stop I want to get up” Ray stared to say and he began to panic.

“Ray listen to me I’m going to start counting and your gonna wake up ok” Caitlin said and she began the process to bring him out of the hypnotic trance. As Caitlin counted back from 10 Ray continued to talk,

“Daddy’s always talking about the investments, the leaps in research. I’m gonna make them rich. I have to be quiet. Did you see that healing speed? Let’s keep him awake.

He’s talking about me! They want me awake. I remember, oh god my arm” Ray spoke sounding less like a boy and more a man remembering something as Caitlin reached number 4 of the countdown.

“I can see inside my arm, the green knife has cut it open and my mum is pulling out tendons and muscle, God it hurts. I can see all the way to the bone. There’s blood but my dad is cleaning it away so they can take the inside apart like a lab specimen, like when you dissect a frog in science!” Ray said in a panicked tone and Caitlin got to 1 and hoped they’d pulled Ray back.

Ray just lay there unblinking staring at the ceiling his expression unreadable. Caitlin was aware Martin were staring at her before Martin asked,

“Um Miss Snow, how do I put this…” he began but she could feel the chill in the air.

“It’s ok Martin, I’m Killer Frost, and well that’s my Meta persona. I just, she’s just, well colder and a little more emotionally distant and Ray, what he was saying” Caitlin tried to explain.

“It’s ok my dear, if I could turn off some of my emotions right now I would.” Martin said before turning back to the monitors to look at Ray’s readings.

Amaya and Nate just stood there looking horrified at what they had heard, Amaya was holding Nate’s hand and both of them were trying to be strong for the other. That was when the monitor signalled that Ray was going into shock, that his heart rate was spiking and a fit was being triggered. Ray started to scream and thrash about the bed before suddenly announcing,

“Oh god it’s not just my arm. I can see my legs, my chest, my abdomen. It’s all dissected, everything, their taking it all out. I can see, feel and smell it.” Ray said in a panic voice.

“Amaya, Nate hold him please. I don’t know what to do I wish I could sedate him but it looks like Killer Frost is gonna have to try and lower his temperature enough so he goes unconscious!” Caitlin said hoping this would somehow work.

Ray was strong, even steeled up Nate couldn’t hold him still and by the looks of things no matter what animal Amaya choose it wasn’t as strong as Ray. Caitlin was trying to lower his body temperature, she didn’t want to do it too fast in case it did more harm. Ray looked at her pure terror in his eyes,

“The green knife is in front of me, their gonna, their gonna….No their gonna take my EYES!!!!” Ray shouted and before anyone could even fathom what was happening twin beams of red shot from Ray’s eyes. Everyone jumped back in fright and they ducked as Ray sat up, the beam of crimson cutting through everything in its path.   
Ray suddenly put his hand over his eyes but then pilled his hands back as if he was burnt, breathing hard and trying to calm himself. A frightened Cisco suddenly came on the comms,

“What the hell was that, Me and Harry just nearly got sliced in half by laser beams!!!!”

But before Caitlin or anyone could reply Ray leapt from the bed and started to run.

Ray knew this scenario, escape the maze before the light went back to orange or green. All he had to do was make it out. He ignored the shouts from around him and the burning sensation in his eyes as he ran. He still felt strong so didn’t care if a wall stood in his way he ran straight at it, soon he realised that if he concentrated than he could use the blasts from his eyes to destroy pretty much anything in his path. He was going to get away, today he was going to win! 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

The Waverider touched down outside Star labs, no one had said a word to each other or dared to confront Mick about his decision to torch the Palmer family home. The man was still shaking with anger and had the eyes of someone dreaming of revenge and it wasn’t going to be a pretty one. What no one was expecting upon arrival was the sudden sound of a wall being destroyed and twins beams of crimson shooting out from behind said wall. The crimson beams scorched the floor but stopped before they hit anything and out of the newly created hole stepped Ray.

Ray looked frightened but also triumphant, like he’d won a race and his face looked determined. Mick immediately cursed as he looked at his partner and recognised a man that wasn’t himself. This was a man pushed to the brink and for one thing wasn’t going to recognise his team. Sara immediately contacted Team Flash to ask what happened but before she could even finish asking for details Mick roared over the comms,

“What the hell did you do to Haircut?”

“Nothing Mr Rory, Doctor Palmer asked if we could try hypnosis and well it doesn’t appear to have gone well” Martin said in a trembling voice.

“You think” came Sara’s response and then she took a breath, “Ok guys we need to go and get Ray to relax and calm down” she finished as they disembarked the ship.

Soon both the Legends and Team Flash were standing in front and behind a very agitated Ray. Ray was looking at them with no recognition, he looked like he was looking for a way out trying to size up an escape route.

“Ray it’s us your team, please just calm down and lets work this out together” Sara said as Ray looked at her clearly figuring his next move. It was lucky they had a speedster with them because Sara barely escaped being hit by Rays eye beam. She was still looking shocked at the scorched part of earth where she had once been standing when Barry asked if she was ok.

“Yeah thanks Barry but um when could Ray do that?” Sara asked.

“I’m just as confused as you, I mean the only other person I’ve seen who can do that is...” Barry started saying before Sara interrupted him,

“Don’t say it ok, I don’t think I’m ready for that ok” She finished and asked. “Ok anyone else got any ideas here”.

“Sorry Sara he’s my friend too but none of us are safe while he’s out of control like this” Barry said and sped off. Sara hated that this was going to go down but what choice did they have Barry was right.

Barry started to circle Ray at full speed he needed to take him out fast as he lined up the perfect shot and threw a lightning bolt. It connected and Ray just stood there as if nothing had happened until his eyes narrowed at Barry and crimson beams were fired. Barry dodged them but there was no sign of Ray stopping or running out of power and if he didn’t do something those beams were gonna hit someone that couldn’t dodge them. He needed to get Ray unstable so he could have the upper hand so started to run round Ray faster. He hoped everyone would get the idea as he said into the comms, “you better find something to hold on to”.

The cyclone created lifted Ray into the air as he finally stopped firing beams and tried to find purchase on the now groundless world. Ray tossed and turned unable to right himself as Barry shouted for Firestorm. Martin and Jax didn’t much like the plan either but they fused and launched themselves into the air just above Ray. Firestorm then threw a ball of fire at the confused man, the intention was to knock him out, have him crash land then at least he would be unconscious. Fighting a team mate especially Ray was not something they really wanted to do but they tried not to hold back as the blast landed.

The cyclone dissipated and everyone looked up at the sky expecting to see the falling form of Ray. Instead Ray was just floating there, his clothes were burnt but the man himself looked uninjured. What he did look was pissed and about ready to return the favour by blasting Firestorm. In the split second before the beam hit a portal formed and Cisco grabbed the confused man pulling him to safety. Back on the ground Stein and Jax separated blinking up at the angry figure in the sky.

“Ok that didn’t work and I hate to say it but apparently along with super strength and eye lasers Ray can fly now!!” Jax said both in awe and panicked.

“This isn’t working Barry, were just making him angry” Sara said very aware that they had no plan at all for this unfolding situation.

“I am not your experiment, just let me be outside, if you keep it up then I promise I will beat these tests, I’m not going back to that room” Ray shouted at them and they noted how agitated he was and confused.

“He’s stuck half in his memories, we have to snap him out of it, get him to realise this isn’t the past anymore and that were not part of his parents experiment” Caitlin said but her voice was a little more cold and matter of fact, signalling that Killer Frost was more in control at the moment.

“Ray buddy, it’s Nate. Come on man snap out of it, this isn’t you. Let’s just relax, watch a film argue about Raiders vs Star Wars. Come on I’m your friend, please Ray” Nate pleaded looking at the man now floating in the sky.

“Ray, I know it’s confusing and your hurting but were a team, were your friends, please just let’s talk ok” Came Amaya’s calm and confident voice and Ray looked a little less freaked.

“Haircut! I burnt it, I burnt it all down. That place is gone” Micks voice was heavy with anger and threat, “Yeah and when I find your parents I’m gonna do the same thing!” he added not hiding the hate and vengeance in his voice.

For a moment everyone looked at him like he was out of his mind and truthfully at the moment he was. He saw the looks by team flash that said “you’re not helping” but he didn’t care, none of them understood what the pain of childhood trauma can do to you or the anger and destruction that can live within you, not like he did. He ignored them and looked at Ray.

“It’s gone, I don’t have to go back?” Ray asked and he started to lower coming closer to the ground. 

“My parents why? Why are they doing this?” Ray asked voice laced with confusion.

“I don’t know Haircut but they can’t anymore” Mick answered and he could see some of his Ray return and the recognition return to Rays eyes.

“What am I?” Ray asked but no one could give him an answer, even Mick didn’t know what to say to that and as such Ray started to get agitated again, “WHAT AM I?” he shouted and then Team Flash sprang into action.

While the legends had been trying to talk Ray down Barry had run in the opposite direction to get as much force behind him as possible to try for an infinite ass punch. Now at great speed he propelled himself off the roof of the wave rider and hit Ray with all the force he could. Ray came crashing to the ground, the force cracked the earth beneath him as he was severely winded and coughed hard trying to catch his breath. Ray started to get to his hands and knees but Cisco and Caitlin were either side arms stretched at him. Cisco used the force of his Vibes to keep Ray still pushing him into the ground so he couldn’t move as Killer Frost went about freezing him.

It was working Ray couldn’t move as ice slowly crept over his body and he slowly raised his hand to his head. All the pain of the memories was finally getting to Ray he could feel the sting and burn of the headache. He’d lost, he hadn’t escaped, he wasn’t any stronger and he was alone. It was then he felt the burst of heat above him and the pressure and ice stopped.

“What do you think you’re doing?” came the very dangerous tone of Mick.

“He was listening to us, he was going to come back to us” Sara shouted.

“We couldn’t risk it, he’s our friend too but he was a danger to everybody” Barry explained.

“Rays never been a danger to anybody, he’s the last person to ever hurt one of us” came Amaya’s angry voice.

“He wasn’t in control, that wasn’t your Ray that wasn’t our friend” Cisco added but he sounded guilty.

“Stop saying he’s your friend too, he may be your friend but he’s our family and you’re hurting him” Nate replied looking angry.

“We had to make a decision, it was for his own good too” Came the cold voice of Killer Frost.

“Not like this, he’s been through enough I don’t want to hurt Doctor Palmer again” came Martins guilty voice.

“I’m with Grey, it was a mistake to try and take him down like that! Ray always talks first then takes action, we owe him the same” Jax said standing with the rest of the Legends along with Martin.

“Guys this is not the time or place, we had to think of what would happen if Ray got into the city, the bigger picture” Barry said trying to calm his friends down.

“Well we were never very good at the bigger picture, probably what lands us in so much trouble. What we are good at is having each other’s backs” Mick said coming to stand in front of Ray and raising his heat gun.

“If any of you even try and touch him I will burn you to a crisp, if you don’t believe me Barry here will tell you the kind of mood I’m in right now” Mick said with a sneer and looking every bit the villain of old.

“Mick” came the soft voice from behind him and Mick could feel a hand grab at the fabric of his trouser leg. He turned and nearly felt his heart break all over again to see the pained and confused look on Ray’s face. Ray was still pale but also a little bruised, the injuries sustained from the punch and fall were beginning to heal and Ray was trying to break off the ice that clung to his lower torso with his free hand.

“Relax Haircut I got you” Mick said and knelt by the man and turned the heat gun onto a low heat. Soon Mick was melting the ice off of Ray and Ray was trying to get control of his breathing. 

“Mick did I hurt anyone?” Ray asked voice full of guilt.

“Doesn’t matter they would have deserved it” Mick replied re holstering the gun.

“Not what I asked Mick did I…” Ray couldn’t finish his question as he was suddenly pulled into a crushing hug.

“No Ray, you didn’t hurt anyone and no one is going to hurt you” Mick said promising himself that he was gonna make sure that stayed his absolute truth. Ray finally crumbled into Mick and started to cry as Mick just held him firmly. 

“Barry you said you needed to decrypt the data you found, I think you and your team need to get to work. We have family business to attend to” Sara said, it wasn’t like she didn’t understand Barry’s call, or maybe she would have made it as a team leader but at the moment she couldn’t look at him and was pretty sure her team felt the same way. 

“Ok guys think we need to give these two some space” Sara said before walking towards the Waverider, “You want us to have anything ready for you?” Sara asked as she walked off.

“Beer” Mick grunted still holding the sobbing man and showing no signs of letting go. “You got it” Sara replied and the rest of the team followed her.

“I think I’ll take one of those beers too” Ray said trying to calm himself.

“Yeah pretty sure Blondie has our backs, gonna be plenty to go round” Mick replied and Ray started to still in his arms.

“Sorry Mick, this isn’t exactly an attractive side of me” Ray said in an emotionally cracked voice.

“Don’t mind, good to let it out, just cause I can’t do it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t probably the more heathy option” Mick said. “You do what you must, talk, don’t talk up to you”.

“I just kinda wish I could forget again, I don’t know if I’m strong enough to deal with all this information” Ray added finally pulling back and trying to dry his face.

“Ha if anyone can handle this it’s you, plus there’s gonna be beer that always helps me forget” Mick added and started to help Ray get to his feet.

“Not sure beer is the healthy option here but does sound like a good one” Ray said still a little shaky. “Though at the moment nothing about me feels healthy and I welcome the distraction”

Mick grunted in response and put his arm around Ray to support the shaken man. Truthfully Mick wanted the distraction too, the things he had seen and read were still plaguing him. Having Ray lean against him warm and comfortable though was a good feeling, a rare feeling of just them outside of all the crazy of resent times.

“Healthy is overrated” Mick said as he gently pulled Ray around to face him not wanting to spook the man. Now with one arm around Ray’s waist to support him he combed the other through Ray’s hair and pulled him in for a long overdue kiss. It wasn’t more than a soft touching of lips but Mick was aware that Ray was still in shock but the other man kissed Mick back gentle, Rays hand rested on Micks chest and they pulled apart.

“That a good enough distraction for you” Mick asked with a smirk and Ray blushed.

“Still not looking my best at the moment, how about we try that again when I don’t have puffy eyes and wet cheeks” Ray said with a small smile.

“Sounds like a plan” Mick replied before continuing to help Ray stumble into the Waverider. 

Once inside Mick took Ray to his room figuring it would be good for him to be in his own space to try and realign himself. He noticed with a smirk the chilled six pack of beer sitting outside Ray’s door and made a note to thank Sara later. Once inside Ray and Mick sat side by side in silence on the bed each sipping at a beer. It was a comfortable silence though each didn’t know where to begin to start with what they had learned today. But this wasn’t the time for that, this was their moment to just be them.

“This is a terrible fist date” Ray said sounding sleepy.

“I don’t know, I got my beer and you got me into your bed on the first try” Mick said his arm slung comfortable over Rays shoulder.

“If you need to sleep Haircut sleep, I’m not going anywhere” Mick said looking at the tired man next to him.

“Even worse first date, one beer and I fall asleep” Ray said but he looked drawn and worried.

“I don’t want to sleep, I don’t think I can handle anymore nightmares, any more memories.

“I know what that’s like and I said no one is gonna hurt you” Mick said looking at his beer bottle and then drained the last drops. Ray smiled a little then in appreciation and Mick put his empty bottle down and took Ray’s half-filled one. Ray was fighting it but soon the man was lightly breathing as he drifted off to sleep on Micks shoulder. Mick was gonna watch over him if there was the slightest hint that Ray was in distress in his sleep Mick would wake him. For now he was content to let the man relax against him, he felt good knowing Ray trusted him to be this relaxed. Mick smile to himself, he’d gone and done it, he’d kissed the annoying idiot. Yeah it was a small and gentle kiss but the nerd had kissed back and that was going to give him comfort, that memory was going to keep him strong and fight off the horrors he’d seen today.


	10. Chapter 9

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 9

Mick was unaware how long had passed as he sat in the stillness of Ray’s room and sipped at his 4th beer. He had made a promise to watch over the man but so far Ray’s sleep seemed peaceful and no sign of the horrific nightmares he’d been having. Mick wasn’t going to start believing it must be his reassuring presence that made Ray feel safe and that he had a warm feeling inside him, although that may also be caused by the 5 beers he’d had including finishing off Ray’s earlier. He looked at the sleeping man so glad that he looked relaxed rather than agitated or disorientated, that just wasn’t Ray. He now got the chance to really appreciate how handsome he was and just what an innocent face he had, how could anyone who looked like that have ever gone through what he did. 

Mick really didn’t want Ray to find out any more about those experiments, it would change him, it would almost defile him and maybe for selfish reasons Mick didn’t want Ray to be changed. Mick wanted Ray to be the optimistic, naive fool that was kind and supportive, ready to give and didn’t carry the weight of a tragic past. Ray was everything Mick wasn’t and he wanted to save Ray from the pains he felt and the darkness he carried with him. Mick was sure if they located Ray’s parents they would have to restrain him because the murderous contempt he had for those people was not going away any time soon. No Mick wanted to kill them, not just because of what they did to Ray but because of what they did to a child full stop.

Simply put Ray was the most pure and beautiful thing Mick had ever found and wanted, the scary part was that this man wanted him back and saw something special in him. There was no way Mick was letting that go and no way was he going to let anyone ruin this. Mick was still a little nervous of the fact they had kissed, but it had been soft and chase, more like a promise that they would actually move on to working out what was going on between them. Mick never really dated and Ray did nothing but fall madly in love and get engaged. There was a hell of a lot of in between to both discover and learn. He wanted to be something important for Ray but he also most definitely wanted in the other man’s pants.

Mick felt a little bad about how important the physical side was but he wanted to be connected to Ray and he wanted to make sure everyone new that Ray was his. He didn’t want to possess the man, he knew Ray wasn’t a prize or a jewel, he’d seen a glimpse of that in Eobard’s eyes. No Mick wanted to make Ray feel good, wanted Ray to crave him and to make sure no one got any ideas on who Ray was with, no doubt to how the word “partners” would be taken. He was pretty sure Ray would be able to walk him through all the emotional stuff and do enough couples behaviour for the both of them so he’d just have to learn. Mick shook his head, was he seriously sitting about thinking how to be a good boyfriend. Mick didn’t think he’d ever been a ‘boyfriend’ let alone a good one, well that was just the strange effect that this nerdy scientist had on him.

He was distracted from his thoughts by the knock on the door as he said a quiet ‘come in’ so as not to wake Ray. Sara entered the room and to Micks relief wasn’t wearing an ‘about time’ face, she simple smiled at the sight before her.

“He looks peaceful” Sara said looking at Rays sleeping form and Mick just nodded.

Ray by now was pretty much in Mick’s lap, his head and shoulders were on Mick and his hands rested there too, with one lightly holding the material of Micks jeans. He’d pulled his knees up so he wasn’t as long as he lay there and Mick had a protective arm over him as he sat there and let the man sleep on him. 

“He’s doing good Blondie, no sign of those nightmares” Mick said to reassure her knowing that she was concerned for her friend.

“Thanks Mick” She said and then smiled at him her expression starting to grow a little more knowing.

“Don’t start” he said knowing what she was gonna say as she smiled at him innocently,

“Oh nothing, you both look very comfortable and content, take it things are going well” Sara said with a smirk.

“Wouldn’t you like to know” Mick replied, he knew it was coming so might as well have some fun with it, “Not one to kiss and tell so your just gonna have to ask the overgrown nerd here when he wakes up” Mick replied looking a little smug and seeing Sara smile at him with fondness.

Soon though her expression changed and she stilled herself. Mick knew it was too good and that this peaceful little bubble of him and Ray would have to be burst. At least Sara looked guilty for having to be the one to burst it.

“I think we need to wake Ray up, Barry has information he wants to share with us and well we’ve been reading the files that you guys scanned in” Sara’s voice getting colder and more unnerved as she spoke.

“Mick are you ok?” She then asked and he was totally thrown by the question.

“Why wouldn’t I be ok, not me those files are talking about” He replied but felt the pain and anger burning inside killing whatever relaxed mood the beer had created for him.

“I know but the things I read, I am so ready to use everything the league taught me and go after those people” Sara started and Mick could see her clenching her fist, “ Whatever sense of justice we have as Legends I am willing to walk away from, most of the team is the same but would rather see Ray’s parents exposed for this and pay for their crimes but me well, Mick you understand” She finished and looked at him clearly hurting but also holding that look of an assassin whose got their next target in site and is trying to think of a reason why they haven’t gone after them.

“Yeah I get it, I mean I did just burn down their house” Mick replied, “I find them I’m warning you now if you don’t want me to kill them then you had better stop me cause I won’t hold back. No one is gonna give me a speech about vengeance accomplishing nothing cause those people are gonna burn in hell” Mick finished and he knew he sounded dark and villainous but he wasn’t going to keep the truth from Sara.

“As your Captain I am going to say that we don’t carry out revenge, as your friend I understand how you feel” Sara said and then continued her original conversation, 

“We should go see what Barry has to say, I think we’ve all calmed down from earlier, so no trying to punch him. I’m not saying I am happy with how he dealt with the situation but his priorities are different from ours and we have to try and respect that.” She finished and Mick grunted out a “no promises”.

“Sara...” Mick said and then faltered a bit not sure of what to say, still raw with emotion but also the new feelings that Ray had instilled in him filling his head.

“Do we have to wake Ray, does he have to know. You read those files, what I read, how is knowing gonna help him” Mick asked and for the first time feeling small and unsure. Sara looked at him with pity then and Mick wasn’t comfortable with the look but understood where it was coming from,

“Mick it’s not up to me, hell it’s not even up to us. If Ray wants to read them it’s his choice and you have just got to be there for him. I can’t even begin to imagine how it will affect him or how you must be feeling. If I found out the person I loved had been tortured I am not sure how I’d react” Sara said looking miserable.

“Hey who said anything about love, think you’re getting ahead of yourself blondie” Mick said trying to lighten the mood and not freak out by the word. He’d barely had time to process he was attracted to Ray and that he cared about him in a more than friend way, love was definitely not something he wanted thrown into the ring, that would make things even more complicated.

“Don’t change the subject Mick, Ray has the right to know and then the decision is his but for now if we can get answers maybe we can concentrate on Ray has powers now mystery.” She said glad to have another thing to focus on and Mick suddenly realised he’d spent so much time worried about Rays past and how that was going to affect him he hadn’t thought about what these new powers meant for Ray moving forward.

“Shit, this idiot is gonna give me nothing but headaches” Mick said,

“Yeah well he’s your idiot now Mick” Sara said with teasing and he gave her a glare.

“I don’t know about you but those powers seemed very familiar, I don’t want to say it but did they remind you of someone” Sara asked and she could see Mick thinking and the realisation dawning on him,

“Skirt!” He said and looked at Ray with shock.

“No proof right now but if anyone will know it’s Barry, after all she’s his friend” Sara said and then Gideon chimed in over the comms to say that everyone was ready and waiting.

“That’s our cue Mick, I know you want to protect him but he does have a right to know. So meet you with the others in a few ok” Sara finished and then left the room so Mick could wake the sleeping man. He cursed and then gentle shook the man curled up against him.

“Haircut, Hey time to wake up” He said in the volume he and Sara had been talking in, he really didn’t want to wake the man or go see Team Flash or even let Ray know what they found but Sara was right. It wasn’t Micks choice and he didn’t want to start this relationship or however they were gonna define it by keeping things from Ray, no Ray had a right to know it was his choice to make. Mick rocked Ray a little more vigorously and he started to stir.

“Come on, time to get up Haircut beauty sleep is over” Mick said and looked into the blinking eyes as Ray turned onto his back and looked up at him.

“Hey buddy” Came the light voice, still coated in sleep but with a little of Ray’s usual cheer in it. Mick just raised an eyebrow at him and looked disapproving. Ray stretched out long limbs taking over all the available space and Mick took in the view with appreciation, this was neither the time or place for them to get distracted but that didn’t mean he wasn’t gonna look. Ray was a gentleman but Mick he had no problem admitting that he had no such characteristics and he was damn well gonna admire the way Rays top rode up his stomach as he stretched or the view of his elongated neck. 

Ray showed no sign of wanting to get up and Mick was beginning to feel a little distracted.

“Come one Haircut the others are waiting for us, nerd flash has info or answers, I don’t know but we gotta go see” Mick said looking straight ahead and trying not to catch Ray’s attention.

“Don’t want to” Ray said and it took all of Mick’s will power not to look the man in the face and gawk, that tone had been not only defiant but damn suggestive.

“Ray, don’t tempt me but….” Mick started but was distracted by Ray sliding a hand under his shirt. Mick looked down then and wanted to curse as Ray was looking at him with pure innocence, who’d have thought that such a boy scout could behave like this. Mick put his hand over Rays and stopped him from the gentle exploration trying to look stern and Ray started to look a little more worried.

“I’m scared Mick, I’m not sure I want to hear what they have to say” Ray admitted and then looked a little guilty as he removed his hand and started to sit up.

“Believe me Haircut I’d rather stay here and distract you from all this shit, I don’t give a crap about what Team Flash has to say so the call is yours but do you really want to not know?” Mick asked half hating that he had to be the bigger man and just wanting to pin the other man down and make him forget everything.

“I need to know, there’s too many questions I don’t have answers for and I’m not gonna move on if I don’t face them” Ray said with a sad smile and got up resolve etched in his features.

Mick followed suit and soon the two men were arriving to where the rest of the Legends were waiting. Each legends had their own look of concern and sorrow but the team smiled at Ray as he nodded to them signalling he was ready. They walked in silence to Star Labs ready for whatever answers they had.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Barry paced the cortex and it was beginning to drive Cisco mad.

“Dude just stop it ok” He snapped, he didn’t mean to but he was angry too. Everyone had read some of the files, everyone knew more about Ray’s childhood and while he was only able to read a small part others like Caitlin had made herself red as much as possible to make sure there was no medical information she didn’t have.

“They are so going to punch me! I can’t believe we tried to take down Ray. I mean it wasn’t his fault, god what must he be thinking” Barry said feeling guilty.

“Look man, yeah they are a bit pissed at you but Sara herself said they were coming and that it’s time to move past that and concentrate on helping Ray.” Cisco added also feeling the sting of guilt.

This was when the Legends walked in looking sombre and worried, a look that was probably all over team flash’s faces too.

“Ok I think we should all take a seat and well we’ll go from there” Barry said trying to sound confident but not sure how he was going to start a meeting where he had to tell good friends such horrible findings, he could tell from Ray’s confused face and relaxed posture that he was still in the dark about a lot of what had been revealed. 

“Ok so um well” Barry began but couldn’t find the words.

“The files we’ve all been reading are just logs of experiments, they don’t offer any information on the chip or Doctor Palmers powers. Most of the data compiled on them is limited and it looks like any real results are in the digital files Barry took from the Palmer computer. That’s where we will find the answers” Harry said matter of factly and while Cisco berated him for sounding cold and clinical even he wore a look of thank god someone said it and everyone felt better having things laid out factually.

“Ok but I haven’t read these files” Ray said looking a little tenser where he sat on a console with Mick by his side not a millimetre of space between them.

“We wanted to give you the choice” Sara said.

“We didn’t want to pry into your past Doctor Palmer or find out things that you yourself didn’t know but we were hoping to find answers and well ended up reading your files, and um I’m sorry” Martin said looking a mixture of horrified and guilty, a look Ray was realising everyone was sharing.

“Ok I’m gonna go with that whatever is detailed in those files is about me, it’s about me before I was 10 and it’s not pleasant. I am willing to bet that these nightmares aren’t nightmares and there’s probably very good reason why I’ve repressed my memories” Ray said hoping that by sounding strong and logical everyone would stop looking at him like that.

“We unfortunately don’t know any more about the purpose of the chip but still think that the theory it is blocking your memories stands firm” Harry said and Ray was glad someone could hold a logical conversation with him.

“Ok so there’s a high chance that whatever experiments my parents did to me as a kid they didn’t want me to remember so they made a chip to hide those memories, obviously when it was damaged those memories started to come back. Since it’s not completely broken it’s still trying to repress the memories and the side effect of that is the stinging sensation and the pain” Ray said as he walked over to Harry to look at the data he’d been working on.

“That is what I hypothesized as well Mr Palmer” Harry said with apparent respect and looking impressed by the fellow scientist.

“Ray, just call me Ray” Ray said as he looked at Harry’s research and the other man nodded.

“So basically you called us over here with nothing new” Mick said in a gruff annoyed voice.

“Not exactly it’s just you’re not gonna like the next part” Cisco said and immediately regretted it as he found himself on the receiving end of Mick’s death glare.

“I’ve seen and heard plenty I don’t like already” Mick growled out intimately.

“Ok so here’s the thing, the data is encrypted” Cisco started saying and trying not to look too freaked under Mick’s gaze. Ray had stopped looking at Harry’s screen and now came to look over Cisco’s. The two team flash members scooted back a bit from there station to let Ray look between the screens.

“Even with your skills Cisco looks like you can’t decrypt these files” Ray said.

“Yeah me and Harry have tried but we’re getting nowhere. Sorry we wanted more answers for you” Cisco said sounding disappointed in himself.

“Hey there are always problems that take a particular skill set and it looks like you need the best hacker we know” Ray had cheerfully still trying to keep the mood light and not have everyone looking so despondent.

“That’s what I thought to, so one Felicity Smoak is on her way and will be here any moment” Barry said with a smile. Ray smiled too, if anyone could break the data lock on these files it would be her, but it did mean someone else was going to find out about his childhood and again pitying eyes would fall upon him. Ray was still trying to be the one that kept everyone happy so he said he was looking forward to seeing Felicity and couldn’t wait for them to work together.

Ray made his way back to where Mick was, it was almost an unconscious decision he was seeking some kind of support or stability and just found himself sitting back next to the man as the others discussed Felicity’s arrival and that finding answers wasn’t going to be much longer.

“You don’t have to keep playing the martyr Haircut, no one is gonna mind if you get mad or let that smile slip” Mick said beside him.

“I have to Mick, it’s me after all. If I don’t stay positive then everyone else will worry” Ray replied quietly.

“Don’t give a crap about everyone else, not your job to make sure everyone is happy.” Mick continued.

“I know Mick and I want to find some tangible answers too but I can’t do that with everyone looking at me like that” Ray said.

“Let em look, I will meet every one of their gazes!” Mick said and Ray smiled at his protectiveness. “You don’t have to be so happy about any of this, don’t have to act like this chick coming is gonna be the answer to their prayers!” Mick continued.

“No but Felicity is the one person who for sure can get into this data and actually I will be really happy to see her, she’s a good friend” Ray said and a genuine smile spread on his face. This caused a twist in Mick and he automatically knew that this felicity was Ray’s ex, damn now he was gonna have to deal with jealousy.

“So she’s an old girlfriend, no wonder your happy to see her” Mick said a little bit of bitterness crept into his voice.

“It’s not like that, yeah we dated but she was in love with someone else. We had something so I thought but I was a stop gap while she waited for Oliver to realise just how much she loved him. We’re just friends now!” Ray said and Mick noted the pattern, it was like with Kendra. Why did these women always choose some damaged bad boy with bagged for days over Ray. Ray was nothing but sweet and loving yet it seems both his previous lovers just used him to help move on and when their first choices came back it was Ray left with a broken heart and a smile saying, I understand. Mick didn’t like this women already, she may be some fancy hacker but he was gonna make sure she knew that Ray was his number one choice and appreciated. Mick then reprimanded himself for thinking like a teenage girl.

“Yeah well if she gets any funny ideas I’m telling her you’re taken” Mick said trying not to sound jealous.

“Mick are you jealous” Ray said a little teasingly.

“Shut up Haircut!” came Micks annoyed reply.

“So I’m taken am I, does that mean we can do double dates with Nate and Amaya” Ray said continuing to tease.

“Just cause I wanna bang you doesn’t mean were dating now” Mick replied trying not to get riled up by Ray’s teasing and that innocent look.

“Oh so that’s what you wanted. I don’t know Mick that was a pretty tender kiss you gave me” Ray sad clearly enjoying himself far too much.

Everyone was far too distracted by whatever Barry was talking about to really notice the conversation they were having but Mick sensed eagle eyes on him and saw that Amaya was staring at them looking a little smug. Oh she so knew they were talking about their new relationship she had a knowing look and an ‘I’m happy for you’ smile. Mick was getting half frustrated by Ray being a romantic nerd and half turned on by Ray being a teasing genius.

“Haircut don’t care how this thing is gonna get labelled but it doesn’t mean I won’t still shave your head if you don’t stop with the emotional fluff” Mick grumbled and got a thankful look from Ray, he realised that with everyone talking about him as if he wasn’t there Ray had needed a distraction a moment to pretend everything was normal before jumping back into the reality.

“So Ray what do you think?” Barry said and Ray just blinked in confusion, he and Mick had payed no attention to the conversation in the room.

“Sorry guys I zoned out, just trying to gather myself but I’m ready hit me with it” Ray said preparing himself for this next piece of information. The Legends just looked at him knowingly, like they’d realised he and Mick had left the conversation for their own little moment and were happy to let them have it. Team Flash were a little more confused by how he’d missed an entire conversation, Cisco was literally staring at him in complete bafflement as to how he had missed what had been said. This made Ray nervous, whatever they had been discussing was clearly bigger news and something that Cisco found earth shattering.

Caitlin looked a little more knowing and she smiled at him before talking.

“Ok so after the hypnotherapy you well….” She started and Ray helped her out,

“Lost it a little, went berserk and wait was I flying, WAIT!! Was I flying without my suit?” Ray said suddenly fully back in the conversation and the memory coming clear as day. He’d finally snapped out of the little bubble he and Mick were in and stood up strait.

“Ok I was flying, and well Caitlin are you a meta cause I’m pretty sure the only cold gun made Mick gave to me and I’m still trying to fix that, but wait you’re a meta, with ice powers and Cisco is a meta and well wow you guys are powerful but I was flying and shooting laser beams, Nope that can’t be right cause we all know someone who can do that and while she looks a bit like my cousin we are definitely not related and I was FLYING!!!” Ray said barely breathing at all as the information rushed out of him his voice getting louder ad there was a mix of amazement and excitement but also confusion and disbelief. He felt Mick put a hand on his shoulder and tried to still himself but he just couldn’t fathom what he was piecing together.

“Ray calm down and listen ok” Sara said and Ray took a breath.

“Sorry Caitlin, continue” He replied trying to keep the excitement and pure confusion in check.

“Ok yes to all those, I’m a meta kinda like having another side of me that’s a bit frosty who goes by Killer Frost, Cisco goes by Vibe and can cause breaches between worlds” She said and Ray looked impressed and filled with questions but had to try and hold back.

“In fact it’s how we can travel to Earth 38 if we need to talk to Kara and one of the things we were going to ask is if we should do that in case well there’s a definite possibility your Kryptonian” Caitlin said looking relieved as did everyone else that someone finally said it. 

“We don’t know how or why and hopefully once this data is cracked we can find out but you do have the same powers as her and it’s just too much of a coincidence” Barry said.

“Gideon has something to add” Harry said suddenly and then explained, “I’ve patched the one on your ship through to the one here”.

“Hello everyone, I have finished analysing the blood sample Mr Rory stole from the Palmers house” Gideon announced and Ray looked at Mick.

“You stole from my house” Ray said and Mick just shrugged.

“They deserved it and thought it might help” Mick said but knew Ray wasn’t really upset by the news.

“Yes Mr Rory managed to procure a vial of your blood from when you were a child, some rare surgical items and a very nice specimen of a rare material I have identified as kryptonite, the same material appears to have been used to enhanced the surgical tools as well” Gideon finished and everyone just looked stunned.

“And Gideon, the blood sample” Martin said a little frustrated, “neither I nor Miss Snow could identify it so we had Gideon run an analysis”.

“Oh yes, I believe that the blood is indeed from a Kryptonian child but would very much like a second opinion if we are able to get one from your friend Miss Danvers or Zor-el, however she prefers to go by” Gideon finished.

Ray just stood there looking shocked, no one else could really think of anything to say. Everyone was in a state of shock going through the thought process of Ray not being human to Ray being Kryptonian. Everyone was torn between wonder and amazement to shock and confusion and disbelief.

“Does that mean we have to call you SuperAtom now?” Nate said out loud and everyone just glared at him while he looked apologetic at his attempt to break the atmosphere.  
Ray just looked at his hands, they held such strength he could feel it. He remembered the sensation of just floating in the air and of blasting beams with his eyes, what else did this mean he could do. Still no one knew what to say and no one wanted to be the first to talk as they just kind of stood around dazed looking at each other.

“So what did I miss?” came the cheerful voice that announced the presence of Felicity Smoak and hopefully maybe some more answers.


	11. Chapter 10

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 10

Felicity was a little shell shocked with the information she had been told just not sure she could believe it. She remembered Ray making a comment about Kara looking like his cousin but what were the chances that on this Earth he was in fact somehow Kryptonian too, it made her head spin. She had first walked in to see a sea of faces all looking confused, shocked and pretty much how she must look now and had wondered what kind of bombshell could possible phase the likes of Team Flash and the Legends. These guys had seen and done things she would have found it very hard to believe if she herself hadn’t seen some of it and been a part of Team Arrow. 

She’d immediately broken the tension by greeting everyone with hugs and smiles happy to see everyone. Felicity went to great Ray who was looking so lost it hurt to see him like that but she was also very aware that Mick, who was standing very close to him, was glaring at her in a way that made her reluctant to hug Ray. Ray lifted his head and she was met with sad eyes and Ray saying that maybe she needs to be filled in first as he was worried about hurting her. So felicity had backed off a little not really understanding what he meant and was convinced that Mick really didn’t like her.

Now it made a little more sense, if Ray really was Kryptonian and judging by the broken window, half destroyed workbench that was lying in the cortex and a glance at Micks splinted fingers she’d worked out that Ray hadn’t really got control of his powers. The rest of the info then came as a disturbing blur of information and Felicity was sure she was getting paler and tears threatened to fall from her eyes. If what they were saying was true then she wanted nothing more than to hug Ray and hold her friend close.

Felicity was talked through the events that led up to now, Sara, Caitlin and Martin doing most of the talking with Ray adding his own experiences. It sounded horrible not only being hit by the temporal bolt but the nightmares or memories he’d been having and the headaches plus Ray was clearly ashamed of losing control and potentially causing a lot of damage. Felicity knew Ray as one of the sweetest and most caring people she’d ever met, he wouldn’t ever hurt anyone and always put others first so probably wasn’t dealing well with the fact that he could have seriously hurt someone.

Then came the information on the chip which Harry and Caitlin explained and that’s when things got bad, that was when she felt the burn of tears and the dread in her chest.

“Are you saying that Ray’s parents implanted a chip to suppress his powers and his memories?” Felicity asked.

“It’s looking very much like that Miss Smoak and it seems they may have experimented on him too” Martin explained but not sounding like he wanted to talk about it much.

“I think we’re past may have, me and Mick went to the palmer house, this is where we got the computer data and why we need you to help us get into it” Barry said and nervously glancing at Mick who was radiating hate.

Ray had gone pale and quiet something Felicity never thought she would see from the man, he looked a little defeated and young, like a frightened child trying not to let anyone know he was scared.

“Ray do you remember any of this” She asked trying to bring him back into the conversation hating that they were all discussing him like he wasn’t there.

“Haircut doesn’t need to remember, I saw the shit that went on at his house and I don’t care if you think it helps but those kind of memories never bring anything good.” Mick said aggressively and he glared at her.

Felicity didn’t particularly like the threatening look, she had every right to want to help her friend so in a challenging tone said,

“I was talking to Ray” she tried not to back down as Micks eyes narrowed, “Ray I can’t begin to understand what you’re going through but I will do everything to get you answers and we will get through this.”

Ray looked at her smiling weakly and nodded before saying, “Thanks Felicity, if anyone can crack this data file it’s you, I need answers on this chip so I can stop blacking out and hurting the people I care about but I don’t think any of us are going to like what you find” 

He was sounding a little surer now and focused as Felicity took a step closer and put her hand on his forearm reassuringly. She gave him a warm smile and a squeeze.

“I’ll get to work Ray, I am here for you ok”. She said warmly trying to swallow the concern in her voice and what this data was going to reveal.

Trying to ignore that angry scowl she could tell Mick was giving her she went over to the workstation Cisco was at and took the offered seat to get to work. She had no idea why Mick hated her so much but she surmised that while some thought Ray getting his memories back would help him. Mick was very much in the court of memories that traumatic should be left well alone. Maybe Mick had a point he was pretty much the expert on childhood trauma leading to poor choices but then he was also now a Legend, a hero and clearly protective of Ray so didn’t that mean he had put his past behind him and therefore dealt with it.

She didn’t really dwell too much on that as she had a job to do and everyone was looking at her expectantly. Cisco had shown where he’d got to with his hacking so she got ready to tackle the insane amount of security this data had. Whatever the Palmers had had on their computer it was more guarded than most government files. In fact it became apparent that they had somehow created technology a lot more advanced than even ARGUS have to keep this data safe.

“Guys I know you all want answers but staring at me is kinda off putting plus this is gonna be a long job as some of this security is well, out of this world” Realising the pun she looked up to make sure Ray hadn’t been offended but was glad to see the smirk that showed he’d appreciated the joke. The mood had lightened a bit and she was glad to hear the take charge voice of Sara,

“Ok guys you heard the lady, let’s all just take some down time and wait for news. Jax are all the repairs done or could you use a hand with anything?”

“Could do with running a few system checks if anyone is up for it” Jax replied and immediately Nate and Amaya volunteered. Martin said he wanted to look over the medical tools and green rock Mick had found with Gideon so he also headed towards the Waverider. Sara waited for Ray to make his decision on what to do, she was feeling protective and getting a little annoyed at Team Flash looking at him like a zoo exhibition. Sara liked those guys she really did but the Legends were her family and it was her job to protect them. She caught Barry’s eye and gave him a very, well what are you going to do now look. Luckily Barry got the hint and announced that they should take this time to fix some of the damage done to Star Labs.

This seemed to snap Team Flash from their wonderings as they all agreed to get to work fixing the lab, med bay and cortex. Ray immediately looked guilty asking if he could help. Barry didn’t know what to say and an awkwardness hung in the air.

“Haircut don’t know about you but I need a drink!” Mick announced,

“Mick I’m not sure if I should drink I mean what if it affects my memory, or brain chemistry or I accidently use too much strength or…” Ray stared to ramble a bit panicked.

“Don’t care if you drink or not but blondie has a hidden bottle of vodka with my name on it” Mick said and it was Felicity’s turn to look up and glare at him. Felicity couldn’t believe it, with everything Ray was going through Mick wanted to go get drunk and Ray was right, who knew what drinking would do to him.

“Thanks Mick just let everyone know about my secrets but I think a drink sounds good!” Sara added and Felicity looked at her a gasped, was this how the Legends dealt with problems.

“Mick I don’t know I think I should help tidy up my mess or help Felicity with the decryption” Ray began and Mick didn’t look pleased with this idea.

“Haircut, if you ever needed a drink now is the time. I don’t care about your strength already told you that getting hurt isn’t something I’m ever gonna worry about but if you want me and Blondie can throw rocks at you or something and you can practice smashing them, use your eye thing to just punch em whatever takes your fancy” Mick said turning to leave the cortex.

To Felicity’s surprise Ray cracked a smile and went to follow saying,

“Sorry Sara looks like we will owe you”

“No problem Ray, Micks right we deserve a drink and I haven’t trained in a while, you may have super strength but not much use if you can’t stop my awesome league skills” Sara said with a smirk and the three of them left the cortex.

Felicity realised just how much of a different dynamic Ray had with the Legends then he had with Team Arrow, here he wasn’t just the Atom or their go to tech guy he was also the guy that they could go for a drink with, laugh with and have fun with. She realised that this was Sara and Micks way of distracting Ray but also acknowledging his new powered state. It made sense, they were the two people with the darkest past, with demons and trauma and they wanted Ray to feel supported. 

Felicity felt a little jealous, once upon a time she and Ray had been something but now they were friends she wanted to help him and cheer him up but she couldn’t provide what he needed now. Ray needed a distraction and something more light hearted, Felicity couldn’t offer that, Ray probably didn’t want to hear about her and Oliver or sit with her now trying to crack into files stolen from his parents that probably held horrific information. Re-focusing on the job at hand she went back to concentrating and making sure she deciphered the data that was going to probably change Ray’s life in ways none of them could imagine.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Sara, Ray and Mick went and sat in the mess, Sara had found her vodka again and was pouring them all a glass trying to think of something to say.

“I’m still not sure that this is the best idea, who knows what will happen if I drink” Ray said eyeing his glass looking very much like he wanted to take a drink.

“Just drink it Haircut!” Mick said taking a swig from his own glass and looking satisfied.

“Never let it be said that Mick is a bad influence on you Ray or happy to take you down inappropriate paths” Sara replied happy that finally the silence was broken.

“I think I’ve been a good influence on you Mick and so far the worst thing we’ve done is steal jelly beans” Ray answered smiling at the memory.

“Wasn’t bad for your first time and Blondie I have done nothing inappropriate to Haircut!” Mick said and immediately regretted his wording as Sara looked at him with mischief in her eye.

“Oh really, well I’m sure your working on changing that, though shame on you making Ray steal sweets, didn’t take you long to try and compromise his integrity” Sara said with glee and Mick wanted to very much change the direction of the topic.

“I was more than happy to steal the sweets, was good to test out my naughty side, Mick didn’t need to try too hard to convince me to do it” Ray said innocently having not quite cottoned on to the innuendo’s Sara was outlining. She put it down to the fact that Ray was probably still whirling with all the information being thrown at him and not totally concentrating on their conversation. Sara thought this was a great time to see how much she could get away with.

“Ray if you ever feel like Mick is putting you in a compromising position you can come to me ok, don’t let him bully you into doing anything you’re not ready for” Sara said and tried to hide her smirk as Mick glared at her.

“Thanks Sara but I trust Mick, he won’t ask me to do anything he knows I’m not good with and we’ve managed to avoid anything that I would call compromising” Ray replied looking fondly at Mick and the man was trying his best not to blush and pretend he was angry at his glass.

“I’m sure he’s a perfect gentleman” Sara said trying but failing to hide a giggle at Mick’s mock anger and red face while Ray was smiling at him sweetly.

Ray looked confused for a moment and then added, “Well I wouldn’t say a gentleman but I knew that when we became partners plus you’re not nearly as gruff as you pretend to be Mick”.

“So it’s safe to say you prefer Mick as the rough and ready guy he is?” Sara said trying not to giggle and Mick shot her a ‘please stop’ look.

“Yep Mick is who he is and I wouldn’t have him any other way” Ray said and Mick turned to him and for a moment looked genuinely touched before remembering himself and trying to go back to scowling.

“Hear that Mick, Ray likes you when your rough and is happy having you” She said finally giggle.

“You really think you’re clever don’t you Blondie” Mick said and pushed his glass in front of her signalling a refill. 

“I have my moments” Sara said pouring out the vodka and then noticing that Ray was still staring at his full glass.

“Come on Ray it’s not like vodka is the worst thing you could down” Sara said and Ray picked up the glass.

“One really isn’t going to hurt and well if anything happens you guys have got my back right?” Ray said and Sara was a little taken a back.

“Of course Ray, not gonna let anything happen to you, not matter what happens bad or good we are here for you, nothing you could do will scare or upset us” Sara said realising Ray meant more than the effects of the vodka.

“Haircut, when don’t I have your back” Mick said and then feeling brave put his hand on Ray’s arm causing the man to look at him.

“We’re partners nothing is gonna change that, I promise” Mick added and his heart didn’t melt at all at the dopey smile now on Ray’s face.

“Thanks guys, I just needed to hear that” Ray said and then knocked back his glass of vodka.

“Nicely done Ray” Sara said wanting to make sure that Mick knew she was fine with his display of affection and not wanting the man to feel awkward around her. She’d rather have them share moments like this in front of her with her full support than feel like they had to hide what was clearly developing between the two.

Ray smiled putting his glass down and letting out a deep breath like he’d been holding on for far too long.

“I’m just very confused and conflicted, part of me hopes that all this news about my parents isn’t true and the other part of me is so excited to know I have powers. I want to try flying again, I want to know how to control my strength and I want to know even though it scares me what happened to me as a child. But at the same time I don’t want the answers to my past, I want to hide from the truth but I can’t begin to fathom this chip business. I don’t know if I should be trying to find a way to remove it or fix it. I’m lost and I am not used to it” Ray let out in a tumble of words and clearly a little shaken.

“No one said you have to have all the answers Haircut. You get to choose what you want to do and just let me know what you need me to do” Mick replied still holding Rays arm.  
“I may be an alien, like how is that possible?” Ray asked.

“Not like we haven’t met aliens before plus finding that out hasn’t suddenly changed your personality your still a giant nerd” Mick replied.

“I may have the same powers as Kara I mean can you think of the possibilities!” Ray then said,

“Skirt was hot” Mick said, “the powers were a bonus turn on and well now you have that going for you to” Mick said and looked at Sara.

“Mick’s got a point Kara was pretty hot and being Kryptonian defiantly added to the appeal” Sara added.

“So your saying that being a super powered alien makes me more of a turn on, that I suddenly just upped my attractiveness level” Ray said looking at the two of them and a little bit of smugness crept into his features.

“Don’t let it go to your head Haircut!” Mick said suddenly looking at bit unsure if he should have shared that.

“Come on Mick, you fancied Ray before he got powers just admit you think the powers are definitely a bonus” Sara said and she watched Ray blush furiously and look at her in disbelief.

“Ray you weren’t as subtle as you thought and it doesn’t take a genius to tell you two have the hots for each other, I mean the sitting here practically holding hands is a bit of a clue” Sara continued and Ray just gapped a bit before Mick said,

“Yeah well then why don’t you pour us another drink to congratulate us”?

Sara smiled and refilled everyone’s glasses, Ray was blushing and looking at the table and Mick had decided since the cat was out the bag no point hiding it now. He leaned back in his chair and then threw his arm over Rays shoulder looking smug.

“Yeah so for some very stupid reason I got the hots for a giant nerd who likes to throw himself out of airlocks, luckily it turns out he has powers and therefore can fly which is a) a turn on and b) makes me far less nervous about the whole airlock situation” Mick announced and looked pleased that he finally could admit what he was feeling. He was also aware that three vodka’s at Sara’s measures may have been helping him with the new found confidence.

Sara smiled at him before announcing they were out of vodka and it looked like this party would have to continue with fabricated booze. Mick gave a grunt of approval clearly enjoying the feeling of not having to hide his stupid crush on Ray. Ray was still looking sheepish and red when Mick went to ‘cheers’ his glass and the two of them downed the last of their real vodka.

“Mick you know I was flying before I got powers, I mean I literally flew you out a museum and in space on our last mission” Ray said matter of factually.

“Doesn’t count that was the suit now you fly and shoot lasers yourself, much cooler” Mick said accepting another drink from Sara.

“Yeah but with the suit I can shrink and grow as well, being Kryptonian won’t help me with that” Ray offered back.

“Didn’t say the suit wasn’t impressive, just now you do the shrink thing and blast bad guys with eye beams, that’s like four lasers you can fire off all together. Think how much shit you can burn” Mick said appreciatingly and Ray laughed.

It must have been the first time he sounded genuinely happy and both Sara and Mick realised that they had spent so long worrying about his health that they hadn’t heard his usual cheer or seen that wide goofy smile on his face. The three of them quipped back a little more about the Atom suit versus superpowers and what kind of combinations the two would bring about. 

Sara felt a little warmer now and the atmosphere was more relaxed, she noticed the tell tail red on Micks cheek that showed he was a little drunk now. Weirdly though for the amount Ray had drunk he seemed pretty fine, a bit more relaxed but not red in the cheeks. Was it possible that Ray was a better drinker than Mick! The thought didn’t sit well at all but she shrugged it off as she caught the end of the conversation.

“So your plan is to get you and Sara to throw 4 rocks at me and see if I can in fact fire off four lasers” Ray said a little bit of trepidation in his voice.

“Sure why not you got those eye beams and then your hand blasters, it’s got to work” Mick replied.

“And if Ray misses?” Sara asked.

“He won’t miss, I’ve taught him how to aim his weapon better!” Mick said.

“Oh you have, have you” Sara said not being able to help herself and to her shock Ray went bright red.

“Not like that! A gun, Mick has been helping me aim a gun better and that’s been improving my natural aim with my suit lasers! I mean having to not rely on the suit tech to aim is important, sometimes a weapon is only as good as the man holding it!” Ray said fumbling, “Oh god that didn’t come out any better”

Mick for his part just laughed.

“Don’t worry about it Haircut, I know what you mean” Mick said smirking.

“Yeah well maybe let’s stop talking about my weapon” Ray replied, “or yours in fact, from now on no talk of each other weapons”.  
Mick looked a little mock hurt,

“You saying you don’t like my weapon Haircut!” Mick said teasingly.

“Of course not, I do like it. The heatgun that is I like the heatgun. Well you’ve only let me use it a few times you mostly make me train with the cold gun so technically I’ve spent more time with Leonards weapon” Ray said trying to get control of the conversation.

“Oh dear Mick looks like Rays been spending more time with another man’s weapon” Sara said in a fit of giggles.

“Oh god Sara, not like that! Would the two of you stop? Mick we’ve not even been on a proper date but I am sure you have a very nice ‘weapon’” Ray said with air quotes and that set off more giggling. 

“Please you guys I really don’t think I’m drunk enough for this, in fact I am really surprised I’m not drunk at all” Ray said realising that he was in fact sober.

The other two got themselves under control trying to regain composure and also taking in the fact that Ray did indeed seem to be the most sober one in the room.

“I think I can answer that” Gideon’s voice announced causing the three Legends to pay attention. “I decided that it would be prudent to keep monitoring Mr Palmers vitals just in case and since you were planning on drinking thought it was a very good idea to pay extra attention in case of adverse effects”.

“Gideon are you saying that somehow you’ve picked up an anomaly with Ray and his consumption of vodka” Sara said looking and sounding puzzled.

“I have indeed Miss Lance” Gideon replied and then continued, “It appears that as soon as Mr Palmer consumes alcohol his body automatically heals any adverse effect, his body has been repairing anything it feels is being damaged by the alcohol. For example making sure his brain is regulated and its chemistry is unaffected” Gideon finished and Sara and Ray just sat there looking amazed.

“Damn it Gideon use real people terms, are you trying to say that somehow Ray’s super healing is healing his beer buzz” Mick said sounding annoyed.

“Yes Mr Rory, it has become quite apparent that drinking alcohol will no longer make Mr Palmer get drunk. I now cannot say if in fact there is a point when he can consume enough in a small amount of time to get drunk but it seems Mr Palmer is suffering from forced sobriety” Gideon finished.

Sara looked at Ray who was mystified and looking like he was about to say something when Mick blurted out.

“That’s bullshit, you mean Haircut can’t get drunk! Aren’t worth having powers if you can’t drink!” Mick didn’t not sound pleased with this revelation.

“Mick it’s not like I can’t drink it’s just that I won’t get drunk” Ray said trying to sound reassuring and then wondering why he had to be the one to reassure Mick.

“Still sucks Haircut, kinda put a damper on certain plans” Mick grumbled back.

“Let me guess your idea of a romantic date was to take Ray to a dive bar, get him drunk and make your move” Sara said.

“And” Mick said shooting her a ‘what of it’ look.

“Mick you know you don’t have to get me drunk to make a move” Ray said looking at Mick with a smile that held a bit of mischief.

“Of course I know that Haircut but maybe I needed a bit of liquid courage, not really into the wordy thing so it seemed like a good plan for a date” Mick replied still sounding annoyed and put out by this latest piece of information.

“So we’ll just have to plan another date, I mean I can literally fly you anywhere in the world and we don’t have to worry about the power supply running out. Also isn’t Kara able to fly as fast as Barry runs, think how quickly we could get somewhere or I could bring something to us. Name anything you want to eat and I could fly to the country of origin and bring it here. If I can match Barry’s speed then name me a cuisine and I will bring it to us right now. Come on Mick, think of the possibilities so what if I can’t get drunk!” Ray said getting more and more excited by the idea of just flying off to Italy and bringing back Mick authentic pizza.

Sara could tell from the expression on Mick’s face that he too was coming round to the idea. This was when she decided that it was time she excused herself and not be a third wheel. She wanted them to have this moment, to be alone and happy and discussing potential dates. Ray and Mick were in a bubble of just them and what they could do as a couple and it was time she let them have their space. Sara got up and said she was going to go check on the rest of the crew, she’d neglected her Captain duties and should probably see what the other Legends were doing. She knew it was the right move as Ray and Mick nodded at her reasoning but were happily locked in a moment.

Ray and Mick were now facing each other and Mick was looking at Ray with fondness and a bit of excitement in his eye as Ray listed off countries they could go to. Sara smiled and then left the mess so they could continue, feeling happy that they were talking about positives and their new relationship and not being crushed by the weight of recent events and discoveries.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

“Mexico!” Ray said beaming at Mick, he was so excited that he didn’t realise how close to Mick he’d got and that he was practically in the other man’s lap.

Mick mulled the idea over and had unconsciously placed his hands on Rays hips all but ready to pull the man onto his lap. Mick knew once Ray started talking he’d go into one of his over excited rambles and Mick was glowing in the energy Ray had and that all of it was directed at Mick. Mick had to admit this wasn’t’ far off the plan he’d had for their first date, get drunk, allow Ray to go into one of his overzealous dialogues and then use being fed up of him talking as an excuse to pull the over excited nerd into his lap and kiss the words right out of his mouth.

“Mick Mexico would be great, the food, the sun and the tequila!” Ray said and Mick was haunted by one last thought that was stopping him making his move. While he was tipsy with drink Ray was sober.

“Haircut! Tequila is gonna have no effect on you so what’s the point...” Mick started to say before Ray put both of his hand on Micks shoulders and looked him strait in the eye.

“I already said I don’t need to be drunk for you to make a move and anyway maybe I plan on getting you drunk so you let your guard down” Ray said and Mick just huffed.

“Yeah sorry Haircut, I don’t think…” Mick stared before again Ray cut him off. But this time it wasn’t with words. 

No Ray had suddenly moved his hands and grabbed hold of Micks shirt collar pulling the startled man forward into a kiss. Mick had never expected Ray Palmer to make such a definite and forward move. The fact that Ray had shut him up using his own mouth was a turn on and he mentally made a note to re think the whole ‘Haircut not being able to get his guard down’. Ray’s mouth was hot and tasted of vodka and beer as it worked against Mick’s as Mick tugged on Ray’s hips pulling the man onto his lap.

Mick had wanted to do this for a long time, to feel Ray’s well defined body against his, to kiss that mouth and feel the scientist shudder with pleasure. It was very apparent that Ray too had wanted this badly as he moaned into Mick’s mouth and then kissed back hungrily. Ray’s hands were now holding tightly to the front of Micks shirt as they kissed desperately and Mick let out a hiss of pain. Ray immediately broke the kiss and noticed that not only was Mick breathing hard but that his lips were swollen and the bottom one was bleeding.

“Mick damn it I’m sorry, I got lost in the moment I started to forget to hold back” Ray started to say looking upset with himself and shrinking back from Mick.

“Don’t’ you dare Haircut?” Mick said looking at the kiss drunk man in front of him. It was his turn to reassure, to make the move and make sure Ray felt no guilt or shame for going after the thing he wanted.

“Besides it’s not like I don’t enjoy it a little rough” Mick said and took pleasure in seeing the red creeping back into Ray’s face.

“Look Ray, I promise that if you start losing control of your strength I’ll let you know but you got to promise me you never feel guilty. I don’t want you to ever feel ashamed of anything we do from here on out, you let me know what and when you’re ready to move this along ok!” Mick said seriously, if he wanted this thing with Ray to work then he had to make sure the man knew he was serious.

“Now can you stop acting like an idiot so we can get back to far more fun activities” Mick said smirking at Ray. Ray nodded and Mick felt his body relax a bit as Mick placed his hand round the back of Ray’s head to guide him down for another kiss. He sensed Ray’s nervousness at hurting him so he lead this kiss making sure to kiss the man deep and hard wanting to hear him groan out his name. 

They broke apart for a second time both a little speechless and blissed out from finally getting to indulge. The rest of the world had faded out and both men were painfully turned on but also basking in the knowledge that they were definitely on the same page and had mutual desire for each other. Mick felt good about the fact that he had succeeded in kissing Ray into silence and that he was the cause of the giddy look on Rays face. This of course was the moment when Sara called the over the comms.

“Sorry guys, hope I’m not interrupting anything but we’ve had word from Team Flash. Felicity wants to talk to us all I’m patching her in” Sara said sounding guilty and apologetic.

“Hi guys, so I’ve cracked the data drive and been through a good portion of the data and um god well if you want to have the results I think it will be better in person. Ray it’s your choice who hears this but…I’m sorry, I’m here for you ok just come meet me in Star Labs and I’m sorry” Felicity’s voice sounded sad and small, it cracked in places and sounded tired like she had been crying.

The moment was broken as Ray started to tense up as he slid off Mick’s lap. 

“Well I suppose I better go find out my truths, not that I really want to know anything Felicity feels she has to apologise for” Ray said before adding, “For a moment I got to forget, for a moment I wasn’t confused or scared” Ray said in a small voice.

“Come on Haircut, we got all the time in the world for us” Mick said but not really knowing what words to have. He was grateful, even happy that this new thing between them wasn’t something that scared or confused Ray, truth be told it did scare him. He knew for certain when they kissed that this feeling ran a lot deeper and was more than a passing crush or just sexual desire. The proof was that instead of offering to distract Ray and encourage them to go get lost in each other’s arousal, he recognised that Ray wanted the answers from the data drive. Their relationship wasn’t going to move forward until Ray faced the facts.

“Mick um I know you might not want to but would you come with me, just you know be there when I see the data” Ray said shyly.

“hadn’t been planning on sitting here on my own Haircut, so yeah lead the way” Mick said and the two men headed to Star Labs to face whatever truths the data was going to reveal and leaving behind the wonderful bubble of just them and finally being able to focus on their feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Needed a way to get the Kryptonians can't get drunk on regualr booze but this chapter ended up be far more fun to write than I expected.


	12. Chapter 11

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 11

Felicity was trying very hard to make it look like she hadn’t been crying, she didn’t want Ray walking in and seeing her like this for one thing it would make him worry and another he would probably put his concern for her before his own. Barry had zipped into the cortex to check on her,

“Hey Felicity, I take it you’ve read or seen some pretty horrific stuff, sorry you were exposed to it. Myself and Mick saw things we’ll never unsee in that house and neither of us are really up for telling Ray. I’m still processing it all but I know how your feeling right now.” Barry explained.

“Barry, how could they I mean they are his parents. How could anyone do that to a child, oh god there’s videos on this, so many videos, I only watched one and I wanted to be sick.” Felicity said with a shaking voice and Barry put a hand on her shoulder reassuringly.

“How do I even tell Ray, I mean this is Ray he’s the sweetest, kindest and loyalist person I’ve met, this is gonna kill him!” She said trying again to regain control of her emotions.

“It’s Ray’s choice whether he wants to know everything, we have to let him decide. I think were gonna find it hard getting Mick to agree to that, I saw how he reacted to Ray’s house and I think he’s gonna fight to protect Ray from certain truths” Barry replied.

“Yeah, I’m not sure why but I think Mick hates me, plus I wasn’t aware they were that close but well they seem to be now. God he’ll be here any minute and I still feel like I look like a picture of grief” Felicity said in an annoyed tone, annoyed that she wasn’t being strong for Ray.

“Look we just have to let this play out, you have answers about the chip right” Barry asked and Felicity nodded, “And you have the truth about where Ray came from and being Kryptonian right” and again Felicity nodded in agreement at Barry.

“So it’s Ray’s right to know these things and then decide what to do with the information, he then has to choose if he wants to know the truth about his childhood and if so we just have to make sure were all there for him” Barry said and Felicity was grateful for his take charge attitude and voice of reason.

“Ok Barry, this is about helping Ray, got to reign in what’s going on in my head for his sake” Felicity said and it was Barry’s turn to nod in agreement before speeding away at the sound of footsteps into the cortex.

She looked up to see Ray coming in looking determined but also like he wished he hadn’t come. She’d expected him to come alone knowing that the information was going to be sensitive and that he may want to see it first before deciding who gets to know his most personal secrets. But in fact Mick was in toe looking angry and wary. She rationalised it by the fact that Mick had seen first-hand some of the horror talked about on the data but still felt a weird annoyance that it wasn’t just her that was going to be there for Ray plus she didn’t like the way he glared at her.

“Hiya Felicity, I hear you’ve cracked the secret of my life” Ray said in an overly cheerful voice and anyone could tell he was hiding fear and trepidation.

“Only if you want to know them but thought it only fair you be the first to know” she replied.

“Thanks Felicity, not sure I’m ready for this but I need answers and not just for my own sake, for my team for my friends and those I care about most. I can’t risk being a danger to them or causing them to worry about me” Ray said and of course he would be worried about his team having to worry about him, he always liked to put others first.

Ray came and sat next to her and Mick perched himself on the edge of the counter in a position so that if he suddenly didn’t like what was being shown he could easily either pull Ray away or knock a monitor off. He was a little red in the face and both had a hint of vodka on them but Felicity didn’t want to bring it up. Who was she to judge them for having a drink, after what she had seen she wanted a drink too

“Ok Ray where do you want to start?” She asked putting the ball in his court.

“I think we better clear up this whole Kryptonian question, not that finding out is gonna change who I am but at least I will be more aware of what to expect when it comes to powers I might have.” Ray said matter of factly and Felicity saw he was using his scientist mind to come at this clinically rather than emotionally.

“Well it’s safe to say you are definitely Kryptonian, there are files detailing how your parents found you. I couldn’t find any birth records until I found what looks like a very good faked copy that said you were born at home.” Felicity said her voice quivering slightly hoping that Ray was handling the info well.

“So I was found, like was I lying on their door step or abandoned, how did I get here?” Ray said sounding clinical and pushing his emotion down deep.

“The reports detailed how they were tracking a weird energy signal, something alien was entering earth’s atmosphere and they wanted to be the ones that discovered it. When they arrived on scene you were found in what was described as an escape pod of alien origin. They saw you inside and took both you and the pod back with them” Felicity said and looked at Ray’s face which he was trying not to let fall.

“They found data crystals in your pod, apparently containing a message from your birth parents explaining that Krypton had been destroyed and sending you away was the only thing they could think of to protect you” Felicity continued noting how Ray suddenly lit up and looked at her with hope.

“So there’s a message from my birth parents, I mean I didn’t know them or even know I wasn’t the Palmers actual child but it’s good to know their last act was to save me. I would love to hear it, to hear their voices….” Ray trailed of when Felicity looked down, looking both upset and disappointed.

“I’m really sorry Ray but the Palmers said that to ensure no one found out about your origins they destroyed the messages. They found a way to repurpose the crystals and made sure there was never going to be a way for anyone to know where you came from. They used every inch of your pod to advance their own technological achievements. I’m so sorry there’s nothing left of it, it’s all been used for parts, for experiments, for research and for creating new tech” She said sounding awful and feeling even worse as she watched Ray go still and the colour drain from his face in pure disappointment.

“I suppose having alien tech and hiding the fact you were raising an alien baby might have been tough, they didn’t want someone finding out and trying to steal it or take away their son. They were trying to keep me safe right?” Ray said in a small voice and Felicity didn’t know what to say to him she just couldn’t find the right words.

“Screw that Haircut!” Mick suddenly said making Felicity jump a little and look at the man who was clearly angry.

“You get to be upset by this, you get to be angry. It was a dick move by those people you had the right to know your real parents, don’t defend those people” Mick said aggressively and Ray looked at him eyes wide.

“But Mick they did raise me, I mean they are still my parents even if not by birth” Ray said but the words stopped at the look of anger and hate on Mick’s face.

“At my house you saw something didn’t you Mick, you saw something that calls into questions what kind of people they are. You know something about my life before 10, what aren’t you telling me Mick, why do you hate them!” Ray said a little anger creeping into his own voice.

“Not my place to tell you, plus wouldn’t help you to know, sometimes the past is better left well alone” Mick said trying to keep his own anger in check knowing that snapping back at Ray wouldn’t help him at all.

“Please Mick what did you see” Ray said pleading now and it was clear he had an idea himself but was too afraid to speak it out loud. Ray took a deep breath and said,

“You found proof that these experiments were not just on my escape pod, that there is truth to the theory I was a victim of experimentation, that they messed with my facial structure, that they tested me that…”Ray was starting to get upset and more frantic, his hands were crushing the sides of his chair the metal like paper in his grasp and there was a slight tone of desperation in his voice.

“Stop it Haircut! Doesn’t matter what those people did, doesn’t change how you are now, I don’t give a crap about them and you shouldn’t either!” Mick said as he stood up his own fists clenched.

“Mick you know me better than that, how am I not supposed to care. I mean caring about others is kind of my thing. You should have told me, I thought we were partners and now it turns out your hiding things from me already” Ray said his tone accusing.

“Haircut, it’s not my place and I’ve said many times that I think the past should be left alone, I don’t want it to eat away at you. You care too much what others think about you when you should be thinking about yourself!” Mick said sounding serious but also sincere and Ray stilled realising his anger was at the wrong person and starting to look guilty.

“Oh don’t even, I just told you, you have the right to be angry, do you really think I’m gonna be bothered by a bit of misplaced anger. Look Consoles over there has your answers, it’s your choice but I say we find out about this damn chip and then move on” Mick said and it was more reassuring than Felicity had expected to hear plus she wasn’t exactly sure on her nickname.

In fact Felicity had watched the entire exchange and something was falling into place but she couldn’t be certain. Mick had called them partners but that could explain a lot of different relationships but it was the way Mick took Rays anger, didn’t judge or blame or get defensive no he accepted it and then made sure Ray carried no guilt for getting angry. You don’t do that unless you really care about someone. Mick clearly felt deep hatred for the Palmers but he was also trying to shield Ray from the truth, again trying to make sure he didn’t have to suffer with the pain of what he was so close to finding out.

If Felicity wasn’t mistaken Mick talked like a man that cared a lot about Ray coupled with the fact that he glared at her like she was trying to get closer to Ray than he appreciated, like he was jealous, it was starting to look very much like Mick had feelings for Ray. Could it be possible that the aggressive pyro had romantic feelings for Ray, it wasn’t hard to fall for Ray he was good looking and kind and a genius so it wasn’t out of the realms of possibility. Felicity stopped her musing when Mick glared at her gain and begrudgingly said,

“Ok Consoles, let’s hear about this damn chip” he then went to stand next to Ray’s chair putting his hand on the back of it and she noticed that Ray finally relaxed and stopped gripping the now totally destroyed arm rests.

“Ok Ray as for the chip, this is gonna be a hard pill to swallow so are you ready” Felicity explained and she saw Ray look up at Mick for moral support before nodding slowly at her.

“The chip indeed was invented for the dual purpose of repressing memories from before you were 10 years old. I’ve confirmed you had no childhood illness but it became apparent in your early years that you got stronger and even healed when exposed to the suns radiation. Therefore the second function of the chip was to block out your body’s ability to absorb the suns radiation. I’m sorry Ray, even with the right tools I’m not sure we can remove the chip because of its neural network. But maybe we can find a way to diffuse it completely instead of this half state it’s in?” Felicity explained trying to put a positive in to end on and feeling guilty for not being brave enough to look at Ray’s expression.

“So I was an experiment or at least some kind of guinea pig, my parents got rich of the discoveries they made testing on me and the technology used on my body. I mean they made some medical breakthroughs and you can’t do that without have live trials” Ray said sounded small and insignificant. 

“I was nothing more than a mean to an end for them, well I suppose I was their greatest success as well and I got to live a pampered life after, maybe I should be grateful I never wanted for nothing” Ray said trying to justify what he had heard.

“That’s stupid, I thought money and possessions would make me happy, me and Len thought our lives would improve if we stole enough. Now look at me I’m apparently a hero with a partner that is pretty much the boy scout of heroes. Isn’t wealth that’s making happy now Haircut.” Mick said and Felicity pretty much knew for certain that Mick was pretty much saying that Ray was what made him happy.

“Thanks Mick, this is a lot to take in, my whole world and life was a lie” Ray said.

“What you’ve got now is what’s important Ray and were all here for you ok, what we do next is your call” Felicity said.

Ray sat there thinking, trying to work out what the next step would be and not wanting to just break down.

“I need these headaches to stop and that means finding a way to disable the chip, all data on the chip needs to be shared, with everyone’s combined thought’s and knowledge we must be able to think of a way. We need to work out what the specialised tools are, do you have anything related to that” Ray said going into action to stop himself wallowing in the truth he was keeping at arm’s length.

“Yeah Ray there is data on a mineral called Kryptonite, the Palmers tracked some down and apparently it can weaken your Kryptonian DNA. It was once part of your planet but now is something you should avoid much exposure to. It looks like the Palmers developed a set of Kryptonite tipped surgical tools so they could install the chip” Felicity was explaining when an amused grunt came from Mick.

“Sometimes having an ex-criminal in your team wields the best results. The stuff looked expensive and I was mad so helped myself. The set of tools is in a brief case on the Waverider and so is a sample of that rock” Mick said looking smug and even more proud of himself when Ray jumped up to face him and exclaiming that he was brilliant.

“Ok we have all the data we need and the tools! We can do something about this chip, I may get my memories back but at the very least we can try and stop it from hurting me whenever I remember something. With the tools we could possible remove it. Felicity can I take the data drive back to the Waverider to look through it myself, you’ve made a copy. Want to see if it is possible to remove the chip without upsetting the neural network” Ray said excitedly

“Sure, I’ve copied all the relevant data and sent it to Team Flash and the Legends” She said feeling better now there was a plan and that Ray hadn’t asked to know more about the experiments in fact he had seemed to have put them out of his mind.

Mick eyed Ray suspiciously, he was acting too happy and that was a sign he was hiding something, he made a mental note to ask him when they were alone. 

“We have to be careful, if you want to remove the chip that means surgery and to do that we have to weaken you. With the kryptonite that’s possible but Caitlin will want to run some tests to see what level of exposure without hurting you too much” Felicity said cautiously.

“I’m sure it will be fine, I mean it turns out I’m no stranger to tests” Ray said in a happy voice and looked at the screen where an image of the mineral was being displayed. Suddenly he remembered that he hated green and a familiar sting began in his head. He didn’t want to ruin the momentum so he tried to look happy and ready to get to work but noticed Mick was looking at him with disapproval. Then Micks hands were on either side of his face the man looking at him seriously.

“Don’t ever make that joke again Haircut!” Mick growled out and Ray scrunched his eyes, “Sorry Mick that was thoughtless….Mick I remember green” Ray said a little breathlessly.

“Ok breathe Haircut! I got you, leave the past behind it’s not worth it” Mick said in a strong supportive voice.

“Consoles Ray needs to rest, do what you have to but this is as far as he goes today” Mick said leaving no room to disagreement.

“Mick med bay, Felicity let Caitlin know I’m coming ok” Ray whispered out and she let them know she was already on it. Felicity informed Caitlin of their arrival and then watched as the two men walked off. Ray was clutching his head and Mick had his arm around him guiding him down the corridor. Yep she thought there was definitely something going on there.  
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Once in the med bay Mick helped Ray to lie down and Caitlin got to scanning and apologising she couldn’t do anything more for the pain. Ray could only really remember hating green and wishing desperately that he was unconscious. Luckily his wish came soon as his body was mentally exhausted and this headache was enough to push him into blessed sleep.

Ray awoke to see Mick sitting in the chair next to him holding the data drive and twirling it in his fingers.

“How long was I out” he asked and Mick grumbled out “3 hours”.

“Sorry Mick, um where is everyone?” Ray asked.

“First stop apologising and second it’s like the middle of the night and people need to rest, you know well rested minds much better for solving problems like weird alien chips” Mick said.

“Technically I’m the weird alien and the chip is human design” Ray said.

“Don’t be a smart arse” Mick said but there was a curl to his lips, “Come on lets head back to the Waverider, sleep in a proper bed” Mick finished and Ray nodded.

They walked back to the Waverider and it was a comfortable silence both men tired and reeling with information, half of which Mick didn’t even understand. Soon they were outside Ray’s bedroom door and both men stood awkwardly.

“Stop looking at me like that Haircut, I’m not sure what the right choice is here either.” Mick said frustrated but knowing that after everything Ray had heard it felt a little like taking advantage to do anything.

“I mean you can come in, you did before but for sleeping I really need sleep but I also want to think, actually I think I need some time to think. It’s not that I don’t want you to come in I really do but it might not be the best idea but then again it might be the best idea” Ray started to ramble nervously.

Mick planted a chaste kiss on the man to shut him up and took pleasure in the big brown eyes blinking at him in confusion.

“You rest, take some time for yourself. I’m not going anywhere and if you need me you know where to find me” Mick said decided that giving Ray some space might be a good idea, he needed to look after himself and not worry about what Mick was thinking.

“Oh here’s the data thing, just don’t look at it now, get some rest and if you want to go through it call me” Mick said and Ray nodded taking the drive.

Ray shuffled on his feet awkwardly before in a small voice said,

“Um Mick before you go………kiss me?” it sounded like a question like Ray was asking if it was ok to request this and Mick wanted to make sure there was never any doubt in Ray’s mind that kissing him was not something he needed to request.

He pulled Ray to him their mouths meeting and lips pressing together. The kiss was slow and not as desperate as before, Mick was finding it such a new rush to know there were so many ways to kiss Ray. Ray was enjoying the fact that there was a kiss for every one of his emotions, this kiss meant understanding and the promise of more to come, and it was deep and wonderful and made him feel safe and comforted. 

Ray was sad when Mick pulled back but also he felt weary and needed to rest. Mick gave him a smug little smile before repeating Ray’s need to rest and call if he needed him before walking back to his own room and Ray entered his. Ray put the data drive down and then sat on his bed. He was exhausted and as much as he was trying to not let it bother him he couldn’t stop thinking about his life as a lie, as an object rather than a person. If his parents hadn’t really loved him how could anyone else, was he destined to think of himself as someone important only to keep finding out he was second choice, it was a façade or he was just a thing to be used.

How long before Mick got bored or annoyed at him, how long could he really keep this thing with Mick alive? Worse was he didn’t even know what these experiments were maybe they weren’t that bad but then again Mick was adamant that he should leave it well alone

But Mick had seen something, Mick new what his parents had done wasn’t it only fair he knew to. Together maybe they could work through it, maybe he could watch the video file with Mick, and he’d feel a lot better having his presence. But what if Mick was also scarred by what he saw, Ray couldn’t do that to him. Or worse the videos reveals just how alien Ray was, if Mick saw his true form maybe he was something monstrous and Mick would begin to fear him. In fact he didn’t even have to look like an alien his powers were pretty crazy but what if the videos showed just how powerful he was and Mick couldn’t handle that. No he couldn’t let that happen he couldn’t let Mick fear or hate him.

Ray thought he’d better sleep but now he couldn’t get these thoughts out of his head, the data drive was just looking at him telling him to watch. He’d said he wait but he couldn’t, he was a scientist after all his curious mind needed satisfaction. That’s what he told himself as he got up from the bed and plugged the data drive into a laptop in his room.

Ray soon found the folder and was overwhelmed by the amount of footage. Ten years’ worth of videos, all his young life there before him. He didn’t know where to start but decided he would watch one video for each year of his life. As Ray clicked on the earliest video he was unprepared for what the night ahead was going to reveal and the horrors waiting to be revealed to him.


	13. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter goes perfectly with The Hoosiers - Worried About Ray  
> https://youtu.be/2_DZ-ijJiKM

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 12

Ray was awake hours later he’d never gone to sleep and he’d got no messages from the rest of the crew who no doubt didn’t want to disturb him if he was actually resting. He’d watched countless videos some were only short and some were long and drawn out and the most painful things he’d ever seen. He couldn’t quite believe this was him, in fact the child hadn’t even looked like him as he remembered as a child for one thing he had blue eyes. Ray had brown eyes, he’d never had blue eyes this couldn’t be him. But those were definitely the people he had thought were his parents before the Kryptonian revelation and as he saw his young self throughout the ages there had been moments when the boy on screen was awake and they had called him Raymond.

Some of these scenes were like watching the kind of torture you’d expect to see on the dark web, not something he thought his parents, no the Palmers could be a part of. He had no memory of these events but somehow he kept watching in morbid fascination. The chip had done a great job to hide all this from him and truthfully he had no idea what would happen if he got the memories back, did he want to remember going through this torture.

Ray was shaking and covered in sweat trying to reconcile the footage with his own memory of the past. Sometimes a memory would be there just out of reach but a headache would come back and Ray squashed the thought trying to distance himself from the boy on screen. No this wasn’t him it couldn’t be, it was someone else with his name. Gideon had contacted him to say she was worried as his vitals were erratic and there was a chance of another seizure coming on but he swore he was fine. Ray knew that Gideon would be able to access what he was watching and in a small and broken voice had told her,

“You’re watching this too right, if it wasn’t effecting me there would be something wrong but it’s my right to know so unless I have a full seizure do not contact anyone. Please Gideon I have to do this”.

Gideon had agreed, seeing and hearing the pain in Ray’s voice and was ready to raise alarms and have medical on standby if it was needed. Ray was grateful for her understanding as he watched more videos. It was around the time his parents had discovered the Kryptonite, it was a few years when he was around 3 that the mineral was brought into his life and things had got bad.

He understood why he hated it so much as the minute the mineral was introduced into the Palmers life he went from experiments where he had to carry or sort things, tests of intellect, ability to learn and physical strength to them now having a way to weaken him enough so they could test his resistance. Ray watched morbidly as they were able to put him under to remove organs and see how long they took to grow back. He watched in horror as they tested his resistance to fire and finally he threw up violently as they poured corrosive acids onto his young skin. Seeing a child of 5 scream in pain and writhe as his flesh was melted away was too much and Ray was feeling so very broken.

Ray could feel the tears on his cheeks and he was shaking, he wanted nothing more than to deny what he saw on the screen as he looked at his arm. Who would have thought that at one point acid had eaten away the flesh there? Sometimes it went all the way to bone as he watched skin burn, fat bubble, muscle peel and melt and nerves snap before bone corroded away. This couldn’t have happened he’d have remembered this, he’d have scars both mentally and physically. Maybe it was a blessing he had no memory of this, he wasn’t sure he could handle recalling such horrible events.

Ray wanted to call Mick, he needed him to tell him this was all fake and just hold him make Ray feel safe and human. The minute he thought it he felt coldness inside him as the despair set in, he wasn’t even human! What would Mick think anyway if he saw him crying like a child? He’d probably laugh at him for being so emotional or weak. No he didn’t want Mick to see him crying or looking pathetic. He was aware that he had his arms wrapped around himself and his right hand was holding tightly to the upper part of his left hand. He hadn’t noticed he was squeezing himself until he saw the pressure he had applied to his arm.

He watched looking at the way his fingers dug into the flesh of his upper arm but it didn’t hurt, it didn’t even bruise. He faced the truth, even if he tore off his own arm it would grow back but could he, did he have enough power to hurt himself, could he really heal that fast. Ray focused on his hand and began to squeeze harder using as much force as he could until he started to feel the pain. So he can feel pain that was good to know as he let go of his arm and watched as the angry bruise there began to fade almost immediately. So he wasn’t totally invulnerable, if he ever lost control of himself he knew that Kara at least would be able to take him out.

Ray cursed himself as he realised he was very much a child raised by the Palmers because after everything he had seen he still wanted to test things out himself. He wanted to know if he could heal as well now as he did before the chip was inserted. He concentrated trying to think of something that would help him deal with the new truth threatening to devour him. He was in so much pain mentally he had been so glad when he’d felt it physically, it had almost been a release. As he closed his eyes to think he was aware that he could hear sounds from further away in the Waverider, everyone was still asleep with the exception of someone in the mess, it sounded like they were pouring a coffee. Ray could hear the electronic hum of the ship, had it always been this loud, he thought. 

He could hear the hum and pulse of the time drive, the static of electronics and the beeps of monitors looking out for various information like tracking aberrations. Whoever was in the mess was a noisy cook as he heard them heavily put down a plate or bowl and aggressively rummage in cupboards. He then heard the definite sound of a microwave, something was being warmed up. Ray then had another thought, warmth, heat, yes heat he had heat vision. The sounds faded again and everything went back to its usual volume as he remembered that he could shoot heat beams from his eyes. But how, he had no idea and he didn’t want to accidently blast a hole in the wall, especially now the Waverider was all fixed up.

But Ray wanted to know if he could feel pain again, no he needed to feel pain and those beams could be able to do the job. He stared at his arm intently, please he thought just a bit just let me feel something a little. He was tired of feeling weak and lost, he was scared and worried, he was feeling every bit the unwanted and unloved person he sometimes feared he could be, he feared being a monster and the rejection, he hated that he was nothing more than a thing to the people he called parents and he hated that only his head hurt and he couldn’t release any of the tension.

He felt the hot sting of tears in his eyes and he started to get angry, it wasn’t fair, what had he done to deserve this, why could he just be a useful, functioning person. Why when he thought he’d found something special was it ready to break down because he was some freak that didn’t belong. The hot tears soon turned to heat and suddenly a blast came out hitting the palm of his left arm. Ray could feel the anger but also the satisfaction as he watched the crimson beam begin to singe his palm. Soon he felt the pain and could smell his flesh begin to burn and he felt the wonderful release as his mind blocked out all other thoughts. He dragged his eyes up his arm going from palm to wrist and further up and seeing for himself his skin burn and then heal. It hurt immensely but he didn’t want it to stop, he’d found his truth and a release.

“Doctor Palmer, what are you doing if you don’t stop I will wake every member of the crew and call them to your room” Came the worried voice of Gideon and it broke Ray out of his trance and the crimson beams stopped. He looked at his burnt and blistered arm and couldn’t quite understand why he felt so disappointed to see it heal in seconds. Maybe the chip was still blocking his true potential.

“Doctor Palmer, say something before I call Captain Lance” again came Gideon’s voice and he fully snapped out of his wonderings.

“Sorry Gideon, I just needed to see for myself, I just needed to verify it with my own eyes. Please don’t tell anyone, I just lost myself for a moment” Ray explained.

“I understand your scientific curiosity but also think this is an unhealthy course of action” Gideon said a mixture of worry and reprimand.

“Oh Sorry, it’s not what it looks like, I just got carried away I forgot about anything else but the theory I had in my head.” Ray said sounding convincing as he rationalised his actions and spoke with clinical focus.

“Very well Doctor Palmer but I think it would be good to talk to someone” Gideon said before leaving Ray to the silence of his room.

He hadn’t been trying to harm himself it was just a science experiment he was just testing out a hypothesis. Ray let out a breath and lent back in his chair, he was really a mess. So many conflicting feelings came back to his mind and he had to admit that the focused pain and nothingness that had come with burning his arm had been welcomed. He hated the emptiness of not having his memories but at the same time loved that he didn’t have to remember those first ten years. At the same time he wasn’t a full person without his memories, they could hold the keys to understanding his powers.

If Ray could get a handle on his powers then he would be so much more useful to the team. They wouldn’t have to worry about him putting himself in unnecessary danger because he’d be invulnerable. Mick wouldn’t have to worry about losing his partner and Ray would be able to protect Mick at all costs. If Mick didn’t run from the monstrous past Ray had or the fact that he was something not human then having those memories would allow him some closure and more answers. He needed the chip out, he had to have his memories, he needed to face his past head on, learn to control his powers and be useful to his team.

So what if his parents the Palmers hadn’t thought of him as a real son and used him as a guinea pig he had a new family. If Ray wanted to keep his new family, if he wanted to make sure the Legends never got frustrated or annoyed with him then he needed his full powers. He never wanted someone to tell him he was nothing without the suit again, or wasn’t a real hero because he didn’t have powers. He didn’t want to always get himself into life and death situations and make everyone worry about him or get mad at him. Ray wanted to be the best Legend he could be, he didn’t want his new family to toss him aside.

Ray looked at the screen of his laptop and closed it down, he was stronger than people gave him credit for, and when he gets his memories back he won’t break. He would remember his past, use the knowledge to control his powers and then he would talk to his team. Maybe he wouldn’t even need to talk, maybe he was old enough now to not let his past traumatise him but most importantly if it did he’d be so useful to the team even with a few hang ups there’s no way they’d remove him from the tam. Ray would be invaluable to them, Sara and Mick had gone through trauma and they were both strong confident people and Ray was sure Mick would prefer him the same way.

If he wanted to keep Mick’s heart he had to stay strong and not fall into pathetic despair. He wasn’t weak, he wasn’t weak, he wasn’t weak Ray kept saying to himself. He was never going to be weak again, mentally and physically he wasn’t a victim.

Ray had a plan as he put on fresh clothes and made himself look presentable to leave his room, he had his best smile ready as he strode into the corridors. As Ray walked he called Mick on the comms and was greeted by a sleepy voice.

“Damn it’s early” Groaned Mick.

“Mick, sorry just needed to ask something then you can go back to sleep” Ray said with as much forced cheerfulness as he could muster.

“Haircut” Mick said sounding a little more with it, “Yeah ok, you still in your room just sit tight” Mick said dragging himself out of bed.

“No it’s ok Mick you don’t need to get up. I just wanted to know where you put those modified tools and the kryptonite” Ray asked but his voice may have cracked a bit or Mick knew him too well.

“What you need em for” Mick asked sounding suspicious.

“Oh, just feeling well rested and wanted to get a head start on analysing them in case we need them to help with the chip” Ray said hoping he sounded confident. Mick wasn’t 100% convinced and he sounded a little unsure when he replied.

“Those weird tools are in their case in med bay and the green stuff is in the Captains office, look Haircut I don’t want you pushing yourself ok”.

“I promise I’m fine Mick, feeling peachy and ready to research” Ray replied.

“Yeah well I’m still gonna come meet you just in case, I know what that green shit does to you so in case your gonna try testing it out I wanna make sure you don’t do anything stupid” Mick said.

Ray wished for a moment that Mick didn’t know him so well but also his heart fluttered a little with the knowledge that Mick cared about him and understood him. It was a blessing and a curse at this moment.

“Come on Mick, what do you think I’m gonna do open the Kryptonite box to test how weak it makes me” Ray said in jest but annoyed that Mick had worked out that he had indeed planned to do just that.

“Don’t joke Haircut” Mick said in a warning tone, “I will go get your green rock and you get the tools, just let me know where to meet you”.

Ray had to quickly re think his plan as it was going to be more difficult than he thought.

“Sure Mick, lets meet at Star Labs. I’ll let them know we’re on our way” Ray said and Mick grumbled his approval.

Ray was soon in the med bay collecting the tools and reassuring Gideon that he was meeting Mick at Star Labs and everything was fine. After all everything was fine, everything was going to be fine, he was finally going to move past all his weaknesses, how could it not be fine. Ray stepped off the Waverider, only having the tools may make things a little more tricky but he was fine. He was excited to learn how to fly but for now he would have to cope with being on foot. He looked at Star Labs ahead of him and then turned on his heels and ran. Yep very soon everything was going to be ok.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Mick wondered into the cortex the lead box clutched in his hand and an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. It was dead quiet with no one around and no sign of Ray.

“Oi Nerd Flash, Consoles, Frosty!” Mick shouted and that feeling that told him something was wrong started to intensify.

A sleepy looking Caitlin walked into the Cortex looking like she hadn’t slept at all as she blinked at him in confusion.

“Mick why are you here?” She asked with puzzlement and Micks stomach finally dropped.

“Shit!” He cursed loudly, “Haircut never called to say he was heading over” he said but from the blank expression on her face he already knew the answer.

“Damn it Haircut, I’m gonna kill him when I find him!” Mick said turning on his heel to go look for the man.

“Wait, Mick, what’s going on let me help ok” Caitlin said and Mick felt for her. She’d obviously been up all night trying to work out a way to help Ray the least he could do was fill her in.

“Sure, Haircut told me he wanted this green rock and the weird medical tools and that he was heading here” Mick explained holding up the lead box, “Only the idiot isn’t here and didn’t tell you guys he was coming which very much means he isn’t coming and probably going to do something stupid”.

“Mick let me call everyone and we can track where Ray is ok, maybe he just forgot to call and is heading over right now” Caitlin said reassuringly and at the same time firing off a text.

“Believe me if he was coming he’d be here and he doesn’t forget anything, unless you count how to look after himself” Mick said getting angry.

At that moment Barry speed into the Cortex with Cisco and just after a sleepy looking Felicity followed. She also looked like she hadn’t slept and probably for the same reason Caitlin hadn’t. Mick felt a weird mixture of gratitude and jealousy. If anyone could help Ray it was these nerds but it didn’t stop the sting that he himself could do nothing for him. As much as he knew that Felicity and Ray were in the past it didn’t help that she had been the one to help find the answers Ray wanted. Mick felt useless in comparison and for the first time a sense of not being good enough for Ray crept in.

“Hey Sara, um is Ray still on the Waverider just apparently he told Mick to meet him here and well he isn’t” Barry said taking charge. Cisco and Felicity were typing away at the computer and Mick felt like an idiot just standing there.

“I’ve confirmed with Gideon that Ray isn’t on board, what’s going on guys?” Sara’s concerned voice came over the comms.

“Haircut is being an idiot, that’s what’s going on!” Mick said loudly and looking very much like he wanted to punch someone.

“Care to explain a bit” Felicity said but trying not to make eye contact, she got he had feelings for Ray but did he really have to keep calling him an idiot.

“Look I just got a bad feeling, every bone in my body is telling me that he’s gonna try and do something that is gonna get him hurt” Mick said and Cisco made the mistakes of saying, “so your gut is saying Ray’s in trouble”.

“He’s my partner I know when he’s in trouble and genuinely if you don’t know where he is that’s all the proof you need he’s got himself into danger” Mick said aggressively.

“Guys Mick has a point, a missing Ray is never a good sign” Sara said followed with, “I’m getting everyone together we’ll be in the Cortex shortly and we’ll also patch in Gideon”.

Mick didn’t want to wait he was antsy and annoyed and worried. He had a horrible feeling that left him cold but knew he had a better chance of finding Ray with everyone’s help. It felt like forever for everyone to gather but in reality it had been less than ten minutes. The two teams were now discussing possible locations Ray could have gone.

“Ok so we can’t track his vitals since he’s not wearing the Atom suit but we can try and track the chip since it gives off a signal or traces of kryptonite in the area.” Felicity said.

“So where is he” Mick demanded impatiently.

“Maybe if you stop glaring at me I can concentrate” She snapped back.

“Mick relax we’ll find him ok” Amaya said soothingly, “we’ll get him back to you ok”.

“I’m gonna kill him when we find him” Mick grumbled out.

“No you’re not Mick” Sara said with fondness and Mick let out a sigh,

“He lied to me Blondie, never thought he’d do that. Yeah it was a small lie but still it means he’s keeping things from me.” Mick said sounding unsure on how he should feel.

“Ray isn’t the type to lie and you’re the last person he’d keep his feelings from, so we have to assume something is off, something is out of character and he disappeared because of some misguided notion that it’s going to help out in the long run” Sara continued and Mick looked at her openly.

“Forget how well you know us and how much you care about Haircut too” Mick said.

“Hey just cause I’m not dating him doesn’t mean he isn’t an important friend” Sara replied.

“We’re not.. Damn it, have I just signed up for a life time of worrying about him” Mick said begrudgingly.

“I believe you have Mick” Amaya said and Nate was nodding with a look of ‘sorry mate but it’s the truth’ on his face. 

“Mick was there anything out of the ordinary when you left him last night, anything that can explain why he’s acting so erratic” Sara asked.

“No we were good, he was tired and confused and overwhelmed didn’t want to pressure him into thinking about us when he had so much else going on, thought a little space to digest was the right choice” Mick explained.

“It was the right call Mick, starting a relationship on top of all this has got to leave Ray feeling pulled in many directions” Nate added wanting to sound supportive.

Team flash had been trying to trace either the chip or Kryptonite tipped tools but Ray had been smart and every time they got a lead on the green mineral it was lost in an area with a high lead count, as for the chip being damaged meant it kept fritzing in and out, the signal getting randomly weaker and making it hard to track. They had overheard some of the conversation but to Barry, Caitlin and Felicity it just made everything fall into place and confirmed what they all thought. Cisco was a little more bug eyed as he whispered,

“Did they just say Mick and Ray are dating?” and Felicity replied with a “yep but it’s kind of been obvious and I think it’s a pretty new development”. Cisco looked at her in shock but was soon engrossed again in the game of cat and mouse that was trying to track Ray. Harry had made his way to the Cortex and was now adding algorithms based on studying the chip to the search to help track the chip.

Back with the Legends Mick was finding it a lot easier to just be open about his and Ray’s relationship as no one thought it changed anything and it meant he didn’t have to dance around the topic as he tried to think of anything that would have set Ray off. The Legends had no idea why Ray would up and leave when it was clear he’d been fine when he’d parted from Mick and from the sound of things they were in a good place. It was then that Gideon started to talk,

“I am sorry, Doctor Palmer made me promise not to tell you and I said I’d only contact you all if he had a seizure”.

“What did Haircut do?” Mick said voice low.

“I’m sorry Mr Rory but Doctor Palmer watched the videos on the data drive, I made sure to monitor in case it brought back memories and put his heath in danger, I am sorry I should have stopped him” Gideon said sounding guilty.

“Damn right you should have, how could you let him see that” Mick shouted and everyone looked at him.

“Mick it’s not Gideon’s fault and well it was Ray’s choice” Sara said but she knew that wouldn’t help.

Felicity had gone white as she said, “Oh god the things he would have seen, no wonder he’s gone I can’t imagine what he must be feeling”.

“I should have stayed with him, I should have known he’d watch that crap. I should have been there for him” Mick said as he turned and violently kicked a chair across the Cortex.

“Mick you couldn’t have known, Sara’s right he made his own choice and now it’s our job to bring him home and help him” Amaya added trying to make sure Mick didn’t lose himself to his anger and guilt.

She didn’t need to worry too much as there was a yelp of satisfaction from Cisco and the Legends turned to look at him.

“We have a location, old warehouse that once belong to Palmer Tech but was sold off to Lex Corp. It is lead lined but followed the kryptonite trail to the area and Harry picked up the chip from inside. The Warehouse is now down as unused, an old testing facility that is currently waiting to be repurposed, in other words an abandoned site with no security.” Cisco said looking pleased.

“Ok guys I know you want to get Ray back but after last time we go in with caution, we’re not sure what state were gonna find him in” Barry said.

“I don’t take orders from you, so you think I’m gonna go in looking for a fight with my partner you better think again” Mick said dangerously at Barry.

“I’m not saying that Mick just we have to be prepared” Barry said trying to be pragmatic.

“I suggest you scout the area but do not engage Barry, let the Legends approach, Ray has a better chance of staying in control if it’s us and if we need back up then send in Team Flash” Sara said trying to appease both sides and looking hopefully at Mick.

Mick got it, when she said us she’d meant him, if Ray was out of control again he was the best person to get him back on track but he also had to be prepared to let the others take Ray on if he couldn’t reach him. Mick needed Ray to be ok, he needed him to respond to him so Mick could make up for letting Ray be alone with that data. Ray watching those videos was the last thing he had wanted but worse was the fact that if Ray did he had wanted to be there with him so Ray didn’t have to watch alone.

“Ok Blondie it’s a plan, now can we go and find my partner” Mick said and both teams nodded and headed to Ray’s location.


	14. Chapter 13

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 13

Ray may not have worked out how to fly yet but he certainly was moving faster than he had ever before. In fact in his determination to gain some distance he had been pushing himself to move faster and somehow had managed to leap great distances. It was a rush and a thrill to feel the ground disappear from beneath his feet and the rush of wind through his hair and past his face. The rush had been so new and so exciting he had nearly forgotten what he was attempting to do and just lost himself to the sensation of leaping and the rushing wind. For a moment he felt like a kid and that’s when he started to feel the sting in his head and the grounding reality that he had a job to do.

Ray knew that Palmer tech owned various storage facilities on the outskirts of Central City, some of which had not been used in years, some had been sold off and some had been left for future sales if needed. His parents, no the people who raised him had said it was better to own facilities you didn’t need and sell them off at a profit to others who needed them more than to not have enough lucrative real estate. Ray had checked out a few facilities that so far had very much still been in use but was heading to the last one he knew about hoping to finally be lucky.

This old warehouse was on the outskirts of Central and half hidden in the local forested area. It was about as remote as they came and was down as a place to store experimental patents that were between sales. While it had a strong security of heavily locked facilities and electronic failsafe’s, it wasn’t manned and was not meant to be in use as the Palmers had said they had sold all existing patents and therefore didn’t need this particular warehouse. As Ray arrived he landed just shy of the fenced off site and noticed the silence that came with an unmanned site. The buildings were unmarked as far as he could tell, many had overgrown bind weed growing across them but it looked like no one had been here in years judging from the overgrowth.

Ray felt his heart sore as luck was on his side and he leapt over the fence and made his way to the old warehouse in the middle of the site. Ray kept an eye out for security cameras but any he saw pointed down and had no lights on indicating that they were indeed defunct. He stood for a moment but the only things he heard were the sounds of birds and insects, plus the distant sound of water running over rocks. No this site was abandoned as he walked up to the door and with an easy twist of his wrist wrenched the door open, its buckled under his tight grip and Ray walked into the old warehouse.

Once inside he noticed that it was cold and smelled musty, no one had been here in years. He stood in a large empty room that had absolutely nothing to show for itself or what it was once used for. The only out of place area was that in the very centre of the room was a large clear cube. Ray tried to work out what it was and as he got closer noticed it reminded him very much of the brig on the Waverider. The cube was big enough for a person to maybe walk a few paces left and right and was made of a very strong clear plastic, bullet proof and sound proof. Ray had no idea what the space was used for but it was cool to the touch.

Maybe if Ray had been in a better frame of mind he would have spent some more time searching the room but he was hear for a purpose. The inside of the cube looked a little more sterile than the rest of the empty space and as he felt along its smooth exterior he found what felt like a thin displacement. Pushing slightly there was a hiss and a section of the cube slide apart allowing him to step inside. Once inside he pressed the wall and the cube sealed itself with him inside. Ray sat on the floor and placed the case in front of him and took a deep breath.

Ray slowly popped the clasps on the case and then lifted the lid to reveal the surgical tools and their surreal green glow that emanated from their tips. The difference was immediate, already Ray felt weaker and more tired. It was as if all the power, strength and life was draining from him and it was nauseating. He didn’t know why but the hatred of green felt stronger than anything before and he felt weak all over as he picked up the green tipped scalpel. Ray’s eyes felt heavy and he had to fight to not close his eyes or put the scalpel down and close the case.

He remembered this weak feeling, it always came with exposure to a green light as his head throbbed with the pain. He had to work quickly if he wanted to remove the chip but his hand was shacking. Ray was certain these were the tools the Palmers would have used to cut his body, to dissect and operate on him. Could he really do this, he felt weak and pathetic. He was not the same kind of person as those people but did that mean he was just scared, was he less able than them, could he not do what was needed. Ray was weak, mentally and physically, he’d felt brave before but was soon realising that he was full of fear and the inability to do what must be done. 

He needed to feel in control, to prove he was just as capable as the Palmers and that he had his own strength. At this moment he wished he could just feel numb and not have to battle with the headache and the stinging that was ripping through his head.

“Times like this you realise he’s just as weak as any other child”

“I almost feel sorry for him, he’s pathetic like this”

“Your right, this is almost boring not that he can’t feel anything. Let’s call it a day, wait for him to heal and try again when he’s more conscious”

Ray remembered the conversation, he didn’t know who had said what but the Palmers had thought he was unconscious. Ray had learnt to ‘play dead’ if he didn’t react, if he just tried to let himself go numb and forget what was happening around him they would leave him along, sometimes long enough for him to recover or at least brace his resolve before they started their experiments again.

Ray shut his eyes and tried to calm his breathing, the pain in his head was nearly unbearably and then he heard the sound of metal clanging against the floor. His vision was blurry but he saw the scalpel lying there, he’d dropped it to grab his head in pain. If he held on any tighter if he pushed against his head any harder he was at risk of doing himself serious damage. No he thought, he wasn’t numb, he was strong and able, and he just needed to focus.

Ray reached out and picked up the scalpel before rolling the sleeve of his shirt up. He wasn’t trying to hurt himself or anything, he just needed to focus on something, plus he was curious to see if these tools did make a difference. He hadn’t even thought to try them out before he’d left and as a scientist he had a duty to experiment a little before going straight to the main event. Ray tried to steady his hand and then brought the thin green blade down slitting his arm from his wrist up to below the underside of his elbow.

The pain on the incision brought crisp focus and he was able to concentrate on his arm rather than the headache. He looked in fascination as the blade had indeed broken skin and red blood was bubbling to the surface about to stream out of the fresh cut. So he still bleed red that was something at least. Soon a steady line of red was flowing down his arm and he watched it in fascination. His arm had distracted him from his memories and his pain and fear. He wanted to make sure it wasn’t a fluke and parallel to the first incision cut another line down the underside of his arm watching as the blade cut through skin easily and more welts of red came to the surface to then run down his arm and drip onto the floor.

Ray felt a sense of relief and new found resolve, mentally preparing himself for the next stage. He’d studied the schematics of the chip and its placement in his brain. It wasn’t deep he just needed a sure and strong incision and then he could use the other tools to dig it out, there may be a bit of pain but it would be over quickly. Ray saw the long metal needle that he was sure with the right amount of force could pierce his skull and he would be able to use the tweezers to pull the chip out. Now was the time as he reached the back of his head and parted the hair at the top of his neck.

Ray took a deep breath and made the cut before placing the scalpel down and picking up the needle inserting it and with what he estimated was enough force pushed it into his head. White hot pain erupted as he dropped the metal needle and screamed into the empty room. Ray brought both his fists down hard splitting the ground as he struck the floor and tried desperately to breathe as his vision swam out of focus. He couldn’t waste time though for fear he would start to heal.

The tweezers like everything else were green tipped as he pushed then into the wound he had made and adrenaline was starting to take over. He pulled out a few bone fragments from his skull and then dug the tweezers further in aware that tears were forming in his eyes. But Ray had studied the scans of his brain he knew exactly where to dig and soon the tweezers had latched onto something small and foreign feeling, something one would definitely not expect to find digging around in one’s head.

Ray started to pull but the chip made no sign of coming free and he began to tug with more force. He was aware that the neural net that was part of the chips systems was rooted throughout his brain and was attached firmly to his brain and he didn’t know whether to risk just yanking the chip out and dealing with the consequences later. Ray didn’t want to be weak any longer, he didn’t want to hinder his team, be a burden or disappoint them anymore. Ray wanted to be strong, prove his worth and be the best he could be for Mick as well as the team.

Ray was too distracted to notice the blood that had soaked his shirt or pooled on the floor, he wasn’t aware of his body temperature dropping or that his hands were beginning to shake. Unfortunately this meant he lost his grip on the chip and Ray started to panic. He had to get it out, he had to be free of this chip now.   
Ray remembered being face down on the metal bed in the Palmers lab, they had shaved the back of his head and he had seen the bone saw and smaller surgical equipment as he’d entered the room. The lights had gone green and he was scared, he remembered how painfully it had been and how he had slipped from consciousness. The memory fell on him hard and his head exploded in pain, he was going to pass out, if he didn’t remove the chip now he was going to be unconscious. He panicked and grabbed the needle again, if he couldn’t remove the chip he would destroy it

That was the thought going through his mind as he aimed the point and pushed it in hard hoping to piece the chip and destroy it for good. Ray howled in pain and felt the hot burn of tears as crimson beams shot from his eyes and sliced through everything in their path.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Both Teams arrived at the abandoned site hidden in the forest and got to work. The Legends went in first with Team Flash as back up, Firestorm had swept the perimeter and there was no sign of people and the security was long out of commission. In fact the whole site looked like it hadn’t been used in years, Amaya had easily ripped the chains securing the gate and the team were now inside being directed to the middle warehouse.

“Are you sure Ray’s here?” asked Sara over the comms feeling weary of how silent it was.

“Yep, while the middle warehouse appears to be lead lined it also says that the chip can be detected from inside” Cisco repeated back.

Sara focused and led her team to the building in question, she and Mick approached from one side, Amaya and Nate from the other and Firestorm from above.

“It’s too damn quiet here, I don’t like it gives me a bad feeling, you sure Haircut is here?” Mick said sounding disgruntled and trying to hide the concern in his voice.

“Yes Mick, Ray’s here I promise” Felicity said over the comms trying to reassure the man.

“This place is creepy, I feel like I am in a Zombie movie” Nate said.

“Grey would like you to keep those opinions to yourself if you please” Firestorms voice answered back over the comms.

“Guys can we concentrate…um what’s Lex Corp I thought this was an old warehouse belonging to the Palmers” Amaya asked.

“Why do you ask?” Felicity said with curiosity in her voice.

“Just that this side of the building while half hidden by the bind weed has a Lex Corp logo on it” Amaya explained.

“She’s right, you push the weeds away and this building is clearly mark Lex Corp” Nate confirmed.

“Ok give me a moment, yeah it looks like this site was sold off to Lex Corp maybe 10 years ago, something about testing a new energy source. They found a new material and thought it could have properties that would lead to a new form of energy. Most of the info is encrypted, I’m trying to hack their servers. Yep no sorry I can’t find much else, they tried to install the energy source but it didn’t go to plan and instead this facility was shut down. They never made the energy break through that they wanted” Felicity explained.

“Who cares about some tech heads failed experiments, place is empty now and Haircut is here somewhere” Mick said with anger in his tone.

“Sorry Mick, thought it might give us some answers to why he came here” Amaya said trying to sound supportive.

“Yeah whatever, mystery solving later making sure that idiot isn’t doing something stupid now” Mick grumbled.

“Um guys ok don’t panic but the chip is well I’m not sure but its losing strength, no its fluctuating well maybe” Cisco began to say.

“What the hell you talking about” Mick said aggressively.

“Cisco do you still have its signal” Sara said and just as the words left her mouth twin beams of crimson shot through the wall of the warehouse cutting through it.

“Everyone down!” Sara shouted and she and Mick dropped to the ground to avoid being cut in two.

“Ok I think Ray is in there and we have to get to him before he slices one of us in half” Nate said with bit of panic in his voice.

“No it’s someone else with out of control eye lasers” Came firestorms annoyed voice, “Sara what’s the plan”.

“Guys I don’t want to overstep but I think I should go in and survey the scene” Barry said.

“No, let us do this ok, I promise if It goes south we will call for back up” Sara said and looked at Mick.

But before she could convince him otherwise the man sprinted round the building to where to destroyed door was and entered the building.

“Mick damn it!” Sara shouted after him and then had to duck as another blast of crimson shot out scorching the ground and destroying the wall she had been standing by. 

Mick entered the warehouse trying not to let the panic he felt take over, he wasn’t used to being this worried about someone and having no control. What he really wasn’t prepared for was the site that greeted him and that bad feeling in his gut being so thoroughly justified.

Mick felt a cold sweat creep over him and his heart beating faster. He set off at a run towards the screaming figure in the middle of the room. Ray was in pain and he was in distress and it was breaking Mick’s heart to see the man like this. Ray was sitting in the melted remains of what was once some kind of plastic walled room. He was kneeling on the floor that was cracked where he had clearly been beating his fists against the floor. Worse was that the floor was pooled with blood and as Mick got closer he saw the full extent of the damage.

“What the hell have you done to yourself Ray” Mick said but it didn’t come out angry or rage filled like he expected it to do, the words came out pained, full of hurt and regret. If only Mick had been faster, if only he hadn’t left Ray alone. He’d just started this new relationship and already he’d messed up, already he’d let Ray down and proved that he wasn’t good enough for the man.

Mick stepped closer not knowing what to tend to first, the angry red cuts that ran down the underside of one of Ray’s arms or the wound gushing blood at the base of Ray’s skull that had soaked through Rays shirt and stained his entire back red.

Mick saw the surgical tools glowing red but also stained red no doubt from Rays blood and his heart sank with the knowledge that Ray had done this to himself.

“Why Haircut?” Mick asked as he knelt next to his partner and tried to get the man to respond to his presence.

The rest of the team had arrived, he could hear the intakes of breath and the horrified words of Amaya and a shadow fall over him and Ray.

“We have to get him to med bay now, we have to stop the bleeding” Sara’s voice came cracked with emotion.

Mick put his hand over the wound on Ray’s neck hoping to hold the blood back and try and get Ray to relax. Ray looked at him with wide bloodshot eyes.

“I’m not weak, I’m fine, I’m fine, aren’t I?” he said looking at Mick and smiling, “I did it, I won’t be a burden, I can be a real hero now, please I am me right?” Ray said sounding confused and lost.

“You were never weak Haircut, why do you have to listen to all those cluesless people who tell you you’re not a hero without that damn suit, why do you let them get under your skin” Mick asked vaguely aware that Sara was talking on the comms and in a blur Barry had arrived with Caitlin.

“I’m tired Mick, I want to be a real hero, I don’t want to be the victim, I can be useful, you won’t have to worry about me anymore” Ray said still looking at Mick innocently and unaware that Caitlin was trying to wrap his cut arm. Caitlin gestured at the tools and Sara got to work packing them away.

“Haircut I don’t think I’ve ever been more worried about anyone in my life than I am right now about you” Mick said his voice a mixture of anger, sorrow and concern.

“But you won’t have to, I am gonna be strong” Ray said with that weird surreal smile still on his face and it made Mick uncomfortable.

“Even with all the powers I’m gonna worry about you, I’m your partner and don’t make me say it in front of everyone ok.” Mick said and some recognition came back to Ray’s eyes, they were a little less glassy.

“Mick what am I doing” Ray asked looking concerned.

“Being an idiot” Mick said but it was warm and he could see the turmoil of emotions on Rays face and he sighed, “but your my idiot so I’m gonna have to cope aren’t I”.

Ray started to get to his feet, swaying a bit and looked around to see his team and Team Flash looking at him with concern but also so ready to support him.

“Are you Mick, am I, am I worth it. I only make mistakes, I make the wrong choice and I put everyone in danger” Ray said his voice getting angry.

“No Ray, you’re an important part of this team, you think I could lead this well if I didn’t know I had you and your crazy plans to get us out of trouble. We all screw up Ray” Sara said sounding sure and strong.

“The fact that you put others first has always been your strength and what makes you a hero Ray” Amaya added and Nate nodded in agreement.

“I need to think, I need time alone!” Ray said miserably.

“Don’t you dare run Haircut, I’m the biggest fuck up on this team plus I’ve tried to kill members of Team Flash multiple times yet you still think I’m one of the good guys” Mick said with conviction.

“You’re stronger and smarter than people give your credit for and if someone puts their faith in you they realise how loyal you are and how you belong with the Legends” Ray said.

“And who do you think that someone was, who do you think got under my skin and made me do better” Mick continued and Ray looked at him eyes refocusing and suddenly looking very much back in the present. 

A smile crept over Ray’s face before he spoke again, “careful Mick or I’m really gonna start falling hard for you”.

“Oh Christ Haircut, this is not the time!” Mick said clearly embarrassed, “can we just get you back to med bay, or can you start healing yourself”.

“I think that’s a good idea, Ray don’t ever scare us like that ok, don’t ever think yourself less or that you’re not every bit the Legend we all know you are” Sara said offering Ray a shoulder to lean on.

“I’m sorry Sara” Ray said but Sara interrupted, “don’t apologise just promise me that we’ll have a long chat about whatever it is that’s going on in that head of yours”.

Ray nodded and welcomed both the physical and mental support Sara offered, even though he was starting to feel stronger again with the tools packed away he welcomed the assistance Sara offered and even more so when Mick came to his other side.

“Um Mick” Ray started but Mick shook his head.

“I should have stayed, should have known you’d watch those videos. I’m gonna make mistakes too Haircut but were in this together, don’t try and hide the pain from me ok” Mick finished as they walked back to the Waverider both teams filling in behind.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

The figure sat in his office not sure what he had just witnessed or what to make as his next move. For years he’d tried to find the answer to creating a power source but the Palmers had cut ties and were keeping all their data a closely guarded secret. The Palmers hadn’t wanted it getting back to people that their data and research had gone on to create some lucrative weapons for his parents. But no he wasn’t his parents either, he had wanted to create something for the benefit of mankind. He’d met Ray Palmer a few times and been impressed with his intelligence and ideas, Palmer Tech under him had gone on to research things far more in line with his own ideas.

But before he could approach Ray Palmer and offer to work together to create his revolutionary power source Ray had died. With that his link to the Palmer research and the opportunity to work with a genius that shared his vision of bettering mankind. Now he sat there looking confused, his quick mind racing with possible answers for the fact that it looked like Ray Palmer was very much alive and somehow involved with a large group of powered people. Not to mention that Ray had nearly burnt down one of his parents old warehouses with his own strange powers.

Lex grinned at the new opportunities that began to form with this new knowledge. He’d hadn’t expected this revelation at all, when his security had alerted him to a hacker he was mildly curious to why someone was looking up data on the old facility and what it had once been used for. But there hadn’t been much data to hack so they’d retreated and Lex had been curious. He’d turned back on the cameras inside the facility and while he hadn’t been able to get sound he had seen a grainy picture.

He’d seen Ray Palmer shoot beams of crimson from his eyes and then the arrival of White Canary, Firestorm, Vixen, Heatwave, and Steel according to their profiles. Then more to his shock the Flash had turned up along with a doctor called Caitlin Snow. Looking up Snow lead to the information that she worked for Star Labs which he long suspected had something to do with the development of so called Meta humans. It was all a fascinating mystery and one he definitely wanted to solve.  
Lex smiled to himself, his first clue was Star labs as he decided it was about time he made a trip to check out the Star lab museum and maybe just maybe find himself in the presence of one Ray Palmer.


	15. Chapter 14

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 14

By the time they had all arrived back at Star Labs Ray’s physical injuries had all healed, no one wanted to admit that the psychological damage from what he must have seen and been through may be a much longer healing process. It didn’t help that Ray himself was very much the type to hide any deep pain or negative emotions, he hide them under smiles and feigned innocence, he hide his pain by acting the happy fool. So the fact that the man was quiet the whole journey back and silently agreed to go get checked out in the lab was huge sign that he wasn’t ok.

Mick followed every step of the way not wanting to leave his partner and wanting to make sure everyone knew not to push the hurting man. Team Flash already wanted to run more scans on the chip as well as analyse the medical tools but Mick just wanted Ray away from it all. Mick didn’t want Ray exposed to anymore science experiments, to people talking about him like he was something to study or that he was a mystery to solve. He was just Ray, that’s all that mattered and Mick could tell that his partner was still shaken up but didn’t want to disappoint Team Flash and therefore agreed to have ‘a few tests run on him’.

Didn’t matter if these tests were gonna help him, Mick was done with people poking and prodding his partner and not letting the man have any peace. He was starting to lose the man he had feelings for to all this insanity, Ray was getting lost in his insecurities, his grief and his confusion. 

Once in the Star Lab med bay Mick noted how quickly Ray withdrew into himself, he flinched at every movement by Snow and Stein, only nodded his consent when asked questions and was rigid and tense as he lay there the scanner mapping out his brain. Ray didn’t want to be here, he now knew more about his childhood and another lab was the last place he should be, it would only serve to make him more afraid. 

Mick new full well that Ray would probably feel guilty or that he was letting Team Flash down if he didn’t sit for these scans, he was always the martyr and never put himself first. Mick saw the look of panic that flashed across his face as the brief case of tools was brought into the room and he gave Caitlin a disapproving look.

“Oi, frosty what are you planning on doing with that” he said in a low warning voice.

“Oh no nothing, was going to analyse the tools, see why they can cut Ray and If they’re related to the green mineral we have” Caitlin said but she sounded a little guilty realising how it might look.

“I’m not going take them out now, don’t worry Ray there for later” She finished but Ray didn’t look relieved.

“Don’t need to test em, they’re green at the end, that rock is green, the light in the vids is green. Don’t need to be a genius to know it’s all made of the same thing and that it makes Haircut weak. I suggest putting them somewhere far away.” Mick said letting a bit of anger creep into his voice as well as the disapprovement.

“I understand what you’re thinking Mr Rory but we should be able to use these to remove the chip if we can. I mean once we know a little more we can then preform a safer procedure on Dr Palmer” Stein started to explain.

“No!” Mick said sounding dangerous and not realising just how much he wanted Ray away from this place, the tools and anything that counted as a medical or scientific procedure.

“It’s ok Mick, they’re trying to help, I shouldn’t have tried to remove the chip myself and if they can put those tools to the correct use...” Ray started to say but he didn’t sound convinced and Mick could tell he was uncomfortable.

“Don’t care about no ‘correct use’, you weren’t in your right frame of mind and made a stupid decision. Isn’t the first time and won’t be the last but your mad if you think I’m gonna let anyone even team mates cut you up” Mick said and he stepped towards Ray offering up a hand, “let’s get out of here Haircut”.

“What a minute Mr Rory, we need to know if Dr Palmer did any more damage to the chip or himself.” Martin said sounding exasperated.

“No, were done here” Mick said shooting Martin a warning look before turning to Snow.

“You scanned Haircuts head and the chip right” Mick asked.

“Yep the new scans are finished but would like to...” Caitlin started but the look on Micks face made her reconsider.

“See professor, scans done you don’t need my partner here so we are leaving” Mick said and he felt reassured when Ray took the offered hand and got off the bed. For a tall man Ray was trying to make himself look small, to shrink away from everything and hide behind Mick. Mick was ok with this, if he could be a human shield for Ray he would, if it meant walking out with the man right now he would put himself between Ray and anyone who had other ideas.

“Dr Palmer, you just tried to push a needle into your own brain I can’t just let you walk out of here, do you have any idea what kind of damage you could have done, do you know what side effects there will be of further damage to the chip, do you have any idea how worried we all were” at the last part Martin sounded defeated and it was clear his concern, that he’d tried to hide, was obvious.

“I’m sorry Martin, I just lost my way. I don’t know what the right choices are at the moment” Ray said in a small voice his face low so he was just visible behind Mick.

“Take care of him Mr Rory ok, now get out of here ok and for the love of scot please stay out of med bays for all our sanity” Martin said and he smiled at Mick causing the gruff man to relax and nod back in understanding. Martin was scared too, was scared for his friend and worried about him.

Mick walked down the corridor still holding onto Rays hand and not planning to let go, he heard Martin and Caitlin argue but not the topic of said argument, probably the fact that Ray had just walked out of med bay after possible nearly killing himself. Mick entered the Cortex and was greeted by the questioning eyes of Felicity, Barry and Cisco. The Legends were on the Waverider agreeing to let Team Flash analyse the data and wanting to represent a space that Ray could return to that didn’t remind him of experiments and tests.

“Um guys, well should you be up and about Ray” Cisco asked looking concerned for his friend.

“Yeah I mean has Caitlin run the tests she needed, do you know the side effects. I mean we don’t know what further damage to the chip will be. Maybe you should wait a bit before leaving” Barry said.

“Were fine” Mick said gruffly not wanting to get into an argument with the scarlet speedster.

“I get that you want to look out for Ray and do what’s best for him but no offense Mick, you’re not a doctor or a scientist. Let us make sure he’s ok” Barry said and earning himself a full death glare.

“Haircut is right here, stop talking about him like he isn’t” Mick growled out.

“It’s ok Mick, they just want to make sure I don’t lose it again, or that I’m not a danger. This is their city, they have a duty to make sure nothing bad happens” Ray said trying to reassure Mick.

“I really don’t give a crap.” Mick spat out and looked at Ray, “Do you want to get out of here?” he asked with voice filled with concern and conveying that he wanted Ray to choose for himself.

Ray looked at the floor but squeezed Micks hand a little before saying in a small voice “Yes”.

“There, Haircut’s made his choice so were gonna get out of here” Mick said a little triumphantly and started to walk to the exit.

“Please Ray just think for moment, Barry’s right just give them a little more time to make sure you’re not suffering from any more damage” Felicity said and Mick felt Ray tense at the word damaged.

“I’m not damaged” Ray said in a small voice barely a whisper so that only Mick heard it.

“Come on Ray, isn’t it best to know for certain, everyone on Team Flash wants to help you, with their combined intellect here there is no way they won’t be able to cure you”

Felicity said and Mick felt Ray shake. Mick looked at Ray’s face and saw he was biting his lip trying to hold back whatever words he was about to say. A small bead of blood was forming on Ray’s lip.

“That’s enough your all idiots, you think cause I don’t have your IQ I can’t look after my partner. For all your knowledge you just don’t understand a thing about Ray and what he needs from his friends. I don’t care about damage, hell I’m the poster child for damage and Ray don’t need no cure, he aint sick so take your scientific curiosity, your need to run tests and shove them up your arse. I am taking my boyfriend on a damn date and if he accidently blows up your stupid city then I say it will be a date well worth remembering!”   
Mick shouted finally losing it with everyone.

Ray at this point had relaxed and stopped biting his lip, instead he was looking at Mick like he had just said something truly romantic. His eye’s shone with that adoration that made Mick feel warm but also a little afraid as he wasn’t used to the feeling. He wanted Ray to always look at him like that, like he was important, that he understood the man and was what Ray needed and wanted.

“You said boyfriend” Ray said in a small but lighter voice.

“Yeah well don’t get used to it, it just kinda slipped out” Mick said feeling embarrassed but also loving the goofy look on Rays face and the knowledge that it was just for him.  
Once out of Star Labs Mick clicked on his comms to talk to Sara,

“Hey so me and Haircut are heading out for a bit, don’t wait up ok” Mick said hoping Sara would just let it be.

“Ok, have fun and don’t do anything I would” Sara said and Mick was relieved that she got it.

“That wouldn’t leave us much to do but thanks and …” Mick started to say.

“The data drive is stored in the main office, Ray don’t feel any pressure to look at it, we won’t touch it unless you say so and if you want to talk we’re all here you don’t need to worry about returning to your room” Sara finished.

“Thanks Sara, really thanks” Ray said finally relaxing a genuine smile spreading on his face.

“So boyfriend where you taking me” Ray said a little teasing in his voice.

“Don’t make me regret what I said” Mick said back gruffly but glad Ray was returning to himself a little.

They walked in comfortable silence for a while until Mick finally started to speak.

“Ok so this place, it’s not gonna be some high end date spot but it is somewhere only a few people have ever been” Mick said leading Ray to an old industrial area.

“In fact only I, Len and Lisa ever came here but to us it was home. I never had a home to go back to and this was well this was kinda it for me, may not look much but...” Mick trailed off not really knowing the words to explain as he unlocked a door and lead Ray inside an old looking building and down a staircase that hadn’t seen activity in years.

Once inside it became apparent that the place hadn’t been touched in years but had once been very much lived in.

“This is one of yours and Lens hideouts isn’t it?” Ray asked looking a little awed, “Is it ok to bring me here, I mean this is somewhere special to you and Len I don’t want to intrude on those memories”.

“Stop being so proper Haircut, yeah this was our hideout and I spent more time here than anywhere else but Len would get it, he’d want me to make sure I took my new partner here. Len knew about this thing I have for you, he’d approve and well maybe it’s time for some new memories” Mick said and then taking in the look of joy and tenderness from Ray immediately grumbled out,

“Stop looking at me like that, you look like an idiot”.

Ray took in the space with its old but comfy looking sofa, a work bench and small kitchen area. The work area was littered with pieces of tech and various flammable liquids and canisters, the tools were left out and books and manuals where scattered about.

“I’m gonna head round the corner and grab some food and beer, make yourself at home” Mick said looking a little red in the face. Ray smiled at him and decided that it wasn’t the time for teasing Mick.

Ray explored the rooms a little more, off of the main room was a couple of bedrooms and it was clear to see which one was Micks with the empty beer bottles, punching bag and weights. There was another room that had a pile of charred debris in the centre and various scorch marks, some of the debris looked like it was done by extreme heat and others by extreme cold. Ray could tell what scorch marks were freeze damaged and what were heat damaged, this was a room Mick and Len had used to practice the capabilities of their weapons.

Everywhere were signs of the duos old life, rolls of bank schematics and detailed lists of things needed for heists. There was safe cracking equipment and devices for breaking into coded security along with notebooks detailing every security system imaginable. Unsurprisingly Ray found piles of match boxes and a couple of packets of playing cards. Near the sofa was an old TV and a pile of DVD’s, Ray spotted a copy of Ninja Scroll as well as Ninja’s vs Aliens and Ninja Assassin. Ray smiled knowing that Mick was letting him into a part of his life he kept people at arm’s length from, even more so since losing Len. Ray didn’t think Mick would ever let someone share a space that had been so connected to their lost friend but then he didn’t expect Mick to blurt out he was his boyfriend in front of Team Flash.

Ray decided that if Mick was bringing back food they probably needed a space to eat and went about clearing a large table that probably saw more heists planned on it than romantic dinners. Searching the kitchen revealed plates and cutlery as well as candles and Ray thought screw it, this was a date and you have candles on dates.

Ray looked at the table and realised that for the first time in ages he wasn’t being consumed by his thoughts of the past, his parents and whatever horrible secrets were locked up in his brain. For once he was here in the moment and it was exactly where he wanted to be. With this thought Mick came in carrying a large bag and a pack of beer. He looked at the set up and candles and rolled his eyes but didn’t say anything else. Instead putting everything on the table and pulling out a bottle from the bag.

“Don’t get too excited it’s not champagne or anything but it’s got bubbles and I know you like this stuff so stop looking at me like that and grab some glasses” Mick said putting the bottle of sparkling wine on the table and then pulling out containers of Chinese food. Ray suddenly realised he was starving and couldn’t wait to eat peering into the containers and his heart doing a little dance when he noticed among the beef and chicken dishes there were stir fried vegetables and glass noodles (something most people didn’t realise where wheat free).

“You gonna just stare at the food or can we eat Haircut” Mick said trying to look non plussed but clearly feeling proud that he’d done right when choosing the food.  
“Thanks Mick” Ray beamed and Mick tried to hide the blush from the beautiful smile Ray was giving him. 

Mick sat and Ray joined him as they dug into the food both men starving and happy to be eating. Mick had no idea what to say and was grateful for once that Ray had returned to his cheerful chatter and he could just nod along. Ray was asking about everything, how long this had been a hideout, which heists had been planned here, was there still stolen goods in the hideout and was this where Mick mastered the heatgun. Mick didn’t mind the questions glad that Ray was so interested in his life even if it was the criminal one and he felt good being able to boost about jobs well done.

Mick loved the attention he got from stories of old heists or times he’d accidently nearly burnt down the walls because he’d calibrated the heatgun wrong. Ray was genuinely interested and soon Mick was explaining how he and Len had outsmarted various security systems. This turned into a game where Mick would say a name of a security system and see if Ray could work out how to get around it, sometimes his solutions made rookie mistakes and sometimes he figured it out and Mick looked impressed.

“Looks like in another life you’d have made a good thief, probably done quite well on our team” Mick said with warmth and a little pride.

“I don’t know I quite like the life where you ended up making a good hero” Ray said and Mick nearly spat out his beer a blush creeping over his face.

“Really Haircut, your gonna go all mushy on me now” Mick said looking firmly at his empty plate.

“Well this is a date isn’t it?” Ray said a little sheepishly suddenly very interested in a mushroom on his own plate.

Both men suddenly felt awkward, it’s not like they hadn’t kissed or admitted they had feelings for each other but suddenly it was very apparent they were on a real date, acting like a real couple and having a great time. There was no emergency, no life or death, just the two of them together. It was Ray that broke the silence.

“Saw your DVD’s, does the TV work?” Ray asked and it gave Mick an excuse to get up and go check it out.

“Yeah, this place has its own generator, you wanna watch a film, not sure it’s the same after seeing real Ninja’s but still” Mick said popping in a DVD.

Ray picked up Mick’s beer and grabbed his own glass after re filling it to join the other man. They both sat on the sofa and Mick put his arm over Ray’s shoulder as they settled in for Ninja’s vs Aliens. The film was pretty stupid but then so were some of the missions they had been on. Sometimes these missions had ended rather poorly with them in more trouble than should have been and situations were impossible to predict. 

“You know it was tough, having to train Nate to destroy the Atom suit, everything I ever worked on gone, and everything that I was gone. I still worry about not being good enough for the team or having nothing to add” Ray said staring at the screen and Mick pulled him a little closer.

“I know Haircut, you let people get in your head, trigger those insecurities and put yourself in danger” Mick replied also looking ahead at the screen but not really concentrating on the movie.

“Can’t help myself, it’s like I have a death wish, that I’m only good enough if I’m willing to sacrifice myself” Ray continued.

“Yeah, a trait you shared with Len, I didn’t want to see you get killed, thought you were worth more than that but didn’t expect Len to take my place. But the bastard must have known, you were right about that part about him wanting us to be partners” Mick added.

“You really think I am something more Mick?” Ray asked sounding a little unsure.

“You really have to ask Haircut, yeah I teased you for losing your suit, calling you an idiot isn’t something new or something that’s gonna change. But I was worried, I let Amaya and Sara head off but didn’t want to join them until I knew you were gonna be ok” Mick explained.

“So they whole ‘wake me up when the action starts’ was a façade.” Ray asked.

“Yeah didn’t quite understand what I was feeling back then and denied it a lot but for some reason I had the overwhelming desire to look out for you and ever since all I do is worry about you” Mick said and there was raw honesty in his voice.

“I’m sorry Mick, I don’t know why I did it, I saw those videos and hated that I didn’t know about myself. I hated that I was weak and at the mercy of my own past and limitations. I needed answers but I also felt myself going numb and wanted to know if I could still feel pain” Ray said voice cracking with emotion.

“Don’t think I don’t see some of the ugly too Haircut. I know that whatever horrible pain you’re in is worse than physical pain and that sometimes it feels better to cause yourself pain than deal with your own thoughts” Mick said and he turned to look at Ray, “promise you’ll never hurt yourself on purpose again!”

“Mick that wasn’t what I was doing, oh god was it” Ray said and Mick saw fear in his partners eyes.

Mick then pulled his arm back and pulled off his shirt and vest with a very confused Ray staring at him. Ray’s eyes were wide and he could tell the man was trying to work out how this went from a serious conversation to Mick stripping.

“Look at me Ray, look at the scars you know what this level of burn does to someone” Mick said voice steady.

“Yeah it damages nerves and can lead to loss of feeling” Ray answered taking in the site of Mick topless. Despite the scaring that marred Mick’s body he was still muscular, well defined, strong and something made Ray want to trace the scars with his fingers.

Ray reached out and grew his fingers across Micks bare skin, he stroked across Micks wide chest and followed the pattern of tattoos he found before allowing his fingers to move down Micks arms tracing the burnt scared flesh.

“I know a lot about feeling numb about wanting, no craving the feeling that I only get when something is on fire. I chased that feeling and it cost me everything, people say I’m damaged both mentally and physically but if the same thing happened to you I don’t think I would cope” Mick said not used to being so open and so raw.

He was greeted with a look from Ray, a look of guilt but also sadness and something more.

“You’re not damaged Mick not to me, you are who you are and your someone I want to be with. I’m sorry I should have told you, I should have let you help me” Ray said a little unsteady but still not removing his hand from the gentle caress of Micks arm.

“You find yourself hurting you come to me, we work this out and I know a great distraction technique” Mick said and when Ray eyed him quizzically he leaned forward and kissed him.

Ray melted into the kiss hands firmly holding onto Micks shoulders as the other man pushed him back into the sofa. The kiss became hungry and Ray realised he was using a little too much strength to hold onto Mick instead finding Micks belt hoops to pull the man flat against him. Mick gave a hungry growl his own hands firm against Rays hips. Ray parted his legs so Mick could fit snuggly against him and soon Mick was pulling Rays shirt off him.

Mick looked at the man beneath him pulling up from the kiss to admire the view. Rays arms were still above his head from having his shirt pulled off and he had a slightly heated look in his eyes. Mick could take in that perfect unmarred torso, perfect skin stretched over toned muscle. Mick new that the man beneath him was who knew how many times stronger than he was and yet here he was pliant and willing, submissive to Mick when he had all the power. The thought was a turn on as he drew his hands down Rays arms and across his chest making sure catch his nipples and taking pleasure in the hitch in Rays voice before leaning down and capturing that pretty mouth in another kiss.

Mick slid his hands into Ray’s hair devouring another moan from the man as there arousals ground together through the fabric of their jeans. Rays hips bucked and pushed up into Micks causing him to growl and notice that Rays hands were not so innocently disappearing down the back of his jeans. Mick pulled apart from the kiss feeling desire tug at every inch of him but needed to make sure Ray wanted this as much as he did.

Mick didn’t have to worry Ray was looking at him hungrily and eyes full of lust before saying in a horse and desire stained voice,

“I think we should take this to the bedroom”.

Mick smiled at the man before answering, “Smartest thing you’ve said Haircut!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do I write the sex scene and add it as a seperate chapter?


	16. Chapter 14a

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok for those that want the smut I added a sex scene.

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 14a – The Sex Scene

They both stumbled into the bedroom trying to kick off their shoes and walk at the same time, in the end Ray gave a kick that sent his shoe flying and landing hard against a wall. If they both won’t so preoccupied with each other they may have looked to see why the sound of a shoe hitting a wall was so loud and made a cracking sound but they had better things to be doing. They were kissing again it was hungry and fun and wonderful, Ray loved the feel of Micks mouth against his, strong and confident tasting of beer and something uniquely Mick. Mick had deftly undone Ray’s trousers and had his hands down the back totally unashamed groping Ray and pulling the younger man against him.  
Ray let out a moan, both men were very turned on and he could feel their arousals hard against each other. Ray needed Mick more naked and he was failing dramatically to be as deft as Mick was with the other man’s belt. Ray could feel a little frustration at his fumbling too excited and nervous about what they were doing. And then came the very obvious sound of metal, leather and denim all being torn and Ray looked down to see the remains of Micks trousers in his hands.

Ray didn’t know to be mortified, impressed or worried about the lack of restraint in his strength and just stood their gaping at the ruin jeans. Mick though laughed, full and hearty like this was the funniest thing he had ever seen, standing there with his belt pretty much destroyed and the front of his jeans torn clean off. Ray blinked a few times and smiled shyly before shrugging to say “Opps don’t know my own strength” and looking apologetically at Mick.

“Damn Haircut, that’s a first! I mean you’re the first person I’ve taken to this bed but you didn’t have to get that excited you had to tear me out my clothes” Mick said still laughing.

Ray was about to responded with a quip when he realised what Mick said,

“Um, the first person you took to this bed?” Ray said a little trepidation in his voice.

“Yeah Haircut, I said after Len and Lisa you’re the only one I’ve taken back here. Len and Lisa were family wasn’t about to bed someone I thought of as a brother or sister. Nope you get the honours even if it means the destruction of my clothes” Mick said with humour.

Mick still laughing pulled off the ruined garment then stilled himself and looked Ray dead in the eye with a look of pure animal lust. Ray knew immediately that his little display of strength had been very much a turn on for Mick.

Mick gave a growl and then pulled off his underwear standing in front of Ray in full glorious and totally unashamed nakedness looking smug before pushed Ray back onto the bed. Ray landed with a small bounce and his heart was racing with excitement as Mick pulled off his trousers and pants in one motion and he too was now totally naked in front of him. Mick looked impressed taking the time to admire Ray’s body. Ray knew he took good care of himself and was appealing to look at but it was good to have such an approving gaze directed at him from someone he found equally attractive.

Micks body was of a big build, strong and powerful and even with the man being a bit shorted he commanded the space. Mick was looking at him possessively, like he wanted all of Ray and Ray wanted to give Mick everything he wanted. There was a flash of fear in the back of his mind and Ray made a mental note to try and not use too much strength, maybe later with more control but for now he wanted Mick. Ray shuffled back onto the bed allowing Mick the room to climb onto the bed and up Rays waiting form. Instinctively like on the sofa Ray spread his legs so that Mick could fit between them and then dive down to return to kissing.

Now naked and pressed together everything was more arousing, he could feel Micks flesh against him hot and flushed, he could feel Micks arousal hard and firm against his own and it made him shiver in delight. Ray kissed back just as hard as he felt Mick grip his hair and moan into his mouth. Then Mick took one of his hands and reached between the two men to grip both their erections in strong calloused fingers. The pressure made Ray moan and throw his head back as Mick stroked them together slow and steady.

Hard flesh rubbed against hard flesh and Ray heard Mick growl low before Mick began to swipe his thumb over the head of Rays cock and he let out another whimpering moan. He felt the tip go sticky and wet with precum which only added to the sensitivity as Rays fist grabbed handfuls of bed in pleasure. The room smelt of arousal and Ray felt his sensitivity and arousal grow combined with the pleading noises he was making. Mick had been working on Ray’s collar bone sucking on the flesh their when he looked up and gave the man another searing kiss.

Mick pulled back resting on his knees and letting go of both their arousals and Ray was slightly embarrassed by the disappointed noise he made but Mick looked pleased. Mick leaned forward taking the bud of Ray’s nipple into his mouth. At first he sucked lightly and then gently held the increasingly sensitive nipple in his teeth pulling slightly and causing Ray to whimper in delight. Mick looked pleased and repeated this with the other nipple until both were erect and pink so that Ray let out a little squeak when he flicked his thumbs across them.

Ray knew he was wearing a pleading look that was mixed with desire but Mick wanted to draw this out and bring Ray all the pleasure he deserved. Mick’s confident hands stroked down Rays thighs kneading them until he reached underneath and pushed Ray’s legs up and towards him. Ray felt exposed but soon this feeling was replaced with more desire and Mick ghosted his lips over Ray’s arousal and Ray felt warm breath on his balls. Such a simple feeling but so much pleasure, the knowledge of how intimate this was, how unashamed of their bodies they were and how much they both wanted each other. Mick’s hands came lower to massage Ray’s checks and pull them apart slightly to expose the tight hole of Ray’s entrance.

Ray inhaled a little and Mick looked up at him waiting for Ray to give a signal that he was still ok, that this was still ok and that he could continue. Ray’s heart melted a little more, even in the throes of so much passion and desire Mick still took a moment to make sure Ray was ready and comfortable. Ray nodded, he’d never trusted anyone more in this moment, not just because the sex was good, so very good but because the intimacy was there, the need to make sure the other was safe and equally turned on. Ray soon let out the breath he was holding as he felt Micks tongue trace a line over his entrance.

Ray knew he was making some very needy and aroused noises now as Micks tongue circled his entrance testing it. Mick blew into the puckered hole and watched it quiver and Ray knew to hold his legs open for Mick. Mick was now massaging Ray’s cheeks reassuringly before pushing more at Ray’s entrance. Mick was equally turned on and painfully hard but had decided to take his time and wanted Ray to feel good.

Ray was beautiful in bed flushed and writhing at all of his ministrations, instinctively knowing how to hold or move himself to give Mick the access he needed to give Ray the pleasure he wanted the man to feel. Mick loved the taste of Rays flesh and the light moans mixed with needy mews that Ray made. Rays hair was a mess, his skin tinged pink and his body so responsive to Micks ministrations. Mick wanted to devour him, wanted to leave greedy marks all over him and most of all he wanted to hear Ray scream his name out in pleasure.

Mick needed more of this beautiful man as he pushed his tongue further in to the pleasing tones of Rays blissed out voice. He took one of his hands to again pump Ray’s arousal and squeezed out the precum swiping his thumb over the head of Rays cock and collecting the sticky substance on his fingers. Ray was sounding more and more wanton and finally Mick pulled back to again admire the writhing man that had chosen to share this experience with him.

Mick new this wouldn’t be the last time they had sex but for the first time it was better than he would have imagined. Here was a man purring with delight from Micks mere touch and Mick realised that not only did he want to devour this man but he wanted this man to know how beautiful and perfect he was. Ray was looking at him with adoration and lust, a silent plea to not stop and a smirk of delight as Mick looked at him with equal lust and pride.

“Damn your hot Haircut” Mick growled out his voice heavy with lust and before Ray could respond he stroked a cum slicked digit against Rays moist entrance causing the man to moan loudly. Yep this man beneath him deserved pleasure and joy and Mick was gonna give him that.

Mick teased Rays entrance with his fingers delighting in the little noises his partner made and when he thought Ray was suitably turned on he pushed one finger inside slowly. He felt Ray tense a bit and try and control his breathing while he slowly pushed in and out not going too deep so that Ray could adjust to the sensation. When he felt the man relax he pushed further in making sure to go slow before he started to move his finger in small circles. Mick was so painfully turned on by the little mewing noises Ray was making as he curled his finger and stroked deep inside Ray to find his prostate. Ray gave a shudder and let out a moan while practically pushing himself off the bed and up onto Micks fingers.  
“Relax Ray, let me come to you, you just enjoy” Mick said enjoying the sight of Ray grasping at the bed sheets as his body reacted to Micks ministrations.

Ray had never felt anything like this, it wasn’t like he was a prude in bed but no one had taken the time or attention to do this with him. The extra sensitivity and the glorious tingle he felt when his prostate was stroked almost made him cum right then. He was aware that Mick called his name and was trying to keep him relaxed as he tried to calm and enjoy the feeling. It felt so good and then he felt the burn as a second figure pushed in.

Ray tensed again like before but he had trust in Mick and was grateful for his Kryptonian DNA as there was not the pain he knew came with being stretched. Ray though definitely got the pleasure as he felt Micks fingers scissor him open and stretch him. He felt his body relax and open up. He had lost the ability to hold his legs open for Mick, too lost in the pleasure but had settled them on Micks broad shoulders so he could go back to gripping the bed sheets. While one of Micks hands was working on opening him up the other now went back to stroking Ray’s arousal in time with probing and stretching action of Micks fingers.

Soon Mick had put three fingers in and Ray didn’t think he was going to last much longer as he finally found his voice again and said, “Please Mick”.

That was the sign Mick was waiting for as the man let go of Ray’s arousal, bent down for another heated kiss and then removed his fingers from Ray’s entrance. Mick then positioned himself and Ray felt every slow move as Mick pushed his own arousal into Ray’s entrance. Ray felt every inch by glorious inch as Micks cock pushed past the muscle ring and began to fill Ray. Ray moaned and he heard Mick do the same. He also heard Mick curse and some of the words were lost in Micks, “Damn you feel good Haircut”.

Ray himself had totally lost the ability to talk only moans and whimpers left his throat as Mick pulled back and started a slow thrust into him. Mick’s hands were on Ray’s hips holding him firmly and Ray kept his legs on Micks shoulders as he grabbed at sheets and pushed his hips up to meet Micks thrusts. Mick took the hint that Ray was ready for more and started to increase his pace. Ray moaned hard at the sensation of Micks thick cock pushing in and out of him as the man pulled him further towards him to get a better angle. The thrusts came deeper and soon that spot deep inside was being hit and Ray craned his neck back and shouted out Micks name.

Mick couldn’t believe how good this felt Ray was hot and wet and hungry, his body tight and the strong pressure on his cock made him want to lose control and thrust into the man with wild abandonment. He was gripping Ray’s hips tightly and could feel Ray’s wonderful legs holding him in place. He could feel Rays strength come through and thought that he didn’t care one bit if Ray lost control with his strength he’d be happy right now. Ray was managing to keep that inhuman strength mostly in check but he definitely had enough strength to hold Mick in place with his legs and this made Mick even more turned on.

Mick pulled Ray closer so he could change the angle and thrust deeper wanting Ray to know just how much pleasure he was feeling and then he hit Ray’s prostate and out of Ray’s beautiful mouth came the cry of Micks names. Mick couldn’t ever remember a time when someone had screamed his name with such pure lust and pleasure. Mick couldn’t hold it together anymore he let instinct take over as he thrust hard and deep. He pulled out nearly all the way to the tip and pushed back in both men feeling the pure pleasure of the situation and Mick felt Ray’s body tense, he was very close.

Mick felt Ray clench hard around his cock and then the look of shock, awe, pleasure and joy as Ray climaxed. Ray came hard up his chest arching on the bed and calling Micks name. Seeing Ray climax with abandonment, his heavy breathing and blissed out look, married with the sensation of clenching around his arousal soon sent Mick into his own climax. Mick came hard and with a plethora of curse words and Ray’s name. Mick realised that Ray had loosened his grip with his legs and was able to pull out of the blissed out man but both of them were panting hard, flushed and sweaty.

Ray looked obscene his skin covered in a thin layer of sweat, his hair messy and damp and his face red with pleasure not to mention his cum stained chest and Micks own seed leaking from his puckered hole. Mick would have been turned on all over again if he wasn’t so thoroughly sated.

“Jesus Haircut you should see yourself” Mick said hoarsely and still breathing hard.

Ray looked at him his eyes a little glossy before replying,

“Your one to talk”.

Ray looked at the very attractive and almost beast like form of Mick above him, he was sweating and flushed, his eyes looking like a predator and his arousal still proud. Mick then looked around and grabbed something from the floor. Ray realised that Mick had grabbed his T-shirt and was wiping Ray clean. Ray assumed that Mick had spare clothes here so using his shirt was probably not a problem. There was a tenderness to the way Mick cleaned him and Ray watched intently at the show of intimacy and the concentration on Micks face.

Mick then threw the shirt and flopped down on the bed next to Ray looking smug and content. Ray didn’t need to say anything he just rolled onto his side and Mick made room for him to rest his head on his chest and place his hand there too. Both men felt tired and blissed out, satisfied and safe and happy. Mick had one hand resting on Rays back pulling him a little closer so that Ray threw a leg over Mick. Neither needed words as they drifted off to sleep and Ray was almost certain that he felt Mick brush his hand over his face.


	17. Chapter 15

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 15

When Ray finally woke he felt well rested and comfortable, he hadn’t slept that well in a long time nor had the sense of protection he now felt. While Micks room was cramped with stuff it still had enough room for a double bed that was pushed into the corner of the room, so both men had enough room to sleep. The sense of comfort and protection came from the fact that Mick Rory was currently sleeping peacefully looking relaxed and at peace but with his arm thrown over Ray. Despite being a couple of inches taller than the other man Ray was happy to play little spoon and feel safe and secure as he smiled into his pillow. Ray enjoyed the thought that despite clearly turning over in his sleep Mick had followed him and was still holding onto him. Mick was still sound asleep but Ray was content to let the man stay so and just go through the memory of that night

Ray was very aware that he was going a very bright shade of red just thinking about it and the fact that he was very much naked in bed with an equally naked Mick. He’d let himself go and be fully in the moment with Mick but it hadn’t just been about sex there was something else there to and for the first time in ages Ray felt that he was starting a relationship with someone that didn’t think he was their second choice. Ray had been nervous when he first started crushing on Mick because of the others man close friendship with Len.

Ray had never been sure if Mick and Len had ever been more than partners or partners in the way Ray and Mick were heading but Mick had confirmed he and Len had been like brothers not lovers. Even so Len had been first in Micks heart and Ray didn’t know if he could share that space and was doomed to fall for people that were only with him until their number ones returned to him. He didn’t need to worry as apparently Len had worked out about their mutual feelings long before either of them had and had been supportive the relationship. Mick was very much in this full force and while he had some fears about what it meant to be in a relationship and how to do right by Ray that only proved that he was making Ray a priority.

“Haircut, I can hear you thinking” Mick said in a low tone, voice still thick with sleep.

“Sorry Mick, go back to sleep” Ray said trying to relax and enjoy the feeling of Mick’s strong warm body pressed against him.

“Nah, I’m waking up and don’t know about you but after last night I’m starving” Mick said in a knowing tone the hand slung across Ray going to rest on his hip and squeezing. Ray let out a soft breath as Mick pressed his mouth to Ray’s shoulder and sucks on the flesh there.

“It really is a shame you heal quite so fast” Mick said with a little bit of disappointment, “all those lovely marks are gone already”.

Mick used the hand on Ray’s hip to encourage the other man to roll over and face him. Mick was propped up on one elbow and he dragged his eyes over Ray’s chest looking wistful at the site of already healed marks.

“Oh well guess I’ll try harder next time” he said with a smirk and a glint of mischief in his eye that made Ray go even more red.

“Mick, um well…you know” Ray said but really didn’t have the words.

“What’s the matter Haircut someone stole your tongue” Mick said looking smug.

“More like someone stole my h…” Ray said before realising what he was about to say and getting a rising sense of panic.

“Was about to tell you not to start with the mushy crap but I get the feeling that is something I’m gonna have to get used to” Mick said with an understanding Ray had only ever wished for.

Instead of saying anything Ray just lunged forward and captured Micks lips in a kiss, it was lazy and comfortable more about expressing appreciation than need. When they broke apart again Ray didn’t really know what to say or do, he was happy his head filled with memories of him and Mick and everything else had just faded away.

“Come on Haircut since your full of energy you can help make breakfast” Mick said as he rolled away and got out of bed not showing a single sign of shame that he was completely naked and on full show. 

Ray wish he had the same confidence as he sat up and edged towards the side of the bed to look for his clothes. He felt the red of his cheeks burn as Mick watched him not even hiding the approving look and the pleasure he was taking in Rays form.

“Um Mick do you mind….um do you think you can spot my pants” Ray said tripping over his words and fighting the growing embarrassment, he had no idea why he was acting like this, suddenly shy of his body especially after last night.

“Haircut relax” Mick said, “Look don’t expect me to be all mushy and full of compliments but damn it here goes” Mick continued now looking embarrassed.

“You’re hot!” Mick blurted out and the fact that now Mick was looking a little more embarrassed made Ray feel like he wasn’t the only one just realising he was naked in front of the object of his desire. Ray smiled full grinned at Mick and got up out of the bed.

“So you like what you see Mick” He said feeling a little more confident.

“That is a stupid question even for you” Mick said grinning back, “Don’t get any funny ideas Haircut unlike you I don’t have a healing factor or an alien libido so as much as I want to jump your bones, I need breakfast!” Mick said but he was looking at Ray with hunger.

“Your hot too Mick so I think it’s best if you find your clothes quickly and I’m not sure my alien physiology has anything to do with what I’m thinking right now” Ray said looking more confident and was pleased to see the laugh that escaped Mick.

“Yeah well tell that to my pants” Mick said holding up the destroyed remains of a belt and trousers.

Ray suddenly remembered that in a fit of passion and the need to remove Micks pants he had forgotten about his strength and torn through the belt, its buckle snapping into pieces and pretty much ripped Micks jeans in two. At the time the two men had just looked at the now dead piece of clothing and Mick had growled pushing Ray towards the bed where Ray had gone very willingly.

“I’m sorry I got caught up in the moment” Ray said trying to look apologetic but secretly feeling a little proud of himself.

“Good thing this is my old place and I have spare cloths” Mick replied getting himself something out of the cupboard in the corner.

“I wouldn’t look so smug, I’m not the one that has to go back to the Waverider with one shoe!” Mick said pulling on an old pair of jeans and taking great pleasure at the look of realisation on Ray’s face.

Ray looked at the wall just above a bench press and grimaced a bit at the large dent and small cracks before his eyes trailed to the ground and the remains of one of his shoes. He had let go a little too much and kicked the shoes off with such force it had flown across the room colliding with the wall and pretty much been destroyed on impact.

“Mick you gotta lend me some boots!” Ray said in horror.

“No way Haircut, this is priceless” Mick said smirking and now fully dressed as he put on a clean t-shirt.

“I can’t go back with one shoe, what if someone notices, how do I explain that!” Ray said with alarm.

“It was lost to a fit of passion, Blondie is gonna get a kick out of that” Mick said now coming to stand in front of a still very naked Ray.

“Now as much as I appreciated the idea of you naked in my kitchen” Mick said trailing a hand down Ray’s chest and the man suddenly realising his own state started blushing before going to find his strewn clothes. Mick headed to the kitchen to make breakfast and Ray was close behind him. They cooked in a comfortable silence that weird domestic charm feeling natural only with Ray looking a little indignant at his lack of shoes.

It was when it came to plate up that Ray’s annoyance at the lack of footwear had changed to a look of concentration and contemplation, his forehead was beginning to crease with worry.

“Spit it out Haircut” Mick said knowing the signs of when Ray wanted to ask something but needed that extra prompt to admit it.

“Nothing well just, I kinda wasn’t in control of myself totally last night, I got caught up in the excitement the desire the…” Ray looked a little red again and then pulled himself back together, “Just if I tore your clothes and well clearly the destroyed shoe and dented wall is proof I forgot to hold back my strength... are you ok?” Ray asked.

Mick looked at Ray, he knew this would come, Ray wasn’t the type to let his own wants and feelings hurt someone else, he put others first and always wanted the safety of those close to him at all cost.

“I’m fine Haircut, never better” He said but Ray still looked worried.

“You let me take the lead, subconsciously you were worried about me getting hurt and even in the heat of the moment you put my needs first.” Mick said as he plated up the food and put it on the table. 

“But I could have done serious damage Mick, I could have hurt you, what about the next time?” Ray said as he grabbed Mick’s arm and looked at him earnestly before adding, “If there is a next time”.

“God you think too much Ray, you also talk too much and say the most stupid things!” Mick said but before Ray could protest he was pulled into a hug.

“If you think there won’t be a next time after last night, but it’s not just because the sex was damn good, you hear me it’s also because of this shit, this stupid having breakfast with you kind of crap. Now can we stop making me talk about my feelings so I can eat” Mick said letting go of Ray and sitting down to devour his breakfast.

Ray’s heart was souring at Mick’s confession as he too sat at the table and started on his breakfast smiling around every mouthful. Ray decided then that maybe knowing all the answers to his past and having his memories back was not a priority. Making new memories was proving far more fun and emotionally rewarding but he did need to control his strength and his other powers. That was his priority, not just so that he could be a better Legends and be more useful to the team, Mick was right he had to stop dwelling on that, no he had to control his powers so he didn’t hurt the person he loved.

Ray suddenly stopped eating and went still, did he just think that, was he in love! It was far too soon, he had come to terms with the crush, the attraction and desire but also the security he felt with Mick. He had realised that he wanted to protect the man but also support him and make sure Mick got the respect he deserved. Ray had been lost in his own self-doubt, insecurity and willingness to die to save his team mates and in particular Mick but did that mean he was in love. It made sense after all he tended to fall fast and hard.  
Yep Ray was realising for the first time that sacrificing himself wasn’t what he wanted to do, no he wanted to have the strength and control to live for Mick so he didn’t cause the man pain or have to be separated from him. Oh yep there was no denying it Ray was in love but it gave him a sense of renewed purpose, if he wanted to be a better man for Mick he first had to learn to appreciate himself and the man he wanted to be.

“Mick we need to go back to Star Labs” Ray said with determination and he watched the wary expression on Micks face.

“I know you trust me but we still don’t know the extent of these powers and if there is even a slim chance that I could hurt you I have a duty to do everything to make sure that doesn’t happen” Ray said watching Micks face turn to understanding and the brief flicker of disappointment.

“I want to be with you like this but can’t hide from what’s happening to me. I need to be stronger than that, I need to learn and understand and stop being afraid” Ray said looking at Mick with a dopy grin knowing he sounded a little cliché.

“You gotta do you, I get it” Mick said meeting Rays eyes and looking equally determined, “You wouldn’t be you without the drive to understand and better yourself and I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t have my partners back”.

“Thanks Mick, I think it’s time to train!” Ray said a little excitement in his voice.

“If anyone does anything I don’t like though I will punch them, just to make that clear” Mick said standing up and clearing the table.

“You gotta do you” Ray mirrored causing Mick to snort.

“Come on Shoeless, let’s get you back for your training montage” Mick said heading for the door.

“Um Mick, not sure I’m up for that pet name” Ray said following the other man.

“Sorry Belt Splitter” Mick said his voice full of amusement. “Or maybe Jean Ripper”.

“Again not feeling it” Ray continued sounding slightly horrified.

Mick turned to look at him, “Maybe bedhead” he said with a smirk running his hand through Ray’s hair that was looking very much like you’d expect after a night of passion. Mick grinned further at the blush on Ray’s face, teasing him was gonna be even more fun now. 

“Ok maybe I could grab a shower before we head back?” Ray stammered and Mick decided to stop the teasing, a shower was probably a good idea for both of them. It was also a good thing that the hideouts shower was definitely not big enough for two grown men because Mick wasn’t sure he’d be able to resist Ray naked and wet.

Mick went about clearing his kitchen until Ray was cleaned and fully dressed down to the pair of old boots he’d left for Ray to put on. Ray entered the kitchen looking fresh and his hair a lot neater. Mick felt a weird warm tingly feeling on the site of the other man wearing his boots before he took his turn to clean up. Soon both men were ready to go and the hideout was back to looking un-lived in, Mick felt a tinge of disappointment that he had to leave already but knew it was important to Ray to go and face reality. They’d have time for this later and Mick couldn’t believe how much he was enjoying the idea of it. Both men headed out and back to Star Labs feeling a lot better than they had in a long time.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

“Do you have any idea where they went or when they’ll be back” Barry said sounding exasperated.

“Hey if those two went off for some quality time I am not going to be the one that interrupts them” Sara said sounding a little defensive.

“Look I get their going through a lot and I know how hard it is to start a relationship when you’re also dealing with powers and threats beyond your control” Barry went on before Sara interrupted,

“So you know it’s important that they find time for themselves and not get lost in how crazy this all is”.

Barry was quiet for a moment but he was determined and not letting this go.

“Sara I know you want to protect Ray but we both know that there is someone uniquely qualified to help him with his powers. Cisco will be back soon and I really think Ray needs to talk to Kara we can’t risk him losing control” He really wanted her to see his point and know he only wanted the best for his friend.

“I know that Barry but you haven’t been the one travelling with Ray and seen what he’s gone through and what he’s sacrificed, he deserves some happiness and a bit of normal. He’s Ray Palmer he won’t be distracted for long he will do the right thing and return ready to do anything to make sure he isn’t a danger and can be the best he is for his team, for his friends and for Mick” Sara explained hoping that she in turn would get Barry to understand where she is coming from.

“Honestly your both right and none of us can even imagine what he’s going through. He’s one of my best mates and in a space of 24 hours I find he’s been tortured, experimented on, an alien and dating Mick Rory! Not sure which I find more disturbing” Felicity said the last bit coming out as a whisper.

“Felicity I can assure you that Ray and Mick makes a hell of a lot more sense than anything we’ve found out about Ray recently” Sara said again feeling defensive of her team mates.

“The truth is we’ve come about as far as we can on the data we found, we still don’t know what to do about the chip but we can help Ray learn about his powers and Kara is our best shot” Barry said.

Sara hated that he was right but as much as she was the leader of the Legends she was feeling at a loss on how to help her friend and the guilt was beginning to get to her. The truth was that Barry was friends with a fully powered Kryptonian and she was Ray’s best hope of understanding himself and what he could do. 

“I know your right Barry but it’s hard for me to admit that, I’m kinda useless right now when it comes to helping Ray and seem to only be able to go into mother hen mood” Sara said sounding a little defeated.

The two team leaders looked at each other, there was mutual respect and understanding but it didn’t make it any easier for Sara to hand the reigns over to Barry and Team flash. They were both in the Star Labs cortex, the rest of the Legends back on the Waverider trying to make themselves useful but all aware that the truth was for things like this Ray was their go to guy. You had weird tech or alien technology you went to Ray, wanted something analysed, fixed or made you got Ray, he was the brains for a lot of their missions and had the skills to solve problems from biological to computerise. Team Flash had its own scientists and thinkers most of who were working on the chip apart from Cisco who was currently breaching over to Earth 38 to fill Team Supergirl in.

Sara sighed and looked at Barry,

“I’m just frustrated I can’t do anything for him and so is most of the team, we’re not used to feeling this useless and after everything Ray does for us it’s awful to let him down” Sara said feeling sad and despondent.

“Don’t you start Blondie, I’ve got my hands full with this one’s fragile ego!” Came the gruff voice of Mick as the two team leaders turned to face the arrival of Mick and Ray.

“Sara you’ve never let me down, I’m pretty sure you’ve got me out of a fair few messes that were probably my own making. Besides I know despite that you always have confidence in me” Ray said smiling and Sara noticed how relaxed he looked.

She couldn’t help smile at the two men, their little escape from reality had clearly allowed them to move forward in their relationship and brought them both some much needed comfort and stability. It was then that Sara clocked Ray wearing Micks boots and broke out into a huge grin. Mick saw her grinning and gave her a look of ‘give it your best shot’.

“I see you guys have found the meaning of ‘knocking boots’” Sara said looking very pleased with herself. Ray immediately looked down at his feet turning red and Mick just smiled knowingly.

“You should have seen what he did to my pants” Mick said with confidence earning him a startled “Mick” from Ray.

“Oh god I do not want to know this” Barry said look embarrassed and trying to look at anything but Ray and Mick.

Felicity made a startled little sound also looking pink but unable to take her eyes off the two men. She tried to look affronted but secretly she wanted to know more.

“Ok guys I didn’t come here to discuss my sex life but Sara how did you even know, I mean who pays that much attention to someone’s shoes” Ray said a mixture of impressed and annoyed.

“Oh Ray, I’m a trained assassin, I miss nothing and you never know what secrets a pair of boots can give away” Sara said with a smirk.

“Did warn you Haircut, knew Sara would work it out and it made no difference if you came here in my boots, shoeless or just wearing the one remaining shoe” Mick said smugly.

“I am almost afraid to ask but what happened to the other shoe?” Felicity said curiosity getting the better of her.

Before anyone could reply whether to explain the mystery of the lost shoe and in Barry’s case to beg them to keep it a mystery until he could leave, a breach opened in the Cortex. Soon the familiar form of Cisco Ramon appeared followed by the sight of one Supergirl.

Kara gently floated down her red boots touching down on the floor of the cortex as she looked at Ray a mixture of sorrow and amazement on her face. Cisco had clearly filled her in and she looked like her heart went out to Ray but also there was an excited energy around her. Her face split into a smile and she addressed Ray directly,

“So I’ve heard I have another cousin!” Kara said voice full of warmth and reassurance.

Ray looked shocked for some reason not expecting this reaction from the girl of steel. While yes he was Kryptonian there was nothing to say they were related but if you thought about it if he was this earths Superman, and there was that nagging resemblance between Kara and his own cousin this made them, parallel earth cousins. Suddenly Ray felt a wave of joy, he wanted to cry, he had lost so much recently but worse of all he hadn’t just learnt about the loss of his true parents he had already started to realise that the Palmers had never been parents or his brother wasn’t really his brother.

Ray had lost his family and the pain of that revelation started to creep in but then in the space of a few hours he’d realised he was in love with Mick who had no plans to leave his side anytime soon and then this, this revelation that he still had family. As if sensing Ray was heading for an emotional breakdown Mick’s arm was around his waist and he said quietly, “I got you Haircut, remember to breathe”.

“I hadn’t thought of that” Ray said in a voice raw with emotion looking at Kara with awe.

“Yeah well I figured we must be what, parallel earth cousins, I’m not sure there’s a term for it yet but hey I’m making it a thing” Kara said coming to stand in front of Ray and smiling reassuringly.

“Yeah it’s a thing” Ray said and he felt Mick loosen his grip and give him a gently nudge forward. At the same moment Kara said,

“I’m so sorry you had to go through so much alone but I will do everything I can ok” and then she put her arms around him and hugged him tight. 

It took everything for Ray not to cry but he was done with tears he was ready to learn what he could do and have Kara teach him about being Kryptonian. They both pulled back both smiling and Kara turned to Barry and Sara.

“Hi Barry, Hi Sara, Hi Felicity sorry wasn’t ignoring you just not every day you find out you have a long lost cousin” Kara said cheerfully before turning back to Ray and looking at Mick.

“So um guess you’re…um, hi Mick um...” Kara tried to get the words out and Mick looked at her with amusement.

“Yeah don’t worry wasn’t expecting you to call I figured it was your over dramatic saviour complex and all round good guy routine that I found attractive and well seems I was distracting myself from what I really wanted” Mick said matter of factly and looking like he wanted to make sure Kara was more comfortable around him.

“Yeah displacement I get that, coming on to someone else because you’re worried about the one you really like rejecting you. I have to admit that your far more self-aware than I gave you credit for, thought you were more of a …no that’s not what I meant, sorry it’s not that I think your… well I see or well I heard that um” Kara lost the train of thought and was trying to not talk herself any further down the hole she was digging. 

“You two really are related, the way you stutter when you can just be straight with someone” Mick said,

“I don’t really care much what others think of me but you think you can help Haircut then I’m all for it but if you get him hurt then I’m not gonna be too thrilled. He’s an idiot and a pain in my arse but I will burn anyone to a crisp if they hurt him” Mick finished and Kara was left feeling a little like she was being warned and a little like she really did underestimate this man and what Ray meant to him.

“Thanks Mick” Ray said then looking at Kara, “Mick’s a good guy, the best really even if he doesn’t like people to know that but before he starts giving the ‘shut up you sappy idiot’ stare I feel we have a lot to catch up on”

“That we do Ray and the first thing I’m gonna ask is the hard part” Kara said returning to a more professional and determined composure.

“The copy of the data drive you have, can we have it sent to our Earth. We have been around alien technology and most importantly Kryptonian tech as well as the mineral itself for a long time, we may have methods and knowledge for dealing with your chip” Kara explained and Ray felt the colour drain a little from his face.

Ray knew that this was a good idea but part of him didn’t want more people to see those files, to see his childhood, he didn’t want more people to pity him when he was trying to be a better person and stronger person.

“I know it’s a hard request Ray but it could really help, my friends will respect any wishes you have and only those that need to know will see it, please let them help you too” Kara said wanting to put Ray’s mind at ease and seeing him turn rigid and fearful, the battle of emotions plain in his face.

Kara also noticed the way that as Ray’s emotions changed so did Micks body language, he would immediately make sure he was close when Ray started to become distressed. This was a man that knew Ray well, he knew him enough to know when his mood was gonna change and to make sure Ray felt his presence if he needed him. Kara also had the benefit of super hearing and even though his face didn’t betray anything she heard Micks pulse increase indicating the concern he felt for Ray. She really had underestimated this man, who clearly had strong feelings for Ray.

“Ok, do what must be done, I’ll get someone to bring the data drive maybe having it far away will help me move past it” Ray said reluctantly but knowing it was the right choice.

“Thanks Ray and now for the next part, time to figure out how much strength you have and to learn to control it” Kara said sensing she needed to shift the mood in a more positive direction.

Sara too, sensing the mood needed to be lightened couldn’t help herself and replied with,

“Apparently enough strength to destroy Micks pants!”

Kara went red and so did Ray which wasn’t helped by Felicity adding,

“And apparently there was some kind of mishap with a shoe”.

“Oh God guys can we not go here again please” Ray said looking a little scandalised having these details just dropped in front of Kara. He noticed that Mick was about to reply when he said,

“Mick please” using his big puppy dog eyes and looking imploringly at his boyfriend. He could tell it took a lot of effort for Mick to not reply.

“Fair enough Haircut won’t kiss and tell in front of the family not unless they ask” he said with a smirk and Ray look relieved.

“Thank god I was ready to make a quick exit” Barry said and got himself a glare from Mick.

“You’re saying there is something unappealing about what me and Haircut get up to in our spare time” Mick growled out.

“No! No not at all Mick, just …. You wouldn’t want to hear about me and Iris!” Barry said beginning to feel embarrassed.

“Your vanilla sex life, definitely not” Mick said looking triumphant.

“Ok I for one want to know about none of my friends sex lives so how about we go back to the topic of Ray and his super powers” Cisco said looking imploring at the room. 

Kara looked a little startled, remembering that Team Legends had a different sense of humour to Team Flash but then saw Ray hiding his face in his hands blushing bright red.

“Right Ray first things first! We can train in that old aeroplane hangar we all meet up in last time and I for one think it would be a good idea to fly there” Kara said taking control of the situation.

“Actually apart from once I’ve not managed the flying thing again” Ray said sounding disappointed.

“Well then we have out starting point. Everyone else can meet us there and we can catch up on route as I am sure you have a million questions about Krypton” Kara added and strode towards the exit of Star Labs.

Ray turned to Mick and wasn’t sure what to say before blurting out without really taking any breathes,

“I gotta go, I gotta do this but will do us too, not forgetting us. Lastnightwasamazing and wewilldoitagainsoon but…”

“Shut up and go Haircut!” Mick said with a smile and watched as his boyfriend sprinted after Kara full of excitement and hopeful energy.


	18. Chapter 16

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 16

Mick was left in the cortex with the nerd squad who were chatting about things he really had no interest in. It’s not that he didn’t understand some of it, one of the things you start to pick up when you spend your free time with Ray Palmer is some technobabble and he could recognise some of the words and what they meant but the rest was just noise. It said a lot that if Ray had been talking he would have made an effort to understand what he was explaining. Mostly he knew they were discussing the chip and trying to find ways of talking about the things on the data drive without Mick realising.

It hadn’t worked he didn’t need to understand what they were saying to recognise people speaking in a way that was trying to cover up their true purpose or stand around looking uncomfortable and guilty. He knew Team Flash were all trying to help and he couldn’t begrudge them that, Ray’s ex looks particularly heartbroken she couldn’t do more for Ray and was determined to find out anything that could help him. Mick couldn’t hold that against her and truthfully he was feeling the pressure and uneasiness that he couldn’t do more and couldn’t help Ray.

Mick kept telling himself that it didn’t matter that he couldn’t help Ray in the way they all could and wanted to offer Ray something just as important and maybe more so. He offered Ray a place where he could escape and relax, he offered support and comfort. Mick would make sure Ray kept his humanity and his nerdy optimistic personality and he was gonna make damn sure Ray talked about his fears and insecurities. Mick was there for Ray, the one sure thing while everything else was out of control and Mick knew that despite the combined IQ of the room he was the one that was keeping Ray from cracking or getting hurt further.

Didn’t stop him having a bit of fun with the nerd squad by giving them cold looks that made them switch topics as they purposely tried not to make him angry. Cisco had decided it was a great time to vibe over to Kara’s earth and give them the data to avoid any more angry glares. They were doing everything to not talk about Ray in too clinical a manner to not offend Mick and to not bring up the videos or experiments and Mick enjoyed watching them squirm. Sara had left not long after Ray to go fill in the rest of the Legends and Mick had said he be along soon, she’d smiled knowingly and told him not to torture team Flash to much before making her exit.

By the time Team Flash were discussing which of Kara’s powers Ray was likely to have and Barry made the mistake of saying from what I read on the files all of them apart from ice breath, never saw a mention of that one, before he blanched and saw Mick give him a death glare, Cisco was returning from his vibe to Kara’s Earth. Mick felt he’d tortured them enough, the best people for the job had everything on hand and he just had to wait for one of these super nerds to come up with answers. While he still wasn’t sure on whether it would be good for Ray to get back all those traumatic memories he did hope that they’d find a way to stop his headaches for good and give Ray some assurance’s on the limits of his powers and how to control them.

Mick gave them all another good hard stare before turning to leave and return to the Waverider. As he was leaving he heard Harry, he thinks that his name, saying,

“On a completely different note we appear to have been emailed by Lex Corp. Well by Lex Luthor himself”.

“OMG! Harry what does it say, is this to do with the fact that Ray was found in an old Lex Corp warehouse, oh god does he know how would he know, could he know, I mean he is one of the world’s leading researchers and scientists, his firms a global staple for tech innovation” Cisco started saying with both awe and panic.

“Calm down Cisco, there’s no way he could know, what does the email say?” Barry said sounding equally awed but trying not to sound worried.

“He was looking at projects to fund and areas of new innovation he feels deserve a second chance when he heard about the Star Labs Museum. He wants to plan a visit and hopes we can show him around the particle accelerator.” Harry said but a hint of suspicion in his voice.

“Thank god, it’s a coincidence but OMG imagine Lex Luthor interested in the particle accelerator!” Cisco said with excitement.

“I don’t know it’s a rather big coincidence, why now suddenly?” Harry continued.

“Harry has a point and while any other time this would be a dream come true the timing is questionable” Barry added trying to hide his disappointment.

“Yeah ok I get that but you can’t exactly say no to Lex Corp, your meant to be the head of Star Labs kinda doesn’t look good for business if your turning down potential investors” Cisco explained.

“Ok reply with a yes but we need to make sure that there is nothing for him to find and be extra vigilante, either he knows something or he doesn’t we can’t take any risks!” Barry replied.

Mick was curious about this so he made a mental note to fill Sara in and ask Gideon about this Lex Luthor guy and if there was any potential that he could be considered a threat. Even he didn’t like the timing of this visit but it wasn’t his call. Mick made his way back to the Waverider thoughts soon going to Ray and how he would be doing in his training. He had no doubt that the team would want to head over and see for themselves and offer any support they could so he was pleased that Team Flash had their own problems to deal with and they could worry about Ray.

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Ray had definitely mastered the art of leaping buildings in a single bound but was getting a little frustrated that that was all he could do while Kara floated effortlessly along.

“Ray the more you think about it the more your gonna stress yourself and that’s not gonna help you fly” Kara said reassuringly.

By this time they were standing on the roof of the old aeroplane hanger they’d used as a base when the Dominators had invaded he was feeling annoyed with himself. Kara had come to stand by him and continued to speak,

“You know if someone had told me when I was a kid that one day I would have been flying I would have never believed them, being here on Earth changed my life in so many ways. I pretty much kept discovering my powers by accident or by doing dumb things because I was young and not really thinking” she explained.

“So you’re saying I’m overthinking things, well you wouldn’t be the first it’s a personality flaw. I’m still holding back some of my thoughts for fear of triggering a seizure, they tend to not end well for anyone around me” Ray said sounding disappointed.

“Well Ray now your with the one person where that won’t be a problem, there’s nothing you can throw at me that I won’t be able to handle” Kara said with a smile and Ray smiled back realising she was right and he didn’t have to worry about hurting the Girl of Steel.

“Yeah that’s true, there is just so much I don’t know or don’t know if I want to know, I have questions about everything and I know you can tell me so much but not sure where to start.” Ray explained honestly feeling bad he was so distracted.

Kara started to walk along the roof and Ray paced alongside her as she said,

“Well let’s start at the beginning!”

Ray lost count of the laps up and down the roof they walked as Kara explained how she had been sent to look after baby Kal-el but unfortunately her escape pod got stuck in the Phantom Zone so she arrived later to earth and Kal-el was living his life as Clark and Superman. She then had to find her own place in the world and decide on her own destiny taking up the mantel of Supergirl. Ray had so many questions and Kara patiently answered them all from what Krypton was like, how she’d adjusted to life on Earth and what it felt like to discover her powers.

“You know Ray you should come over to my Earth and I’ll take you to the Fortress of Solitude. You’d be able to see all the files that Kal-el got to see that helped him understand who he was but I think it would be good for you to see what your birth parents were like and how they felt about you” Kara said she looked at Ray warmly.

Ray’s heart soared, not only was it amazing to hear about Kara’s life but there was more to discover and somewhere to discover it. The bit that finally made him feel tears in the corner of his eyes was knowing that there was a way to hear from his birth parents, by the way Kara was looking at him he knew they must have cared about him, and maybe even loved him and that made him feel light and free.

“Ray look down” Kara said in a warm voice and he did just that.

He hadn’t noticed at all but he looked down to not see a roof but just the clear drop to the ground. Ray was standing in mid-air just standing there, at some point they must have just casually walked off the roof while talking and he’d been so engrossed he hadn’t realised, he’d not been thinking about trying to fly just wanting to listen and learn. Ray’s face cracked into a large grin that he was sure was now mirrored on Kara’s face, Mick was gonna love this he thought and then Kara started to fly backwards.

“So what next?” He asked looking excitedly at her.

“Well next you catch up to me so you can ask your next question” Kara said the joy apparent in her voice.

“Well I think I need to know everything about this Fortress of Solitude, I mean it sounds pretty lonely but also where did it come from, what’s it made of, who made it, where is it”

Ray asked excitedly each question being fired rapidly as he gained on Kara gliding through the air effortlessly.

But soon he was flying faster and the wind was streaking faster and faster and all questions died on his tongue, he was flying and he felt amazing. He heard Kara laugh as she dived mid-air next to him and he followed soon the two of them were flying full pelt through the clouds and for a nerdy moment Ray though ‘this is so how Harry Potter must have felt when he first flew a broomstick’. He made a mental note on who to tell that comparison to and then how to explain this feeling to those that wouldn’t get the reference. He’d flown so often with the Atom suit but it had protected him from the force of the wind, the rushing sound of it past his ears and it would never feel as natural as this.

Being Ray Palmer he was already thinking of ways to stream line the suit to compensate for his now natural ability to fly. He was brought back from his thoughts by Kara shouting at him that the Waverider was arriving and that they should go make a grand entrance. He nodded at her and soon they were swopping past it to float outside the bridge window to wave at the Legends sitting in their seats and looking at him with wonder and joy.

Ray felt proud, not only had he achieved flight but his team looked at him with pride, they were happy for him and he felt the little flutter in his stomach as Mick looked at him with a smirk and he could tell the man was thinking he looked hot. The Waverider landed and the Legends disembarked waiting patiently for Ray to descend. He landed with ease in front of them grinning madly watching their impressed expressions.

“Yep that’s hot, thanks skirt” Came the deep but approving voice of Mick and Ray blushed.

“That was all him” Kara said, “But now that I have you guys hear I think it’s time for some team training”.

“Oh hells yes, I have to know who is faster Ray or me and Grey as Firestorm!” Jax said excitedly, “Come on professor you know we have to do this”.

“Indeed Jefferson, I believe you have a fair point” Martin replied.

“Good and it will be a good test to see how invulnerable you are Ray and how to dodge projectiles mid-flight” Kara said sounding nearly as excited as Jax and judging by the look of pure joy on Ray’s face he was more than happy for the next training exercise.

Kara took off first so she could “referee” and keep an eye on Ray as Firestorm formed and shot into the air. Ray gave Mick a dopey grin clearly wanting to impress his boyfriend before lifting off effortlessly and gliding up into the air to be side by side with firestorm. Kara counted to 10 and the two legends shot off with Kara just behind them. This was how the rest of the day continued, Firestorm soon realising that even at top speed Ray was indeed faster, they’d stared off on even ground but the more they flew the more Rays speed increased. Once they added the blasts though Ray found it hard to fly well and dodge the incoming projectiles Firestorm threw his way.

Firestorm had made sure to tone down the force and intensity of his flames just in case and the first few Ray had been unable to dodge. Luckily Ray was a quick learner and also had experience dodging weapons that had been fired at him when in the Atom suit. Once he’d put it together the storm of projectiles from Firestorm became easier to dodge and Jax feeling a little competition rise in him had stopped holding back. It wasn’t until Martin shouted in his head that he was throwing full powered balls of fire at Ray that he suddenly blanched. Ray unaware of the deadly ball of flame hurtling towards him barely got out of the way and on reflex use his arm to swat the ball of flames away.

Firstly the ball was sent crashing down onto the ground and everyone just stared at the scorched earth and secondly Ray and in particular his arm looked totally unfazed by the experience.

“Um Ray did that not hurt, I uh kinda forgot to hold back there” Firestorm said sounding a little guilty.

“Wait what, um no just felt a bit warm” Ray said looking confused and then grinning, “You want to try again, I won’t dodge this time make it easy for you”.

“Don’t you dare Jefferson?” Martin exclaimed.

“Sorry Grey, our man Ray just threw down a challenge and we got to protect our pride” Firestorm said as he readied another blast of energy and flame.

Soon the projectile was heading straight for Ray as he floated there looking smug. It hit him square on the chest and both legends looked completely shocked. Apart from now a hole in Ray’s t-shirt where the fabric had been burnt away Ray was totally undamaged.

“Sorry Firestorm but was pretty sure that Ray has the same invulnerability as me and Kal-el, there’s nothing much out there that can damage us” Kara said looking proud.

“Damn it, ok re match I need to get some force behind my next shot” Firestorm said sounding determined.

“Actually think it’s time for a break, even Kryptonians need to eat” Kara said with a smile.

Ray hadn’t realised how hungry he was until she had said it and while Firestorm looked disappointed he agreed with her, it was time for food. The three of them headed back to the aeroplane hangar to inform the rest of the team that it was time for food and fill them in on Ray’s training. Ray felt more confident in himself then he had in a while, the knowledge that he was near in vulnerable was going to save his neck and also stop his team and Mick worrying about him. As he started to land, he vaguely remembered that it wasn’t the first time someone had used the word invulnerable to describe him but he couldn’t place who. Then the familiar sting began to course through his head.

Ray landed a little harshly and he could feel the colour drain from his face, he kept thinking please no not now. He was disappointed, he was so sure he’d damaged the chip in that stupid attempt to rid himself of it but apparently not enough to stop it functioning. He heard the excited voices of his team mates coming to congratulate him but he couldn’t focus.

“Damn it Haircut look at me” Ray heard Mick say and the happy voices around him died out.

“I’m ok Mick I’m still here, still in control” Ray said out but could tell his voice was strained. He felt Micks hand come to rest over his and he realised he’d placed his own hands on either side of his head.

“Just breath ok, let the memory die, you don’t need it” Mick said and Ray could tell the man was angry, not at him though, no Mick was angry that his memories were still causing him pain.

“Ray concentrate on flying, what it felt like, how it made you feel” Kara said her voice concerned and he tried his best.

“We’ve tried everything, there isn’t a substance, a temperature or tool that harms him when he’s been exposed to the suns radiation, he’s invulnerable”

Ray recognised the Palmer’s voices and he hated them, he hated not just what they did but that they tainted words. He had felt so proud, so strong and positive when faced with the knowledge he couldn’t be harmed but then they had to go and ruin it by being the ones that were the first to tell him that, the pain was eating through his brain, he wanted to scream to lash out. He could feel a presence in front of him, it was probably one of the them and more than anything he wanted to push them away. He started to lower his arms he was going to push them away he wasn’t going to just let them stand there and gloat at their discovery.

“Mick, please let me step in. I know it’s hard to see him like this but you’re gonna get hurt if you don’t back off, let me take over” Ray heard a woman say.

“Skirt I don’t give a shit about getting hurt, I’m not leaving Haircut when he needs me” came a gruff voiced tinged with emotion.

“I know you care about him but think what he’ll feel if he hurts you” came the voice.

Who was he going to hurt, surely he didn’t care if he hurt the Palmers didn’t they deserve it. But the presence did something he didn’t expect something the Palmers would never do. Suddenly Ray was being held tightly in an embrace, he was being hugged, he felt a firm hand on his lower back that felt comforting and strong while another hand rested on the back of his head. He was being protected, he didn’t need to fight this presence, he wanted to be strong for them but also yes, he wanted to never hurt this person.

“Mick?” Ray asked hoping that he was indeed in the arms of his boyfriend.

“Yeah Haircut I got you” Mick said reassuringly and Ray relaxed returning the embrace and just holding onto Mick.

Ray heard the sighs of relief around him and Kara’s voice thanking her gods before he pulled back and looked at Mick then his team,

“Sorry to scare you, but I’m good, crisis averted” he tried to sound jovial but could see the concerned looks as he went back to look at Mick. He was pleased to see the man smirk at him,

“No sweat, knew you’d get back in control come let’s eat” Mick said before ushering Ray towards the Waverider so they can eat.

Ray was grateful for Mick’s attitude and utter faith in him but it still left him worried. What happens the next time a memory came back and Mick wasn’t around to bring him back? This was clearly on Kara’s mind as he overheard her say the same thing to Sara along with something about taking Ray to her Earth. Ray didn’t really hear the end of the conversation as he entered the Waverider still feeling concerned that no matter how much he trained he was still a risk to his team and anyone who might get too close if he lost control.


	19. Chapter 17

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 17

Lex had spent days looked up in his office barely sleeping and demanding that no one interrupts him. He had a mystery to solve and wasn’t going to be disturbed until he had solid leads and maybe some evidence. Various computer screens flash data on Palmer Tech and the contracts it had once had with Lex Corp, then there was the report on Ray Palmers death, Star Labs and the possible identities of the people he had seen with Ray on the CCTV footage. He had made sure that he was the only person who had seen this footage and once he’d made a copy deleted all records of it, he didn’t want anyone else potentially beating him to the answers. He wanted to be the one to find Ray and hopefully get an answer to the energy source he’d been trying to develop for years. The various files scattered on his desk were all pieces to the puzzle.

It didn’t take a genius to work out that the particle accelerator that went out of control at Star Labs a few years back was connected to the appearance of what was being coined Meta Humans. All of those who had these strange powers emanated from Central City and he’d put money on whoever was under The Flashes cowl was also a Meta and somehow related to Star Labs but that was a mystery for another day. He had his visit to the labs confirmed and tomorrow would be setting off for himself.

He looked of the profiles and bits of information he’d put together, Team Flash and Team Arrow had worked together with a number of other costumed heroes to face the alien threat a year ago. Lex Corp had tried to sweep up any tech they could from the incident but the masks had done a pretty good clean up job and the tech was very alien, he’d been having a hard time deciphering any of it. But thanks to the reporting on the incident the profiles of White Canary, Firestorm, Vixen, Steel and Heatwave were out there to find plus others Heroes that went as The Atom and Supergirl. Lex had managed to identify some of them but others still remained a mystery.

The identity of Firestorm was a total mystery as were The Atom, Citizen Steel and Supergirl but there was definitely a similarity in Supergirl and the eye beams she sent out and what he had seen Ray do in the warehouse. Luckily some of these Heroes didn’t wear masks and someone with his resources was able to find out who they were. White Canary was one Sara Lance who was apparently dead, Vixen was one Mari Macabe but the women he had seen on the fottage didn’t look like the person he’d seen plus it was said she was in Detroit. Heatwave was the codename for a con called Mick Rory, who most definitely didn’t come across as a hero but there he had been but it was said that he was missing or in hiding as he’d not been seen in Central City.

So out of the people he’d seen enter the warehouse two were presumed dead or missing, one wasn’t quite right, one worked for Star Labs and the others must be Meta’s. Did this mean he had been witness to Ray using a Meta power, if so it looked like this was a very new development as he didn’t have control over said power? It was a distinct possibility that Ray Palmer’s death like Sara Lance’s was not the whole truth. Considering the people he was with it wasn’t hard to think that he was part of the team and since Lex was pretty sure Ray wasn’t Supergirl unless his Meta power was to chance into an all-powerful woman, but then considering what else was out there was that a stretch. No it was possible Ray was under one of the remaining cowls. This meant there was a possibility that Ray was either Firestorm, Citizen Steel or The Atom and that somehow he’d got himself another Meta power which was causing him a lot of distress. 

If Lex was going to put money on it them Ray was under the Atom suit, the man was a genius billionaire inventor and creating his own super suit seemed in line with what Lex new of the man. More than anything he wanted to find the man, not only to get a chance to work together with a fellow genius that could have the answers and knowledge he needed to complete his energy break through but maybe he could help the man. Lex had resources and money that he could use to help Ray with whatever was going out of control for him and in return maybe Ray would help him. Lex would offer up a fair deal that could benefit both of them so they could both continue working to help protect the world they live in.   
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Back on board the Waverider Sara had insisted that Ray go get checkout by Gideon in the med bay and while he’d insisted he was ok he agreed, a little of the fear creeping back into his eyes that Sara recognised as his fear of being a danger to any of them. Mick went with him and her heart skipped for them and the place they seem to have found, she was happy and so glad that they had finally worked out their feelings. Now more than ever Ray needed to feel safe, cared for and appreciated and Mick was definitely showing some very good boyfriend skills. It was testimony to how far he’d come and to how much he care for Ray.

On the opposite end though Sara felt her heart sink a little whenever Ray looked like he shouldn’t be around them or that he might be dangerous, she knew the idea of hurting them and especially Mick would be eating him up and that Ray was desperate to be a functioning and needed member of the team. She was beginning to get impatient on sorting this chip situation, her friend was hurting and all she could do was wait around for news.

“Um Sara you have a moment?” Came the gentle voice of Kara who walked up to her looking concerned.

“Yeah sure, what’s up?” Sara replied.

“About what I said before, about Ray coming to my Earth. It’s not that I don’t think your team is doing everything they can and after what I saw he’s definitely with the right people that care about him but it’s just well my team has more experience with all things Kryptonian” Kara was looking a little guilty as she spoke.

“Kara its ok believe me, me and my team have been called a lot of things and we brush it off. But I also know your right and that asking to send Ray to you isn’t about our failings it’s about doing what’s best for Ray” Sara said reassuringly, she knew this conversation was coming.

“Thanks Sara. On my Earth we have two Kryptonians, plus more access to our tech, years of research and data on our powers and biology. Me and my cousin would also be able to share our experiences and knowledge including recordings done by my Aunt and Uncle that we have” Kara said more confidently now she knew she wasn’t stepping on anyone’s toes.

Sara’s eyes widened with recognition before she answered,

“Wait if you have those recordings that means while not his parents from this earth that well…” Sara said a look of hope on her face at the knowledge that Ray may be able to find some peace.

“Yeah Kal-el our Earths Superman’s parents and therefore Ray’s parents” Sara said fondly.

“Have you told him?” Sara replied to the news.

“Yeah and I think it would help centre him, give him something positive to concentrate on out of all this new discoveries about himself to be able to hear and see them for himself” Kara said smiling.

“Ok yes for Ray’s sake and not just because you’re more equipped to deal with this whole thing on your earth but that it would give Ray some light I think we should arrange a little cross earth trip. Once we get the all clear from Gideon I’ll talk to him, not that I think he’s gonna turn down this offer and you know Mick is gonna come to, no way he’s leaving Ray’s side” Sara said smiling and a feeling of happiness spreading through her that at last something was going positively for Ray now that he’d found out he was Kryptonian.

“Yeah I figured that where Ray goes so does Mick, Mick is gonna be an acquired taste in the DEO but not gonna stand in the way of that romance” Kara said looking amused.

“Just make sure there’s some beers on hand” Sara said with a smirk.

“Oh I have the just the place to take them” Kara said wearing her own smirk before saying, “We better let Barry know the plan too”

Sara nodded and connected to Star Labs to confirm with Barry that tomorrow they would most likely need Cisco to vibe Ray, Mick and Kara back to her Earth.

“Guys a little hitch with that plan but could you hold off for a day or two, we have a potential investor coming for a tour of the Star Labs Museum tomorrow and well probably best you guys remain out of sight” Barry said and as if hearing the exasperation in Sara’s voice added, “I know timing sucks but Lex Luthor is a very influential man in research and development and would be an asset to Star Labs as a working business we can’t just turn him down. It’s only a day please guys” Barry said a little pleading in his voice.

Sara was about to reluctantly reply when she felt Kara tense beside her and looked to see anger fill those usually positive eyes. Before Sara could ask what was wrong Kara spoke up,

“Barry I know it’s a different Earth but promise you’ll be careful, there’s no guarantee he’s the same man here as on my Earth but if there is even a chance you have to cancel the visit or get him as far away from Star Labs as possible.” Kara said anxiety and worry in her voice as she clenched his fists.

“Kara why, what do you know about Lex Luthor?” Barry asked over the comms sounding concerned.

“On my Earth he’s a villain, he’s dangerous and mad. In fact he is Kal-el’s mortal enemy and tried to kill him multiple times. I suggest we keep Ray as far away from him as possible Lex Luthor wants nothing more than to see my cousin dead and that is not something I want to risk happening here” Kara said and Sara was surprised by the hate she heard in her voice.

“Kara I promise we will take every precaution, we have no evidence to say this Lex is anything like your Lex in fact Lex Corp here is one of the leading companies in environmentally friendly renewable energy. But if he is the man you say he is then we have the upper hand and can see if he holds a potential threat before sending him packing. I swear we will be extra vigilant Kara” Barry explained and while Sara could tell Kara was not fond of this she began to relax.

“Ok Barry I’m leaving this to you but report back to me everything he says and does and I’ll be there in a heartbeat if you need me” Kara replied before ending her conversation with Barry and turning her attention to Sara.

“Looks like we have to wait before we can go to my Earth but at least I can be on hand in case Lex tries anything funny and I’m serious we can’t let Ray anywhere near him unless we know for certain that this Lex isn’t a threat” Kara said with conviction and a determined attitude and Sara nodded in agreement.

Sara was so done with people and things outside her control threatening her friend and if Ray was in danger she wanted him far away from it. But really when were these hurdles gonna stop, when were problems gonna stop being thrown their way and threats to Ray. 

“Hey Gideon how’s Ray” Sara asked suddenly very much wanting him to be ok.

“He can answer for himself Miss Lance” Gideon said cheerfully.

“Hiya Sara, all good I think we dodged that one. Gonna head to mess and grab some food I am beyond hungry” Rays upbeat voice rang out on the comms and Sara felt a lot better. Trust Ray to sound happy and cheerful when things were still so uncertain it was his blessing and curse sometimes but for now Sara was glad her friend sounded happy and in good spirits as she encouraged Kara to head with her to the mess.

Once there she wasn’t surprised to see Mick sitting feet on the table with a beer as Ray was serving the two of them the largest burgers she’d seen. She smirked at them saying,

“So looks like Ray is a feeder, they do say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”.

Amaya and Nate were smirking too and Ray went pink, Jax was looking at Ray with amusement clearly happy for the man but not above the light teasing. Martin was looking at the coupe fondly but choosing not to add to the teasing. 

“Now Blondie don’t be jealous” Mick said with a smirk clearly not bothered by everyone knowing that he and Ray were a thing now.

Sara went and replicated herself and Kara a far more reasonable sized burger and went to join the rest. It was nice whenever they all ate together and it had been a little while since they’d had a “family dinner” all around the table. Kara looked about feeling the shared comradery and how relaxed they all felt in each other’s presence.

“So Ray should we be toasting you and Mick, I mean I hear congratulations are in order on your knew relationship” Jax said smirking.

“Jefferson leave them alone I am sure they don’t need a fanfare just because their a couple now” Martin said looking at the other half of Firestorm indignantly.

“Hey how come we didn’t get a toast when we got together” Nate said sounding hurt but still smirking.

“Guy’s I really don’t need a toast” Ray added.

“Oh come Ray we can have a double celebration, a coming out party both because of being an alien and because…..” Sara started to say before Martin interrupted.

“Miss lance!”

“Oh come on Grey, the will they won’t they been killing us for months!” Jax added before, “Sorry Nate but you and Amaya are cute but you got it on pretty quick, this was in the making before you guys even joined the crew”.

“I don’t know about that, I mean we didn’t get on a first. Really you guys discussed will they won’t they for us” Ray said still blushing and clearly trying to puzzle out the information and getting more flustered.

“Don’t fret Haircut, if the team want to toast me popping you cherry then I am more than happy to share the story” Mick said looking smug as Ray went beet red.

“Oh Damn Mick come on man that I don’t need to know!” Jax exclaimed and suddenly became very interested in his meal.

“Mick you didn’t pop my cherry, you make me sound like a blushing virgin, I mean we had sex for the first time but it’s not like I’ve never had sex before.” Ray said matter of factly trying to recover from his embarrassment.

“Bet you never had sex like that before” Mick said looking at Ray meaningfully.

“Mick this is killing me, please give details” Sara said but was soon shot down by the chorus of no’s from around the table, with the exception of Amaya. Kara was grateful she really didn’t know these guys well enough to be discussing their sex lives over dinner. 

“Um as the guest when did you guys realise you liked each other” Kara asked feeling embarrassed by the fact she sounding so innocent compared to those around her.

Ray looked at Mick and there was a reassuring look that had a mixture of happiness and sadness in it.

“I think when we lost Len, Mick tried to save my life but Len took his place. After I tried to work out why Len would do that unless he wanted me and Mick to be partners, unless he wanted me and Mick to look out for each other and I realised more than anything I wanted to be that strength for Mick and just felt like I wanted to be around him” Ray said and it was honest and beautiful. Mick looked at him then and the whole team was shocked to see his checks turn pink.

“Mick Rory blushing I never thought I’d see the day” Sara said but it came out more in wonder than as the tease it was meant to.

“Shut it Blondie, Haircut is just a sap and I need more beer” Mick said heading to the replicator trying not to make eye contact with his team mates.

“Come on Mick you didn’t say when you realised you liked Ray” Amaya asked looking both curious but warm.

“None of yer business!” Mick said gruffly trying to hide his embarrassment.

“If I had to guess it was at the Gulag when Ray took a beating for him, I was there, I saw the look that he gave Ray, the look that said no one had done something like that for him.

Then Mick was the one that carried Ray out to safety not wanting to leave the man behind, am I write Mr Rory” Martin added to the conversation. Mick was giving all his attention to the fabricator and refusing to look back towards the rest of the team.

“Your right Grey that makes a lot of sense, I thought something had happened when we all reunited to go after Savage that last time, I mean they did arrive together” Jax added to the conversation.

“I had gone to find Mick and offer to be partners but as I said it was because I didn’t want to leave him alone with his grief and thought Len would have wanted me to” Ray said smiling.

“I wish I’d been around that first year, I knew something was up with the way Mick talked to Nate especially when he insulted him in the new suit, classic jealousy” Amaya added following up with “I knew for certain when Mick wanted to go back for Ray in Camelot, it was a very sweet gesture”.

“Nothing sweet about it, as I said Haircut is a pain in my arse but wasn’t going to leave him behind” Mick said mumbling and yet somehow hadn’t replicated a beer just staring at the fabricator.

“Come on Mick no need to be embarrassed, it was gonna happen sooner or later. I wish I had made more of an effort to put you guys under the mistletoe at Christmas after seeing you make kissy faces at the rat Ray gave you” Sara said.

“I wasn’t making kissy faces, your all mad and stupid” Mick said finally getting a beer and stomping back to the table and sitting down hard his face still tinged pink.

“I’m glad you liked the gift Mick” Ray said smiling at him innocently, “but I was kinda sad that those kisses went to Axel and not me”.

“Yeah well you get plenty of kisses now so shut up Haircut and you lot can all shut up to” Mick said angrily but it was slowly disappearing under the big brown eyes of Ray looking at him with such care and appreciation.

“You guys really are a family aren’t you?” came Kara’s voice, she’d stayed out of the teasing but now that there was a natural pause made herself known.

“Of course, I don’t know where I’d be without these guys. No one else cared when they thought I was dead but these guys put up with me and actively try to stop me putting myself in harm’s way” Ray said beaming at Kara.

“Nothing to put up with Ray, you are you and as your Captain it’s my job to keep you safe but as your friend I don’t not what we’d do if we lost you” Sara said and the Legends just looked at her nodding in agreement.

“I have a friend on my earth, J’onn, he says family is who you choose. He lost his tragically and sometimes I don’t know how he deals but he is like a father to me and my sister and I think when you have friends as close as family life isn’t so bad, it’s not so lonely being the last daughter of Krypton” Kara said and she smiled at them, this weird little group that clearly loved each other.

“Will I get to meet this friend when I come to your Earth?” Ray asked and Kara notice Mick stiffen a little.

“Yes but how did you know” Kara replied.

“I heard you mention it to Sara and also after talking to you about your cousins parents and their message, I know technically their not my parents but it’s the closest thing and well I’d like to hear them, see them, just feel a little more connected to the people that wanted me safe” Ray said and a little sadness crept into his voice. Mick’s natural desire to protect Ray brought him back from the sulk and he put his hand over Rays.

“Yeah as soon as your ready we can head to my Earth, of course Mick is welcome to come to, we need to give Cisco a day as they have a visit tomorrow but the day after we can head off.” Kara said.

“Yeah sounds good, Mick did you want to come too” Ray said a little shyness creeping into his voice.

“Like I’m gonna let you go hang out on a weird Earth without me” Mick said but he didn’t sound perturbed by the idea.

“There’s nothing weird about my Earth and plus we have an amazing bar, the only place that serves booze even a Kryptonian can drunk on” and it was as if Kara had said the magic words.

“Ok Skirt, that’s all I needed to hear” Mick said looking more relaxed as Ray rolled his eyes at him. 

The rest of dinner was continued in jovial conversation going between asking Kara about her Earth and being Kryptonian and teasing Ray and Mick. No one returned to training all too eager for stories of Supergirl and her exploits as well as Kara asking about the Legends missions and what it was like to travel time. Soon Ray said with a bit of guilt that he was tired, while the headache hadn’t made him go berserk it still had drained him more than he wanted and thus wanted to retreat for the day. Mick got up with him and the two men walked out of the mess after saying their goodbyes to a chorus of wolf whistles. 

At Ray’s door Mick followed him in and Ray was happy to have Mick with him. In fact he was feeling lighter and even excited about hearing from his Kryptonian parents. He really didn’t think anything could have topped this day, he’d learnt more about himself, learnt more about Krypton, and had been able to fly, that the team were relaxed about him and Mick and totally unfazed by their relationship and that he was close to answers and an end to the chip situation. He spun to tell Mick just how good everything was and how good a day it was when he was met with the full force of Mick.

Yep there was one way for this day to get better as he was pulled into a hungry kiss and the very handsy embrace of Mick. Finally pulling apart Micks hand were still holding tightly to Ray’s torso where they had slipped underneath the taller man’s shirt.

“Damn it Haircut meant to do that hours ago but didn’t fancy the audience” Mick growled out and Ray could feel Mick press against him.

In response Ray put his arms around Mick and brought his mouth to his for another kiss. Lips caressed against each other drawing moans from each men as Ray took a step backwards towards his bed and Mick followed not wanting to lose any of the contact between them.

“Really Mick what’s got you so hot and bothered” Ray said teasing the other man and making sure Mick new he was equally aroused by the sudden show of aggression.

“You talk too Much Haircut and you’re a bigger tease than you let on!” Mick growled out as Ray arrived at the edge of the bed but had started to suck on Micks collar bone before saying,

“I’m offended Mick I was an Eagle Scout and therefore nothing but honourable” Ray said and being very un-honourable, by lowering one hand to squeeze Micks ass. This resulted in a growl from Mick who pushed Ray backwards. Ray held onto Mick and they both landed on the bed with Mick pressed firmly against Ray beneath him.

“Really Mick feels like you’ve been wanting to get me alone for hours” Ray said with a roll of his hips and Mick looked half outraged and half very turned on.

“Yeah well I said that being able to fly was hot, would have pounced you then and there but well” Mick said a little worry creeping into his features and both men knew that the headache had ruined that moment.

“Mick let’s not let anything ruin this moment” Ray said pulling Micks head down for another heated kiss and soon both men were far more distracted with each other, putting all other thoughts out of their minds.


	20. Chapter 18

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 18

Mick woke up to a curiously empty bed and tried not to feel panic, the side Ray had been sleeping on was cold meaning the man got up a while ago as Mick turned to see Ray sitting at his desk on the laptop. Now Mick sat bolt up the panic definitely tugging at him as he was about to reprimand Ray. Ray beat him to the punch though,

“It’s ok Mick, I’m staying clear of my files and videos” Ray said smiling at Mick reassuringly, “I couldn’t sleep and I didn’t want to wake you and as it turns out Felicity is still up too so we’ve been chatting”.

Mick didn’t find this answer any better as that twinge of jealousy reared its ugly head and Mick began to swing his legs off the bed. Sensing that Mick still wasn’t satisfied with Ray’s reason for being up Ray continued,

“I went to see if there was any news on the trip to Kara’s earth and the preparations, I’m just too wired to sleep Mick. Felicity, who’s a good friend, was up so we started talking.

There’s this big visit at Star Labs tomorrow so they’ve all been working to make sure everything is running fine and that security is tight in case their guest goes off track” Ray was smiling hoping that Mick wasn’t still jealous of him and Felicity.

“Well it turns out that Lex Luthor of Luthor Corp is coming to view the Star Lab Museum, this could be a great investment opportunity plus its Lex Luthor he’s a genius and would certainly be interested in the particle accelerator as a source of energy” Ray said excitedly and slightly in awe at the name Luthor.

“So another nerd” Mick said sensing the reverence Ray had for this other scientist.

“I’ve met him in the past and honestly if I wasn’t supposed to be dead and also well a little broken at the moment I would be at Star Labs now, meeting him and discussing renewable energy technology would be a dream come true!” Ray said happily and a little wistfully.

Mick tried to stay neutral but he couldn’t help the pang of annoyance, so there’s yet another genius with a load in common with Ray, next thing this Lex dude will probably be able to help with the chip and Mick will be the idiot in the room. Mick was unsure what to feel, it was awkward but he couldn’t help be jealous of this Lex guy who Ray had met at some point and also admired, this guy probably admired Ray to and that’s all Mick needed another overqualified nerd with a history with Ray to come swooping in and proving how much more useful they were and how much more in common they have. Mick grunted glad it was dark enough to hide the annoyance on his face.

“Yer not broken Haircut, don’t say that it’s not funny” Mick said in a low tone followed by, “You need to hang out with less nerds”.

Mick tried to make it sound like an insult but Ray was looking at him earnestly and with those big kind eyes that did not make Mick feel all safe and good inside.

“Mick” Ray said in a soft voice and he hated how understanding this stupid man before him was, “Just because I admire someone for their intelligence and the work they do in fields of science and innovation doesn’t mean I’m attracted to them, yeah I find it easy and important to connect with people but there’s more to me than that and you know it.

There’s many qualities that make someone attractive, like being able to keep me grounded when I get lost in my science and wild ideas, like appreciating the man behind the inventions, like risking their life to stop me from getting into trouble or looking out for my mental health when I lose my way, not to mention being strong and secretly very caring or super protective. Did I also mention hot with a tendency to set things on fire”

“Now you’re just being an idiot Haircut, I know that ok, I can safely say you’re not the type to jump into bed with someone unless there was a deeper connection but well I trust you I don’t trust all these others. I mean handsome scientists with hot bodies and caring natures and loyal to a fault is kinda the dream package” Mick said before cringing.

“So I’m the dream package am I Mick” Ray said with a smirk, “Mick we have something that is more than what on paper looks good, we built a connection and were drawn to each other, I’m not gonna risk that plus if anyone does come on to me I’m pretty sure you’ll put them in their place, you’re a little possessive” Ray said smiling.

“I’m not! Oh screw it Haircut but yeah your mine and no way am I letting you go. So stop making me feel like a teenager in a romcom and come back to bed” Mick said and lay back down looking offended.

“Sure thing, um I’m just saying bye to Felicity she’s gonna come over tomorrow. She wants to be out of the way for the Luthor visit and then she’s heading back to Star City, she’s done what she can with the chip and wants to say goodbye before she heads off” Ray said in a guilty voice knowing Mick was still feeling huffy. The answering grunt and Mick rolling over was a sign that Ray needed to say his goodbyes and get back into bed.

Mick glared at the wall, he knew it wasn’t romantic with Ray and Felicity and he was being immature but he wasn’t sure what he was looking for. He didn’t need a guarantee that Ray wasn’t about to leave him for someone more intelligent, he was truthfully a little scared that someone would see all the good in Ray and try and steal him for their self. Being insecure was a feeling Mick didn’t have often and it sucked. Soon though Ray was getting into the bed and Mick rolled over to meet the other man’s gaze. Why did Ray have to have such puppy like eyes, why did they look at him like he was the world?

“Stop looking at me like that?” Mick grumbled.

“Like what, I’m admiring the handsome face of my boyfriend, the man I chose to be with, the man I fell for what’s wrong with that” Ray said looking innocent.

“Well stop it, and stop sounding like a romance novel” Mick said gruffly feel more uncomfortable, “Just stop looking at me like I’m so damn important and that you’d give me the world if you could…see look you make me sound like I’m a romance novel”.

“But your right Mick, when I needed someone the most, when I’ve been at my lowest you were there for me, with everything going on you’re the voice that keeps me sane, the person I want to come back from the brink to.” Ray said his eyes looking sincere.

“You’re an idiot Haircut and I don’t get it” Mick said but he sounded less gruff.

“In truth Mick I don’t either, I mean I annoy you, put you in danger, am not particularly cool and so damn insecure. I’m scared that the alien in me is gonna frighten you away, I’m worried I’ll do something stupid and push you away or you will finally be done with watching my back cause I’m too pathetic to look after myself. I’m scared that these nightmares won’t stop and I’ll hurt you and I’m really scared that I’m not good enough to stand by your side because I’m too weak, too naive and a little lost and lonely” Ray said wearing an expression of ‘did I just say that’ and quickly looking down so Mick couldn’t see the shine in his eyes.

Mick wasn’t sure what to say, words weren’t always his thing, he wanted to call Ray and idiot but he didn’t mean it like that. Idiot had become his blanket word for every time Ray did something that scared him, when he was worried about Ray but also when Ray made him feel, when he felt touched and happy and he didn’t know how to express his happiness. But Ray looked like he was about to cry and then he noticed that Ray was gripping his own arm and it was not a gently touch. 

“Don’t Ray, please” Mick said with a tenderness he didn’t even realise he could muster as he placed his hand over Rays and the other man loosened his grip.

“Mick sorry I didn’t...” Ray began but Mick cut him off.

“I know, it’s ok it’s a subconscious thing sometimes when you’re hurting it’s easy to feel physical pain believe me I know just” Mick took a deep breath, “I’m not sure I would handle the pain of knowing it’s me that was causing you hurt ok Haircut”.

Ray was still and refusing to look at Mick and Mick could tell that if Ray could he’d be trying to run about now.

“We’re both insecure Haircut, this is new and exciting but damn scary. I’m not running though, I promise I’m not gonna run, I’m not gonna leave!” Mick said added the last bit with determination in his voice.

“I’m not leaving either Mick, we both lost a lot, family, friends, partners I can’t lose you too not when really I feel like I’m losing myself but trying not to think about it” Ray said finally relaxing a little.

“Yeah we have more in comment then people realise but were good, I’m good being here, not lost, not going anywhere” Mick replied hoping Ray felt more grounded.

Both men lay there in the dark taking in the silence, both knowing that the other felt insecure and was still fighting their belief that they weren’t quite good enough for the other and both wanting to prove that this was not the case. Ray was soon lying with his head on Micks chest while Mick had his arm around Ray. Mick wished he could express better but most of all he was faced with a bigger fear, he wanted to be able to tell Ray that he’d never felt this way about someone before. He was scared to death, this feeling was so new and so overwhelming. But at the same time he didn’t want to burden Ray with anything more until he was sure the man was in a better head space. Ray was still getting headaches, still coming to terms with a new identity, new parents, new trauma, news powers and a new relationship. Mick didn’t feel he had the right yet for anything else.

Ray had just admitted he was still a little lost and Mick wanted to be an anchor for him but didn’t want to put pressure on the handsome man. Mick wanted Ray to be ok and needed to give him more time. Mick suddenly realised how much time they had wasted tip toeing around this thing between them and how much sooner he should have made a move. He came to the conclusion that he wouldn’t bring up what he was feeling until after they’d dealt with this trip to another earth. Ray needed closure on his parents and he needed the chip sorted, then he needed to learn his new powers and then Mick could say it. Say what though, he suddenly really missed Len. 

Len would have known what to do, would have teased him something vicious but Mick would have been able to talk to the man. He needed his best friend more than ever and he could almost hear Len’s voice saying,

“Mick, you’re in love”  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Felicity was excited to be in the Waverider again and Ray had offered to give her a tour now the situation wasn’t so dire. They’d talked a bit last night when neither of them were able to sleep mostly making a plan for her to come round early so they could catch up. Felicity also said that she would bring back the Atom suit as Ray may want to modify it to fit his new powers and that Cisco may have been trying to fix it up for him but hope Ray didn’t mind. Ray hadn’t minded at all and was thankful Cisco had had the consideration to work on the suit and he himself did in fact want to know how it could compliment his additional powers and abilities.

Felicity was feeling half guilty that she couldn’t do more for him, but it was up to Team Supergirl now. She also felt bad that she had cracked the disk in the first place so that Ray had been exposed to those videos. But they’d talked that through last night and Ray had reassured her she didn’t have anything to feel guilty about which in turn made her feel bad that he had comforted her when it should be the other way round.

Felicity also felt bad about how irked she’d been with the news that Ray was dating Mick, this was something she wanted to clear the air with Ray and ask well ask everything as she still hadn’t got her head round it. Felicity didn’t want to go back to Star City with any misunderstanding or anything left unsaid. Once on the Waverider she made her way to the mess area to meet Ray taking in all the future tech and got Gideon to teach her how to use the replicator to order a coffee.

She had barely taken the first sip when Ray bounded into the room looking happy and relaxed, this was a relief seeing him look so comfortable. Recently he hadn’t been looking himself and he was barely smiling looking more withdrawn. The only time he looked truly happy or content was in the company of Mick and he looked particular relaxed if they’d spent time together. Ray’s current mood was clearly explained by a grumpy and tired looking Mick following behind.

“Felicity!” Ray said voice happy and she smiled at him trying not to notice Mick glaring at her, she was going to have to clear this up.

“Morning Ray, Morning Mick though by the looks of things you’ve slept less than Ray” Felicity said trying to start the awkward conversation.

“Wouldn’t you like to know” Mick grumble out but was looking tired but calm and it didn’t come out with half the venom it would have before.

“Yeah Micks not really a morning person, I told him he didn’t have to get up my bed is his bed now” Ray said turning from her to beam at Mick at the last part and she saw Mick blush under the smile.

Seeing Mick like this made her opinion of him change, there was no denying there was strong feelings on both men’s part and somehow despite everything they looked their most comfortable in each other’s company. Felicity couldn’t help but smile, how could she harbour animosity towards anyone that made Ray beam like that, that blush when Ray made small innocent statements that revealed more information about their relationship than Ray probably realised and who was keeping Ray grounded and happy when everything seemed so chaotic.

“Stop staring consoles, you’re as bad as Haircut” Mick said gruffly.

“Sorry it’s just you guys are pretty cute together” Felicity replied.

“Ain’t a damn thing about me that’s cute, just cause my boyfriend is a nerd puppy doesn’t mean I’m gonna start spouting the same fluffy nonsense. Just didn’t want to be lying in bed alone so thought I’d get up and have breakfast” Mick explained trying to look intimidating and not realising quite what he said and Felicity made a mental note that Mick didn’t like to be alone in bed without Ray and that was gonna be a golden nugget to share with Sara.

Ray looked at him a little knowingly before saying, “Hungry Mick?”

“You know full well I am stop being an idiot Haircut” Mick said but he was smirking and Felicity knew this was a private joke between them, ok yeah so maybe they were very cute.   
Mick then looked at Felicity again and looked like he was coming to a conclusion before speaking again,

“Gonna get a breakfast to go, don’t want to get in the way of nerd time. Plus Axel needs feeding since I wasn’t in my room last night”.

Before Ray could say anymore Mick was replicating his breakfast while Ray looked at him with appreciation, Mick new it was important to Ray to spend time with Felicity and really he had to allow Ray the space to hang out with others. Felicity was smart enough to know that Mick was trying to be considerate and give her and Ray some time to catch up. She appreciated that he wasn’t giving her a death glare and maybe wasn’t so worried about her suddenly stealing Ray from him. But she was pretty sure that just to make it clear to her that Ray was off the table he went up to Ray breakfast in one hand and grabbed Ray by the collar to pull him into a kiss.

It was pretty heated kiss and Felicity wasn’t sure where to look, she heard Mick say “You know where to find me” and Ray stammer out a “Yes” before Mick shot her a smug look and sauntered out the room. Ray was looking a little red in the face and she couldn’t help herself,

“He’s a little possessive isn’t he?” she said.

“Um yeah……” Ray answered a little less focused before snapping to attention, “Yeah he’s still a little worried that someone he thinks of as ‘better’ is gonna just sweep in a steal me away, he’s worried that I will fall for the next person with a high IQ when that really means nothing to me” Ray said honestly and Felicity smiled, yep Ray was head over heels.

“Wow you really love him don’t you Ray” Felicity said and she watched the dopey grin on his face.

“Yeah” he said before turning beet red, “I mean nope, I mean it’s far too soon for the L word, god Mick would run a mile, after everything I don’t want to scare him off” Ray said sputtering.

“It’s ok if you’re not ready to tell him but he really doesn’t seem like the easy to scare off type” Felicity said coming to sit with her coffee and Ray did the same thing offering up a replicated plate of wheat free muffins. 

“Logically I know that, we even talked about it. I was worried being alien would freak him out, or my past or my strength or the fact that I’m a little well nerdy and naïve compared to him” Ray explained.

“Opposites attract Ray, I know we didn’t work because we were to similar, felt great to connect with an equal but there was definitely not the raw spark you two have” Felicity added and Ra smiled at her.

“We really were at opposite ends when we first met but I soon realised there was more to Mick than even he realised and couldn’t help myself wanting to be around him, he seemed to get me in a way that wasn’t just about being smart plus no one not since Anna has put me first or made me feel wanted and needed, no offense” Ray added with a small apologetic smile.

“I bet Mick says this a lot but you don’t have to apologise Ray” Felicity said watching Ray nod in agreement, “He treats you right though, I really don’t know him well enough but sounds like you guys have talked a lot and well as your friend want to make sure he’s looking out for you” she finished.

“You’d be surprised how much Mick talks when it’s important or when it’s just the two of us but his actions speak louder, he tried to sacrifice his life to save me and that is something you hold onto especially when you have a bit of a complex like me when it comes to saving people” Ray explained and then looked seriously at Felicity.

“After I get back from this trip with Kara, once I know I am more in control of my powers and that I have closure on the chip I will tell him how I feel. I need to make sure I’m good first, Mick knows this, knows I don’t want to accidently hurt him. I am gonna leave my past in the past and move forward with him” Ray said confidently and Felicity felt her heart melt for him.

The rest of the morning was spent exploring the ship, meeting up with the Legends and catching up. Felicity was getting all the good stories about their adventures and was soon joined by Kara. Sara was happy to explain all the times she thought Ray and Mick had finally realised they fancied each other and the atmosphere was fun and relaxed. Felicity could go back to Star City knowing Ray was in good hands the last thing she had to do was talk to Mick. She said she’d meet Ray in the cargo bay to say her final goodbye before heading to Micks room.

She knocked and heard Mick call “come in”!

Mick had clearly not been expecting her as he went from sitting relaxed playing with a rat she assumed was Axel, to being bolt up and putting said rat back in his cage. Mick eyed her suspiciously making himself look big and intimidating before growling out,

“If you’ve come to say I’m not good enough for your friend I know that but I’ll fight you anyway, not giving up on Haircut and not gonna walk away from him not matter what you say!” Mick said looking at her with conviction.

“Nope in fact you just answered the question I was going to ask” Felicity said and watched as Mick looked at her with confusion.

“Your good for him Mick and he likes you, really likes you. I wanted you to know I’m grateful to you, for keeping him sane and happy when anyone else would be spinning out and a lesser person wouldn’t stay with him. Just promise me you’ll look out for him and not let him hide” Felicity said earnestly.

“Ha, I don’t need to promise you that I already made that promise with Haircut” Mick said smugly.

“Yeah well as his friend I still have to do the, if you hurt him talk but really I think you love him just as much…” Felicity started to say but stopped at the expression Mick was making.

Mick’s eyes had gone wide in disbelief and he was starting to turn pink, he immediately got up and then didn’t know what to do with himself.

“Oh my God, you love him!” Felicity said her voice rising a bit with excitement.

“Don’t you dare and no I don’t. You’re an idiot now piss off!” Mick growled.

“You don’t have to get angry, it’s a totally normal feeling” She continued.

“Maybe for sentimental nerds but not for me, only things I love are burning stuff and beer” Mick said grumpily.

“And one Ray Palmer” she said then thinking better of it added, “Ok I won’t bring it up, I won’t tell Ray” Felicity said and Mick shot her a terrified look.

“Oh you won’t tell Ray if you know what’s good for you” Mick said looking as intimidating as possible and Felicity would have turned and run if it wasn’t for the tinge of pink.

“Ok Ok, I will let it go but don’t torture yourself over this and when the time is right just tell Ray ok” Felicity said and then to change the subject.

“Look I’m meeting Ray in the cargo bay to say goodbye, he’s putting his suit up to work on it when he gets a chance and I think he’s gonna train with Kara ok” Felicity said before making her goodbye and leaving Micks room. Her heart was beating fast and she was dying to tell someone this revelation but she knew for both these guys and their insecurity she had to keep this a secret. When they were ready she was sure they’d let each other know but it made her heart skip, yep Ray and Mick were a very cute couple!  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Mick decided he did in fact hate Felicity Smoak and her stupid perceptiveness, she was a nerd and they weren’t meant to be able to pick on everyday things like other people’s feelings. Nerds were meant to be self-centred and so focused on what they were nerding over to notice other people and what they were feeling. Mick kept telling himself this but it didn’t help that Ray was glaring proof that this statement was very untrue. Damn it why did she have to just casually mention that he loved Haircut, why did she have to tell him. Ok he realised that maybe just maybe he was turning into a nerd himself and the object of his infatuation was indeed Ray but nope he wasn’t going to admit he was in love.

He paced up and down his room trying to squash done the weird mix of happy butterflies, it was a stupid gooey feeling that should be banned and the new nervousness he felt at the prospect of seeing Ray again. Why was he blushing, he was not the blushing type and he didn’t want to walk up to Ray and then see that beautiful smile and go all teenage girl, that just wasn’t him. Being in love sucked it was making him a different person, soon he’d be skipping through fields and wanting to make daisy chains.

It was probably time for a beer but Mick wanted to see Ray train, he liked watching the show of strength and it turned him on, this was a more normal reaction, he could handle Ray making him horny. In fact he could handle the desire to protect Ray and he wanted to be around in case something happened and Ray needed him to calm and relax him, he really loved that he was the person to get through to his boyfriend and he liked being needed. Mick was perfectly happy with the term boyfriend, it was odd and far too sentimental but it gave Ray security and Mick a sense of pride but love was a whole new level.

Ray was the kind of sentimental puppy that could sprout nonsense like being in love but what if he wasn’t feeling this too and it was just Mick having a freak out. No it was not the right time for this foolishness, Ray had bigger problems and maybe after those were sorted they would both take some time and chill and well Mick didn’t want to think about it. He’d never told someone he loved them and he wanted to digest this feeling and try and be less afraid of it.

Mick decided that pacing about his room wasn’t gonna get him anywhere, he had to go and be normal and just push this thought aside. Mick wanted to be there for Ray and so he headed to the cargo bay. He still felt nervous and unsure what do to when he saw Ray and when he walked in and saw the Atom suit up but no Ray he felt relieved. Ok Ray must already be with Kara that gave him more time to stop spinning out.

He looked at the suit, he sometimes hated the thing because of how scared he got when things went wrong but also respected Ray for making it and how it had given Ray the freedom to pursue his dreams. Ray was now pursing new dreams and hopes, he was pulling himself up and learning more about himself and truthfully being braver than he’d ever been even when wearing the suit. Mick smiled he really had fallen for an optimistic idiot but well if Ray could face everything that had been thrown at him and still pursue what he wanted and move forward why couldn’t he. He wanted to be with the nerd, he just wanted to make sure Ray dealt with his current situation first before he added his own wishes to the mix.

Mick was gonna just have to take a leaf out of Ray’s book and follow his heart, he half hated how sentimental it was and half felt a little bit of pride knowing he was maturing as a person and it was thanks to his very stupid and very brave boyfriend.

“Um Mick why are you just staring into space looking like someone’s just handed you puppy” Came the teasing voice of Sara.

Mick jumped and then schooled his face into a scowl, “Nothing just thinking”.

“Oh yeah, I’m assuming about Ray since your standing in front of his suit” Sara continued.

“Just cause were a thing doesn’t mean we’re attached at the hip, I don’t spend all my time thinking about the idiot” Mick grumbled feeling very self-conscious.

“Of course you don’t but yes he is training with Kara I was just heading out myself” Sara said with a knowing smile on her face.

Mick cursed and said,

“Why do all you women look at me like you know something I don’t, come on just blurt it out Consoles already did” Mick said grumpily.

“Consoles? Oh Felicity” Sara said then she looked at Mick, took in the defensive posture and the slight embarrassment on his face.

“Mick its ok to talk about your feelings, hell its ok to have them” Sara said and said Mick deflated a bit.

“I’m not used to this feeling stuff, talking with Haircut gets more natural each day but I feel a little like I’m changing into a different person. What if Ray doesn’t like the person I become” Mick said and he looked at Sara with honesty.

“Mick your learning to be more open and what it’s like to love someone. Being a bit more emotionally aware isn’t going to change who you are but it will mean that Ray will know how you feel and that will give him stability and happiness. After all this is Ray were talking about after everything you’ve gone through he’s not gonna not return your feelings” Sara said and watched Mick shift uncomfortably.

“Yeah I know, he’s the last person that’s gonna reject me. We both keep having the same conversation, that we worry we’re not good enough for the other or suddenly someone more suited will steal him away” Mick replied.

“I don’t for a second believe that someone would be able to steal anything from you, plus if they tried there would be hell to pay Mick. I for one would fight the person that tried to break you guys up” Sara said looking confident.

“Now you sound like an idiot” Mick said but looked a little less awkward. 

“Look Mick, Ray is going through hell right now and you’re his strength and don’t look at me like that you know it’s the truth. Yes Ray needs time to come to terms with his path, he needs to explore this new part of his life and his powers and needs closure on this chip. There’s a lot going on so timing isn’t perfect. Anyone looking at you two can tell you’ve got something and we are all so happy you finally worked it out and have got to where you are now. Don’t be scared of what you’re feeling and when the time is right just tell Ray you love him ok Mick. Now if this pep talk is done shall we go and see your boyfriend fly through the air and punch something really hard?” Sara said and was glad to see Mick look more confident.

“Sure, watching Haircut pound something with his fists sounds like a good idea” Mick said.

“Oh is that so!” Sara said with a smirk.

“You’d love to hear what we get up to Blondie” Mick replied as they both walked outside the Waverider.

“I am literally dying here waiting to hear the juicy details, come on Mick I just gave you an emotional pep talk you could at least share something” Sara said smirking.

“Nope got to protect Haircut’s honour, my boyfriend is a sensitive soul” Mick said with a smirk.

“Oh come on I won’t tell anyone” Sara said with a little more pleading.

“Sorry Blondie not sharing bedroom secrets, and damn they are some good ones” Mick said his own voice laced with teasing.

Sara huffed and pretending to sulk, “What kind of friend are you?”

“The type that respects the man he loves” Mick said and Sara stopped and beamed at him, “yeah, yeah I said it”.

“I’ll take that over anything else Mick” Sara replied and they both made their way to where Ray and Kara were training.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I didn'tpost in a while, had a crisis of confidence and while I've written like four more chapters suddenly didn't want to post and left it till I was in a better head space.


	21. Chapter 19

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 19

Lex had been at Star labs for hours and while the Museum had been interesting and he saw a lot of potential for renewable energy and application of the particle accelerator he’d found nothing for his main objective. There had been no hint of Ray Palmer or anyone else that made up the rag tag team of heroes he had appeared with. Star Labs also had some high tech security which was unsurprising considering their technology and the potential ties to masked superheroes. He’d tried to figure out how to get round the security, taking opportunities to hack into their system but alas they had some top level minds working for them and he admitted how damn impressive their firewalls were. Whoever designed their computer systems knew their way around and had some mean hacking skills and knew how to keep unwanted visitors out.

This meant that trying to find information on the potential whereabouts of Ray Palmer was proving more difficult than he expected. His tour guide had been one Cisco Ramon who was quite a brilliant engineer and knew his stuff even though by Lex’s standard the appearance didn’t match the reality. But Mr Ramon had been very good at deflecting questions about other team members, the relationship between the accelerator and the rise of Meta humans and if their team ever worked with local heroes such as The Flash. In fact he was so good at this that Lex knew for certain that there was no way he didn’t know or work alongside the Flash. 

So if they knew the Flash then these other heroes must be known to them. Lex was at a bit of an impasse. He couldn’t hack the information he wanted, not without giving himself away and Mr Ramon really didn’t want to discuss Meta Humans and their connection to Star labs. Lex had been able to casually scan for energy readings that seemed out of the ordinary using a small device in his mobile phone and unsurprisingly there were multiple readings from not only Star Labs but leading out of the building. Looking at the data on his phone as he casually waited for Cisco to return. Lex had said he needed a coffee break and send some emails about what he’d seen to his staff at Lex Corp, Lex had seen evidence of more than just dark matter.

Lex had picked up readings for there either currently or recently been Dwarf star at this site, there was a lot of totally unknown energy signals, one if he wasn’t mistaken for temporal energy and something giving off the same readings as the green mineral Lex Corp had acquired back in the day when his parents had been in charge. If it wasn’t all totally theoretical Lex would say he was picking up signs of time distortion, possible even interdimensional travel, a reading that really couldn’t be produced in this time period or even on Earth. Lex decided this had something to do with what made up Meta human powers and that the Museum was a front for a Meta human research lab.

After what he had seen on the video it was possible that Ray was one such Meta human and would make sense that they were hiding him but this didn’t help that he needed Ray’s help. Ray was the key to unlocking access to research that would allow him to perfect his own renewable energy source. Cisco was returning to where he was sitting, cups of coffee in hand and Lex decided if he wanted to learn more he was going to have to give up a bit of information on his side.

“Here you go, fresh coffee! I hope your telling you partners at Lex Corp about our amazing innovations” Cisco said brightly beaming at him.

“Yes there is a lot of potential here. Myself I am trying to perfect my own renewable energy source technology but have come up against a few technical difficulties” Lex said confidently.

“Oh well if we work together I’m sure our teams can do great things!” Cisco replied a little excitement in his voice.

“I do believe you could. Truthfully back in the day my parents had contracts with the Palmer’s. I suppose I was a bit of a young and naive fool but when I took over I got rid of anything that pertained to the making of weapons. I wanted to help people not harm and we lost a lot of those contracts and access to technology.” Lex explained noting how Cisco looked curious but not worried.

“My biggest regret when it came to my new energy source was that I never got a chance to work with Raymond Palmer once he was in charge of Palmer tech” Lex said and now Cisco looked at him a little more warily.

“Doctor Palmer and I crossed paths a few times, he was truly brilliant and onto some amazing research into renewable energy. When he died not only did I lose the chance to work with a great inventor but a chance to reform a relationship between Lex Corp and Palmer Tech that could have made such progress in the betterment of mankind” He was being sincere even if he laid it on a bit thick with the regret and wistful look at the mention of Ray Palmer.

Cisco was trying to not look a little suspicious and Lex had to word things carefully. 

“I know Palmer Tech had some warehouses here and I have to admit I had a little ulterior motive when I came to Star Labs. I was wondering if you ever got the chance to work with Doctor Palmer as if you did you may have got some of his research or a chance to see some of his inventions. That would mean you would in fact have the knowledge to help me with my technical difficulties”.

Lex knew he’d got the wording right, he’d brought up knowing Ray so it wasn’t so weird he’d ask about him or miss him as a fellow inventor. He’d not asked about Ray directly or the research only implied that Cisco and Star Labs may now have knowledge that would help Lex out.

Lex watched Cisco going through the information in his head and formulating his own response.

“Funny you speak of Ray, Doctor Palmer we did work on some projects before he passed away. They were more personal projects but if you give me some time to talk to the rest of my team maybe we can forward any findings to you.” Cisco said trying to be very diplomatic.

“I envy you Mr Ramon, getting to work with a mind like Palmers, these personal projects must have been something and you yourself must be quite the engineer for him to have come to you for help” Lex new that charm was always a good option.

“I wouldn’t say that but Ray’s a great guy and I bet he’d love working with you” Cisco said and Lex had the answer he needed.

“Well Mr Ramon, I have seen a lot today but I must take my leave. I promise to be in contact soon and thank you for your priceless information” Lex said with a smile and shook Cisco’s hand before heading out of the Museum.

Lex smiled, so Cisco Ramon talked about Ray as if he was very much still alive and since they worked together on so called personal projects that means there was definitely a connection here. Lex had been tempted to lay a few bugs but if they were discovered he would be on the suspect list and he didn’t want to make enemies here. His goal was to find Doctor Palmer and offer a partnership. His best course of action was to track one of the bizarre energy signals and see where it lead him. He looked at his scanner and while Star Labs had a lot of bizarre energy there was also another source outside the city that contained traces of temporal energy and a large amount of dwarf star, what this meant he didn’t know but it was definitely something to investigate.

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Ray had to admit life was pretty much perfect right now and only getting better. He had mastered flying and it was pretty much second nature to him, the ease at which he could take off and soar through the air not to mention the speeds he could attain were breath-taking. Ray loved how fast he could fly and how easy it was and his mind was already thinking of ways to slim line the Atom suit and re deploy power now he could fly himself, he decided that he wouldn’t completely take away the suits ability to fly just in case, what if he was affected by kryptonite he’d have to make sure the suit had a way to get him out of danger.

Ray was happy to see that the suit had had some basic repairs done but there was plenty to do, he would have to take into account his new strength and how that would affect his movement so he didn’t just bust the suit when he went to take a punch. He also had to figure a way for his eye beams to be filtered through the visor of his helmet, if he even still needed the helmet, but then he loved the idea of putting more display screens in so he had access to data analysis in the Atom suit. There was so much potential, he was still not fully able to eye blast at will sometimes it came with ease and sometimes nothing at all.

He realised if he got angry or emotional it was easier to summon the beams but didn’t like having to focus on painful memories to do it and wanted it to be more natural like flying. He was worried he’d trigger a seizure or go berserk if he focused on the kind of emotion and memories that made making the twin beams easier. Kara said that since he focused on emotion maybe try and make them happy ones but thinking about Mick really didn’t summon the desire to shoot things with his eyes.

Yes Mick, how was it that he was finally in a happy, equal relationship where he felt respected and nurtured, where someone looked out for him and he could give that someone all his love and attention and not have it pushed aside for someone else. Mick was still Mick, gruff and afraid of his emotions, he was as insecure as Ray felt but also protective and jealous but most importantly he wanted Ray as much as Ray wanted him. Thinking of Mick was guaranteed to make his heart soar and Ray found himself hoovering a bit when the thoughts took over. He heard Kara giggle and looked to her where she said, “Bet I know who you’re thinking about”.

Ray blushed and then set back on his feet again. He was getting excited about his visit to Kara’s earth for so many reasons, to get the chip out, hear his parent’s voices and learn about Krypton. But he was also hopeful that it meant if everything went to plan he could spend some time with Mick, like a holiday, a romantic getaway in fact. Maybe find a place where he could relax and tell Mick how he felt.

“Ok time for you to come back from wherever you just went, cause I think it’s time to get you used to your super strength” Kara said.

“Wait, what no I was day dreaming sorry, I was just thinking about well you know, sorry” Ray stammered his way through blushing.

“It’s ok Ray but you have a tell, whenever you start thinking of your boyfriend you start to float, which is cute but you also told me that you want to make sure you never over use your strength with him” Kara said reassuringly.

“Yes! I mean yeah controlling my strength is a priority and I should probably work on not floating away when I day dream, Mick is gonna tease me something rotten for that” Ray said looking amused but determined.

Kara turned to face him taking up a fighting stance and gesturing him to do the same.

“Ok Daydreamer let’s see what you got!” Kara announced.

The outcome was exactly as he expected even without holding back Kara had had years of flight experience to bring to the table so that Ray was rather out matched. He’d improved his own fighting skills a lot as a Legend but had never thrown a punch while soaring through the air. He was currently lying in a crater after a rather hard knock that had caused him to crash into the ground. It wasn’t painful he was more winded and his pride a little dented but otherwise he was getting the measure of his strength and how that would affect any correction to his suit.

Things changed with the arrival of Sara and Mick and the last thing Ray wanted was Mick seeing him lying flat on his arse. He wanted to look at least a little impressive for his boyfriend. In front of the other Legends it hadn’t bothered him, Jax and Nate had been cheering him on and shouting “you gonna take that Ray” while also cringing whenever he took another punch from Kara. Now with Mick also there he wanted to look like he had a chance in this fight.

Kara though had been impressed, he was as strong as her and was very good at dodging with good reflexes. With training he’d be able to hold his own in no time, he was a quick learner when he wasn’t overthinking. 

“Ray I can tell when your focusing on something else you know” Kara said as they floated in the air Ray flying up to meet her.

“Sorry can’t help myself there are gonna be so many calibrations to my suit” Ray answered looking a little sheepish and then taking a glance down at where Mick had perched himself.

Kara followed his gaze before saying, “You’ll owe me one for this”.

Before Ray could piece together what she meant Kara flew at him full force and took a swing but Ray could tell she was pulling her punch and not moving as fast so he easily dodged it. Ray grabbed Kara’s arm ad spun in the air releasing Kara so she was tossed towards the ground. Ray realised she was letting him beat her, letting him put on a show for Mick. Ray flew after her ready to land a finishing blow but without thinking he made sure to hold back himself not wanting to really punch her. 

To everyone on the ground it looked like Ray had got the upper hand not only unbalancing Kara but landed the closing blow and sending her crashing into the concrete floor. No one heard her congratulate Ray on being able to real in his strength and Ray turned to beam at the cheering onlookers as Kara whispered “go on”.

Ray took off and landed in front of Mick who looked at him a little hungrily. Mick clearly approved of the display of strength and fighting skill and Ray very much enjoyed the way Mick was looking at him.

“Ok guys we get it, Mick stop looking at Ray like you want to jump his bones and Ray stop looking at your man so suggestively” Sara said but her voice was full of humour.

“Ray buddy that was awesome” Nate said coming to clap his friend on the back.

“Yeah Ray very nicely done” Amaya added but she looked at Kara knowingly as she approached. Amaya had eagle eyes after all but appreciated that Kara was happy to take the defeat for Ray to show off a little.

“Ray’s done really well, you should be proud Ray” Kara said and Ray blushed at the compliment.

“Thanks Kara you’re a good teacher, Um are you still ok to go a little longer?” He asked her and she nodded before taking flight.

Ray turned to Mick to give him a wink and just as he was about to take off Mick grabbed his collar and pulled him into a kiss. It was a short but hungry kiss that made Ray feel tingly and wanted. Mick gave a little growl and then Ray took off to the sounds of “Come on Mick really” from Nate and Mick’s replying, “What Haircut is hot, had to let him know”.

Again Ray was hovering in the air facing Kara, Micks little display of affection had made him want to work even harder.

“Ok Ray I am gonna test to see how well you can get out of a hold, this is less about brute strength but knowing where to apply strength but also how to use your environment to help you” Kara explained and Ray nodded as in the blink of an eye she had him locked in a hold and unable to move.

Ray felt the pressure on his arm as he was held in place, it was disconcerting to feel so subdued and restrained. Then he felt it the stinging sensation in his head and a shooting pain where the chip was. It felt different from before sharper more intense and he started to panic trying to break the hold with brute strength that only made it feel tighter.

“Ray brute strength isn’t going to get you out of this” Kara said patiently but Ray felt it, felt a burn and a feeling that something was very wrong. Damaging the chip meant that the pain was far worse and suddenly as if it was happening that moment a memory came crystal clear.

Young Ray was being restrained, being forced to stop moving despite trying to struggle free. He’d tried to run, his body still weak from being exposed by kryptonite so unable to fight off his restrainer.

“Get him back in the room” Came his mother’s voice.

“I’m trying to! Stupid boy brute strength isn’t gonna let you escape, your too weak so just stop struggling” Came Ray’s father voice.

“What got into him?” Again his mother.

“Think he panicked at the sight of the bone saw, well he’s gonna regret trying to run and at this rate he’s gonna dislocate his own arm” His father said.

Ray felt tears in his eyes, he was weak and scared, he didn’t want then cutting through his bones, and he had just wanted to go play. The pressure on his arm was horrifying and then he felt a painful pop from the arm being bent back in the restraint.

Ray screamed, he hated being restrained, he hated the angry hold on him and the fact that he couldn’t break free and he hated what it meant, that he was weak and really there was nothing to stop his parents from continuing the experiment they had started. Ray struggled with all his might feeling the socket of his arms strain and pop, he was pretty sure he’d dislocated both of them. It felt like a needle was going through his head and he felt the tears stream down his face. He was finally released from the hold now he was too weak and injured to fight back as he was spun around.

Ray was vaguely aware of someone shouting at him, a woman and for the first time he truly hated his mother. How could she do this to him, so he did the thing he’d wanted to do for so long, he was going to fight back he was going to make her pay. He felt the heat as twin beans of crimson erupted from his eyes and hit his mother square in the chest. She was taken completely by surprise and he watched as she hit the ground hard. He wasn’t going to let up as he flew full force and slammed into her and felt the bones crunch beneath fist.

He was going to destroy everything, he hated them, he hated his home this lab and this life as he picked up his mother’s body and threw it at his father who was standing a bit further away shouting at him to calm down. His brain was on fire it was hot and sharp, molten blades were cutting away at him. His eyes burned red as he fired beam after beam from them trying to hit everything through his hate and anger fuelled gaze. Another fierce hot pain cut through his head and suddenly he wasn’t sure where he was.

He was in pain and scared, had he just killed his parent, oh god what had he done. He’d been trying to run, that’s why he’d been retrained. Oh god what had he done, he couldn’t stay here he had to escape. Confused and panicked he took flight, he felt the ground crunch and buckle at the force of his take off. He had to flee as he sped away from where he was as fast as he could clutching his head as the pain screamed in his brain and his vision blurred.

Where was he, were was he going, what had he done and who was he?  
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Lex was standing stock still and couldn’t really fathom what he had seen. He’d been following a bunch of weird energy readings to the middle of nowhere and in the distance he had started to make out what looked like an old aeroplane carrier. This abandoned site didn’t look very abandon as he could make out figures but as he got closer, taking care to stay out of site, he was transfixed by two individuals in the air. These two figures one male and one female were staring at each other smiling and talking before the female got into an attack position and grabbed the male putting him into a submission hold in mid-air. He raised his mobile to record what he was seeing and zoom into the face of the male as he had a feeling and sure enough on screen was the face of one very much alive Ray Palmer.

At last he had found the man and since he was currently floating in the air apparently training with the other women it was clear he must be a Meta. But things had turned very quickly. Doctor Palmer had gone from looking relaxed and in thought to panic as if he suddenly didn’t know where he was or what was going on. He had started to struggle and then things got bad. Palmer fired crimson beams after screaming in pain, it looked like he had dislocated his own shoulder to escape the retraining hold he was in and then gone on the attack. 

Yep Palmer looked like a man possessed as he fought those around him and it looked like he was out to kill the other female flying Meta. Once the beams started firing off Lex ducked and tried to stay out of site not knowing what to do. There seemed to be a moment of calm and Lex risked at look and was greeted by the site of Doctor Palmer standing on the ground looking confused and afraid before pushing himself off the ground to launch himself away from the chaos he’d cause.

Lex had a split second to think as he watched Ray standing there and launched a small prob with a tracker, hoping it would land on Ray before he moved. Luck was on his side as the tracker found its target just before Ray crouched to launch himself a picture of grief up into the air and fled the scene. Lex had no time to see if the others were ok, he knew that there was a chance they weren’t but also was worried that Doctor Palmer would do more damage or need help and decided he needed to get to him quickly.

Lex made a run for it to give himself some distance from the scene before him and not wanting to be found anywhere near it just in case. As he ran he contacted Lex Corp to order his private helicopter to pick him up. It wasn’t long before he’d been located and picked up and was now in pursuit of Doctor Palmer. The tracker was showing an erratic movement, going in one direction and then abruptly turning and moving in another. It was clear it was still attached as no one could move this fast or reach such altitudes. Lex watched as it stopped dead still and then started to go up.

He began to worry, the helicopter wouldn’t be able to climb those heights and he would lose Ray soon if he didn’t find a way to keep up. Then again there was a rapid change in directions as the tracker showed a beeline for a mountainous area. With the sped of the helicopter it would be a few hours before he caught up, Ray was fast and had travelled miles north. It was clear that Ray was continuing to head as far north as possible and Lex knew if he wanted to follow him to the pole he would have to change mode of transport. He contacted Lex Corp to make sure everything he needed for an expedition to the North Pole was going to be arriving when he did. 

Suddenly the tracker and therefor Ray stopped, he was hovering a good distance above the polar region, he was above the cloud line and just stopped dead. Lex watched transfixed, hoping this meant that maybe he had come back to himself. Whatever was happening to Doctor Palmer Lex was determined to help him with it, he was clearly in distress and Lex didn’t want a mind as smart as that to be consumed by whatever he’d witnessed. If Ray stayed where he was he’d be 2 hours behind him but he was still worried. Then the tracker showed that Ray was beginning to descend. 

At first Lex thought this was a good thing, as least he was landing which meant he wasn’t just flying about chaotically. But the descent was fast, a little too fast for comfort. If Ray didn’t slow down soon he would crash into the frozen ground below. Lex deduced that there was a possibility that Ray had improved strength or reflexes but still there was no telling what would happen to him if he hit the ground at that speed. But Ray didn’t slow down and Lex felt himself panic as he watched his screen knowing that any minute Doctor Palmer was going to collide with the ground.

Ray didn’t slow, the tracker showed the fast descent to the ground and there was no stopping the impact now. All of a sudden the tracker blipped out and Lex was left staring at a tracker less screen. Doctor Palmer had most definitely hit the ground and the impact had destroyed Lex’s tracker and god knows how injured Doctor Palmer was right now. Lex at least had his last known coordinates and he made a silent prayer that the scientist would still be there and somehow alive.   
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Ray had no idea what had happened to him or who he even was. He had flown erratically then one thought came to him, something about a home or fortress somewhere cold, somewhere north. He had sped in that direction but soon his head was in so much pain he couldn’t see or hear or think. He’d stopped screaming into the bright sky clouds below and sun above. His mind on fire he felt the last dregs of consciousness before everything went black.

Ray didn’t even feel the fall, his speed of his descent. He didn’t feel the impact on the hard icy ground. Ray didn’t feel any of it, lost to darkness as he lay in the crater caused by his fall, cold and ice creeping into his body, sinking into his body. He’d broken nearly all his bones and his body was trying to knit them back together, trying to fight the cold, the exhaustion, the pain and confusion. But Ray just lay there unconsciously surrendering to the sweet nothing he was now feeling.


	22. Chapter 20

Mick was fuming, he was ready to burn something down if he didn’t get the answers he was looking for. He understood that the anger was because he was worried but really did his team mates have to keep explaining that to him, if one more person said “I know your worried about Ray but you have to calm down” he was going to punch them. Martin and Gideon hadn’t even tried to stop him leaving med bay when he came to and though he was sore and stiff he hadn’t really taken much damage. He was damn lucky that Amaya had summoned a cheetah and pushed him out of the way.

It had happened in an instance, he’d gone to try and calm Ray down desperate to get to his boyfriend before things got any worse. He wasn’t really thinking just knew Ray needed him, what he hadn’t banked on was the look of pure rage and hatred Ray had levelled at him. Mick tried not to take it personally, Ray didn’t hate him and was staring at him like he was a different person. Ray wasn’t seeing Mick and if he was going to put money on it, there was only 2 people that deserved to be looked at with that killer intent and that was the Palmer’s.

Mick wouldn’t have ever thought he’d see Ray look at someone with murderous intent and it had made him freeze and his blood go cold. Ray was sunshine and positivity, he was a dork and an idiot, he was kind and caring and everything Mick wasn’t and wanted to be for the man. But Mick knew what the face of a mad, angry killer looked like, he’d seen it in the mirror before and it broke his heart to see it on Ray’s handsome face, that boyish glee and hopeful innocence he normally glowed with gone. Mick wasn’t ready at all for Skirt being thrown at him as he stood there and then Amaya had crashed into him, the two of them tumbling to safety and then laying sprawled on the floor.

The force Amaya had used had been more than either of them were ready for and Mick was pretty sure he’d cracked a rib and Amaya was holding her shoulder in pain. They were both winded and it took a moment for Mick to sit up, fighting the pain that threated to take him into unconsciousness. He saw the crimson beams flash and heard Sara shout for people to get to cover. The ground was scorched and cracked with debris flying up and smoke rising. He saw Nate sprawled unconscious holding an equally unconscious and bloodied Supergirl. There was two lines cut into the ground, a few meters leading away from Nate. He must have steeled up to catch Skirt and the impact pushing them both back.  
It was like a war zone and it was horrifying that all this chaos was being caused by one man, even worse that this one man was Ray. Mick collapsed again and saw that Ray was landing and looking like he was ready to push off. He rolled onto his stomach and started to crawl screaming out “Haircut” and “Ray” at the top of his lungs. But his chest hurt, the broken rib dong more damage in this position as he coughed violently and watched in desperation as Ray sped away. Then he fell into blackness feeling more cold and frightened then he had done in years, maybe even more scared than when he and Ray had escaped the moon before all this had started.

Once awake he was informed that Gideon had healed his ribs and advised to stay put and relax. Stein was fussing over Amaya as she sat next to an unconscious Nate her arm hanging limply by her side. On the other side was Kara looking bruised and bloody but already healing. Mick hated to think how bad she must have looked and didn’t want to think of the damage his Ray had caused to her. She asleep but he could tell she was stirring and somehow he didn’t want to be here when she woke up. He felt guilty, like he was somehow to blame, if he’d got to Ray sooner then maybe he wouldn’t have beaten her to a bloody pulp. He didn’t want her to look at him with understanding either, he knew she’d be the type that would be understanding and more worried about him than herself. She had similar qualities to Ray and Mick wondered if it was a Kryptonian thing to always put others first, to always have a smile and a sense of positivity in the face of peril.

Mick swung his legs over the bed and Amaya shot him a look.

“Don’t start” He grumbled before, “And thank you”. 

She smiled at him and he nodded at her arm, “its ok, I dislocated it when I collided into you, wasn’t really thinking just animal instinct to get you out the way. It’s been popped back and is healing” Amaya explained and then she looked down at Nate,

“He can be an idiot though, thought if he steeled up would be able to catch Kara but wasn’t counting on Ray’s super strength when he threw her and well is now out cold. He’s got some internal damage and a mean concussion, he’s gonna be out for a while” Amaya said with a sad voice looking at Nate.

“What’s with us and idiots who forget to look out for themselves” Mick said offering her a comforting look.

“I don’t know maybe the only way to tame wild beasts is to care about them into submission so that they are there to watch out for them” Amaya said with a smile.

Mick nodded and then left her to keep watch over Nate. He was glad to be on the move he had to do things as he strode onto the bridge. Sara and Jax were looking at data with a very worried Barry beside them.

“I’ve run around everywhere I can think of but without a more specific location I may as well be running blind Sara” came Barry’s exasperated voice and Mick drew himself up ready for the shit storm he was about to unleash.

“Where the hell is Haircut!” he demanded looking at the room, “And whoever says I don’t know is getting a punch”.

“Shouldn’t you be resting, you broke a rib and practically punctured a lung Mick” Sara said with concern.

“Can it Blondie, you know me better than that” Mick said gruffly.

“Look Mick we know your worried about Ray, we all are but he’s not in his suit so no tracker” Jax said.

“I don’t want excuses, Haircut always found a way to track pretty much anything so use that brain of yours and tell me where my boyfriend is” he started to growl.

“Mick you have to calm down getting angry isn’t gonna help Ray, I get that you’re worried and this is your way of dealing...” Sara started to explain but he shot her a dirty look.

“Don’t try and analyse what I’m feeling now Blondie, what I need is to be doing something or things are gonna start burning” Mick said the anger thick on his voice.

“Sara’s right threatening us, your friends isn’t gonna help us get Ray faster. We know how you feel Mick and we are doing everything” Barry said trying to get Mick to calm.

“Can it Red, if you dare start a story about ‘if this was iris I’d feel the same’ I will set you on fire, it’s not the same. I’m not like you, I’m not even sure I like you so either give me some facts or stop talking” Mick said looking more deadly by the minute.

“Right ok” Barry said a little fear and panic in his voice and Mick took comfort in it, “ok we are tracking all weird and usually activity and energy signals like we did before the problem is they are so erratic, we find something in one direction and it changes” Barry explained,

“I’ve been looking at unusual reports such as people seeing a man fly into the clouds but again I get it to a certain area and then there is a report on the other side of the country, Ray is moving pretty damn fast” Jax added.

“Sorry Mick I want to have better news but honestly all leads have just disappeared, we scanned for heat signatures and it’s like Ray just blinked out and unlike last time he isn’t carrying Kryptonite for us to track” Sara said sounding disappointed.

Mick was about to hurl some more abuse when he noticed she had balled her fists and he recognised the gesture for what it was. She was angry and frustrated too, she wanted just as much to go and hit something but as leader she had to keep it together, she had to come across as composed as Barry did and Mick couldn’t begrudge her that. This is when Kara walked onto the bridge wearing her own look of concern.

From the time he last saw her she had healed a bit more, there was still bruising and she carried herself like someone that had been in a serious fight, a little more stopped like her inside were still on the mend. Mick didn’t want to make eye contact he still felt guilty he wasn’t able to get Ray to calm and therefore Kara had been taken by surprise and was now looking the worse for it. But then he also got angry, angry at her and he glared daggers at her. Mick realised he had nothing to be guilty about and maybe if she hadn’t have tried to restrain Ray it wouldn’t have triggered the memory that made Ray lose control.

“Ok guys what do we have, how can I help” She said with optimism and determination.

“I think you’ve done enough, Skirt” Mick said with bitterness earning him a look of disbelief from Barry and Jax.

“Um, sorry Mick but I” Kara started to say looking confused and then she started, “I know how you must feel and are worried about Ray but getting...”

“Don’t you even dare, you have no idea. In fact you are the one that put Haircut in a position where he lost control, if I remember it was me that got him to calm down last time, you didn’t help in the slightest” Mick spat out.

“That isn’t fair!” Barry said coming to his friend’s defence, “Kara didn’t know training would cause a memory trigger. We warned you, we said we wanted to make sure the chip wasn’t damaged and there wouldn’t be any side effects. Maybe if you’d thought with you head and not well, we could have seen the risks and been ready in case Ray went berserk” Barry said himself sounding angry. 

“Guy’s this isn’t the time, fighting amongst ourselves isn’t going to help Ray” Kara said loudly.

“Oh I don’t know, if Red wants to go I’m game, pretty sure it will make me feel a whole lot better” Mick said his tone low and dangerous.

Mick hadn’t realised that Sara had walked up to him and almost jumped out of his skin when she placed a hand on his shoulder. He was ready to take a swing, to shout abuse at her and find a way to blame her to but the look on her face stopped him. There was rage there, some of it at him and some clearly for herself.

“You can punch Barry latter, hey I’m giving you a free swing at me if you want it but we have to save Ray” Sara said with the kind of understanding Mick hated and then in a voice only Mick could hear,

“Being in love is scary and can make us dangerous but remember who it is you’re getting this angry over, imagine if Ray saw this would you want the person you love to see you right now” Sara finished looking at him determinedly and Mick hated her for it.

He took a deep breath and remembered how much it hurt to see Ray standing there full of hate and rage every bit the monster he feared he was. Mick calmed, Sara was right Ray would hate to see him raging like this and worse Mick didn’t want to be a monster either, didn’t want to be that man.

“You can apologise later” Sara said with a quirk of her lips, “but for now how about we work together to find our friend”.

Mick nodded feeling some of the hate fade away, he still wasn’t sure he wanted to talk to Barry so instead choosing the lesser of two evils turned to Supergirl.  
“Ok Skirt can’t you use your alien powers to sense him or something, some kind of Kryptonian mind link?” Mick asked.

“Um were not a telepathic race Mick so unfortunately it doesn’t work like that” She said with such genuine disappointment that Mick almost didn’t hate her. Ok hate was a strong word but still he was a little less angry at her.

“Guys there was a large energy reading in the North Pole maybe an hour ago, scientists said that it’s possible a meteor impacted and teams are on the way to investigate. It might not be related but it stands out as something odd” Jax said happy to have everyone slightly more on the same page and not about to go a few rounds here on the bridge.

“The North Pole!” Kara said with renewed excitement.

“That mean something to you Skirt” Mick said curtly.

“Yes well I told Ray about this place my cousin built in the North Pole called the Fortress of Solitude, maybe just maybe Ray thinks he can find it, somewhere in his confusion he’s going there” Kara said hopefully.

“You think Ray is subconsciously going to a place you told him about, why there?” Sara asked.

“Because I told him that’s where he can see and hear a message from his birth parents, it’s where Kal-el goes when he’s feeling lost and confused, a refuge a place to collect himself. Give me the co-ordinates and I can fly there now” Kara said determinately.

“Ok but we will meet you there” Sara announced followed with, “Barry let your guys know and maybe have Star labs prepped for when we return in case we need the med bay.

Everyone nodded Barry speeding off to Star Labs and Kara heading out to where the reported meteor may have landed, hopefully before these science teams arrived. Sara got into the captain’s chair letting everyone know the plan and soon they too were heading to the North Pole. Mick felt a knot in his stomach, he wanted to make damn sure they found Ray before anyone else did. He was sure the thought was going around the others heads, which Ray would they find.

He knew Kara would want to get there fast in case Ray was still in a bad memory as she would be prepared now to face him. Mick hoped to god that wasn’t the case, he didn’t want to see Ray getting taken down, he wanted to get there and reason with his lover, get him to calm down and come back to him. But worse was what if Ray was lying in a crater and the science teams found him, what if he was hurt and unconscious and they took him soon realising they couldn’t use their medical equipment. What if Ray woke in another lab alone and scared and what if the people that find Ray realised they’d found something special and Ray was again a subject of scientific curiosity and experimentation. If this was the case Mick was ready to burn down another lab and he didn’t much favour the odds of anyone that touched his man.   
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

 

He woke up not knowing where he was or who he was and there was a rising sense of panic. He was in a large and very comfortable bed and as he sat up he took in the room he was occupying. It was modern and tasteful with a large window offering a beautiful view of a city scape. He notice a few monitors around, very high spec and seemed to be reading his heart rate, brain activity and monitoring him in general. Was he sick, was this a high class medical facility. He felt about and noticed that he had a small device attached to the back of his neck and a very high tech looking wrist watch. These must be what was monitoring his body functions and feeding the results and info to the monitors he saw. From the looks of it his life signs were pretty good but he seemed to have a lot of trauma on his brain scan.

Two things struck him as odd, one was that he somehow knew what these devices did and how to read the information on the screen and secondly now that he’d looked about he wasn’t panicking but somehow felt that he was accustomed to this level of technology and wealth. He was worried that he had no memory of who he was and judging from the unhappy looking brain scan there was a good reason for it. 

It was then the door opened and a well presented maid came in with a tray of food and smiled at him placing it on the bedside table. She poured him a cup of tea before leaving the room and left the door open. Immediately a man walked in a mixture of concern and happiness on his face. He was well dressed and held himself with dignity.

“Good morning Doctor Palmer, I hope your find my guest room comfortable. I didn’t know if you’d be up for moving around yet so thought I’d bring breakfast to you” Came his confident voice.

So he was a Doctor that explained why he could understand the monitors.

“Um, thank you, uh…” He began to say noticing the fall of the gentleman’s face a little bit of disappointment there.

“I suppose it was too much to hope you’d remember me, Lex, Lex Luthor. You probably know my firm Lex Corp, well our companies did use to do a lot of business together” Lex said regaining his composure and speaking with pride.

“Truthfully until you said Doctor Palmer I didn’t know who I was so sorry if I seemed offensive not knowing you but um where am I and well what am I a doctor of?” he asked and watched as the surprise fell over Lex’s face.

“You really don’t remember who you are, I wasn’t expecting that, I mean from your scans you’ve had some extreme trauma, sorry I ramble. You’re Dr Raymond Palmer, founder of Palmer Tech, one of the leading innovations company in science, research and development. You’ve been missing and I was hoping you’d be able to fill in the rest. I found you and brought you here to recover. This is my penthouse in Metropolis” Lex explained and Ray felt confused and a little ashamed he didn’t remember anything.

“Well I should thank you, clearly you found me when I needed help and have been caring for me, and any chance you know what’s causing my current situation” Ray asked knowing that somehow finding answers and talking science was a natural state for him.

Lex smiled appreciating the inquisitive nature of Ray’s questions and went to stand by the screens waiting for Ray to join him.

“Ok so apparently on record you died but that was clearly a cover up, does the words Meta Human ring a bell” Lex asked but from Rays confused face got his answer.

“Ok looks like you have some catching up to do, I will link you all information I have on the subject for you to read and watch. But 3 years ago in Central City the particle accelerator at Star Labs exploded and released Dark Matter that has changed the DNA of many people causing them to develop abilities. I believe that this happened to you. Now I can’t explain where you’ve been the last 2 years or why you didn’t show any abilities that year before your supposed death but I can show you footage of you using these abilities recently.” Lex paused looking at Ray.

Ray was trying to digest the information it was a lot to take in, “What kind of abilities?” he asked.

“For you it appears to be flight and heat vision. I think it’s best for you to look at the footage and data yourself rather than I explain. All I know is that somehow you got involved with other’s that are down as dead or missing that aren’t and those with powers. But something has gone wrong. I found that someone has put a chip inside you, it’s damaged to the point where I don’t think it functions but I’m running analysis on its purpose. I think it may have something to do with your memory loss” Lex finished and looked at Ray’s concerned face.

“Doctor Palmer I promise that I will do everything I can to help you get your memories back, I have respected you and wanted to work with you. If I can get you answers and help in any way I will, so please trust me and take you time. You need anything just ask, my home is yours for the time being” Lex said grandly before excusing himself so he could send the data he had talked about.

Ray was puzzled and a little overwhelmed but he had no choice but to trust this Lex Luthor. He went to sit on the bed trying to work out how to feel, if this was really happening and he had no reason to doubt the man why did he feel like he wasn’t supposed to be here. He really needed the help and appreciated Lex’s offer but something was nagging at him, like someone else was meant to be helping him. Before he could really think the maid came in with a laptop.

“Here is all the data Mr Luthor promised, he said for you to peruse and watch at your own leisure and that if you want to join him in the living area you are more than welcome. Feel free to call for any help or for more tea. Mr Luthor says you’re an honoured guest so anything I can get you I will” She said smiling.

Ray just nodded and took the laptop eager to start getting answers and putting the puzzle pieces together. He wasn’t feeling hungry so thanked the maid and was soon watching footage of what Lex had called Meta Humans, including a troubling clip of himself in a warehouse covered in blood and not looking to Corpus Mentos.


	23. Chapter 21

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 21

Kara had arrived at the coordinates to find nothing but a crater and no other signs of life. She had deduced quickly that Ray must have slipped into unconsciousness while being up in the air and had fallen, given the size and depth of the impact zone even with their Kryptonian DNA it would take a day or two to fully recover from the damage done by such a fall. As it had only been a few hours since they’d heard about it someone must have found Ray pretty quickly. The snow covered the area and any sign of human intervention or vehicles being in the area was already gone. Whoever found Ray could have gone in any direction but she had no choice but to try and fly out covering as much ground as possible in the hope’s she could catch up to their lost friend. 

The Waverider arrived not long after she did and Kara went to talk to the worried Legends.

“I’m sorry there is no sign of him” she said knowing that Mick was probably giving her death daggers. 

She had a feeling that he was pretty angry at her and while logically she knew it was displaced a part of her felt she was guilty. She should have been more careful in training and not done that hold. If she had worked more on avoiding projectiles rather than in flight fights Ray wouldn’t be missing now. She had got as excited as he had and then all hell broke loose causing the Legends to lose a friend, a team mate and Mick to lose someone he loves because she’d got carried away. She wanted to make it up to them.

“So there is a chance this was a false alarm.” Jax asked sounding hopeful.

“I don’t think so, that large impact crater is telling me something went down here, Kara your thoughts” Sara asked masking her worry with clinical deduction.

“Yeah, I would put money on Ray passing out mid-flight and crashing down here, I’ve had similar falls and you don’t walk away from them as quickly. Someone beat us to him” Kara said her voice quivering a bit with guilt.

“Ok first, this isn’t your fault, don’t say anything Mick” Sara said sounding reassuring and then shooting a quieting glare at Mick, “Secondly any chance that whoever took Ray hasn’t got very far”.

“I’ve tried flying around but it’s a little like a snowflake in the snowstorm out there and without clear direction I could be searching one way while they escape in the opposite direction. I’m sorry guys but I will keep looking” Kara said and turned to leave. Not ready to give up or face the worried looks of the Legends and the angry glare of Mick.

“You don’t have to…” Sara began but Kara was already out of sight.

“Ok so Ray was here and has most likely been picked up by someone, Gideon can you scan the area for any signs of life, for vehicle emissions or energy signals, anything” Sara said as Gideon started to get to work.

“I am afraid Captain Lance that the extreme weather of this area is effecting my scans, this may take a little time so please be patient” Gideon said.

“Ok there is nothing we can do until either Gideon or Kara finds us a lead, in the mean time we rest, we eat and we make sure were ready for whatever we have to do next. Be prepared for anything” Sara said as she went to stare at the console by Gideon willing data to appear.

Mick huffed and stormed off and Sara took a deep breath counting to 10 before following him, Jax gave her an understanding nod and Amaya said,

“Do you want me to talk to him?”

“No, it’s ok this is something as his Captain and his friend I need to do, you should be back in med bay resting and I suspect looking over Nate” Sara replied with a smile and went to find her fiery team mate.

As she suspected Mick was in the cargo hold wearing polar expedition clothes he must have just replicated, he was pulling down his goggles and just about to open the hold doors when Sara entered.

“You really think getting yourself killed is gonna help Ray?” She said and saw Mick flinch at her voice.

“None of yer business so can it Blondie I am going to look for my partner!” Mick growled out.

“It is my business when a team mate and a friend decides to go on a suicide mission cause he’s so worried about his boyfriend he can’t think straight” Sara replied but without judgment. 

“If you think I’m just gonna sit about while Haircut is out there, I’ve told you once that he may be a pain in my arse but I’m not letting him be left alone” Mick said turning a little to look at Sara with determination, letting her know that like last time he wasn’t backing down.

“Mick I get it and if I thought it would help I’d be right with you looking for Ray but it’s below freezing out there, with a snow storm and no clues what direction to even search in” Sara said trying to get through to the pyro.

“I don’t care, we both know Haircut would do the same for, hell he’d do the same for someone he just met” Mick said getting louder and more angry.

“And you would call him an idiot for doing so” Sara said back a little anger in her own voice.

This made Mick turn around and stare at her looking a little shocked and losing some of the defensiveness he had.

“Look Mick it’s not just about you ok, I want Ray back he’s my friend too but mostly I am not sure what he’d do if something happened to you. If I don’t keep you safe, if I don’t have your back until he returns then Ray isn’t gonna forgive me. I mean it’s Ray he probably won’t blame me, knowing him he’ll blame himself and that would eat him alive. Imagine if in your fool mission to find him you get yourself killed. We find Ray and I have to tell him you died cause you were so worried about him you went off into a blizzard. Ray is never gonna get passed that, it would break his heart, think what it will do to him finding out the man he loves died looking for him, you think Ray will never not blame himself” Sara finished getting a little more desperate at the end with the thought of what losing Mick would do to Ray.

Mick stared at her slowly taking off his googles, looking defeated and then horrified as it dawned on him.

“I just can’t sit around and do nothing” Mick said sounding quieter than he ever had. Mick then walked over to a crate and kicked it, Sara could tell he was wrestling with conflicting feelings but let him take the moment. Mick walked over and punched the release for the cargo door and looked out into the swirling mess of snow and ice. Mick raised his heatgun and gave a roar as he fired it.

Sara waited, waited for Mick to release his frustration and his anger until the man stilled, stopped firing and closed the cargo door.

“What the hell am I supposed to do, this feelings crap is just not working for me right now. This is when Haircut would say something dorky or mushy and I would insult him but feel better about the whole thing” Mick said sounding raw.

“I don’t know Mick if it was any of us Ray would probably have invented a way to track us or to help Gideon” Sara said sounding a little defeated again.

“Thanks Blondie you’re a real help” Mick said sarcastically.

“Fine, how about Ray would tell you, don’t fight your feelings let them warm you and bring comfort and if that fails how about we just go back to my room and get warm together” Sara said with a smirk.

“That is a terrible Haircut impression” Mick said but he relaxed a little.

“Well I’m sorry that I don’t know what you say to each other to get the other one in bed, though if you want to give me details I won’t mind. I’m just assuming Ray smiles at you like you’re the most beautiful thing in the world and you get so embarrassed you just jump him before he can say anything sappy” Sara said sounding pretty sure of herself.

“I think you need to get laid” Mick replied smirking fully now.

“Yeah well, after this we all need a night out to let off some steam. I can find myself some company and you can tell Ray how much you love him and he can tell you off for trying to get yourself killed for him for a change” Sara replied knowing she hit a nerve by the sudden blush on Micks face.

“I’m freezing, why the hell we are still standing here” Mick said gruffly before striding out of the cargo room with Sara close behind.

“When we find the idiot I am gonna tell him he’s an idiot, he better apologise for making me feel all this crap” Mick said grumbling the whole way back to the mess so he could grab a beer.

“Sure you are Mick, is this before or after you hold him close, kiss him deeply and look into those big brown puppy dog eyes” Sara said teasingly.

“Blondie you really are testing things aren’t you?” Mick said and then Sara just looked at him seriously.

“I just, I’m worried too and can’t do a damn thing to help and my default of wanting to stab the problem isn’t helping. Until we hear from Gideon or Kara would you mind if we sparred?” Sara said looking at him earnestly.

“So you want to use me as a punching bag, doesn’t sound fair” Mick said back.

“Come on I’ll go easy on you” Sara quipped back.

“Huh, don’t underestimate me but yeah a few rounds might relieve some of this energy” Mick said agreeing.

The two headed off both needing to get their anger, worry and fear out in the way they know best.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Ray Palmer, apparently once the CEO of Palmer Tech but now presumed dead was sitting at a large desk in Lex Luther’s penthouse. He’d moved from the bedroom after the desire to make notes and pace about and write on boards got too much. He’d been provided with everything he needed and soon the area was a mess of cliff notes and a timeline had been drawn on a board. He was feeling very much awake and healthy and had detached himself from all the monitors bar the brain activity one which he’d wheeled into the room as well. From what he could piece together he had to conclude with Lex’s findings that he was the man under The Atom suit but something had happened to create a late Meta transformation and it had not gone well. It looked like he’d almost taken out the team of heroes he was affiliated with.

The team was an odd bunch and he couldn’t quite understand how he ever became part of a group that consisted of an assassin and a con. Though even stranger was that he didn’t seem upset by this news and there was a strange familiarity when he looked at their files. What was weirder was his body had a weird reaction to the photo of Mick Rory getting a little warm and his heart beat quickened. Ray had no idea why maybe he was angry at the man or maybe he and threatened him and Ray was worried Mick was gonna cause him harm. Though this didn’t compute to the fact that it was Mick in the footage that came to his aid looking devastated at the bleeding and confused form of Ray.

Lex had given him his space to process and Ray appreciated it, there was a lot to take in but still it all felt unreal and distant. Ray had no knowledge of these people or how to contact them for answers. He didn’t want to make contact with Palmer Tech as for one thing he’d apparently sold his company and another he was supposed to be dead. Looking at the design work for The Atom suit was familiar and he felt that if he indeed built a super suit that was definitely how he would envisage it. But again he had no memory of where the suit was. So that was another dead end. Ray was a scientist and inventor, a damn good one. He may not remember who he is or how he got to Lex’s place but it became apparent that he understood everything he read and his mind was already trying to theorise ways to combat memory loss.

Ray had to work with the facts and the one thing he could do, and that was work out what this chip was and how it was responsible for his current state and could he reverse what had happened. Ray also wanted to run some tests to see what kind of Meta he was, reading through notes it seems that there would be signs in his DNA. He’d had large scans of the chip printed out but it looked far too much damaged and Ray was surprised if it did anything at all now but maybe he could send a pulse to give it enough power to do something. What Ray had no idea, he was coming up at a loss. It was time to ask Lex, Lex had headed out but left Ray his mobile number so he fired of a quick text. Weird how he had no memory of himself or his life but how to work things, especially technology was second nature to him.

Ray got an immediate response from Lex and that he was on his way back and would be there shortly. He decided to organise his notes, everything to do with this super hero team was put to the side in favour of two piles of notes. One pile was dedicated to the chip and the other to his abilities and how they related to being a Meta. He wiped off the timeline feeling it wasn’t necessary for the moment and pinned the enlarged chip image to the board. Ok now he was ready and on that thought Lex entered the room.

“Evening Doctor Palmer, I have takeout from Carlucci’s can’t work on an empty stomach” Lex announced carrying the bad of food to a dining table. 

Ray suddenly realised he was hungry but was also torn, he really wanted to have made more progress.

“Thanks, but can we eat in a bit I want to ask some questions, oh and call me Ray” Ray said smiling.

“Well Raymond, do you mind it rolls of the tongue nicely, as brilliant as we both are even geniuses need to eat, not gonna fix a brain if it has no energy to work with” Lex said with charm as he set up the table.

“I suppose your right” Ray said and headed over before curiosity kicked in, “Um where is your maid, sorry I didn’t ask her name”.

“Ah yes, sorry she doesn’t have a name yet she’s still a prototype and is recharging” Lex explained before adding, “But I assure you I’m not so spoiled I can’t lay out a meal for a guest” and Lex smiled at Ray.

Ray felt a sense of wonder and couldn’t help himself,

“She’s an AI, omg is she fully synthetic, biosynthetic. How much intelligence and awareness does she have, do you say she’s more android or cyborg or…….”

“Eat first Raymond then questions but I love your enthusiasm. I haven’t given her artificial intelligence, she’s totally synthetic and I haven’t labelled her as anything yet. Truthfully she has a very low power source and is on charge more often than she is awake. I was hoping to ask about energy sources from you but your current predicament means that will have to wait” Lex explained as he offered Ray a plate of veal escalope and gesturing to the sides on the table.

Ray sat and added some more to his plate absent minded before saying “I’m sorry” and then thinking it odd his go to place was to apologise.

“Nothing to apologise for, it’s not your fault your suffering from amnesia is it?” Lex said and he again smiled at Ray looking supportive and reassuring.

“No, in fact I want to help you with your current state and yes I do want to rack that beautiful mind of yours so we can collaborate but also can’t bare for you to keep having to suffer. I’ve seen the same files you have and want to help Raymond” Lex finished before starting on his own meal.

Ray felt the appreciation and smiled his big grin at Lex hoping he came across as eager and appreciative.

“Thanks Lex, I appreciate you helping me and once I’ve got my memory back and I know a bit more about myself I want to return the favour. I just hope that I’m as brilliant as you think I am, working on a power source sounds like a great idea, something to really benefit mankind. I don’t want to let you down” Ray said feeling a little guilty.

“Oh believe me, your definitely the right man for the job so don’t get disheartened and for the moment enjoy your meal.” Lex replied.

Ray felt a little stirring inside him, something about being appreciated and having someone’s faith meant a lot to him. Here was Lex trying to help him out but also praising him for his mind, he found he really liked having someone look out for him and make him feel capable. There was something about Lex Luther and Ray couldn’t put his finger on it, when he looked at him it was like he reminded him of someone and it gave him a warm feeling. Maybe he and Lex knew each other quite well before he got amnesia and that was why he was so happy to trust the man. Ray just couldn’t put the pieces together so decided it was best to eat and relax his mind before he tackled the problem. 

They finished their meal and Lex was serving up Italian coffee when Ray’s mind wondered back to the team he was apparently part of. He had been thinking how nice an evening this had been the level of luxury something he felt accustomed to as well as talking to Lex about his inventions. Ray had gone back to the subject of Lex’s Synth Maid and found that he could follow and understand all the science, he even at one point theorized a way to upgrade the charging device and Lex had called him brilliant. He was clearly used to and comfortable in this standard of living and in the company of genius. So that lead to again the thought of how was he part of a team with a thief and murderer. He wanted to talk to these people and find out.

“Lex I don’t suppose with your resources you could track down Sara Lance, Mari Macabe or Mick Rory. If we could we may get some answers faster, since I was part of their team” Ray asked hopefully.

There was an odd expression on Lex’s face then but it disappeared into a look of guilt very quickly before Ray could identify it.

“I’m so sorry Raymond that was what I spent most of my day doing, seeing if I could contact them. But they are well hidden as you would expect masked heroes to be. I have no idea where to locate them or how to contact them. Unfortunately it looks like it’s just you and me for the time being” Lex said and Ray could hear the disappointment in his voice and the way he looked down.

“Oh No don’t worry Lex if they are looking for me I’m sure they will contact me and in the mean time you and me are all we need. I mean what exactly are an assassin and a thief gonna do that two genius can’t” Ray said beaming at Lex and feeling happy when Lex returned the smile.

“Your right, together I feel like we can do great things Raymond” Lex said looking intensely at Ray with wonder and excitement in his eyes.

“You really can call me Ray , sorry it just feels right and I am looking forward to working with you” Ray said happily.

“You know what Ray” Lex said testing out the name, “I already feel like we were destined to meet, like we have a connection, I hope that doesn’t sound weird. I barely know you and you have amnesia so I must sound a little mad but I have a feeling we are going to be great friends!” Lex finished.

“I think your right, and I think we are already friends Lex” Ray said honestly and pleased when Lex looked a little embarrassed but then recovered quickly.

“Ok Doctor Palmer time to put our minds to the test!” Lex said with a wink and a smirk.

“Of course Doctor Luther, to the sciencing!” Ray answered with amusement and the two men headed to the work area Ray had set up.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
Lex had found that Ray Palmer was delightful dinner company just as he’d always thought and in the space of one meal had already found an improvement for his charging system. He’d worried that the memory loss would have compromised Rays intellect but that was not the case. It was only certain parts of Ray’s memory that had been affected, mostly his memory of self and what he had been doing up to the point Lex found him in the snow. At first Lex had been mortified finding the limb body in a crater looking frozen to death. Once he’d got Ray onto his artic transit vehicle he’d found a pulse and his heart soared. Somehow the man was alive.

Lex had made sure to return Ray’s body to the appropriate body temperature slowly so as not to cause any more damage but the medial scans showed so many broken bones and internal haemorrhaging that it was a miracle if he survived. But that was what Ray Palmer was a miracle. Lex watched in wonder throughout the whole journey back to Metropolis as Ray healed, breathing stabilised and signs of trauma disappeared. The only thing that was reading as odd was his brain activity. 

Lex wanted to make sure Ray woke in comfort and without fear when he had him taken to his penthouse and all he could do was wait and see what happened. The thing that worried Lex the most was this chip, it looked horrifically damaged and seemed to have a neural network throughout Ray’s brain. Judging from the scans this chip had been in place a long time but the damage looked recent. If he was a betting man he’d put money on their being a direct correlation between the damage done to the chip and Ray’s current condition. 

Things however had gone pretty well since Ray woke up and for one thing he hadn’t shot any beams of crimson and destroyed Lex’s apartment. In fact he was friendly and charming and more than willing to get stuck in, Ray was definitely a scientist. Lex gave him some space and went to collect some stuff they might need to solve the mystery of the chip as well as food. Just liked he imagined dinner had been perfect and Lex was grateful to talk to someone on his level of intelligence. Ray was a little more naïve it was clear to see and he couldn’t help trying to charm the man. He wanted Ray to like him, he wanted them to be friends, and he was enjoying the company, the intelligent conversation and having someone to work on a challenge with. He had been truthful, it was like they were meant to be.

Lex couldn’t fathom why someone as brilliant as Ray Palmer had ever been with these so called Legends, they seemed so beneath him. Lex felt a pang of guilt, he hadn’t wanted to lie to Ray but in that moment when he asked after Sara Lance and the others Lex had suddenly felt a surge of hostility towards them. They were clearly to blame for Ray’s memory loss, they must not have appreciated him, or been using his intellect for their gain with no concern of Ray’s welfare. No Lex was sure that the “Legends” wouldn’t have appreciated Ray the way he does and would definitely not have the skills or intelligence to help him. 

Lex wasn’t entirely pleased with himself as he thought he was above petty jealousy but it was apparent the minute Ray asked that he didn’t want Ray having any contact with his old team. He was also sure this was the best course of action for Ray. He was better off without them, they were gonna do great things together and Lex saw it as his job to protect Ray from those who would abuse his kindness. Yep he appreciated Ray and he felt totally justified keeping any information on their whereabouts from Ray.

Lex walked over to the work area that Ray had set up and the organised notes, the half formed theories and diagrams and smiled. Yes he was Ray’s friend, this man was a genius of his level and they were destined to meet.


	24. Chapter 22

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 22

The Waverider was a sober place at the moment, it had been two weeks and no word or sign of Ray. Team Flash had had a Meta crisis in Central City that had taken their attention and while Sara understood she was still a little bitter that they were no longer prioritising finding Ray. She couldn’t really blame them, they’d done everything they could but there was nothing to detect and not a single clue. Kara had been called back to her own Earth for her own crisis and again Sara had no right to stop her. Kara had at least promised to go through all the data with her team and also see if any of their technology could be adapted as a Kryptonian detection device. The minute she’d contained the situation going on in National City her team would prioritize Ray and she would return once they had a sure fire way to help track him down.

Sara was back to feeling useless and lost, she had to be a strong leader and Captain but was feeling defeated. She’d told the team to go help team Flash and while most protested she explained that with their help they’d be able to contain the Meta faster and then go back to searching for Ray. Martin and Jax had agreed to go help team Flash but this also may have been more to do with giving one Mick Rory some space. Mick was not taking being idle well, he’d mostly got very drunk and passed out in weird places for them to carry back to his room but if he ever woke in the process he’d start a fight with his helpers. 

Sara didn’t blame Jax and Stein they weren’t here to play nurse maid to Mick and Mick wasn’t helping himself. Nate had been the unfortunate one to try and get Mick from the mess to his room but the minute he’d got him inside Mick had woken and thrown a punch. Nate wasn’t prepared and crashed into a bench press. What followed was Mick shouting abuse drunkenly and saying he had no intention of going to his room, he didn’t want to be there. Nate had lost it a bit and was tired of Mick’s self-pity, yeah he was dating Ray but Nate was Ray’s best bro and it wasn’t like he wasn’t worried for his friend.

The two got into a shouting match, Nate giving Mick a piece of his mind about not being the only one missing Ray. Mick reverted to the jealousy and screamed back about Nate being jealous that Ray chose him. Mick was out to hurt and Nate was too easy to provoke. Eventually Amaya had to get between then and dragged Nate from the room. No one dared went near it after that until Amaya went to go check on Mick and try and offer him some comfort only to find the room destroyed and no sign of Mick.

Once she informed Sara she knew exactly where to find him and sure enough Mick was found passed out in Ray’s room. Sara had tried to talk to him explaining getting himself drunk wasn’t helping and he couldn’t just pass out around the ship and then take out his feelings on the team. Of course Mick had said he hadn’t got feelings and then had stormed off. The Waverider was still parked at the old base outside Central City and Mick’s last words were he was going to find somewhere else to pass out drunk and start fights. Sara just couldn’t find a reason to talk him out or it. She was feeling the pressure herself.

Nate and Amaya stayed on board diligently reading newspapers and blogs for any hint of Ray’s whereabouts, while checking all the scans for anything. Sara however just stared at the screen having the same conversation with Gideon. Even Gideon sounded tired as she announced there had been no sign of Ray, no Meta appearances that matched his description, no trace signals or anything to detect. Sara then decided to take to the streets herself, hunting down petty criminals to interrogate in the hopes someone had more information.

Of course there were no leads but it soon got out that White Canary was beating up street thugs for info and more and more criminals came her way. Some gave her any information they could to get her off their case and some came for the challenge of fighting a vigilante messing with their people and turf. Sara found that most of the leads lead to street gangs and low level criminals but taking her frustration out on them was better than doing nothing. She’d taken down two drug rings this week and Central City was showing a significant drop in drug related crime. The interesting nugget she had learnt was that there was a new drug on the market that targeted memory and it was the closest thing she had to a lead in the right or at least related direction.

Her latest lead had led her to a dive bar and it was there that she saw Mick again nursing a beer at the bar. She took a seat next to him and signalled the bar tender to get shot of vodka.

“So Blondie finally giving up and come to drink away your sorrow” grumble out a defeated sounding Mick.

“Not even a little and neither should you, what would Ray think…” Sara started.

“Don’t even try Ray would have found me by now, he would have kept searching and using that brilliant mind, and he’d stay positive and never give up. That’s why he is a better person than I will ever be or deserve” Mick said cutting her off.

“For god’s sake Mick no more pity party, you’re better than this and we will find him” Sara said knocking her shot back and asking for another.

“No I ain’t, I’m an idiot, there’s not a brain cell in there and I have no hope of finding Haircut. Every time I think about him I realise how useless I am and how I’ve let him down. I lost another partner and I don’t want to feel anything right now” Mick explained.

Sara felt the pain, she understood that drinking was his only way of not letting his feelings get the better of him, easier to numb out the pain but Mick wasn’t the idiotic unthinking man he exclaimed he was.

“Mick I know your hating on yourself right now but that’s not what Ray see’s in you. He’s with you because your loyal and he needs you right now, we can’t give up” Sara said earnestly trying to convince herself too.

“Yeah Blondie and exactly what can we do right now to help him, we get any damn leads cause I’m thinking about starting another bar fight, the beer here is shit, place deserves to burn down” Mick said with venom in his voice.

“Well funny you should ask but the reason I choose this lovely establishment is because I was following a lead” Sara said making it sound more impressive than it was, Mick didn’t need to know she beat up some drug dealer and he said that his supplier was at a bar and he might know something. But it did the trick and Mick looked genuinely interested and a little hope flickered over his face.

“Ok my contact said his drug supplier is pushing a new drug that improves memory, for those that want to relieve past experiences. Sounds like something that could interest Ray doesn’t it, apparently they have some high clientele, including a well-manicured and intellectual gentleman” Sara lied about the last part and even if Mick saw the truth in it he didn’t show.

If it meant they were doing something, anything that felt like they were heading in the right direction they had to follow this lead.

“Ok Blondie, who we looking for” Mick said gruffly.

Sara scanned the bar trying to find someone that matched the look of a drug dealer peddling memory stimulates and sure enough sitting at a table was a thin looking man, slightly glassy eyes sitting with a man wearing dark shades with a curtain of black hair who was counting his recently earned cash before putting it in his pocket. Sara gestured to Mick and the two of them headed over.

“Just the man were looking for mind if we join you” Sara said.

The man looked at her and was about to say something, probably derogative before he clocked the threatening presence of Mick.

“How can I help you?” He said sounding a little weary and looking between the two. Sara and Mick sat down opposite him, taking in the appearance of the thin man who looked lost in a day dream.

“Don’t worry about him, he’s just remembering the god old days” said the dealer with a sly grin.

“That is exactly what we wanted to ask about, were interested in your little product” Sara said calmly.

“You’ll forgive me but I find it highly suspicious that after two weeks of news that a blonde women is beating up drug dealers that you sit down and question me” said the man suspiciously.

“Looks like your more intelligent than the minions I’ve been talking to but if you’ve heard the rumours you know you don’t want to mess with me” Sara said coldly.

“I suggest you answer the lady or things are gonna get pretty heated” Mick said in a voice filled with darkness and a look in his eyes that left no room for debate.

“I’m gonna take the compliment about my intelligence and add my self-preservation. I will tell you what you want to know and then your gonna let me walk out of here” He said with a smile.

“You better not feed us any bull, we found you once we can again and next time I won’t be feeling so friendly” Mick said warningly and the man looked worried.

“If this is you friendly I hate to see you mad” he squeaked a little.

“Oh believe me you don’t want to anger this man, he’s having a bad week and I’m inclined to let him do as he likes” Sara said and it was punctuated with an evil grin from Mick.

“Ok fine, the drug is a medical aid that is in the process of being tested. It’s not approved yet and may be years off but we got a sample and in its current form has great potential for profit” the man said.

“Ok but where did the drug come from and how do you have it” Sara asked.

“Well it was being developed by one of the pharmacy companies but had been in development hell. Last week for some unknown reason, probably the whims of wealth or whatever but Lex Corp invested in the drug to try and advance its development. I don’t know why or what for so don’t ask” he continued.

“So someone was developing a medicine and Lex Corp suddenly decided to invest, how did you get involved?” Sara continued to prob.

“God knows why Lex Corp suddenly decided to fund medical research but alas they did and they advanced the time table. The drug was supposed to help with memory loss or recovery but it’s in early stages. The thing is when you throw money at a problem and ask for results quickly you get holes, in this case holes in security.” He continued watching them both warningly.

Sara glanced at Mick who still looked threatening but was also looking curious and putting the facts together.

“Lex Corp that is coming up more and more these days. Ok continue” she said looking back at the dealer.

“So yeah, where there is trial drugs, there are those that want to exploit them for profit and well I know a guy who works at the warehouse and he’s been accidently losing a package here and there? Lex Corp seem so desperate to get this drug working they are overlooking these little blunders and hey presto we have a drug ready to sell on the street. It has a few side effects” he said pointing to the glassy eyed man that was drooling a little but starting to stir and be a little more focused.

“But yeah, you zone out and the memory doesn’t last long and also there’s the loss of bowl control” He said with a giggle as the man suddenly focused, looked panicked and ran towards the restrooms. The dealer smiled and looked at the two of them.

“Thank you very much you have been a great help” Sara said and she got up.

The man looked relieved for about a second before Mick punched him hard in the face. Mick got up and followed Sara both paying no attention to the man currently nursing a broken and very bloody nose.

“So, I think we have ourselves a real lead, I’d say this deserves a drink but maybe you’ve had enough of those” Sara said giving Mick a thoughtful look.

“Ok Blondie fine we have a lead, time to sober up a bit and find out what the hell the Lex cop has to do with Ray” Mick said begrudgingly.

“Well it’s Lex Corp and according to Kara it’s run by Lex Luther and genius in both business and science and technology, on her world he’s bad news and the sworn enemy of their Earths Superman” Sara said as they made their way back to the Waverider.

“Trust Haircut to get himself kidnapped by an evil genius” Mick said but he looked more determined than he’d done in days.

“There’s no proof of that but at least we have something to go on now, we need to inform the team and I think you may need to apologise to Nate” Sara said sounding a little more like the mother hen again.

“Nate had it coming” Mick growled.

“Even you know that isn’t true, how was he supposed to know you don’t like sleeping in your room and feel better in Rays. Not like Nate knows that Rays room brings you comfort.” Sara said and watched at Mick went pale.

“That is not what happened, not my fault Nate’s jealous. Ray choose me not his nerdy little bro” Mick said defensively.

“I wonder who is really jealous, you know for a fact that Ray and Nate are friends, best friends to the point it can drive us all crazy but Ray has never thought of Nate that way and only has eyes for you” Sara continued.

“We get one lead and you go back to teasing, I’m not talking about this anymore” Mick said in a huff and walked in resolute silence.

Sara knew she’d got to him but was glad that he no longer looked murderous or lost, that he had a direction to go in and a reason to stay focused.

“We’re gonna find Ray, I know it he’ll be back where he belongs in no time” Sara said reassuringly and watched as Mick strode purposely.

“Yeah, whatever this Lex person is doing to Haircut, if he’s hurt him he’s a dead man. Ray’s gonna come home to the people that appreciate him, it’s my job to keep the nerd safe and not let anyone abuse him cause he’s too kind and trusting for his own good!” Mick said with determination.

Sara smiled, Mick was always more vocal when it came to Ray, she wondered if he knew what Ray brought out of him and how well Mick expressed what he was feeling when it came to Ray. Soon they would be reunited and she was sure they’d finally get to talk about it all and they would all be back on course for helping Ray so he and Mick could get back to being them and enjoying their new relationship. 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

The last two weeks had gone very quickly and while they hadn’t got Ray’s memory back Lex had been enjoying his time with Ray. He’d felt guilty at his lack of progress and when he had heard about a medical drug in development for treating conditions such as Alzheimer’s and patients with amnesia he had thrown his investment and weight behind it in the hope that it could be a help to Ray. Unfortunately it still was nowhere near ready and Lex didn’t want to risk Ray being adversely effected so had kept the matter from him. He soon found out that there was no point feeling guilty as Ray was an expert in feeling like he wasn’t being helpful enough. Lex had no idea what would have imprinted such a response in the man. Ray would apologise for not remembering things or not being more helpful and Lex had to keep reminded him that he was here to help Ray not the other way round.

Whenever they found themselves at a dead end they would work on something else to refocus their mind and clear thoughts of guilt and worry. Ray was one of the most positive people Lex had ever met, happy to help and use his intellect. He was also the kind of man that would forget to eat or sleep once he was in the zone and Lex had to remind him to do both of those. This meant that they ate many a meal together which gave them time to relax, savour good food and talk about the potential of renewable energy and a synthetic helper for the home.

The very first day of working on trying to figure out Ray’s Meta DNA they had tried to take a blood sample. This had ended with a broken needle and the realisation that Ray had indestructible skin so blood samples were out of the question. So they could only rely on scans as there was no way to take samples or even think of trying to remove the chip. They had then decided to test Ray’s strength and it turned out that he indeed had super strength as he casually bent steel bars. Neither wanted to run the risk of firing a hole through Lex’s apartment so they left testing the eye beams for when they could find a more suitable location. Ray had been incredible pleased with himself and this was when Lex pointed out the floating and soon it was apparent that flight was also part of Ray’s list of abilities, this being the one he wanted to test out the most. Lex had to point out that a man jumping off his roof and flying around the city would draw attention. Lex was very aware that he didn’t want anyone else to notice Ray or reports of a flying man to get back to the Legends so was very glad that Ray accepted his stance on flying being a no no for the time being. 

But this was as far as they had got and they were no closer to getting Ray’s memories back or what to do with the chip. The scans had shown that the chip was dead, whatever it had done it no longer did and was now just a piece of shrapnel in Ray’s brain. The neural network seemed lifeless as well but was such a part of Ray’s brain it would be impossible to remove. The one thing they both theorized was that the chip had been there for so long that even if it no longer functioned any changes it had made to the brain would be permanent.

Lex felt a sorrow at this and while Ray was working on yet another device that could stimulate the memory core of the brain he’d tried to look into Ray’s background and why there may be a chip in the first place. He soon discovered that Ray was a sickly child and something meant he couldn’t absorb sunlight properly, the details were vague on the condition and there was no medical trail. The Palmers had treated their son and at the age of 10 he was able to go outside and function like a normal child. Was this chip the medical breakthrough that meant Ray was able to walk about in the sun unharmed.

He shared this info with Ray and both discussed their concerns that with an inactive chip, what if he reverted and his condition came back. But in two weeks there was no sign of a relapse and in fact Ray was healthy, any trace of the damage done from the fall he’d suffered was healed. This must mean that the neural network must have permanently cured Ray’s condition giving both men hope. Lex had wanted to reach out to the Palmers but Ray wasn’t sure of the idea, saying something felt wrong about getting them involved so Lex left it. Ray was still supposed to be dead and was happy to stay off the grid for the time being until he got his memories back.

With all the information on hand they were still coming up on road blocks and this was how they’d ended up taking a break to discuss further improvements to Lex’s home synth. This was where they’d made the break through, already reducing the time it takes to charge her in half. After many a conversation about “testing her” and “to make her do” something she had been dubbed Miss Tessmacher as it was easier to say and abbreviated the most common words they used when discussing Miss Tessmacher. Ray had thought that somehow with an AI she would feel more familiar but they were a long way off that idea as she still couldn’t function without the constant recharging. 

They’d come up with theories and even a blueprint for an energy module so she could remain outside the charging port for longer. The difficult part was an energy source. Lex and Ray had put their minds together and Lex had come further in his research in the last two weeks than he had done in 2 years. Lex was very much enjoying working with another scientist and truthfully really didn’t want there to be any chance that if Ray got his memories back he would be tempted to return to the Legends. Ray was comfortable, happy and hadn’t in two weeks shown any sign of distress like what Lex had witnessed, he had no choice to deduce that being away from the Legends was beneficial and Ray was finally working at his full potential.

Ray himself had said that he was enjoying their research and that once he got his memories back wanted to continue on. They’d started to discuss the idea that once he had his memories, they’d announce his return to the world. They had a cover story, which he hadn’t been killed in the lab explosion but it had left him in a serious condition and suffering from amnesia, but now he was healed and ready to go into business with Lex Corp. It would make good PR, the genius inventor back from the dead and now working with Lex Corp would have tongue wagging. This in turn would mean people would have to listen to their findings in renewable energy seriously if they wanted a chance to hear Raymond Palmers story. They’d be in the limelight and therefore able to promote their research. They’d make great partners.

Ray had suddenly looked distant when Lex had called them partners like he was trying to remember something and that pang of worry and jealousy over the Legends returned. Lex had to make sure they didn’t find him and ruin his potential and the work they were doing together. Whatever life Ray had had with the Legends it couldn’t compare to the work he was doing with Lex and their plans for improvements for the benefit of mankind. 

The reports had started on the news and in the newspapers, Firestorm had been seen helping Team Flash. Lex had worried about this moment, made worse by the supposed sightings of White Canary fighting the drug trade in Central City. Of course Ray would ask if that meant they could be tracked down and contacted. How was Lex supposed to stop him being interested in the very public appearance of his old team mates? Lex had still stuck with the idea that while they had been spotted, there was no way to track them down. Short of roaming around Central City waiting for a crime to happen so they’d turn up what could they do? 

Lex could tell Ray was torn, go and do exactly that and hope he’d just bump into them or continue to help Lex make a real difference with their tech and find a way to reverse his amnesia. The turning point was a report that White Canary and Heatwave had been spotted in a bar in Central City interrogating a drug dealer. Ray the innocent picture of hopefulness had asked if there was any way Lex could check the bar out or find a way for him to go there and ask around for them. Maybe they could find this drug dealer and get a clue for where his teammates may be heading. Lex felt Ray pull away, the temptation of finding his team mates and getting the answers he wanted to strong for his curious mind.

Lex had to find a stronger reason for Ray to stay, he had to find a way to discredit the Legends and he felt ashamed that he was going to have to manipulate his friend, but it was for Ray’s own good.

“Ray about your team, don’t you find it odd that although it’s only been 2 weeks they are already following other leads and dealing with criminals. I mean if you suddenly went missing I would stop at nothing to track you down. I’d be so worried for my friend and yet well how do I put this, they seem to have moved on” Lex said in a friendly but concerned voice.

“I don’t know they are heroes, I mean the world doesn’t stop just because I’m not around, look at Palmer Tech they went on without me and well crime isn’t going to wait for me. Something must had come up and once they deal with this current mission they’ll be back to looking for me right” Ray said hope in his voice but a hint of worry in his eyes.

“I don’t know two team mates seem to be with The Flash and the other two are going after low level drug dealers in a city that The Flash protects, seems like a waste of the Legends. If I was them I’d let The Flash handle his city and focus on finding my team mate, unless...” Lex added and he saw Ray look at him with concern and knew he was getting to him.

“Unless you weren’t as important to them as you may believe, I don’t want to say anything bad about heroes but then again what could you have in common with an assassin and a thief. I worry that they had you around to help them out but didn’t really appreciate you as much as they should have.” Lex said sounding apologetic like he wasn’t trying to bad mouth anyone.

“You really think that maybe I’m not that important to the Legends and they’ve already moved on, it’s true I can’t see what our connection could be. They might have already found another tech guy and aren’t even looking for me” Ray said voice getting small and looking defeated.

“I’m really sorry Ray, I didn’t want to say anything I just want what’s best for you but it does look like they’ve moved on but haven’t you to. Didn’t you say that together we could do great things” Lex said trying to steer the conversation back to his and Ray’s potential as partners.

“Your right Lex, even as a vigilante hero I could never help as many people as the technology we’ve theorised could. Our tech could change lives, I owe it to people to use my strengths to help them. If the Legends don’t need me anymore then well I just have to find a new purpose” Ray said sounding a little sad and like he’d been abandoned.

“Ray I need you, they don’t know what their missing or who they are giving up but it’s their loss. You have me” Lex said in his most charming voice and he smiled at Ray relishing in the smile that greeted him.

“Your right, who needs them, I can’t be important to them if they’re not even looking for me and I have you. You’re a real friend Lex I have no idea what I would have done if you hadn’t saved me and brought me here. I feel like I’m doing good work, I’m safe and happy. What more could I ask for, well maybe remembering anything from before two weeks ago but you have my back” Ray said and immediately he froze.

Lex couldn’t understand why Ray was looking off like he finally remembered something, he started to feel worried.

“Ray are you ok?” he asked tentatively.

“Yeah, fine just felt like I’ve said that before, no wait like someone said that to me. I think someone was watching out for me I just didn’t always know it not until recently. Lex did we know each other before you found me?” Ray asked quizzically.

“Only by reputation, but if something is triggering a memory then that has to be a good sign. I promise we’ve only got to know each other recently Ray, I wouldn’t lie to you” Lex said sounding reassuring but still a little worried.

“No I know that, damn it why can’t I remember this, it seems important like I’m missing someone” Ray was getting frustrated and Lex had to find a way to bring Ray’s attention back to him but in a more positive way.

“Ray I have been keeping something, I’m so sorry I just didn’t want to give you false hope. I invested in a medical company that is working on a drug to help people suffering memory loss, it’s in early stages, not safe yet too many side effects. I didn’t want to introduce you to anything that would cause you harm wanted a safer product but maybe I should have told you sooner” Lex said filling his voice with regret and feeling pleased when the look of guilt creped onto Ray’s face.

“Oh god Lex no, I didn’t mean for you to feel bad or guilty. No of course you wouldn’t want to tell me until you knew it was safe, your only looking out for my wellbeing, all you do is look out for me and well didn’t mean to insinuate you were keeping secrets. I’m sorry you’re a good friend and well let’s forget it, let’s get back to work” Ray said apologetically and Lex was torn between guilt for manipulating Ray and joy that the subject had been changed.

“No I should have been honest with you, I will get you all the trial data, maybe with your genius you could see a way round the side effects and it will all turn out well for us, you could get your memory back sooner than we think.” Lex said and watched happily at the smile that spread over Ray’s face.

“Lex that’s brilliant, your right I should take a look myself at this drug and see if it’s the answer were looking for. I never thought to look at this from a biology point of view rather than a technological, you’re a genius!” Ray said happily and Lex felt relief.

Soon Lex was getting the data and all talk of the Legends had been forgotten, Ray was again focused on his cure and working with Lex, exactly how Lex wanted it.


	25. Chapter 23

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 23

Mick could do nothing but pace about feeling a mix of anger and relief, relief they had a lead but anger because they weren’t going anywhere yet and hadn’t brought Ray home. He was aware that he’d let self-pity and worry get the better of him and hated himself for falling apart so easily after Ray went missing. He’d never had to feel like this before, this caring about someone so much it hurt was new and the pain of Ray being gone with no idea if he was ok had eaten Mick up faster than he could deal with. He’d gone to default of drinking and getting in fights and was sure Ray was going to be disappointed in him. Mick had to learn to be stronger, being in love made you weak that was for sure but you were only as weak as your own insecurity and Mick had learned a lesson about himself. He’d learnt that Ray was the most important thing in his life and he wanted to be better for him, but still had a way to go when it came to appropriately managing feelings.

He had no idea what he would do if Ray was hurt or being kept against his will, what if Lex was experimenting on Ray, Mick was gonna destroy the man. Even if Ray got mad at him he’d rather that then knowing some fancy CEO thought he could mess with Mick’s man. He had so much energy they really had to go now. Sara had looked up Lex Luthor and while nothing came up to suggest he was in any way a bad person Mick hated the self-assured smile he had in every public photo.

“Smug git” he grumbled out.

“Just be patient Mick we have a lead we just need to know where we’re going” Sara said.

“Yeah wouldn’t want to go in a punch a guy for no reason” Nate said sounding bitter and Mick cringed.

“Look Pretty, I wasn’t in a good head space and I let it get the better of me, not like you can’t take a good right hook” Mick said trying to sound apologetic but failing as he still sounded tense and worried.

Nate must have recognised the apology for what it was and that while Ray was missing there was never going to be a calm moment for Mick.

“Alright, I’ll take that as an apology but I’m telling Ray ok so don’t think your totally out of the dog house” Nate said defensively.

“That’s right Nate, you tell on Mick to his boyfriend” Amaya said out in jest trying to improve the mood.

“Hey he’s my best friend you know, it’s not a guarantee Ray will take Micks side” Nate said pouting, “Aren’t you meant to be on my side?”

“At the moment I am on Ray’s side and hoping for his safe return to his home and family” Amaya replied.

Mick turned and looked at her then giving her a small smile and saying,

“I couldn’t have said it better”.

“Ok got it, looks like in the last 2 weeks Lex Luthor has been taking a leave of absence from his company and choosing to work from home in Metropolis. No one really knows why, he’s only been seen buying expensive take out for 2” Sara said her eyebrow quirking,

“Looks like he did indeed invest in a pharmaceutical drug for patients with memory loss but apart from that and buying dinner no news on him. I guess we go and visit the man, have ourselves a little recon and see if Ray is with him” Sara announced.

“Why not just bust in and demand where he is hiding Haircut!” Mick said voice low.

“Because we don’t have any proof that Ray is with him, or the one he’s buying food for or that he’s holding Ray against his will. We have to be certain Mick.” Amaya said being the voice of reason.

“If Haircut wasn’t being held he’d have contacted us, he’d have found a way. No way he would let himself be held prisoner and no way he’s just having a jolly old vacation from us” Mick said a little more anger in his voice.

“Mick I understand how you feel but we have to play it safe, if not for any reason that if Ray is in danger and we charge in we risk Lex panicking and doing Ray harm” Sara explained and Mick let it sink in before nodding.

Mick practically threw himself into one of the chairs on the bridge ready for this mission to start so he could get his boyfriend back. Sara headed to the Captain’s chair and once the Legends were seated she launched the Waverider for Metropolis. Once there they cloaked and set off to recon Lex’s apartment at night to stay as hidden as possible. Firestorm was still with Team Flash so the four remaining team mates put on their civilian clothes and got to work. 

Predictable Lex’s apartment building had good security and a door man, meaning that they had to find a different way in but once they had been dropped off by the drop ship onto the roof things went smoothly. Mick knew the security system for the roof door that allowed them to pass into the building. Amaya used her totem and remained on the roof, she was going to scale down the building and try and see if there was an open window into the penthouse. Nate, Mick and Sara made their way inside, Nate was to watch the apartment door and Sara and Mick headed to the security office to check out camera footage and erase any sign of their presence. 

Mick had done this begrudgingly but Sara reminded him he was their expert when it came to security systems and she also didn’t want to risk Mick confronting Lex if he should appear from the apartment. It took less than a minute for Sara to knock out the security guard in the room and soon he was tied up in a corner so Mick could get to work disabling security on the door to Lex’s apartment. The minute it was done Sara gave Nate the signal to enter the apartment.

Once inside he opened a window for Amaya who had been crouching on the balcony and the two took in their surroundings.

“Sara there is no one here” Nate said over the comms.

“What you mean, no one at all” Mick said with frustration.

“That tends to be the meaning of no one’s here” Nate said back with equal frustration.

“Both of you behave, we have a job to do” Sara replied.

“There’s a work area here, I’m taking some photos but since I can see scans of Ray’s chip, files on us and Ray’s medical records even if Ray wasn’t here Lex is definitely involved” Amaya explained.

“I knew it, that bastard has him and god knows what he has planned” Mick said getting angrier and making to move.

“Calm down Mick, let Amaya and Nate finish searching before we go in guns blazing” Sara said in a calm voice.

“There’s definitely two people been living here, two of the bedrooms are in use judging from clothes, one is barely touched but has monitors in it as if someone’s health was being monitored” Amaya said.

“Yeah there is two of everything in the draining rack of the kitchen, plus a loaf of gluten free bread, not that I’m saying that’s unusual but...” Nate said.

“See Blondie, Haircut was there, somehow Lex knew we were coming and has hidden him” Mick said.

“Amaya can you tell anything else from the work area, any clues as to what Lex was working on, if it’s a threat to Ray” Sara asked.

“There’s a lot of notes on the desk and equations on a board, I can make out two sets of handwriting. I’ll photograph it and send it to Gideon to look over. I have to admit I don’t understand any of it but looks like the most recent files are on a company called Bright Pharmaceuticals. It seems to be about this memory drug their testing.” Amaya explained.

“Ok guys, get out of there and we’ll meet you on the roof, we have enough to go on and I don’t want to risk us getting caught” Sara said into the comms.

“Your just making us leave!” Mick growled at her.

“Look we have another lead and we have to play this safe, Ray’s life in on the line” Sara said knowing that phrase would get Mick to play ball.

“Fine, but I want to look over the security footage” Mick grumbled out.

“Ok good idea, it may show them leaving the apartment, well make a copy and then wipe the lot.” Sara replied.

It didn’t take long and soon Mick had got the footage, wiped the remainder, set the security system on loop so they could leave without anyone knowing they’d been there and turned back on the door locks for Lex’s apartment. Once back on the roof they called for the drop ship to take them back and go over their findings. Mick wasn’t feeling any better or calmer about the situation, he still had no idea where Ray was or if he was ok. He didn’t know what kind of designs Lex had on him or how much trouble Ray could be in and it was still eating at him.

Mick couldn’t help it the minute he was back on board the Waverider he got himself a beer to take the sting off before returning to the bridge and hearing what Gideon had found out. Mick needed a win, anything to take the knowing guilt, fear and anxiety that was threatening to take hold. He’d held on thinking they were about to find Ray and he wasn’t prepared for this bloody mystery tour. He itched to get drunk and forget all the emotions he was feeling but he’d tried that and it hadn’t helped, he had to be better than that so that Ray wouldn’t be disappointed in him for turning into a self-loathing mess without him around. 

Mick just wanted Ray back, he wanted to see that ever cheerful face, full of positivity look at him. He was loathed to admit it but he’d gotten used to Ray looking at him in wonder and appreciation. He wasn’t sure when he’d grown fond of that look, or when he started expecting it. He liked being looked at like he meant the world and he was missing it, missing Ray and the way Ray made things feels better. Damn it he missed the Ray of sunshine that was his boyfriend and things just seemed dark and dull now.

He hoped to god Ray was ok, he’d never forgive himself if Ray was suffering and he’d gone on pity party bender, how could he have been so selfish. He knew why, he was accustomed to the look of love, the feeling special that when it was taken away from him he freaked out because he was missing feeling like the centre of someone’s world. He was stupid and selfish and had gone to pieces because he didn’t have his boyfriend around to look at him lovingly, what a sap. No wonder he had to drink that feeling away. He’d got violent because he felt frustrated he couldn’t do anything and now he had to make sure he held it together.

Mick was going to hold Ray tightly when he got back, he was going to make sure he looked at Ray like he was the world so for the love of god could they get a decent lead so he could rescue his boyfriend. It was then that Gideon announced her analysis of the handwriting and that one set did indeed match Rays. Mick felt a weight lift, Ray had been there, they had been so close but it was the first real lead they had got. He heard the sigh of relief from other team mates at the news.

“This means we could have just missed him, there’s every chance that he will return to the apartment too” Nate said with a smile looking overjoyed.

“Or as I told Blondie, Lex found out we were coming and has taken Ray to a different location” Mick said being the voice of worst case scenario and didn’t want to get his hopes up too much.

“I looked over the notes and data and it appears Doctor Palmer and Doctor Luthor were trying to find a way to analyse Ray’s powers assuming he is a Meta but also find a way to deal with the chip. They have also been working on a synthetic housekeeper and sources for renewable energy. There is also a lot of research on memory so I assume they are trying to find a way for Ray to remember his past for himself” Gideon finished.

The team looked around worried each one thinking the same thing, which was if Ray gets the memories of his childhood back he was in for more heartbreak and pain.

“No that’s not right, Haircut said he was gonna leave the past behind, we’re gonna move forward. Why is this Lex guy making him dig up those memories” Mick said with rising concern and anger.

“I’m not sure, something is off. Why are they working on energy sources and synth humanoids? Sounds like they’ve been doing other research while also trying to cure Ray” Amaya asked.

“You think he’s helping Ray, you think their working together, you really think Ray’s there by choice” Mick said his voice beginning to rise.

“That’s not what I meant” Amaya said trying to calm Mick’s wave of anger.

“Amaya has a point it doesn’t add up, it doesn’t feel like Ray is there by force so there has to be a good reason why he’s not contacted us” Sara added hoping to get through to Mick.

“Yeah, he’s brainwashed him, doing some weird memory shit so he can keep Haircut around and get him to work on his problems” Mick spat out.

“From the looks of it the tech they have been researching would make a real difference in society, there are some amazing ideas that would greatly benefit mankind” Gideon started to explain.

“Can it, don’t give a shit about bettering mankind, I know Ray, somehow Lex has done something to make him his slave or something. Haircut is a genius, of course some tech dude would want to keep him around but there is no way he’d abandon us, there’s no way he’d just abandon me” Mick said the last bit quietly but there was no denying the fear in his voice or the fall in his features.

“You could be right Mick and we have to think of that as an option” Sara announced and Mick looked up at her glad someone was seeing what he was seeing.  
“Gideon what about the security footage?” Sara asked.

“For the last two weeks only Lex has entered and left the apartment. Curiously there is no footage from the day Ray went missing as if it was deleted. There is however a brief piece of footage of Lex leaving the apartment earlier today with another man. From the height and build I would say it is in fact Doctor Palmer but he is wearing shades and a scarf to hide his face” Gideon explained.

“Show us the clip Gideon” Sara replied.

Sure enough it was brief as if someone deleting the file hadn’t quiet gone back enough to get it all. Lex leave the apartments and for a brief moment another figure follows. The figure is taller than Lex but face mostly obscured by large framed glasses and a plain scarf thrown around his neck that was wide enough to hide his chin and mouth. But for the legends and Mick in particular there was no way that wasn’t one Ray Palmer.

“We have him, that’s Ray!” Shouted out Nate in excitement. “Gideon any idea where they headed?”

“I’m afraid not Mr Heywood, once outside I lose track of them, but as said earlier the last file open on top of the desk was the one for Bright Pharmaceuticals” Gideon answered.

“So that’s our next lead, ok team lets go break into a drug company” Sara said adding some extra cheer to keep moral up.

Mick grumbled about this being a damn cat and mouse chase but went to follow the team. This better be their last clue, he better be about to find Ray and he was seriously going to kick the arse of one Lex Luthor for brainwashing his boyfriend and keeping them apart. 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Ray was feeling really good about things, he felt like he was so close to a breakthrough. At first Lex didn’t like the idea of leaving the apartment and Ray understood that since he was unsure if that would open him up to public knowledge or if his powers may kick in and everything go wrong. Indeed he understood the risks but he’d convinced Lex that they should go to Bright themselves to look at the research and take a more hands on approach. Ray was certain that if he could work in their lab with the drug itself he may be able to help speed up its development and reduce the side effects. He knows part of his reason was selfish but if he could help get a drug ready that would be of benefit to everyone and also help with his own memory loss than everybody wins.

Since he was supposed to be dead he knew people wouldn’t be expecting him to just appear in public and Lex had said that the lab would be deserted in the evening leaving him to have free range once he arrived. Lex was worried though that if he appeared in public without any kind of disguise it may be a risk. So a pair of glasses later, a new suit (curtesy of Lex) and a rather nice scarf and most of his features were hidden. He did wonder if his old team were looking for him would they recognise him and if they did would they come looking for him. Ray was ready for that option, the work he was doing with Lex was too important to give up, they made a great team, a great partnership so he wasn’t going to go back to the Legends. Lex had made him realise that they had probably been keeping him around for his intellect and to be of use to them and he didn’t need a team like that.  
No if the Legends came to try and take him back he would say no, he wasn’t their puppet he had a higher calling, as Lex had put it and Lex had his back. Every time he thought this it made him feel warm and safe inside which was proof that he was making the right choice. The Legends could fight villains without him he had humanities best interest at heart and once he got all his memories back he would be able to concentrate on the renewable energy source he and Lex had theorized.

It didn’t take long to arrive at the Lab at the Bright Pharmaceuticals headquarters and as Lex promised it was shut for the evening. They persisted to turn on equipment they might need and get to work analysing the live samples and seeing what the areas that were proving difficult were. Ray was prepared for a night of staring down microscopes and testing samples. Lex was on hand to run the data and provide Ray with the analysis he’d need to make alterations to the drug. Ray knew this wouldn’t be an overnight process but if he could get closer to a working sample that was ready for live testing that was half the battle.

Imagine Ray thought if he could solve the side effects or make the drug target the right area of the brain to stimulate memory. Imagine if he could achieve it sooner rather than later, how good would having his memory back be. He’d have access to all his past knowledge and research again, he’d know what he’d invented in the past and what technology he could bring over to Lex corp. It was going to be amazing, He’d also know how he got powers and what they were, maybe even be able to control them better.

Imagine he thought, brilliant inventor by day making the world a better place and by night using his powers to keep his city safe. He wasn’t sure if Metropolis is was his city but if it was going to be the hub for his innovations then he wanted it to be a shining example, a place of safety and science, a real city of the future. Ok maybe he was getting a little carried away even with powers he’d decided that he was better off as a scientist than a vigilante. Hadn’t he decided that he wasn’t going to go back to the Legends, while they were good guys fighting crime, they worked in the shadows? If he wanted to be a symbol he couldn’t be hidden and unknown he had to be front and centre and he could do that better as Ray Palmer genius than some masked hero.


	26. Chapter 24

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 24

In a mere 3 hours Ray had made more progress on the memory drug than any of the researchers at Bright Pharmaceuticals. Lex had commented on this couldn’t be Ray’s first time working on such a formula but Ray couldn’t remember any experience he may have had with such a formula. Ray was pleased though and apparently very good at working under pressure, the theory had been sound and with Lex being pretty lab savvy it wasn’t long before they were pumping out trial doses of the drug. Ray was currently watching down a microscope as cells repaired themselves feeling very hopefully. The downside was that while he’d made a serum that was ready to be tested on a live subject, there was no way to inject himself as his skin was invulnerable to needles. But it was a start and just in case he had worked out a tablet form of the drug that was still being synthesized.

Lex looked at the data and concluded it was time for a live trial so feeling satisfied both men took a syringe and went to check out the lab mice. There was a control group but also a group of older mice and a group that really didn’t look any different from the control. According to the research the older mice were showing signs of dementia and memory loss due to old age and the other group while young were suffering from Alzheimer’s or had been given blockers that would impede their memory. It wasn’t going to be perfect but it was the best thing for the time being. If this serum worked then they would be able to start thinking on a way of how best for Ray to take it and if they had managed to get out all of the side effects. Ray and Lex got to work injecting a couple of the mice from the groups.

Now was the waiting game, they’d have to take blood samples from the mice but the big test would be seeing how it affected their brains. Putting fiddly transponders on mice to register brain activity wasn’t the easiest but they’d managed to and now stared at the monitors waiting for signs of improved memory. Ray realised soon after handling the mice that his eyes had become itchy and his nose began to tingle, he would have put money on being allergic to the mice but then the sensations started to fade and he thanked whatever meta power he had that healed him because this was not the time to find out you had allergies to the thing you’re working with. The monitors showed nothing yet so Ray watched the mice scurry about in their cage and something felt familiar about it. It was like he’d done this before, just sat and watched mice run about but if he was once allergic to the creatures then surely he never had pet mice or rodents and he wasn’t sure his life as a vigilante meant he was anywhere near the little creatures, not like they’d have a team mouse or anything.

Ray shook his head of the thought, the mice were cute and maybe now he was able to heal the allergy he’d think about getting a pet since the small rodents had a pleasing effect on him, something inside made him feel good when he saw them. He was broken out of his daydreaming by Lex suddenly giving him a shout and he looked up to see the excited face of Lex ushering him over to the monitors.

“Ray you have to see this look, I think you did it” Lex exclaimed.

Ray hurried over and sure enough plain as day on the monitors the brain scans showed improved brain function in the Amygdala, Hippocampus and the Cerebral Cortex. All the parts if the brain involved with memory were being targeted by the drug. Ray hurried to get blood samples off his new mice friends, he was going to adopt them, all 4 after this and give them names like Amy, Hippo, Cere and Tex. Since they’d helped him so much it was only fair he made sure they had a happy mouse life and also be treated well as an apology for all the blood samples being taken. The blood samples showed the same results and Ray felt warmth and happiness wash over him.

“Lex we’ve done it, not only will I get my memories back but think how many people we can help with this medicine” Ray said beaming.

Lex looked at the overjoyed man and smiled, a small part of him started to worry that once Ray got his memory back he’d remember why he was part of the Legends but another part new Ray would choose him over them. Ray was doing true good by Lex’s side, their friendship and partnership was surely stronger than whatever bond he had with his old team. Ray must have sensed Lex’s worry as his smile faltered a little.

“I know what you’re thinking and I promise once I get my memory back I’m sticking with you Lex, look what we just accomplished together, how could I go off vigilante style when I can make a real difference and you’re the person that gave me this opportunity. I feel with you I’m starting a new life and no matter what was in my old one can it really compare to this” Ray said smiling.

Lex felt a little warm under the happy gaze of the man in front of him and decided it was now or never to ask Ray for the one thing he’d been desperate to ask and hoped their bond was truly strong.

“Ray, I do have a big favour to ask you and please don’t think this is the reason why I’ve been helping you” Lex said watching Ray’s face look at him curiously, he could practically here Ray saying, ‘I’d never think that’.

“Ok so one upon a time our two companies worked together and there was a lot of weapon contracts, the reason I knew we were on the same page was when we started our own divisions of the company and bought out our parents shares we both took similar approaches. We left the weapons business to concentrate on innovation for the betterment of mankind.” Lex explained and noticed with relief that Ray had that happy understanding look back on his face.

“One thing I did find out is that before I got my hands on all of Lex Corp the Palmer Group was co working on some very high end weapons that used an energy source that just seemed out of this world. But the Palmer group started to withdrawn these plans and by the time I was in control of Lex Corp all signs of this energy source were gone and every attempt to establish a dialogue for it was meet with denial. I’d given up hope on trying to find it until…” Lex continued but saw the look of realisation dawn on Ray’s face.

“Until I created Palmer Tech and bought up the remains of The Palmer Group. I disbanded any weapons research division and put all personal and research into my own innovations teams. I would be the only person left with access or knowledge of my parent’s old research and therefore may know what the fate of this planned energy source is.” Ray said and he didn’t look angry he looked curious.

Lex let out a breath thankful that Ray the ever optimistic ball of positivity seemed to not think of Lex’s ask as a betrayal.

“Lex its ok I get it, if I knew there was some possible super energy source out there that could change people’s lives I’m sure I would try everything to find it.” Ray said positively.

“Ray you really are a true friend and the most understanding man I’ve met. The favour I want to ask is when you have your memories back if there is any chance you know what happened to the energy source would you share that information with me. If we find it then of course we’d share the acknowledgement, we’d share everything and use it together. You’ve been working on new energy for years before you were presumed dead, I think us meeting is a sign we were meant to create something world changing together” Lex said his own voice rising in excitement, he was also aware that he was feeling more arrogant than ever before, hungry for the knowledge and the power and praise that would come by combing his and Ray’s company.

Lex new there would be no stopping them, they’d be the top of the technology and innovation industry, if they created the new energy source they’d not only change the world, be the richest men that ever lived but they’d practically be able to rule the world as everyone would want what they had created. Lex shook his head realising he was getting ahead of himself and his first priority was making sure Ray got his memories back. Lex looked up to see Ray staring at him a little quizzically.

“Sorry lost in thought about how amazing a partnership we will make, but of course before that I will make sure I do everything to solve the mystery of that chip and make sure you are in full control of your Meta powers. You are my priority Ray, you’re the most important person right now!” Lex said and he didn’t realise just how it sounded as he saw Ray turn a little his cheeks pink. 

Did Lex mean to say it like some kind of romantic expression, he wasn’t sure all he knew was he wanted Ray around, they’d be gods of their industry together and he would never let anyone take Ray from him, Ray was his and he was gonna protect the man. Lex was a little confused and glad when Ray spoke next,

“Lex once I get my memories back I’ll do what I can to find this energy source, we’re gonna make the world a better place together” Ray said smiling.

The two men nodded at each other before busying themselves with taking some more notes on the mice’s brain development and blood samples. Ray distracted himself with choosing which mouse was going to inherit which name after that slightly intense experience. For a moment Lex had looked a little manic but Ray pushed the thought out of his head as he let the mouse he’d dubbed Amy run up and down his arms.

“Ray I wouldn’t get too attached to the mice the final check for the drug is to see how improved the brain is and for that we need a sample of said brain” Lex said clinically and suddenly Ray’s stomach dropped.

“But we can’t take a brain sample without dissecting them, I didn’t think of that, why didn’t I think of that” Ray said his voice dropping as the realisation dawn on him. Of course they’d have to dissect them, their scientists.

Ray put Amy down and looked as his little mice friends ran around their cage. Why had he been so soft, he was a scientist but yet something was screaming in him to protect the mice, to keep them safe and not let anyone hurt them?

“Ray I know you care about things but they really are exactly what they say on the tin, lab mice. If you want I can do it, I’m sorry.” Came Lex’s soothing voice.

Ray didn’t know what to say really, they’d used 4 mice to run tests on, 4 mice he’d given names to and now he had to choose one to get dissected.

“Lex I can’t do it, why did I name them! I can’t choose one to get dissected” Ray said miserable.

“Then let me” as Lex reached into the cage and picked out a slightly plump mouse.

“Nope you can’t have Hippo, just cause he’s fatter than the others doesn’t make his any less special” Ray said realising he sounded like a child.

“Ray I’m sorry but we have no choice” Lex said trying to sound reassuring but a little impatience crept in.

“Look how about we inject a new mouse, one I haven’t named and then…” Ray said but he knew he was being silly.

“Even if we do that it would mean waiting another hour for results and in that time you’ll learn to care about the mouse like the others” Lex said looking at Ray earnestly. 

“I just can’t do it, one thing to take a blood sample but to dissect them, to kill them it feels wrong even if it helps me, even if it helps humanity sacrificing a life doesn’t sit well” Ray said but he sounded defeated.

“Ray they’re just mice” Lex said and he looked at Ray with determination.

“Ok yeah I know, I’m being weird. I’m going to go work on the tablet version of the drug. I don’t want to see this next part” Ray said sadly as he left for the lab opposite.

Lex realised for a moment that Ray was far more sentimental than he was and that was a big difference between them. Lex was going to be the one to make the hard decisions in future as Ray had a soft side. Maybe working together Lex could toughen him up a bit help him get over some of that sentimentality. This would be Ray’s first lesson as Lex made the decision that it would be for the best if all 4 mice got dissected, in the name of science of course.   
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
Bright Pharmaceuticals had had a few research labs dotted about and it was another few hours of searching. Mick had been growing grumpier and more annoyed with every lab that had been abandoned and clearly not used in hours. Sara was beginning to get desperate herself, the last lab wasn’t a very subtle break in as she’d just asked Nate to rip open the door so they could walk in. But again they were faced with another research facility where everyone had clearly gone home for the night and not a hint of a new memory drug amongst the research.

This lab however looked more promising, for one thing it was the hardest to find and another it had far better security than any of the previous labs. Sara figured that this was where they were developing the top end drugs, the stuff that they wanted to keep out of the way and not have their research stolen, pharmaceuticals were all about money and this was their cash cow. Mick finally getting a chance to focus on something was able to break through the keypads that kept all the outer doors sealed and find a way to disconnect the alarm. At least they wouldn’t trip any alarms and if there were people inside then they wouldn’t see the Legends coming.

The building seemed quiet and empty with a few offices, a room filled with filling cabinets and a long corridor with a sign pointing out the direction to the laboratories. Mick had stiffened looking panicked and Sara laid a hand on her friend.

“Breath Mick ok, were going to find him and it’s not gonna be like what you found before neither of you deserve to go through that again” Sara said reassuringly.

She was well aware of how this looked and felt, even Amaya and Nate were tense and there was no denying the similarity to what they’d seen on those video files of young Ray. Sara kept telling herself that this was a medicine research base and not some human experiment clinic. It wasn’t really helping but she couldn’t freak out not when Mick was so on edge. What Mick must be feeling and thinking right now only brought her dread and she prayed that Ray was ok. At the end of the corridor there was clearly light and for the first time Sara felt hope.

This was the first place they’d been with signs that someone was about and it was clear that the labs had their lights on. One to the right and one to the left as Sara gesture to Nate and Amaya to take the left lab as she and Mick headed into the one on right. Once inside the lab she could hear the hum of electronics and the feeling that the lab had been in use very recently. She saw cages of white mice, monitors were on, something was making a small distressed squeak and she and Mick looked down toward the end of the lab to see a man holding a bodied scalpel. Sara knew what was going to happen next but even she didn’t have time to stop Mick from acting.

“What the hell have you done with Haircut” Mick shouted his voice angry and filed with violence.

Sara heard the sound of the heatgun go on and could feel the thirst for blood emanate off Mick. The man dressed in lab overalls turned a look of shook on his face as the heatgun was levelled on his forehead.

“I’m quite sure I don’t know what you’re talking about” He answered and Sara could see him tilt the scalpel ready to strike.

“I wouldn’t do that if I was you, Lex Luthor I presume” Sara said voice steely.

“Yes well done, I suppose even supposedly dead assassins do their research, pleasure to meet you Miss lance would you ask Mr Rory to lower his weapons not sure he’ll understand me if I ask” Lex said with a sneer.

Sara took in the man in front of her, for a man with a heatgun to his head and the full hatred of Mick bearing down on him he wasn’t scared and the initial shock was gone from his now determined eyes.

“I will when you answer his question, where is Ray Palmer and what have you done to him” Sara asked. 

“I can assure you I haven’t done anything to Ray, last time I checked I saved his life from nearly freezing to death and have been trying to help him” Lex said with an air of arrogance.

“Sure you have, that’s why you’re in a lab blood dripping off your knife” Mick growled out.

“You really are as dumb as you look, for one thing if you’d looked around you’d notice the brain scans for improved memory function, or perhaps that might be a little advance for you so how about the fact that I am clearly dissecting mice and not your ex-team mate” Lex said with exasperation.

“You are not making things any better, I’m beginning to get pissed and that’s when things start to burn” Mick said pushing the gun a little harder against Lex’ head.

“Look Miss Lance or White Canary. I know why you’re here and Ray doesn’t want to return the Legends. Don’t look surprised I have my methods and have found out a great deal about you and in all honesty I’m not impressed. Ray is fine and together were trying to help him come to terms with his new Meta abilities, and yes I know about them, and I’m working on trying to get that chip out. Me and Ray have a great partnership and are going to create tech that will change the world, doubt you can offer the same thing.” Lex said smugly before looking at Sara with frustration when she smirked at him.

Sara was wrong footed at first, Lex knew a lot more than she thought but then he gave himself away. He thought Ray was a Meta for one thing and had no idea about the chip. If Ray was truly with him of his own free will then why hadn’t he told him the truth?

“I think you think a little too highly of yourself Mr Luthor, so you know our identities but that doesn’t change the fact that your facing an assassin and a thief between us you’re going to tell us what you’ve down with Ray” Sara said sounding threatening. 

“I keep telling you this but I haven’t done anything to Ray, in fact he’s in the other lab. He’s here on his own free will and we are working together, I wouldn’t harm him we’ve become good friends” Lex purred but wasn’t expecting the blow that came from Mick.

Lex found himself on the floor and as he sat up he gingerly touched the place where Mick had punched him. He felt the trickle of blood from his nose and spilt lip as he glared at Mick.

“Kindly keep you attack dog in order, Miss Lance” He said coldly.

“I don’t like the way you’re talking about Haircut” Mick growled before turning to Sara, “Something isn’t right here, I don’t like this”.

“I know Mick but if Ray is next door than Amaya and Nate will have found him and well know for sure what is happening here. 

“What are you doing? Lex! God Lex are you ok?” Came the panicked and worried voice of Ray Palmer.

Both Mick and Sara looked up to see Ray enter the room looking flustered and wearing a concerned look on his face as he took in Lex sitting on the floor. Ray ran to Lex’s side and gave a defiant glare at Mick. Amaya and Nate followed into the room looking equally flustered and wearing their own looks of confusion and worry. Sara was beginning to feel very uneasy and this was only made worse by the look of anger Ray had trained on Mick.

“You brute, what do you think you’re doing?” Ray said as he addressed Mick looking at him like he had never met the man.

Sara stomach dropped a little but she couldn’t imagine what Mick must be feeling, Sara knew the look on Ray’s face. Ray didn’t have any recollection in his eyes all he had was anger at the man standing above him. Ray started to help Lex of the floor putting an arm around Lex’s waist to support him and Sara could sense Micks rage, jealousy and hurt.

“Haircut what are you talking about?” Mick said trying to sound angry or annoyed.

“Who the hell is Haircut, wait I know you, from the files, Heatwave. Well I know we used to be team mates Mr Rory but that doesn’t mean you can go around punching my friends!” Ray said in an admonishing tone.

Mick just looked like someone had stabbed him in the heart, his face fell as he looked at his boyfriend and then the rage flared again as he took in Lex’s smiling face.

“You, what have you done to him, I’m gonna kill you” Mick shouted.

Lex now was on his feet supporting himself the initial shook of being punched worn off as Mick threw himself at the other man. What Mick wasn’t expecting was for Ray to step between them and take the punch full on. Mick cursed loudly hoping he hadn’t just broken his fist as his punch did nothing to Ray. Ray looked at him coldly and Mick felt his heart break a little.

“I suggest to step away Mr Rory” Ray said before pushing Mick on the shoulders lightly but with enough force that Mick flew back nearly colliding with Sara.

The four Legends now stood together looking at their team mate and friend with concerned horror.

“Ray, it’s us don’t you remember us, were your team, your friends, you family” Amaya said her voice breaking a little at the end.

“Yeah buddy, come on we’re bros” Nate said his voice too sounding sad.

“Ray look Lex is up to something he’s not your friend, just come with us we can prove your one of us” Sara said trying to sound reassuring.

“Lex is the best friend I’ve had, where were you when I was uncurious and freezing to death, when I was recovering at Lex’s did you look for me, looked very much like you went back to business like usual. Lex is the one that helped find the cure to my memory loss, he’s the one that’s helped me feel valuable and safe. Lex has my back and even when my memory returns I promised I’ll stay with him, we’re going to do great things together. I don’t need any of you so please leave” Ray said sounding sure of himself.  
The team just looked broken not knowing what to say until Mick said in a small voice,

“You don’t remember me Ray, didn’t you promise me, and don’t we have each other’s backs. That man has brainwashed you!” his voice rising in panic a little.

“I assure you I have done no such thing and as a gesture of good faith I will give you access to all of our data, which proves Ray is suffering from memory loss and that we are working to fix it” Lex said with his usual charm.

Lex looked at the angry thief and say the broken expression, the way he looked at Ray was different to the others. Lex was an observant and smart man Mick Rory was looking at Ray like he was his lost love. That may have been the stupidest thing he’d ever seen, like Ray would ever fall for a stupid brute like Mick Rory. 

“Were not leaving here without our team mate Luthor” Sara said looking dangerous.

“Fine look at the data yourself go on” Lex said pointing at the computers.

Sara was unsure this was the kind of thing Ray would understand but she looked at the computer and clicked on the comms to Gideon.

“Gideon I need you to analyse all the data on this computer ok, I need to know the credibility of Lex’s story” Sara asked and Gideon explained how to create a link

The two parties looked at each other a bit more in uncomfortable silence waiting for Gideon to finish going through the files. Sara didn’t know what to do next, if it looked like Lex had brainwashed Ray how were they going to convince him to go with them, they didn’t really stand a chance against his Kryptonian powers. If Lex was right then they could do nothing until Ray got his memory back and really the only people close to achieving that was Ray and Lex. It also meant that Lex had indeed saved Ray and wasn’t a villain, they’d have to apologise and respect Rays choice. What would happen if Ray got his memory and still choose to stay, that was impossible. How was she going to convince Mick to leave Ray and Lex to their research and just wait for Ray to get his memory and contact them? 

Sara had no idea what the right call was going to be but all she could do was wait for Gideon to give her an answer and hope it led to a positive outcome for all of them.


	27. Chapter 25

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 25

Ray really didn’t know how to process what was happening, it was one thing knowing you used to be part of a super hero vigilante team but another to have them turn up trying to convince you you’ve been brainwashed and that you should go with them. He’d been looking at the new samples in the lab, he had a few pills in a small container each marked with their various dosages. He needed to test them further but needed a live trial and wasn’t sure how to proceed. He theorized that they would be slower acting than the injection but really what choice did he have with impenetrable skin. He was reluctant to try them on a new set of mice as he really didn’t want to be the reason more had to be dissected. He assumed it was just a fundamental character trait that he was a little soft and that he’d rather risk taking the pills himself than sacrifice even the life of some, albeit rather cute, mice.

This was the moment that two complete strangers walked into the lab and he almost jumped right out of his skin. He quickly pocketed the pill container, stilled himself and looked at the intruders before asking,

“Who are you and how did you get in here?” trying to sound a little intimidating but it came out mostly curious.

“Easy Ray it’s us, your friends, Amaya and Nate” the women said.

Ray just started at her and then at the person who must be named Nate, he must have looked just as confused as they did because they shared a look of not quite believing he didn’t recognise them.

“Ray, Buddy it’s me, come on man don’t leave me hanging. Bro hug?” Nate said trying to sound relaxed and cheerful but not quite hiding the worry in his voice.

“Ok I’m not sure who you are but you clearly know me but for now I would just stay where you are ok” Ray said his mind racing.

Ray looked at them hard and soon recognised that they were wearing the costumes of the Hero’s Vixen and Citizen Steel. These were his team mates for sure but he thought Vixen was Mari Macabe, oh well even geniuses got it wrong. He realised with a pang that he was relieved to see them, at first he thought he’d be mad as they hadn’t come to find him but maybe it had just taken them this long. Maybe this team did care about him and he could get some answers and fill in the gaps. He smiled at the two heroes about to ask them his first question noticing they both returned the smile warmly, looking at him like he was a long lost friend.

Then he heard a crash from the other room as something had been knocked over and he thought of Lex and raced from one lab into the other. He wasn’t ready for the greeting he saw, unlike the team mates that had just found him these two had cold hard stares, looking down on Lex as if he was a villain. Ray saw Lex on the floor and his heart dropped when he saw the blood. Clearly he’d just been struck and not too lightly by the towering figure of Mick Rory aka Heatwave who looked like he had murder on his mind. Ray knew immediately he had to go to his friend’s side, horrified that supposed team mates would attack Lex unprovoked.

Ray was helping Lex up and admonishing the man in front of him, this was why Ray hated criminals, they acted with violence and without restraint. He looked into the face of Heatwave trying to make sure the man felt his anger for hurting his friend when something inside him shifted. He wanted to hate this man but again it must be a character trait cause hate wasn’t something he felt. In fact there was something about Heatwave that made him think there was more to him than the brute that stood in front of him. He felt Lex’s arm around his waist and was momently distracted, no matter what Heatwave was clearly in the wrong for punching Lex. 

What made things weird was that Heatwave kept calling him “Haircut” and somehow he realised that he rather liked the name, but that didn’t matter now if his team mates wanted him to listen to them, then attacking Lex wasn’t the way to achieve this. 

“Who the hell is Haircut, wait I know you, from the files, Heatwave. Well I know we used to be team mates Mr Rory but that doesn’t mean you can go around punching my friends!” Ray said in an admonishing tone.

He looked back at Heatwave and was shocked to see the man’s expression turn sad, a flicker of loss before it turned to rage and Ray feared for Lex as Heatwave turned a murderous gaze onto him.

It happened in an instant, Heatwave threated to kill Lex and Ray knew he had to stop him. The punch connected with his face but did nothing and all Ray had to do was put his arms out and lightly push on Heatwave’s shoulders to send the man flying backwards away from them. This was what he was worried about, that his old team were punch first talk later types. Lex was right they were clearly here to force Ray to return with them and they didn’t care if they hurt Lex to get to him. He didn’t want to return with people who thought only about themselves, he didn’t want to just be a useful member of their team, no they had a nerve thinking they could just turn up and expect him to follow them back like an obedient dog. 

But then they had the audacity to try and make it sound like Lex was the bad guy, first Vixen and Steel tried to convince him they were family and then Sara Lance aka White Canary said Lex wasn’t his friend. How manipulative could this team be, they may be heroes but they had a poor way of going about things and clearly willing to sacrifice common decency and morals to make sure they got the job done. He finally got angry for real and thought it was time he put them in their place. After he felt better for getting it off his chest and the upset looks on his former teams faces.

This was when the small voice of Heatwave, no Mick Rory asked him if he really didn’t remember him. Ray was ready to fight him on the ridiculous notion that Lex brainwashed him but there was something a little lost about the way Mick was looking at him. Ray couldn’t bring himself to answer and suddenly he truly mourned his loss of memory. He was truly grateful for Lex taking over the conversation and proud of the man that despite the Legends rather rude treatment of him and accusations he was still willing to share data and prove his innocence as well as their research on a memory cure. Lex truly was a good friend as Ray let him talk White Canary into using a computer.

Ray zoned out for a while, he was sure he’d been addressed again but didn’t really take it in, White Canary was talking to someone called Gideon and he was doing everything to avoid eye contact with Mick as looking at the man made him feel guilty, which was stupid as Mick was the one that had tried to kill Lex. Ray was confused as he turned away with his back to the team and the staring contest between Lex and Miss Lance. This was when he noticed the work bench and the dissected bodies of 4 white mice. Why this was the thing that made him crack he wasn’t too sure but he felt his heart break at the site of the tiny dead bodies.

“Lex?” he said in barely a whisper not turning to face the man, “Why are Amy, Hippo, Cere and Tex all dead?”

It came out very childlike and he felt the atmosphere change in the room, it went from charged tension to a kind of still concern. Ray still didn’t turn round, not even when he felt Lex’s hand on his shoulder give him a reassuring tug.

“Ray, I know it’s upsetting but we’re scientists, it was their lives for yours” Lex said in a reassuring voice.

“But you said just one, did you have to kill all four?” Ray replied still feeling a little distant.

“Sometimes for science sacrifice is needed, I choose your life over theirs, the data we can get from comparing all 4 brain samples will mean a better cure for you. It was for your own good. Maybe next time we don’t name the lab mice, ok” Lex said with confidence.

Ray knew he was right but it still didn’t sit with him and he shook Lex’s hand off him, he really didn’t want Lex touching him right now. He couldn’t help it he was upset with Lex, he couldn’t place it but what Lex did felt like a betrayal and he mourned the little lives in front of him. 

“Come on Ray, they were only lab mice” Lex said sensing the change in Ray.

“Hah” came the loud grunt from Mick, “You really don’t know Haircut at all!” Mick said sounded more confident than before.

Ray turned a little at this seeing Lex and Mick glare daggers at each other.

“Yeah this rat tried to kill him and instead the idiot caught it and gave it to me as a present. Named it Axel, though Haircut wanted to call it Tesla, and the little bugger is pretty found of Haircut, grateful he spared his life and he gets to live a happy life” Mick said looking smug but also a little wistful.

“You see the Ray we know would never put a life before his own, the idea that a life would be sacrificed even if it could save his is just not in Ray’s make up” Sara Lance added looking at Ray fondly. 

He hadn’t been expecting this, this was not the team he had been led to believe, did he really fight a rat and give it to Mick as a present. I mean you don’t just go around giving pets to people you don’t like or aren’t close to. What Sara said also sounded reassuring, the softness in her voice and genuine warmth when describing his personality couldn’t be faked.

“Their right, I’d barely joined the team when Ray jumped out an airlock for me, then he sacrificed his suit and essentially his powers just to make sure myself and a village of strangers were saved” Nate added cheerfully.

“Yeah Ray has the most heart of anyone on this team, when given the chance to give himself powers he sacrificed that so that he could use the serum to save Nate’s life. That’s when I knew he was a true hero and someone I wanted to be on a team with” Amaya added.

“You here that Haircut, these nerds think you’re a big softy but I know you and you’ve had my back more than anyone. You took a beating for me when we still didn’t even like each other, knew then and always will that you put other firsts.” Mick said looking at him intently.

“I just don’t remember any of this, it doesn’t match up with the idea I had of you guys and my place on the team” Ray said sounding confused.

His head was spinning, this wasn’t what he imagined, hadn’t Lex said they’d just been using him for his intellect. So maybe Lex just theorized that and it wasn’t true, maybe they were ok people, they still shouldn’t have threatened to kill Lex but then again if Lex thought they were bad news would make sense that they had got it wrong about Lex. Maybe the Legends just came to the same wrong conclusion and if they got to know Lex they’d realise how much he’d done for him.

Ray also couldn’t help but feel this team knew him, they got his sadness at the sacrifice of his mice in a way that Lex just couldn’t see. He couldn’t hold that against Lex, the man was a scientist and was putting his life first so really no one was in the wrong. But the Legends had just left him and not come to find him, then again maybe he had been so isolated they couldn’t find him, it couldn’t be a coincidence that the first time he leaves Lex’s penthouse they manage to find him. Lex wouldn’t have known that, it’s not like Lex was hiding him from them. And even if it did turn out that both sides were under a misunderstanding hadn’t he promised Lex to stay and help with Lex Corp, weren’t they going to change the world together.

More than ever he felt he was missing too many pieces to the puzzle and he needed air. Ray looked around and suddenly couldn’t take the site of everyone staring at him with a mix of concern and hope. They all wanted him to know them, to choose them, to side with them and he couldn’t do that not now.

“I need some space” he said and started to walk towards the door.

He felt a hand grab his wrist and looked into the worried face of Lex, Lex started to speak an apology starting to form but Ray shook his head.

“I can’t just now, I understand why but killing them just isn’t sitting well with me at the mo, give me a chance to process ok. I made you a promise Lex and I don’t think I’m the type to break them but I need a moment ok” Ray said and smiled weakly as Lex let go.

“Ok Ray, my door is open and I will see you at home” Lex said and Ray noticed the emphasis on the word home. Yes Lex’s penthouse really felt like home and was he really willing to risk that for an undefined feeling. 

He saw the Legends gear up for their chance to convince him but he couldn’t do it, truth was he didn’t know these people and as touching as their words were they didn’t hold the same truth as Lex. Lex had been there for him he had no proof for what the Legends were telling him only this strange feeling. Ray ran, he felt a little like a coward especially as he heard Mick shout “Haircut” after him but he needed space. The minute he left the lab he looked into the night sky and took off, he flew high over the city into the black expanse of the sky revelling in the feel of the wind and the quiet stillness all around him. Now it was just him and his thoughts, the loss of his memory a crushing weight.

Then he remembered the pill container and really what choice did he have. The only way to know the truth, the only way to feel like himself and be a whole person was his memories. He looked at the pills and plucked out the lowest dose, he’d play it safe that would be his compromise. He dropped the pill down his throat and waited, hoping that it would work and he would be able to gain at least a small part of his memory back and relieve some of the tension he was carrying. He felt a bit of relief knowing that maybe just maybe some of this puzzle would be solved and he wouldn’t be hurting people because he couldn’t remember who they were or what they meant to him.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Mick was at a lost for what to do, the urge to just punch Lex again was strong but he didn’t want Ray to disappear again not after he finally found him. Mick had called out to him but Ray had ran and Mick could do nothing but chase after and hope Ray didn’t use super speed or flight. But of course no such luck as Mick exited the building to face an empty world and a clear sky but no sign of his boyfriend. He cursed loudly and kicked the door he’d just come from hard. Things were just not going his damn way at all. He knew if he went back into the lab he would lose his temper and go after Lex. The bastard had totally done something to Ray, brainwashing or erasing his memories on purpose.

Mick hated the smug and condescending way Lex spoke, he hated how he insinuated that Ray belonged with him and didn’t like how close he was to his boyfriend. Mick hated that Lex called his home Ray’s, Ray’s home was with the Legends, with him and he was damn sure his boyfriend wouldn’t have promised to stay with a man he’d just met over Mick. A part of Mick really needed this to be the truth because a part of him was telling him he should have expected this. Why would Ray choose him over the rich, intelligent and suave persona that was Lex Luthor, the man was more eloquent, could give Ray the life he deserved, the standard of living he deserved and a life of science and innovation. Part of Mick thought maybe he was being selfish and Ray was actually better off with Lex.

“Don’t you dare” Came Amaya’s voice as she and Nate left to stand with him.

“Calm down, I’m not about to set the lab on fire or go beat up baldly in there” Mick grumbled out but wishing he could do both those things.

“Well that’s good to hear but not what I meant” Amaya replied before looking at Mick sternly, “I mean don’t you dare start doubting whether Ray deserves to be with you or if he’s better off with Lex Luthor” she finished looking at him knowingly.

“Wasn’t thinking that!” Mick barked but hated that she seemed to have guessed his own thought process.

“No not at all, Mick hate to say it but when it comes to Ray you have some tells, look even if Lex if telling the truth once Ray gets his memories back there is no doubt who he’s gonna go home to” Amaya said smiling.

Mick just grunted he couldn’t help the doubt creeping into his mind at the mo.

“Mick man come on what does Lex have that you don’t, I mean neither of you have hair but I suppose that’s what Ray brings to the relationship” Nate started to ramble earning a sharp jab to the ribs.

Mick appreciated that they were both trying to keep him positive in their own ways and that he couldn’t let what he’d seen affect him. Ray had no idea who he was, he couldn’t expect him to just suddenly leave the safety of what he knew without remembering what he’d lost. Mick had to stay confident, confident that they’d get Ray’s memory back soon, confident that Ray returned his feelings and that their relationship was more powerful then whatever Lex was offering him and confident that Ray would come home to him. He sighed trying to keep his head clear when all he wanted to do was to punch something, punch someone but he had to stay in control. Sara would be facing Lex, would be getting to the bottom of this, there was no way she’d let Ray down she wanted him back as much as the rest of the team. 

“I need a beer” Mick said to no one in particular as he continued to scan the sky somehow hoping that Ray would reappear.

Mick needed his boyfriend back if he couldn’t focus on the anger, couldn’t focus on his hatred of Lex all he was left with was the pain in his chest at seeing Ray look at him without recognition. He didn’t know it could hurt like that for Ray’s eyes not to hold his usual warmth and innocence. Mick had grown accustomed to being looked at with fondness even when he didn’t want to or when he didn’t understand his own feelings enough to appreciate those kind eyes. Ray only even looked at him like that, with devotion and like Mick was someone truly special and Lex had stolen that. He burned with jealousy at the kind look Ray gave Lex, the way he went to his side and turned angry accusing eye’s on Mick. Mick would never be able to admit just how much it hurt and how much he hated having Ray’s warmth taken from him.

Mick was lost in these thoughts when Sara came to stand by him a friendly hand placed on his shoulder as she too sighed.

“Ok Blondie can we got beat the crap out of baldly now” Mick said low but measured.

“I hate to say this but no, it looks like Lex is telling the truth” Sara said trying not to make eye contact knowing that Mick was staring with disbelief and barely veiled anger.

“Mick don’t start, I can’t imagine how uncomfortable this situation is but Gideon looked over the data and it all points to Ray genuinely losing him memoirs. Lex has been doing nothing but trying to help Ray get them back and before you say it no I don’t trust him, my gut is telling me there is something off and I just don’t like the man. He has that same arrogance we’ve faced in Thawne and Darhk but he’s not lying” Sara said in a voice that was trying to be clean and clinical but also held its only veiled anger. 

“What does this mean, we just have to wait again, can we not help Ray ourselves?” Amaya asked her concern evident.

“I hate to say it but yes waiting is all we can do, Ray may have lost his memories but whatever trust he built with Lex was tested with the fate of those lab mice, it was just like Ray to get upset so our friend is still himself. If Lex has been feeding him lies then maybe he will reach out to us himself, we have to have faith and trust that Ray’s curiosity gets the better of him” Sara explained.

“So your plan is to wait for Haircut to get curious, to be so upset over mice he comes to find us but I know what he’s like I’d put money on him finding a way to take that trial drug cause he feels guilty for not remembering us” Mick said crossing his arms and feeling a little smug at the look of realisation on the Legends faces.

“Damn it that’s exactly what he’d do, but we didn’t see him take anything before he left the lab” Nate exclaimed.

“Ok Nate and Amaya you stay here in case Ray comes back to get hold of those drugs, Lex has said he’s going to head back to his penthouse and wait for Ray to come home” Sara started noticing Mick flinch at the word home.

“Me and Mick are gonna go deliver the hard data to Gideon and make sure a thorough analysis is done especially of this trial drug. We are then going to park somewhere very public like on the top of a famous CEO’s apartment building so if Ray does want to come talk to us he can see where we are and have our doors open for him to come home!” Sara said sounding confident and leaving no room for discussion on the plan.

Everyone nodded as Nate and Amaya headed back inside the lab and Sara and Mick walked back to the Waverider. Once on the ship Sara gave the data and a sample of pills and serum she’d sneaked out of the lab to Gideon. She also had Gideon track Lex’s movements so she would know the minute he left the lab and when he arrived at his penthouse. She did not want him getting out of sight, her gut was screaming to watch out for this man, men like Lex craved power and knowledge and that power and knowledge in certain hands lead to men like Thawne and Darhk, Ray’s abilities plus his own intelligence could be a powerful weapon or a tool and the last thing she wanted was her friend to be back reliving the experience he did as a child. 

Gideon gave the signal that Lex was now leaving the building and on route home, she asked to be updated and went to the mess where she knew Mick would be brooding and nursing a beer. Sure enough there he was swigging his beer angrily and glaring at the wall.

“Ok Mick hit me, what self-doubting nonsense are you telling yourself and how many ways have you come up to get revenge on Lex Luthor” Sara said as she sat opposite him.  
“Blondie now isn’t the time, only person I doubt is baldy, the scumbag is up to something and way too familiar with Haircut. He actively tried to keep us from finding him, even if he didn’t cause the amnesia and I’m sure of that. But yeah once I know for certain than burning his penthouse down seems only fair” Mick said in a measured tone.

“Firstly you have no proof of any of that, just cause you don’t like the guy and I’m on your side here doesn’t mean he’s trying to steal your boyfriend” Sara said playing devil’s advocate but she’s seen the way Lex looked at Ray and thought Mick was on to something.

“Haircut is soft and would help out a complete stranger and Lex has somehow manipulated that trait I’m sure. He is gonna be sorry he tried to take something from me, no one steals from me without getting burnt” Mick said with menace.

“Well maybe you should think about how Ray will feel about you killing his friend before you go any further.” Sara tried to reason.

“That man ain’t Haircuts friend, don’t care if he has been helping him. I know the look of a man wanting to possess something, someone. I bet I get it sometimes but Haircut taught me that caring for someone means not taking them for granted. I don’t own Ray but I got to believe we have something stronger than whatever spell Lex has been trying to weave over him” Mick said voice still tinged with anger.

“Sometimes you say the sweetest things Mick, no wonder you stole Ray’s heart” Sara replied with a smile trying to lighten the mood.

“Shut up” Mick snapped and then looked at her.

“Yeah so some of Haircut’s softness has rubbed off on me, and don’t make that sound dirty Blondie mind out of the gutter, but Ray was upset because he thinks we didn’t look for him and I wonder where he got that idea” Mick continued and Sara nodded in agreement.

“I have to keep thinking like that because truthfully I don’t want to think about Haircut not remembering me. Don’t want to dwell on these feelings cause they hurt and they make me want to hurt myself and that would make me a hypocrite.” Mick said but sounding vague.

“Mick I get it, I don’t know what I’d do if the person I loved suddenly looked at me as if I didn’t matter, as if they didn’t even know me. You guys have come so far and faced so much I really want a win for you. I promise we’ll get Ray back, once his memories come back he will realise how much he loves you, you can take that trip to Kara’s Earth, I don’t know elope or something” Sara said and then laughed at the look on Micks face as he blanched.

“Too soon, ok sorry but we will get our boy back ok, there’s no way Lex can charm him away from you so you better forget any thoughts of Ray being better off with him cause we both agree Lex is up to something” Sara finished with smile.

“Yeah, yeah fine, we save Haircut, I do some romantic bullshit, Lex tries anything I punch him but until we know for certain I don’t burn his house down.” Mick grumbled.

“Good because I’m gonna land the Waverider on Lex’s building, get it nice and noticeable and if we need to pay the man a visit we know that Amaya left the window open for us!” Sara finished with a smirk.

Mick nodded, there were so many thoughts and feeling running through his head but all he wanted was a chance to see Ray again, try and get him to remember him and convince him that Lex isn’t the great friend he’s pretending to be.


	28. Chapter 26

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 26

Ray had no idea how long he had floated there trying to remember something but it seemed to be an age. He was beginning to give up hope and thought maybe he should take another dose when something swam into his thoughts, something was trying to make itself known, a memory was coming back. He couldn’t quite grasp it but he got this feeling that he was happy, something was good and right. Something that smelt of beer and ash, something that felt secure and exciting and something he wished he’d never forgotten. Before he lost his memory he was pretty sure he’d been the happiest he’d been and this was a huge contradiction to what Lex had led him to believe. How could he have memories of being so happy, of feeling loved and wanted if he was part of a team that took him for granted?

Maybe this was a memory from before he was with them team but it felt so new as he tried to concentrate further. No solid memories came forth he just had a feeling but something was saying there was truth in the words of the Legends and that they did care about him. He took a deep breath trying to work out what to do next, should he go talk to them again, should he go ask Lex or did he need more than this feeling. Could Lex have lied to him, it would explain why Mick Rory had punched him and looked so mad at Lex. Suddenly very clearly he remembered a strong calloused hand on his face, cupping his cheek the rough pad of a thumb stroking him as he melted into the touch and a voice saying Haircut with both seduction but reassurance.

The memory made Ray start and opened his eyes as he felt the heat in his face rise along with a stirring of longing inside him. Wasn’t “Haircut” what Mick Rory had called him, was that his hand, was there something more to their relationship. If so then Mick would have been justified punching Lex but Ray felt Lex needed a chance to explain for himself. He’d grown so fond of Lex, they’d become close friends and Lex had saved his life didn’t he owe the man a chance to explain. Ray was confused but he felt like Lex might have the answers or at least come clean about his relationship with the Legends.

As Ray flew back to the penthouse he couldn’t help feel that he was missing something and that he’d lost more than his memory. If he knew where the Legends were he’d want to go talk to them but maybe they were still at the lab maybe he could catch up with them. No he’d made up his mind to confront Lex first, hadn’t he. Very soon he was approaching the penthouse and it became very clear that something was parked on the roof. The very obvious presence of what looked like a space ship, or a time ship his mind corrected. The Legends were here and they must be waiting for him. He hated himself for betraying Lex’s kindness but he had to go talk to them, the knot in his stomach twisting desperately telling him there was something missing and he would find it on that ship!

A little nervously Ray flew towards the ship either instinct or memory told him where the cargo door was and as he approached and landed on the roof said door opened and out came Sara Lance and Mick Rory. Both looked confident and Sara was smiling at him like he was long lost brother returned to her. He then met the eyes of Mick and felt his heart skip a little and cheeks go pink as he remembered strong hands caressing him.

“Took you long enough Haircut, can we get out of here please” Mick said gruffly but there was an element of trepidation in his voice. Mick sounded like he was still a little worried and Ray could see the flash of hope in his eyes.

“So you call me Haircut?” Ray asked and noticing how the other immediately stiffened.

“Yeah Haircut, don’t you remember me?” Mick’s voice came out a little cracked.

“Maybe we should go inside and sit down, let’s talk ok Ray” Sara’s voice sounded reassuring and Ray new immediately that he trusted her and would follow her. 

He nodded still feeling a little disorientated and let her guide him onto the ship and into what must be the mess hall. He made a few sideways glances at Mick who was looking anywhere but at him and who immediately went to get a beer before joining him and Sara at the table. Mick looked sullen and filled with angry energy that he was trying to keep under control.

“Ray do you remember anything?” Sara asked and looked at him earnestly.

This was not the person Lex had described, she wasn’t cold or threatening, Ray saw genuine concern in her face and her voice was warm and friendly.

“Not really, but I get the feeling that I’m more important to this team than I was lead to believe” Ray replied.

“Damn right you are and I’m gonna kill that bastard for taken you from me!” Mick growled out looking at Ray.

There was something in that gaze that made Ray not feel threatened but felt protected, he wasn’t scared of this man and in all honesty his body kept reacting in a way that made Ray feel like he was somehow attracted to this angry man. Micks gaze was challenging him almost willing him to remember what was between them.

“Are we um, you know are we together?” Ray’s voice came out small and unsure.

Ray nearly jumped half out of his seat when Mick stood up quickly and slammed his hands onto the table, beer falling and smashing to the ground as he shook with anger.

“Of course we are, how could you forget that, how could you forget me?” Mick was practically shouting but Ray saw the hurt in his eyes under all that anger.

“Mick calm down, it’s not Rays fault, your misplacing your anger and your gonna scare him like this” Sara said to Mick.

“I’m not scared, in fact the only thing I seem to remember is that I’m not scared of you” Ray said looking at Mick and feeling all his heart break and how Ray hated seeing him like this, “All I know is that I remembered your voice calling me, that I’ve lost something important and it’s not just my memories and that somehow in all this it’s breaking my heart seeing you like this” Ray finished his voice trembling.

“Ray?” Micks voice came out like a question, there was that hope again, “Yeah were together and this whole situation is making me have feelings I can barely understand or control but I keep nearly losing you and the only person I trust to help me with dealing with this is the person who doesn’t remember me. So yeah it sucks and seeing you like this is tearing me up” Mick said but some of the anger was gone.

“What happened to me?” Ray asked he was having trouble computing and needed hard facts, he needed something logical for his brain to work on.

Sara looked at him and then recounted the last few weeks, the accident on the moon, discovering the chip, finding out he was an alien, the chip malfunction and him going berserk during training and then disappearing. It sounded so far fetched like it was a life that belonged to someone else. There was definitely some things Sara was hiding from him, she was scarce on the details of his parents and why they chipped him and only mentioned he’d gone under great trauma as a child. Mick was still standing, his nervous energy making him pace during the whole tale, Sara explained that it was during this time he and Mick finally realised there was something more between then and had started dating. Mick had grunted out something about this not being a romcom but somehow Ray smiled and Mick had stopped pacing to look at him.

“I wish I could remember more, this is not what I expected I don’t know what to do” Ray explained.

“Nothing Haircut, you come with us and we get Gideon to look at you and we call Skirt and hopefully she’ll have some ideas” Mick started to explain.

“I can’t do that, I owe Lex and made him a promise” Ray said.

“That is so bloody you, even without your memory you’re putting a stranger before yourself. Baldy lied, he’s not your best mate and what about your promise to me” Mick was starting to get angry again.

“Not everything Lex said was a lie, maybe he just got the wrong impression when it came to you guys not really being there for me and moving on, he was trying to protect me. Plus I have a duty as a scientist to help him, we are on the verge of some amazing break through” Ray said voice getting a little louder.

“Screw that!” Mick spat and went back to pacing aggressively.

“Look I’m sorry about Mick this isn’t exactly a picnic for him, he just found out his boyfriend is living with another man and doesn’t remember him.” Sara told Ray.

“It’s not like that, me and Lex we’re just friends and I’m sorry I don’t remember Mick or being his boyfriend” Ray was starting to get unsettled and a little freaked.

“I don’t remember being an alien, I don’t remember why I have a chip in my head or some child hood trauma, I don’t remember my team and all I know is Lex was there for me”

Rays voice got higher and then he felt Sara put her hand on his and the gesture seemed so kind, so grounding, she was waiting for him to process, to go at his own pace.

“I feel at home here and it scares me as I don’t have the memories to back up the feeling. Can you give me a little more time?” Ray asked sounding small again.

“Anything Ray, your family and were not going anywhere. Here take this, it’s a communicator, you want to talk, you need to contact us just signal and we’ll be there for you ok” Sara said reassuringly.

Ray smiled at her thankful she was giving him time to process as he stood and started to walk away. He wasn’t ready for all he’d found out, he was more confused than ever.  
“Haircut, Ray don’t go” came the small and broken voice of Mick and Ray turned to look at him.

Ray took in the other man, a little shorter than him but with a larger frame, his face handsome but features lost in fear and anger, he was rigid and torn between shouting in desperation and pleading. This man in front of him cared about him, Ray could see the heart break, and for a moment he thought the last thing he wanted to do was walk away from him. Ray got a fleeting desire to run into the other man’s arms and just let him hold him but he couldn’t for one thing it wouldn’t be fair to Mick he’d be giving him false hope. If they were together Ray wanted to remember for himself before he allowed himself to take comfort in Mick’s embrace.

Ray hadn’t noticed that Mick had taken steps to get closer and was only an arm’s reach away. All Ray had to do was take a step forward and he would find comfort. Ray realised suddenly that this man loved him, he could see it and that he was breaking his heart. The thought of hurting Mick this much was like a bucket of cold water being thrown over him.

“Mick I’m sorry I have to go, this is too much, I can’t stay here, it’s too soon” Ray said his voice cracking and again he had to run from the room as he clearly heard what sounded like a chair being thrown.

Ray was outside the Waverider in seconds and then he walked back down into the penthouse apartment. He had to talk to Lex, get his side. He wanted his memory back, he was hurting others and it filled him with anguish knowing he was the cause of such pain. He took the remaining pills out of his pocket and without a second thought threw them all down his throat. It was too much he couldn’t go any longer without his memories.  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Lex paced his apartment, he was worried and frustrated fearing that the Legends were going to steal Ray from him any moment. How had his relationship with Ray been jeopardized by something as small and insignificant as lab mice? That was the moment the first time he and Ray had really been at odds and the blasted Legends had been there to helpfully remind Ray how much they knew him and how he belonged with them. Lex had been trying so hard to weave a believable reason for them not wanting Ray so they’d could stay friends and partners but Ray had to go and get attached to mice. But now Ray was off trying to process and Lex had to think of a good reason for him to stay clear of the Legends.

Lex would convince Ray to come away with him, go into hiding maybe advance the trials for the memory drug. He’d apologise for the mice and promise he’d never take a life for granted again. Maybe if he made Ray see how much he cared for him and that he would break if Ray left him. That was it if he wanted to keep the other man he needed to give him a stronger reason and what would be stronger than love. If Ray realised that Lex cared for him in such way he’d feel obligated to stay. Ray was not the kind of man to just break someone’s heart. Lex just needed to convince Ray that they had something mutual and special and that Lex acted out of fear of ruining what was developing between them.

Lex would ask for a chance to see if what they had was real before Ray made any final decisions. Once Ray got his memories back he’d make sure he also had a head full of memories of being with Lex as well as making sure that there was no way one Mick Rory got close enough to Ray to make his own move. It wasn’t like Lex didn’t care about Ray, it was quite easy to fall for the guy, he was handsome, smart and caring really the dream package but Lex was consumed by ambition and hadn’t really thought about romance. Now though he realised that it was time to take their relationship further, to bind Ray to him so he would never think of leaving.

But was there enough time could Lex really get Ray to love him so quickly or, as Lex looked over all the memory technology and research the two had done together, did he need to force the point a bit. For sure they hadn’t got any closer to finding how to bring memories back but the theory was there and the tech on implanting memory. With a little bit of time Lex could add a few memories, just a couple to make Ray realise he was falling for Lex. There was also the possibility of hypnosis, just a few little white lies could be added just enough for Ray to stay fully committed to his promise to stay with Lex. He felt pleased with himself, he wasn’t going to let the Legends come between him and Ray as he got to work on his new idea and started to repurpose bits of tech originally designed for stimulating old memories. Ray was going to love him, he would be Lex’s alone and no one was gonna take that from him.

It was a couple of hours when Lex was disturbed from his furious research by the sound of his front door opening and the form of Ray Palmer gingerly walking into the apartment. Lex was overjoyed as relief washed over him, Ray had returned to him he wasn’t off with the Legends he was where he belonged. Lex strode over to the man ready to embrace him when he saw the glassy look in Ray’s eyes and the pale complexion.

“Ray what happened?” Lex said with concern and he got even more worried when Ray didn’t focus his eyes too glassy and he was unable to find and meet Lex’s gaze.

“Lex I think I did something stupid” Came the small scared voice of Ray

Lex immediately led Ray to the sofa and sat him down before grabbing medical equipment and scanners.

“Ray tell me what you did as I run some tests ok, I’m here for you ok I won’t let anything bad happen, you know that right, you know I care about you more than anyone I’ve ever met and I’m gonna make things right” Lex laid it on thick.

“I took the drugs, the memory drugs. I made a few samples of various dosage and well took them” Ray said small and shaky.

“Ray how many, how much of dose did you take” Lex’s own voice starting to shake.

“All the samples the equivalent to 3 dose at the top strength” Ray’s glassy eyes were eerie to look at and his colour was fading, his breaths were shallow as it got harder for him to talk and he was shaking.

Lex furiously scanned and loaded the data, the drug was trying to repair and it seemed Ray’s healing ability didn’t see the drug as a threat but it clearly wasn’t meshing and Ray looked panicked.

“I got you ok, I need you to lie down and I’m gonna make sure your heart rate and brain functions are monitored, I’m not gonna lose you ok Ray so you gotta stay with me” Lex said laying Ray on the sofa and then putting his hand on the man’s face to caress his face. Lex wanted there to be no doubt that this was a romantic gesture.

“Ray once we know you’re ok we have to talk ok, I know this is an awful timing but I have a confession but promise that we’ll get to talk about us ok” Lex said in a calm tone and looking at Ray earnestly.

“Lex are you trying to tell me what I think you are, it’s just” But Ray’s words were lost in a convulsion as his heart rate spiked.

“I’m falling through space, it hurts, and everything hurts! No I’m on the Waverider Mick thinks I’m an idiot but I saved his life that was what was important. God I hate green, it’s a bad light! But his embrace is warm and safe, but what if he doesn’t love me, I’m an alien, I’m alone, I lost control oh god who am I” Ray started to rant his eyes so lost in the cloudy complexion.

“Ray relax ok, I’ve got you, focus on me, focus on the last two weeks. Haven’t they been some of the best weeks of your life, haven’t we become friends maybe more than friends, aren’t we perfect together. Focus on the now Ray!” Lex said a little desperation creeping into his voice.

“I’ve loved these few weeks, I didn’t think I’d ever been this happy and it’s because of you. I’ve never felt more safe and appreciated, you have my back, protected me and cared for me. We’re partners I’m never going to leave ok Mick” Ray said and Lex’s heart fell, he was so sure Ray was talking about him not this thuggish Mick.

“Ray you’re confused, you’re getting your memories confused” Lex pleaded a little desperately.

Ray stilled for a moment going rigid and taking small breaths, Lex checked the scans and there was significant brain recovery but it was patchy. It also looked like Rays healing ability was no longer dormant and there was a battle going between it and the medicine. Was it possible that Ray was an alien, now his alien DNA wasn’t taking too kindly to the medicine trying to heal his mind? With the dose Ray took if he was human he’d have died for sure but here he was pale but alive.

Lex looked at the man on the sofa, there was still time he didn’t have all his memories back if he could just manipulate a couple of the ones he did then it would guarantee Ray stayed with him. This was for Ray’s sake, there was nowhere better than at Lex’s side. Plus Mick Rory was nowhere near good enough for him and Lex had a duty to keep Ray safe from such an unsavoury relationship. No Lex only had Ray’s best interest and future in mind a future with him!

Lex then noticed that Ray was mumbling, he was talking very fast his lips moving rapidly as the stream of information came out. 

“The Atom suit will be powered by dwarf star, I will be able to micronize myself, explosion, lost, forgotten, recruited by Rip Hunter gonna be a Legend, Vandal Savage, gotta fight, stay positive, take the beating, lost a friend, found a friend, Legion of Doom, Dominators, Spear of Destiny, why didn’t we go on a date sooner, why are my parents monsters, where am I” Ray continued and Lex new he was getting his memories back.

Lex had to do something, he had to stop this he had to save his friend he couldn’t risk losing him or having the Legends take what was his, he’d worked too hard he deserved this, he deserved Ray. He did the only thing he could think of as he looked at the brain scans. He stripped the scanners and plugged them into the heart monitor so they could conduct more power. Recalibrating the machine so it gave out a charge he then ran and grabbed Miss Tessmachers charging device to give a boost. Soon he was standing over Ray holding very unstable wires overloading with power. Lex new this was the right choice he was saving Ray as he put the wires to Ray’s head and he heard the snap of electricity and Ray was electrocuted.

Ray’s eyes cleared and he screamed in pain as the wave of electrocution swept over him. Lex threw the wires aside and checked the monitors. Heart rate was up but brain activity was down, the rate of repair stopped ad it looked like Ray’s healing ability would be working to heal his electrocution. With luck there would be no sign of what Lex did by the time Ray woke up. Now Lex just had to find a way to get Ray out of the apartment so they could be alone and Lex could help Ray remember a past that would lead to a much better future for both of them.


	29. Chapter 27

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 27

Ray could feel the memories coming back but it wasn’t in flashes or slow reveals it was in a swirling mix of sights, sounds and smells. He felt emotions and saw images from all over the place and tried for them to come back in order. He focused on the Legends hoping that his most recent memories would come back in a more coherent order. He started to remember working on his Atom suit and being recruited by Rip. What followed was a mix of what must be missions that he and his team had been on. In all of that he started to remember more about Mick and how they had gone from not like each other, to respect, to friendship, to partners and then things had really changed. Ray started to see and feel the chemistry between them and the thing he felt he’d lost was starting to come back.

It was more than just Mick though, he’d lost his entire family and that was what the Legends were, they were his friends and partners, they were his brothers and sisters and he’d forgotten that. He wanted to see them again and talk to them. He wanted to hear Mick call him Haircut, he’d missed that so much it was the first thing that had sparked the attraction between them. This spark had only grown and now he could feel the electricity they had between them. Ray was aware that something was wrong, this wasn’t a memory something was trying to prevent him from remembering. He needed help, maybe Lex would do something try and get him to focus, do something to help support the return of his memories. He had to hope his friend could work something out, could stop whatever was trying to interfere.

There was another brief moment of panic and then Ray almost subconsciously reached into his pocket and pressed the button on his communicator. They were his family, they wouldn’t let him down and surely they would be able to work with Lex to make things right. This was Ray’s last thought as blackness took over, soon his friends would all be together, Lex and the legends together working side by side, he had to cling on to that hope. 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Sara had recalled Amaya and Nate letting them know what had happened and sent the jump ship to pick them up. She’d also updated Team Flash and Martin and Jax, who had offered to return to the Waverider but Sara felt it best that they introduce Ray to everyone bit by bit so not to overstimulate or just plain freak him out. They’d not been a 100% on board with this but they respected her decision. Sara had spent the rest of the time trying to keep an eye on Mick who she went from admiring his restraint to worrying he might just go storm the castle. Mick was understandable tense and waiting was not his strong suit threatening to go over to the apartment and drag Ray back. Luckily he also didn’t want to scare his boyfriend by coming on to strong so respected his desire to think a little.

Mick was currently tinkering with the heat gun probably as a way to keep himself distracted.

“Mick you holding out ok?” Sara asked him.

“Yeah peachy, my boyfriend is living with another man and all I can do is sit around and wait” Mick grumbled.

“You know it’s not like that, plus Ray’s memories seem to be coming back, he could come back any minute” Sara reassured.

“Why do you think I’m sitting here and not three sheets to the wind, no way I’m getting drunk and doing something stupid to win Ray back” Mick said annoyed and Sara could feel the frustration.

“I know Ray, his curiosity is gonna get the better of him and he’ll be back in no time, you saw him, he is bound to question Lex and realise that somethings not perfect with his story and come to us for answers. You have to trust him Mick” Sara continued

“Haircut I trust, that manipulative prick not so much, while we wait around he could be doing anything and ruining any chance we have of saving Ray. I respect your choice but if we don’t hear from him soon I am going after Haircut and you can’t stop me” Mick said looking up defiantly at Sara.

“Mick we’ve been over this, there’s no proof Lex has been anything but a good friend, I don’t like it and I think there is something off about the man but we’ve got to give Ray the chance to work that out for himself. I don’t want to risk spoking him and he flies off again, I can’t keep losing my friend and playing chase” Sara said and didn’t realise how upset she sounded.

“Sorry Blondie, I know I’m being selfish, I know everyone cares about Haircut, it’s just I’m not sure I’m me without him around, I don’t feel right, in fact I just don’t like having any feelings at all unless he’s about to make them make sense. If there is even a chance baldy is hurting Haircut I have to do something, so fair warning when the hours up I am busting my boyfriend out with or without your permission” Mick finished and got up heading to the cargo bay to wait out the rest of his given time frame.

“Wait Mick, ok but I’m coming with you, If Ray hasn’t contacted us soon we go and talk to him again” Sara said.

“If that’s what you want to call it then fine but don’t get in my way” Mick said and the threat was evident.

Sara didn’t mind, let Mick be angry at her at least he wasn’t drinking himself into oblivion or going straight to the apartment to beat up Lex, he’d showed a lot of restraint and she had to give him that. She knew that if he let go for even a moment all the pain and insecurity would come rushing out and Mick was trying to strong for Ray, make sure he had something secure to come home to. The one worry was that Mick had never been so in control, this anger lying beneath the surface was scary and Sara thought that Mick had never been so dangerous. The slightest thing could finally give way and she didn’t want to know what levels of rage and destruction would take over if Lex had hurt Ray in any way. 

That’s why she had to go with him, to protect him from himself to make sure he didn’t do anything he regretted because he was so desperate to save Ray and have him back. She wasn’t sure what it would do to Ray and Mick’s relationship if he snapped at Lex, the man Ray viewed as a friend and possible the man who saved his life. Sara had to make sure this played out well. It was then that she felt the beeping and static of her comms device as she pulled it desperately out of her pocket.

“Ray is that you?” She said and Mick snapped his head around to look at her with all his attention. There was no sound from the device, just a crackle of static but there was no denying it was on and Ray must have pushed the button. Mick stormed up to her and made a desperate grab for it but Sara held it frim.

“Hey Haircut can you hear us?” Mick shouted into the device glaring at Sara.

Again no reply only the distinct sound of electricity, in fact it wasn’t the sound of the device it was coming from the other end, the crackle of an electric pulse the tell-tale spit and hiss. Ray was either right next to a large electrical machine or something was being electrocuted. Both Mick and Sara locked eye’s worry etched in both their faces as they made a silent agreement and headed for the apartment and to Ray’s aid. 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Mick could tell his rage and fear were only barely being held in check, there was a beast inside him and it wanted out. Mick was going to go in and rescue his boyfriend and then beat the crap out of Lex before torching his place. Yeah so maybe Lex hadn’t done anything that bad, maybe he’d assumed the Legends hadn’t been the best to Ray and abandoned Ray, maybe he had saved Ray’s life and was trying to help him with his memory loss rather than cure it but still Lex Luthor was a smug git and Mick didn’t like the way he looked at his boyfriend. There was something off about the man, he had that arrogance and ego that always lead to being a shitty person, he reminded Mick of Damien Darhk and his confident swagger and eloquent words but underneath it he was manipulative and power hungry.

Mick could have just sat about and waited, he’d tried out of respect for Sara and that he was worried that they’d frighten Ray with all the info dumping. But when it came down to it, this was Ray and he had a habit of getting into trouble, being captured by villains and being forced to make things against his will for the bad guys. Mick wasn’t going to let him become pray for another mad obsessed freak, he wasn’t going to let his boyfriends caring and stupid need to see the best in people get twisted and used. Mick had to hold it together, if it came down to it he’d rather Ray ran or flew off in a panic. Mick would chase after him and this time not fall to despair. For as long as it took he would chase after Ray, would look for him and protect him. He just hoped he wasn’t too late.

They weren’t subtle about entering the apartment, no time for formalities as they both jumped down onto the balcony pushing open the glass doors that Amaya had unlocked and walked into the apartment. Lex was visible shocked at the site of them as he stood at the desk covered in research paper and half built devices. His look quickly changed to one of outrage but Mick didn’t care as he scanned the room for Ray. Sure enough he saw the man looking like he was asleep on the sofa and stormed off to his side. Mick could tell Lex was yelling at him but he didn’t listen his only concern was his unconscious boyfriend as he knelt down beside him.

“Haircut, hey stop playing sleeping beauty, time to get out of here” Mick said trying to sound light and annoyed.

Ray just lay there breathing slowly and Mick put his hand to the handsome face and caressed Ray’s cheek. There was so much he wanted to say to the man but for now he would just like to see those big brown eyes open and looking at him, recognising him. Mick took his hand back and began to slip both arms under his boyfriend picking him up off the sofa and holding him tight against his chest, Rays head tucked safely under his chin so that Mick could smell his hair, he’d missed that smell, something else he’d file under becoming a sap but for now his priority was getting Ray out of here.

“What do you think you’re doing, you can’t just barge in here and kidnap my friend” Came the indignant voice of Lex who was now staring his own pair of daggers at Mick.

“You don’t want to start that crap with me” Mick said voice low and dangerous, “What did you do to Haircut?” the question came out more as a threat than a question.

“Nothing you idiot, after meeting you guys Ray decided to take all the medicine he’d created, three full doses! He had a seizure and passed out so I could ask you the same, what did you do to Ray to make him do something so desperate” Lex said and that superior voice made Mick growl.

“Hah, Haircut remembered us and he was probably wanting to get his memories back faster so he could get away from you and return to where he belongs” Mick said inserting his own smug tone.

“Enough the both of you, Ray had a comms device so he could contact us if he needed our help, well he did so we came and with alarm since the only sound we heard was a lot like something being electrocuted” Sara said causing both men to turn to her.

Sara then noticed how neat the files on the desk looked and the half packed brief case.

“Um going somewhere Lex?” she said and her voce went cold as she eyed him suspiciously.

“Oh course I was, Ray was overdosing, body going into shock, I had to jump start his heart. I thought I was going to lose him. Now he needs a proper medical facility so excuse me if I didn’t think a bunch of vigilantes could help but thanks for the vote of confidence, I can’t believe you are insinuating I’d electrocute my own friend. I’ve done nothing but help him, protect him and your coming into my home to just take him without knowing a damn thing, how conceited are you” Lex said voice angry but controlled, eyes calculating but shinning with hurt pride and resentment.

Mick found it hard to read this man and the look Sara gave him meant she was having the same problem.

“Look baldy you use a lot of fancy words but doesn’t change that Haircut is part of our team and I’m not letting you lay a finger on him” Mick said resolute.

“Lex please, we have advanced medical technology on our ship, Gideon our AI can find out what’s wrong, can help him. If you’re really Ray’s friend then let us save him. I promise that the minute he wakes up, once he can move about then he can head back and talk to you in person” Sara started to explain trying to be the voice of reason.

“No, he doesn’t belong with you, he’s wasted with you, and you don’t get his potential. I won’t let you turn him against me” Lex practically shouted before going very quiet almost not believing the burst of emotion.

“We’re not like that and I know you’re worried for Ray we are too. It’s Ray’s choice, if you don’t respect us then at least respect him but we can help him” Sara continued worried about Lex’s sudden outburst but also seeing the glimpse of real friendship and Lex’s fear of losing it.

“Come on Blondie, let’s get going.” Mick said looking more possessive than ever as he held Ray close to him.

“Ok you win, take him, help him but I am holding you to your promise. I will talk to Ray again, we made a promise and he’s not the type to betray a friend” Lex said sounding cold and distant.

Sara led Mick out the apartment as they silently walked back up to the roof and to the Waverider. Mick just held Ray tight as if he’d drop him and the man would shatter. Mick wanted to feel relief but he still couldn’t there was still too much unknown. He was sick of seeing Ray unconscious without knowing if and when he’d wake up, he was getting so tired of losing him. Mick hated that smug arrogant man that thought Mick didn’t get Ray the way he did. Lex was exactly the kind of man Ray needed protecting from but Mick felt a knot in his stomach as he followed Sara to the med bay and almost reluctantly put Ray on the med bed for Gideon to work on.

Lex did have one point, Ray never betrayed a friend and the promise between them hung heavy in the air. What if after everything, even with memories back Ray still choose Lex over him. What if Ray felt obligated to fulfil his promise and he had to watch him return to that smug prick? Mick stood next to Ray and took his hand lost in his thoughts.

“Mick, don’t trust everything that man says he’s trying to get a rise out of you ok, trying to make you feel like you don’t deserve being with Ray” Sara said reassuringly.

“What if he’s right?” came the low voice.

“You believe that, well it’s not up to you, Ray gets to make that choice” Sara replied.

“Yeah and if Ray, Mr People pleaser, Mr too damn good and nice decides he has to honour this promise. It’s not like I made him any die hard promises” Mick grumbled looking deflated.

“Well if you like it, you should have put a ring on it!” Sara said earning herself a death glare.

“Look Mick, you guys have made your own promises and commitment to each other, plus there’s the small issue of Ray wanting to go to Kara’s earth to see what his birth parents would have been like, finding out more about being Kryptonian and getting closure on his parents. With his memories back no offence but you’re not the only thing Ray has on his plate and Lex doesn’t know about the rest of that stuff” Sara said trying to get through to the man slowly starting to sink into himself.

There was a gruff laugh from Mick before he answered,

“In some ways I’m as selfish and possessive as that prick” Mick said voice now edge with self-loathing.

“The difference being is that you hope Ray will choose you and Lex as far as I can tell wants to make sure Ray chooses him, there’s a big difference there and Ray will see it” Sara said placing a hand on Micks shoulder before asking Gideon for her findings.

“Well Captain Lance, the good news is that the signs of electric shock that Lex said were caused by jump starting Ray’s heart are practically healed, I have no way of telling how they started or what kind of voltage Doctor Palmer was subjected to but his healing ability has done its job. As for Dr Palmers memory there are large sections of the brain showing recovery, it’s patchy so there is no telling what he will remember when he wakes up but having such an intense bout of amnesia reversed so quickly put him under a lot of stress. His heart is a little slow but should recover soon” Gideon explained.

Mick squeezed Ray’s hand feeling the warmth in it and looked at Sara,

“So Haircut still might not remember everything”.

“No but that doesn’t mean he’ll have forgotten you, just hold on a little longer Mick he’s coming back to us” Sara said with a smile.

Sara left the room to give Mick some time with Ray and so she could fill in everybody. She knew she would have to respect her deal with Lex and when Ray was able to move let him choose himself. What she needed was a bigger incentive, something that Ray couldn’t possible overlook. Ray was the kind of guilty innocent that would hold his end of deal plus Lex was offering Ray a chance to change the world. Sara had no idea what they had worked on but hadn’t Lex said in the lab that they were going to create technology that bettered mankind, isn’t that something Ray always wanted to do. Ray was going to be asked to choose between the man he loved and the betterment of mankind.

Sara hated the idea of it, after everything Ray had been through this wasn’t fair, maybe there was still a way for Ray to have both. I mean they were on a time ship couldn’t he still be a Legend and then just keep popping back to work on this new tech. No Sara realised she was going to do something selfish, what they did wasn’t saving the world it was saving history and time itself. Ray belonged with the Legends and with Mick, they both deserved their happiness. Sara decided after filling in all her team mates and team Flash she was going to call Kara and fill her in. She hoped whatever threat going on on Kara’s earth was over cause she needed the Girl of Steel to come see Ray and convince him to go with her. Maybe Kara could show Ray what he’s missing, tempt him with knowledge of his birth parents and lost culture. Sara was banking on Ray’s natural curiosity to outweigh everything and then once he had all the facts Ray could make his choice.

Sara hoped it was to remain a Legend, to stay with his family and not be swept up in Lex’s very clever words.


	30. Chapter 28

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 28

Ray was enjoying the darkness, it was the most quiet his mind had been in as long as he could remember. There were no choices to be made, he didn’t have to fight to remember something or try and forget anything, and it was peace and stillness. Maybe he could just stay here where he wasn’t a threat to his friends, haunted by his past, unsure of what to choose and lost all the time. In the darkness he didn’t have to keep fighting, he didn’t have to keep getting hurt, he was so tired of thinking he was happy only for something to tear it away and leave him hollow again. But even as he floated in this calm dark space, mind empty, he felt tendrils of memory crawl over him. Some were warm and familiar, he almost wanted to reach out to them let them slide through his fingers but others were cold and scared him trying to bind him, to drag him towards a place he didn’t want to go.  
Ray knew he couldn’t stay here, he had to wake up and face the world, but what if he was going berserk again and people got killed, what if Mick had left him tired of him bringing nothing but fear and worry into his life, what if Lex hated him for being curious about the Legends and his place with them and what if he woke up with no memory of anything again. He felt those memories stirring around him, the last few weeks and everything he’d achieved and his relationship with Lex. But also the last few years had come back in patches, he remembered missions and life with the Legends, though was pretty sure he’d not got all the memory back. He remembered being with Mick, they’d finally got together but he wasn’t sure when or why. Had they been together long, where they serious or where they even still together.

Everything between being 10 years old and being recruited by Rip was back, clear as day he could remember his life as CEO of Palmer Tech, to being on Team Arrow, the explosion, being Damien Darhk’s prisoner and going for advice about joining the Legends from Oliver. He was pretty sure he’d faced Darhk again, he had a clear memory of a sword fight in the snow and a less clear memory of what came next or a battle on a war field. Any memory before 10 was weird, things he knew for sure about his childhood were still there but everything else was like watching a movie wearing green tinted glasses. There was a boy he didn’t know being tortured and experimented on and Ray knew he didn’t want to see this.

He felt those icy tendrils wrap around his wrist as he saw his parents cut into the child as he screamed and Ray’s stomach dropped his blood running cold. He didn’t want to remember this, these memories hurt and twisted him, he wanted to leave them behind as the tendrils started to pull him back through the darkness towards a green light. Ray wanted nothing to do with this light, he wanted to go forward towards the small bright light in the other direction. Ray remembered that he was strong, he’d been training with Kara to control his strength but he should have enough to break free to climb out of the nightmare he was being dragged to. He got a sudden vivid image of watching his arm burn and with a panicked shout pulled with all his might feeling the tendrils rip.

The minute he had he desperately tried to crawl towards the warm light feeling the ice behind him snap at his ankle but the warm tendrils guiding him, caressed his face with love and reassurance. He had to go and face the real world but he knew something, someone important was waiting for him, someone that would help chase the nightmares away but at the moment he wasn’t totally sure who as the faces of both Mick and Lex swam into memory. Ray had only known Lex a short time but he was quickly becoming his world, his friend, his partner and the person who knew and understood him best but was this feeling romantic he couldn’t tell. Mick felt like romance like he was supposed to be together with the man but he couldn’t remember much about the relationship of how they even fit. 

Ray was torn should he go to the man that was there for him, who shares his interest and passions, his intelligence and ideals. Should he nurture this relationship with Lex and see where it leads and maybe see if it is a romantic relationship, give it the extra time to really take flight. Or should Ray go to the man he felt warm and reassured by, the man he clearly has romantic feelings for but doesn’t seem to share any of his interests or goals, who he barely remembers even though they’ve been Legends for 2 years. Ray would have to face that choice when he woke up and hope he remembered enough to make the right decision. Just as he got to the light, to the warm sunlit glow he paused suddenly unsure and a little afraid of what he’d be waking up to. This was when the icy tendrils grabbed at him, crawling over flesh and tightening their grasp. Ray struggled as a warm tendril tried to wrap around his wrist and pull him forward. Ray thrashed and panicked, he screamed into the darkness as he felt grief and pain mix with joy and tenderness.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Sara paced the bridge, Kara was due any minute and she wanted to be calm and composed. It had been and awkward conversation that had started with the line “don’t panic but” and then she had explained everything watching Kara grow more agitated. Sara had tried to make Kara understand that technically this earths Lex hadn’t done anything wrong he was just being well obnoxious and possessive of Ray but Kara had said this was how it had started for her cousin and Lex. Kara had agreed not to do anything to Lex unless they had proof but wanted to been there just in case, she wanted to be there for Ray when he woke up. 

Sara appreciated Kara’s words and the sisterly bond she was sharing with Ray, Ray needed that feeling of positive family and she hoped he would be willing to go with the Girl of Steel and find out about himself. Kara was more than happy to take Ray to her earth, especially if it meant getting him away from Lex. So now she awaited her arrival and hoped Ray woke up soon. Amaya and Nate had arrived back and been fully briefed so were now in the med bay. They too were not convinced by Lex and maybe they all have too much experience dealing with the likes of Thawne as Amaya said Lex smelled like a villain. Whether this was true and her animal powers meant she could literally smell villain or a figure of speech they’d all agreed some distance between him and Ray was a good idea.

The sound of a breach opening up resonated in the bridge and in a mere moment Kara was standing on the bridge smiling at Sara but not quite able to hide the concern on her positive features.

“How is he?” Kara asked.

“Stable we think, he’s in the med bay unconscious. Gideon says he’s healing and once again no physical damage but as for mental and what state his memory is in well…” Sara drifted off the reality starting to weigh on her.

“Sara don’t worry we’ll figure this out, my team is ready and plus we have a telepathic Martian on our side, if anyone can help Ray regain his memories its J’onn. I just wish I’d been here, I’m so sorry I could have got him away from Lex, I could have brought him to my team sooner. I let him down.” Kara said apologetically.

“Wasn’t your fault an alien went on a rampage through your city, you have your own world to look out for we should have found him sooner, I let him down, I’m the Captain it was my responsibility” Sara said.

“My turn to correct you and I suppose there is no point playing the blame game, so let’s go see our boy ok” Kara said a reassuring smile on her face that made Sara feel her confidence come back.

Sara led Kara to the med bay where the Legends were perched on chairs that had been dragged into the room. Amaya and Nate looked worried and tense but Mick looked even more crushed. He didn’t even acknowledge her arrival like the others just sat hunched over staring at his boyfriend his face a mix of anger and sadness.

“Hey guys” Kara said trying to keep the mood light and getting herself prepared for one of Mick’s death glares.

“Um Mick, I’m so sorry I wish I’d been here sooner” Kara said.

“What you apologising for, not like you scrambled Haircuts mind!” Mick said out gruffly still not taking his eyes off Ray.

“No but well...” Kara began.

“Look skirt the Captain says that you can take Haircut to your earth got people that can help with memory plus it gets him away from that well-dressed prick. Can I count on you for that” Mick said finally turning to look at her his eye steely with resolve.

“Yes Mick you can” Kara said with confidence meeting his intense gaze.

“Then were good, so let’s get going!” Mick said the anger still in his voice but Kara could here the worry it was trying to mask.

“Mick we have to wait for Ray to wake up, we have to let this be his decision. If he still has no memory he’s gonna think we just kidnapped him and that won’t help us build any trust” Sara said trying to sound reasonable.

“Don’t care, once he remembers Haircut will forgive us” Mick said his voice getting low.

“We said we’d let him choose and that he could talk to Lex before he made any decisions” Sara said and she could feel the heat off Mick as his eye’s narrowed.

“What wait your gonna let him go back to see Lex!” Kara said looking concerned and her own anger creeping in.

“I know Kara but this isn’t your Lex, all the bad he’s done this Lex hasn’t, yeah he’s shifty and I don’t trust him but we only got Ray back to the Waverider without incident because we promised Lex could see Ray again. I have no doubt Ray will choose going with you but can you honestly say it will sit well with your conscious to just take him without his consent” Sara said and say Kara relax.

“No, I know your right but there is so much history with Lex can’t help it cloud my judgement a bit” Kara said still looking a little torn by the decision.

It was then that they heard the moan from Ray as all eye’s snapped back to the unconscious man. Everyone was on their feet’s as they watched Ray’s brow crease and then start to writhe.

“Oh god he’s going to have a seizure or go wild again, how do we stop it” Nate said a little panicked.

“Let me” Kara said as she gently held Rays shoulders and tried to keep him from thrashing wildly.

“There is no sign of physical distress or a seizure Miss Danvers, it looks like he is have a particularly bad nightmare” Gideon informed them.

“Ok so we just wait it out, he’s strong but I can keep him still so he doesn’t hurt himself or anyone else and well let’s hope if he blasts his beams they won’t be strong enough to push me off” Kara said looking determinedly at Ray. “Come on Ray wake up ok” she said in a small voice.

Ray thrashed helplessly moaning as if he was in pain as the team watched not able to do anything, Mick was looking sick before he finally composed his features and put a gentle hand on Ray’s cheek.

“Come on Haircut, just open your eyes, just wake up!” Mick said in a rare tender voice he didn’t normally like others to hear. But it did nothing so he went back to default.

“Come on Haircut, wake that lazy arse up, stop getting kicked about by dreams and wake the hell up or I’m gonna set fire to this bed and that will sure as hell get you out of bed!” Mick growled.

Rays eye’s suddenly opened and while they all braced for the twin beams of crimson none gain. Ray was panting but soon blinked a few times as Kara released her hold and let him sit up gingerly. Everyone was on tender hooks all waiting for the recognition, all hoping that they’d have their Ray back.

“Kara?” Ray’s slightly shaken voice came as he stared at her a little unbelieving.

“Yeah Ray it’s me you ok” Kara replied smiling at the confused man.

But Ray didn’t return the smile his brow was still creased as if he was thinking of something else and then his eye’s shone with unshed tears.

“I really hate the green light” Rays voice was broken and pained and Kara wanted to hold the man tight.

In a split second Mick was sitting on Ray’s bed and pulling the man into an embrace, he pulled Ray tight against his chest one hand on his back and the other on the back of Rays head.

“Let go Haircut!” Mick said and the floodgate opened and Ray began to sob.

Ray cried into Mick’s shoulder with his hands knotted in fabric of Micks shirt, his cries were filled with pain and none of the Legends had ever seen or heard their friend so distraught. With a horrible feeling Sara came to the conclusion that Ray may have got his memories back and that meant his lost childhood. The thought sickened her as she came to sit on the other side of the bed Kara stepping back to make room for her. She placed a hand on Rays shoulder and one over the balled fist and she too felt tears in her eyes. The room was silent but for the sobbing of Ray as he slowly began to calm himself and relax.

“Ray its ok we got you” Sara’s calm voice came out a little cracked as she wiped her own eyes.

Ray started to pull out of the embrace his face red and his eye’s still shedding silent tears. He looked at Mick whose face was like stone not betraying any of the thoughts that must be fighting beneath the surface.

“Mick?” Ray croaked out voice horse and Ray from crying.

“Yeah Haircut, it’s me” Mick said and a little of that hope returned to Micks eye’s

Ray then turned to Sara and was about to say something when he took in the room he was in and flinched.

“I don’t want to be in a lab, I need to be somewhere else” there was panic in Ray’s voice.

Ray was suddenly standing up looking uncomfortable and frightened as he made a beeline for the door and out in the corridor. He was whispering a mantra that was a little incoherent.

“Steel walls, no window, the cold knives, hum of equipment, the taste of technology in the air, everything is grey and smooth, monitors beep, the walls close in, don’t go to the light it only hurts, why can’t I leave have to leave before it hurts. Don’t want them looking down at me eye’s cold and calculating”

Ray continue to talk as he started to jog down the corridors fear lacing his words and everyone could do nothing but give chase. Soon Ray was standing on the bridge looking out of the large windows as the sun began to rise for dawn. No one wanted to interrupt him as he gazed at the sky and closed his eyes letting the morning light wash over him there was pause in the air, everyone holding their breaths before Ray turned and smiled.

“Sorry guys was feeling a little claustrophobic” Ray said in his usual positive voice.

“So yeah you remember us?” Sara asked feeling relieved.

“Yep Sara I remember you” He replied.

“What about me buddy and Amaya?” Nate said the joy in his voice evident along with the slight bouncing.

“Yes Nate you too and Amaya” He said smiling at them both before finally turning to Mick.

“I remember you too Mick and thanks for just now I needed that” Ray said smiling but Mick just stood not saying anything.

“I can’t believe how relieved I am to see you buddy, bro hug!” Nate said bounding over but Ray looked at him quizzically. “Um Ray?” Nate said back arms outstretched awkwardly as he stood there.

“Yeah I remember mostly, it’s a bit patchy. I remember missions just not all the details, I remember you guys just not exactly how we met or how much of friends we are. Don’t panic I get a feeling like were friends but not 100% on the details, I’m hoping Lex will help with that” Ray said his voice light but there was a visible flinch from nearly everyone in the room.

“Um guys what’s wrong and why are you looking at me like I just said something really bad” Ray said.

“Ray we were hoping with your memories back you’d want to stay with us, plus Kara was going to take you to her Earth so you could hear from your birth parents, didn’t you want to do that” Sara said trying to keep control of the conflict of emotions.

Realisation dawned on Ray’s face as he looked at Kara.

“Yes, yes I want to do that gets answers, get closure see a family that would have loved me, oh good I need to get better control of my powers and Kara you said your team might be able to remove the chip, sorry it’s still coming back to me” Ray blurted out all at once.

“Slow down Ray, take a breath and yes we’re ready, my team and I to do all those things we can go whenever you feel ready” Kara said as if she was talking to an animal that was extremely flighty.

“I have to tell Lex, I made him a promise but I’m sure he’ll understand and once I’m all good I can go back and finish the research we started” Ray started to babble.

“No!” came the sudden outburst from Mick and everyone turned to stare at the man.

“Um Mick, I made a promise I have to finish what I started you understand that” Ray said but he looked confused.

“What about the promise you made to me, I’m not letting some egotistical prick just steal you from right under my nose” Mick said voice angry and his expression dark.

“Mick…why, why does it feel wrong. I don’t remember a promise to you, I don’t remember why I should stay with you but it feels wrong to leave, why shouldn’t I go back to Lex?” Ray asked his expression looked lost and hurt and he was genuinely asking Mick to give him a reason to stay.

“Haircut stop being stupid, just snap out of it. I’m not letting you go back to that man” Mick practically roared.

“Then give me a reason to stay or let me go, I don’t like being trapped, forced to do things on other people whims. My parents did that, they took away my choice oh god I remember burnt flesh, did they really do that!” Ray said suddenly grabbing his arm and looking at it with alarm.

“Ray stay calm you’re ok, I promise I’m going to help you but try and focus on the present not the past” Kara said stepping forward ready to intervene.

“I think I’m scared of fire, I remember the feeling, the smell of burning flesh the heat and pain” Ray said voice getting lower as he started to withdraw into himself.

Mick stepped forward, he’d shed his jacket and was rolling up his sleeve to reveal his scarred arm and thrust it for Ray to see.

“Me too Haircut, I know what it feels like to be burnt and I promised I’d never let anyone hurt you and you’d not turn out a monster like me” Mick said.

“You’re not a monster, I promised I’d never think of you that way” Ray said his voice small and confused.

“Tell him Mick” Sara said and Amaya was nodding in agreement.

 

“Tel me what Mick?” Ray asked looking far too innocent for a man whose past was starting to come back and haunt him.

Mick was scared, he didn’t want the demons of Ray’s past to come back and consume him, he could see it there lying beneath the skin ready to take away the man he loved into the darkness.

“It’s not the time” Mick snapped before adding, “Go with Skirt these nightmares are gonna haunt you like mine haunt me if you don’t find a way to deal with them, you need this Ray more than you need me” Mick said and started to walk back looking defeated and heart broken.

“No!” this time it was Ray’s turn to yell. “No I do need you I just don’t remember why but Lex needs me too and I remember why, he needs me to help change the world, the betterment of mankind, to make me feel important and wanted” Ray shouted looking angry and confused.

“Then maybe you should go be with him, I don’t give a rat’s arse about saving the world or the fate of mankind. There is only one person I want saved and that’s you, you idiot!” Mick spat out but he was angry and hurt and couldn’t control his emotions anymore.

“Your the biggest idiot I ever met but you saved me in so many ways and now I have to be noble and let you waltz back to some smug git, Damn it Haircut what do you want from me, I can’t even give you a fraction of what he can and all I want to do is go over there and set fire to his place” Mick was panting now physically shaking with anger.

No one wanted to intervene, they knew this was a personal scene but they couldn’t interrupt each one feeling like an intruder, each one mentally telling Ray he was mistaken about Lex and wishing that Mick would just be open about his feelings.

“Why Mick!” Ray shouted looking nearly as dangerous as Mick did.

“Because I’m in love with you Ray!” Mick shouted back before all the colour drained from his face and his eye’s held panic. This was not how he’d planned to tell Ray, not out of anger, hurt or jealousy and he was shaken.

Ray’s anger left immediately and the tension left the room, he no longer looked confused or scared. A smile broke out on Rays face as he beamed at Mick looking every bit the over grown puppy he could be. Mick didn’t know what to think but all he knew was Ray was looking at him with that gaze full of devotion and wonder and it made his heart skip a beat

“You could have just said” Ray said with a smirk.

“Oh don’t you dare Haircut” Mick grumbled slowly turning a shade of red as he noticed the smirks on his team mates faces, “what are you all staring at!”.

“Mick, I may not remember everything about us but what you said is one the realist things I feel. Your right I need to go with Kara get my memories in order. I need to go explain to Lex why I have to leave and why I have to break that promise” Ray said and Micks eye’s widened.

“Yeah I just feel like I owe us that, so once I get my memories back how about you tell me again and I promise I will give you a proper response, though maybe not in front of the whole team” Ray finished looking a lot more relaxed and focused.

Everyone else was smiling and Nate appeared to be wiping a tear away while whispering to Amaya, “most romantic thing I’ve ever seen”.

“Ok guys time to get back on track, Kara let your team know Ray is heading back with you, Ray do you want anyone with you when you talk to Lex.” Sara asked.

“No I have to do this, I just need to grab some stuff and then I’ll meet back here. Mick you better get anything you need for the trip too” Ray said with such nonchalance Mick almost missed it.

“What wait Haircut, you want me to come with you?” Mick said a little surprised.

“Yeah I thought that be a given, I’m going to get closure and sort out my memories and I’m pretty sure having the boyfriend I only half remember with me is the done thing” Ray said smiling before continuing.

“What you said jogged a memory, I don’t know how or why we started but I know we are, were, can still be dating, it’s confusing. I care about you and that being separated from you hurts, this is very different to the way I feel about Lex and it feels wrong to go with Kara and not have you there, if that’s ok?” Ray asked.

“Yeah Haircut I can deal with that but if Lex does anything I am going to be over there to punch his lights out” Mick said but a smirk beginning to from on his face.

For the first time in ages things were starting to come together.


	31. Chapter 29

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 29

Ray walked with purpose to Lex’s door, his guts twisting with guilt but he was resolved and needed to make Lex understand why he was going to leave for a bit. He’d gone to his room first, he wanted to make sure he had a peace offering to help Lex take the news a bit better. Within his memories were all kinds of research plans and information from his time as CEO of Palmer Tech along with access codes to old data projects filled away. He got Gideon to draw up all the information and transfer it to the data drive he had in his room. He’d been nervous at seeing it knowing what horrors it contained and had refused to look at it for a while. Suddenly they feeling of being trapped and alone started to creep back in and he had to keep himself occupied getting Lex all the information he might need to continue their research without him for a while.

Ray was going to offer to come back on occasions and see how their projects were doing, schedule some visits so they could work together again but first he needed to come to terms with everything that had happened to him. He didn’t have time to go through all the data but he hoped among it would be the information Lex was looking for on the energy source. Ray was also going to let Lex see all the files his parents had on him including the videos. Maybe it would help Lex understand why he needed to leave and exactly what he was dealing with, maybe Lex would find some valuable research in the files and put his parents atrocities into good use, some good could possible come from his horrible past.

He felt the tightness in his chest thinking about his past, he was aware of how much more nervous the world made him. The site of the metal walls closing in on him around the Waverider, the windowless rooms making him trapped and wishing for the sight of sunlight. He flinched at every green glow he saw emanating out of a console and was pretty sure being in med bay was going to be difficult. He worried about the inevitable tests he was going to need once at Kara’s Earth and how he was going to react to them. He was worried about being in Mick’s presence when he fired his heat gun because whenever he remembered them on missions and Mick firing he now felt cold and sweaty, terrified that they flames may torch his skin and remembering the smell of it. 

Ray didn’t have time to waste he needed help before things got worse as he suddenly realised he’d been holding the edge of the desk his hands crushing the metal beneath his fingers. He was pretty sure super powered aliens with PTSD didn’t make for the best of times and he was scared he’d hurt his friends or anyone that got too close. Steeling his resolve and trying to focus on the positivity in his life, his friends, the Legends, his heroic deeds, saving the world and his new and slightly confusing relationship with Mick. How could he be so sure he was meant to be with the man, how could he fancy the guy this much but not remember how they got together or why he likes him? This was another question he hoped would be solved soon not just because it was confusing him but it must be hurting Mick.

Ray grabbed the data drive and while he knew it didn’t feel any different to him it felt cold and heavy. He made his way to the cargo bay to be let off the ship. Once there he was unsurprised to see Mick sitting on a crate glaring daggers at the cargo doors as if something truly hateful was on the other side.

“Mick I have to do this alone, I owe Lex that much” Ray said trying to sound reassuring.

“Don’t care, I don’t trust him!” Mick grumbled.

“It’s gonna be fine, I’m literally going to the floor beneath us what can go wrong in that amount of distance” Ray said with a smile.

“When it comes to you Haircut, everything!” Mick said looking at him with concern and annoyance.

“Mick” Ray began.

“No Haircut, just let me...” Mick gave an annoyed huff, “Just let me walk you to the door, I’ll wait in the corridor” Mick finished clearly hiding his embarrassment for being this possessive.

“Ok Mick to the corridor, then you have to let me do this my way ok, you have to trust me” Ray said and he really wanted to put his hand out and stroke Mick’s face but wasn’t sure if that was something they did or if it would just annoy the other man more.

Both men walked in silence to the roof door and down the connecting stairwell that led to Lex’s apartment’s floor. Ray was getting nervous and had a fleeting desire to hold Mick’s hand and get some comfort from the other man but again doubt crept in since he couldn’t remember if they were the hand holding type and Mick was already rather on edge. At the bottom of the stairwell once onto the corridor Ray turned and placed a hand on Mick’s chest halting him Ray didn’t really have words but Mick understood this is where he had to wait. Mick’s chest felt warm under Ray’s hand and he couldn’t resist stroking his thumb across the material of Micks shirt. Lost in thought for a moment he jumped a little when Mick’s hand came to rest over his and Ray just starred at the overlapping hands. Ray looked up at Mick the other man’s brows were creased and he was holding back but Ray could see the silent plea of don’t leave me again and I trust you but I don’t trust him. Ray didn’t know what to say to this so he smiled. It was one of those warm and loving smiles, filled with adoration and appreciating for Mick and only Mick and Ray felt the other man relax as he stepped away.

Ray now stood in front of Lex’s door and pushed it open stepping into the slightly chilly apartment as the window was wide open. Ray noticed the research area was totally packed away and Lex was sitting on the sofa with his face in his hands.

“Lex?” Ray asked a little worry in his voice.

Lex immediately snapped his head to Ray a look of relief and hope washing over him that made Ray feel guilty.

“Ray thank god, I thought I’d lost you!” Lex said as he walked over to him and hugged the man tightly.

“I didn’t know what I’d do if they took you away from me, I thought about how lonely it was going to be, I thought about how much I’d miss you, miss us and all the things that had been unsaid between us” Lex said holding Ray close.

Ray felt a surge of guilt and he stiffened in Lex’s hold. Lex sense something was off released his embrace and stepped back but kept both his hands of Ray’s shoulders rubbing his thumbs reassuringly where he held.

“Ray what’s the matter, are you ok?” Lex said voice full of concern and looking at Ray as if he was the world.

Ray felt awkward, yes he and Lex had gotten closer and he’d started to wonder if there was something more between them but he realised that most of that was misplaced feelings he had for Mick. But in all this time Lex hadn’t looked at him like this, this intensity was new and the warmth and tenderness in Lex’s eyes was making what Ray had to say even more difficult.

“Lex sorry I didn’t mean to worry you and you don’t have to worry about the Legends, we were wrong about them, their good people.” Ray started noting the little crease in Lex’s brow.

Ray couldn’t help but notice the similarities in Mick and Lex as this moment, the distrust of the other, the look of warmth and devotion, the way their brows creased, the silent anger underneath the surface and the desire to keep him safe and loved. This was really what it felt like and Ray hated that he was going to have to let his friend down and admit he wasn’t after a romantic relationship with him, maybe in a different life but this one he wanted to remain Lex’s friend not his lover. 

“Lex please listen to what I have to say and I am so sorry but I wanted to tell you myself and make sure you understood my choice. I owe you so much and the last thing I wanted was to hurt you” Ray said walking out of Lex’s hold and heading for the research area as it was a safe space and hopefully an area that meant something to both of them.

“Ray what is it, sounds like your breaking up with me before we even got started, what did the Legends say, is it really my worst fears and they’ve turned you against me” Lex said with deliberate sadness and looking like he was getting his heart broken. There was a pleading in his eyes and Ray hated the look, he didn’t want this.

“No Lex god no! It’s I got my memories back, good news our drug works!” Ray said smiling and trying to get Lex to take joy from the news too.

But Lex still looked sullen and worried making Ray wish he didn’t have to continue talking as Lex just said a small broken “Oh”.

“No Lex this is a good thing, I mean I don’t have them all back completely, some are patchy at best but there are some things I’ve learnt and if I don’t go and deal with them then its bad news all round” Ray said with his cheerful disposition but not expecting the response he got next.

“Why?” Lex said and Ray just looked at him blankly, “Why do you need to go ‘deal with them’, why can’t you let me help you, what’s changed between us, what about your promise” Lex said staring to let the anger crawl into his voice and his defeated posture turning into something more defiant.

“Listen Lex, I bought all the data to explain it, we were wrong about the Meta thing, I’m alien, Kryptonian to be precise and I only just found out and have a whole history, culture, family and set of abilities I have to learn and that means going with a friend who happens to be Kryptonian and has all the answers. You must understand if I stay I lose out learning about who I really am.” Ray said trying to sound earnest.

“I already know who you are, your my friend, my partner and a sincere and kind man that also happens to be one of the smartest minds I’ve ever met, you being Kryptonian changes nothing, it changes nothing for us” Lex said defiantly looking at Ray with confidence.

Ray again was reminded of Mick and realised why he thought there may have been a romantic connection to Lex, he was also stubborn and a little possessive. But Ray really thought Lex would understand, Mick had, Mick was willing to let Ray come and talk to Lex despite him not liking or trusting the other, Mick had agreed to put their relationship on hold while Ray sorted himself out. Mick wasn’t putting any pressure on Ray just trying to be supportive despite his own instincts and that’s what made the two men different and why Ray knew he was supposed to be with Mick, Mick was willing to wait for him, Lex apparently wasn’t.

“Lex can’t you see it does change things, I have a whole life I didn’t know about and won’t feel whole until I do. Plus I found out about my childhood and it’s left some pretty chilling marks that unless I learn to deal with could make me dangerous, I don’t want to accidently hurt you” Ray said a little more pleading in his voice.

“Then I’ll help with those too, I found you I am not giving you up!” Lex said and it would have sounding romantic if not for the possessive glint in Lex’s eyes that didn’t have anything to do with romance.

“Lex please just go through the data it’s all there and I think you’ll understand. I’ll come back whenever you want, to help work on projects, I mean I live on a time ship, you’ll be able to continue our research...” Ray started to offer but the look on Lex’s face worried him a little.

“No, you made me a promise, I thought we had something Ray how can you throw that away” Lex said but it came out a little chilling, a little controlling and not at all like the Lex Ray knew.

“Lex please you’re beginning to worry me” Ray said his voice sounding small under the intense glare of Lex.

Ray felt himself going cold, he hated that possessive look, and he knew it well he remembered it from his parents faces. He was theirs and no one was taking away their precious experiment. There was a predatory look in Lex’s eyes, a need and a desires to own and Ray could feel the panic.

“please Lex, I don’t deal well in these situations, I don’t want to feel owned, I’m not a prize, I can’t return your feelings don’t you get it, I want to stay friends Lex” Ray said and despite knowing he was superhuman he felt small and weak like when he was a child.

“We can do great things together, I promise with more time you will feel like I do, please Ray don’t break my heart, if you can’t do it for the research, for bettering the world, stay for me, just stay and be mine Ray” Lex said and he looked a little possessed.

“Lex I can’t stay, I’m in love with someone else!” Ray blurted out and then he felt his knees buckle under the terrifying and twisted look Lex gave him as he landed on the floor.

“You’re choosing that thief, that low brow brutish thug over me!” Lex purred out with vicious intent.

Ray was ready to be shouted at but this low and dangerous tone was far more chilling.

“Lex, Mick and I have history, it came back with my memories, I appreciate everything you’ve done, we are friends and we can work on great projects together but for now you have to let me go” Ray said pleading with Lex who was now crouching in front of him.

Ray didn’t understand why he didn’t just get up and run, all the powers in the world but the haunting trauma of his past meant that he was too scared to move, to face the kind of force that Lex was giving off. Lex raised a hand and cupped Ray’s check.

“You know you really are handsome, I bet I could make you forget all about that thug, together we could rule this world, you will never want for anything and all you have to do is stay, just say your mine” Lex purred stocking his thumb over Ray’s cheek.

Ray felt trapped, he wanted Lex to understand, he wanted them to part ways on good terms, be friends, and why had to it turned out like this. Ray felt Lex tug his head towards him and knew what the man was going to do next as he shut his eyes. Suddenly a memory of Mick gently pulling him for a chaste kiss flooded his mind and Ray raised his arms and pushed Lex back. He tried to not use too much strength as Lex was pushed away leaving a few feet between them. Ray was breathing hard panic rising in him as he felt weak and shaky, his head was fuzzy and he couldn’t get his heart to stop pounding. Words were getting lost on his tongue which felt heavy in his mouth as a cold sweat broke out over his body.

“You’re rejecting me!” Roared Lex, “After everything I’ve done for you, you plan on walking out on me, I didn’t think you were the kind of man that broke a promise, or someone who would slum it with the likes of Mick Rory!” Lex continued voice deliberately cruel and berating. 

Ray knew then he had to walk away, Lex wasn’t hearing him anymore he was already consumed by his own heartbreak. Hopefully with some time and space the Lex Ray had got to know would come back and they could talk like the civilised friends they were. Ray started to stand his legs shaking, he wanted to see Mick again. Lex had been cruel and Ray couldn’t abide with his attitude towards Mick. Mick wasn’t just a brute, he was worth something more and Ray wanted to find out what that was again. Lex was glaring at him and for a moment Ray genuinely feared what he might do now that Ray was trying to leave.

“I won’t forgive this Ray, I won’t stop until you come to your senses and belong to me like you promised. I won’t let you leave me!” Lex said coldly and it broke Ray’s heart even more, what had happened to change Lex so much, was this his fault.

The realisation that he may have twisted Lex, that Lex falling for him could have turned him into the man before him hurt more than he could handle. Ray felt the sting in his eyes, the burn and then he realised that Lex was standing stock still looking at him.

“So your gonna kill me, use those twin beams and put me down. You love that idiotic piece of trash so much that you’re willing to go this far just to be with him” Lex said voice smug and cruel.

Ray froze, everything was deadly silent and too loud at the same time before he shouted “No”. He looked at Lex stilling his courage and resolve returning.

“No Lex, I am going to go back to my team, my friends and Mick. I am going to go find out who I am, what I’ve lost and what I have to gain. I’m sorry you didn’t understand, I’m sorry I have to break our promise but I am leaving this data drive. I hope you find it useful, I hope some good can come from what’s on it and I hope you find yourself again. I wish nothing but the best for you Lex, you will always be my friend” Ray said and walked away.

Ray left the apartment taking a few steps down the hall before everything started crashing around him. He felt the cold sweat, the nausea, the panic, his eyes hurt, his head throbbed and he felt dizzy. He soon realised Mick was helping him to his feet as he walked on shaky legs with Micks support. He heard Mick snap something into the comms before hearing the worried tone of “Haircut”. In moments they were on the roof and Ray was panting, terrified and hurt. He heard more voices, someone saying he was having a panic attack and then someone shouting move back. Ray wanted to cry, he hated being made to feel like a thing or an object, he hated that look of ownership, he didn’t want to be a research experiment he wanted to burn that look off of Lex’s face. That’s when the twin beans came.

They shot out but he wasn’t really sure where but he felt them meet resistance. Soon his strength was gone though and he was looking at Kara who came towards him smiling and telling him to breathe.

“Can we leave here please” Ray asked still feeling shaky.

“Yeah Ray let’s get out of here” Sara said from somewhere over Kara’s shoulder.

Ray allowed Mick to help him regain his balance and walk him back to the Waverider, once on board Sara asked if he wanted to go to med bay but he shot that down with a look of fear.

“Haircut just needs a beer, not another bloody probing” Mick said and Ray felt his heart skip, this was why he liked the man. 

He didn’t really remember how but soon he was in the mess, there was a half drunk beer in front of him and he was leaning against Mick who had an arm slung over him protectively. Ray must have fallen asleep exhausted after his panic attack, that was something else he was going to have to deal with as these were a new phenomenon for him. The team were all seated around him Amaya and Nate nursing their own drinks and giving him little nervous glances and looks of concern. Sara and Kara were discussing something, asking what they think went down at Lex’s place but Ray didn’t want to think of that.

“Stop looking at him like he’s gonna break and you two enough with the mothers meeting, give Haircut a break when he’s ready he’ll tell us” Mick said unaware that Ray was awake

“Thanks Mick” Ray said voice small as he slowly leaned up right.

“Ray how are you feeling?” Sara asked looking concerned.

“Tired, confused, hurt and guilty” Ray said honestly.

“Only you could feel guilty about having a panic attack” came Nate’s voice but he was looking happier to see Ray awake.

“What happened?” Amaya asked face still looking concern.

“Don’t really want to talk about it” Ray answered reaching for his beer.

“Ray it may help to….” Kara said voice gentle and concerned.

“Haircut said he don’t wanna talk about it” Mick said protectively.

Ray realised that there was a big difference in someone who was possessive and someone who is protective and that the two could get confused.

“Lex didn’t take me laving well, I hurt him, well his feelings. I didn’t realise his feelings for me, I think he feels I betrayed him and I suppose I kinda did but he had this look, this look like my parents used to have and well I panicked” Ray explained not looking at anyone.

“You don’t need to explain Haircut, you didn’t betray no one, not your fault he didn’t handle rejection” Mick replied arm still around Ray and squeezing him gently.

“I just want to move on” Ray said and he just couldn’t find any more words.

“Ok you give the word and I’ll open the portal, we will be in National City in the blink of an eye. Once there we can head to the DEO or a bar or anywhere you want!” Kara explained.

“Sounds good, I want a rest first, I’m exhausted but once awake National City here we come” Ray said and without asking Mick got up ready to offer help if Ray needed it and the two men walked out of the mess. They listened as the voices called ‘rest well’ and Ray smiled a little finally feeling more at home.

Once at Ray’s room he had a weird feeling of déjà vu as he and Mick starred at each other awkwardly.

“You can come in Mick, to sleep” Ray said sheepishly, “I don’t really want to be alone” he continued in an embarrassed voice.

“No prob Haircut” Mick replied.

Inside Ray removed shoes and got onto the bed feeling tiredness throughout his body. Mick did the same also removing his jacket and allowed Ray to position himself. Ray was glad that Mick was letting him decide what made him comfortable, not pushing, not demanding just silently letting him know Ray was in charge. Ray put his head on Mick’s chest listening to the steady heart beat as he closed his eyes the feeling or strong familiar arms holding him as he drifted off to sleep.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Lex watched Ray go unable to stop him, between the display of strength and the threat of the beams Lex knew if he pushed it Ray would lose some of that precious control and Lex had no counter for his abilities. Lex felt the rage and betrayal coursing through him, so it was as he feared Mick Rory was in love with his Ray and the feelings were mutual. Lex had tried to manipulate Ray’s feelings, tried to make him see the truth and that he was better off with Lex but Ray was so damn good and pure and perfect. Lex hated losing him, hated that Ray would choose Mick over him as he picked up a chair and threw it across the room.

This led to an all-out rampage as Lex flipped the desk and punched one of the monitors displaying Ray’s last brain scans. He didn’t care that the drug worked, he didn’t care that Ray got his memories all he cared about was that he lost. Ray was supposed to be his and now he was off finding himself and slumming it with the likes of Mick Rory. How could Ray choose that sorry excuse of a man over him? Lex was rich and powerful, he was a genius and had offered Ray the world. Well if Ray didn’t want the world then Lex sure as hell did and if Ray ever wanted to do any good in it he would have to face him and pry it from his hands. 

Lex knew two things, this wasn’t over and when it was Ray would be his and he was going to take great pleasure in killing that mad dog Ray had chosen over him. It was then that Lex saw the data drive on the coffee table by the sofa, Ray’s peace offering. Lex had half a mind to toss it out but he was also a curious mind and it held secrets, maybe even secrets Lex could use to win Ray back and make him stay.

“Miss Tessmacher, I need the laptop from Ray’s bedroom” Lex shouted out as he sat staring at the device.

A thought occurred to him, he didn’t have the physical strength to restrain Ray but would a Synth like Miss Tessmacher, would a cyborg body given the right power source be able to stand toe to toe with Ray. That way Lex would be able to make him stay with him, until Ray came to his senses it would be what was best for the man.

Tessmacher came in carrying the laptop and soon Lex had plugged in the drive. He was unprepared for how much data there was on it and he pined for Ray even more knowing how much they could have done together with this combined with Lex Corps own data. Lex didn’t know where to start, there was files on Palmer Tech, all current and past research, lists of access codes and locations of old holdings and warehouses. Ray had given Lex everything he had promised but it wasn’t enough for Lex not without the man himself. Then there was all the data under a different file and Lex remembered Ray talking about his past, his childhood and marks it left on him. What could be in these files that made Ray think he could be dangerous? Was this about being alien, a what did he say Kryptonian.

This was when Lex’s eyes caught it a file named Kryptonite, he started to read and his eyes went wide. Kryptonite a mineral that held strong amounts of energy, can be engineered as a power source in its own right but has a curious effect when exposed to a Kryptonian. This was it, Ray had handed Lex the answer to his prayers as Lex clicked through to the videos on Kryptonite exposure. The gears were working in Lex’s mind putting things in place as he smiled a dark and sinister smile. Kryptonite, a power source but also having the ability to weaken Kryptonians. All was good for Lex Luthor!


	32. Chapter 30

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 30

Mick woke, he couldn’t remember the last time he had slept soundly or with any kind of peace and he put it down to the slumbering man in the crock of his arm pit, curled towards him sleeping peacefully. Mick wondered when was the last time Ray slept well and if he would continue to now that some of his past memories were back. Mick took in the relaxed and gentle face, glad that his boyfriend wasn’t being plagued by nightmares. But could he really call Ray his boyfriend, they seemed to be back at the beginning well at least for Ray. Ray admitted he had feelings for Mick but no context and didn’t really know much about their relationship. This was frustrating for Mick, especially since he went and announced in front of everyone just what his feelings were.

Mick felt like an idiot, many had called him such over the years, he’d played the idiot well but of course one of the people who never fell for the act was the man sleeping beside him. Now though he really did feel like he was an idiot, shouting out over emotional declarations and wanting to go set fire to a jealous dick who had tried to steal his boyfriend. A boyfriend that didn’t really remember anything about them dating but who had at least chosen him over Lex Luthor, so Mick had to hold onto that. Mick realised that this wasn’t about him and as much as he wanted things back to normal for him and Ray he had to let the man recover.

Ray getting a grip on his past, his background and his powers was the priority, if the memory issue was solved Ray would know just how much they’d gone through to get to where they were. But with the horrible realisation that Ray could have his entire childhood back there was no way in telling how that might change him. With those memories would Ray be the same man, stuff like that haunts a man and there was a good chance Ray would have some severe PTSD. Well it was too late for Mick, he’d already fallen hard and if he had to spend the next few weeks, months or years helping Ray deal with his trauma that was that.

Mick knew a thing or two about a tragic childhood and was resigned to stay by his man’s side through whatever trauma these memories would unleash. If Ray didn’t get his full memories back or if the trauma starting to strip Ray of his ability to remember why he was with Mick then he would just have to show the man. Mick was determined, if he had to win Ray’s heart all over again then so be it, he knew it would be worth it because no one had ever made him feel as valid and important as Ray Palmer. It was Mick’s turn to be the confident one, to know what he wants and go for it and not let the other person’s insecurity stop him from having some happiness and love in his life. Mick again felt a little stupid, he’d never been this emotional or soft in his life, and he really must be love sick.

Ray started to stir beside him and Mick felt that jolt of familiar longing and desire when brown eyes looked at him as if he was the world and Ray couldn’t be happier to see him.

“Stop it Haircut, your gonna give me ideas and don’t think you’re ready for that” Mick said supressing the desire to kiss the man.

Ray blushed furiously and sprang up getting out the bed.

“Um yeah no, not that I don’t think I’d like it but I don’t remember if we ever have or well not sure it’s fair to you since I don’t remember much about us dating and well your very attractive but don’t want to take advantage” Ray started to babble looking anywhere but Mick.

“Relax Haircut, when the time is right believe me you won’t be the one taking advantage” Mick said taking a small amount of pleasure at seeing Ray blush and stammer, at least they still had the mutual attraction, the desire was still there.

“Look, I know you don’t remember everything that was us, so I’m just gonna have some more patience. When things make more sense we’ll come back to us, for now…”Mick started to say but his words trailed off as he noticed Ray start to still.

Ray was looking around the room, the blushing and nervous energy changing as he looked a little worried and started to tremble slightly.

“Haircut you ok?” Mick asked voice concerned.

“There are no windows” Came Ray’s small voice and suddenly realisation dawned in Ray’s eyes and the man looked frightened.

“There’s no windows, I can’t see out, I need to get out, can’t get trapped.” Ray said voice shaky.

“Ok Haircut sit and breathe, just keep breathing. This is the Waverider, this is your room, your safe” Mick said making Ray sit at a chair by his desk.

Rays breathing was a little panicked as Mick quickly grabbed Ray’s shoes and put them on along with his own, all the time talking to the man and trying to keep him calm and taking in breaths.

“Mick I don’t want to be in a steel room, please let me out” Ray said voice sad.

It hurt Mick to think that Ray for even a second thought Mick might be keeping him in here but he knew the words came from a place of fear, from a childhood memory of a lonely cold steel bedroom.

“It’s ok we’re leaving!” Mick said grabbing two back packs and taking Ray’s hand.

Mick led Ray to the bridge squeezing his hand to keep him reassured and focused. Once on the bridge they were greeted by the swirling green of the time vortex and Ray froze. Mick knew this wasn’t what he wanted Ray to see and that things could go badly quickly. Mick immediately pulled Ray into a hug holding his head against his neck as he felt the man shake a bit. He stroked Ray’s hair and continued to tell him to breathe, even as he heard Ray murmur about the green light. Mick swore before shouting to Gideon.

“I don’t care when or where but get us somewhere with sunshine and blinking clear sky’s this minute Gideon!” Mick demanded.

“Mr Rory I have coordinates but you need to pilot the Waverider” Gideon explained.

“Can’t you see I’ve got my arms full, get someone to the bridge now or just do it yourself unless you want a hole blown through you any minute now” Mick roared with impatience.

Ray was shaking and holding onto him tightly, he felt his fingers press into his arms but then realised, that while a harsh grip it could have been much worse. Either Ray was holding back his strength even while trying to supress a panic attack or his strength had somehow depleted. Mick had no time to dwell on this as he heard Gideon apologise for something and then ship suddenly jumped out of the temporal zone. The force of the jump without a controlled exist made the whole ship shake violently as Gideon tried to steer it. Mick and Ray where knocked off their feet as Mick instinctively fell in a way that would cushion Ray and the two men lay sprawled on the floor.

“Haircut look” Mick said at the shaking man in his arms and sure enough the change in Ray was obvious. He stilled as sunshine flooded the bridge and turned to look out at clear blue sky.

The Waverider was flying above the cloud line with nothing but blue sky in all directions as Ray stood up and breathed a deep appreciative sigh. He then turned round and offered a hand to Mick to pull him off the floor from the siting position he was in. Mick grabbed the hand but wasn’t ready for just how strong Ray was as he was pulled off the floor at speed and the moment made him crash in the other man knocking them both back towards the console and nearly knocking the wind out of Mick. So much for the fleeting thought that Ray’s powers were diminishing.

“What just happened?” Came the worried voice of Sara as she ran onto the bridge.

“Yeah I just got tossed from my bed!” Nate said following her in with Amaya in toe who was still giggling a bit as Nate rubbed his rear end.

“Wow what a view!” Kara’s voice added to the mix on arrival as she starred out the windows.

“I couldn’t agree more but really guys I’m happy your back together but on Gideon’s consoles in the middle of the bridge where anyone can walk in!” Sara said raising an eyebrow at the two men.

Mick suddenly blushed as he realised how it must look, him pressed up against Ray who was practically bending back over the console.

“It’s not how it looks, we stumbled after the jump” Ray said his face and voice the picture of innocence.

“Of course buddy” Nate said with a giggle before shutting up as Mick glared at him.

“Look idiots, had to make a jump Haircut needed this, didn’t have time to wake you, was worried about him blowing a hole in the ship. Side note, Haircut and the temporal zone, not the best match” Mick explained stepping back and letting Ray have his personal space.

“Too much green, sorry guys guess some of these memories are having odd effects on me” Ray said looking foolish as he stared at the ground.

“No need to apologise, no one got hurt, well maybe Nate’s pride, most importantly you’re ok” Amaya said ignoring the “hey” from Nate.

Ray was still looking sheepish when Kara spoke,

“There’s gonna be a lot of changes Ray, some of which none of us are going to fully understand but we’re all here for you so give the word and I’ll open that portal, Alex is gonna do pancakes for breakfast”.

Ray smiled and pulled himself back up, he then looked around his team feeling a bit guilty he was just going to leave them after everything they had done for him.

“Go Ray, go find out who you’ve always meant to be, a true superhero” Amaya said smiling and Ray couldn’t help but go in for a hug. “Your gonna do great things ok and we’ll be waiting for you when you come back.” She finished.

“Yeah buddy, once your back we can see whose skin is more industructable” Nate said as both Sara and Amaya shouted “No your not”.

“Gonna miss you, last bro hug for a while” Ray said and both men embraced patting each other on the back. Amaya and Sara rolled their eyes and then looked at Mick who was doing his awkward shuffle for whenever the two mates got all clingy like this.

They could tell Mick was on the verge of giving Nate a very dirty look and for once the man must have sensed this cause he broke apart from Ray. Ray then turned to Sara and smiled.

“Thanks for coming to get me Captain” Ray said smiling,

“Come on Ray like I’d ever leave you behind, just promise me you will take it easy, don’t push yourself, actually sleep and try to stay out of trouble” Sara said.

“I’ll try, when I am back I’m gonna be the best team mate you ever had” Ray replied.

“Ray you are already the best team mate, so just go and be the best you and try not to give Mick an aneurism ok” Sara continued noting the shin coming over Ray’s eye’s.

“Don’t you dare Ray, if you cry I’ll cry? You’re not gonna be gone long, you’ll be back before you know it, so go and show those guys just what a Legends can do!” Sara said and Ray pulled her into a hug.

“Thanks for everything Sara and I promise we won’t be gone long, this team, this family is where I belong and I don’t ever want to forget that again!” Ray said before releasing the hug and adding “Apologise to Jax and Martin for leaving without saying goodbye” and Sara nodded explaining they’d understand before he walked towards Kara. Ray noted Mick saying his own farewells.

Mick was trying to avoid the sentimental goodbyes, for one thing this was temporary and another he didn’t want any more relationship advice, he already knew that looking out for Ray was his number one priority. Luckily his team knew this, Amaya gave him a hug and whispered a quick “look after that boyfriend of yours” which he replied with an eye roll that said everything that needed to be said. Mick rewarded Nate’s offer of a hand shake with his best death glare, making sure the man knew that he wasn’t a 100% ok with how long he’d held onto his boyfriend. Just when Nate was starting to look scared and look like he wanted to brace for the punch that was coming his way Mick smirked and grabbed Nate’s hand. A mutual understanding passed between them, Mick knowing Nate wasn’t interested in Ray like that and Nate knowing that despite that Mick was always gonna torture him over the “bro hugs”, it was just what they did. 

Lastly Mick went over to Sara and before she could say anything he cut her off.

“I know everything your gonna say Blondie, I already made a promise to myself to look out for him and that no matter how long it takes I’ll be waiting for him, just cause Haircuts got some issues now, and let face it who doesn’t especially myself doesn’t mean I’m gonna let them come between us. So don’t worry, I won’t punch anyone who doesn’t deserve it, I won’t threaten to burn down this DEO unless it’s necessary and Ray will have everything I have to give” Mick finished.

“I was gonna say bring me back some of that alien liquor from the bar Kara was telling us about but yeah good to know” Sara said with a smirk.

“Ok but look out for yourself to ok, your no good to Ray if you lose who you are in this but yeah try not to set the DEO on fire, I’d like to get invited back” she finished.

“You got it Blondie! I have a favour, if you hear anything about Luthor, if he does anything fishy you stop him. I have a gut feeling things aren’t over between him and Haircut” Mick said and Sara nodded.

Mick then turned back towards Ray, he and Sara weren’t the hugging type, they got that about each other. Ray was smiling pleasantly and it made Mick have that feeling inside of being warm and belonging.

“Ok Skirt time for your magic portal thingy” Mick said.

“Well actually it’s not magic it’s…” Kara began.

“Really don’t care” Mick said but it held no bite and Kara just smiled before pressing a button and the breach opened.

Kara waved at the rest of the Legends saying her own goodbyes and promises to do everything to help Ray and get the two team mates back as soon as possible. Mick barely registered the words as he watched Ray. The man was looking excited and nervous but he wasn’t scared. Ray’s eyes were fixed on the next part of this journey, his focus on the things to come, the things he would learn and Mick was happy for him. Ray had a whole new adventure for good or for worse and he was ready to face it. Ray then turned and smiled at Mick, a smile that was knowing and warm. Mick felt the meaning behind it, Ray may be about to have a new adventure and a new world to discover but Mick was going to be right there with him, no matter what was to come Ray wanted Mick to be part of it and he couldn’t help but return the smile.

“Ok guys, I’ll step through and then you follow” Kara announced before she disappeared into the breach.

Ray and Mick stood side by side giving each other and the teams a last look before both stepping through themselves enveloped by the blue light of the breach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya wonderful readers, I have to take a small break for real world things. I have deadlines for papers and Con panels I'm doing. But should return to this story in about a month when I've met my deadlines. Thanks lots me dears!


	33. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am back from having to deal with real life! More fic chapters coming soon me dears!

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 31

Stepping out of the breach Mick was glad to be back on solid ground, it may have but a mere moment but it was unsettling enough and definitely not his favourite mode of transport. At least when they travelled through the temporal zone the Waverider did all the work and unless something was going wrong, and let’s be honest that was more often than not, the ship was steady and solid and he barely registered they were travelling on time waves. They had emerged in what was the most normal looking apartment he’d ever seen. It looked so domestic and clean and regular, after years of the Waverider he’d forgotten what non-metal rooms looked like and this place was covered in signs of being lived in and well kept. It was a little kitsch for his liking and clearly belonged to the beaming Kara as he turned to look at Ray.

He saw the look he was expecting, the look of joy and excitement, of course Ray would like this homely, warm dwelling, with its open planned kitchen, the smell of baked goods, large windows basking everything in morning light and it all looking very comfortable. He hated it, far too warm and friendly if he and Ray lived here they would have to make room for some workout equipment, let alone a workbench, no way Ray was surviving without a study and he could just imagine how cluttered that dining room table would be with books and tools. Plus ok it wasn’t like he would have a colour scheme of grey, even he didn’t want to live somewhere that looked like a prison cell, but these warm colours made him shiver, no definitely greens. Mick stopped himself, there was no way in hell that he was mentally picking out colour samples for a hypothetical apartment with Ray. Nope that moment of domestic stupidity didn’t happen, he needed a beer.

So much for not getting ahead of himself with Ray and letting the man work on himself before Mick and him returned to working on their relationship. Mick had promised that Ray get help first and then they would take it from there, planning what their apartment would look like was not the thoughts he wanted running round his head.

“Your home is lovely Kara, so warm and welcoming, it’s just as I imagined” Ray said with a smile, both himself and Kara sharing dorky happy grins.

“Yeah skirt lovely, where do you keep the beer” Mick said as a way to shake the stupid thought from his head especially now that Ray was grinning like an idiot all relaxed and happy and it warmed Micks heart to see.

As if in answer the door opened and in came another women, tall with short brown hair wrestling a case of beer.

“Kara why do we need beer, it’s like 10am in the morning. Oh, hello welcome, um you must be” Alex started as Mick strode over grabbed the case and went and sat on the sofa already pulling one of the bottles out and opening it.

Alex gave him a disapproving look before turning to Ray who was giving her an apologetic look and then smiled before offering his hand.

“Hi I’m Ray Palmer, nice to meet you” Ray said warmly.

“Alex Danvers, Kara’s sister, heard a lot about you Ray pleased to meet you” Alex said.

“That is Mick Rory don’t mind him, he seems gruff and unapproachable on the outside but inside he’s ...” Ray started.

“If you say just a teddy bear Haircut I’ll kick your arse” Mick said between swigs of beer.

“Ok well still kinda gruff and unapproachable but once you get to know him there’s more to him than that, well I think there is I don’t know it’s kinda a feeling, he’s a good person who’s been through a lot” Ray finished.

“They don’t need me life story Haircut, you’re the one we’re here to help” Mick said trying to sound uninterested but keeping one eye on Ray.

“Yeah Alex, believe me Mick is one of the good guys, he’s just well Mick” Kara couldn’t find anything else to say. “So breakfast?”

“Yes please I didn’t realise how hungry I was” Ray said cheerfully.

“Right go sit at the table, we have pancakes and bacon and muffins and bucks fizz, just give me a moment to put it all on” Kara said before she started speeding around the kitchen and soon muffins were in the oven and she was carefully watching her pancakes.

“It’s good to put a face to the man Kara has spoken of, you’re her cousin’s doppelganger but you really don’t look different, though you have a similar smile. Sorry is it ok to talk about this stuff” Alex said but seeing the drop in Ray’s expression at the mention of him looking different made her panic.

Alex turned to get help from her sister only to find she was receiving a death glare from Mick.

“It’s ok I know you guys have read and seen everything on the data drive, you probably know more about me than I do, it’s hard to get around that” Ray said in a smaller voice trying to smile.

Not really knowing where to go with that Alex just blurted out, “well you have a nice smile just like our Superman”. 

Mick was on his feet striding over towards the dinner table, he hadn’t wanted to play domestic family time but someone needed to lookout for Ray and that was very much his job.

“Look GI Jane, we get it, you know Haircuts shit but maybe let the man have a normal breakfast in Skirts normal ass girl pad” Mick said gruffly before plonking himself into a chair at the table and gesturing for Ray to do the same.

Alex just stood for a moment blinking, she wasn’t sure what surprised her most, the random nickname, the rudeness of this man, the way Ray just smiled at him like he’d declared his love for him or the way somehow Mick had a better read on the situation and had got her out of the whole she’d dug with Ray. Mick was now back to glowering at her before he spoke again,

“Oi skirt, don’t mean to put a damper on our morning tea party but what flour you using?” Mick said. 

Both Kara and Alex looked very confused and just started at Mick before Ray broke out into a smile so wide they understood why it was so easy to fall for the handsome man.

“Mick its ok, the healing ability cures allergies, I worked that out with the mice. So yeah bring on the wheat and gluten!” Ray said looking at Mick with appreciation.

Mick looked at haircut and smirked clearly happy that he’d proved he still knew Ray the best and that he was looking out for him. He gave Alex a look of triumph and she was really confused and then it clicked. Kara had said Mick was a little protective and seriously the jealous type and since they’d been up against Lex Luthor Mick was probably worried about people trying to steal his boyfriend. She wasn’t quite sure how these two men were even dating, they seemed so opposite. 

“Just cause you can eat wheat again doesn’t mean you should, you’ll get fat” Mick said teasing Ray.

“Nope apparently I’ve got high metabolism, not gonna get fat regardless of what I eat, doesn’t mean there is gonna be any less veg in our diet, no slacking on the salad.” Ray replied.

“Yeah right, like your gonna make me eat salad when you can eat anything you like” Mick replied.

“Still gotta stay healthy, plus maybe I don’t want you getting out of shape” Ray said teasingly.

“Ha, look at all this, never looked better, few more donuts isn’t going to make a difference, we’ll burn it off anyway” Mick said sounding reassured.

“So you’re going to bring me more donuts?” Ray added.

“Dream on Haircut like I’d bring you treats.” Mick added but he was smirking.

“Like you’re going to resist bringing me treats, my favourite ones are…” Ray said before Mick cut in.

“The ones with icing and sprinkles and don’t look so pleased” Mick replied and then took another swig of his beer making sure he gave Alex another side eyed glare.

Alex looked up at Kara who was coming over with plates of pancakes and bacon about to ask.

“Are they always like this?” Alex said and Kara nodded.

“Yep, one minute Mick is gruff and distant the next you can cut the sexual tension with a knife and you hear things that make the roots of your hair blush” Kara whispered.

“They just, well flirt, and well Mick was so uninterested and grumpy looking and now he’s looking at Ray well, I hate to say it but I’m imagining some, oh god I think I might need a drink” Alex added.

“You get used to it” Kara said and then placed the breakfast down.

“I have a girlfriend!” Alex blurted as she sat at the table and both Ray and Mick looked at her, “Yep Maggie, very serious, very committed and definitely female, I am not into men at all, nope just women!” Alex finished turning red.

Ray’s face was soft and understanding totally unperturbed by the information or how it came out in a random torrent. Mick looked like he relaxed a bit suddenly realising she wasn’t a threat to his man. Mick studied her for another moment and then took the outburst for what it was, a gesture to reassure him.

“You look like you need a drink GI!” Mick said.

“God yes!” Alex said as she opened the bottle Kara had bought and thought screw it who needed to mix the sparkling wine with orange.

Once she had pour everyone a glass, Kara had settled the rest of the food at the table and brought over Micks beer crate they raised their glasses in toast. Yep she needed this drink. She noticed Mick and Ray clinking their glasses and despite first impressions she had to admit they had chemistry. She hated that Ray had gone through so much hell, the things she’d seen on the data drive, if that had been Kara she wasn’t sure what she would have done. But despite all the horror here they were having breakfast, flirting and relaxed.

“They’re both a lot stronger than I think I would be in their situation” Kara said leaning close to Alex.

“I hate that I know so much about them, so much about Ray when even he doesn’t, it seems unfair. I just want to well... “Alex said.

“Protect them, make sure that what they have isn’t destroyed by the horrible truth. I want Ray to have all the strength and support I did, I want them to be happy” Kara finished looking at her sister.

“I think we can toast to that” Alex said.

The rest of the breakfast they ate and Ray ask questions about this earth wanting to know everything. Mick sat back in his chair nursing another beer and just watched his boyfriend talk excitedly, every now and again smirking at him. They avoided talking about anything to do with the data drive or what had happened to Ray, all parties waiting for him to bring it up himself. No one wanted to rush the man and it wasn’t until they were cleaning up breakfast, well everyone apart from Mick who had said as a house guest he didn’t need to help, that Ray finally said.

“Kara I’d like to see you city and then maybe it’s time to head to the DEO?” his voice a little reluctant.

“Yeah Ray, we can fly over, I can show you where I work and some other sites and then head over” Kara answered.

“Nope, not letting you out of my sight Haircut” Mick said suddenly paying far more attention.

“It’s ok Mick, the Lex Luthor of this earth is in Jail, my team are always monitoring for threats and keep us updated, people are used to seeing me fly about the city and well Ray will never be out of my site. I promise nothing bad will happen” Kara said but she saw Mick darken.

“Look Skirt, I trust you kinda, but last time you and Haircut were flying about it went very wrong” Mick said voice low with warning.

“That’s when I went berserk and flew off, Mick we were training then, this time it’s just a flight, what..” Ray replied.

“Don’t say what can go wrong, I really hate that, I don’t know this earth. If there is even a chance that you can get in trouble I’m not gonna risk it” Mick said defiantly.

“Mick there is always gonna be a risk, I’m an alien with brain damage. I’m so messed up and broken that I’m trying to find ways of stalling going for help cause the idea of more tests scare me half to death. Really I think a flight is less likely to trigger anything than going to another lab” Ray said voice getting more shaky.

“You are not messed up or broken, they do anything you don’t like in that lab and I will beat the crap out of them, but in the air I got no way of having your back” Mick said a little angry over the broken comment but sounding supportive and worried. 

“Mick some of this I’m gonna have to face along, if I don’t deal with somethings myself I will always use you as a crutch, not sure that’s fair on you” Ray said a little pleading.

“Don’t care, your my partner, always gonna be here for you so it’s not a question of fair” Mick said a little defensively.

“Please Mick, some steps I have to take alone, sometimes you’re going have to let me support myself and then I will have the strength to be there for you. We are partners but I don’t remember if I’ve even had your back so let me learn how to support you the way you support me” Ray ended looking t Mick earnestly.

Mick couldn’t counter that, it hurt suddenly remembering Ray didn’t totally know everything that had happened between them. Ray didn’t remember how much support he gave, how equal their partners ship was. Now Ray was asking him to let him do some of this alone, not for himself but so he could be a better person for him.

“This is so you Haircut, always putting other first. Ok fine go have a fly about but don’t try and do anything because you think it will make me happy, make you stronger for me, your fine the way you are so got get stronger for yourself and Skirt if anything happens..” Mick said.

“I know, you’ll burn my apartment down” Kara said but looking at him with determination and a silent promise to keep Ray safe.

“Ok Ray lets go for a spin” Kara said and soon the two were taking off out the window.

“I’ll take us to the DEO you can wait for Ray there plus you’ll be able to see where he is going and how far away he is” Alex explained.

Mick grabbed a couple of beers from the crate and put them in his pocket for later before turning to Alex.

“Ok, lead the way GI Jane” Mick said but he sounded tense.

As they left the apartment Alex started to say,

“Look about before sorry if you thought I was coming on to Ray”.

“Don’t sweat it, gotta get used to the fact that my man is a catch, plus anyone who can drink that much prosecco and still go in to work sober is ok by me” Mick said reassuring Alex but also still looking worried.

“He’ll be ok. Kara isn’t going to let anything happen to him” she said reassuringly.

“Yeah the universe has a habit of doing everything in its power to make sure he isn’t ok” Mick grumbled.

“I know you’ve both been though a lot and since Kara is my sister and Ray is kinda her cousin that makes him my cousin, so he’s family and us Danvers will do everything for family. You have my word Mick, we’ll help him” Alex said giving Mick a very definite look.

“Thanks, shame your taken you’d get on great with our Captain and she’d be all over you” Mick said with a smirk.

Alex just blushed a bit but appreciated that this was Mick making her understand that they were good, that he trusted her and she was gonna make sure that trust was well placed.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Ray knew he was stalling by asking to go for a fly around the city with Kara but he couldn’t help feel apprehensive. He knew that going to the DEO would mean tests and that meant he’d have to relive some memories that scared him. Those childhood horrors were swirling in the back of his mind and he was glad that only a handful had come back as the ones he got were bad enough. He felt the lingering PTSD, the desire to run and hide and withdraw but also the fear of being trapped and alone. Flying though was a true escape, he was in the open air without a single suffocating wall and the bright sun washing over him making him feel strong and alive. The wind against his skin and the expanse in front of him made him feel truly free and without restraint and he wished he could stay up here in the sky.

But he also could feel all the conflicting feelings running around his head now he had the space and freedom to think about the last few days. He didn’t want to think about Lex and how they had parted, still holding out hope that some space and time would repair the damage he’d done by leaving Lex. He hoped that Lex would come to understand Ray’s decision and also come to terms with Ray choosing to continue his relationship with Mick rather than try to start something new with Lex. He knew Mick was the right choice and felt guilty that he had essential dumped Lex for the other man and even with only half memories of what he and Mick shared he knew that once he remembered there was something very special about Mick.

He had enjoyed flirting with Mick, it had felt natural and had made him feel more human, which was ironic as it seemed he was anything but human. But it made him feel like a real person, someone that another person would fall for and want to flirt with. Flirting had come naturally and there was chemistry there that Ray could not deny and he wanted their full relationship back. He felt he’d need it to get through what was to come, something solid and comforting to rely on. As much as he told himself the priority was to get himself better, to find out who he was and how to be the man he wanted, he couldn’t help think that Mick was an important part of that. 

Ray was also aware that he was a little selfish in the fact that he wanted Mick there so he had someone to rely on when it got hard and he got scared. He wasn’t sure if he was mentally or emotionally strong enough to face all the memories crawling back to him. Also he just wanted something normal in all this crazy, he wanted to have something certain to hold onto and Mick was offering both of these things plus giving Ray the space he also needed to sort himself out. If this wasn’t love he wasn’t sure what else could possible come close. He was definitely right in his gut feeling that Mick was a good person, you just had to peel back the layers and be willing to see past the defensive outer layer, or just refuse to let him get to you and keep pestering him until at some point Mick stops being as annoyed by your presence. Something told Ray that he may have used some of the latter as a tack tick for winning Mick over, apparently perseverance paid off.

Ray was aware that he and Kara had been flying in silence for a while and that she had been giving him the time and space to relax and wait for him to speak. Truthfully now that he could ask questions he didn’t even know where to begin as he stopped mid-flight and looked at her. He smiled and tried to convey that he wasn’t sure what the right thing to say was.

“So that big building just a bit further away is Catco, where I work. If we head in the opposite direction we will get to the DEO” Kara said offering Ray a choice on what he felt ready to deal with.

Ray wasn’t sure why he asked the next question but somehow he wanted to make sure and keep his hope alive.

“The Lex on your earth, how did he feel about your cousin, did he and Clark or should I call him Kal-El, get on at first.” Ray said voice small as he looked at the ground and tried to avoid Kara’s understanding but concerned eyes.

“Ray I don’t want to lie to you, so I’m sorry that this is probably not the answer you want. But yes they did get on at first and yes they could have been friends but Lex was jealous of Superman, he never knew his real identity. He thought together he and Superman could change the world but along the way rejection and jealousy twisted him, power and ambition drove him mad and friendship turned to rivalry to hatred to the desire to destroy the world if it meant proving himself better than Superman. All that talent wasted but that doesn’t mean there isn’t chance that your Lex won’t go down that path” Kara explained as she watched Ray’s shoulders drop and face fall.

“If he does it will be my fault, I would have taken a good man and ruined him.” Ry replied.

“You can’t think like that, it wasn’t your choices that made Lex change, he was the one that let jealousy twist him and your Lex may be a stronger person than the Lex on this earth. My best friend is a woman called Lena Luthor and yes she is Lex’s sister and it took a while to trust her but she is everything Lex could have been. She didn’t let jealousy and power corrupt her and she is one of the strongest and amazing people I’ve ever met. She’s proof that having the name Luthor doesn’t automatically make you a monster, it’s the choices you make yourself. Kal-El will tell you the same.” Kara finished looking at Ray.

“Thanks Kara, I just well I hope I can save him before he gets to the same place your Lex did.” Ray replied.

“And that is what makes you a hero Ray, that’s what makes you just like Kal-El even he still hold out hope that his Lex can be saved from the man he’s become” Kara said.

“I look forward to meeting him, I think I have a lot to ask but before that it may be time to face priority number one. Let’s see if we can remove this chip for good and see if we can get my memories back. I’m tired of being lost in a fog” Ray said looking a little more determined even though some of the fear was still playing in the back of his mind.

“Sure thing Ray, DEO here we come and I promise my team are going to do everything to get those memories back and give you back your life” Kara said and with a comforting grin flew in the direction of the DEO.

Ray took a breath and followed, not matter what came for better or worse it was time to face it head on.


	34. Chapter 32

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 32

Mick came to the conclusion that Alex was ok, she had a tough exterior and liked to put up a good front but inside she was just like the rest of them. She was strong both mentally and physically but still somehow tender and easy to wind up, a little more emotional than she let on. Most importantly she liked a drink and had pretty much skipped most of the techy part of her tour of the DEO and been showing Mick all the weapons she got to use, clearly sensing this would probably be the thing that would peak his interest and keep him distracted until Ray arrived. There were some pretty mean guns in the weapons locker as Alex recounted stories of aliens they had bested with them, trying damn hard to keep Mick interested and not totally on edge by the fact Ray and Kara hadn’t arrived. He’d been assured if anything had happened they’d have been informed.

When he’d arrived at the DEO he’d been greeted by a J’onn J’onzz, who was clearly in charge and a rather no nonsense kind of guy who appraised those under him like his children. The kind of father that was strict and tough but would probably lay down his life in an instant if it meant protecting his family. The kind of father neither himself nor Ray had had and definitely the kind that would be very disapproving if his kids came home with Mick Rory as their boyfriend. Well Mick was used to people eyeing him up, not sure whether he could be trusted or was in fact as reformed as he claimed to be. He didn’t blame the man, Mick was as much a stranger to him and he was to Mick. Mick just wanted to make sure this man would treat Ray with the respect he deserved and wouldn’t take any risks with helping his boyfriend.

The other main member of this team was a man who could have been Ray and Nates love child. He was clearly the team geek as he babbled excitedly about time travel and how exciting and fascinating being a Legend was. Mick knew immediately he didn’t like this Winn. He was far too friendly and nerdy, a bit too familiar so Mick shot him a look that told him where he could shove his questions. Sensing the tension Alex had suggested showing Mick around and maybe putting his stuff in the rooms they’d prepared for him and Ray. Mick knew he had one important job to do for Ray and that was make sure the Atom suit got put up in a suitable space for Ray to work on it.

“Fine GI Jane but first I need to make sure Haircuts suit is put out safely” Mick said trying to sound dismissive and not like he was after boyfriend points.

“Yes sure, I have prepared a work area for it, must admit I am so excited to see this suit can’t wait to work on it” Came the chipper voice of Winn.

“Watch it shorty, Haircut doesn’t let just anyone work on his suit and he put me in charge of it so if you know what’s good for you I wouldn’t go pocking around it” Mick said in a warning voice.

Mick took pleasure in seeing the colour go a bit from the tech boy, and maybe because he was a bit more on edge about Ray’s non-arrival he was taking out a little on this poor man, well so be it, the poor sod would just have to cope.

“Yes, of course sorry got excited. I’ll lead you to the work space and then um, oh look I have some data that needs evaluating” Winn squeaked and the moment he’d done his duty of taking Mick to said work space he turned and practically ran back the way they’d came.

Alex had looked at Mick in a, did you have to, kind of way and Mick saw a little of Sara in her. The way she somehow understood what was going on under the surface to make Mick say and act the way he did. Once the Atom suit was on its frame, the next stop was their new quarters. Mick didn’t really care much about where he was going to be sleeping all he wanted to do was make sure the space wasn’t likely to freak Ray out. 

“We made up two rooms, next to each other, as we didn’t know what was appropriate since Ray hasn’t got his full memory back” Alex started to explain but he say her getting uncomfortable.

“It’s good, knowing Haircut he’ll barely use his and where he goes I will to watch his back. Whatever else is going on between us is second and something we’ll work out” Mick said not sure why he felt the need to reassure her or be so honest. 

Two rooms had been set up which were down the hall from a kitchen area, both rooms though had showers and some basic mod cons like televisions. Mick didn’t really care just throwing his and Ray’s bag onto the bed in the first room. Alex sensing that this wasn’t the place Mick wanted to be then quickly brought up the weapons asking Mick if he’d like to see some impressive guns. Mick smirked at her.

“Well that’s one word for it, did Haircut arrive?”

He took pleasure in the red flush that descended onto her face as she realised what he was insinuating before taking pity and saying yeah go on show off your Earth whatever’s fancy weapons. He was glad for the distraction, he didn’t want to dwell on the rooms and whether or not Ray would be comfortable sharing or if he’d have to sleep separate or worse Ray had a nightmare and he wasn’t there when his boyfriend woke up. He was grateful that while Alex shared similarities with Sara, she was far easier to wind up and not as used to Mick’s crude humour. This team on whole seemed a little more innocent or naïve, aliens they may know but a good innuendo was sure to send them all blushing.

Mick by this point had slightly checked out of the conversation, the weapons had been fun for a bit and some were mighty impressive but he was getting antsy, where was Ray? He looked over at the various guns and started to wonder that if these had been designed to take down aliens, did that also mean Kryptonians.

“Don’t worry” came Alex’s reassuring voice, “None of these have ever or ever will be used to take down Kara, therefore Ray has nothing to fear from them”.

“Good cause then I’d have to break into this room in the night and burn everything” Mick said looking serious but sensing that Alex knew it was more for show as she gave him a small smile. 

Immediately though Alex put her hand to her ear and then her smile broadened.

“Just got word from Kara, they’ll be arriving any minute” she told Mick and turned to lead them back to the main area.

Mick was glad to have Alex’s back to him because he was able to let out the breathe he was holding and allow himself to drop the mask of disinterest. Thank god, Ray was on route, nothing had happened and all was good.

They arrived at the central hub of the DEO ad Mick could feel the buzz of anticipation, of excitement and slight trepidation. These people were both looking forward to the prospect of another Earths Kryptonian but also worried about what he would be like. They really shouldn’t worry, Ray was a puppy and no doubt they’d all adore him. Ray was like Kara, happy, good and pure, he’d fit right in. Then Kara flew in the open window, a large circular area clearly designed so she could do this with ease. Following behind wearing the kind of smile Mick would have put money on was one Ray Palmer. He looked happy and nervous but that wide smile and big brown eyes made his handsome face come alive.  
Mick got a sudden jolt of butterflies, like he hadn’t really seen Ray, suddenly he remembered just how good looking his boyfriend was, how his inquisitive and overjoyed face was lit up by a warm and friendly smile. His caring but curious eyes sparkled with intelligence and excitement. Mick got the sudden urge to just stride forward, have Ray land in his arms and kiss the ever living daylight out of him. He wanted to run his hands through that beautiful hair that was slightly windswept and dishevelled giving him a sexy out of bed look. Ray’s long and well-formed body was slightly tussled from the flight as he came to land next to Kara and Mick suppressed a little growl of arousal. Then Ray did the most Ray like thing as his gave a dorky smile and a little wave and said,

“Hi, I’m Ray, um I come in peace”.

If Mick had a beer he would have spat it out, of course Ray would quote something so nerdy but he smiled warmly taking it as a sign that the man before him was feeling a little more himself. Ray then set his face into a more determined and serious look and said.

“Thank you, thank you for offering to help me, for giving me the chance to find out who I am and be the best I can. I look forward to working with you”.

A murmur went around as people relaxed and Mick heard Kara say that it was their pleasure to help him. Mick then heard, which he assumed he really wasn’t meant to, tech boy whisper to Alex, “I think I’m in love”. Mick turned his eyes on the man who was looking at Ray with adoration and excitement and glared at him. Winn had not noticed the death stare aimed at him.

“Alex look at him, he’s like Kara and Kal-El combined, I took a quick peak at his suit, the mans a genius plus he’s so damn nice, is it wrong I’m getting a little nervous about meeting him” Winn continued and Alex looked at him a little with sympathy.

“Yeah, he’s a lot like Kara and by all accounts a kind and brilliant person, it breaks my heart he ended up with parents like his rather than with the Kent’s.” Alex replied.

“I know what you mean, how does someone go through everything he has and still smile like that. Not sure what I was expecting, he’s a little more like something from a fantasy I had then I….” Winn said but then Alex cut him off with a look,

“And in a relationship with a man that will burn you to crisp for even looking at his man that way.” Alex said and then looked up as if trying to spot Mick.

She locked eyes with him and tried to convey that Winn was just talking and please don’t beat up her friend who clearly doesn’t know when to shut up. Mick glared back but appreciated that she knew Mick and his jealous side. He then saw Winn turn nervously in the direction Alex was looking and Mick put everything into the death glare he now was wearing. Mick glared daggers at Winn making the man shrink and look like he wanted to be swallowed up by the floor. That’s right, Mick thought, that beautiful, intelligent and heroic vison you see before you is mine and if you even dare let me catch you making eye’s at him your dead. Mick didn’t need to say it, he knew Winn got the idea. Mick then turned back to where Ray, Kara and J’onn were talking, he was a little annoyed but he called it, there was no way someone wasn’t going to fall for Ray, he had that effect on people.

Mick was beginning to feel a little grumpy, he’d been here only a short time and someone was already giving his boyfriend eyes, said boyfriend had disappeared and now he was finally here being greeted by everyone so Mick could just stand there and wish he had a beer. Finally whatever introductions going on between Ray and the big boss where over and he was gesturing for Ray to meet the other team mates, that of course meant tech boy. But instead of looking over at Winn, Ray started to scan the room and Mick’s betraying heart gave a little skip at the idea Ray was looking for him. Ray soon found Mick his smile turning warm and happy as their eyes met.

“Mick, there you are! Did you see me arrive? I remembered everything Kara taught me about flying, what did you think, I looked good!” Ray started to ramble and Mick walked towards his boyfriend.

“Yeah, Yeah Haircut you look hot, way to make an entrance” Mick said but there was a smirk playing on his lips.

“Sorry Mick, I know I should have come sooner but I wasn’t ready. I am now, I’m ready and don’t want to waste time. Not with getting me healthy, finding out about myself and us” Ray said with determination.

“Ok Haircut but the whole room doesn’t need to know about or love life” Mick said suddenly aware people were looking at him with that infuriating, oh they are cute together, really how do they make a match, god it must be so hard for them, I hope we can help so those two get to be happy. Mick hated all the mushy energy heading there way.

“Ok, so you guys gonna fix my boyfriend” Mick said looking directly at J’onn.

“It’s not quite as simple as that Mr Rory but we will do everything in our power to help him” J’onn said before turning to Ray,

“This Mr Palmer is our resident genius Mr Winn Schott, you’re in good hands and he will talk you through everything you need to know” J’onn explained introducing Winn.

“YoucancallmeWinn!” Came Winn’s voice fast and shaky before he gave a deep breath and tried again.

“Call me Winn and I am happy to be of help, If you follow me I will talk you through the initial tests and what we have planned” Winn finished with a smile.

“And Call me Ray” Ray replied as he flowed the other scientist and the two began to babble in tech speak.

Mick followed making sure to glower at the back of Winn’s head but the man was now in professional mood and not making goo goo eyes at Ray. Mick didn’t understand a fraction of what the two scientists were discussing and truth be told he didn’t care as long as it meant Ray was getting the help he needed. They were soon at the med bay and the moment Ray stepped into the space he froze. Mick feared this and put a reassuring hand on the back of Rays lower back, making sure the man knew he was there. Ray was taking short breaths, trying to keep himself calm when he groped around behind him for Mick’s hand.

“Just breath haircut I got you” Mick said dropping all pretence of disinterest and boredom, now was not the time for facades, now was the time to be a strong and steady partner, make sure the man he loved felt no fear or threat.

“I can do this” Ray said stepping further into the room, “I can do this!”

Ray stilled took a deep breath and turned to look at Mick. Mick saw there was still panic in his eyes and uncertainty. Mick forgot about the world, he forgot about anyone else but him and Ray. He forgot that he was meant to be a hard, unfeeling brute, he forgot that he didn’t show emotion, he forgot that dealing with said emotions was hard and new. In that moment all he knew was he loved this man, possible the strongest man he’d ever met who was standing before him looking fragile, like he was going to break into tiny little pieces. Mick wasn’t sentimental, he wasn’t great with word or feelings, he liked people fearing him, and he liked his cold and angry façade except when he was with Ray. With Ray he had feelings, Ray didn’t hate or fear him, Ray made him sentimental and want more, to feel more. Mick put both his hands to Rays face, looking him in the eyes and trying to get the other man to sense this. Then Mick pulled Ray down a little and kissed him lightly on the lips.

“You can do this!” Mick said in a calm and reassuring voice as he watched the strength return to Ray’s eyes, him smile fondly and take control of his body.

“Thanks Mick” Ray replied.

The world came back into focus, Winn had a look of misty understanding and Alex was trying to look somewhere else giving the two men their private moment.

“Ok guys, let’s solve the problem of Ray Palmer and his missing memories!” Ray announced and everyone put on their games faces to get to work.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Ray was still a little all over the place when had arrived at the DEO, he put on a smile though and was genuinely happy to be greeted by so many hopefully looking faces. The people here wanted to help him, they were curious about him too but he felt no animosity and that was a great comfort. He’d been introduced to J’onn J’onzz who was in charge and truthfully he was a little distracted during the introduction, eager to see Mick who he knew would ground him and help chase away the remnants of fear he had. J’onn was a seasoned leader, he had gravitas and presence and Ray felt reassured knowing someone so capable ad commanding was in charge, he also sensed that J’onn cared deeply for his team and hated to see them suffer, somehow this curtesy had also been extended to him. He caught a line about Kara saying he was like a long lost cousin and therefore family and any family of Kara’s was family to him too.

This made Ray smile further knowing how much family he now had, family that cared for him much more deeply than the one he had thought was his own. He had to find Mick, he felt that familiar uncomfortable prickling when memories of his childhood came up, a feeling of unease that Mick seemed to be able to understand and truthfully he was scared a childhood memory would burst forth. J’onn took the opportunity to introduce another important member of the team but Ray had looked round trying to spot Mick and felt his nerves calm upon spotting the other man. Even without the full memories of his relationship with Mick he still felt how much of a comfort this man was too him. He may look gruff and uninterested but underneath that was a man that loved Ray and Ray just knew that Mick was his pillar in all this. 

Having Micks presence again meant he was able to focus more on his introduction to Winn Schott who he would be working with. Winn was easy to talk to, a fellow scientist and inventor like himself, they spoke the same language. But it wasn’t until he stepped into the lab that it sunk in, he was going to have to be tested, probably operated on to get the chip out and have to leave some of his care to others as he himself would be unconscious. Was he ready to give up so much control, could he bare to have others tinker with his mind and body without his knowledge. It wasn’t as if it was without consent this time, this team were also doing all this to help not harm him but still he stood motionless feeling the panic rise.

He tried to say a mantra of, I can do this but he felt tense and fear was creeping up him like cold tendrils. There was monitors beeping and sound he was so familiar with, they took him back to a young age. He remembered being very little and trying to sleep while monitors beeped and gave off an unnatural glow in his bedroom. He’d eventually thrown enough clothes over them to try and drown out the light and sound, as he grew older he’d got used to the sound or had been so out of it and exhausted from tests he slept through the distraction. He didn’t want this memory, it may lead on to far more horrific and cruel ones, especially faced with a med bed that had a tray of instruments next to it. Winn had explained they weren’t going to do anything invasive yet and that it was in fact Alex with the medical training who would be doing the majority of tests, they wanted to just check his vital to start with, yet the fear was beginning to dreg up memories he didn’t want.

He felt a reassuring hand on his back and desperately reached round to grab it, wanting an anchor to the here and now so he wouldn’t be sucked into the trauma of the past. Mick had then come to stand before him and he had the rarest look on his face. Ray couldn’t remember him ever looking at him like that and he felt so sad that he couldn’t. But Ray was being looked at with love, compassion and understanding. Even with the memories of Mick he did have there was nothing with this relaxed face completely devoid of Mick’s usual mask. Mick in this moment had dropped all his pretences, he wasn’t playing tough or the brute, he wasn’t playing dumb or dangerous, he wasn’t even trying to hide his emotions, something Mick was very much known for was not handling his feelings and emotions well. But here he was looking at Ray with emotion and Ray’s heart soared. This was why he needed his memories back so much, he wanted to remember everything about this man, not just why they were together, not just because he was sure he loved him back but because this man was more than he gave on and he shared all of that with Ray. Ray wanted to share everything he was with Mick to.

Then Ray felt reassuring hands on his face and he closed his eyes at the familiar touch allowing his head to be drawn down into a small chaste kiss. Ray didn’t really care who was looking all he cared about was the fear and insecurity being washed away. He could do this, Mick had faith in him and when his memories came back he could be with Mick fully again. Ray stilled himself, gathered his courage and announced it was time to solve the mystery and problems that was Ray Palmer!


	35. Chapter 33

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 33

The rest of the day had gone smoothly but Ray was on tender hooks trying to stay focused and not let fear creep in. He was doing well keeping flashbacks of the past at bay but this was mostly due to Mick’s presence. Mick in a show of real growth wasn’t trying to hide his feelings or pretend he was a tough guy. Mick had sat by Ray’s bed holding his hand and squeezing it reassuringly every time Ray started to tense up. Ray could tell Mick didn’t have the words or was still too embarrassed to say anything too mushy but he was being a strong presence and Ray was good with that. Ray had mostly been distracted with Winn’s conversations, the fellow scientist had taken it upon himself to describe every piece of medical equipment and device to Ray. Some were earth made and very high tech, some were alien and some a combination of both. In truth Ray found these descriptions both helpful and fascinating. He was so much more comfortable in the world of technobabble and he and Winn chatted excitedly about the strange devices. Also by talking about them like this they became less alien, less unknown and Ray didn’t fear them.

Ray had been so distracted by how the scanner worked and its components he’d missed Micks eye rolls, which he had no doubt happened every time a new piece of tech got brought out, but he’d also missed the fact that he’d been scanned. Kara had come in at one point and used her X ray vision just in case she could see something that machines couldn’t pick up but it yielded no different data from what had already been picked up. The day had pretty much been a way to get Ray used to the lab, get him familiar with the equipment and the presence of Winn and Alex who were to be his medical professionals. In all honestly Ray wanted to spend the rest of the night going through the alien tech, his inventor brain was already thinking of ways he could apply it to his own research projects and then he thoughts solemnly went to Lex.

Mick must have sensed this change in mood as he snapped at Winn to stop talking and give Ray some space, standing up to block access to Ray.

“Sorry Mick just thought about Lex, no don’t worry just what could have been, what we could have done with some of this tech, what we still could have achieved if he hadn’t…” Ray trailed off.

“You mean turned into an obsessed psychopath” Mick said in an angry voice, not likely to forgive Lex Luthor anytime soon, “Forget about him Haircut, you tried and he couldn’t handle that you have your own shit to deal with”.

Ray smiled weakly before replying, “Yeah Mick I know, just I can’t believe how it played out and I feel like I lost a good friend”.

“Well you have gained a new friend here!” Winn chirped up smiling and Mick begrudgingly moved a step back so Ray could see the smile.

“Thanks’ Winn, and thanks for making this all so much easier” Ray said giving Winn a warm smile and for a moment thought he saw Winn blush before the other man busied himself in some data on a monitor.

“Ray your part of the family now and of course that means you to Mick” Alex said looking at both men with a protective look that only a sister could give.

“Yeah guys, plus Ray I know things went bad between you and Lex. I know that it could have been different but I also know it was the same thing with Kal-El. He and Lex started as friends too. When he’s done with some urgent business he is gonna head here, I think him talking to you would help give you some closure on Lex” Kara explained and Ray appreciated it but at the same time wasn’t sure if he wanted closure on Lex, a part of him thought he’d still be able to get through to the other man given some time.

“Ok guys we have all the scans we could possible need” Winn piped up, “Some of the ones we’ve done have given a much more detailed look at this neural net but we’re gonna need a little time to look over all this to form a plan of action. You ok with that Ray, I know we promised answers but well there’s a lot of data and we want to be thorough” Winn explained.

“Guys you’ve been amazing so far and I wasn’t expecting answers on the first day. I really want to help with the research too!” Ray piped up as he started to rise from the bed.  
“Not likely Haircut, food first and a break. I hate to be the one of reason but just you know, chill for a mo.” Mick said not sure what the right words were.

“Yeah maybe I need a moment to compartmentalise and now you mentioned it I am hungry and maybe a change of clothes and a shower, oh god when was the last time I showered. Am I sitting here smelling, why did no one told me!” Ray started to babble.

“Haircut you’ve smelt worse” Mick said with a dirty grin and Ray just blushed.

“Ok Ray I can safely say you don’t smell but I think Micks right and a bit of time to process would be good.” Alex said trying to hide a smirk at Micks words.

“Yeah I’ll pop out and get us food” Kara said in a cheery voice before disappearing.

Ray then allowed Mick to lead him to what was going to be their rooms at the DEO, still a little distracted by his thoughts of Lex but knowing there was nothing he could do about the situation and he had to focus on the now. Once at the room he shuffled towards the shower but was suddenly pulled back by strong arms. He allowed Mick to hold him, his back flush against Mick’s chest. He could feel Mick’s rise and fall as he breathed and the warm breath on the back of his neck. Slowly he turned in Micks arms and rested his head on Micks shoulder and but his arms around his boyfriends waist holding tight but not using his super strength.

“Let go if you need to Haircut, I got you” Mick said in a rare voice of comfort and truthfully feeling that sincerity coming from Mick made Ray feel so much better.

“I’m ok, just a lot of thoughts. There’s so much to take in Mick. One minute I’m trying not to think about my childhood, the next I want my hands on those pieces of tech, want to pull them apart and put them back, the next I wonder if they’ll work with the atom suit. Then I’m thinking about how this tech would help Lex Corp, then I miss the Lex I knew, then I feel guilty about what happened with Lex. I then feel guiltier because I hear about Kal-El and get excited to meet him and hear about my birth parents but then get scared because he’s everything I was supposed to be...” Ray could have continued like this slowly getting more worked up about the various thoughts going on in his head but he felt Mick tighten his grip and then cut across him with;

“You are already who you’re supposed to be Haircut. No matter what this ‘Superman’ is like he’s him and you’re you. I don’t want you to be anyone but you” Mick finished.

“What if he’s so much better than me?” Ray said voice a little scared.

“Hah, not likely and so what if he is, he’s still not you. Haircut stop being an idiot, you think I’ll be here trying so damn hard to do right by you, prove I deserve you if you weren’t already perfect” Mick said and then stiffened.

Ray looked up and saw the blush across Mick’s features and thought that was one of those very rare moment when Mick could definitely be called cute.

“Stop looking at me like that you doe eyed idiot, thought you wanted a shower?” Mick stuttered trying to deflect from his current embarrassment.

Ray could tell Mick was desperately trying to will himself to stop blushing so did the only thing that felt appropriate and gave him a peck on the nose and a cute smile.

“Stop that!” Mick yelped pushing Ray back a bit the tips of his ears pink with embarrassment.

“I think I’ll have that shower and thank you Mick” Ray said smiling, feeling the butterfly’s going in his stomach and his heart beat quicken. There was something very special about being the only one that saw Mick like this, let alone knowing he was the one that could cause Mick to blush. Ray felt warm and loved as he took a few steps to grab clothes from his bag. Mick was still trying to regain him composure when he said,

“You know I could join you if you wanted”. Normally this coming from Mick would be very seductive and arousing, Ray would have blushed deeply felling turned on but his boyfriend was still blushing and it came out a little stammered Ray just giggled a bit. 

Ray could tell Mick was trying hard to sound like himself, to sound more like the sexy predator to cover up for the cute behaviour but it was failing.

“Ok fine Haircut, laugh it up!” Mick growled finally sounding a little more like his gruff self, “Go take your shower, I’m gonna do the same next door but I will be back before you’re out ok”. Mick added clearly wanting to make sure that Ray didn’t have to worry about being left alone. 

Ray gave another soft smile before heading into the bathroom and getting himself comfortable in the shower. He was still smiling to himself about Mick’s cute display and then he let the words settle over him properly. Despite everything he was going through, despite what he’d been through Mick thought he was perfect the way he is. Ray allowed himself to let that feeling of love settle over him as he stood in the shower, the hot spray cleaning away his doubts and fears. He wasn’t sure how long he had zoned out in the shower but soon snapped to attention realising he should probably wash his hair and then go out to meet Mick.

Ray looked around the bathroom trying to spot shampoo and for the first time really took in his surroundings. The bathroom was basic and functional, what he expected for something like a DEO base, it was definitely lacking the personality of the Waverider. The walls were a grey steel, the shower curtains probably military issued. The light came from a florescent bulb fixture on the ceiling he could just make out over the curtain rail. There was an extractor vent for the hot steam to escape but that was about it, it was a pretty cold steel room so very much like his childhood bathroom. Starting to feel his claustrophobia rise he pulled back the curtains and scanned the other wall, like he expected no windows, in fact he hadn’t seen any windows in the room where he would be sleeping. 

He really had to get over this no window thing, it was silly this wasn’t his childhood bathroom or bedroom. This wasn’t a steel prison, waiting for him on the other side of the door was Mick. The room wouldn’t be cold or isolated, there was warmth both physically and emotionally so all he had to do was step out of the shower. But he couldn’t, he felt like a frightened child remembering hiding in his bathroom just thinking if he stayed there longer then his parents would leave him alone. He’d gone to have a shower desperately washing off the dried blood that had clotted about his abdomen. The incision long healed but the dried blood was stuck to him, his parents had cleaned some of it when he came to but he had insisted he wanted to go wash it off. They had fed him a line about needing surgery and that the reason he’d felt so ill was appendicitis.

At the time Ray had believed them thinking it a very natural answer but as the memory came back he began to realise even at his young age something felt wrong. He had to go check out the scar from surgery and for that he needed private. Once in the shower and the dressing torn off there was no scar and just so much dried and clogging blood. Some of it still looked fresh and thick, as he took his hands away from his lower body they too were not covered in wet blood that had mixed with the water of the shower. The shower cubicle he stood in was soon being covered in the thin red water and Ray began to shake. He felt cold despite the heated spray and slide down the wall to sit on the floor, the water running down his face as he tried to not imagine himself covered in his own blood and trying to work out what was truth or fiction when it came to his parent’s stories.

Ray needed to move to get out of the bathroom as he grabbed at the taps to stop the shower, unfortunately he didn’t control his strength as he crushed the tap beneath his grasp and pulled it off the wall. He was aware he was getting colder, he let out another deep breath trying to still the panic but it just made everything grow colder like the pit of his stomach. He started to believe that the cold haunting memory was in fact causing his body to freeze over. Steam was no longer filling the room, it had an icy chill to it and he was convinced he could see icy frost form on his body. It was as if Snart had used his cold gun on him but that of course was impossible. Again Ray took a deep breath and let it out trying to calm himself but he was feeling sleepy, the shower water was no longer falling on him as he was aware that water was pouring out of something else. He was as cold as ice as he let his hand drop and the metal fell from his grip clanging to the floor.

This was when he heard the bathroom door open and the much panicked voice of Mick. Mick was swearing but Ray was just numb, he was just a sacred little boy hiding from his parents, hoping the longer he took in the shower the longer they left him alone without needing him for some experiment. He wanted to sleep but Mick was yelling at him begging him to stay awake and cursing himself for leaving him for even a moment. Ray felt arms pick him up from the floor and carry him out of the bathroom, cradling him close and then he was on a softer surface. A blanket was being wrapped around him and a worried voice kept asking him to stay awake. Again he was in strong arms and he was aware he was on the move but he didn’t care where, he assumed his parents needed him for the next experiment so why not just fall asleep at least then he didn’t have to be conscious for whatever happened next.  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Mick had watched Ray go into the bathroom, he was still slightly flustered after their exchange and it was gonna be a while before he got over the look on Rays face. Ray had looked at him as if he was the cutest thing he’d seen, like Mick was some kind of small animal. Why had he gone and said something so sappy, so ok it was true Ray was pretty damn perfect and he wasn’t going to let him say anything otherwise. Mick certainly didn’t want Ray comparing himself to this other Superman, cause no matter how good this Kal-El had it he was a very different man and no way was he gonna be better than Ray in any way, Mick realised he may be very biased. Mick wanted to be there for the moment Ray was ready to leave the shower, he didn’t want to impose on Rays time the man probably needed a moment to collect thoughts.

Mick was very aware that these rooms had no windows so wanted to make sure that the moment Ray left the shower he’d be there to whisk him somewhere with a view. He also planned on asking if there was somewhere else they could stay as he was pretty sure grey steel walls were not gonna be any comfort to Ray. He was also still feeling a little red from blushing and could do with a cold shower himself. He decided that a quick shower was probably a good idea and indeed it was probably the fastest shower he’d had. He’d stripped quickly throwing clothes on the bed and hearing the dull thunk of undrunk beer bottles bounce about and then got into his own shower. He made sure to keep the temperature low, for one thing he didn’t want to get too comfortable in case Ray needed him and he didn’t want to be too tempted by thoughts of Ray naked and wet just beyond the wall. Any other time this would have been a great moment to touch himself a little while the thought of Ray filled his mind and god did he want to but no he was still trying his best to be the up standing boyfriend.

Despite this even while standing in the room fully dressed, staring at the door to the bathroom Ray was in, he’d still managed to mess it up. He was waiting to hear the shower stop, he didn’t want to go in there, didn’t want to risk allowing his lecherous mind to betray him and end up just ogling his boyfriend. He’d promised to wait for Ray to be in a better place before trying to rekindle the intimacy of their relationship. So he was trying to be a gentlemen when he noticed the chill in the air. At first he hadn’t really realised that the sudden drop in temperature was coming from the bathroom but then he heard the clanging of something falling to the ground and his heart stopped.

Mick pulled open the door noting how frozen cold the handle was and then was greeted by a whoosh of cold air as if he’d just opened a fridge door. He had no idea what was going on and for a moment his heart panged for Len as the temperature and sight made him think of his late best friend and partner. But then he saw Ray shivering and covered in a thin frost sitting on the floor underneath a shower. His boyfriend was turning blue and beginning to lose consciousness and Mick’s heart sank.

“Haircut, damn it Ray what the hell happened. Hey Ray speak to me!” He shouted as he gathered the cold man up off the floor. Was it his imagination or had Ray just let out a breath of frozen air.

“Damn it Haircut, what is this? You been learning tricks from frosty, if so I am gonna kill her when we get home. No don’t you dare, stay awake Haircut!” Mick begged trying to get Ray wrapped in the blanket from the bed in a hope to warm him up.

It wasn’t doing any good as he once again lifted Ray into his arms swearing loudly as he felt the icy chill from Ray’s body and watched as his love drifted into unconsciousness. Mick was practically running down the halls as DEO employees jumped out the way in shock. He was shouting at the top of his voice as he entered the med bay making both Alex and Winn jump at his panicked arrival.

“Somethings wrong with Ray!” He barked at both of them as he lay the man on the med bay bed and a panicked Alex ran to his side to try and figure out what was going on.

“Ok Mick I need you to tell me what happened” Alex said in a calm and confident voice, every bit the professional as Mick felt himself falling apart.

“What does it look like, one moment Haircut is having a shower the next thing I know I’m pulling him out of a freezer” Mick said as he tuned from Ray’s frosty form took one look at a table of instruments and flipped the thing over.

“Hey, come on man I understand your freaking out but we got this ok” Winn said trying to sound reassuring but Mick was in no mood.

“You understand, you got this! That’s my boyfriends, my partner frigging turning blue which is a very new thing and you want me to just relax” Mick shouted at Winn and to Winn’s credit he didn’t back down.

Winn understood that Mick was lashing out and Mick both respected the man and hated him in that moment. He did the only thing that felt right and kicked a chair across the room roaring in anger.

“What the hell did your freaky secret base do to him, how does a shower turn to an ice box” Mick yelled and was about to punch a monitor when a firm hand gripped him.

Mick turned angry and scared eyes to meet the steely gaze of J’onn, it wasn’t the tight grip of the focused man that scared Mick, no it was that yet gain Ray was in unknown danger and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it.

“Mr Rory I assure you this wasn’t caused by something in the base, if you calm down I can give you answers. I know you’re scared…” J’onn said earning him a death glare.

“I am not scared!” Mick growled out as he pulled his hand free and looked back at Ray.

“Damn it, damn it all to hell! Why can’t I get this right? Why do I keep letting him down? I should have been there, I shouldn’t have left him alone” Mick said and he heard his voice crack with raw emotion.

Alex had called for thermal blankets and was wrapping Ray up, some of the colour had returned to his face. Alex looked up and met Mick’s eyes.

“Mick just breathe, look both Kal-El and Kara have ice breath as a power. It could simple be that something triggered this power in Ray, god knows he’s been through hell and having all those memories back could have caused him to panic and then he was too freaked out to control this new power” She said making sure she had Mick’s attention.  
Mick wanted to relax but it was still his fault, he should have been there.

“You can’t blame yourself. If you’d been with him there is a very good chance you’d have been frozen along with him and without Ray’s healing factor who knows what state you would end up in. Think how Ray would feel if he woke up knowing he’d nearly killed you” Alex explained and finally Mick relaxed.

“I hate this, every time we catch a break, we get a little normal another frigging brick wall comes along to stop us moving on. How many more of these powers are we supposed to expect. How am I supposed to keep him safe” Mick said now looking at Ray’s face and seeing the colour return.

“You can’t Mr Rory. I know you love him but you can’t always save the ones you love. You have to just stay strong and help them, be there to support them and believe in them” J’onn said a knowing tone spoken from a man who had experienced love and loss.

“He’s gonna be fine, his body is healing and his temperature is returning to normal” Alex said and Mick walked up to stroke Ray’s face. He barely noticed J’onn bring over a chair so he could sit with Ray.

“There is no guarantee that Ray will develop all the Kryptonian powers that Kal-El and Kara have, in fact I think some powers may be temporary from what I am beginning to understand of this neural net.” Winn began to explain as everyone bar Mick turned to him.

“Explain Agent Schott” J’onn asked.

“Ok so I have been looking at this net and even if we remove the chip this net is too interwoven with Ray’s brain and brain stem. It will be impossible to remove, rendered dormant yes but it will always be there. This means that some of the changes it kept in place have been there so long it is unlikely they can be reversed. The fact is, certain things are now set in stone. The facial reconstruction and change in eye colour are too much a part of Ray’s dna now to ever go back, Ray’s ability to absorb sunlight I would guess isn’t going to be as strong as Kara’s, but this will need testing and some of the synapsis’ needed to withstand the use of certain powers just never developed. I am running scans now but using ice breath has taken a huge energy tool on Ray. It is unlike this particular power will be easily maintained he just doesn’t have the wiring or ability to store the energy needed.” Winn explained.

“You’re saying that this particular power has a low chance of manifesting again, it’s more like a Hail Mary” Alex asked.

“Yeah, this is you Spirit bomb finisher” Winn said and then realised that this group of people probable never watched Dragon Ball Z, “It’s like a final move, takes time for it to come together, then uses a lot of power so is off the table until Ray can store enough energy. I think it’s safe to say we won’t see it again for a while if at all” Winn finished.

The team looked at Mick, who didn’t look too comforted by all this but had at least relaxed.

“So this ice power is a one in a million and you’re saying there is some stuff Haircut might not be able to do. What about his flight, don’t let me have to tell him he might lose that” Mick said in a small voice.

“No I think the super strength and flight are here to stay, they require more than just brain synapses and as long as he sees natural light those will be fine. The heat vision is pretty safe too though will take its own time to charge and may not be as frequent as Kara’s is. As for the X-ray vision I think the change in pupils seems to have affected that power, there is no sign that will develop and the super hearing looks like it tried to connect but Ray’s brain had to choose between heat vision and hearing and naturally healed in a way that allowed heat vision to be the winning power. But some of this is theoretical, we will need some time to test this out. For now Ray needs rest, I need to fill Kara in and we need to go over our plans.” Winn said sounding positive.

Mick grunted not sure how to take any of this, he really didn’t care about what powers Ray did and didn’t have, what he wanted to make sure was these powers didn’t cause Ray any more harm. He let out his own deep breath and looked at Alex.

“He’s gonna be alright?” Mick asked and she nodded, he closed his eyes taking Ray’s hand and squeezing it.

“Haircut your gonna be the death of me you know. So stop giving me heart attacks” Mick finished and looked at Winn.

“This chip needs out that I know, but we have to find a way to stop Haircut from being triggered by memories” he said.

Winn nodded, he knew that Ray’s memories were causing these wild side effects but didn’t want to admit he knew the man’s trauma’s it didn’t feel right.

“Yeah, we have to try and get Ray to either block out or deal with his past but that isn’t something that happens over night or can be particularly healthy” Winn admitted.

“This ultimately is Ray’s choice but if he wants the memories blocked again that is something I can do for him” J’onn said in a monitored tone.

Mick looked at the head of the DEO and scowled. What happened next wasn’t something he was expecting as the man before him seemed to phase, to change and soon stood before him a very green and alien looking man.

“I am a Green Martian and one of our abilities is telepathy. If Ray wishes it I can go into his mind, find the doors to his traumatic past and close them but this is only a last resort, manipulating a person’s mind is not something I enjoy doing” J’onn finished looking at Mick determinately, willing the man to understand the gravitas of what he was offering.

“I have no idea what most of you have said to me in the last 10 minutes but I know one thing, it’s not my choice that matters here, it Haircuts. Once this idiot wakes up you guys explain all this insanity to him and then whatever he wants I’ll stand by those choices” Mick said before going back to looking at Ray’s unconscious form.

“We understand Mick, we’ll give you guys some space. Let us know is you need anything” Alex said in a caring voice as she led her team mates out of the room.  
Mick was glad for the stillness, for the even breaths coming from Ray.

“You better be ok you giant nerd, I am not sure how much longer I can keep this together. You scared the shit out of me today and I know it isn’t fair but I need you to tell me it’s ok. You here that!” Mick said voice low but levelled. He was answered with a light squeezed to his hand.

Ray didn’t open his eyes, he wasn’t back to full colour or consciousness but even in this state he was trying to comfort Mick, let him know he was ok.

“Ok Haircut, I’ll take it so rest up. I will berate you some more when your awake” Mick said leaning back into the chair and trying to get himself comfortable so he could catch some sleep alongside his lover.


	36. Chapter 34

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 34

Ray woke to find his hand in Micks while he was slumped asleep in a chair and they both appeared to be in the medical bay of the DEO. He let out a sigh and stared at the ceiling as disappointment settled in. What had he done now, who had he hurt and how was he going to apologise to Mick for worrying him yet again. Ray just felt the guilt wash over him, he hadn’t even made it a whole day on this is earth without messing up, without letting something get to him and him jeopardizing the people trying to help him. He felt the dull ache in his eyes as frustration at himself and his inability to keep himself together began to build.

“Stop feeling guilty Haircut” Mick said and Ray felt his hand being squeezed but he refused to look at Mick who was now stirring and kept his eyes on the ceiling. Ray didn’t feel like he deserved Mick’s reassurance.

“Now you’re just being an idiot, no one got hurt. The only person who was in any danger was yourself, you scared the crap out of me Ray” Mick said allowing genuine concern in to his voice.

At the use of his name rather than his nick name Ray realised that whatever had happened had been serious and Mick was truly worried about him. Ray couldn’t deny Mick the comfort he sought, he clearly needed reassurance that Ray was ok.

“I’m sorry Mick, I don’t know what happened but I am so sorry to make you worry” Ray began but was quickly cut off.

“Don’t need a damn apology Haircut, though glad your back to being your usual stupid self” Mick said a little gruffer than he probably meant so added.

“I found you half frozen to death and no idea how or why, team alien said something about temp powers and dodgy wiring in your head but I don’t care about any of that. I let you down, I wasn’t there to stop it happening in the first place” Mick said and Ray cold hear the guilt in his voice.

Weren’t they a pair both feeling guilty, both blaming themselves for worrying the other, not being strong enough or good enough to keep the other from fear and concern. 

“Mick you weren’t to know, you can’t stop everything from happening or be there all the time. I need to start processing what’s happened to me” Ray said as he sat up and turned to look at Mick.

Ray put a hand on Mick’s check and gave a small smile hoping to relieve the other man of his guilt. This was his stupid issues, why did Mick have to keep getting hurt too. As Mick used his other hand to cover Rays and look at him he said,

“Haircut, I’m not just your boyfriend cause I think your hot, I want to be a better man for you and that means sharing this stuff. I know I don’t talk about me a lot but I’m trying” Mick sighed closed his eyes and then stilled himself.

“I heard something fall in the bathroom, you were covered in frost, the air was cold and things were freezing over. I thought you were going into hypothermic shock, I tried to keep you awake, and you were so cold to touch. For a brief moment I remembered Len and the cold gun and that made the feeling worse. Once here they were able to stop whatever was going on. Skirt has ice breath so figured you might too but I don’t know, something about the chip and things in your head having power connections means it not a regular power. I was scared, scared of losing you, not being able to help you and not understanding any of this crap. But I’m gonna keep trying ok Haircut. Big green may be able to help you but that’s something you need to discuss just stop feeling guilty and I promise to keep letting you know how I feel so we can work through it” Mick said and he looked a little surprised by just how many words had come out.

Ray’s smile became a little warmer, a little more genuine as he felt the love and affection from Mick wash over him. Mick was in this with him, yeah he was going to get scared and concerned but he wasn’t gonna run from those feelings. It was Rays turn to take a breath and still himself as he took his hands back from Mick putting them both in his lap. What he was going to talk about freaked him out and he held onto the sheet of the bed.

“When I was in the shower I was fine for a bit but then the realisation of being in a small metal confined room hit me. I think I’m claustrophobic now and not dealing with it well. I was fine when you were in the room but once alone those grey steel walls started closing in.” Ray said and Mick nodded saying he’d gathered that and that he shouldn’t have ever left him alone in the shower.

“Yeah but I had also just needed a little bit of processing space but we both acknowledge it’s a problem now so we can work on it together. The issue is where the fear comes from” Ray said given a little shake and trying to stay focused.

“When I was a child I remembered hiding in the shower, I thought that if I was in there longer I wouldn’t have to go be experimented on. You saw my old bedroom, it was a steel prison room essentially. I also have a memory of a maze and actual steel walls closing in on me. I hate the sensations and the connotation of steel rooms. I feel small and powerless and go back to being a child. Its better when your there but don’t want to use you as a crutch. My parents did some horrific things to me and I hate the things I can now remember but most of all I hate how they make me feel, like a powerless child with no way to fight back.” Ray finished and he felt the tears come for real. 

Ray felt the shift of the bed as Mick came to sit on it, he felt strong arms wrap around him and hold him tight making his world feel safe. He let himself be held as if he was a small boy in need of comfort but in truth this was all he wanted from the world right now.

“One day Haircut I am going to kill those people” There was a slight dangerous tone in Micks voice, the man clearly angry but it wasn’t at Ray, it was at his parents for hurting him and Mick wasn’t going to abide that.

“Mick were supposed to be heroes remember” Ray said in a croaked voice.

“I don’t think there is a person we know that will try and stop me, they made the mistake of hurting the man I love so they better be damn prepared for a day when I make sure they regret laying a hand on you” Mick said determinedly pulling Ray closer to him.

Ray’s heart skipped another beat at the declaration of love and new that with Mick beside him he was going to bounce back from this. It wasn’t going to be easy but Mick loved him and he wanted to be able to return the feeling as soon as possible. Ray stilled wiping the tears from his face as Mick relaxed his hold on him a bit.

“Um Mick, who or what is big green?” Ray asked.

“Ah yeah more weird alien shit but the big boss is from Mars and apparently a mind reader” Mick said as if that was a normal thing to say and Ray supposed for time travellers it wasn’t the weirdest piece of news.

“Ok and um what’s wrong with my brain and why do I have temp powers?” Ray asked.

“Haircut, do you really think I understood half of that conversation. I’ll called the nerd squad in and they can fill in the gaps ok” Mick said but there was lightness to his voice.  
Ray watched as Mick went to the door of the med bay and shouted at the first DEO employee he saw that they needed to see the ‘Alien squad and their nerds’. Ray supposed that after the affection and display of raw feeling and emotion Mick had to at least act tough and scary with those that didn’t know him. The poor lab tech look scared like he was about to get a punch in the face because he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Mick looked pleased with himself still being able to intimidate people and came back to sit on Ray’s bed with an approving smirk on his face.

“Did you need to make that sound like a threat rather than a request?” Ray asked smirking knowing full well that Mick was gonna always be Mick.

“Absolutely” Mick replied as he nudge Ray so that they were sitting side by side on the bed so that Mick could throw an arm over Ray’s shoulders.

The bed wasn’t made for two grown men so Mick had one leg sticking out to the side resting on his abandoned chair. Ray was practically in Micks lap but he recognised it for what it was, Mick was being super protective as if his body could physically shield Ray from anything including words that Mick didn’t like. There was no way Mick was letting the team here do or say anything that might upset Ray and he wanted them to know it.

Kara was the first into the room looking positive and cheerful obviously wanting to reassure Ray and keep the mood light and friendly. Alex, Winn and J’onn followed all trying to look relaxed but they all knew something serious was about to be discussed. Alex looked at them with a fondness of someone who would probably be doing the same thing if it was her girlfriend in med bay, Winn looked a little jealous but intent on doing the best to help them and J’onn looked at Mick with a ‘really, you don’t have to alpha dog here’ and a slightly amused smirk of someone who with age came wisdom.

“Morning guys, I know yesterday wasn’t how any of us wanted it to go. Ray I’m sorry that a new power came out like that but I am glad you’re ok and well look bagels” Kara piped up holding out the bag and smiling.

Ray felt Mick reluctantly let go of him and slide off the bed to retrieve breakfast, he was suddenly aware of how hungry he was. Mick brought the bag over allowing Ray to pull out a bagel before settling in the chair and giving Ray some space to eat. Ray could see Mick eyeing the team, a glare ready to strike if they said anything that may upset Ray. Ray was just happy to eat and thanked Kara before devouring his bagel.

“Ray I know things are tough and I’ve been filled in on what happened but I think it’s time we made some firm choices on next steps” Kara said and each member of her team looked a little solemn as they took a seat around the room. Winn and Alex were getting up scans and data and Ray knew he was going to find out some truths.

The two DEO agents took turns explaining what they had discovered, they talked about the neural net and that while it was rendered completely inert there was no way of removing it as it was too intertwined with Rays brain. This also led onto the news that some of the damage, if it could be called that, was permanent. The pathways, connections and synapsis needed for some of his powers to be fully used just never developed and most likely wouldn’t. Certain powers would never manifest and a few could only be pulled off occasionally because he didn’t have the right make up to store the required power. There was as strong possibility that all the years of the chip blocking his ability to absorb sun light meant that his body’s ability to store the energy was compromised.

If Ray was without sunlight for long periods of time he would see a dip in his strength and abilities. Getting the chip out for good could correct this a little but he would never be able to absorb the same amount of light as Kara. Ray was trying to listen with a scientific mind and not let this news affect him. But at the same time it did hurt a little to know that some of your potential had been stripped away for good. Winn explained that they could test to see the rate of absorption so he would have a good idea of how often he’d need to recharge in sunlight and then offered to see if they could put a solar absorption device into the Atom suit. Ray perked up at this eye’s meeting the other scientists.

“That’s brilliant Winn, like solar panels for the atom suit, backup power if I myself am running low” Ray said beaming.

Ray didn’t notice the way Winn blushed and Mick would have given him a death glare if he hadn’t just suggested something that made Ray happy and given him something positive to work on.

“Ray the next choices are yours to make, we can remove the chip first or we can deal with your memories first” Kara said voice tender but also carrying the weight of the choice.

“How exactly can you help with the memories? Does this have something to do with you being a telepath from Mars?” Ray asked now turning to J’onn.

The leader of the DEO smiled and then phased into his true form causing Ray’s eye’s to widen.

“I am indeed a Martian, a Green Martian and we do have advanced telepathic powers. I will say that it is not in my nature to mess with people minds, altering a mind is considered a violation but if you think it will help, I can indeed go into your mind and block the memories. I know it’s a lot to take in so don’t feel like you have to answer right away” J’onn explained.

Ray just looked at him, could it be that simple just block out the bad memories, no longer have to be afraid of grey walls or that urge to cut himself to see if he still felt pain. Was that too neat a solution, would he still be him without those memories or would he be able to go back to who he really was?

"I don't know what the right answer is” Ray said honestly.

“Ray Palmer you have been through things no one can imagine, I don’t take your pain and you past lightly. I would not offer this unless I thought that it seems an unfair cruelty to have to live with what you have been through but I also know your experiences make you who you are. It is up to you to decide whether there is strength or weakness in your past and if you can move beyond those memories” J’onn said with conviction but also understanding. 

Ray didn’t know, he honestly didn’t know, at first he would have jumped at the chance to block all his childhood out but now it felt like cheating. It felt like a test, he wanted to prove he was better than his parents, stronger and to do that he had to overcome this the right way. He looked at Mick, Mick had overcome horrors from his childhood. Mick had mental and physical scars that plagued him to this day but he was still able to grow past them, still able to love Ray, become a Legend and a hero, shouldn’t Ray strive for the same thing.

“Haircut this is your choice, no matter what you decide I stand by it. If I had the chance to forget some of my trauma I’d probably take it truth be told” Mick said.

“Yeah but then you wouldn’t be you. You wouldn’t have made the same choices in life, maybe never have been Heatwave, joined the Legends and we wouldn’t have met” Ray said looking at Mick with pleading eyes.

“Yeah well, I don’t get a choice in what I remember as a kid it’s done and I am already the man I’m supposed to be so I suppose I have to be thankful those choices led me to you. But Haircut you were already the man you were supposed to be when your memory came back.” Mick said meeting Ray’s confused gaze.

“Ray the truth is while your childhood trauma haunts you things are likely to go wrong. I hate to say it but without that trauma last night wouldn’t have happened. If you can save yourself that kind of pain isn’t that worth it” Alex said earning herself a glare from Mick but also a nod of gratitude that she had given Ray the thing he wanted to say to him but couldn’t cause it would sound selfish coming from him.

“I know that, this is just confusing. If I didn’t have flashbacks to my childhood I wouldn’t be a danger to anyone. I could learn to control my powers and not freak out at the colour green or grey walls but also would I always feel like I cheated, like instead of being brave and facing my problems I just hid them away, sealed them up. That’s not something one does if they want to grow as a person” Ray said looking at the group his face a picture of confliction.

“As J’onn said you don’t have to decide right now, take some time. Kl-El will be here in a day or two maybe talk to him, go to the fortress of solitude find some solace in your heritage Ray” Kara said looking at him earnestly concern etched on her face as she could see the pain on his.

“I want that more than anything and I have a feeling things will get worse before they get better especially since I think we should take the chip out first” Ray said looking determined.

“Are you sure?” Alex and Winn asked, “With the chip gone there is a good chance all your memories will come back” Alex continued.

“Yeah I am sure, if I am going to seal the bad ones away I want to know for sure what I am losing and if I don’t, I want to know if I am strong enough to move past them. Plus if everything comes back I also have all my time with the Legends and everything me and Mick have shared. I want everything before I make a choice about losing some of it.” Ray said looking determined.

“Haircut you sure, I’ve seen things that I am not sure I’ll ever move past. I burnt down you flipping house because of what I saw there. Getting some memories back of us isn’t worth all he horror that can come with it” Mick said worry in his voice.

“Getting us back is worth anything else that comes with it. I’ stronger when you’re around and I’m sick of being on the edge. I’m tired of thinking I may love you or am nearly happy. If I’m gonna deal with my childhood then I want my present secure, I want my future with you” Ray finished forgetting a little that there was an audience for this conversation.

A little cough came from Kara who was looking at them like some romance novel and Mick just glared and turned to stare at anything but team Team Supergirl. Winn was looking a little love struck, like he’d heard the most beautiful thing and Alex looked resolved.

“Ok Ray, we will take the chip out first. You’re not going to like some of what we have to do but I respect your choice. Take some time while I prep and myself and Winn will fill you in so your clued in on everything that needs to be done” Alex said her professional demeanour taking control but also giving Ray a sense resolve.

Ray watched as Alex and Winn got to work, bringing in scans and making sure they were connected to monitors. They obviously wanted to be super ready for what was to come making sure they had everything at hand. Kara approached Ray a smile on her lips but also a look of concern.

“Ray I’m not really sure what to say to keep you reassured but please trust us, I promise you, I promise both of you that nothing is going to happen to you” Kara reassured making sure she addressed Mick too. She then set her face into a determined look.

“Ok what they are going to do is shut off all the light from this room and expose you to light from a red sun. This is something that doesn’t trigger our powers and therefore leaves us vulnerable. The thought of using kryptonite did cross our minds but after everything you’ve been through it just seemed too cruel, this way is slower but I think less traumatic.” Kara explained.

“Thanks Kara and I appreciate it, not sure how I’d react to seeing kryptonite but if there isn’t a choice and you need to weaken me you have my permission to use it” Ray said looking earnestly at her.

“We’ll keep that in mind but we think we have a way to make sure your body and mind are at rest while this all goes on so if that bridge comes up you won’t be aware kryptonite is near you. Obviously I can’t be around for the surgery but the minute we can expose you to sunlight again I’ll be here. As for what were gonna use to keep you calm, well we are going to use an extract of a parasitic plant called Black Mercy” Kara started to explain but was aware that Mick had tensed up.

“Say that again Skirt, cause it sounds a lot like you got some alien parasite and you want to use it on Haircut here” his tone measured but disproving.

“I promise Mick it’s not a threat, Alex managed to synthesis some of its affects so that if they ever needed to do surgery on me it could act as a pain killer and relaxant. It’s been tested there is nothing to worry about I promise” Kara reassured but Mick wasn’t relaxing at all about this piece of information.

“What exactly will it do?” he growled a little looking at her with suspicion.

“Once you take it Ray it will induce a dream like coma, essentially it will put you in a dream like state based around a perfect memory or fantasy. While this goes on it should weaken you a bit but the lack on direct yellow sun will do the rest of the work so that your body can be operated on.” Kara said looking between the two men.

“Sounds pleasant, so while you cut the chip out I’ll essentially be having a very nice dream. What’s not to love about that idea?” Ray said smiling his optimism and hope shining through.

“Yeah because I trust an alien plant to give you only good dreams. Not sure I’m down with this Haircut. Your track record for good dreams when unconscious isn’t great plus it sound like you’re getting plant LSD and that must have side effects” Mick continued concern in his gruff voice.

“This is the best way, the only other way is to expose Ray to kryptonite until the point he’s passes out keeping him in a drained and weaken state with no idea what his unconscious mind will do. Sorry Ray but I can’t risk that, for your sake and my people here” Kara said.

“I understand Kara and don’t worry I am good with this plan. Mick I know how much you care but being overprotective now isn’t gonna get us anywhere so please let me do this” Ray said puppy dog eyes looking at Mick imploringly.

“Not my place to tell you what you can and can’t do, I said I’d stand by your choice but not gonna stop worrying about you” Mick said looking huffy but accepting that this was the better option.

“Kara when it’s done will I just wake up?” Ray asked.

“Yep the effects of the drug should where off and you will wake up naturally” Kara replied.

Ray hadn’t noticed that the rooms lighting had changed it was darker and all natural light had been shut off and the artificial light of the room glowed.

“Ok Ray were gonna switch to red light now and were gonna need you to lie on your stomach ok” Alex said in a professional tone. “Just before though take this, it won’t start affecting you till your body is lower on power but it shouldn’t be long ok” Alex smiled at him as he took the strange black tablet from her and swallowed it. 

Ray turned over, he heard Kara saying her good bye and talking to Winn and Alex as they reassured her he was in good hands. He heard Mick shifting uncomfortable not knowing where he should be, clearly refusing to even entertain the idea of leaving Ray’s side but not wanting to be in the way. He recognised Winn’s voice as the man came over and explained that the head rest of the bed was being changed and soon Ray was lying face down looking through the hole on his bed. Winn reassured him some more and in a nervous tone asked Mick to wash up and put on scrubs. Ray smiled as Mick grumbled but did as he was told imagining the look he must be giving. Winn must have also given Mick a job to do cause when he came back over he took Rays hands and started to wipe them with a disinfectant wipe.

“Team nerd wanted to make sure there are no bacteria and thought you’d be more comfortable with me cleaning you up” Mick said a little disgruntled but Ray knew it was mostly for show.

“Not exactly how I pictured a rub down from you” Ray said putting some humour into his voice.

“Hah! I promise when this is all over we can do this again the right way, far less clothes and no audience” Mick said close to Ray’s ear and he blushed glad no one could see his scarlet face.

“They say I can stay and watch the surgery just got to hang back not get in the way unless they need me. Big Green said that I should talk to you while your unconscious will help you stay in a good dream and when it’s time to come back you can just follow the sound of my voice. All mystic mumbo jumbo to me but what do I know about weird alien stuff like this” Mick said but his voice was warm.

“I think you’ll find a lot of truth in my words Mr Rory and Mr Palmer rest well, I too must take my leave and will see you once you have awoken” J’onn said before Ray heard him retreat from the room. 

Ray was starting to feel a little more relaxed, aware that a sheet was being put up and a table with instruments was wheeled over to him. He was very glad he didn’t have to see the instruments, Alex and Winn had planned this in a way that there were very few triggers to be witnessed. He allowed his eyes to close and patted on the bed feeling relief when a warm calloused hand found his. This was it, the chip was finally going to be removed, and he was finally going to get everything back. When Ray next woke he would be a new man.


	37. Chapter 35

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 35

Ray woke to beams of sunlight escaping through gaps between the drawn curtains and cascading over his bed. It was still pretty early but he was an early riser these days, now that he tended to go to bed at a reasonable time. In fact he tended to go to bed in a bed, rather than slumped over his work bench at Palmer Tech but that habit had been broken early since getting married. His partner had spent one too many times coming into his place of work and pretty much dragging him out of there, one time he picked Ray up and threw him over his shoulder carrying him out. Ray was very lucky it had been late and the only witness was the giggling Felicity who he suspects had something to do with Mick finding out his husband was again lost in a project and hadn’t eaten, slept or showered in a while, since he himself had been away on a job.

Mick had said something about not marrying a man that smelt like a hobo and that it was far too early for Ray to let himself go. Ray had been embarrassed at first and then slightly turned on by being man handled back to their apartment. Ray turned in the bed to look at the sleeping form of Mick who look more relaxed then he did in most of his waking hours, with the exception of when it was just the two of them. Ray gave Mick a peck on the cheek and got out of the bed pulling on a pair of joggers and going in search of coffee. He padded out of the room and caught site of himself in the bedroom mirror a clear love bite on his neck bone and one on his neck. Well he supposed that was Micks little revenge for having to go and get him to leave work the other night. Mick was fully aware Ray had a business meeting later that day and so planted a fresh mark for him to have to try and hide. Luckily Felicity has become a master at hiding these and had made up a little make up kit to match his complexion just for such occasions.

Ray was smiling to himself as he walked across the living area towards the kitchen noting a blue print on the coffee table. He made a mental note to put it back into his study as he tried to keep work at work and personal projects from spilling out of his study. Mick didn’t mind so much as his own bits and pieces tended to expand over the apartment but Ray felt it was more respectful that his tinkering had a place that wasn’t all over the place. Mick’s possessions were trinkets from travelling, though Ray still had to make sure he could tell the difference between a beer bottle from Malaysia and just a regular beer bottle from home. He was trying to convince Mick that his ‘beers of the world’ collection would look better on a wall display rather than their current home taking over a table by the sofa and displacing a large pot plant they got as a wedding gift. The plant had seen better days, especially since it shared its pot with three empty beer bottles and neither Ray nor Mick were plant people, both too busy to remember to water it mostly but they agreed the pot wasn’t bad. 

The other area of their apartment that was a little more disorganised was where all the gym equipment lay as both men liked to work out and stay in physical shape. Mick had in the early days pegged Ray for a bit of a gym bunny and certainly more into machines than “really” working out so Ray had felt very smug when he brought Mick home and showed off him salmon ladder. Mick was still unable to do more than about two runs and preferred his weights but was damn impressed when he watched Ray complete the run. In fact Mick rarely grew tired of watching him and it pretty much ended the same way as that first time, with a very turned on Mick pretty much pouncing Ray. They hadn’t even been official dating at the time, Mick had just been around a lot because he and his partner Len’s company was doing work for Palmer Tech. Yeah they had been flirting and teasing, Len had certainly called “get a room” a few times. But somehow Mick trying to make out he was tougher and manlier compare to Ray’s sunny and gentle nature made Ray want to impress on the guy that he had other sides. Ray had just wanted to impress the man, and well the salmon ladder had done the trick.

Ray and Mick had started seeing each other more after that, but had not slept together again as both were a little uncertain. Ray was busy running Palmer Tech and as the date of presenting his latest piece of technology grew close he’d pretty much fallen off the radar. Mick had admitted after that he hadn’t quite believed what had happened and amused a rich pretty boy like Ray had just used him for sex, slumming it for a laugh and then got on with his life. It was Leonard that had called Mick out on his bullshit, that Raymond Palmer was a puppy dog and not likely to treat someone that way. Ray had clearly been into Mick and if Mick wanted the stupid nerd he’d better go a fight for him. Ray had been horrified to think Mick would ever think he’d treat him such a way and very glad for Leonard who said in his best man’s speech how much he had to play counsellor to Mick so he’d move past his insecurities and just go get his nerdy, over caring and sunny prize.

Len and Mick ran a specialised security company, word was they were once criminals but reformed after meeting The Flash, who’d made them go straight. Whether this was true or not didn’t matter, they were damn good at what they did. You wanted to test out your security, whether it be a bank or a home system or a prison you called in these guys, along with Leonard’s sister Lisa they were a great team. They even did government contracts and Mick admitted once that they had been put undercover into a prison to try and see if it was breakout proof. So far they’d foiled every system going but the improvements done post testing were very impressive.

Ray had had to admit that the tech and research in Palmer Tech was starting to get more attention and it wouldn’t be long before some opportunist broke in and stole something that in the wrong hands would be disastrous. Felicity had said this team came highly recommended by a close friend for testing security and soon, The Rogues, as they were known had entered Ray’s life to try and get his security up to scratch. Len had been horrified by what Ray thought was adequate security but said they’d be able to get his research protected in no time. It was Lisa that brought up that this job may take longer, due to the combination of trying to secure physical data and digital data as well as pieces of technology. Felicity had pointed out that digital data was covered, that there wasn’t many people that would get round her firewalls but Lisa had insisted that they stay around to make double sure on everything. Looking back the siblings had just made an excuse to keep Mick and Ray in each other’s sights, giving them enough time for one of them to make a move.

Yet still the two men had danced around their mutual bickering to flirting routine that Felicity had joined the Snarts in their attempt to set them up. Ray realised just how naïve he was back then and Mick admitted just how much he had tried to resist his feeling for fear it would get him hurt. It all came to a head when Ray was finally presenting his latest tech wonder and wanted to make sure security for it was at its highest. This piece of miniaturising tech could revolutionise the world and Ray didn’t want it stolen. Things seem to go well until the actual demonstration when everything went to hell. As there was going to be an after party to celebrate this new innovation Ray had invited Mick, Len and Lisa as guests as a reward for all their work and making his new tech now protected.

But what no one counted on was that when someone did decide to make their move it wasn’t Ray’s technology they went after it was Ray himself. Ray hadn’t really thought about making sure he wasn’t a target, it was then that Mick had understood the man’s insecurities. Ray Palmer was more worried about his technology than his own life, He wasn’t what was important, he wasn’t what the world needed but his tech was. Mick had said that he couldn’t believe someone as clever as Ray had such little love for himself. So in the middle of the party when security went to protect the tech Ray was left wide open for an easy kidnapping. Mick had felt his stomach drop and gave chase and getting himself taken along with Ray.

Ray had apologised about getting Mick into this but he was hearing none of it and instead tried to comfort Ray. Ray had been scared, he was feeling guilty and he was unsure why someone would want to kidnap him. Mick had growled and said that if he wanted someone to make him weapons, bombs or technology to rival Meta powers he’d be damn sure to kidnap the smartest man in the country to force him to do his bidding. Ray had looked happy for a moment at the smart compliment but then his face fell as he said he’d never want his tech to be used like that. They had finally arrived at whatever secret base the kidnappers were using and confronted with one Damian Darhk who did indeed need Ray’s intellect. The rest was a blur to Ray all he remembered was the desire to protect Mick. Damian had said he wasn’t needed and to shot him and without thinking Ray had leapt in front of the shocked man and taking the bullet.

Ray hadn’t really thought about what he’d done, all he could hear was Mick calling his name, holding him tight and calling him an idiot. Then there was the sound of gunfire and commotion, Ray was convinced that he felt something very cold shot past him as well as a kidnapper turn to gold. He vaguely made out the appearance of Team Arrow, now with hindsight it made sense since Felicity works for him and moonlights with Oliver but at the time he hadn’t known. Then Len passed something to Mick, he heard Mick roar and shot out a blast of fire before he was falling unconscious.

When Ray came to it was to the very worried face of Felicity who then said that if Ray didn’t ask Mick out she was going to hack the hospital and change all his medical data to say he had a deadly disease and would need to be quarantine. Before she left she whispered that Mick hadn’t left his side since he’d got out of surgery. Once out the room a very nervous Mick walked in and then shouted at him “what were you thinking?” Ray thought it was pretty obvious that he was saving his life but Mick couldn’t believe it until Ray finally said “if you had died who am I going to take to dinner once I get out of here?”. Mick had stopped stock still and just stared at Ray a pink blush on his cheeks as Ray just beamed at him. Mick just huffed and dropped into a chair before replying, “Fine but just because you owe me for nearly giving me a heart attack”.

From this point they had started to officially date, Mick was around Palmer Tech a lot more as he wanted to make sure Ray had personal security. Mick said he’d go back to his job once he’d chosen a body guard for Ray after Ray pointed out that he didn’t want his boyfriend being his bodyguard because when it came to it he would do the same again and jump in front of a bullet for Mick. Len and Lisa had teased Mick mercilessly but finally Mick realised he was over protective so got Ray a security team and returned to normal working life. Much to both of their surprise but glee, they made it work. They moved in together, fell in love, Mick made sure he gave death glares to anyone that was too friendly with Ray at parties, until Len pointed out that “If he wants it, better put a ring on it”. And so Mick did and now they were a year into married life and the world seemed right. 

Ray had finished making his coffee and was walking back towards the sofa when Mick strolled out of their bedroom. Mick, Ray discovered wasn’t one for wearing clothes in his home environment but he wasn’t complaining at the sight of a very naked Mick walking up to him. Ray could tell the man was half asleep still and told him to go get coffee. Mick grunted that he needed a shower first pecked Ray on the lips and slapped him on the butt before heading towards the bathroom. Ray settled on the sofa clapped his hands and the curtains opened to bathe him in morning light. For a moment it was as if he was seeing the view for the first time and he placed his coffee down and went to stand by the large windows looking out at the city. It was so clear and bright in the world he felt he could look at the expanse of sky for hours.

He heard Mick walk back into the room but didn’t turn around. He felt strong arms around his waist and warm breath on his neck.

“What you thinking about in that clever brain of yours Haircut” Mick said placing a small kiss over the place where last night’s love bite was.

“Nothing, just seeing how beautiful it is, how vast the sky is and how brilliant the sun’s rays are” Ray replied.

“Hum, you taking up poetry?” Mick said voice low.

“No just sometimes I think I forget to appreciate how good my life is, our life is” Ray replied turning in Micks arms and capturing his lips in a kiss.

It was a deep kiss as their mouths moved together and they held onto each other as if they were never going to let go. When Ray pulled away he recognised the look of lust in Micks eyes that never failed to turn him on. That was when the voice announced they were receiving a call. Mick had that look of ignore it but Ray knew he had to be on call in case anything changed before his conference call. Put it on speaker he said as he pulled out of Micks disappointed embrace and gave him a look to say sorry. The call contacted and the voice said into the apartment

“Dr Palmer it’s time to wake up!”  
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

It had been some of the longest hours of his life, Mick felt as he sat there going between trying to be of use and then just trying to stay out of the way. Surgery had been a gruelling process of making sure every move taken wasn’t going to jeopardize Ray and this meant nearly 8 hours of precision and running scans and tests. It had taken maybe an hour for Ray to be in a state that they could operate on, then all the frigging prep like shaving the area where the chip was beneath and setting up the tools. Mick was to nervous to be bored but he had hated just staring at the back of Rays head, his boyfriend in some deep sleep thinking about god knows what. Then despite knowing what was about to happen, despite knowing it was all for Ray’s benefit and at his request Micks stomach dropped at the first incision by Alex. 

Seeing Ray bleed, seeing his flesh be cut open and skull exposed made Mick feel distressed. It’s not like he hadn’t seen Ray injured, the team had all had some nasty wounds over the years each giving their blood to the cause but being up close and watching a totally defenceless Ray be cut open made Mick want to reach out and stop Alex. Maybe it was something about knowing what Ray had been through as a child and knowing how close this situation was to all those traumatic childhood ones. Mick just couldn’t face the idea that the same thing was happening to Ray all over again, that he was being peeled apart and he wasn’t in control of what was happening to him.

Mick had to keep reminding himself that this was by Ray’s request that this was going to help his lover and being done not by torturing monsters but by allies, friends even and Mick had to relax.

“Mick you have to let out that breathe otherwise your gonna be holding it for a long time. I know this is hard to see especially after looking at Ray’s data drive but I promise I’ll be careful and gentle” Alex said looking at Mick earnestly.

He gave a snort as if he didn’t know what she was talking about but let out the breathe he hadn’t realised he was holding and was secretly grateful that she understood his distress. He had to keep himself measured when the bone saw came towards Rays head to remove a section of skull so that the chip was exposed. Winn had been going between suctioning off the blood, checking monitors and scanning to make sure the chip was as dormant as they all thought. Mick took a step forward right into the nerds personal space and held out his hand when Winn went to pick up new gauze to keep the now exposed area of the brain clean. Mick knew he was glowering at Winn and the man was looking a little scared but then understood that Mick needed to be useful; needed to do something that helped his boyfriend rather than just staring and freaking himself out. This also meant it freed Winn to concentrate on scans.

It was a long process, the chip wasn’t just damaged but Ray’s attempt to get it out himself had fractured it and some of it was in little shards. It was also imbedded deep with tiny tendrils of the neural net creeping into Ray’s brain. It made Mick sick thinking about the connotations and of the monsters that had done this to Ray. Alex worked tirelessly to pick each shard, broken piece and exposed neural net out of Ray. Winn was running further diagnosis on the tendrils trying to see if there was a way to get them to disengage. There was a long painful pause in the surgery while Alex and Winn tested netting that had been removed desperate for way to find a weakness, to find a way for it to be removed.

Mick sat close to Ray now and was trying to think of something to say, something to ground Ray in case he could hear Mick in his deep sleep. Mick was never much of a talker but he had words for his boyfriend just not ones he’d want to have overheard. So Mick went with defaults like calling Ray an idiot for making him worried and that he owed Mick a drink after all this. Soon Mick had one hand squeezing lightly onto Ray’s shoulder and the other covering his face.

“Just wake up ok Haircut whatever weird shit that comes along we’ll cope with it. Just wake up ok. Let’s go get drunk, I don’t know let go watch a musical, let’s do some damn couples shit. Hell I’ll even let you take me to buy a new shirt at this rate if it means you’re not lying face down in a hospital bed. Tell me again why it’s so damn important to read the Harry Potter books when I can just watch the stupid movies. Let’s go find the dirtiest burgers this city has to offer. Just wake up Ray” Mick said not caring if he sounded emotional.

He arouse from his thoughts by a small cough and Alex looking at him apologetically.

“We tired but we really don’t have a plan of action for the neural net. It could take day’s maybe weeks to find out a way to remove it. We’d have to operate again in the future once we know more” Alex explained looking like she’d let him down.

“No! No more surgery, damn net isn’t doing more damage just let the man be, just let Haircut get on with his life” Mick said maybe a little too aggressively so added “Don’t worry, S’not your fault, you did what you could but the main goal was achieved removing the damn chip and maybe Haircut has a chance to move on from this now” he ended with but didn’t make eye contact as he felt Alex smile warmly at him.

Alex then went about closing up the site of surgery, putting the pieces of Ray back together again and giving the chip fragments to Winn. Mick assumed he was going to study them further and understood that they were probably remarkable tech but he also made a mental note to find the destroyed chip and burn it to dust once and for all. Mick then helped to clean Ray up not wanting his boyfriend to wake up and see blood on himself or around. Mick just didn’t want to risk whatever harmful memory may come with seeing sheets covered in his own blood. Alex must have understood this and together they worked to change the bedding sheets, get Ray a new gown to sleep in and make it look like no surgery had go on.

Alex dressed Ray’s head though explained once natural light was returned the area would heal, it was more for vanity sake since there was now a patch of hair missing. Mick appreciated it as his lover hadn’t earned the name Haircut for nothing and the man was rather proud of his well-groomed hair plus Mick was rather fond of it too. There was a good chance it would also grow back quickly once natural light was back on but at least initially Ray wouldn’t have to stare at a bald patch on the back on his head and any memories that might trigger.

Finally exhausted and drained Alex said she was going to reverse the effects of the Black Mercy and for Mick to a breath, ignoring what she was up to and concentrating on Rays face now that they had settled him on his back so he could wake up more comfortable. Mick watched those perfect features, the handsome face relaxed in sleep and waited for those big brown eyes to look at him. But nothing was happening, Ray slept on and Alex was looking a little more frantic.

“What is happening?” Mick said warningly and measured.

“I don’t know, this should work we ran all the tests. Ray should be waking up!” Alex said her voice a little panicky.

“Are you trying to tell me that after all this you’ve got my partner stuck in a weird dream coma? That weird alien plant isn’t doing as it was supposed to” Mick said raising his face to glare at her.

“I’m sorry Mick, I’ll figure this out just give me a little more time” Alex replied as she went over to look at the drug she’d created and see what had gone wrong.

Mick was feeling the anger rise and didn’t know where to channel it until he saw Winn looking nervous. But before he could say something sharp and cutting Winn spoke up.

“When Kara wouldn’t wake up we all called to her, talked to her trying to get her to remember where she belonged, to fight the effects and come home to us. Just you know maybe Ray needs that little more incentive, hear your voice and what’s waiting for him” Winn trailed off sheepishly.

Mick glared at the man until he turned and went to hep Alex and Mick looked at his sleeping lover.

“Come on Haircut, what did I say earlier? You need to wake up, don’t make me say something mushy you already know how I feel. Yeah life is hard at the moment and god knows what fantasy you’re being shown right now. Hell if it’s better than what’s gone down here then I’m not surprised you don’t want to leave. But you can’t leave me here ok, I won’t cope well if you don’t come back and face this shitty reality that does nothing but test us and throw shit at us. Yeah it’s not perfect, it’s damn hard but that’s where you come alive, showing us all how to live with hardship and still smile. So wake up and let’s face this together. Or we could just blow this place, steal a car go for a joyride, rob a bank, go to Aruba, drink cocktails and have sex on a beach” Mick said trying to keep his voice from cracking. 

Alex came back over with another syringe and thankfully acted like she hadn’t heard a word that Mick had said. She administered something and looked at Ray saying, “Dr Palmer it’s time to wake up!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I added one of my AU's to this, a fic within a fic. There was so many ideas for Ray's dream world but this one seemed simple and loving and so far from everything Ray has been going through in this fic!


	38. Chapter 36

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 36

Ray creased his brow trying to work out what he’d just heard and he turned to Mick to ask, “Um did the phone just tell me to wake up?”

Mick was looking at him like nothing out of the ordinary had happened like hadn’t heard what he’d heard and didn’t care less about the weird comment on waking up.

“Ignore it Haircut, come on I can think of much better things we could be doing this morning” Mick replied and stepped towards the confused man pulling Ray into his embrace.

Ray felt Micks strong arms wrap around him and Micks lips found that marked spot on his neck again. It felt so good as he stretched his neck to give Mick better access and placed his own hands on his husband’s naked hips. Ray wanted nothing more than to get swept up into Micks embrace as he felt himself being steered towards the sofa, Micks greedy hands already tugging at his sweat pants. But Ray had a strange feeling something wasn’t right, he was forgetting something, the conference call he had to be somewhere!

“Mick wait stop, I’m going to be late” Ray pleading a bit pulling back from his love.

Mick just quirked an eyebrow and lay back on the sofa gloriously naked and aroused, intent clear and eye’s filled with lust.

“You sure? I am means it’s not the first time you’ll be late for a meeting because you couldn’t resist all this.” Mick said gesturing to his naked self and looking smug.

“Mick this is serious” Ray said before letting out a squeak as Mick used one of his feet to hook Ray between his legs and pull him forward. 

Ray composed himself trying to keep his balance so he wouldn’t topple onto the very appealing form of a hungry and aroused Mick. No this wasn’t right he had to be somewhere, what else was he forgetting. He knew the conference call was important but was it really worth saying no to morning sofa sex, after all sex when they didn’t even make it to the bedroom was always a little wilder. Ray swallowed as he felt his resolve melting but there was still that nagging feeling like he was supposed to be somewhere else. He closed his eyes trying to clear his head and that’s when he swore he heard Mick say “Wake up.”

Ray blinked in confusing and looked down at his husband.

“Did you just tell me to wake up?” Ray asked but Mick just looked at him lustfully.

“You sound like you’ve been overworking Haircut, come on I know a guaranteed way to relax you.” Mick said suggestively parting his legs in invitation for Ray to crawl between them.

But Ray was still stuck on being told to wake up and couldn’t quite get himself to take the very tempting offer in front of him. 

“I am sure I just heard you say to wake up” Ray repeated.

“Haircut the only time I said something like that in a situation like this was when we were in Aruba. You’d overworked yourself needed a holiday, I was planning on ravishing you on the beach but you slept most of the first day and I was so damn horny and ended up waking you up. Worked out for both of us.” Mick said a twinkle of recollection and arousal in his eyes.

Ray smiled at the memory and then suddenly realised that he didn’t really recall that happening. He’d not been to Aruba with Mick, they’d talked about it but not gone. He was pretty sure he could remember Mick saying they should go, drink cocktails and have sex on a beach but then he was sure he’d heard Mick say they should rob a bank and that was certainly not something Mick would offer. Ray took a step back, something was very wrong as he looked at his husband. When had they gotten married again he couldn’t quite recall. 

“Maybe I am over tired, I think I need to go lie down my head hurts” Ray said suddenly aware of a dull sensation in his brain.

“It’s ok Haircut I got you, open your eyes” Mick said and Ray could feel the ghost of calloused fingers on his cheek.

When he looked at Mick though he was still looking at him with lust and Ray looked at him, really looked at him. Something clicked, something he only just noticed. Where were Micks scars?, his strong arms should be covered in scars of being burnt, those scars were part of who made Mick, Mick. His boyfriend wore them with pride but also worried that they would turn Ray off but Ray never found them ugly, they were a part of Mick and he would never shudder from him. Much like Mick wouldn’t shudder from all the mental scars he held. The red light of the dawning sky was turning into a yellow glow and he knew he had to wake up. He had to find his Mick, his life and face the reality that was waiting for him.

He took one last look at the fantasy before him before turning and walking towards the door of his apartment. Taking the handle he turned it and stepped out into the real world.  
Ray’s eyes fluttered open, he felt groggy and not quite with it, he mourned a little for the dream he’d left behind knowing that reality was going to be harder than ever to face. But it didn’t all come crashing down on him as the first thing he saw was the concerned face of Mick Rory.

“Damn it Haircut, that’s it if I find you unconscious again then, damn I don’t know what but stop it ok. Just…” Mick trailed off as Ray placed a hand on his cheek and smiled.

“Hey” Ray said simply but it was full of warmth, “So apparently we are going on a crime spree and then off to Aruba”.  
Mick huffed and then smirked.

“Don’t think because you look damn cute and pleased with yourself that I’m forgiving you for giving me another emotional breakdown. You’re an idiot and I don’t know why I put up with it” Mick grumbled but trying to hide his happiness that Ray seemed ok.

“Because you love me” Ray replied and Mick went red.

“Shut up Haircut” Mick grunted.

“You going to make me?” Ray replied a flirtatious glint in his eye before he tugged Mick down towards him.

Mick didn’t really need telling twice and closed the gap between them. The kiss was deep and loving, Ray trying to express how glad he was to wake up and see Mick there that Mick seemed to be keeping the demons at bay and that apart from a dull ache in his head Ray didn’t feel like going on a rampage. A cough broke them apart and it was then that Ray realised that he wasn’t alone with his boyfriend and turned a brilliant shade of purple.

Alex was smiling at them happily but clearly a little embarrassed by the show of affection as if she had intruded on a personal moment. Winn looked bright red and was trying his hardest to look at the screens around him clearly rather uncomfortable with the display he’d witnessed and not knowing what to do with himself.

“Sorry to ruin the moment but Ray I need to ask some questions and run a few scans. How are you feeling?” Alex asked coming to stand beside him a tinge of pink still on her cheeks.

Ray sat up scooting over a little so Mick could sit on the hospital bed and throw a protective arm over his boyfriend. Ray tried to compose his thoughts a little groggy still from waking up and a little flushed himself from his and Mick’s kiss. He noticed that all the medical tools were out of sight and that he was in clean sheets and attire as he looked between Mick and Alex.

“Mick didn’t want you waking up to see your own blood and we didn’t think seeing the medical tools would be a good idea” Alex explained and Ray levelled a smile at the both of them taking Micks hand and squeezing it.

“Thanks, yeah good call not sure how’d I react”. He noticed his voice was a little off, his throat dry as Winn came over and passed him a cup of water.

“Here, small sips and take it easy ok” Winn said in a friendly voice now a bit more composed. Ray thanked the man and sipped at the water noting a little hint of sadness in Winn’s expression. He then noted the nod of thanks from Mick and Winn seemed to resolve himself to something before steeping back towards his consoles.

“I feel fine, a dull ache in my head but it’s starting to lessen already, I’m groggy but that too is passing. I can already feel my strength returning.” Ray said and then started to get up from the bed.

“Haircut you sure that’s a good idea?” Mick asked concern knotting his brow.

“Yeah I feel good just want to move about” Ray said but feeling something underlining was at play. “Um could I get a change of clothes?” Ray asked and Winn nodded before disappearing out the room.

Ray stood up with Alex watching him suspiciously and Mick was practically glued to his side and Ray knew he had to admit what was playing on his mind.

“Still not sure I’m comfortable in med bays. Truthfully just need to make sure I am free to leave. That I can walk away on my own terms and I am not forced to stay and be tested.” Ray explained.

“That’s understandable Ray, I can only imagine what you might be feeling but I assure you I won’t do anything without your permission. If you want to go have some space away for a bit I can scan you when you’re ready. Everything on your terms by your choice ok” Alex replied and Ray smiled with appreciation.

Maybe having his memories back wasn’t going to be so hard when surrounded by so many caring and understanding people. He could do this, everything was going to fine.

“It’s ok Alex, think I’ll be fine for a scan now I’m feeling pretty confident” Ray said.

Alex got the scanner and started to do her thing Ray watching the monitors with interest as he felt Mick shift beside him. Mick, how the man had changed and it was because of Ray. Ray always knew he was a better more feeling person than he let on but who knew it was because of him that Mick was able to change. Mick was able to grow because he loved him and Ray was pretty sure he wasn’t falling apart right now because he loved the man back. Ray felt the warmth inside him, knew the feeling well and was pretty sure Mick was going to shout at him when he admitted that being in love with him was chasing away his fears. He felt like their relationship was finally back on track. Yep Mick was going to have some choice words about Rays, Love saves the day theory.

Alex finished her scan just as Winn came in with some clothes and they both excused themselves to give Ray privacy to dress. He pulled off the hospital type gown and realised he was in nothing but his boxers standing in front of Mick. Suddenly he blushed and started to feel a little embarrassed. He remembered that Mick had seen him naked, they’d done a lot more than get dressed in front of each other but it seemed so new again.

“Haircut stop panicking, I’ve seen you naked and while I very much appreciate the view I’m not gonna jump you” Mick said with a smirk that reassured Ray.

Logic started to come back into play, Ray knew well that while Mick may be looking at him a little hungrily he wouldn’t do anything to cause Ray stress, especially since he’d just had surgery. Ray started to get dressed a little slower, putting on a little more of a show as he pulled on new trousers. He could feel Mick watch him and he remembered the thrill of the first time they been together.

“Then again if you keep that up Haircut it’s no longer my fault what happens” Mick said voice a little husky as Ray deliberately bent down to put shoes on.

“Sorry Mick, did you see something you liked?” Ray purred a little enjoying the knowledge that they could flirt, that they played this game, that their bodies knew and craved each other and that they were on the same page.

“Really Haircut and people think I’m incorrigible if they only knew what a tease you could be” Mick groaned doing everything to behave himself until Ray was fully dressed.

Ray turned to look at his boyfriend smiling before saying, “Mick I only just remembered it myself” though it came out a little sadder than he wanted.

Mick closed the distance between them and again they were kissing, deep and tender all the words of love and understanding pressed between them. Mick slid a hand into Ray’s hair and one on his waist as Ray placed both his arms around Micks neck loving that he could do this, that he remembered them doing this. For the second time that day they were reminded that they weren’t in a very private spot as they broke apart to the sound of a greeting mixed with a squeak.

Both men turned to see Kara in the door looking all kinds of pink and shifting on the spot.

“Um maybe I’ll come back, yep uh glad to see you up Ray. Um keep up the good work. No that’s not it, just um call me when your done, not that I think you’re going to do anything” She was stuttering badly and Ray decided to take pity on her.

“Sorry Kara. I’m fine feeling pretty positive just got a little carried away. Feels so freeing to remember Mick, to really remember everything.” Ray said steeping out of Micks embrace and smiling at Kara.

“I’m not gonna apologise, I was just horny Skirt” Mick said but Ray knew he was riling Kara up on purpose. It was one of those little traits Mick had that where so him, if he felt embarrassed especially about things like feelings in front of others, he was more comfortable turning the feeling on others, much better to make someone else feel embarrassed than admit he’d go caught doing or saying something that show he cared. Ray now remembered it was one of the things he found so very cute about Mick and he banked it to tease his lover later.

“I really am glad you doing well Ray. Alex and Winn say the surgery went well. No chip and the neural net is dormant.” Kara continued.

“Yeah, I have all the powers from before, I feel them in here. I mourn that I won’t have the same abilities as you but honestly can’t mourn too hard for things I never knew I had. I feel my childhood memoirs scratching to be noticed but at the moment they feel so distant that I’m not focused on them. I have newer more recent memories to focus on” Ray replied and Kara blushed again.

“Yeah I can see that” She said with a smirk between Ray and Mick.

“Ok might need to try and keep that a bit more in check. I think maybe were acting a little teenager in heat” Ray said turning to Mick who looked non plus.

“Don’t bother me, who cares who sees us” Mick replied looking more relaxed than Ray had remembered seeing him in a long time.

“Well since you guys are doing well we have pizza on the go if you want to join, and yes there is beer” Kara said looking at Mick before leading them to the rest of the team.  
It was only after they left the room that Ray realised how hungry he was and that it looked like it was evening time as he and Mick joined Kara, Alex, Winn and J’onn for food.

“Um do I still have my powers at night?” Ray asked the group and it was Winn that answered.

“Yep, for one thing you will have absorbed enough during the day and technically it’s not like the sun totally disappears its light and radiation is reflected off the moon” Winn explained.

“Cool and if I’m off world or like in the temporal zone as long as I have back up reserves I’ll have my powers” Ray continued as he grabbed a beer passed it to Mick before getting his own.

“Correct again, Doctor Palmer. I mean Ray” Winn said excitedly. “I’ve already had some thoughts on how to incorporate this into your atom suit so when you’re up to it I’ll show you” he continued.

“Brilliant, I haven’t worked on my suit in what feels like forever. I can’t wait to make adjustments for my new strength and flight capabilities. I can’t wait to see how this works with shrinking. Will I have the same amount of strength or will it be proportional to my size or like an ant, will I say be able to lift Mick even if I’m shrunk” Ray added excitedly.

“Like hell I’m gonna let you carry me about like that” Mick grunted as he placed pizza in front of Ray gesturing that the man needed to actually eat something.

“Oh that’s a good question, we should run some tests” Winn added but didn’t notice the slight shiver Ray had.

“Tests huh, of course I will need some more but maybe we can run then after we test out the suit a bit more, get it ready for use as the new and improved me” Ray said.

“Your still the same you, you talk too much about your suit and forget you need to eat” Mick grumbled but he was watching Ray trying to see any little cracks that showed he wasn’t as ok as he let on.

“Sorry Mick I didn’t mean anything by it, just want the suit to work with the new powers and truthfully it gives me something else to focus on that isn’t so close to the bone” Ray explained and watched Micks face as understanding crept in.

Ray then picked up the pizza and started to eat, he was making Mick worry already and he had to try and stay positive and focused. He wanted this feeling of joy and contentment to continue and not let this feeling deep inside that was scratching at him to crawl out. Ray could do this, he was ready and focused.

“Well the suit is all set up and ready for you when you are” Winn said who was clearly lost in his own excitement of science nerding to notice Mick level a glare at him. Alex shook her head giving her friend a look of “try not to get yourself punched” understanding that Winn’s excited offer to work on the suit had Micks jealous side showing. 

“Doctor Palmer, how are you yourself feeling? Are you feeling settled, I know that throwing oneself into work can be a great distraction but don’t let it distract from anything you may want to address. Don’t be afraid to take time for yourself to process, the people that love you aren’t going to run from what you are feeling” J’onn said in a measured tone.  
Ray felt the scratching again and for a moment wondering if J’onn’s powers could hear it to or if he could sense Ray felt something still trying to crawl back into focus.

“I really am fine. The past is there and maybe I need to look at it but I want to look at the future and these older memories just aren’t as strong as the ones that keep me focused now. I am going to be fine and I can’t wait to train these powers a bit, fix my suit, meet Kal-El and learn more about myself. I think that will really pull everything together. I’ll be whole and then...” Ray explained before turning to look at Mick excitedly, “then I think we need a holiday, there’s something important I need to tell you but I want to do it right” Ray finished smiling at his boyfriend a little pink creeping into his cheeks.

As if reading the implication Mick too felt heat in his face and downed the rest of his beer.

“We’ll I’m glad it’s working out Ray, so very glad. You seem to have it together and dealing really well, you should be very proud. So my next bit of good news is that Kal-El is on route and he can’t wait to show you the fortress of solitude. You’re gonna get on great, you have a lot in common. I can’t wait it’s gonna be like a family reunion.” Kara said happily and Ray felt her warmth as she beamed at him.

“Haircut’s got a family” Mick grumbled a little defensively looking at the empty beer bottle in his hand.

“Oh no Mick I didn’t think, I know you and the Legends are a family, I’m not trying to take that away” Kara said a little panic in her voice.

“Family don’t have to be blood both me and Haircut know that well” Mick added a little anger in his voice as he lifted his eyes to look at Kara, defiance there as if he was challenging her. It was as if he wanted to make sure that no one forgot that blood family were the reason Ray got hurt in the first place and just because he has a doppelganger here doesn’t make up for what “family” did to Ray. 

“Mick” Ray said in a soft voice reaching for his boyfriends hands. “The Legends are my family, your my family nothing is gonna change that or take me away from you”. Ray said tender and understanding.

Mick put the bottle down and allowed his hands to be taken squeezing them back making sure Ray knew he wasn’t angry with him just not as sunny about the whole thing as Team Super were.

“Haircut, no matter what this world offers you, we have a home to return to, just don’t forget that” Mick said in a low voice just for Ray.

It then dawned on Ray that Mick was still insecure about their relationship, still worried someone would steal him away and Mick would be left alone and hurting but this time without Ray to help him put the pieces back. Mick was worried Ray would stay, that Kara and Kal-El could offer him a real blood family that understood him better that Mick did.

“Mick after everything you still think I’d choose anyone over you, sometimes Mick Rory you’re an idiot” Ray said and Mick’s eyes snapped up to meet Ray’s.

Mick had missed that look, warm brown eye’s looking at him like he was the world.

“Ok I suddenly really feel the need to call Maggie, sorry guys excuse me for a moment” Alex said getting up from the table.

“Yeah I think the biggest difference between you and my cousin is that you Ray are definitely a bigger romantic, he could learn a thing or two from you” Kara added as Mick and Ray returned their attention to the group.

“Exactly what do I need to learn cousin” Came a voice that wasn’t recognisable to Ray.

Ray saw Kara break out into a giant grin, J’onn rose from his seat smiling as Alex turned to head back towards the group and a blush crept over Winn’s face. Ray looked at the figure who had entered the room, he took in the smiling and approachable face, the confidant stance and the distinct red and blue of a super suit complete with cape. Ray didn’t know what to say as he finally realised he was facing his doppelganger. 

“Great another hero that looks like the fourth of July, who makes these costumes” an unimpressed Mick said beside him as Ray got out from his seat and was offered a hand to shake.

“Hi, I’m Kal-El, Kara has told me a lot about you”


	39. Chapter 37

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 37

Ray was a little lost for words, he knew this meeting was coming and he had been excited for it and yet suddenly he felt nervous and unsure. He wasn’t one to display negative emotions and prided himself on being positive so was grinning when he took his doppelgangers hand to shake it. He was met with an equally dazzling smile and a firm grip by the man in front of him.

“Hi I’m Ray, um I suppose I’m you but from my Earth kinda. Nice to meet you, um!” Ray said but he wasn’t sure why he was stuttering and why he suddenly felt uncomfortable.  
Hadn’t he be waiting for this moment, wasn’t he happy that he would get some answers.

“You can call me Clark, if that makes things more comfortable for you” Clark said and Ray noticed how accommodating the man was, how he could sense discomfort and was trying to make sure Ray felt valid and accepted, It was a very Ray like thing to do which only reminded Ray more of the fact that they were supposed to be the same person. Ray took his hand back and smiled trying to centre himself and looked Clark in his eyes to reply. He saw those big blue eyes twinkle with kindness and friendship, offering support and understanding. They were a brilliant bright blue and that’s when memories of himself looking in the mirror and seeing blue eyes stare back at him came. Worse than that he remembered being on the operating table eye’s clamped open and knew that was one of the last times he had blue eyes himself.

Ray stiffened and took a step back before blurting out an “I’m sorry” and turning and running from the room. He didn’t hear or at least blocked out the calls of concern from the room all he could think of was the loss of his eyes. He once had beautiful bright blue eyes but they’d been plucked from his very skull on more than one occasion and then finally something the Palmers did meant that one day when he looked in the mirror brown eyes looked back at him. It wasn’t just his eyes though it was painfully obvious just how much his so called parents had messed with him because there was little resemblance between him and Clark.

Ray felt tears sting in his eyes and then the familiar burn that meant optic blasts of crimson wanted to spring free. He was worried for a moment not wanting to shoot the beams from his eyes and destroy any part of the DEO when he bitterly thought that they weren’t his eyes anyway. Maybe he could bounce the beams back from a mirror and burns out the fake dull eyes he now had. He shook with a sudden sense of self-loathing and the horrific memories of seeing a needle come to puncture his eye and not being able to close them. He didn’t know what to do as the memory of the self-hate at seeing his reflection looking at him with his new eyes for the first time played over and over. He remembered how much he hated his eyes and just wanted to stop thinking about it. He wanted the mental torture to stop, anything was preferable to this, and he’d rather be in physical pain.  
He then realized he was in the space set up to work on his suit and decided that he needed to occupy his mind, needed to tinker and be distracted. He needed his mind focused on something else as he picked up tools and tried to think about what to work on. He looked at his helmet, one of the first things he wanted to do was reconfigure the visor to let the crimson beams of his optic blast to pass through it or it to be able to snap back to allow the beam to be fired. He picked up said visor and immediately saw his reflection, he saw his plain, dull brown eyes devoid of that crystal sparkle staring back at him and he felt anger and disappointment rise. He threw the helmet and wished he could cause more pain or damage. He wished he had something to direct his anger and to give the pain he felt inside a manifestation he could physically deal with. That’s when he almost subconsciously picked up a screw driver sitting on the work bench. He knew he had the strength all he had to do was stab down hard, even if the screwdriver buckled the force of his hand would cause him damage and he would welcome any kind of pain. He raised the item intending to strike when he was jolted back to reason by a familiar voice.

“Haircut! What the hell are you doing?” Mick said voice angry but also desperate and pained.

“Harming yourself is never the answer, don’t you dare make me watch you hurt yourself, don’t you dare” Mick continued and Ray turned to look at his shocked and worried boyfriend feeling his eyes sting as tears burnt in the corners of his vision.

“I hate them Mick, I remember how much I hate them” Ray said his voice small.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Mick barked as anger and concern mixed before he took a breath and tried to real in the shock of once again seeing Ray trying to hurt himself.

“Haircut, just listen to me, causing yourself physical pain to cope with emotional pain is never fruitful, I know and you promised you wouldn’t do this to yourself” Mick said his voice growing softer with understanding, “Just talk to me Ray”.

“Mick it was his eyes, my eyes! I remember when mine shone with brilliant blue, when they sparked with hope and joy before they were replaced, taken from me and I was left with dull brown eyes. Clark's eyes are so blue and piercing and I just couldn’t bear to look at them and realize how much I hated my own” Ray said his voice raw with emotion and pain.

“That’s stupid, so what if the big blue Boy Scout has twinkly blue eyes. Doesn’t make him special” Mick said but he could see Ray was still being haunted by past memories and grieving a part of himself forever lost.

Mick stepped forward looking at Ray trying to keep eye contact and noticing Ray flinch away and stare at the floor.

“Ray I know you’ve been reminded of something you’ve lost, but look at me ok. I can safely say that one of the things I love the most about you are your eyes. So even if you hate them I for one don’t” Mick said being as open and honest as he could, this was one of those times when Ray needed more than anything to know just how he felt about him.

Ray looked up at the use of his name and while still not fully making eye contact started to reconnect with Mick. He was dumb founded and Micks words, not just because of such a heartfelt and openly honest moment but because he couldn’t quite believe what he heard. He looked Mick in the eyes and searched for the truth wanted to believe his boyfriend but full of self-loathing and doubt. Mick took the chance to step forward into Ray’s personal space and gentle placed both hands on either side of Rays face. Ray felt Mick’s thumb brush away the tears from the corner of his eyes and held his gaze. Mick’s hands framed his face holding him so they could look at each other but not tightly so if Ray wanted to break their gazes he could.

“Ray Palmer, you are forever the idiot but no one has ever looked at me with the warmth and kindness that you do. When I thought you were lost all I wanted was to see those big brown eyes full of wonder and tenderness look at me. I would trade almost anything to make sure I could see you staring back at me just as you are and don’t let anything ever make you think you’re not perfect as you are.” Mick said and Ray stared to relax.

The panic and self-loathing started to dissipate as he let Mick’s words sink in, maybe he couldn’t hate his eyes so much not if Mick loved them. Mick found warmth in them, wanted to see them and didn’t hate them, maybe his eyes weren’t as dull as he thought. Mick as if suddenly releasing just how tender and loving he’d been had started to blush. Ray smirked at the dusting of red on his boyfriends checks and smiled knowing that this look, this focused loving gaze was reserved just for Mick.

“Damn it Haircut, why do you have to bring out the damn sap in me” Mick said starting to shift a little with embarrassment.

“For the record Blue boy isn’t half as hot as you are, he’s got nothing on you” Mick said trying to sound flirtier.

Ray smirked again before replying, “Mick tell me again how much you love my eyes” smirking in that teasing way.

“Don’t start getting smart with me, your infuriating” Mick said but then he ran out of words and decided that actions speak louder anyway as he pulled Ray into a kiss.

The kiss was deep and hungry as mouths slide against each other and Mick pushed up close to his lover crowding him and making sure Ray felt totally wanted. Ray soon felt himself pushed up against the work bench and allowed Mick to lift him onto it. Ray kissed back just as hard wanting Mick to know that his words had snapped him out of a weak moment. He was pulling Mick to him, legs wrapped tightly around Mick’s waist and one arm clasping a shoulder the other holding the edge of the bench. Mick kissed hungrily as a hand gripped Ray waist the other on the back of his lovers head, fingers caressing the hair as mouths worked to create pleasure. Only when both men needed to stop for air did they pull apart. Ray looked disheveled and his eyes sparkled with lust.

“This Haircut is also a look I appreciate” Mick said with a growl making sure to roll his hips against Ray’s to point out how the kiss was making his body react.

“Mick” Ray said his voice a little breathy,” As much as I want to continue this, I think maybe we should return to the others, their gonna wonder why I ran off” he continued.

“Let em wonder, I can think of far better things for us to be doing” Mick said leaning over Ray and looking at him with heated passion.

Ray let out a little moan of want and desire torn between letting Mick ravish him here on the workbench and the guilt of just running off after meeting Clark.

“Haircut, this is no fun if you start feeling guilty” Mick said reading his boyfriend and the conflict inside, “Come on let’s try and keep it in our pants until after we try this alien meet and greet again” Mick continued and straightened himself up reluctantly and helping Ray down from the bench.

“Sorry Mick, it’s not that I don’t want to…” Ray started.

“Less talking Haircut, I get it, sex can wait, you finding your truth from the blue Boy Scout is gonna help get your head back in a good space. Not gonna let my libido get in the way of your mental health” Mick said as he looked Ray up and down.

“Though it might help to make it look a little less like I was ravishing you on a bench” Mick added smirking at Ray

Ray closed his eyes and started counting hoping that the red of his face would calm and his racing libido would still. Once he felt less likely to jump Mick and say screw it sex was better than making peace with his doppelganger and the emotions that forced him to confront, he pated his hair to look more acceptable. Both men looked at each other and gave a silent nod as they walked back to main floor of the DEO and try this meeting again.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Mick had known in an instant that something was not right about Ray upon finally meeting this Earth’s version of him. Ray had ran from the room and immediately both Kara and Clark being the good and caring people they were had offered to go after him. Mick had let out a loud snort and glared both of them down.

“Sorry Skirt but no offense this one is my job” Mick said to make sure Kara knew he appreciated her offer but this was definitely a boyfriend duty.

“Mick I’m sorry I didn’t mean to frighten Ray or make him feel uncomfortable, I am more than happy to come with you, talk to him and reassure that I mean no offense” Clark had said and Mick had glared at him.

“Look Blue boy, I know your Skirt’s cousin and well Haircut dopple whats it but I don’t know you. For one thing I got no reason to trust you but more importantly you don’t know Haircut. I’m sure your every bit the Boy Scout he is but you don’t know what he’s running from.” Mick said wanting to go after his boyfriend before Ray did something stupid cause he’s freaking out.

“I didn’t mean to step on toes, I just want to help. Ray is kinda like a long lost brother and I want to help him.” Clark said offering friendship and Mick could tell that he and Ray would get on fine, both were big hearted idiots that hated to offend.

“Damn you two are alike. Look there is gonna be plenty of time for the family reunion crap but right now I’m gonna go be the good boyfriend and make sure Haircut is ok. Just gives us some space ok.” Mick finished before leaving the room.

Mick was fully ready for Ray to be freaking out, he may not know what had triggered Ray fleeing the room but he knew it was up to him to make sure he was there for Ray. He had heard something crash across the room and was glad instinct told him that when Ray needed to distract himself working on his suit was the go to option. It had taken all his effort to not completely lose his temper at the sight of Ray trying to harm himself, the thing he hated most of all was the thought that Ray was in the kind of pain that meant he wanted to physically damage himself.

Mick knew a thing or two about self-loathing and the desire to harm one’s self and he hated that Ray now knew this kind of pain. What he hated just as much was that Ray’s trigger had been seeing blue eyes and thinking his own weren’t as beautiful. Mick knew for a fact that Ray had the kind of eyes he’d never expected to hold the kind of affection they did for him. Ray’s eyes were everything to Mick, one of the first things he’d loved about the man. Ray’s eyes had saved him, the look, the understanding, friendship, honesty and kindness they held was the most beautiful Mick had seen. Mick wanted Ray to know this and so he’d gushed his poetic feelings out. It had been embarrassing but Mick had to make sure Ray knew how important it was for Mick to see Ray look at him the way he did.

Mick also wanted to make sure Ray knew hands down he was by far the better looking compared to his doppelganger. Now maybe he was biased but to him Ray had the better physique, was more handsome and definitely sexier. He would have made sure Ray felt totally wanted and lusted over right then and there if he also didn’t know his boyfriend well enough to see when the guilt crept in. Ray of course would start to feel bad for running out and Mick had to put a stop to the very enjoyable make out session.

Now he was side by side with his lover as they walked back into the main room of the DEO to face team alien. Of course everyone looked happy and understanding, all ready to totally accept Ray and make him feel reassured. So Mick felt that jolt of pride when Ray stepped a little closer to him, his side pressed up against his own. It was a little gesture but Mick knew that despite these kind and generous people that all had Ray’s best interest a heart Ray took comfort from Mick’s presence. Mick put his hand on the small of Ray’s back, a silent message that he was there and would support him. He felt Ray relax and compose himself before speaking.

“I’m sorry guys, I’m sorry Clark. I thought I was ready or prepared, I was just reminded of everything that was taken from me, and everything the Palmers took from me. I needed time to compose, to adjust. I’m still not sure if I am but the shock of those memories and feelings is wearing off” Ray said and Mick traced circle on his boyfriends back with his thumb.

“Ray it’s absolutely fine. We’ll take this at your pace ok. I can’t begin to imagine what you must be thinking but as I told your um partner I’m not here to make you feel uncomfortable” Clark said voice warm and friendly.

“Of course not, goodness I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable and I’m sorry if I made you think that. It’s not you, I appreciate you being here I really do” Ray replied.

“Please there’s nothing to apologise for and I am so glad to be here for you” Clark said.

Before Ray could reply to that Mick cut in sensing this was gonna be a very circular conversation

“Ok, nope, both of you enough apologising and placating. Haircut there’s nothing to feel guilty about and blue stop being so farm boy nice. Both of you are good, no ones to blame, were all friends and the only uncomfortable person is me in a sea of goody toe shoes that what to kill me with pleasantries and politeness!” Mick said hoping this would stop all the polite conversation.

“Actually I was raised on a farm” Clark said smiling at Mick as if to say ‘wow how observant of you’ and it made Mick growl in frustration.

“Ok farm boy that’s nice” Mick said before adding, “I think this is where I get a beer” and looking hopefully at Alex.

“Yeah I can get some brought up, shall we all take a seat and maybe start again” Alex replied before getting a uniform to go on a beer run.

Mick waited for Ray to sit before pulling a chair next to his and sitting down, he wanted to be supportive but at the same time he could feel not only the protective streak come in but the possessive side. He knew very well that Clark was going to be able to give Ray answers and closure but he didn’t want the man stealing too much of Rays focus. Mick wished he wasn’t so jealous but he couldn’t help it, he’d been fighting for Ray for so long, scared of him being stolen away and that he himself wasn’t good enough for Ray. Mick knew Clark wasn’t going to steal Ray in that sense not like Lex had tried to do but was worried he could offer his lover the kind of emotional support and therapy he just didn’t know how. 

Mick’s self-doubt quickly crumpled when he felt a hand on his thigh and looked at Ray who was smiling at him knowingly.

“Just like you know when I’m hurting I can tell when you’re doubting” Ray said in a low voice just for Mick. “Just because Clark has something I need doesn’t mean I’m gonna lose my focus from you, believe me Mick I am looking forward to giving you all the attention you need but just not yet” Ray finished with a smirk and a squeeze to Micks thigh.

Mick said a silent prayer to give him strength as he felt the seductive tone in Ray’s voice slide down to the pit of his stomach and lower. His prayer slightly answered by the arrival of a cold beer as he laced his fingers with Ray’s hand and hoped Clark and Ray wouldn’t have another polite off and maybe this was the first step towards true peace for Ray and the closure he wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I went awol, I hae a huge work load for some Conventions I was working then got hit by all the ills!!!


	40. Chapter 38

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 38

Ray wasn’t exactly sure what time it was or when he started to notice that the people around him had called it a night. Alex had said she was tired and that she’d leave them to catch up and dragged a reluctant but clearly exhausted Winn with her so he could go and recharge. J’onn had excused himself and said that if they needed him he’d be about but he too was feeling fatigue. Soon it was just Clark, Kara, Ray and Mick left and Ray hadn’t begrudged Mick for dozing off at the table. Mick was being the supportive boyfriend but he wasn’t exactly the type to sit and listen to stories about growing up on a farm and the wholesome adventures of young Clark. Ray thought loved hearing these stories, when Clark first started showing signs of his powers, how he’d had to learn to control his strength and the surprise the first time he shot out crimson beans.

Also Ray felt warm and happy for Clark as he talked of the Kent’s and how they found and raise him, it wasn’t in Ray’s nature to be jealous so when Clark asked if Ray was ok, that he wasn’t feeling hurt by these stories Ray had smiled.

“Ray I’m sorry, my childhood I hope it doesn’t upset you, I’d understand if there was some resentment and it doesn’t seem fair that I got the Kent’s when you got the Palmers.

Sorry, is this awkward, do you want me to stop?” Clark said earnestly.

“No no its fine, just cause I had a very different childhood doesn’t mean I begrudge you yours. If anything I am happy for you, it makes me glad that on other worlds versions of me didn’t have to suffer like I did. It gives me hope that there are other me’s with loving well-adjusted childhoods and that is a great comfort” Ray said smiling and with sincerity.

He really did take comfort in the knowledge that others wouldn’t have had to suffer like him, plus it was super cute hearing about Martha Kent making Clark'ss original uniform. Though Mick had scoffed at this saying it was far too damn wholesome and that next Clark would be sharing his mother’s cookie recipes. When it looked like the man was indeed about to do just that Mick had put his feet up and lent back in his chair signifying that he was checking out of the rest of the conversation. Ray had squeezed his thigh earning him a smirk from Mick to say that while he wasn’t really up for more, tales of farm boy Clark he was there when Ray needed him to be. So Ray really was ok with the fact that his boyfriend had eventually dozed off.

Conversation had been so natural with Clark and Kara and they felt like the family he’s always wanted, kind, understanding, the same polite and caring nature but also loyal and the ability to look on the bright side. Ray felt no trauma from them or from these stories instead it all helped strengthen his resolve to be a good person and live an honest life. The demons of his past were there but he choose his own path and he wanted to be the kind of person that did his pseudo relatives from another world proud. But there was one thing that was haunting him and it wasn’t childhood, it was something he knew haunted Clark and a topic he didn’t want Mick over hearing too much to. Now that Mick was asleep it was time for Ray to breach the topic of Clarks friendship turned sour with one Lex Luthor.

“Clark I hope you don’t mind me asking but Lex was a friend of yours too before things went bad, do you ever think there was a chance he wouldn’t turn into the man he became or that he could still be saved from himself” Ray asked but started to feel guilty for bringing it up when he saw the sad look pass over Clark'ss eyes.

“Ray don’t ever worry about asking me such things, we are very much alike and sometimes we need hope so that we can weather such things as losing a friend to his own hubris. This is what happened with Lex and despite everything, the man was my friend and I still hold out hope that maybe he can be reformed.” Clark explained.

“I however will still see him as the villain, what he’s done, what he put you through and how he treated the world is not something I think he can be redeemed for but I don’t totally blame him after meeting his mother who is also a cruel and manipulative person” Kara added.

“Thanks” Ray said to both of them appreciating that there are always more than one side to a story. “It’s just if he hadn’t have met me then he wouldn’t have turned out the way he did. I still hope some space between us would help him reassess. He didn’t take me choosing Mick over him well but maybe he can move on from jealousy” Ray concluded but he still was unsure.

“I have similar feelings about Lex, if it wasn’t for his obsession with Superman his desire to prove he was better, he wouldn’t have been driven so mad. I wonder so many times if that it was not for me and his abject hate for what Superman represents would he have become such a villain. Though I think our Lex’s are a little different so there is no saying yours might not succumb to his anger” Clark said and Ray knew he was trying to offer him some hope. 

“I hope so, my Lex was a good man who wanted to save the world and do great things for the betterment of mankind. He saved my life and tried to help me but somehow along the way it got twisted and he got possessive and obsessed. I’m still not sure if he had genuine feelings for me or if that was just another manipulation so I wouldn’t leave his side. When I did leave he wasn’t the man I’d befriended and there was genuine cruelty in his voice. I worry what he might do in the future as he was determined to turn me into his property. Mick can be possessive but he also respects I have my own free will, he never tires to manipulate me or my feelings. I mostly worry that Lex will make Mick his target” Ray explained knowing just how much Clark would understand him.

“I wish I could tell you that won’t happen but I would advise you keep that in mind. Lex turned into a manipulative and cruel man that didn’t think of the lives of others if it served his end goals. My Lex though didn’t hate me for choosing Lois he hated me because I was everything impossible he had worked to create. Lex wanted to save the world too but then I came along and Superman was doing just that and rivalry and jealousy corrupted Lex. If your Lex has genuine feelings for you there is a chance he won’t go down the same path. If your Lex still feels like you can do good for the world then he isn’t as far gone as mine. My Lex thinks that Superman could be a threat, that if I choose to go bad there has to be a plan to stop me and he will be the one to take me down and save the world.” Clark explained.

Ray didn’t know what to say to that, the idea that someone thought he would go bad and be a threat seemed preposterous. Ray knew that Clark was a good man and not a danger to his world as sure as he knew he would also always walk the path of good. 

“So there really is hope that I can save Lex before he heads down a path of no return?” Ray asks but as fate would have it this was the moment Mick opened his eyes.  
Mick sat up slowly in his chair and Ray could tell he had heard some of the conversation as he looked between Clark and Ray.

“Sorry Haircut but there is no way I’m approving of you putting yourself in the kind of danger being near Baldy would create. I don’t care about hope, that man is dangerous and I won’t let him hurt you” Mick said in a low growl before laying a glare on Clark.

“And you, Mr big blue boy scout, I take a nap and you fill Haircuts head with notions of saving a man that wanted to keep him locked away from the world like his own damn personal property” Mick said voice dark and for the first time Clark seemed to steel himself a bit.

“Mr Rory I am not trying to talk Ray into anything, simply stating that compared to what happened to this Earths Lex there is a chance your Lex doesn’t have to go down that path. There’s a chance you Earth can get a Lex Luthor that wants to work to protect it and help mankind” Clark said meeting Micks gaze.

“I don’t give a damn about helping mankind” Mick growled and Clark looked genuinely shocked, like he couldn’t believe the guy in front of him was meant to be a hero.

“There is one thing more damn important and he is already a soft hearted nerd. So while Haircut is the hero I am the one that’s got to keep him safe and trying to build bridges with Lex Luthor isn’t high on my list of things that keeps my boyfriend from doing something stupid” Mick finished and turned to glare at Ray.

But Ray saw through it, yes he could see that Mick was angry that he was entertaining the idea of trying to work things out with Lex and wanting to save the man. But in truth it wasn’t like Mick didn’t know Ray would want to save the other man or feel responsible for pushing Lex down the path he was now on. Ray could also tell that Mick wanted nothing more for Ray to be safe.

“Don’t look at me like that Haircut, I’m mad at you and those stupid ideas you have” Mick said trying to keep his face angry and stony.

“I know Mick, I know where you’re coming from but you also just want to keep me safe. You love me too much to want me to put myself in danger” Ray said face breaking into a smile.

“How come you take everything I say and find the damn compliment in it, you’d think I was spouting love poetry at you the way your grinning like an idiot” Mick grumbled face finally giving up on looking stony and going to exasperated.

“Mick, I don’t think calling Ray an idiot is masking anything” Kara said smiling knowingly at the two of them, “you guys really have your own style of flirting” Kara said.

Ray blushed a little at the attention and Mick just shot her a dirty look hating that others were beginning to see through his bad attitude and particular vocabulary. Clark was now smiling the steely look gone as he too looked like he realised something.

“I see it now, that hard exterior and gruff front it’s all a defensive act to make sure people don’t get close but inside your feelings burn bright. Your love for Ray, your desire to protect him but your embarrassment that these feelings make you less intimidating. You’re a good man Mick Rory, stay true to those feelings” Clark said smiled.

Mick just blanched his expression was a mix of horror and annoyance as he glared disapprovingly back at the collection of overly sentimental Kryptonians.

“You’re all idiots!” He barked, “Is there something about being Krypto what’s it’s that mean your all soft in the head or think with your hearts not your heads. What nonsense are you spouting blue boy?”

“No I get it, Kara was right. Once I spent time with you I’ll see your true colours and what makes you and Ray such a cute couple. I’m glad my brother from another Earth has someone so steadfast in his life” Clark continued to smile as Ray continued to blush.

“Ok that’s it! First never use the word cute again, if I could I’d suggest stepping outside. Second you two are definitely related, you both speak like you’re in a bad romance novel and lastly this is why dicks like Baldy are no go zones cause they will manipulate all those lovely feelings and you will be the ones who get hurt” Mick said as he stood to drive home the point.

“Mick, I’m sorry I didn’t want to upset you or make you think I was going to get myself into another dangerous situation. Truthfully I can’t help but worry about the people that come into my life, for good or for bad but what kills me is the idea that Lex might target you to get to me and I will never forgive myself if that happens.” Ray said as he locked eyes with Mick, sincerity and concern etched on his handsome face.

“Damn it Haircut you don’t need to apologize I know it’s just part of who you are to care. I care about very few people, it’s hard not to get jealous when I have to share you with so many.” Mick replied his shoulders dropping.

“Yeah but you’re the one that’s the most important to me Mick” Ray replied.

“Just, I don’t know. I got your back ok, we deal with Lex together. When the time comes. “Mick said relaxing and tying to reign in his conflicting feelings.

“Ok that was cu…I mean you guys really have something special” Kara said a glint of warmth in her eyes.

“That it I’m out! Haircut I’m going to bed you can stay but there are far too many goo goo eyes and sappy feelings in this room for me” Mick said but there was a smirk on his lips knowing that Ray was in fine company even if he couldn’t handle too much of it.

“No I think I’ll turn in too Mick” Ray said back reassuringly before turning to face Clark and Kara.

“Sorry guys I think it’s time to call it a night” Ray said and he knew they understood that it was important for him to go spend time with Mick.

“Of course Ray, we understand. Tomorrow if you’re up for it maybe we can go check out the Fortress of Solitude. I’m sure it will give you a lot of comfort as it has me” Clark said fondly and Rays face lit up.

“Yes! That would be amazing” Ray replied excitedly.

They all said their goodnights and Ray and Mick headed back to their quarters on the base Ray buzzing with energy and excitement. He wasn’t sure he was going to be able to sleep but he knew he had to try at least for Mick’s sake so it looked like he was taking care of himself.

“I can feel you practically vibrate Haircut, you gotta calm down or neither of us are gonna be able to sleep” Mick said as they approached their rooms.

“Sorry Mick, I’m just excited” Ray said and he opened the door to the room Mick had put his stuff in and not the one that now had a broken shower.

“Yeah well I suppose I’d rather see you like this but damn I am not enjoying how much you and the space cadet have in common. You can tell your related” Mick grumbled as they both entered the bed room and started getting ready for bed.

“Technically were not related but the same person” Ray corrected.

“Yeah well I didn’t like the fact that someone else can read me like you can, it’s one thing you seeing through the defences” Mick said disgruntledly.

“Well it’s not like he see’s everything” Ray replied but there was something else in his voice that made Mick turn to look at him.

Mick saw that Ray was appraising him fondly and it twigged that Mick was just standing there in his boxers casually getting ready for bed while his boyfriend had apparently been enjoying the show.

“Good thing too, some things really are just for you” Mick said as he closed the distance between them and soon they were kissing.

Mick made short work of Ray’s top layers pulling his t shirt off and manhandling him onto the bed. Mick looked down at the man now sprawled on the covers a lustful glint in those usually innocent eyes.

“I’ve said all evening that this has been an entirely far too wholesome night for my liking” Mick growled out feeling the desire whirl inside him.

Mick knelt down and tugged off Ray’s shoes before leaning over his wanton boyfriend to work on the belt of his jeans. As he undid the belt Ray pulled his face up for another kiss and the two of them moaned into each other’s mouth. Lips caressed each other hungrily and wantonly and Ray’s hands groped at Mick. Mick had to reluctantly break away from the kiss so he could pull down Ray’s jeans. He did this slowly and teasingly watching Ray buck impatiently.

“Patience Haircut” Mick breathed out his hot breath on Ray’s aroused crotch.

Soon Ray was naked and flushed on the bed as Mick kicked off his own underpants and crawled back up the man he loved for another heated kiss. Tongues explored mouths as hands roamed bodies. Mick had a hand in Ray’s thick hair and another on his hip caressing the flesh there. Ray was unashamedly groping Micks bare arse with one hand pulling the two of them closer together so that their erections where pressed against each other. Both men moaned at the feeling, turned on and hungry but both glad that they were in a place they could do this again.

Ray remembered the first time they’d had sex and was grateful he also remembered how to control his strength. Ray was also grateful that there was no memory in his past that could taint this experience. Mick and Ray making love that was just for them, there was no fear or trauma. No right now there was nothing but love and lust, desire and acceptance. Physical need and emotional understanding were in balance and Ray felt the most complete and settled he had in a long time. They broke apart from the kiss both breathing heavily and Ray took his hand to rest on either side of Mick’s face to still the man for a moment to look him in the eye.

“Mick I love you” Ray said feeling sure and determined.

Mick looked back at Ray his own wondering hands stilled as he placed one on Ray’s check to caress it with his thumb.

“I know, you idiot” Mick said with a smirk and Ray smiled

“So you’re doing a Han Solo on me?” Ray said with a quirk of his eyebrow.

“Haircut you know full well I have no idea what that means but…” Mick paused and his expression softened and a rare but genuine smile crossed his face.

“When we get back you can show me those damn Star Wars movies ok” Mick promised and Ray beamed.

“You really do love me!” Ray said his voice full of joy.

“Yes Ray I really do love you” Mick answered and lent in for a kiss.

This time it was tender, it was slow and warm. They were no longer rutting like hungry teens but pulling sensations from each other in a slow and delightful way. Both men wanted the other to feel loved and adored, safe and respected and most of all that they knew what ever came nothing was gonna take this from them!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may put the rest of the sex scene in a bonus chapter for those that want to ready sexy times!


	41. Chapter 38b

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The extra sex scene as a bonus chapter!

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 38b

They’d been kissing at a luxurious pace taking their time to enjoy the act and convey the love and contentment both men felt. Bu there was no denying that heat was rising, that their bodies wanted more as hot naked fleshed moved together. They were both painfully turned on as Ray had parted his leg to let Mick in even closers and this meant both their erections were hard against each other causing them to moan at the contact. Tender kisses turned hungrier as Ray wrapped long legs around Mick’s waist pulling the man as close as he could get and earning himself a deep moan from his lover. Mick has taken to sucking on Ray’s neck feeling his pulse beneath his mouth. Ray had stretch out, body tight with pleasure and Mick had taken the opportunity to roam his hand out over Ray’s arms until he had both of Rays wrists held by one hand above Rays head and the other hand was now roaming over Ray’s chest finding a hard nipple to flick.

Ray was letting Mick explore, was surrendering himself to him and keeping his strength in check so that Mick could be as possessive as he wanted in this moment. But Ray was also goading Mick on, he used his legs to pull Mick closer making sure their hips were lined up so there heated members slide against each other causing the friction between them to grow. He’d arch his back offering Mick more chest to explore but also tilted his head to allow the man more access to his neck. They were both breathing heavily as Ray’s eye’s fluttered shut at the various sensations he was experiencing.

Ray heard Mick growl at the latest roll of his hips and opened his eyes to look at the man he loved whose expression was dark with lust and knew that Mick was onto Ray’s game. Mick released Ray and pulled back not getting very far due to Ray’s legs wrapped round him and Ray smirked playfully. Mick took a hand and started to run it up one of Ray’s legs, kneading the flesh there and as once again Ray bucked at the sensation of hard arousal on hard arousal Mick was able to slip his hand underneath and garb Ray’s well defined arse. Mick squeezed playfully earning him a naughty look from the playful man beneath him and he smiled.

Mick continued his kneading of wanton flesh making sure that his fingers were getting closer to Ray’s tight ring of muscle as one such finger grazed over the puckered entrance. This caused Ray to yelp a little and lose his grip around Micks waist so that Mick could take advantage. Mick was bending Rays legs back pushing his body over with his own as he turned his attention to Rays thigh and started to kiss the flesh on the inside of his leg. Mick grazed teeth over the softer flesh and made sure to bite down with enough suction to draw a heated moan from his lover and leave a love bite that would probably heal but for now was bright. He continued to suck and bite and Ray writhed on the sheets as he felt Mick hold him beneath his knees and push him back further until he knew what Mick was after.

Mick’s hot breath came out, first the area of thigh he’d been marking as his, then he blew another breath over Rays sensitive balls making his arousal twitch in excitement before blowing on Rays perk buttocks. Mick went back to creating love bites but this time it was one Rays exposed arse and slowly but surely he left red marks. Ray was mewing at the attention, both men knew full well if Ray wanted to move, to pull Mick into action there was going to be no stopping him and it was a heady form of delight that Ray trusted Mick with his body. Soon Mick let out a breath that ghosted the area of Ray’s entrance as Ray grabbed handfuls of sheet.

Mick ghosted his hands from their position holding Ray up, to his thighs and then to the firm checks of Rays arse. Ray knew to keep his legs up and allowed Mick the room he needed. Mick then pulled Rays cheeks apart exposing the little puckered hole and blew on it watching and hearing Ray quiver with anticipation and delight. Then he took his tongue and lapped at the entrance earning himself a moan from Ray. He continued this for a little longer until the area was moist before pushing his tongue in and hearing Ray curse only made the situation more erotic. Ray was not a curser but in this moment he let out a few choice words and it went straight to Micks own arousal. Mick continued to explore Ray puckered entrance with his lounge twisting and prodding inside and hearing the delightful sounds of his lover beneath him. When he thought Ray was suitable blissed out he pulled back and took in the form of his boyfriend flushed with desire.

Mick lent to the side knowing that he’d placed his bag next to the bed and what contents it held, he hadn’t meant to be presumptuous but he thought better prepared than not as he pulled a small tube of lube from the bag. On seeing this Ray gave him a little knowing look but saw that he appreciated the gesture. As Mick lent back to his position Ray with a sudden surge of strength plunged up and kissed him hard. Ray kissed him like a desperate man, tasting his own flavour on Micks mouth and practically knocking them both off the bed. Mick looked at his lover when he pulled back, eyes full of lust but also pure joy, somehow that trade mark glint of glee was still in Ray’s eye and Mick thanked the powers that be that this sexy nerd was somehow with him. 

Mick was now kneeling with Ray practically in his lap as he allowed Ray to have the reigns for a little bit. Ray was sucking on Micks shoulder leaving his own marks that were definitely not going to heal as fast. Mick went back to holding onto that perfect arse and kneading the flesh there, with one hand still containing the tube of lube, which Ray must have felt against his bare cheek. Mick was able to lift Ray a little as the other man resting his own knees on either side of Micks, open and wanton against Mick. Then Ray reached down between then and took both of their erections in his hand and started to tug and twist. 

The feeling was incredible as Mick let out a growl of delight relishing in the feeling of Ray stroking them together strong and steady. It was Micks turn to swear and the profanity came out breathy and sharp. Mick could see Ray’s mouth quirk in response clearly pleased with himself but also trying to focus on the pleasure he was both receiving and giving. Rays free hand was resting on the top of Micks bicep, gripping lightly to steady himself and keep himself grounded, strong fingers pressing into the scared flesh there, a thumb making a caressing motion. 

Both men were feeling the drawing sensation that meant their bodies needed release soon. Mick decided it was time as he released Ray’s checks and fumbled a little to get the top off the lube and coating his fingers a little unceremoniously. He used one hand to spreading Ray’s checks and expose the entrance as he placed a teasing fingertip to the entrance, circling it with his finger. This earned him a slightly harder stroke of his throbbing arousal and Mick knew Ray wasn’t feeling patient. He pressed the lubed digit in and felt as Ray stilled around him, muscles clenching as he got used to the sensations. Soon Mick was able to twist the digit, bending it at the knuckle as he opened Ray up. Mick made sure that he took his time, wanting to draw out as much pleasure from Ray as he found that spot inside that made Ray swear loud and clear and toss his head back in pleasure. 

Mick took the opportunity to lap a bead of sweat from Ray’s neck before inserting the second and then when ready a third finger. He worked the little entrance scissoring fingers and stretching the man writing above him until he was sure Ray was ready. As he removed his hand he heard Ray mew at the loss but soon he was encouraging Ray to raise himself up a little to give Mick space to manoeuvre. Ray released his grip on their erections and placed his now free hand on Micks waist. Mick then took hold of his aching member and guided it to the quivering ring of muscle before slowly pushing in.

The feeling was hot and needy, tight muscle held his cock as he growled deep at the feel of sliding into Ray. Ray was breathing hard his grip a little tight and some of that control going. Mick knew he may be a little bruised on his arm and hip tomorrow but it was worth it. He looked at Rays face and the other man opened his eyes and their eyes locked. Mick looked at his lover watching as he was fully sheathed inside him and Ray watched back not wanting to break the connection between them, both physically and emotionally. Now that he was seated deep in Ray Mick took his hand to guide Ray into another kiss, deep and reassuring, another declaration of love upon his tongue before placing his hands on Ray sides and rolling his hips.

This made Ray shout out and his eyes snap shut and both men were moaning as Mick encourage Ray to lift himself a little so Mick could pull back and push back in. Mick was gonna have trouble walking tomorrow he thought to himself but it would be so worth it as his bent knees ached a little from the position. But then it was as if Ray sensed it and in a show of strength Ray lifted Mick and spun the two of them until he was lying on his back and Ray was still seating on his member looking down on him with a mischievous smile. Mick would never admit it to anyone but being manhandled was a turn on but he didn’t want Ray to have the satisfaction of knowing that, not just yet. So Mick just stretching his arms above him, looking smug, his face saying, “so what are you gonna do now?” He was clearly challenging Ray to do something about this new position and Ray took the bait.  
Mick himself had to grab hold on the bedding at the sensation of Ray raising himself so Mick started to slip from that warm embrace and then Ray pushed back down. Again Ray threw his head back the sensations of riding Mick making him gasps in pure joy. Soon Ray had quickened the pace and Mick thought that never in a millions years would he have believed that Ray Palmer would be riding his cock with such abandonment and pleasure. Mick knew his orgasm was coming fast, Rays pace was relentless as he grabbed hold of Rays hips and pushed up into his lover. Together they matched the pace Mick slamming his hips up as Ray brought himself down on him. They were both feeling their release it was close as Ray fell forward his arms framing the side of Micks head and his hair was damp with sweat. Mick had never seen anything so sexy in all his life, Ray was a picture of arousal. Mick rolled his hips up and found that spot again inside Ray that made him moan deep and Mick could tell his lover was barely holding on, that pleasure and arousal were taking over as Mick repeatedly hit the spot deep inside . Mick took one free hand and wrapped in around Rays erection. It was a slower more deliberate pace, Micks upwards thrusts in time with Ray’s downward and Micks strong hand on Rays cock, and then release. Mick felt Ray clenching him hard, saw the red flush of his skin and the moan of delight as he came hard. He came over Micks hand and chest and in response Mick released into Ray. Mick grunted through the pleasure as he came hard inside his lover and felt the wave of delirious exhaustion wash over him.

Mick panted hard feeling boneless and weak but was vaguely aware that Ray was slowly getting off him as his member slide out of that tight hole. He wanted nothing more than to pull the beautiful man toward him and fall into a blissful sleep but heard Ray mumble something about the mess. Soon a warm damp bath towel was cleaning him down. Once the sticky wetness was gone he rolled to his side and took in Rays dishevelled form and noted that another sexy image was Ray standing naked Micks own seed running down his leg and looking thoroughly fucked. He pulled the towel from Rays hand and returned the favour of cleaning up his lover, taking pleasure as Ray shivered at the touch before throwing the dirty towel into a corner of the room and pulling Ray onto the bed.

They didn’t need words, they’d said what they wanted earlier and their bodies had said the rest as Mick rolled back onto his back and Ray rested his head on his chest. They were both tired and blissed out as they drifted off to sleep.


	42. Chapter 39

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 39

Ray woke up first and found that he had rolled onto his side in the night and Mick had followed suit wrapping a possessive arm round his waist as if to make sure Ray didn’t suddenly get up and leave in the night. That wasn’t going to happen though, Ray was more than content and still a little groggy and blissed from the last night’s confession and activities. He was pretty sure that if it wasn’t for is healing powers he’d be finding it a lot hard to walk today. Despite being the taller man he was more than happy to be tucked in Micks embrace enjoying the sense of protection Mick gave off even in sleep. They’d finally both said it, both on the same page with no room for doubt about how they felt about each other. How long had Ray waited for someone to love him back the way he loved them, to not be the second choice or consolation prize. No for once Ray had given his heart to someone that truly wanted it and didn’t want to leave him for someone better, to Mick Ray was everything and Ray very much felt the same way about his boyfriend.

That being said he was starting to get hungry and then the rising excitement of knowing that today he was going to the Fortress of Solitude. The name hadn’t inspired thoughts of hope and joy the first time he heard it but Kara had explained how it was Clark’s respite from the world, a place to pay homage to his Kryptonian routes and to relax and take time for himself when he needed it. The thought sounded a lot more appealing then. Excitement started to thumb through his body at the thought of going there. He knew that Mick was a late sleeper plus last night had been pretty exhausting so he wasn’t expecting Mick to wake just yet.

“Haircut, don’t you dare get out of bed and could you stop vibrating” Came Micks sleep ridden and gruff voice.

“Sorry Mick, just excited about going to the Fortress today, plus I’m hungry” Ray answered.

“Don’t care, go back to sleep” Mick replied in a mumble as Ray felt Mick tighten his arm and scotch even closer to Ray.

Micks body was warm against Ray’s and for a moment Ray’s mind drifted to the feel of Micks naked skin against him as he pushed back into the embrace.

Ray heard a huff somewhere between annoyance and arousal from Mick and smiled to himself.

“Haircut it’s too damn early for round two so stop your damn temptation” Mick said and he punctuated that with a role of his hips that caused Ray to mew a little. 

Ray started to roll over to face Mick who let him do so reluctantly until he was now facing his sleepy looking boyfriend. Micks eye were closed but he started to crack one open to look into Rays face.

“How can you look so damn awake and cheerful at the hour Haircut” Mick mumbled out, voice still heavy with sleep.

“Cause I am waking up in bed with you!” Ray said cheerfully beaming at Mick.

This earned him an exasperated growl and Mick closed his eyes again.

“Haircut, I take it back if you’re gonna be sappy you can get up and leave me to sleep” Mick said but there was warmth there as well as annoyance.

“Hum, how about this, I get up and I bring back breakfast. I’ll bring back bacon, lots of bacon!” Ray offered.

“Fine, I’ve always wanted someone to feed me bacon in bed, that’s a fantasy I can tick off my list” Mick replied eyes still closed but looking a little happier about being woken up.

“Ew, No Mick that’s so unhygienic!” Ray said sounding appalled.

“Come on haircut, breakfast in bed is meant to be romantic, I thought you’d be up for that” Mick quipped his hand on Rays waist squeezing it slightly.

“Yeah, well yes but I don’t know, bacon in bed? The way you said it didn’t sound romantic” Ray replied a little bit of a pout on his mouth and in his voice.

“I don’t know, fried bacon, that salty taste on our tongues, greasy fingers running over your body as bacon fat runs down our chins” Mick said half teasingly and half genuinely liking the idea. “What’s the matter Haircut, afraid of being a little dirty?”

“Ok stop it, nope, you’re disgusting. And before you make a joke about pork in your mouth, I’m getting up!” Ray said still half horrified but also half amused.

“Your loss Haircut, but you’ll come around” Mick said through a smirk as Ray started to slide out of the bed.

Ray then quickly slide back toward Mick and placed a kiss to his lips, he had intended it as a quick “I’ll be back soon” kiss but Mick deepened it. The kiss was long and a little hungry and Ray was pretty sure Mick was still thinking about the bacon. When they pulled apart Ray half wondered if he indeed wanted to leave the bed just yet but on seeing the knowing smirk on Mick realised that was his intention. Ray lent in and gave Mick a peck on the nose before sliding off the bed. There was a grumble from Mick at the loss of contact but Ray dressed quickly suddenly very hungry and noticed that Mick had gone back to sleep even before he’d put him shoes on. Ray smiled at his boyfriend before leaving the room and heading for signs of life to ask the best place to find breakfast.

As he entered the lead room of the DEO he wasn’t surprised to see it thumbing with life and Alex and Winn talking to various employees. He supposed that monitoring the world didn’t stop just because people got tired.

“Um, morning guys” He said smiling at the pair who returned his greeting.

“Ray morning, you’re up early?” Alex asked putting down a clipboard and giving her attention to Ray.

“Yeah too excited to sleep, Clark says he’s going to take me to the Fortress today” Ray replied.

“OMG! That is going to be amazing, I can just imagine the two of you there and….”Winn started to say when Alex cut him off.

“Yeah I’m sure your imagining it” And Winn went a little red at the statement.

Ray didn’t really read into it his mind had one purpose at the moment.

“Yeah, it really is going to be something but first where can I go to get breakfast, preferable somewhere with bacon” Ray asked smirking slightly.

“There’s some pretty decent places nearby I can take you too, places with very healthy portion sizes” Alex offered looking at Ray like she knew something.

“That would be perfect, I promised Mick bacon, though still got to convince him not to eat it in the bed. He can be a slob sometimes and bacon fat on sheets really isn’t the most romantic thing I’ve heard” Ray said rambling a bit and not noticing the knowing look on Alex’s face.

“Don’t worry, we’ve got laundry services hear for messy sheets Ray” Alex said teasingly but Ray was still lost in thoughts.

“Alex!” Winn said admonishingly looking more red causing Ray to focus a little more.

“Oh that’s good to hear, I mean wasn’t planning on putting the bacon in the bed but I suppose doing some laundry would be a good idea regardless. I have to find that towel Mick threw into a corner first and …Oh god you don’t want to know that!” Ray suddenly put a break on his rambling to take in Winn’s red face and Alex’s approving gaze.

“Good night Ray?” Alex asked with a smirk and Ray blushed furiously.

“Breakfast, I need to go get breakfast” Ray stammered and Alex took pity on him changing the subject to the afore mentioned breakfast location.

“Come on, I’ll show you the way” Alex said smiling as they walked out of the DEO.

The breakfast dinner was indeed round the corner and they chatted idly about what the day to day running of the DEO was like and the very extensive menu that was on offer. Much to Ray’s protests Alex paid for their meals and soon Ray was carrying a take out with probably enough food for 5 people. But he was hungry and he knew Mick would appreciate it.

“So where is Kara this morning?” Ray asked making more conversation.

“She’s at Catco. She does her work there and if we discover something that needs her attention we call her in” Alex explained.

“Must be tough on them both, leading double lives. The human and the superhero. I only did it for a bit when I ran my own company before joining the Legends” Ray explained.

“Both Kara and Clark find its an important part of their lives to make sure they stay connected to their true selves and not disappear into the mantel they wear. They have a pretty good balance. I think what you Legends do is harder, you gave up your homes, your normal lives to become heroes. You get no recognition for what you do and you spend your life on a ship protecting the very timeline of your world” Alex said.

“When you put it like that makes it sound a little more isolating and thankless but we are a family, the Waverider is our home and it’s given us all more purpose then we ever had in our previous lives. We’re all stronger, better people for being Legends and I don’t know what kind of life I’d be having if it wasn’t for my team” Ray explained.

“And you wouldn’t have met Mick” Alex added and noting the dopey smile on Ray’s face.

“Yeah we would never have gotten the chance to know each other and fall in love” Ray said a little wistful. “Plus I don’t know what I’d do if I had to go through all this without him, I remember so many hurtful and painful things and Mick just seems to understand where the pain and anger comes from, how to deal with it and well…” Ray said not knowing how to finish the thought.

“You love him and sometimes love really does heal but also give you the strength you need to face each day” Alex offered.

“Sounds like someone also knows what it means to love someone” Ray replied smiling at Alex who returned the look.

They were soon back in the DEO and Alex showed Ray to the mess area where he could set up for breakfast, once he was settled she let him be so he could enjoy his breakfast with Mick who he had to now convince to leave the bed. Ray walked back to their room and entered to see Mick spread on the bed taking advantage of the fact he wasn’t sharing it and still asleep.

“Ok Mick, time for breakfast” Ray said warmly as he bent over to shake Micks shoulder.

The man just huffed at him but didn’t move as Ray shook him a little more trying to tempt him with the fact that a stack of pancakes and bacon was waiting for him. This made Micks eyes crack open but on seeing Ray he grabbed the man by his arm and pulled him down on top of him.

“Mick this is not conducive to eating breakfast” Ray yelled out.

“No, but I’m not complaining about having you on top of me Haircut” Mick growled a little.

Ray pushed himself off Mick using his strength to his advantage and dragged the covers off Mick to expose the gloriously naked man. Mick then smirk at him,

“Enjoying the view?” Mick said voice a low rumble as Ray swallowed.

“Come on Mick it will get cold” Ray said putting on a pout and blinking big brown eyes at Mick. Ray smiled when he heard Mick curse and knew he’d won the battle.

“I’m only getting up cause I’m hungry Haircut, don’t think those puppy dog eyes had anything to do with it” Mick said as he stood his legs a little shaky.

“If you need any help you know I’m more than capable to carrying you to breakfast” Ray offered now feeling the urge to tease his lover.

Ray noticed the love bites on Micks body as well as a bruise on his hip and smiled approvingly at his handy work. Mick glared at him before trying to find his underpants. It was when Mick went to throw on a dressing gown that Ray stopped appreciating his handy work.

“Um Mick you can’t wonder around the DEO in a bath robe, this isn’t the Waverider.” Ray said.

“I can and I will, you’ve got me out of bed but no way am I getting dressed yet” Mick answered and gave Ray a look to signal that no amount of puppy eyes would change his mind. Ray knew when to pick his battles and decided to let it go. Both men headed to the mess and upon entering Mick suddenly woke up.

“Ok Haircut, this I could get used to.” Mick said approvingly, taking in the pancakes, bacon, steak and eggs and some kind of fried potato.

“Well I figured we needed to replenish our energy but don’t think I’m gonna get you a fry up every time we have sex. This is a special occasion and then we will work on your salad and green veg aversion” Ray said before sitting at the table.

Mick choose to ignore that last comment but made a mental note to try a little harder with the green veg thing. He supposed what harm could there be in eating more vegetables if it meant getting in his boyfriends pants more often. Sometimes sacrifices had to be made for relationships and being a little healthier wouldn’t hurt, especially if Ray was willing to pig out like this. They ate in comfortable silence both men realising just how hungry they were. They stole little side glances at each other, making sure the other was content and didn’t need anything.

Mick got up and made them both coffee and Ray opened a box he’d kept to one side that contained donuts. This was the moment Mick decided that Ray deserved a show of affection as he pulled the man towards him and kissed him hard. This was also the moment that J’onn walked into the mess.

The two men broke apart at the sound of throat clearing and turned to the glaring man before them.

“As much as this scene of domestic bliss is endearing this is a public mess area” J’onn said one eyebrow quirked but he was trying to suppress a smirk.

Ray blushed and looked a little horrified that he’d forgotten where they were but Mick being Mick acted like he couldn’t care less that he was in a bath robe kissing his boyfriend in a public area.

“Sorry, I ...we...forgot” Ray started to ramble, not knowing who to look at and feeling like this would be a good moment for the ground to swallow him up.

“Relax Doctor Palmer, in future try and be a little more discreet but for now I’m just letting you know that Clark has arrived” J’onn said before turning and finally letting that smirk break out on his face. 

Ray let out a breath he hadn’t realised he was holding and turned to glare at Mick.

“What?” Mick said but he was smiling and looking smug and Ray let it go.

Ray then let it settle in that Clark’s arrival meant that leaving for the Fortress was imminent and he started to panic, trying to tidy up their breakfast and calm the butterflies in his stomach.

“Calm down Haircut, blue boy can wait a few minutes while we finish up” Mick said but he was discreetly putting things away knowing there was no way Ray was going to stay even remotely calm.

Mick then refilled their coffees and picked up the donut box, “Come Haircut donuts and coffee to go, let’s go meet you doppelganger”.

Ray appreciated the gesture taking his coffee cup and giving Mick a peck on the lips before they headed back to the main room of the DEO. Ray was so excited that he totally forgot about Micks attire so when they entered the room and were greeted by quirked eyebrows and Kara’s inability to look at them he had to try and figure out why they were being stared at. 

“What you never seen a man enjoying his coffee and donut in a relaxed state” Mick quipped sitting in a seat as he put his leg on the counter.

“Mr Rory this is still a place of work a little decorum if you wouldn’t mind” J’onn said and Mick decided to put his legs down and pay attention to his donut. 

Kara was then able to look at Ray who was too excited to sit but Winn was a picture of dumbfounded, not quite believing the audacity of the bath robed man. Clark looked a little surprised too and Ray just shrugged as if to say, that’s just Micks way and there nothing anybody can do about it.

“So Ray are you ready for this?” Clark asked, “I understand if you want a little more time there’s no pressure”.

“No I am ready, I mean I need to finish this donut but. Do you want a donut I should have offered? I bought a box!” Ray said and without asking Mick just passed the box to him.

“Um no thank you and Ray there nothing to be nervous about.” Clark offered.

“We are both gonna be by your side, I’ve told Catco I’m working on a Superman article so can accompany you” Kara said smiling.

Ray didn’t realise he’d been starting to get nervous and glanced at Mick who was dunking a donut in coffee.

“Or course Mick is welcomed to join but he’s going to have to put on more clothes. It’s pretty cold in the North Pole.” Clark offered.

“This is Haircuts journey so it’s your choice” Mick said looking at Ray understanding on his face.

“Mick would you be ok with me going without you, it’s not that I don’t want to share this with you I just think this is one of those hurdles I have to face and I can’t use you as a crutch for it. I don’t know how to explain, I just want to see this part of my life for myself, face it and learn from it” Ray asked looking worried that he was being selfish.

“I’d be lying if I said I was happy you are going without me but I understand Haircut. This isn’t about me or us this is your business and when you’re ready you’ll let me in too. I’m not gonna begrudge you that.” Mick said looking focused. “I’m here for you when you get back.”

“Thanks Mick, Um Clark if at a later date I wanted to show Mick the Fortress would that be ok?” Ray asked apologetically.

“That would be no problem at all. Your lover put in perfectly this is your journey and whatever helps you along it I am here to support you, both me and Kara” Clark said.

“We’re all here, like your legends we’re a family and you Ray are very much a part of that too” J’onn said looking very much like the father figure he was to the group. “That of course extends to you Mr Rory even if you have some aversion to an appropriate dress code”.

Mick grunted in response but Ray just beamed around him, he’d gone from the Palmers being the worst kind of family to now having two supportive and amazing teams that treated him far more like family then they ever did. He was feeling truly blessed. 

“Ok Clark, Kara let do this!” Ray said determined. “Um what should I wear, I mean do I need a costume to entre, does the Fortress have a dress code!”

“Your fine as is Ray, I promise this is a space for you as much as it is to us” Clark said smiling trying to make sure Ray was calm.

“Ok yes, I’m ready, I think” Ray said not sure why he was hesitating, “No I think, is it crazy but can you give me a moment to get into the Atom suit”.

“That’s no problem Ray, we get it, you feel comfort from your suit. We will wait.” Clark said in a warm and reassuring voice as Ray ran from the room.

It was a bit of a blur as he raced to his room and quickly got into his clothes for wearing the suit and then to the lab bay to get his suit on. Clark was right he needed the comfort of the suit, something familiar to him.

Back in the main room Mick looked from Kara to Clark his eyebrow quirked as if trying to figure out exactly what he wanted to say.

“Mick, don’t worry we won’t let anything happen to Ray I promise, we have his best interests in mind. We just want him to find the peace and closure we did” Kara said and Mick just grunted before glaring at her.

“I am going to hold you to that Skirt, if anything happens to Haircut!” Mick said pointedly looking at both Kryptonians. 

“That man has a big heart that can easily get hurt, he puts on a brave front and is more likely to worry about offending you two than admitting any pain that this trip might cause. Look out for that, don’t let him wallow in self-doubt, don’t let him hide fear and sadness behind politeness and a winning smile.” Mick said before dropping his gaze back to the half-eaten donut in his hand.

“Don’t worry Mick we’ll take care of Ray. We won’t let anything hurt the heart of the man you love. I promise.” Clark said earning him a glare before Mick relaxed his features and took the offer as it was intended. He got up and offered his hand to Clark and Clark shook it a silent agreement between them that they both wanted what’s best for Ray and that protecting the man was important to them.

Ray entered the room again dressed in his Atom suit his helmet held in one hand and took in the view of the two men shaking hands. In anyone else’s life seeing Superman shaking hands with a man dressed in a bathrobe that had a steely expression would look odd but then Ray had seen weirder things as a Legend. He beamed as he walked closer and Mick turned to face him, Clark then stepped back to give them some space and he and Kara went to stand by the big window that served as an entrance for those that could fly.

“Mick, I’m gonna be fine” Ray said smiling.

“I know that, I just want to go back to bed cause some idiot woke me up at the crack of dawn for bacon!” Mick replied.

“You love bacon, plus you got bonus donuts so it was worth waking up early” Ray said with mock offense.

“Well I loved waking up with you but yeah donuts are just as good” Mick said a tint of red on his cheeks.

“You really do know how to talk to a guy don’t you” Ray said a smile on his lips.

“I love you and I’ll be back before you know it” Ray said as he lent in for a kiss, it wasn’t chaste but it wasn’t hungry. It was a delicate loving kiss that held a promise of return and for Mick to try not to worry.

With a last glace at his lover Ray went to join Kara and Clark by the window, he put on his helmet as Clark smiled at him reassuringly before the trio of Kryptonians took flight. Soon they had flown out the window and had disappeared out of sight leaving Mick with conflicting feelings. Part of him loathed to see Ray go, part knows full well that something’s you have to face yourself and part of him felt a little lost with Ray’s presence.

“Mick you ok?” came Alex’s voice.

“Yeah, just not as easy watching Haircut fly off like that as I thought it be” Mick replied honestly.

“I can only imagine but if you need to talk” Alex continued.

“Nah, I have a mess to go tidy and donuts to eat” Mick left the room, he could feel the slightly concerned eyes on him as he left but truthfully he just needed some alone time, maybe something a little stronger than coffee to take the nerves off. He knew Ray would be protected but hated that it wasn’t him doing it, he got it he really did but couldn’t help be a little selfish and wanting to stay by Ray’s side. Everything was going to be fine he just had to be patient and understanding and before you know it Ray will be back and maybe he could have another try at convincing him about the merits of food in the bed.


	43. Chapter 40

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 40

Ray felt a little guilty leaving Mick behind but he knew that was going to be the hardest part but both men knew that it was important to Ray to face this head on and not use Mick as a crutch. Ray couldn’t help feel guilty, it was just part of who he was but he also knew Mick wouldn’t hold it against him. Now he was also feeling super excited and nervous mixed into one, as he followed his new family, could he call them that, towards the Fortress of Solitude. To keep his mind busy and not wonder off he’d been concentrating on the feel of his suit as he flew and it wasn’t hard to soon fall back into old habits of getting hyper focused on the suit. For one thing flying without the suits boosters gave it a totally different feel and the whole thing felt a lot lighter. Unfortunately it did need to be more flexible now he could move on his own and while he was going to keep the boosters just in case he suddenly found himself without his powers, there didn’t have to be such heavy mechanisms.

He heard the suit creak in the wind and there was definitely a whistling sound from his helmet that hadn’t been there before. He decided to turn the suit on and see what it was like with power in it and hadn’t noticed his speed had reduced so he could calibrate mid-flight so his boosters didn’t come on.

“Ray are you OK, were not going to fast or are you feeling some trepidation now we are getting nearer” Came a soft and concerned voice as Ray snapped to attention to look at Clark's worried face.

“Oh no, sorry got lost in thought. No, nothing like that was just re working the power relays in my suit so I could see how it held up now I’m the one flying it” Ray said beaming at Clark to make sure the other man didn’t think he was holding any negative feelings.

“I see, I was told you were a genius and you made this suit yourself by harnessing dwarf star alloy. Pretty impressive I must say” Clark continued smiling back and looking genuinely impressed.

“Thanks, I’m rather proud of the Atom suit, without it I would never have been able to become a hero or join the Legends. Now I come with my own set of abilities though I’d like to see how to improve it so it complements the new me” Ray continued to explain.

“I’m not sure if that’s 100% true from what I’ve heard about you your pretty damn heroic without the suit, it and your powers don’t make you a Legend. I’m pretty sure your boyfriend would agree” Clark said smiling his natural charm and mention of Mick making Ray blush a little at the compliment.

“Well once we get to the Fortress we can run some tests and see what else we can do to make you and your suit fit even better and I have to admit I do approve of the colour scheme” Clark finished with a wink and Ray smirked. Deep down no matter how much their lives had differed to this point they had both had the shared thought that the uniform they would make for their hero alter egos was going to be red and blue, it wasn’t a coincidence it was proof that they shared the same notions, hopes and ideals and that in term gave Ray piece of mind. 

Soon with Clark in front the three of them were descending through the clouds to the frozen plains of the artic and Ray could make out a structure. He tried to get his suit to scan the material it was made of but nothing in his data banks could really pick up what he was seeing. What looked like an ice palace was appearing in front of him and as he got closer he realised just how big the structure was. It looked like it was made of random shards of ice or crystal jutting irrationally about but somehow coming together to form one coherent building. It was both beautiful and intimidating. Ray stood in awe of the structure taking in the sight before him as his inquisitive brain went into action.

“What’s it made of? I tried to scan it but it’s not made of ice or anything really native to Earth.” Ray asked turning big curious eyes to Clark.

“Well it’s mostly grown really. I used a Kryptonian crystal that reacted to this environment, in a similar way to adding ammonia to salt water to make crystals.” Clark explained looking proud as Ray nodded. 

Ray was itching to take a sample to see what it would look like under a microscope when Clark added as if readying his mind, “There are samples inside you can check out” and Ray excitedly replied with an very definite “yes please” his eyes burning with curiosity.

He watched then as Clark picked up a hidden key to open the door to the fortress noting that the key did not look light. On seeing Ray’s face Clark offered him the key adding.  
“I think you could probably tell me what this is made off?” Clark added as Ray took the key.

It was indeed a very heavy key and not something the average human would be able to pick up. In fact Ray had to use his strength and noticed how his suited hand buckled under the weight. But when he looked at the material he realised he was holding a super dense piece of dwarf star and it made sense that the key was so heavy. 

“OK so this means that only those with our strength can open the door but man what I could power with this dwarf star, I could build an army of atom suits. Not that I’d want to, for one thing in no need of an army and another is you know someone would take advantage and before I know it my suits would be being put to use for nefarious purposes.” Ray explained looking at the key in his hand. 

Ray went to return the key but Clark shook his head and gestured at the door and Ray’s heart skipped a beat knowing he was being allowed the privilege of opening up such an important place in Clark’s life. He took a deep breath and tried to still his trembling hand as he pushed the key in and turned it. He heard the mechanism click and soon the entrance opened up revealing a smooth passage way that led further into the fortress. Giving the key back to Clark the three continued their journey and Ray just looked around in awe until they were in a central chamber with high ceilings and a vast computer monitor and very foreign looking control panel.

“Looks like I have some language skills to brush up on” Ray said and he tried to keep some of the sadness out of his voice at knowing this was something else he was missing.

“Don’t worry Ray, I’m more than happy to help you with your Kryptonian. You will pick it up a lot faster than you think” Kara said smiling at him reassuringly and Ray felt better.

“A lot of this was new to me when I first discovered the fortress. I was raised human so it took a little time to get know everything here and what it all meant” Clark added as Ray felt more comfortable, he wasn’t in this alone Kara and Clark knew what he was going through. 

“So Ray you want the grand tour, I mean the pace is pretty big but can show you the important and well the best bits if you like” Clark added and there was a note of excitement in his voice.

Ray was a little awe struck still not sure what he wanted to do, part of his brain was still stuck on trying to find out more about the crystals that made the fortress let alone the vast computer system before him. Then there was what looked like ice statues and now there was the promise of more. Where did he begin, did he want to go straight to seeing what his true parents would have looked like? Then he was nervous, was he ready to see what they looked like what they sounded like? Ray for once was truly lost for words.   
“Take you time Ray” came Kara’s gentle voice and he tried to smile.

“I don’t know where to begin, the scientist in me wants to take over, to explore and learn everything but I know part of that is so I can hide from the real answers I seek. I’m trying to distract myself so I don’t have to face what I truly came here for because, well now I’m not sure I deserve to. I mean this isn’t really my legacy, it’s yours Clark I don’t want to impose” Ray started to explain trying to figure out where this new feeling like he shouldn’t be here was coming from.

The he remembered a conversation his parents, no the Palmers had, they been talking over him discussing if the he was too young to need his mind wiped. He was just two maybe what were the chances he’d remember anything from where he came from or his real parents but still just in case. His destiny now lay with them to shape and mould as they saw fit, his alien heritage needed to be erased so he could be the foundation in the Palmers new legacy. That’s right his Legacy was the Palmers, he had to be a good boy and make them proud, live up to their expectations and what they wanted. Ray backed up a little shaking his head, no that wasn’t right he was his own man, they had no right to his life and he was free to choose his own destiny and make his own legacy. But did he have the right to use Clarks, was he taking something that wasn’t his by being here. 

“Ray talk to me, tell me what’s going through your head let us help” Ray could hear Clarks voice but was still lost in memories and insecurities from the past.

He heard his mother telling him to work hard and do her proud, that one day he was going to do great things for the company really put them on the map. He remember his father saying that he was a gift and then correcting himself to say that he was a reward that they deserved him and all the success Ray had granted them. But Ray knew the price of that success now, it was years of torture and experimentation, of being opened up and watching as organs were removed all for the great Legacy that the Palmers were going to be. He remembered green light and being held so he couldn’t refuse and had to surrender everything he ever was and how hollow and alone he was. He hated it and pushed against it striking something firm as he used his strength to push it away.

Ray then snapped to attention his arms out in front of him blinking in shook as he took in Clark, slightly bent over a further distance away from him that his voice had been a moment ago.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I didn’t realise, I didn’t mean to. I shouldn’t be here” Ray said flooded with guilt and starting to panic.

He couldn’t look Clark in the eye and went to turn and leave knowing he’d crossed a line when he felt a firm grip on his wrist.

“Calm down Ray, its ok we knew this wouldn’t be easy, we want what’s best for you” Kara said grip frim but not so much Ray couldn’t pull himself out of her grasp.

“I can’t be here, I shouldn’t have done that, I’m imposing on something that isn’t mine” Ray stared to say feeling more insecure and guilty as he talked.

“You have nothing to fear here Ray. You’re not imposing, this place is for Kal-El and that’s you as much as it’s me. Don’t let what’s haunting you take that away from you” Clark said but Ray still couldn’t look at him.

“Ray breath, whatever the Palmers said that made you think you couldn’t have this destiny is wrong. Imagine what Mick would say, apart from calling us all sentimental idiots, but he’d be all screw legacy, you got invited here so make yourself at home, if you want to walk around naked then you should, hell we can both walk around naked!” Kara said in a very poor impression of Mick but she was trying and it made Ray smile.

“Mick would definitely be calling me an idiot about now, he’d also be wondering where the food was and that if I want something I can take it, he’d also…” Ray trailed off and Kara sensing the change in Ray wrapped her arms around him and hugged him close.

Ray relaxed into the hug and returned it, he needed to feel the support and strength and was very glad that Kara was there with him right now.

“I am sorry, I remembered some stuff from my childhood, it’s pretty haunting stuff and I guess I haven’t put it behind me as much as I’d like” Ray explained as he pulled out of the hug and turned to look Clark in the eyes.

“No problem, really I don’t hold anything against you Ray you’ve been through things I can’t imagine and I will keep saying it but you are not imposing, you are welcome here.” Clark said placing a reassuring hand on Ray’s shoulder.

Ray closed his eyes and counted to ten trying to move past those early memories and focus on the here and now. Once he opened them he focused himself and looked determined.

“Can I meet my birth parents?” He asked and Clark nodded.

They walked to a large crystal structure that nearly reached the ceiling of the cavern and Kara took his hand reassuringly. Clark went over to what Ray assumed was a Kryptonian control panel and activated a crystal he slot in place. The light around the giant crystals in front of Ray flickered and a holographic projection of a man and a women appeared. They were smiling at the new born baby held in the women’s arms as Clark said,

“Ray Palmer meet Jor-El and Lara your parents.”

Ray just watched in silence at the happy couple who looked so different from the people he had spent his life believing were his blood family. He squeezed Kara’s hand as he felt raw emotion crawl through him. The Palmers in all the memories he had of them had never looked at him the way these two people looked at their baby, there was love and devotion there but also wonder and pure joy like they’d do anything to protect the bundle of joy held in Lara’s arms.

“Are these really my parents? They really love their child, they look so happy and tender. Can that really be me? Was I really that loved?” Ray asked a tremor in his voice as tears began to flow down his cheeks.

“Yes, those are our mother and father. They loved us dearly and made sure that when our world was ending we survived. They loved us more than anything and they wanted us more than anything to live a happy and full life. Jor-El left these crystals in my pod so that one day I would know just how much they loved me and make sure I had everything I needed to know my heritage, my people and my home. It’s all here Ray, ready when you are.” Clark spoke his voice tender.

“The Palmers destroyed my pod, scrapped it for parts, for tech, for their own purposes. I don’t know what happened to the crystals within. I was raised never knowing my people, my parents or heritage. I was raised never knowing I was loved or protected.” Ray said voice thick with sadness and regret. “Excuse me I need a moment, I just need some air”.

Ray said letting go of Kara’s hand and at the worried expression on her face told her he was just stepping outside but needed a moment. Ray walked down the smooth passageway that led to the fresh chill air of the artic. He knew both Clark and Kara were worried about him but he needed a moment. He felt his heart breaking as he felt the cold wind rush over his skin but it wasn’t enough. He removed his atomsuit letting it fall to the ground and looked up into the empty sky. He felt his tears turn cold and freeze on his face as his body shook. He didn’t know what to think or feel and all he wanted to do was feel nothing, feel numb and cold. But also there was so much warmth in the looks from those that were his real parents and yet all those memories of the Palmers were threatening to erase that. He was trying to hold onto that feeling of love but it also hurt that he’d missed out on all this, on all he’d never known. Ray felt lonely in that moment, he was confused and hurting when he heard the soft tread beside him.

“I know you want some time to process but Ray were worried. I don’t know how to help right now but I don’t want to you to alone” Kara said and Ray looked at her sadness in her eyes.

“I don’t know either, I thought I could do this but I wasn’t expecting to feel so lonely. To finally see how my parents felt, to see the love they had for me and how different it is from the Palmers. I’m not sure what to do next” Ray explained.

“I do, we go inside, and we put your suit in one of Clark’s labs. Clark and you should relax and talk, maybe allow yourself some of those distractions while I fly back to National City and get Mick. I know you wanted to challenge yourself, to face your past and who you are but what’s the point of doing this alone when it’s hurting you so much. You have someone that loves you, that looks at you with adoration and wonder, you need that strength Ray. Being in love isn’t a crutch and you’re not asking Mick to take on anything he isn’t prepared to so stop feeling guilty, stop feeling like asking him to be with you when you have all this extra weight isn’t fair to him because believe me that isn’t a man that cares about such things, he’s a man that cares about you and he’d want to be here with you now” Kara finished looking at Ray earnestly.

“How do you know me so well?” Ray asked appreciating that more than anything he wanted Mick by his side right now.

“Because I know my cousin, you two are very similar and he too will carry the weight of the world alone if it means keeping the ones he loves safe. It’s a family trait, not wanting those we love to suffer because our problems seems so heavy, so alien and it feels unfair to burden them. Your family Ray, I’ve got your back and I get it too” Kara said smiling at him.

“Thanks Kara” Ray said as both stood up and turned to where the atomsuit had been left.

Ray noted that Clark was standing in the doorway a mix of concern and understanding on his face but as he saw Kara smiling he stepped out into the chill as well.

“Let me help” he said picking up the suit with Ray, “She’s right though, I spent so long keeping everything from Lois because I thought the truth would crush her, that the more of my world and Superman she got close to the more she’d either run or get hurt by it. The truth is I couldn’t be me as either Clark or Superman if it wasn’t for her, that love gives me strength” Clark explained and Ray nodded still a little lost for words by how much these two understood him and thought like him.

They said a farewell to Kara before she took off to get Mick and Ray felt his world getting a little clearer and lighter knowing that Mick would be by his side soon. But until he arrived he was grateful for the distraction that was heading to the labs of the Fortress of Solitude would create.


	44. Chapter 41

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 41

Mick was bored, he was currently lying on the bed in his and Ray’s room nursing a warm beer and for maybe the first time ever just not in the mood. He’d gotten dressed, not because J’onn had asked him and he was sick of the weird looks people were giving him, but out of pure desperation for something to do. He was on the verge of taking the sheets and towel to the laundry when he gave an annoyed growl opened the beer and sat on the bed. At least this way he could play back the memories of what he and Ray had done on this very bed. That at least made him smile as he recounted last night’s activities feeling himself get aroused again and wondered if he was justified in touching himself a bit since Ray wasn’t around to go for round two. He wished this place had the same amenities as the Waverider, at the very least access to movies, anything to take off the unfamiliar sensation of pinning.

It wasn’t that he was totally pinning and that he couldn’t bare to be separated from Ray it was just he couldn’t shake the feeling that his boyfriend needed him and he was stuck here. He missed Ray already, he missed what they could be doing right now but most of all the fact they were finally on the same page. Everything had clicked into place and they could finally be them and as much as he respected Ray’s choice to try and do this for himself Mick wanted to be there with him. Mick wanted to be Rays support. Mick felt a little guilty that Ray was off discovering himself, probably facing some fears and anxieties and he was contemplating having a wank.

Maybe he could go and annoy the rest of the members of the DEO, Alex was pretty cool maybe he could ask her to spar or something to take his frustration out. He half wanted to go and scare the little science nerd, the guy had not been good at hiding the obvious attraction to Ray and as it turned out he had a thing for the big blue boy scout. So the man clearly had a type and teasing him would be fun, plus he wanted to make certain that Winn kept those thoughts and feeling to himself and away from his Ray. Ray being the oblivious type hadn’t noticed but Mick had and he didn’t want another nerd trying to make goo goo eyes at his boyfriend. When were these guys going to learn, Ray may be positive and caring, with the biggest heart he’d ever seen but he had a thing for the bad boys and Mick was very much his type. Mick was happy to be able to finally admit that, finally he was starting to let it sink in and take hold that Ray was most definitely into him. 

With a sigh of boredom Mick swung his legs off the bed and heading out the room to find a way to entertain himself so he didn’t have to worry about Ray. His boyfriend was in good hands with the supers, exactly how dangerous could a place called the Fortress of Solitude be, it sounded pretty boring to Mick. Ray was going to go there listen to some old tapes or something that had messages from his birth parents doppelgangers and then there would be emotional conversations, tears and hugging probably, lots of talking about feelings and happy childhoods. They’d all be so nice to each other, supportive and understanding, sitting in some kind of circle Kumbayaing away, it sounded awful, like the last thing in the world Mick would want to be a part of and yet for some unknown reason he’d give anything to be there right now. 

He continued to stomp down the halls of the DEO glaring at anyone that tried to make eye contact until he reached the main room where everyone looked very busy working on keeping the world safe from alien threats. Winn was at a monitor looking focused so Mick decided this was fate that he go and have a little talk to the man about his intentions with Ray. Winn was so engrossed that he didn’t notice Mick walk up to him, not until he sat in the chair next to him and started glaring. Winn looked up and saw the intense glare and was clearly a little nervous about Micks presence.

“Um, hi Mick can I help you?” Winn asked.

Mick didn’t answer he just glared taking in a bit of delight at how nervous the other man was and the squeak in his voice.

“Did you want to ask me something?” Winn asked again this time gulping as Mick narrowed his eyes and Winn’s own darted about searching for help.

“Nothing nerd boy, just thought I’d see what kind of work you did here. You know, get to know the people helping out my boyfriend. Carry on” Mick said voice low with a little danger in it for good measure. Yep psyching out the man was going to be fun.

Winn smiled nervously and went back to his screen and trying to look like he wasn’t totally off put by Micks staring. The man was trying to type but his hands were shaking a little and he wasn’t getting much done, every now and again he gave a little nervous side glance to check if Mick was still staring. 

“So…did you want me to explain what I do here or do you want more info on Rays chip, I’ve also been looking at the specs for the Atom suit I could explain to you” Winn’s voice was a little higher than normal and he spoke quickly as nerves got the better of him.

“Hum, you been working on Haircuts suit without him” Mick said putting an element of disapproval in his voice that made Winn turn to face him a little colour draining from his face.

“Oh no I didn’t mean any disrespect. It’s Ray’s suit I wouldn’t do or suggest anything without thinking about him first. He’s a genius, that suit is brilliant and with everything he’s been through I just wanted to offer him some help and support in my own way” Winn said a little desperately but forgetting for a moment who he was talking to as a little bit of admiration crept in.

“You think about my boyfriend a lot shorty” Mick voice came thick, letting his possessive side shine through and taking so much glee as Winn blanched and stared at Mick wide eyed and a little frightened.

“No, No. He’s just very impressive and I respect him as a scientist and want to help him because I know how shitty villains for a parent can haunt you.” Winn said trying hard not to dig his hole any deeper. 

Mick was so ready to jump on the word impressive, to start putting some serious passiveness into play and making the little nerd sweat but faltered at the last part of Winn’s frantic words. Winn must have sensed the change in Micks demeanour, or that there was some kind of connection there and understanding.

“Yeah my dad’s in prison now, he went by the name Toy Maker. A villain that made toys so he could kill people. I spent my entire life trying to get away from his shadow, to not be recognized as the son of a murderer but as the man I wanted to be. Still haunts me, I know he loved me but I still had to bring him in, I sometimes wonder if I had had to make the choice of him killing another person or stopping him for good could I have done it” Winn said eyes going to the floor as the memory and the emotions it brings welled inside him.  
“Never easy putting down family, it would haunt you for the rest of your life. It’s just not in the nature for men like you and Haircut, men like me have crossed that line and when the time comes I’ll put the Palmer's down so that Ray doesn’t have to live with that sin.” Mick said voice less menacing but resolved in the promise he’d made himself.

“Maybe your not so bad, having a villain for a father and still grow up to be a sap takes some guts. You have more in common with Haircut than I like so if you want to save yourself a punch to the nose stop giving my boyfriend eyes” Mick said not threateningly but with enough emphasis to show he meant it.

Winn looked like he wasn’t quite sure how to feel, part of him look horrified that Mick had sussed out he’s been more than admiring Ray and part of him looked relieved that Mick didn’t think he was so bad.

“Yeah um sorry. I know you two are together like really serious about each other together it just I felt a connection to him and kinda forgot myself a little I mean not everyday that you meet a man whose a genius that makes his own supersuit, happens to be the doppelganger of your huge crush and knows the pain of a villainous parent plus he’s pretty easy on the eyes” Winn said hoping that he wasn’t about to earn that punch but that maybe being a bit more honest with Mick would earn him some respect. 

“Yeah and I saw him first plus if you think he’s pretty with his clothes on then you can only imagine how good he looks without” Mick said smugly, appreciating the man before him was trying to be honest but respectful but that didn’t mean Mick couldn’t tease him and make sure he knew exactly who was dating Ray.

Winn blushed and looked at the ceiling mouthing out “I don’t need to know that” and Mick just smiled knowing that he’d suitable mocked the man and made his intention known.

“Anyway, if your crushing on the big blue so bad why don’t you make your move on him rather than eyeing up my boyfriend” Mick said watching Winn look a little defeated and maybe just maybe feeling bad for the guy, “or what about Skirt since you seem to have a fetish for cryptothingys”.

“God when you say it like that it does sound like I have a fetish. I asked Kara out already but she wants to be just friends and well Superman, just not meant to be he’s already with Lois and Mon-El had to leave earth cause its poison to him. Wow I have an awful track record, this is depressing” Winn said looking dejected.

Mick felt a little guiltier now, scaring the guy and teasing the guy were fun but depressing the hell out of him hadn’t been his goal.

“Look at it this way, we’ve got all these extra earths there’s bound to be another Super person on one of them in need of rescuing and the love of a short nerd” Mick said leaning back and wishing he’d never started this conversation. How did he go from putting the fear on the guy to being his love counsellor? 

“I can only hope” Winn said sadly.

“If a dick like me can win Haircut anything is possible, you live on a world full of aliens the right one is out there somewhere” Mick said cringing and realising Ray was rubbing off on him more and more. “You got that alien bar here, sounds like you need to get as pissed as I want to be right now”. Mick said and Winn gave a small smile pulling himself out of his little rut.

“Yeah, maybe I do deserve a bit of a night out, thanks Mick first rounds on me” Winn said happily and Mick grunted his approval.

Mick didn’t quite know what to do with himself so when Kara flew into the DEO he was both happy for the distraction but worried as his stomach dropped sensing something was wrong with Ray.

“Skirt, what happened? Is Haircut ok?” Mick demanded standing up from his chair and striding over.

“Everything’s ok Mick, really. It’s just that Ray’s having a tough time with his memories and the weight of what he’s learning and feeling. I thought it would be better if he had you by his side, he needs you Mick so I came to get you” Kara said looking at Mick kindly.

“Of course he needs me, that idiot would be in a world of trouble if I didn’t watch his back. So let’s go” Mick said determinedly before creasing his brows.

“Your gonna have to fly me aren’t you?” Mick asked a little perturbed by the thought. Flying with Ray was one thing but he wasn’t sure he fancied anyone else trying it.

“Yeah Mick, plus it’s gonna be cold so I think you might like a proper coat, though I’m glad to see you’ve ditched the bath robe” Kara said keeping her voice warm and friendly. 

This was how Mick knew Ray wasn’t ok, he must be suffering and Mick had to swallow his pride get a damn coat on and be flown to his boyfriend’s side. It was all sorted in a mere moment, Winn had called Alex who brought a coat that Mick put on, thankful that the thing was at least a dark green colour even if it looked like he was wearing a sleeping bag. The two sisters said another goodbye and Mick nodded at Winn who nodded back both men acknowledging that they were somewhat ok with each other now. Then Kara and Mick were off and Mick tried hard to squash the concern inside him that Ray was suffering and he wasn’t there to protect his lover. The journey was cold but fast and Mick was too occupied with his internal fears to hear anything Kara said or really pay attention to the scenery. Mick just wanted to make sure Ray was ok, nothing else really mattered.

Before long they were at the structure known as the Fortress of Solitude but Mick had no patience to take in its splendour as he let Kara guide him through the building to the vast cavern where Ray and Clark were sitting at a giant computer screen. The screen showed tiny blobs moving about and Ray was staring down a microscope looking like he did when he was lost in one of his science projects. Mick’s heart gave a skip as he saw that Ray appeared fine and at least no physical damage had been done. On entering the room Kara gave a loud greeting calling “we’re back” and Ray jumped and spun on the spot looking desperately for Mick and his whole body changed on seeing his boyfriend.

Mick noticed that his shoulders slumped a little as if he was carrying something heavy, that he looked both happy and sad. Ray looked so pleased to see Mick, so comforted by his arrival but at the same time like he was holding back his fears and his pain. Rays face had a wide grin as he walked towards Mick but the mask was beginning to crumble as something painful was just under the surface. Then suddenly in a blink of an eye Mick had armfuls of Ray, nearly falling backwards at the speed and strength the man had thrown himself at Mick. Then something broke and Ray started to sob, whatever he had been holding back broke free and Mick put protective arms around his boyfriend as he felt anger well up.

“What did you do to him?” Mick shouted at Clark glaring at the other man his gaze heated. 

“No, Mick nothing. Ray saw his parents but it brought back memories of the Palmer's” Kara tried to explain from by his side but Mick just held tight to the shaking body of his love ignoring her.

Ray started to calm a bit and Mick felt him start to speak against his shoulder.

“I’m ok Mick, it’s not Clark or Kara’s fault. It’s mine, I thought I could do this, I thought I could face this alone but I couldn’t. I’m not that strong” Ray said sounding defeated and Mick squeezed his boyfriend tightly.

“You’re an idiot Haircut, this isn’t about being strong who cares if you need some help. I got you ok just let me know what you need” Mick said one hand stroking the back of Rays head comforting him.

Ray lifted his head and looked at Mick, really looked at him searching his face as if one of his answers was there and then smiled, bright and beautiful and Mick would have kissed him if he wasn’t so dam confused. Ray pulled out of the embrace and wiped his face though his eyes were still red from the tears. 

“I saw my parents, they were holding young me, well young Clark but it would have been me, and they loved that baby. And well…” Ray began but Mick knew, he knew what stupid and painful thoughts would have gone through Ray’s head.

“You are loved, yeah they loved you. Your team, your friends, these weird cousins you’ve gained all love you. You deserve that, don’t let the Palmers take that, believe me I’ll make em burn before I let them ruin your ability to love yourself. Plus I love you and we’ve worked to damn hard to get to that place!” Mick said looking Ray straight in the eye and watching his boyfriend blush.

“I love you too Mick. I just got overwhelmed, the Palmer's took everything, my childhood, my memories, my flesh and blood but also my heritage and any connection I had to it. I mean I could have all this but that was stolen too” Ray said gesturing around and Mick saw so much loss and sadness in his boyfriend.

“We get it back then!” Mick said looking resolved and seeing Ray’s expression change from pain to disbelief.

“We got back your memories both the bad and the good but their yours. You can never have your childhood but I will give you a future, your flesh and blood is your own and I did it once so if we find another lab like the one from your house I will burn it down. You will be the only person to own your own body and make your own choices what you do with it. As for your heritage and this place well…”Mick explained before turning to Clark, “How did you get it?” he asked.

Ray was just blushing trying to process the various bits of information Mick had revealed. Mick was looking pointedly at Clark.

“Well my father left crystals in my pod when I came to Earth so when I was older the Kent’s gave them to me and they contained the crystal that made this place and all the data on my culture, family and history” Clark explained.

“So magic alien crystals, good I can work with that” Mick replied.

“Mick what, wait how?” Ray said confused and slightly awe struck.

“You said the Palmers stole that from you, so it’s easy we steal them back!” Mick said looking at his boyfriend and placing his hand on his cheek reassuringly.

“Mick I have no idea where they are?” Ray said looking shocked but touched.

“Well it’s a good thing you’re not alone, we have a whole team and a time ship, we’ve gone on missions with less to go on. After all this is what I do, what’s the point of having a master thief as a boyfriend if he can’t steal his love a few crystals.” Mick explained

Ray just blinked at him his big brown eye shinning with new hope and adoration and Mick felt pride well up inside. Mick was gonna make good on this when they got back to the Legends, they and Gideon were gonna track down those crystals and give Ray back everything he felt like he’d lost. 

“You really know how to make a guy feel loved Mick Rory and Thank you” Ray said leaning in and giving Mick a chaste kiss.

It took Micks willpower not to deepen the kiss but he understood this wasn’t the time, he didn’t care about the audience it was more that Ray had been on an emotional rollercoaster and probably needed the breathing space. Mick looked up to see both Clark and Kara giving them sappy looks and could tell they thought Mick was being extremely romantic. Mick thought that he’d found a good life where in a day he’d offered to burns someone’s parents to death and steal from them came across as the ultimate romantic gesture but that was just the world he was part of. Ray was looking at him with the kind of adoration that made him start to blush and he could feel the little flips in his stomach and the warmth of redness creeping up with neck.

“Ok mushy crap and grand gestures to one side. Haircut what you wanna do next, I suppose this is the part where I meet your parents?” Mick said trying to break the overwhelming sense of love before he was bright red.

“Yeah Mick I’d like that” Ray said face still close to Micks as he whispered, “Also for the record choosing what I do with my body and who owns my flesh, well, I’m open to suggestions”.

Mick cursed loudly as the words went straight through him and he felt himself get turned on. Why was it when he started to get a little embarrassed by his own shows of affection, when he felt the blush creep in and the feeling of love for Ray flutter about did Ray always know that was the time to say something dirty. Ray knew that Mick was at his weakest after being romantic and never failed to pick up on it. Mick decided that Ray’s kink was making Mick feel all loving, apparently him blushing was Ray’s turn on. Mick supposed he was going to have to live with that, not that he minded in the slightest, of course Ray’s kink would be love that was so him. He smiled to himself as Ray took his hand and they set off to another part of the Fortress.

Soon all four of them were standing in front of the vision of Jor-El and Lara holding baby Kal-El that back on their Earth would have been Ray. Mick felt Ray squeeze his hand for reassurance and he squeezed back making sure Ray knew he was there and that Ray deserved all the love he deserved. Clark and Kara stood to one side giving them some space and time to adjust before Clark said,

“Ray if you’re ready I can play the message my father left me”.

Mick felt Ray tense and he turned to look at Mick for some kind of guidance.

“You can do this Haircut, I got you” Mick said and Ray turned to Clark and replied, “Ok I think I’m ready”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't expecting the whole conversation with with, went in wih the idea of Mick teasing him out of boredom and then it kinda got serious!
> 
> I'm back to work Monday so its back to only having writing times on weekends me dears so updates will be a little slower until the next school break.


	45. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait life has been very lifey and my spare time has been eaten up. Thank god for the bank holiday weekend and some actual down time. I think i was so happy to have time off this chapter ended up super sappy and loving!

Staring at the sun  
Chapter 42

“My son. You do not remember me. I am Jor-El. I am your father. By now you will have reached your eighteenth year, as it is measured on Earth. By that reckoning, I will have been dead for many thousands of your years. The knowledge...that I have, of matters physical and historic, I have given you fully on your voyage to your new home. These are important matters, to be sure, but - still matters of mere fact. There are questions to be asked. And it is time for you to do so. Here in this...this Fortress of Solitude we shall try to find the answers together. So, my son. Speak.” Jor–El’s voice explained sounded a mixture of stern but proud, hopeful but full of wisdom and ready to share everything he was with his son.

Ray took a deep breath a million feelings spinning through his head as he closed his eyes and tried to compose himself.

“You were 18 when you first heard this, I feel like I have missed so much time” Ray said in a small voice.

“But you had your own path and look how far you’ve come, what you know already. Think about how much easier it will be to absorb this information as a man of science rather than a young adult only just on at the start of his life” Clark explained.

Ray thought for a moment knowing there was some truth to what Clark said but also couldn’t help but wonder if he’d have made even greater discoveries and feats of advancement if he’d had access to this information.

“Don’t start thinking on what might have been Haircut, you became a science nerd of your own choice, made that suit and ended up a Legend. Don’t make me say why that’s important for me or for you.” Mick said and there was warmth but a little sadness in his voice and Ray cursed himself a little.

“No Mick, No I wouldn’t change a thing, my path led me to you and the team and sorry.” Ray said but Mick just squeezed his hand.

“Don’t apologise but dwelling on the past and what ifs won’t help you move forward” Mick said.

“Yes, I have to take comfort in the fact that despite never knowing my birth parents, never knowing what they wanted for me I managed to live up to their expectations. I still became a man of science, I still helped mankind and I became a hero. Do you think they would have been proud of me?” Ray asked looking at Mick his eyes big and hopefully.  
Mick gave a grunt and an eye roll as if that was a stupid question and the answer was obvious.

“Do you need me to answer that, it’s pretty obvious they’d have been proud, not sure what your space parents would have thoughts of you dating an ex con and arsonist though, they seem a little highbrow” Mick finished at the end.

Ray could sense that Mick was feeling a little insecure about his own background and how he stood in comparison so he trained an adoring look at Mick squeezing his hand back.  
“If I love you then they would to and if they didn’t then it’s still my choice who I date, plus you’ve saved the world too so it’s not like you haven’t got hero cred” Ray said smiling at his lover.

“How rebellious of you Haircut” Mick said with a short laugh and Ray smiled feeling very much like they were in a teen romcom and knowing that Mick felt it too as a small blush of embarrassment was creeping up his neck.

“Jor-El, I mean my father sounds so dignified, so full of wisdom. I mean I’m intelligent no denying that but feel so naïve in comparison, I mean it’s no secret that I don’t always think before I act and well…” Ray began to say before Mick cut in.

“Think with your heart rather than your head. Yeah, a quality that drives me mad most of the time. So yeah maybe you got the smarts but still a little naïve but so what, your still learning and if you hadn’t been so soft on me I wouldn’t be the man I am now” Mick replied.

Both men were broken from their moment by a sigh and suddenly realised that while they’d been starting intensely into each other’s eyes and making romantic statements both Clark and Kara had been standing in the background hearing every word of it. They turned and saw the knowing smile on Clark’s face and Kara’s wistful look and both blushed.  
“Sorry guys we forgot for a moment, got a little lost in the moment in fact” Ray sputtered out.

“No don’t mind us, but its well…. you two are just so cute, no beautiful even, that was one of the most romantic things I’ve ever heard in my life.” Kara said looking like she had little tears of joy in the corners of her eyes.

“Ok no, damn it!” Mick muttered cursing a bit that he’d been so unguarded but so worried about Ray he’d put the other two out of his mind.

“Well you can just un hear it” he added knowing full well that was impossible but not finding any other words or insults to throw back so he turned away and tried to make himself look offended.

Ray smiled at Kara before asking if there was more he could hear and Clark picked up another crystal.

“This was the first real introduction I got to my heritage, my powers and my destiny. Mick was right about how proud our father would have been. You made your own destiny, sought your own power and used it to be a hero to mankind but I think you will find comfort in knowing just how much you achieved.” Clark explained putting in a crystal.

An image of space appeared, an unknown galaxy with an unknown system in it and a small planet that Ray surmised was Krypton. The Jor-El’s voice began to talk again.

“Your name is Kal-El. You are the only survivor of the planet Krypton. Even though you've been raised as a human being, you are not one of them. You have great powers, only some of which you have as yet discovered. Come with me now, my son as we break through the bonds of your earthly confinement. Travelling through time and space...”  
The images started to change as more scenes of Krypton and the galaxy Ray was from swirled in front of him.

“Your powers will far exceed those of mortal men. It is forbidden for you to interfere with human history. Rather let your leadership stir others to.

In this next year, we shall examine the human heart. It is more fragile than you know. As we pass through the flaming turmoil which is the edge of your own galaxy, we will enter the realm of the red Krypton sun, source of your strength and nourishment, cause of our eventual destruction.”

Again the image changed to show a small red dot that grew larger until it filled the area in front of Ray as his eyes grew larger with awe the sun reflected in them. Before the image went back to showing Krypton itself and its proximity to the red sun and the danger it now faces.

“The planed Krypton. My Son. Your home. As it was.”

The image changes showing the destruction of Krypton, the decimation of its surface and the loss of it architecture and people. Ray felt his heart break for his lost home as the tears started to flow. He may have no memory of the place, he had no reason to feel so broken but he felt the pain, he felt the loss of his planet, of the many people that lived there and loss that both Clark and Kara must be feeling re-watching this scene. He felt Mick move closer to him offering support and comfort and Ray felt the love he had for this man beat in his chest, filling the void of loss and keeping him from succumbing to the pain. 

“So much was lost” Ray said at barely a whisper. 

“Yes but there is so much to find, especially for you Ray Palmer.” Clark’s voice came strong and steady as if he’d made peace with this and he wanted to share the wisdom he found in that peace with Ray.

Ray realised just how much Clark sounded like his father, that the things he’d been through had made him wise. Clark had faced all this already and come out stronger, learning about his past and his heritage had made him wiser and more tethered, he had a quiet more subtle strength about him that Ray knew he was missing but was grateful that Clark was willing to teach him this too. Ray was going to learn about the things he was missing, not just knowledge of his people but how wisdom comes to those that wish to grow and learn from the tragedies of their past. Ray wanted this too, not only for his own growth but to make sure he didn’t keep getting himself into trouble and making Mick worry. Clark had been able to keep his noble heart, his desire to protect at any cost and to hold up the value of each life. Clark was able to do this but with a clear head and without rash decisions. 

Ray felt the strength from this knowledge and knew without a doubt that no matter the pain and sorrow he was going to be ok and better yet he and Mick were gonna be ok. The image began to swirl with strange lights and Ray heard Mick mutter, “Feels like I’m on that damn boat with the crazy chocolate man in that tunnel, I’ll need a beer after this”. Ray smirked at the knowledge that Mick had seen Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory before Jor-El’s voice continued,

“This year, we shall examine the various concepts of immortality. And their basis in actual fact. The total accumulation of all knowledge spanning the 28 known galaxies is embedded in the crystals which I have sent along with you. Study them well, my son. Learn from them.  
(We have reasoned out logical judgments...)  
By the time we return to the confines of your galaxy, twelve of your years will have passed.  
(For this reason among others, I have chosen Earth for you.)  
It is now time for you to re-join your new world, and serve as collective humanity. Live as one of them, Kal-El, to discover where your strength and your powers are needed. Always hold in your heart the pride of your special heritage. They can be a great people, Kal-El, they wish to be. They only lack the light to show the way. For this reason above all, their capacity for good, I have sent them you...  
My only son.”

The images all dissolved until the proud face of Jor-El looked down on Ray.

Ray didn’t know what to do with himself, part of him felt like all his deeds up to this point were being judged, he was being weighed and measured to see if he had lived up to his father’s expectations. He was expected to be a beacon of hope, could he claim he had achieved this. He then felt the presence of both Clark and Kara who walked up to stand beside him, Clark put a comforting hand on his shoulder and Kara looked at him with pride. He felt their respect and understanding and the knowledge washed over him that these people even though he’d only just started getting to know them already thought he had indeed lived up to his destiny. They both believed in him and that he had done Jor-El proud.

“How can you have so much faith in me, we’ve only just met?” Ray asked voice a little broken from emotion.

“Because we know just how much you’ve been through and you still devoted your life to science and knowledge and used that to become a hero. How much more proof do you need.” Clark said with confidence.

“But I’m not a beacon of hope to humanity, I didn’t help guide mankind or make them better” Ray said still feeling a little overwhelmed and like he wasn’t worthy of this praise or the pride in both Clark and Jor-El’s voices as they had spoken.

“No, but you are the light to one man, you gave him hope and guided him onto a better path. Isn’t that right Mick?” Kara asked before turning her attention to Mick who looked uncomfortable being described this way.

“Leave me out of this” Mick grumbled trying not to make eye contact with any of them.

Mick stared determinedly at the floor before replying,

“Look Haircut, you’ve saved many people, seen the good in many people and kept the world and time itself safe so cut yourself some slack”.

Ray smiled before asking in a far too teasing a voice,

“So am I the light of your life Mick, did I guide you from the shadows?”

Mick lifted his head and glared at his boyfriend ready with a cutting remark or to at least deny everything but it melted away on seeing Rays face. There were tear tracks on his cheeks and his eyes were red, Mick saw that he had that twinkle of hope in his eyes along with the wonder and adoration that made his heart skip a beat. Damn this beautiful and infuriating man. 

“Just shut up Haircut” Mick said but he smirked at the man before him.

Ray smiled before turning to Clark and saying, “I think I need some time to digest”.

“Of course, we should eat, get some down time and when you’re ready we can look at whatever else you want on the crystals” Clark replied and before Ray could reply Mick answered with a “No!”

All three Kryptonians turned to look at Mick confusion in their faces. Mick didn’t know quite how to explain his outburst but he knew for sure he didn’t want Ray seeing any more of these crystals. Mick knew it was part jealousy that Clark was getting to show Ray all the answers he sought but there was something else, something seemed wrong about Ray watching Clark’s crystals.

“Look I get that you two want to help Haircut, and this will give him loads of answers but…” Mick trailed off and then looked at Ray.

“These aren’t your crystals, I think, I want…” Mick knew what he was trying to get at, he wanted the words to come easier. He’d already said he’d go steal back Ray’s crystals, he wanted Ray to watch those. Mick wanted to be the one that gave Ray back his heritage and hope and answers, he wanted to do that for his boyfriend. But most of all he thought that proper closure would come more from Ray having his own crystals and not sharing them with Clark.

“I want you to see your own crystals, hear your space dad and hold your own past in your hands” Mick said in a small voice trying hard to not sound romantic as he was sick of the adoring looks Kara was giving him.

“I said I’d steal them for you. I think it’s important for you…..” Mick was struggling.

“For Ray to hold his own set of crystals, for them to be truly his, for him to find his own Fortress of Solitude and not have to share.” Clarks offered again looking knowingly at Mick.

Realisation dawned on Ray and before Mick could protest Ray had pulled him into a tight hug.

“Your right Mick, why are you always so smart? Thank you!” Ray said and Mick patted Ray on the back but at the same time enjoying the smell of Ray’s hair and closeness of his body. 

“Somebody has to be the brains in this relationship” Mick said with a smirk as Ray pulled back and Mick decided, what the hell and gave the man a quick peck. Ray blushed and Mick enjoyed seeing the coy expression on his lovers face grateful that for once there was no sadness, pain or insecurity there.

“Ok guys, how about me and Kara go get us some food, you two can just relax a bit, there is a lovely stroll through the atrium or the trophy room, it’s like museum in there, give you some time to collect your thoughts” Clark said beaming at the two mean.

Ray looked overjoyed and excited and Mick just rolled his eyes looking annoyed that Clark had brought up that there was a museum here. Now he had to go take Ray on a ‘romantic’ walk through some relics.

“I think just maybe an area we can sit in without distractions, you have a mess hall or a sitting room or just a hangout room” Ray said smirking at the relief that washed over Micks face.

“Sure, I’ll take you to the dining room and you can relax until we get back, but if you do want to explore you really must check out the zoo” Clark said and Ray felt his curiosity go through the roof.

“After we eat I definitely want the full tour” Ray exclaimed as they were lead to an area they could relax in.

Ray still had so much to understand, to know and to come to terms with but he also knew the importance of making sure Mick didn’t feel like he was being left behind or forgotten. There was so much to learn but Ray suddenly thought about Jor-El, his father saying for him to be a light and that while he hadn’t become the beacon of hope to all humanity he had become a beacon for Mick. He was Micks anchor as much as Mick was his, that the two of them had been helping to fight back each other darkness and saved each other more times than they could count. Maybe he didn’t have to be a hero to the whole world, maybe his destiny was different, if he could protect the life of the person he loved that had meaning and purpose. It wasn’t like they didn’t save the world and hadn’t protected everyone and time itself. 

They were soon alone in a very cosy and human looking room but before Ray could say anything Mick spoke first. 

“You did chase the shadows away, you know that right?”

Ray just stared at Mick before smiling and replying, “I think I’m beginning to understand that but it goes both ways. I wouldn’t be here without you. Thank you Mick, for being patient, for doing this, being here with me and most of all for wanting to help steal back my heritage.” 

“Don’t start getting all mushy, stealing is my thing” Mick said before a more serious look settled on his face.

“We’ll get them back Haircut, your crystals. I will make sure you have everything you ever want and need!” Mick said.

Ray didn’t really need to answer that, instead he stepped forward placing a hand on Micks chest before closing the distance between then. As their lips touched Ray thought, “Me too Mick, me too!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am very aware that I stole the speech by Marlon Brando from superman but it's just such a good speech and it said what I wanted and felt so right.


	46. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again sorry for long break life is tough at the mo and brain hasn't been in a writing head-space. Will try to get a bit more done over the haf term. Its just so good to be off work and actually think and create again!

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 43

Mick ran his fingers through Ray’s hair as he sat on the sofa the other man lying down, his head on Micks lap. They’d kissed for a bit before moving to the sofa but it was clear that the day had taken an emotional toll on Ray and he needed to relax and just re centre himself. Soon Ray was snoozing on Micks lap only just about fitting on the sofa, his long legs meant his feet hung off the edge and Mick smirked at yet again more proof that his boyfriend was definitely one of those big dogs that thought he was a lap dog. The sofa itself wasn’t that comfortable so Ray really must be tired to have drifted off so easily on it, no the thing was far too modern, too firm with sharp angles and Mick would have liked to be back on the wave rider with its comfy leather armchairs. He didn’t have much to look at in this room, like much of the Fortress the walls were white and reflected blue lighting or grey shadows. It felt like a cold and lonely place to him but then again it was called the Fortress of Solitude so its look fit the name.

He didn’t really want Ray to spend much more time here, Ray was all warmth and sunshine and loneliness and isolation were things Mick would rather his boyfriend didn’t dwell on. He got the importance of this journey and would never deny Ray the right to learn about his heritage but he wanted Ray to find his own answers, on their earth with Ray’s crystals. This was but a pit stock on their journey and it was time to move on. But alas they seemed to be stuck here, Ray would eventually wake up and hopefully feeling a little more refreshed but they were waiting for the Krypto cousins to return with their food and damn it if Mick wasn’t starving. He was pretty sure that with their super speed and flying they’d be back by now and didn’t want to think about the idea that something had happened.

Knowing his and Ray’s luck though they were due another disaster, another problem to solve or threat to their journey. Mick was convinced that they were destined to be plagued by setbacks and he hoped that rather than another villain popping up the two heroes were just busy rescuing a bus load of school kids or something equally heroic and clichéd. He went back to stroking Ray’s head and enjoying softness of the man’s hair, Ray’s hair was always one of his favourite things about the man. He was grateful that he got to have these private moments when he could just enjoy something that once upon a time he would have denied he wanted to do and would have reprimanded himself for such a tender gesture. Mick was glad he was over that nonsense, so what if he wanted to run his hands through his boyfriends hair doesn’t take away any of his street cred especially in a moment like this when there was no one to witness his softer side. Ray had good hair, hence the nick name and Mick had boyfriend privilege now so he was going to use it.

That being said he felt Ray stir and saw the man open his eyes a soft smile on his lips and a bit of his old default setting came back as he stopped his ministrations.

“You don’t have to stop now that I’m awake. I won’t tell anyone.” Ray said voice a little sleepy but warm with humour and light teasing.

Mick gave Ray a small tap on the side of his face for being cheeky and Ray was about to be offended when Mick went back to stroking his hair.

“I know that Haircut just don’t expect me to always stock you off to sleep” Mick replied.

“Is that a proposition?” Ray said smirking some more and then rolling onto his back to look up at Mick.

“You know what I mean Haircut get your brain out the gutter” Mick said but he smirked back.

“Another time then.” Ray answered before adding, “How long was I asleep are Kara and Clark back yet?”

“Not long Haircut an hour maybe, but no team super aren’t back and I am beginning to get impatient, they promised food” Mick replied making sure he looked disappointed at the lack of food.

Ray sat up slowly stretching his body and raising his arms above his head as Mick admired his boyfriend. A small patch of smooth stomach was revealed and Micks eyes drifted from that up Ray’s torso and along his long arms, yep his boyfriend was undeniable well formed. When Ray finished his stretch he opened his eyes to Mick unashamable staring at him.

“Now whose mind is in the gutter” Ray said.

“You wish Haircut, can’t a man admire his boyfriend without it being anything to do with getting in said boyfriends pants” Mick replied.

“Oh so you don’t want to get in my pants” Ray said with a quipped eyebrow but a growling stomach gave away the fact that he too was hungry.

“Maybe if this wasn’t the world’s most uncomfortable sofa and we both weren’t starving, come on there has to be some food stashed somewhere in their bloody ice palace” Mick said getting up off the sofa and offering Ray a hand.

Once Ray was standing they went about checking the cupboards for something to eat and Mick prepared himself for the inevitable conversation Ray was about to start.

“Mick you don’t think something happened to them, I mean they have been gone a while just to get food” Ray asked concern in his voice as he half-heartedly opened empty draws.

“I think if they did it’s probably routine, like a cat stuck in a tree so don’t worry, once their done doing the hero bit they’ll be back” Mick said trying to sound nonchalant so Ray wouldn’t worry.

“Your probably right it’s not like they can’t handle themselves and this is their earth they would know how best to solve anything that came up. Just wish they’d contact us or something let us know their ok.” Ray replied but was still not looking convinced. 

“Come on there is no food here we’ll have to look somewhere else” Mick said leading out the room and hoping he’d find something to distract Ray from worrying. “Haircut there’s nothing we can do for the time being, those guys can take care of themselves and you’ve been through enough, they’d be happier your safe and not putting yourself in any more danger”.

“You mean you’d prefer I didn’t put myself in anymore danger?” Ray said but it wasn’t accusing, anyone else may have made it sound like that but not Ray Palmer he knew Mick, he knew when he was masking concern or feeling embarrassed that he was worried.

“I didn’t mean it to sound, damn it, you know what I mean” Mick grumbled.

“Yeah Mick I do and thanks for, well thanks for caring” Ray said as Mick grumbled back “that’s kinda my job, Haircut”.

“Mick I know your right, I know they have it covered if something is going down, and that I shouldn’t push myself or throw myself into anymore danger but I can’t help it, if they are in trouble I want to help I just..” Ray said.

“Care too much, that big soft heart of yours. I know full well Haircut, that heart is big enough to give a damn about everyone you met and yet love me so of course your gonna try and save as many people as you can, put yourself at risk and make me worry” Mick added.

“I’m sorry Mick, I can’t help it. I love you and I don’t mean to make you worry, I just act first and it’s gonna take a bit of getting used to that I need to take your feelings into account. I’m an idiot aren’t I?” Ray said looking guilty.

“Don’t’ apologise, I knew what I was getting into when I fell for an eagle scout with a heart of gold so yeah if we haven’t heard from them in 20 minutes lets go find out what’s happened and hopefully get some food” Mick said trying to put the emphasis on wanting food and not that he was being supportive of his heroic boyfriends desire to make sure everyone was ok.

“It’s a deal Mick. I really love you!” Ray said and it was so open and honest, just a pure declaration of love that Mick blushed and couldn’t quite compose himself.

“I know Haircut, so stop looking at me like that, you got 20 minutes to try and find me something to eat” Mick stammered out as he strode past his smiling boyfriend.

“I love you even more when you quote Star Wars” Ray said joy in his voice as he followed Mick who was trying to keep from turning more shades of red.

“That was unintentional stop being a nerd” Mick said as if it would somehow diffuse the warm feeling in the pit of his stomach.

“You love it when I am being a nerd, you think science is sexy admit it Mick” Ray chirped alongside Mick.

“Ok actually I do think you’re an idiot” Mick retorted.

“Oh so if I’m the idiot why are you dating me” Ray continued his chipper.

“Because you have a great arse!” Mick said trying to win back some ground.

“So is that why you always have my back, you’ve been protecting my best ass-set” Ray said giggling a bit at his own pun.

“I swear Haircut you may be hot but sometimes you talk too much, no scrap that you always talk too much, it spoils the image” Mick said grinning a little too as he watched Ray mock pout.

“You don’t mean that Mick besides maybe if you talked more your sex appeal would go up” Ray retorted.

“Ha, you wouldn’t be able to handle that Haircut, now why would I want to spoil an already perfect image I’m not a moron” Mick quipped.

“I don’t know you just admitted your dating an idiot only a moron would do that wouldn’t you say.” Ray said back smirking a little.

“Ok so maybe were both stupid” Mick admitted letting Ray have this as he was enjoying seeing his boyfriend so light and happy and didn’t want to break the mood they had set.   
Ray was looking pleased with himself as Mick watched the gears turn in that clever mind to try and think of a retort to Micks. Then Ray suddenly stopped his eyes growing wide as he grabbed Micks hand. Mick felt there was a jolt of panic there before it turned to curiosity as Mick followed Ray’s eye line to see a T-rex.

“I don’t think its real Haircut, just a statue” Mick said placing another hand over Rays as he loosened his grip.

Mick knew well that Ray had had more than one encounter with this particular creature and if it had not been for his own timely arrival at least one of those encounters would not have gone well.

“Yeah sorry, was taken by surprise for a moment then, brings back memories, fun times” Ray said trying to sound less bothered by the sudden appearance of the dinosaur statue.

“Yeah I remember toasting one cause it was about to eat an idiot who was gonna fight it with a stick. I’d admire the fools courage if I wasn’t worried my future boyfriend was about to be dino chow” Mick said making sure Ray knew there was no shame in getting spooked by the thing and that he was allowed to be traumatised by what had happened to him.

“Thanks Mick” Ray said a little more composure in his voice. 

“What happened to you back then wasn’t right Haircut, no one took it seriously, and no one tried to make sure you weren’t traumatised by the isolation and fight for survival. I wasn’t much better, I knew and yet was too scared of my own damn feelings to make sure you were ok, I was a coward. When you were brave enough to fight that thing with a stick I was too embarrassed by how hot I thought that was to go and check up on you. I was the idiot then Haircut” Mick said guilt in his voice.

“It’s ok Mick, that’s the past I moved on, I put those traumas behind me. The fact remains that I was moved enough, that I realised that there was something between us because out of every one of us, you come to find me first. Whether you realised it or not, you choose me, you came for me, you saved me and that was enough of a spark. So thank you Mick.” Ray said earnestly and Mick again couldn’t find the words so he just took Rays hand in his and squeezed it. 

Sensing the moment had played out Ray the pointed to just beyond the T-Rex and Mick followed again.

“Mick I think that’s Clarks Zoo, I mean look I think I see something very alien…” Ray started to explain as Mick gave his hand another squeeze and not letting go pulled Ray forward.

“Come on then let’s go take a walk through this zoo. This doesn’t count as a date, do not tell anyone that we wet strolling like some love sick couple through a zoo, this isn’t a romantic walk ok Haircut! This is us going to look at some weird aliens.” Mick said but he kept hold of Rays hand as they walked into the menagerie and Ray had the good judgement to keep quiet even with the happy knowing smile on his face.

They lost track of time walking through the menagerie, Ray bounding about like an excited child on a school trip an endless stretch of theories on what the biological makeup of the creatures and plants could be. Mick had no idea what the hell Ray was talking about but just nodded along, he didn’t really care what the dna was of some angry looking flower that could have been the goth cousin of that flesh eating plant from Little Shop of Horrors. He made a mental note for that film to go on the next time he had a movie night and smiled now realising he had an excuse to watch musicals since his boyfriend shared that interest. When it came to most of the creatures he had to admit they were pretty cool, it wasn’t every day you got to see aliens, well ok for the Legends it was more likely but he’d had his share of angry mind control aliens with a desire for world domination. Every time they found something that looked mean or angry his interest perked up and he particularly liked what looked like a metallic boar, that thing would probably be able to run straight through a concrete wall, would make one hell of a distraction during a heist.

Most of all they were both just happy, the rest of the world and all their problems were far behind them. They could just be in the moment enjoying this non date that was not romantic and lovely dovey. So what if the various lights from the habitats bathed Ray in various attractive glows, so what if Ray’s eyes sparkled with curiosity and wonder making him practically radiate intelligence and so what if the genuine truly brilliant smile on Ray’s face may have been the most beautiful thing Mick had ever seen. Nope Mick was having none of those thoughts he just wanted to grab his man and kiss him hard, bathe in the exotic colours, high on the excitement of everything they had seen and full of energy. Ray when he wasn’t hopping with excitement would run back and grab Micks hand pulling him to look at something else he had found and Mick was happy to just go with it.

They were looking into some enclosure that neither of them could spot whatever creature that was supposed to be living inside but they could see clearly the floor covered in glowing blue flowers. The flowers gave off a light that shone with hues of electric blue and light purple that reflected off everything. Ray started to explain about bioluminescence as Mick turned to listen to the latest stream of science babble only to suddenly be awe struck. The purples and blues dancing across Ray’s feature was pretty breath taking, light purple highlighted his cheek bones and then his lips as electric blue reflected back from Rays eyes, he looked like he was bathed in the light of a blue flames and he spoke with a burning passion as Ray said how beautiful the flowers were.

“Your beautiful” Mick said back before he could stop himself or really register what he was saying but for once didn’t blush with embarrassment because it was true, Ray looked beautiful.

Ray turned to look at Mick the colours changing over his features, the flecks of blue in his hair and now purple reflecting in his eyes and Mick could feel the heat in his face.

“Ok Haircut hit me with your cheesiest reply” Mick said waiting to hear something similar in return but instead he saw Ray’s eyes tear up the lights sparkling at the corner of his eyes and then an electric blue tear ran down his cheek.

Mick looked panicked not sure he knew what to say and never thinking his unrestrained compliment would cause Ray to cry.

“Sorry Mick, I don’t know why it’s just…I don’t remember the last time I felt beautiful, or handsome or even very attractive. I’ve been seeing myself through the eyes of child me, I’ve seen myself cut, burnt and bleeding so often and then I see myself bandaged or bruised or not even the face I remember. What you said was so honest and I forgot that you get to see me whole and attractive rather than peeled back and scarred.” Ray said voice a little shaky with emotion.

“Your never not gonna be attractive to me Haircut you got that” Mick said looking at Ray and trying to keep a little anger out of his voice knowing well that this was the fault of the Palmers and how dare they ever make Ray feel ugly or imperfect.

“You’ve never once thought my scars are ugly and it doesn’t matter if yours are outside or in, you’re perfect and I will make sure I never let you forget that. You Ray Palmer are handsome and beautiful, our flaws make us who we are, you saw past mine even helped me come to terms with some and allowed me to keep others. Being perfect doesn’t make you flawless but right now it’s pretty damn hard trying to spot anything close to a flaw.” Mick said looking at Ray with pride.

Of course that was the moment the alarms rang out, the moment killed and both men were broken out of their perfect bubble. Mick swore and Ray looked around in concern. It sounded like the alarms was coming from the main area and both men knew they should probably head there and see what was going on. Mick cursed some more as he watched worry and fear etch their way back onto Rays face as they made their way back to where the monitors were and to find out what event was unfolding and what emergency they were going to have to throw themselves into.


	47. Chapter 44

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 44

Ray palmer was feeling loved, loved in a way he had never had before or thought possible. If someone had told him a few years ago that he was going to fall madly in love with Mick Rory and that in turn one criminal arsonist would be the most understanding, supportive and loving man he’d ever met he’d have thought the end times may have been coming. Now everything felt bright and beautiful, though that may have been helped by the dancing colours of electric blue and purple. But the fact remained that Ray was deeply in love and if the sincere and unguarded look on Mick’s face was any indication this love was returned. How could he be so lucky, with everything that was haunting him and all those memories trying to erode his confidence how could he stand there and feel like the most perfect and unflawed man in the world? He’d felt ugly and uncertain, he remembered the lack of love from his parents so clearly and the scars on his soul and psyche and in this moment that didn’t matter, they could scream at him all they wanted, they could try and poison this moment with negativity but Ray ignored them. He was happy, he was whole and he didn’t need to dwell on the horrible truths of the past because his future looks pure and near blinding with possibility.

Then the magic spell was broken as alarms started to ring out and suddenly Ray felt panic rise and fear, something bad must be happening. Of course when he felt so elated something bad had to happen and that pang of guilt tugged hard at him saying “while you’re having romantic strolls someone is in trouble, you should have been checking on Clark and Kara and now see what being selfish gets you!”. Ray hated the voice but also knew it was right as he turned and started to run towards the sound of alarms, he could tell where they were loudest as he ran towards the main cavern where Clark’s computer was. Upon arrival he saw the buttons flashing and instinct took over as he pressed them trying to work out who was trying to contact them and what the emergency was. He felt Micks quiet presence beside him but felt too guilty to look at the man, it was because they’d been off in their own little world that they’d been side tracked from checking up on his other world cousins and he didn’t want to reward that behaviour by looking at Mick and getting comfort and support back. Soon the monitor flashed on and the relieved face of Winn appeared before them.

“Thank god, we didn’t know if we’d made the connection or if you’d know how to reply” Came Winn's grateful but worried voice.

“What’s up, what’s the emergency?” Ray replied masking his guilt with concern and confidence.

“I’m so sorry to bring you into this but we need your help, both of you. You guys have particular skill sets and I know you’ve been through a lot but Kara has been taken and we need you.” Winn said his own guilt in his voice but also concern for his friend and sincere need for their help.

Rays eyes widened and he felt a twist in his gut, he dared get lost in romantic idiocy when Kara was in trouble. How selfish had he been and now this, he kicked himself mentally then felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Don’t Haircut” Was all Mick said as if the man could tell Ray was blaming himself.

“Where’s Skirts brother, what happened to him?” Mick asked a little tension in his voice. Ray wondered if he was angry at him for feeling guilty, at Winn for interrupting their moment, Kara for being captured or Clark for not protecting her.

“Well their cousins not brother and sister but Superman has his hands full at the moment fighting Cadmus agents in some upgraded variation of the Lexosuits” Winn started to explain.

For a moment one word ran familiar, somewhere deep in Ray’s memories he could swear he’d heard the word Cadmus before but before he could focus on it and work out why Mick spoke. 

“You know damn well that none of that makes any sense to us!” Mick growled out looking stern his hand still placed reassuringly on Rays should. Ray wanted to ask his own question when he saw J’onn appear on screen his own voice uttering a stern, “Agent Schott!”

“Ray, Mick I am sorry about this. In a time when you needed help and came to us we need to ask you put that to one side. I know it’s not fair to bring you into this conflict and we will explain everything at the DEO but please come quickly” J’onn asked his voice even and determined like all good leaders. 

“We will leave immediately, you’ve done so much for us there is no way we wouldn’t return the favour or be willing to join your battles.” Ray said and nodded at J’onn before logging off the screen and heading to the exit.

He walked in silent determination not daring to say anything to Mick who he could tell was angry but didn’t want to see disappointment on the man he loves face. At the door he pushed it open stepping into the cold world and waited for Mick to follow. He went through the motions of locking the door with the key as the last thing he wanted was to leave Superman’s treasured base unlocked. He then set himself ready for Mick to complain.

“Haircut, we owe them I get that. Plus like I’d ever run from a fight so stop being so frosty.” Mick said and his voice was far less judgmental than Ray was expecting.  
Ray relaxed a little and turned to his boyfriend a small smile on his face to thank Mick for understanding.

“We’ve got to go help them, we have to save Kara” Ray said concern and guilt mixing in his gut.

“Yep, Skirt got herself into trouble and apparently were the only ones that can help so come on flyboy get yer arms round me and lets go save the day” Mick said standing there with his arms out as if he was frozen mid star jump.

Ray couldn’t help but let out a small laugh as his boyfriend looked cute but a little stupid just standing there waiting to be picked up and flown back to the DEO but Ray appreciated that Mick was making this easy and guilt free.

“Oh and Haircut no more guilt, ain’t your fault the supers got into trouble” Mick said as if that was the last he was going to say about the whole thing.

Ray smiled and quickly stood behind Mick arms going round his torso as Mick put his arms back by his sides and then in a blink they were off. Ray was sure for a moment he heard Mick give a yell and he felt Mick put his hands over Rays and hold on a little tighter than usual. Ray didn’t normally fly this fast but it was an emergency and he pushed himself to get back to the DEO quickly. It felt like hours with the worry worming its way through him but was probably far less time than what he felt and soon he was landing through the window and setting both himself and Mick down. He released Mick slowly but kept his hands on the man’s waist as he felt Mick be a bit unsteady. Once Mick felt like he wasn’t about to fall sideways he let go.

Ray noticed the relieved looks of the DEO staff as Alex ran to greet them.

“I’m so glad you’re here, thank you, you have no idea how much we appreciate this” Alex said before giving Mick a quizzical look as he held onto a railing trying to catch his breath.

Ray looked at his slightly pale boyfriend before saying, “I think I overdid the speeding to get here, um Mick are you…”

“Fine Haircut, I’m all for intense but….just get me a beer” Mick said who looked a little green but nobody wanted to question the man.

Alex walked back to the centre of the room where J’onn and Winn were looking at what appeared to be blue prints. Ray had one eye on them and one eye on Mick who threw himself into a chair and looked so much happier to not be upright as a nervous looking employee came over with a beer. She looked at Alex first who nodded before placing it down on the table and moving away. Mick grabbed the offered beer practically downing it in one and replied “better” before sitting up and taking note of the blue prints.

“So what we got, you planning a heist” Mick said sounding better.

“Well kinda” replied Winn and Mick suddenly got a lot more invested.

“Ok here are the details. Cadmus has clearly been hard at work, not only have they made modifications to their own agents, but they have Metallo back in action as well as the Lexosuit. To fill you in Cadmus is an anti-alien organisation that want to wipe out alien refugees on earth, it’s spearheaded by Lillian Luthor and yes she is Lex’s mother. This means while our Lex is in prison all his tech has fallen into Cadmus control including the Lexosuit he built to defeat Superman. Currently Superman is fighting off the Lexosuit and has his hands pretty full, as more Cadmus agents arrive with their own upgraded armour I am going to re-join him. Unfortunately Supergirl went up against an upgraded Metallo as well as said Cadmus agents and was captured. Metallo is formally a hitman called John Corban who Cadmus turned into a kryptonite powered cyborg, its unknown where he is now after taking Supergirl in, he may be acting as a guard or may be heading back to the fight. As you can see we have our hands full dealing with these threats” J’onn explained.  
“So how exactly does our skill sets help in this robot brawl and where’s the part about a heist” Mick said finishing the remainder of his beer and looking about hopefully. Alex gave a small nod and the nervous employee from before came over with a fresh one.

Ray wanted to know how they fit into all this and while he wouldn’t admit it wasn’t sure he was ready to take on emeries that sounded like they were designed specifically to take out Kryptonians. Plus Ray still couldn’t shake the knowledge that he’d heard of Cadmus.

“Team rescue Supergirl” Came Winn’s chipper voice as everyone turned to look at him.

“What agent Schott means is that we need you to mount the rescue op for Supergirl while I and Superman take down the current threats. Agent Danvers has all the details and I again I thank you but for now I will leave you in my agents hands as I must return to the fight, something tells me I am needed there immediately.” J’onn explains before morphing into his Green Martian form and heading to the window to return to his fight.

“Ok this is the plan and where we need you” Alex said and Ray could hear worry in her voice knowing her sister was in danger and Alex couldn’t do anything to help her at this moment.

“The only Intel we have is Supergirl’s location, her tracker went dead in this area and detailed scans showed an underground base.” Alex said gesturing at a map on a nearby screen.

“Cadmus were so focused on planning their offence that they let some of the defence slip. They’ve used an old base that we had blue prints of but they thought by keeping J’onn and Superman busy or worse defeating and bringing them in that there would be no one to mount a rescue even if we wanted to” Winn explained.

“They have no idea about us and therefore won’t be expecting our rescue mission” Ray said feeling a bit more confident.

“Exactly, they know about human agents like myself and even with my skills I can’t get into an underground base where the infiltration points are water pipes and pipes for air.” Alex explained and Ray started to get it.

“Infiltration points far too small for any human” Winn said knowingly and Ray smiled.

“Unless you happen to be able to shrink to the kind of size that could get through those points” Ray said knowingly, seeing the plan uphold in front of him.

“Let me guess while we play Honey I shrunk your boyfriend you need a master thief to pin point best ways in and out and how to bypass security systems” Mick said looking pretty relaxed.

“Exactly, I know Ray can not only shrink himself but others but once inside any communication with the outside will be cut and we’ll need someone to get us past any security locks we come across and be able to plan an escape route under pressure.” Alex replied looking at Mick with confidence.

“So you coming to GI Jane?” Mick asked.

“They have my sister you just try and stop me from coming” Alex said back matching Micks smile knowing full well he wasn’t about to try.

“Ok give me a bit of time to find the best entry point, I need as much info on this base and then we can go steal your sister back” Mick answered looking focused as Winn passed him a tablet and started to go over the blue print.

“Oh Ray I hope you don’t mind, I mean I hope it isn’t an invasion of privacy but I did some repairs on your suit. I didn’t do any upgrades though I thought of a few and maybe after this we could work on them together share some ideas and…” Winn stopped talking when heard the low growl beside him and the forming death glare being trained on him.

“I mean I’m sure you’d want to help out Mick and I want to help Ray out in a totally professional way and get the Atom Suit more in line with new skill set” Winn said trying to make sure he wasn’t sounding too much like he was gushing over Ray or wanting to work with him more closely. Winn was very aware that Mick was one super jealous and very scary boyfriend and his little crush was totally going nowhere but that didn’t stop the fact that he wanted in on the Atom suit upgrades badly.

Ray smiled, “Thanks Winn, it wasn’t in great condition and I’ve been too distracted to give it the love it deserves. After this upgrades sound good, I like a good collaboration, can’t wait to see what we come up with. Gonna go get my suit on now look forward to seeing what your touch has done for it.” Ray finished with a friendly smile before heading towards where his suit was being held.

If Ray had realised what his words sounded like he didn’t seem to notice and Winn thought the man most likely had no clue. Unfortunately Mick was more observant and Winn felt the heat of anger off the other man.

“I promise Mick, I’m not putting the moves on Ray. I just want to work on the Atom suit…please don’t kill me!” Winn said.

“Yeah well if I hear anything about ‘your touch’ I won’t make any promises” Mick said low but turned back to planning their infiltration route and Winn let out a breath he hadn’t noticed he was holding.

Alex smirked at him before heading to catch up with Ray who was only a little way down the corridor looking thoughtful as he walked.

“Ray” she called as the man slowed down for her. “Wanted to ask, just because this is gonna be a new experience for me but are there any side effects to being shrunk I should know about?” Alex asked and Ray smiled though there was a level of uncertainty in his eyes and she felt it wasn’t related to shrinking her.

“Nope it’s really easy and nothing to worry about” Ray beamed at her.

“So what’s worrying you then?” Alex asked her intuition telling her he had something on his mind.

“No I’m fine, Mick is gonna get us in and out, got you watching our backs and I will do everything I can to get Kara out of danger” Ray replied.

“And yet something has you worried” Alex continued and watched as the conflict of whether to tell Alex this something played out on Ray’s features.

“It’s just I can’t shake the knowledge that I’m forgetting something, yeah I know that sounds stupid coming from me, remembering hasn’t been my strong point for a while” Ray said cheerfully but Alex could feel the self-loathing and frustration in his voice.

Alex knew this was the kind of self-deprecating humour that would have made Mick mad and that he’d hate knowing Ray was talking about himself as if he was some broken fool.  
“Ray if something isn’t feeling right, if your gut is trying to tell you something then please share it with me. I’m worried about Kara too and know that without you and Mick I’d be at a loss right now so please let me help you out, nothing you say could sound stupid” Alex said reassuringly and Ray looked at her fondly.

“Sorry there is still so much I don’t remember and it frustrates me to the point where I just get angry at myself. Nothing is telling me to be worried about this rescue mission, if anything it may jog a memory that’s gnawing at me. But you don’t have to worry let’s just focus on finding Kara and then taking down the bad guys” Ray said with a smile and Alex knew it was time to leave it, Ray was clearly trying to unfold a memory and sometimes time was the only thing that could help.

She nodded at him and headed off to the armoury wondering which weapons to take and if they could be shrunk down too. She was happy to take most of the weapons in the armoury with her if they were all the size of peas.

Ray headed to his suit deciding that whatever he couldn’t remember had to wait, he didn’t want it to distract from the main goal or cause people concern. He entered the room and took in the patched up Atom Suit, true to Winn’s words it was mostly cosmetic ad getting it fighting fit. Ray knew there’d be time to work on it fully and was glad for the help. He then hoped that his eagerness to work with a fellow scientist and engineer didn’t make Mick jealous. Mick wasn’t fond of the way like-minded and skilled people formed bonds with Ray. After Lex maybe Ray should make sure he didn’t accidently come off as flirty or too charming with another genius inventor or there was a high chance Winn was gonna get the brunt of Micks jealousy. 

Well no time to worry about that, he had a mission and what made it more important for him was that The Atom had a mission. They didn’t need him because he too was Kryptonian, they didn’t need his power they needed him. They needed Ray Palmer the scientist and the amazing tech he built, they needed his invention, his suit and the skills he had worked so hard to achieve himself. A feeling of pride filled him, he was valid as The Atom and no matter what other power and knowledge he had and would gain he was already a hero.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this isn't coming out as regularly as I'd like writing time isn't as often but I still have lost planned for this fic and lots of love to give it, it just may take some time!


	48. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for long absence, life happened. Between etting a kitten and getting a publisher for a novel I wrote my spare time got eaten up. But I'm back and ready to write as I miss this story muchly!

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 45

Mick wasn’t sure how he felt about suddenly being a few inches tall as he soon realised he’d seen Ray shrink countless times, hell he’d carried the man around in this form but hadn’t thought much about what the world looked like from this angle. It wasn’t like the shrinking process had been bad or uncomfortable that had been easy, almost too easy but now the world looked so big and he was used to seeing everything from his own point of view. He felt he had a new found respect for Ray, especially now he imagined what it may have been like meeting Axel for the first time. Mick also thought about how much of an advantage he and Len would have had in their thieving days if they had this tech or in a different life would he have convinced Ray to join their team, become a criminal.

Mick then realised he was day dreaming about the potential other lives he and Ray could have had together, the thought that maybe on one of those other Earths their doppelgangers were some hot criminal team. He was definitely getting sappy if he thought it made sense for other Micks to have met their loves in Ray. Oh well sappy or not he was sure glad he met him in this life even if his boyfriend was all the trouble. He realised it was too much to hope that this mission would go smoothly but for once he just wanted an easy rescue. Mick was adjusting to the new giant world around him but when it came time to set off for the mission he wasn’t so happy about the idea of riding on Winn’s hand, his dignity just wouldn’t allow that. 

“Um Mick, Winn is gonna carry us you need to get on his hand” Ray said sounding reassuring and kind and everything that made him who he was.

“Sorry Haircut but nope, besides it not like he can just walk up to the infiltration points” dignity aside Mick knew he had a point.

“Micks right there, thanks for the offer Winn but we need to find another way down, maybe fly us down on a drone?” Alex answered though she still seemed a bit distracted by her new size.

“Or I could just fly us down, I mean I have super strength in this form so can carry you both” Ray said but in a tone that implied he’d only just remembered that fact.

“Yeah I’m going with Haircuts plan” Mick said.

“I’m not surprised Ray’s the only man you’d let carry you Mick” Alex said with a smirk but before Mick could fire back a comeback she continued, “Is the distance going to be ok, at this size it’s gonna take longer” aiming the question at Ray.

“With my speed it will take the same amount of time as a drone I think, the force on you may feel a bit worse, I’ve got some protection with the suit. I’ve never flown in my shrunken form let alone flown someone else” Ray said apologetically and Mick glared at him to make sure he wasn’t starting to feel guilty for things that really weren’t his fault.

“It’s a risk were going to have to take, Kara can’t wait for us, who knows what Cadmus are doing to her” Alex said emotion in her voice as she worried for her sister.

“We have some flight suits and some back up suits I made that may keep you a bit safer” Winn offered.

“No thanks, not putting on one of your 4th of July parade suits, I’m good I trust Ray” Mick said and it wasn’t supposed to come out like a loving boyfriend comment but clearly it had cause he was getting tender knowing looks from those around him. “Can we just get going?” he said in response.

Ray and Alex nodded in agreement and the three stood close so that Ray could hook his arms round their waists and took flight.

“Yep this feels fine” Ray said with confidence not really noticing that it felt and looked a little less comfortable for Alex and Mick that had to hold onto him as if he was the hero of an 80’s poster. 

Both Alex and Mick gave Winn a death glare as he started to smirk but soon realised this was definitely not the right time and place and audience to mock.

“Ok guy’s good luck” Winn offered and had to turn around because he couldn’t quite stop the grin forming on his face.

“You guys ready, hold tight ok” Ray said in a cheery voice as if this was going to be a fun experience before he took flight at speed and headed to the coordinates of their mission.  
Under normal circumstances being pressed closed to Ray, his body being firmly pressed against was something Mick enjoyed. However he’d have appreciated less clothes and definitely less g-force. It took every ounce of concentration to not let the speed and force of this trip get to him, he did not want to be the one to throw up as he clung to Ray for dear life. He had no idea how long they had flown for, it felt like too long and when his feet touched the ground he was winded and disorientated. He looked at Alex through bleary eyes but she didn’t look as bad as he secretly hoped she’d be and made a small growling noise. Luckily Ray was already scanning the infiltration point.

“I’ve flown with Kara for years, I’ve developed a strong stomach for these trips. Don’t worry you’ll get there” Alex said a little too knowingly for Micks taste but he was still too fazed for a retort.

“Ok this is good, an air infiltration system. I can just tare a hole in the metal” Ray said and as if he was tearing a small piece of paper ripped open an entry point in the metal grate. Mick smile impressed by the little show of strength and disregard for property damage. 

“There we go and it just registers as damage taken from maybe an animal or some falling rocks” Ray continued and as if it was just the most normal thing in the world jumped into the dark hole disappearing from site.

“Haircut!” Mick shouted voice filled with exasperation as he ran to the spot his boyfriend had just disappeared into.

“Yes Mick?” Rays innocent voice came as his head appeared back in view looking almost too sweet and innocently at Mick.

“We’re too far out just yet for the internal defences but it’s probably safer that I fly you guys down, it’s not really a safe jumping distance. Ray added with a cute smile.

Mick knew for certain that his boyfriend was playing up his innocent nature and if they weren’t on a rescue mission he’d have taken the moment to maybe call Ray up on it, a bit of playful banter that had become part of their repertoire.

“You’re an idiot Haircut, now can you just get us in” Mick said pretending he didn’t realise Ray was teasing him.

Once he and Alex were inside the air duct Alex turned on a shoulder torch and Ray created a light beam so they could see into the dark tunnel. 

“We should continue on foot, while the sensors are rigged to make sure nothing more than maybe mice use these tunnels if mice with super speed started flying down the tunnel that might be considered cause for concern and garner some attention” Ray explained while Mick snorted a “no shit”.

“I’ve calculated the distance before we will started running into heavier security like a sensor net but we will be fine for a little while longer” Ray finished and all three of them set off.

They walked in silence, Alex tense and looking ready to jump anyone that they ran across while Ray paid attention to a display on his arm telling him which turnings to take and the likely points where they’d run into tighter security. Mick didn’t need a device, even with the small amount of light and the new world view he could see that the electronics embedded in the walls were getting more apparent, the tech and he then assumed the security was getting stronger. His eyes flowed power cables looking out for a panel where they could short circuit this sensor net they were getting closer to. 

It didn’t take long, first was the electric humming sound a bit light a bug zapper, then a faint red glow in the distance but the thing that threw Mick was a very familiar small a lot like burnt flesh. He knew that smell well, like something had been fried, a corpse had been burnt and as they got closer it became apparent that the net was designed to do more than sense things coming down the air duct. The mouse was half burnt away, maybe not even an hour ago it still looked fresh, and well the back half that remained did. There was nothing left of the front half clearly burnt away in the net before it finally ran out of momentum and life and now its remaining corpse just lay there burnt.

Mick felt sorry for the creature, being burnt in half was no way to go and he was definitely not down for this happening to their little rescue party. He started to scan for the control panel or at least a way to short circuit this thing.

“Haircut if I find the right wire to trip this thing can you do the rest” Mick asked but was greeted with silence which made something in his stomach drop as he turned to look at Ray that was staring at the mouse remains.

Mick should have known that it would affect his tender hearted lover and resolved to give the man a moment to grieve the poor creature.  
“Hey Miss GI you think you can give me a hand” He said to Alex who turned to him quizzically.

“Um yes, I think we could maybe short it for a few seconds as if something just hit it and then Ray could fly us past it before anyone notices. Would look like it just flickered, failing that um Ray do you think you or your suit can get through unscathed and try and find a way to shut it down?” Alex asked but she too noticed that Ray was just standing there.

“It’s an oscillating sensor grid, acts like a security sensor but also has enough heat to it to make sure that something small that accidentally wonders in will get burnt. Suit could prob take it so should I…” Ray said but his voice was distant, unnatural as if he wasn’t really there, as if he was remembered something else.

Mick didn’t move fast enough, didn’t realise soon enough that Ray wasn’t right, something was effecting Ray as he watched his lover slower lift his hand and put it into the net. The grid started to burn through the suit and invulnerability or not Mick didn’t want Ray to see his flesh burn and heal. Mick practically fell from where he’d been but soon he was by Ray and pulling his boyfriends arm back.

“What the hell Haircut!” Mick shouted but it was out of fear and worry more than anger.

Even through the suit he could tell Ray was shaking and his breathing uneven, he was on the verge of a panic attack. Mick pushed Ray back his boyfriend so startled he let himself get pushed to the ground and his helmet yanked off. Mick could see the slightly glossed over eyes and the look of panic as Ray was facing a harsh memory.

“It’s ok Ray, this isn’t your parents lab, were not going to make you walk through some damn laser grid, there is no test of healing or strength here. It’s just you and me, ok” Mick said trying to keep his voice even but the anger he felt towards the Palmers and whatever sick experiment Ray was remembering was rising.

He felt Alex crouch next to him and she took Rays hand to inspect the damage.

“The suit is just scorched but it didn’t burn to the skin” she said in a medical tone before putting Ray’s hand down.

“Mick take a moment, I’ll watch for signs he’s going to panic but you have to reel in that anger” she said reassuringly.

“I’ve been through oscillating nets before, they burn and cut so much worse than an impossible distance to jump. No I hated turning and having to face the grid, I remember oh god that mouse I know what it must have felt like, burning away, and being sliced not knowing which feeling was worse but together…. I think I died” Ray spoke voice small and full of pain and damage as he pulled his knees to his chest.

Mick felt his blood boil, he could see his love retreating into himself, getting lost in the pain and darkness of the past and he wanted to murder someone, someone was going to pay. He could see Alex trying to talk Ray out of his near catatonic state, he knew he had to erase the anger and anguish from his voice, give Ray a reason to face the world and get past this damn net.

“Ray, don’t leave me ok. Alex can you get him into standing position, when I say go you’re going to run past this thing. I don’t care if you have to half drag him you don’t stop until this thing is out of sight. You hear me!” Mick said voice shaking but a look of steel etched into his features that Alex knew well.

Alex placed Ray’s helmet back on and dragged him to a standing position with one arm round his waist and making sure she was supporting the one she placed across her shoulder. She got herself into a stance to make a run for it and nodded at Mick. Mick knew this was a gamble, Ray was heavy in his suit and half out of it not cooperating well but they had little choice. He scanned the wires in the wall isolating the ones that would hold the power that was keeping the net in operation. He wouldn’t be able to trip it for long and he needed to make it look like just a regular occurrence. He took a breath and walked up to the mouse corpse and gave it a hefty shove.

The minute the corpse hit the grid it started to burn and the net flickered, at the same time he levelled his gun at the wire and let forth a jet of flames. The combined heat and flame did the job as the net flicked off and he could hear Alex make her run for it. He ignored the fresh smell of burning mouse and continued to roast the wires not realising he’d let out a pained roar. He knew it would look like the burning mouse had set fire to the wire and that it wouldn’t take long for power to be rewrote through another wire but he had to give Alex enough time to clear the net. Plus burning was soothing his anger and aggressing, watching his flames eat away at the wire, imagining doing this to the Palmers made him smile.

Mick knew he was getting lost in the flame, letting it take control and hide from his own pain he felt that familiar pull. He knew if he didn’t leave soon he wouldn’t have enough time to get past the net himself. But he wanted to see everything burn, he wanted to be consumed by rage and flame. He saw Ray’s happy smiling face, he felt how much he loved that stupid, nerdy, cheerful man. A man that was now falling into darkness and pain, who needed Mick, who needed Mick focused and strong. The world will still burn but not while Ray was still alive and well and most certainly not dead.

Mick holstered his gun and ran. He saw the corners started to glow red as the net started to thread itself back together, he smelt the mouse begin to burn anew as the net reformed around it and he saw in the distance the backs of Alex and Ray. He focused and sprinted the net closing in on him and he broke past it just as it reformed, the end of jacket singed as he barely made it through. But he didn’t have time to slow down as he raced after Alex and Ray.

He caught up soon Alex was on her knees panting with exertion and Ray lay face down on the ground. Mick hearts racing in his chest, tight and full of fear as he got down to the ground and rolled Ray over. Ray was taking shallow breaths, eyes closed and body trembling. Again Mick took of the helmet and pulled his boyfriend into his lap before taking a deep breath.

“Haircut its good now ok, were alive no damage done, well maybe my jacket but you and me, we’re good so snap out of it ok.” Mick said voice trying to stay calm and reassuring as he leant in closer to whisper.

“I will one day burn those bastards to ash, they will know what it feels like, I will smile as they roast into nothingness and the flames will wash away everything they did. I promise Ray”

“Don’t” Came a small croaky voice, “Don’t let them take you to, don’t let the fire consume you, your better than that. I’ll buy you a new jacket when we get back” Ray sad voice getting a little lighter at the end.

Mick leant back to study Ray’s face, he hated seeing the tears in his lovers eyes. Was Ray crying because of his painful memories or because he didn’t want Mick to be lost to his rage and his fire. Knowing Ray it was probably the later, even with what he must have been through, what he must have just relived it was the idea of Mick losing his soul or getting damaged himself that brought him back. Damn it thought Mick he really was in love with this idiot.

“I’m sorry, I put you in danger I put you both in danger and I jeopardized the mission, I’m so sorry” Ray began and before Alex could say anything, before Mick could even think of something to say to stop Ray from wallowing in guilt he’d lunged forward and kissed Ray hard.

Mick didn’t want to talk right now, didn’t want think much beyond the fact that Ray had pretty much just saved his immortal soul and was now feeling guilty cause of something out of his control. No there was no time for guilt or self-hatred, Mick was going to take that pain and make damn sure Ray knew he was loved and safe. Ray must have forgot himself too because he responded to the kiss and clung to Mick as if his life depended on it. Mick only pulled back when he heard the discreet cough from behind them.

“Now that we are all feeling better, maybe we could continue saving Kara” Alex said but there wasn’t any annoyance in her voice, somehow she seemed to get that they needed that moment. She also had a look that told Ray it was pointless to apologize he didn’t need to feel guilty.

Ray had a smile on his face and a faint blush as he got to his feet and checked the display. 

“According to the schematics we are right above the control area and down the tunnel a few metres is a left turning that will exit onto the holding area. I am pretty sure this is where Kara is as I am reading trace amounts of Kryptonite from that direction” Ray explained more of his colour and optimistic nature returned to him.

“Ok so this is the plan, you and Mick take the control room, try and deactivate the power to the cells Kara is in, maybe stop whatever is producing Kryptonite. I am going to head to Kara, check how she is doing and get her up to date on the plan of escape and hopefully see if I can do anything to make this escape go smoothly” Alex said in full leader mood that reminded Mick of Sara, this also meant that there was going to be no questioning, they had their missions and it was time to get to work.

With a last nod at Alex they watched her run towards the holding area and Kara before turning to the vent that would get them into the control room.

“It was limited addition, stole it off some celebrity” Mick said matter of factly as Ray looked at him a little confused before realising what Mick was talking about.

“Billionaire remember” Ray replied smirking a little.

“Thought money couldn’t always buy you happiness” Mick answered with his own smirk.

“Well it can buy you a replacement jacket but your right money didn’t buy me happiness like your Jacket got that because you stole my heart” Ray said radiating pure sunshine.

Mick wanted to snap something back, wanted to call Ray an idiot and laugh at him for the stupid sappy, romantic trite he’d just said but instead he found himself going red and blushing like a girl on prom night.

“Come on Haircut we’ve got a mission to complete” Mick retorted.

Both men faced forward and carefully descended down the vent before them.


	49. Chapter 46

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 46

Ray knew he had to stop feeling guilty and thinking his mess up once again put the team in danger but it was a hard habit to crack. Alex had looked at him with such an adamant expression that he held no blame and that she was still on track to save Kara but was glad he was ok that Ray really couldn’t argue with her. Then there was Mick, love of his life Mick who left no room whatsoever for his self-hatred, who put Ray first and proved without a shadow of a doubt that he not only loved Ray back but was intelligent and resourceful. Mick had got them out of that situation, he’d worked out how to trick the sensor net and had nearly let himself be consumed with his own anger because of Ray. But while Ray still felt shame and guilt for his black out he also realised how important it was for him to get a grip of those situations because it wasn’t just him that could get hurt.

Ray realised that Mick was in danger and that brought him back, he had to protect his boyfriend from being consumed by that dark flame he carried with him and Ray never wanted to be the cause of such rage. Ray didn’t have time to feel guilt he had a mission to concentrate on and a lover to be proud of that he wanted to return this sense of pride in. He had further proof that people are forever underestimating Mick, he’s smarter and more capable then people give him credit for and has more emotional depth then a lot of men even if he can’t always express it. No Ray was in a good place, slightly shaken up by that memory of his childhood and that maze of horror he’d been put through. But that was the past in his future he was having all the guilt and pain kissed away. This was all probably why he was able to say with such a straight face that Mick had stolen his heart.  
It was such a cheesy line but somehow it made perfect sense and the conversation at the time just lent itself so well to that particular declaration. He’d expected Mick to laugh at him or call him an idiot but the best response he could have hoped was the open honest look of embarrassment and appreciation. Mick blushing was always a treat but the man blushing hard and looking at him with a slightly coy expression as if he wanted to say thank you but it just wasn’t in his character. Mick may have deflected but it had been there an honest look of love.

Now they were descending down an air vent in the hope of finding the control room, walking in mutual silence as all words and actions had been said and done. It was time to concentrate on the mission and as the end of the tunnel got lighter they could hear the clear voices of people talking and the hum of electronics. The schematics had been on point, this was in fact the control room and at the monitor sat two security guards watching the screens.

From their view from the slits in the vent Ray could see a couple of screens showing tunnels, a large cargo bay and the cells. He then saw that while Kara didn’t look physically injured she was kneeling on the floor of her containment cell looking drained and tired. There was indeed something using kryptonite that was preventing her from using her powers and escaping. Taking out two guards was going to be a walk in the park, it was just the internal security of the room that needed to be worked on first. Ray spotted a camera in the corner and Mick nodded in response, they were small enough to slip through the gap in the vent as Ray hooked his arms under Micks arm pits and flying them close to the wall deposited Mick on said camera.

It was barely a minute in time for Mick to disable the camera and Ray to fly at super speed hitting the first guard in a pressure point that knocked him out cold and before the other guard knew what was going on he too was unconscious. Ray retrieved Mick and set them both on the floor with enough space around them, giving his boyfriend a confident wink and using the suit to return them both to full size. Mick was extremely happy about being his regular self again and immediately went about securing the guards in case they woke up. Meanwhile Ray hacked into the security system rewiring the camera inside the control room to loop footage of just before he knocked out the guards. Then he went about trying to see how he was going to shut down security to the containment cells.

Mick came to stand by him and study the systems looking a little smug,  
“It’s not that modern a setup, all the cameras and doors are on a pretty easy security system it’s only the containment cells that seem to be on a higher tech system. We trip the doors we can create a path for ourselves all the way to that cargo bay area and all four of us can just leave.” Mick explained and Ray smiled at him.

“Yeah I know Haircut but can’t let everyone know I’m a genius. Communication seems to be on its own system but nothing I’m sure you can’t handle and once we get this place n lockdown we can deal with the cells, though first let’s make sure all the alarms are out of action.” Mick finished.

It was a rare treat working like this, combining their knowledge to achieve their goal. Mick had broken into high tech facilities before and out of prisons with higher security so he was in his element. He’d already planned the order the systems needed rewiring and closing to make it an easy escape path. Ray was able to deactivate the alarm system so that even if they tripped security there would be no signs, plus was able to uncover a whole host of traps such as sensor nets, a system for deploying sleep gas and targeting lasers. Working together this mission was turning out to be a little more fun and Ray could tell Mick was feeling it too as a wicked grin on his face.

“Hey Haircut these little toys they got built in can you take control of them?” Mick asked a glint of mischief in his eyes.

“Yeah Mick, most of them are made of a higher tech level than the primary base systems but I think I’ll be able to deactivate them all soon” Ray replied.

“No don’t deactivate them, I have an idea. From watching the guards walk their paths they mostly seem to be ex-prison guards they follow some standard patrol routes.” Mick started to explain and Ray looked at him quizzically.

“So Haircut, see these two they are going to walk down that corridor check out whatever that room is and then exit it once it’s got the all clear. All we need to do is lock the door so they can’t get out the room and maybe apply a little sleeping gas just to make double sure. These two over there are gonna patrol past that room but we just maybe set off a laser turret inside, they go investigate and boom doors lock gas means sleep and we have a lovely clear corridor to walk down” Mick finished looking satisfied.

“Mick your brilliant” Ray said and he doubled down on breaking through the systems.

“I’ve also made sure to isolate our com line so we can communicate with Alex without anyone hearing use. I’m going to let her know the plan” Ray said smiling.

It wasn’t long before he told Alex the plan and got filled in to her location, the cells had been further on foot so she was just descending the vent now but she’d be with Kara soon. Then Mick and Ray got to work, Mick redirecting the patrol patterns with perfection and Ray hacking door and security features until there was a clear and smooth run to the cargo bay and the large door that lead to the outside world. Ray was feeling all giddy at their combined work, they had complete their tasks in unison, combined skills and taken each other’s directions like a well-oiled machine.

“You’re getting off on this aren’t you Haircut” Mick said a knowing lilt in his voice.

“No, well maybe well it’s just feels good to work so well together” Ray replied trying not to sound so happy and giddy.

“It’s aright Haircut I get it, we did good work, we made a damn good team but it’s not over yet” Mick said warmth in his voice but still focused on the mission.

“Now we have to work out what’s up with these separate systems for the containment cells, the ones in the cargo bay look like they are protecting the cargo in there. Since we’re not here to steal that, as long as we leave them well alone and the doors stay open for our escape we don’t need to worry. I think once I get to the cells I can find another hacking point but what really concerns me is that there isn’t a single system that indicates where the kryptonite is.” Ray explained.

“Maybe it isn’t part of the security they just have a dumb rock sitting there and if that’s the case I can just pick it up and throw it out. That way you and Skirt can just get on with being all super powered” Mick suggested.

“I hope it’s that easy” Ray started to say and then saw something move on the camera just out of view in the cell area, “I think there is still a security guard where Kara is”.  
Ray heard Mick curse before his comms cracked and Alex’s voice came through.

“Guys I have Kara in sight but the room is full of laser turrets and there is someone sitting in the far corner I can’t quite make out. They just went to check on a panel on the wall, I think making sure the internal security of this room is good but I can’t really make them out from this angle “

“We got this Alex we just need to lure them away for a bit and get to the room to hack that security panel” Ray said looking at Mick with confidence.

“Yeah leave it to us you just sit tight” Mick added he looked at Ray ad Ray was pretty sure they were having the same idea.

“So a fire” Both men said at the same time and smirked.

“I figure we set a fire in here to lure this guard out, shut the doors and set off some of the sleeping gas and then its clear sailing. With my control over the security once shrunk I can fly us to Alex, take out these camera’s, get us all back to regular size, hack that panel while you deal with the kryptonite and then we can pretty much stroll out of here.” Ray said sounding pretty confident.

After the disaster with the sensor net he was feeling like he’d pretty much made up for it as he rigged the room’s security to automatically close when someone entered the room and if the door locked the sleeping gas would be deployed.

“Mick you ready to set some stuff on fire, I’ve set the fire extinguishing system to go off only after sleeping gas has been deployed just in case this all goes wrong. And now for a bit of acting!” Ray said as he turned on the comms.

“Help this is the control room!!! We’ve been infiltrated, oh god how did Superman find us, help we’re are gonna get burnt to death” Ray said in his best panicked henchmen impression while turning to gesture to Mick to start burning.

On cue Mick started burning with his heat gun, looking rather satisfied and it was then Ray suddenly realised he too had heat vision, plus the sound effect would really help sell the whole Superman invasion thing.

He turned on the comms again and concentrated to make sure he had a heat beams of a controlled level, trained his eyes on the security camera and announced.  
“Oh no Superman is using his heat vision to disable the cameras” Then Ray blasted the camera before turning off the comms.

Both men looked pretty pleased with themselves and the mild destruction they had caused when Alex’s voice came back on to tell them it had worked and whoever was in the room just left and in a hurry. There wasn’t really time to let Mick know before Ray had shrunk them both and was flying them at speed to Alex’s location. He could feel Mick tense in his arms and he would apologise for the less gentle treatment later as he dropped his boyfriend before going over to the panel. This security system had a few more layers to it but at least the laser turrets where one of the easiest ones to disable. 

Ray noticed Kara starting to stand looking a little better and less drained but very confused. Ray finished with the turrets and returned to full size while Kara stared at him with a mixture of bemusement and relief.

“Ray!” she exclaimed before worry crept into her features, “You have to get out of here Ray, just like me he’s going to make you weak” Kara said concern in her voice.

“It’s ok I have backup” Ray said and before Kara could explain any further he’d opened the vent got tiny Alex and Mick out and returned hem both to regular size.

Kara was momentarily distracted by the arrival of her sister as they clasped hands through the bars. Mick went over and was working on getting the door open as Ray furiously tried to hack the cell itself.

“This tech isn’t anything from Earth, with enough time I could decipher it but I don’t think I can do it completely. I’ve isolated some mechanisms but this isn’t like the main base security.” Ray explained having found a release for the room’s door so that Mick was able to push it open and was watching the corridor for signs of guards.

“It’s ok Ray even if you’ve weakened it with our combined strength we should be able to pry this cage open but we have to be quick because he’ll be back and neither of us are gonna be much help if that happens” Kara explained pushing on the door to her cell.

Ray stood to join her pulling as the door buckled and crumbled, he noticed that she was straining more than he expected.

“So that guard he has kryptonite on him, that’s what was keeping your powers down” Ray asked but before he got an answer the door came off and Kara was stepping free.  
Kara looked at Alex and her face was full of recognition and concern. Ray thought she’d be happy but that wasn’t the face of someone that thought this rescue mission was over.

“We have to go now!” Alex said as she supported Kara who was still too weak to fly.

Mick took the lead remembering the pathway they had created to the cargo bay and their escape. Things were going smoothly, Kara was able to walk without support.

“See we’re nearly out of here, what could go wrong?” the moment the words left Rays mouth was the moment he regretted it.

“You think sleeping gas and a locked door will slow me down Superman!!! I will destroy you!” A cold voice shouted into the comms for all to hear.

Ray’s stomach dropped a little suddenly feeling like there was more to this security guard as Kara and Alex shouted run. They sprinted for the cargo bay that was quiet and clear, the doors wide open and ready for them to just walk out of there. But life and rescue missions were never easy, they never went as planned as Ray started to feel like he was powering down getting weaker. There was a crashing sound and an angry yell as a crate flew through the air barely missing Mick who jumped out the way. Kara pushed Alex to one side so she too wasn’t hit and then suddenly Ray felt himself being pulled to one side as Kara yanked him down and stood to take the brunt of a green energy blast.

Kara went flying at Ray lay on the floor feeling drained and weak, this security guard most definitely had some kind of Kryptonite blaster and Kara had just taken a blast from it to protect him. Ray started to push himself off the floor to face this new enemy and he registered the sound of metal tapping on the floor as if this guard hate metal shoes. Ray realised very soon that this wasn’t the case and he got a proper view of the assailant walking into the room. A view of completely metallic legs that led to a completely metallic torso and head. This was like seeing something out of Terminator the only difference from the metallic man and the robotic creatures was the glowing green power source in its chest piece and the fact that it looked like it was charging for another blast.


	50. Chapter 47

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 47

There was no doubt in Ray’s mind that that beam was about to hit him when he heard Alex shout out “Hey Metallo!” Metallo turned to look at Alex and if it was even possible looked like he had a sneer on his face. Alex seemed unfazed as she shot the man/robot/cyborg maybe and took small steps back as the bullets hit him. There was little visible damage being done, it seemed to be more of an annoyance and a distraction as Alex released something with her other hand that flew towards Metallo as if it was magnetised. Before Ray could try and figured out the small device exploded on impact and sent the metal figure flying sideways and through a stack of large crates. Alex immediately ran to help Kara up and Ray realised he too was being helped to his feet by a scowling Mick.

“You had to say it didn’t you Haircut!” Mick said that hint of exasperation Mick had when Ray did or said something dumb, “What could go wrong, well maybe a bloody killer robot!” he continued moodily but still making sure Ray was well supported.

“His names Metallo, he was once an assassin till Cadmus turned him into a weapon with a Kryptonite core and designed for one purpose” came Kara’s bitter voice, she still sounded tired and winded but otherwise she was slowly pulling herself upright.

“Let me guess” snarled Mick, “to kill you and your cousin and therefore Haircut!” he spat with anger.

“Exactly and that explosion won’t stop him long so we have to get out of here.” Kara continued now standing on shaky legs with Alex close by in case she needed the support.  
As if on que there was a roar of anger and crates went flying, Ray took note for a moment of the strange alien devices within them as they crashed and scattered about but knew this was not the time to mourn the loss of probably priceless tech. The green beam came again hurtling towards their position and on instinct he released twin beans of heat to match it. His eyes beams weren’t as strong as usual he could feel the kryptonite sapping his strength but he had to hold back this metal monster. Then a second pair of beams joined his and although weaker as well together he and Kara used their heat vision to push back Metallo’s advancement.

Soon they were standing side by side using all the strength they had to not let Metallo take any more steps towards them, if they could keep him at least a little distant then they had more chance of keeping their strength from being sapped and making a chance for escape. The green beam stopped as Metallo emerged from the crates looking imposing and very angry, both Kara and he were panting with the effort of holding him at bay but they had little choice.

“Ray you’re going to have to push him back with you heat vision while I try and freeze him, it won’t hold him long but hopefully long enough so we can escape.” Kara said looking focused.

Ray wished he too had cold breath but he couldn’t mourn a power he didn’t manifest and had to concentrate on what he could do as he let another eye blast go. Metallo put one hand up to block the beam and for a moment it seemed like he was being pushed back as Kara released a freezing breath. But without warning Metallo held out the other hand and released a blast that hit Kara in the chest before powering up his kryptonite beam and firing that as well. Ray was fast enough to grab Kara and the two of them tumbled out of the way both feeling drained and weakened.

“A little upgrade” Metallo said smugly waving his hand and stepping closer.

“Oi tin man” Mick said voice dark and full of loathing before he trained the heatgun and let the flames spring forth.

Metallo recoiled from the heat and flame as Mick advanced a glint of that dark madness flickering in his eyes. Alex threw another small bomb, this time at Metallo’s feet and the explosion created a whole in the floor. Metallo disappeared down screaming with frustration as Mick continued to advance filling the pit with flames. 

“Mick stop, you got him, please we have got to get out of here” Ray called worry in his voice.

But as soon as the words reached Mick he snapped out of it, calming his breathing and holstering his gun. He turned from the pit and started to walk towards Ray looking angry but Ray knew it was more to do with the metal man that had the potential to kill Ray. Mick had taken three paces when a metallic hand sprang from the pit and grabbed his ankle. Mick yelled in pain as the hot metal burned through his trousers and into his flesh, the shock causing him to fall as he was pulled backwards.

“Mick” Ray shouted in panic and sprinted towards the pit, feeling his strength go as he neared the edge and grabbed Mick’s arms as he started to go over the edge. 

He could see the almost grinning face of Metallo as he hung to Mick’s leg knowing full well that if Ray let go both Metallo and Mick would fall into the angry flames below. At this distance the Kryptonian core was sapping all of Ray’s strength but he had no choice but to hold onto Mick with everything he had.

“I’m not gonna let go Mick so don’t even think about saying anything heroic about letting you fall so I can escape” Ray said looking into the face of his boyfriend.

“I ain’t no hero Haircut so you better not let go, we get out of here together or it looks like both of us are going up in flames” Mick said but concern was staring to etch on his features as he saw how drained Ray was getting.

“Ok Haircut release one of my arms so I can get to the heatgun, another blast should finish him off” Mick said and Ray did as he was told. 

Mick took aim and fired but he was in pain Ray could tell from his face, he knew that the heated metal of Metallo’s hand was burning into Mick’s leg. Before he noticed though, twin beams of heat were being fired at Metallo and the sound of gunshots as Kara and Alex fired on the metal villain. Metallo roared in frustration but hand tight on Micks leg searing the flesh of his ankle.

“Hey Skirt that eye beam is gonna have to cut through the ankle, tin man is pretty much melding to my skin” Mick explained through gritted teeth and extreme pain.

“What Mick no!” Ray said unable to get his head round what Mick was asking.

“It’s just a foot Haircut!” Mick said as if it was the easiest thing in the world to ask to get you ankle cut through.

Metallo was starting to power up his kryptonite core for another blast, though he seemed distracted and in pain, he and the beam shot out unfocused and burning through the side of the pit causing it to enlarge. Ray could feel the ground he was laying on grow unstable and his vision blur from the lack of strength but he wasn’t going to give up yet.

“When I say everyone aim for the elbow joint of Metallo’s arm” Ray said in a voice that left no room for contradiction.

He gave Mick a smile and shouted “Now” holding Mick with one arm and using the blasters in his suit to fire with his free arm, he also used his heat vision and knew Kara was doing the same, along with bullets from Alex and the flames of Micks gun. He heard Metallo cry in pain, or defeat or frustration and then with all this remaining strength pulled Mick up.

It was a desperate move, he was pushing his body and his suit beyond their limits but Mick came flying out of the pit arching over Ray a look of shock and awe on his face. The joint of Metallo’s arm snapped and elbow up came flying with Mick while a screaming Metallo disappeared into the pit. Ray rolled to one side exhausted and the vision diming around him, he’d used the last of his strength but Mick was ok. He saw that Kara was pulling the clasped metal hand off Micks ankle and throwing it to one side as Alex was doing some in the field first aid. Mick was sitting up looking annoyed at being fussed over and trying to get the two DEO employee’s to leave him along.

“I’m fine, not like I had my leg taken off. Can I just go check on my boyfriend, you know the idiot who just saved me and is lying in a heap” Mick snapped and it made Ray smile.

“I’m all good Mick, but I think it’s time for a nap” Ray said voice full of exertion and eyelids closing.

Ray could feel someone lifting him up and saying something about him just being drained, he was pretty sure it was Kara and he placed a lopsided grin on his face before finally letting unconsciousness claim him.

Mick just stared at his boyfriend who looked like a rag doll, when Ray woke up he was gonna scolded him so hard and then he was going to kiss him within an inch of his life. Mick was kiss every inch of that beautiful and heroic man, though maybe after some pain meds, a few beers and a sleep. He wasn’t young enough to just walk something like this off and he was pretty sure his boyfriend could do with a good night’s sleep. Kara had Ray supported, she looked tired but some of her energy and power was returning as they headed to the Cargo doors. He was currently being helped by Alex and while he complained it was mostly for show. This had been one hell of a rescue mission and had gone from a walk in the park to the fight of their lives.

“Once were back and rested drinks are on me!” Alex said and Mick smiled.

“You bet they are, I nearly lost a leg and did you see what my boyfriend did, no one’s ever thrown me about like that” Mick said still impressed with Ray and looking forward to showing Ray just how impressed he was later.

“Yeah Mick, Ray saved the day and I’m sure you’ll thank him thoroughly later” Alex said with a knowing wink that made Mick snort out a laugh.

“Um guys maybe we could save some conversations for private” Kara said with a blush on her face.

“Skirt you gotta lighten up” Mick said wincing slightly as he tested out putting pressure on his leg. There was a weird crunching noise, was that his leg, had his ankle bones been crushed by that robots grip.

Mick soon realised that the noise wasn’t coming from his ankle as both Kara and Alex took defensive stances before shouting run!

A beam of green tore through the floor indiscriminately blasting its way to the surface. The pit grew in size as most of the cargo floor fell into it, caving in as a bubble of heat explode from it and through the remaining floor. The explosion sent everything flying, debris and cargo and smoke filled the air as the rescue party were thrown from their spot. Mick couldn’t make up nor down as he was flung through the cargo doors onto the large concrete surface of a landing strip. Smoke stung his eyes and there was a ringing in his ears from the explosion as he felt panic well up inside him.

Alex was only a few metres from where he had landed, she was unconscious and had a nasty looking head wound as he crawled towards her. The smoke around the cargo bay hadn’t cleared yet, he couldn’t tell where Ray or Kara were as fear started to tighten inside him. He got Alex’s med kit out so at least he could dress her wound and then through the smoke Kara broke free flying straight up. She looked dazed and pretty damaged, her healing factor slower to heal her wounds. But she was blowing the smoke away trying to clear the field of vision, eyes darting about in a panic. She locked eyes with Mick and a dance of emotions played out, relief they were ok, concern seeing the state of her sister and then as Mick glared back guilt that Ray was nowhere in sight.

Kara blew again and the smoke cleared to reveal just inside the doors the destroyed floor and gapping, flaming chasm that was once the cargo bay. Mick’s heart dropped as he saw Ray’s still body lying by the edge on a broken piece of floor that looked about ready to collapse into that hellish pit. Ray’s body started to slide down and out of site and Mick desperately tried to run to save his boyfriend but he screamed with pain as he put pressure onto his leg and he collapsed onto the floor again. Kara clocked where Ray was and started to fly down to grab him when again a blast of green shot out and she was barely able to dodge it. From the heat and smoke rose the form of Metallo grinning with malicious intent.

Metallo stepped out of the cargo bay onto the concrete surface with a look of pure murder in those sunken eyes. He looked like the grim reaper, a skeletal lord from the pits of hell and even with one arm missing and the metal of his body warped and melted from the heat he was imposing and clearly very angry. Metallo took one look at where Alex and Mick were and started to run straight towards them, raising his good arm and firing a blast where they were. In a blink of an eye Kara was in front of them and defending them from the blast but Metallo took the opportunity to get in close and as her strength seeped away he was able to use the outstretched arm to grab her by the throat.

Kara used what little energy she had to launch herself into the sky, trying to get some distance between Mick and Alex and herself with Metallo clasping onto her. Mick could see the struggle that it was taking every bit of her power to stay in flight and try and pry metal fingers from her neck. Mick wished there was something he could do but at the same time all he wanted to do was find Ray. Things were happening too fast and too slow at the same time, Metallo powered up his kryptonite blast and fired hitting Kara square in the chest before he released her. She had taken too much damage as she fell from the sky and landed hard on the ground, it cracked and buckled beneath her and she lay there still and unmoving.

Mick willed himself to move, he had to do something, had to keep Alex safe, had to check on Supergirl and had to find Ray. At the same time that Kara crashed into the ground, Metallo had landed looking down at her prone form. Mick could see there was still a rise and fall of her chest but one more direct blast and it may be her last breath. Mick grabbed the last of the bombs off of Alex’s belt and threw all but one of them at the metal monstrosity. He felt his anger raise, this thing was hurting his team mates, these new friends and was preventing him from finding his boyfriend. The bombs hit Metallo causing small explosions and for him to stagger away from Kara’s unconscious form. Mick took the opportunity to un-holster the heat gun and fire but Metallo was ready and jumped out of the reach of the flames, laughing.

“Really, a powerless gnat like you thinks he stands a chance. The girl of steel is nearly dead, as is her sister and as for that suited hero, he probably met the fate you thought befell me.” Metallo sneered at Mick.

Mick was fuelled by his anger, he couldn’t die here he had a promise to keep. He had to keep Ray safe and he had to get revenge on the Palmers for everything they had put his lover through. A tin can wasn’t going to stop him, he wasn’t the villain Mick had to fight. Plus Mick knew Ray, he had a way of escaping near death experiences, there was no way his boyfriend was dead.

“Ha, you don’t know Haircut, he has a knack for surviving” Mick said and somehow his confidence in his own words gave him strength.

Mick got to his feet slowly making sure most of his weight went to his good leg. He began to level the heatgun, Metallo’s frame had taken damage from heat vision, the fire and Micks gun, there was only so long it could keep working. All Mick had to do was throw one last bomb, damage that green power source and send this thing up in flames. Metallo looked at him a quirk to his head, an open invitation to give his best shot as he levelled his arm at Mick. Both of them fired at the same time but Metallo’s blast sliced through Micks flames and Mick knew this was it. Mick closed his eyes willing the face of Ray to appear, he sent out a silent plea for his lover to be ok and that he was sorry so very sorry. Maybe for the first time in his life Mick wanted to truly cry, he wanted to cry out for all the things he was going to miss, he wanted to mourn the life he was about to lose with Ray and everything they could have done and been. Mick didn’t want to die!

That’s when he heard a scream of anger and a voice shout out “Get away from him!”

Mick opened his eyes to see a blur of red and blue slam into Metallo causing the cyborg to buckle and spin tearing up the concrete as he tumbled. Where Metallo once stood now stood the form of one Ray Palmer. He was panting hard, the Atom suit was burnt and fractured with a large chuck of the helmet missing. Mick could see blood running down Rays face, mixing with sweat and tears. Ray looked like he could barely stand but there was determination in his body language and his eyes were full of anger. Mick had never seen Ray look so mad, so full of dangerous energy. Ray’s right shoulder where he’d slammed into Metallo looked almost sunken in and Mick hoped it was just the armour plating of the suit that had been crushed by the impact. 

Metallo started to right himself but it was obvious that the unexpected impact had damaged him, his own right side was dented and crushed and it had caused bit of his metal frame around the chest to bend inwards into the kryptonite power source. Metallo attempted to charge the kryptonite beam but the mechanism must have been damaged because no beam was fired. He screamed in frustration and instead aimed his arm again at Mick in another cowardly attempt but Ray was quick using his speed to get in front and block the beam. Ray was using his hand blaster to match the oncoming beam and for a while it looked like the two blasters were evenly matched. 

Both men ceased fire and stood staring each other down giving Mick the chance to look over his boyfriend. The blood from a head would covered one of Ray’s eyes that looked bruised and swollen shut, which was why he hadn’t used his eye beams. Metallo’s kryptonite beam may be damaged but the power source itself must still be draining Ray as he wasn’t healing. Mick then noticed that Ray’s right arm was hanging loosely, having taken damage from the impact earlier the shoulder must be damaged. Mick put the facts together quickly, Ray wasn’t using his Kryptonian powers, and he wasn’t healing and had probably used the last of his strength in the shoulder barge that had saved Micks life. No Ray was running on fumes, on pure adrenaline and he was going up against this machine of war with nothing but the weapons in a much damaged Atom suit. 

Mick wanted to curse, he wanted to curse Ray’s heroics, curse Metallo and curse himself for being useless. He wanted to shout at Ray to escape, he didn’t want to see his boyfriend die in front of him but at the same time he felt full of pride and wonder at the sheer strength of will Ray had. Broken, bleeding and still standing tall Ray had never looked more beautiful, he was every bit the hero he doubted he was and not because of these new powers, no because of his character and inner strength. Ray still had the will to fight, he hadn’t given up and there was no way Mick was going to let him down now.

“You got this Haircut, teach that thing what it means to be a Legend” Mick said in a low voice, a mixture of pride in Ray and anger at the thing that thought it could beat him.

Ray nodded at Mick and then started to run a shout of determination like a battle cry as he did so. Metallo roared his own cry and ran forwards both men meeting in a furious clash as they swung their good arms into fists that collided. The shock sent both men staging back a few paces and Mick knew that Ray must have broken his fist on impact as Metallo roared in triumph and swung wildly ready for the finishing blow and then nothing. One moment Ray had been there the next he was gone and Metallo was carried by his own momentum, falling and rolling like a rag doll across the floor. Mick however knew exactly what happened, just before Metallo’s fist could connect with Ray, Ray was able to slam his broken fist into the front of the Atom suit and hit the button to shrink himself. Metallo would have no idea where his opponent went and Mick just knew Ray was going to do something both stupid and insane.

Sure enough Metallo started to writhe and scream on the ground his remaining hand scrabbling around his chest as if something was crawling around inside. He was cursing and shouting at a seemingly invisible something that was pulling him apart from the inside as Mick witnessed sparks fly and various parts of Metallo’s body power down. Soon there was no more movement only angry shouts as even the green kryptonite power source looked weaker and the finally the Atom suit returned to full size emerging from a chest cavity and tearing Metallo’s torso in two as it did. Soon the Atom suit half destroyed itself was standing in front of the two pieces of Metallo and Ray Staggered back a few paces.  
“What have you done to me!!?” Came the angry screams.

“I disconnected your power source and circuits, frying as many as I could. Your body isn’t going to function anytime soon but since your mind is on a separate source I have left that alone. Also I made sure to unshrink myself between your most vulnerable points which as you can see split you in half” Ray explained his voice almost cold but it was also quite and straining with effort.

“You should have destroyed me completely, your weak, you heroes always are, not prepared to take a life even if it means letting evil have a chance to fight another day. This is why you won’t win, why Cadmus and the Luthor’s will have their victory”. Metallo continued to shout but Ray was walking away.

Ray was nearly at Mick when he finally collapse onto his knees and Mick acted on instinct leaping forward despite the pain in his leg to catch Ray before his face hit the ground.  
“I did good” Ray said his eyes closing and his breathing getting a little shallow.

“Yeah Ray that was damn impressive” Mick answered pride in his voice as he watched Ray smile before slipping into unconsciousness.

Mick laid his boyfriend down and limped over to where Metallo lay before grapping the thing before him by his arm. 

“What are you doing?” Metallo said indignantly but Mick ignored him dragging his upper torso towards the still burning chasm that was once a cargo bay. Metallo soon realised where he was being dragged to and started up a mantra of insults and abuse but they fell on deaf ears until they were right at the edge.

“Wait, stop don’t do this, aren’t you supposed to be a hero, one of the good guys. If you throw me down there I’ll die!” Metallo screamed.

“I ain’t no hero and I never claimed to be one of the good guys, I just happen to be dating one. I am however a very protective boyfriend and you hurt my lover then you are gonna pay” Mick snarled as he pulled Metallo over the edge and watched as he disappeared into the fiery pit.

Mick started to limp back and as he did so noticed that Kara was stirring a little, putting some distance between her and the tin monster meant her healing factor was kicking in. Mick was glad, maybe she would heal enough to get them all out of here because Mick was exhausted, both physically and emotionally. He got to where Ray was and got down on the floor next to his boyfriend. He didn’t care where they were he needed a nap as he got himself comfortable and pulled Ray towards him. Either they woke up rescued or the didn’t wake up at all because at this moment Mick welcomed unconsciousness and just being this close to his crazy and damn super love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was brought to you by someone that just watched a load of My Hero Academia in a very short time!


	51. Chapter 48

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 48

Ray wasn’t really sure how he got back to the DEO med bay, his whole body ached and he felt like every bit of strength he had, had been stolen away. His head ached, there was a pounding just behind his eyes and his right shoulder and left fist were in agony. He remembered being consumed by fire, he’d been falling and he felt smoke choke him and he was scared, alone and disorientated. Then he’d thought about Mick, about leaving him behind, about Metallo probably killing the love of his life, he also thought about the grief Mick would feel if Ray died here. He was not new to feeling his body burn but he didn’t have time to think about past memoires he had to get to Mick, Kara and Alex. He’d boosted the jets in his Atom suit and had flown out that pit, wheezing and breathless and then he had seen Metallo about to take out Mick.

Things were a blur then, he knew he went beyond what his body was capable of, his Kryptonian powers near depleted and him trying to carry himself on his human strength. But he hadn’t been done yet, the suit still functioned and he threw himself into the fight, breaking through all his limits to ensure his friends and his boyfriend survived. There was no way Metallo was gonna take Mick from him and while his energy drained and his body started to fail him his mind, his soul and his passion raged on. In the end it wasn’t his Kryptonian powers that saved him it was his mind, it was his intelligence. Mick had encouraged him, put his faith in him and Ray knew in that moment that Mick had utter faith in the Ray Palmer he’d always known, the genius.

That was when Ray made his quick plan, the suit had enough power in it and Ray was able to shrink, get inside the metal frame of Metallo. Being so small and so close to the kryptonite core was horrific, he knew everything he was was being drained but it wasn’t a new feeling. Ray had been through this countless times at the hands of his so called parents. The Palmers had drained him to the brink over and over and because of this his will to survive, his ability to weather this torture was that much stronger. He’d crippled systems, re wired weapons and disconnected functions knowing that he was destroying Metallo from the inside out. He felt the cyborg assassin still before finding the weak point and reforming at regular size knowing he’d break the man if you could even call him that apart. 

Ray was not a murderer or even as brutal as the Palmers had been, he was a hero and as Mick had said a Legend. Ray had found that Metallo’s mind was on a separate system, a system that would keep said mind alive even without the metal frame to house it. Ray walked away then, he’d won, he’d done well and everyone was safe. He remembered falling into Micks arms and then the sweet release of unconsciousness. When he started to come to he remembered being in Micks arms and vaguely that Clark and J’onn had arrived. He was in and out after that but he assumed they had completed their mission and had arrived to take the team back to the DEO to rest and recover. 

Ray blinked awake, he could feel tissue and bones stitching themselves back together slowly but still he tried to sit up wanting to know where Mick was.

“Hold on there” came a soothing voice as J’onn gently put a hand on him to still him.

“Your safe and slowly your healing factor is doing its job, Mick is right next to you, he’s still sleeping but ok. The burn to his leg is going to scar but we did what we could. Alex, much to my annoyance is filling Winn in but she was the first up and while not altogether healed in the best shape of the lot of you. Kara is still out, she took a lot of kryptonite blasts directly and needs time to gather her strength” J’onn explained knowing Ray needed to know how everyone else was first.

“As for you Ray Palmer you were a hero out there, you should feel so proud of yourself. I am not sure what we would have done without your quick thinking and your determination. Alex had witnessed some of the fight, she came to when you apparently went toe to toe in a fist fight with Metallo.” J’onn said an impressed smile on his face.

“It wasn’t quite like that” Ray said voice still raw as he looked at his broken fist.

“Yes, but it was a rouse for Metallo to lower his defences, he underestimated you and was blindsided by the abilities of your suit and your intellect. I owe you a debt for keeping my team, my family alive. You are every bit the man our Superman is. Speaking of which, he wants you to know that he rescued most of the unconscious guards from the facility before it totally went up in flames, unfortunately he couldn’t find any trace of Metallo and while no Luthor had been the pilot of the Lexosuit it is now in custody. He’s currently taking back to the Fortress to seal in away. He sends his best and thanks you for saving his cousin. He also says that he would be very proud to call you his brother and one day fight besides you if the opportunity were ever to arise” J’onn said voice still filled with pride and a little awe.

Ray had no idea how to take all this information, he felt pride in himself but was so used to doubting himself it felt unreal to be praised so highly. He really wanted to just see Mick, to ground himself and honestly feel less over whelmed.

“I should let you rest but if you need anything you just have to call” J’onn said before leaving the room and Ray just blinked like this was all a dream.

“Good, thought he’d never leave, didn’t want all that hero worship to go to your head Haircut” Micks voice said, it was tired but light.

“Mick!” Ray croaked trying to roll on his side and feeling the pain in his shoulder intensify.

“Lay still you idiot” came Micks reprimanding voice s Ray turned his head to see Mick get up from his own bed.

Ray didn’t know what to say, they’d just been through what felt like a war zone yet they were both alive and healing. He felt the tears well up in his eyes.

“Oh come on Haircut, I know I’m good looking but you don’t have to cry!” Mick said as he gingerly walked round Ray’s bed hobbling a bit on the bad ankle until he was at Ray’s good side.

“Scot over you giant softy” Mick said as he helped Ray wiggly a little across the bed to make room for Mick.

Mick gently placed Ray’s broken hand across his chest before lying down next to his boyfriend and then placing said hand on his stomach. It wasn’t the most practical position or comfortable. Two grown men with large frames trying to share a med bed but Ray wouldn’t have changed it for the world. 

“I thought I was going to lose you, I thought I was going to lose us” Mick said in a small voice.

“Me too and I just couldn’t let that be the case.” Ray replied still feeling tears in his eyes at the relief that they’d survived.

“I saw Haircut, most impressive thing I’d seen in my life not to mention how hot you looked, gonna be boasting about this to Sara and the team when we get back, plus show off my new war wound” Mick said voice filled with pride.

“Oh Mick I’m so sorry, your ankle” Ray started to apologise and he felt Micks thumb gentle stroke across his healing fist.

“Don’t Ray, wasn’t your fault and without you it would have been a lot worse. I’m no stranger to burns and scares but this one I can wear with pride cause it will remind me of the day my awesome boyfriend was a total badass” Mick replied.

“Mick I’m done, I think I just want to go home, go be a Legends again. I’m done trying to figure out my past, those memories bring nothing but trouble I want to look to the future. I’ve got family here now I can come back whenever and learn about my culture but for now I don’t want to be Ray Palmer newly discovered Kryptonian I want to be Ray, The Atom who maybe gets to actually go on dates with his boyfriend will saving the timeline with his friends.” Ray said a little strength returning to him.

“Yeah, I think I’m ready for that plus maybe a trip to the beach, just the two of use, sun, sea, drinks and sex” Mick said smirking.

“Sounds like you guys are planning the honeymoon before the wedding” Alex said as she entered the med bay and both men blushed but too injured to move apart and look less lovely dovey.

“Don’t panic but when you do have one you’d better invite me” Alex continued smiling at them.

Mick was able to pull himself into sitting position being mindful of Ray’s injuries, “Not the marrying type” he replied shortly.

“No because before Ray I would have put money on you saying you’re not the dating type, let alone the epic declarations of love and the desperate need to save your boyfriend because you’re not sure you could live without him type” Alex said knowingly.

“Plus what about you Ray, you def strike me as the happily ever after type” Alex asked Ray.

“We’ll I’ve been engaged twice, proposed both times in fact” Ray started but felt Mick blanch a little.

“But I lost both those loves and learnt you don’t have to be engaged to prove you love someone, I rush into things, this time happy to enjoy what I have and slowly build a future” Ray finished noting that Mick relaxed beside him.

“So Miss GI any reason you came to bother us, apart from putting ideas in Haircuts head” Mick said a little annoyance in his voice.

“I came to thank you both, thank you for protecting me and my sister. Kara is starting to wake and I’m sorry that I overheard the last bit but if you’re willing to stay a few more days we’d love to throw you a party before you head back to your Earth. I did say I owe you drinks” Alex said with smile.

“A party sounds great, I think we deserve a celebration and I think a send-off party would be great, though I promise to return and visit.” Ray said excitement creeping into his voice.

“Yeah I’m not one to turn down free drinks and if Haircut wants a party then that’s what he gets” Mick said contentedly.

“No, so not head over heels in love there Mick and happy to give your boyfriend anything that makes him happy, nope totally not hearing wedding bells in your future” Alex said with a smirk sarcasm dripping of her voice ad Ray new that Mick was giving her a death glare. Alex took the hint and said her goodbyes.

They agreed that a couple of days rest to heal up and then Alex and Kara was going to take them to the most awesome bar they’d ever been to, why so awesome, well aliens apparently and one of the only forms of alcohol that got Kryptonians drunk! Mick was sold! Ray was feeling a lot better somehow everything had worked out, they were all alive and healing, he’d discovered just how much strength he had and how much Mick supported and trusted him. He was in love and it was returned, maybe Alex’s light teasing wasn’t so off the mark but maybe he should focus on going on some proper dates before he started planning his engagement. He’d meant what he said, he’d lost both Anna and Kendra in different ways, he didn’t want to lose Mick to and everything between them was perfect right now, he didn’t need to change a thing. No now was time to rest, heel, enjoy some alone time with Mick and then celebrate everything he had gained before they headed back to their own lives and team.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If people are interest in my art or want to support my projects here are dome links:
> 
> https://ko-fi.com/letzoespoilyou
> 
> https://www.deviantart.com/letzoespoilyou
> 
> Hopefully soon will have a link for the novel I've been working on over this summer too.


	52. Chapter 49

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 49

The next few days may have been the most relaxed Mick had had in years and it was certainly the most chilled he’d ever seen Ray. For one thing Ray had agreed to just relax, no tinkering with the Atom suit, no research or experiments and just being lazy and a little self-indulgent. Mick liked this side of Ray, happy and content for them to just stay in bed, no rising at the crack of dawn, it was pure bliss. Kara and her team had got Mick and Ray a hotel room to spend their recovery time, one with big bay windows and a great view of National City, it had a balcony and plenty of sunlight would flood in each day making Ray’s recovery a lot faster. They’d pretty much been having a couple’s retreat, one that meant long lie ins, room service, beers on the balcony as they watched the sun set. Mick realised how romantic it all was but he was just so damn pleased that they were both alive, both recovering and both actually feeling like a couple.

He wasn’t sure if he should be embracing this new lifestyle, part of him still hated all the lovey dovey crap and he could still picture Len’s face laughing at the person he became around Ray. But the fact remained that both he and Ray had been so close to death that this may have remained a fantasy so that he was damn sure he was going to enjoy this. It wasn’t like they were doing anything truly gross like braiding each other’s hair, or having candlelit dinners or ballroom dancing, or whatever else couples did. So far they’d eaten breakfast in bed, Ray being too tired to complain about the crumbs, binged watched movies, sat in a giant bath tub which Ray had insisted he fill with bubbles and watched the city from the balcony. 

Each day Ray had gotten more relaxed and much healthier. He’d slept most of the first two days and Mick had just sat in bed reading and making sure food was ordered for when Ray was awake and needed to eat. They found choosing movies to watch was pretty easy, most of Rays sci-fi and fantasy films had a lot of action so watching Lord of the Rings was no hardship plus Ray had been dead on when he said Mick would love the Alien films, then they realised they both loved musicals and that was that. Mick had allowed Ray to be a bit more indulgent, hence the bubble bath, something he was never going to tell anyone about but after Ray had offered to rub his back and things had gotten a little more adult he decided this bath business wasn’t so bad. Ray had definitely recovered enough of his energy and who was Mick to deny his love from getting a little frisky in the bath tub. Mick also was going to keep the image of a wet Ray Palmer getting out of the tub while bubbles slowly slid down his body firmly seared into memory.

After that Mick made good on his promise to kiss every inch of Ray’s body and for the first time since getting together they really took their time. They wanted to explore each other, slowly and softly and not like this may be the last time they ever got to have sex. Mick wanted to find every sensitive spot he could on Ray, wanted the man melting and moaning beneath him, he wanted Rays body to feel worshipped and he was going to make sure they had no reason to get out of bed. That is exactly how day four or their little escape went, with the kind of sex Mick never really knew existed or that someone like himself was capable of, tender and loving and more about making each other feel safe and loved than of quick gratification. Ray gave as good as he got, strong hands massaging knots out of Micks back, kissing slowly down his spin and Mick felt secure, secure with himself and with Ray. 

“Never thought I could get used to this” Mick admitted cuddled up in bed with Ray.

“Never thought I’d get this” Ray answered.

“That better not be a hidden dig about your own self-worth Haircut, not even you can claim feeling useless or unwanted after everything we went through and everything you did” Mick said tightening his hold on the resting man.

“No, I know, I feel like I finally got the recognition I was always searching for, the recognition I thought I wanted from my parents and therefore I went out to try and prove my worth. I finally feel like I’m strong enough to face the bad guys and secure enough in my strengths that I am a useful member of the team” Ray continued.

“You were always a useful member of the team, I’ve said it a million times you can science your way out of anything, it’s just that big heart of yours that kept getting you in trouble” Mick answered.

“Yeah well I think this big heart of mine is still gonna get me in trouble if anything happens to you” Ray admitted.

“I hate to admit this Haircut but the same goes for me, and if I really admit it I was putting myself in danger to protect you long before I ever realised why” Mick said.

“We sure took out time realising what this thing between us was didn’t we” Ray replied.

“Understatement, but honestly don’t think I would have been ready earlier, especially after losing Len” Mick replied.

“I’m sorry if I came on too strong after that, I really thought he’d had a plan for us, that he’d have wanted me watching your back. I hadn’t quite realised how my feelings played into that and probably scared you off” Ray contemplated.

“You don’t take no easily, your stubborn and yeah it confused the hell out of me why you suddenly wanted to be partners but really it was good knowing someone had my back and I never thought anyone would be interested in my pain. Guess I underestimated how well you got me and also got what I was feeling.” Mick added

“Losing a loved one hurts, we have so much more in common then we ever really thought about, that anyone else really sees. I wonder what Len would have thought about this” Ray asked.

“He knew, I bet that sneaky bastard knew since the Gulag and was just sitting on the info waiting to see how it played out. I think that’s where your idea that he wanted us to be partners came from, you understood him a little too and that there was something more to him then what others saw. In the end Len loved his family, he was a brother to me and if there was a chance I could find some happiness, that someone saw through all the defences and wanted me, like hell was he not going to nurture that. Though he was gonna tease me rotten about it first, he just never got the chance” Mick explained.

“I’m sorry about what happened, its one thing I will always feel guilty about” Ray said voice a little small.

“Don’t, the past is the past. He’s prob out there somewhere having a good laugh at this touchy feely conversation but ultimately happy we got each other” Mick said voice reassuring.

“Yeah, I think Anna would approve to, knowing I finally got to feel wanted and needed and that emptiness inside isn’t so big” Ray said and flinched slightly.

“Don’t think about them, the Palmers aren’t worth it. They are the villains, they did that shit and you keep proving how much you’re better than them and that you won’t be controlled by their poison” Mick said that tinge of anger creeping back into his voice.

“Those memories Mick, they explain everything, why I never felt like I belonged, why I never thought I was useful, why I throw myself into suicidal situations to prove I’m a good person and why I carry such doubt and self-loathing” Ray replied voice a little shaky and Mick hated that even in all this bliss the Palmers still were trying to ruin it.

“I hate them and as someone who has enough trauma from his own youth I get it but you are a damn good person. We both have a past and shit to deal with but we got each other’s backs. If you’re ever feeling low I got enough love for the both of us so don’t let them in, ok Ray” Mick said and noticed Ray was looking at him with big puppy eyes glassy with tears.

“What the hell why you tearing up, do I need to offer to burn them to a crisp again.” Mick said a little angry that the Palmers were spoiling the moment.

“No Mick, these are happy tears, I’m still so moved every time you say how much you love me, sorry I ruined the mood” Ray said a smile on his face.

“Wait what, of crap ok this got far too mushy. I’m making declarations of love out loud without even realising it now” Mick said with exasperation and before Ray could tease him Mick kissed him hard.

It had been four perfect days of living a life Mick had never even though possible, it had been nothing but eating and sleeping, of sex and movies, of relaxing in luxury and conversation. But all good things come to an end and both he and Ray couldn’t help starting to get antsy. They also both craved the adventure and excitement they’d become accustomed to as part of the Legends. Ray was fully recovered and Mick caught the wistful look directed out into the night sky. Ray wanted to fly, wanted to travel the stars and space again and Mick had to admit that the feeling was mutual. 

“We gotta go face the real world again, don’t we Haircut” Mick asked looking at his boyfriend.

“Sorry Mick, I just can’t sit still, I miss the team and I miss saving the world” Ray said looking a little apologetic.

“Even if it means life and death situations, dangerous enemies and triggers from your past” Mick had to make sure Ray was ready, had to be the voice of reason.

“Mick it’s not like I haven’t loved the past few days, this life we could have but I’ve been a Legends to long, it’s in my blood now and with these powers I could do so much more. I’m sorry” Ray said looking a little dejected.

“Had to make sure, I was getting restless, plus I’m not that young anymore, only so much sex I can have before I need a break” Mick said smug smile on his face.

Ray’s face lit up knowing they were on the same page and it was time for them to go home, be with their friends and ragtag family on the Waverider.

“I’ll call Kara let them know its time, make sure Winn contacts the team to let them know were coming home” Ray said happily before bounding off towards the phone he’d left on the bedroom stand.

Mick took in the hotel room, the life he was leaving behind to go and probably get into fights again, to have to see his boyfriend put himself in dangers way and get hurt again. But the life of a Legends was their life, it was part of who they were now, Ray was a hero and Mick couldn’t just keep him locked up and away from his calling. Mick would have to just do everything to keep Ray safe just as he knew Ray would do the same for him. Being a Legends was stupid at times, dangerous other but also exciting and fun and gave him a sense of belonging, a team and family and now someone to love and who loved him. No matter how dangerous their missions being a Legend had given him far more than it had took. He felt a pang of guilt for Len but Ray had been right Len had had a plan for him and Ray, part of Lens sacrifice had been to give Mick the chance to build a new life with Ray and Mick accepted that. 

Ray came back into the room smiling having gotten off the phone.

“Alex is gonna swing by latter to pick us up and then alien bar send-off it is! Winn has contacted the Waverider and they are going to open a breach for us to return tomorrow. Winn says the team are looking forward to seeing us and can’t wait to hear all the gossip. Also Sara wants to know if we are keeping both our rooms or does she need to rethink everyone’s quarters” Ray said happily but then frowned when Mick looked confused.

“Um Mick you ok?” Ray asked.

“What yes, why what’s wrong with our quarters... wait I don’t know!” Mick said looking a little worried before taking a deep breath.

“Haircut we haven’t exactly talked about what next and well, damn it screw the bar I’m ordering some beer from room service” Mick said going to the room phone.

It wasn’t like he hadn’t thought about him and Ray living together but it all felt like such a fantasy and not really in the realms of reality. Did he want Ray to move into his quarters, he’d have to tidy so much up, was their even space, Ray generally hated crumbs and clutter? What if he moved into Ray’s room, Ray’s clean and organised space, where would Mick even put his stuff? What if one moved next to the other, but then they would have to move someone else. Mick suddenly felt how real this all was and he was a little freaked, he’d never had to think about something as mundane as living arrangements, this was totally out of his wheelhouse, so far from a comfort zone. Somehow facing the decision to move in together seemed harder than fighting Metallo.

He paced for a bit ignoring Rays quizzical look before that expression when something dawned on his boyfriend crept onto Rays face.

“Mick, I mean yeah um, we hadn’t talked about it and I get if you’re not ready, I mean moving in together is a big step, and the Waverider isn’t exactly spacious but I mean this worked. I mean if you want to that is move in together but again totally ok if you don’t, if you want your own space, it’s not like we all don’t share a kitchen, dining room and living area so it’s like a big house share. But maybe you’d like to sleep in my room, not that I’m not comfortable in your room…um” Ray said getting redder in the face.

There was a knock at the door as the beer arrived, before the door was barely closed Mick grabbed two bottles opened both and thrust one at Ray. He knew it wouldn’t effect Ray but he also knew Ray needed a drink too and this was symbolic, he’d downed half his before he finally looked at Ray who was looking sheepish and worried.

“I’m not going back to waking up without you in my bed” Mick said feeling the tinge of red in his cheeks and downing the rest of his beer.

He’d ordered a bucket of six so went to open another one before practically throwing himself down onto the sofa. Ray came to sit beside him a mixture of relief and trepidation.

“I want to wake up with you to Mick, so does this mean we share a room?” Ray asked a little timed.

“What do you think Haircut!?” Mick asked a little snappy from his nerves and the embarrassment he felt at his sentimental statement. He knew Ray knew him well enough to read the feelings behind his tone.

“How about we use my room as the bedroom, only bedroom stuff and yours as a personal hang out, though both keep Tvs for those lazy bed days, well if we ever get those, I mean I don’t remember the last time I had a lie in when on the Waverider, I mean we’re normally up at all kinds of times for missions, saving the day doesn’t really lead to a lot of lazy Sunday mornings..” Ray started to ramble his face red as he too downed his beer to give him something to do.

“Your rambling Haircut but yeah your room has less stuff so it’s the bedroom, my room it’s the man cave. I got my type writer in there plus weights so we can work out together, replace bed with another desk for your laptop so we can both do our thing if we need to. Not like there aren’t plenty of places to go if we need some personal space.” Mick said trying to sound mature and responsible and not at all that he was freaking out because he’d just agreed to move in with Ray.

“Sounds good Mick, I don’t have much stuff in my room so plenty of room for your clothes, plus the desk will be free for Alex and his things. The Atom suit is all set up in a cargo bay so yeah your right we have plenty of places for alone time if we need it, though the workbench for your heatgun is also with the Atom suit, plus we eat together anyway, you’re in the mess a lot since that’s where the beer is and I practice gluten free backing..Um Mick before this how much time did we actually spend apart?” Ray said a small smile on his lips

Mick grunted before he put it together in his head, Ray was right though and he let out a small laugh. Len was so on the money with them, how did they in all honesty not put the pieces together. They were forever in the kitchen and mess together, then they both hung out in the cargo bay working on their projects, they’d started sparring together after Mick had started teaching Ray to use the cold gun but then lost it and they sat together on the bridge, plus forever just turning up at each other’s door, Ray normally to have a heart to heart and Mick to purposely eat something messy to get a rise out of Ray. Was this what the team had seen, was this why the girls had taken bets on when they’d get together.

“Damn it Haircut why’s you have to be so smart. Well ok it’s settled but your gonna have to get a bigger bed that’s my one demand” Mick said leaning back into the sofa. He felt Ray nestle into his side contently.

Mick sipped from his bottle before putting his arm around Ray, damn domestic bliss was gonna make him soft he thought before looking at Rays happy face. Sara was going to tease him so bad when he got back he just knew it!


	53. Chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait between chapters my work load is insane. I have the day job, setting up my own art business and just got a publisher for a novel I wrote. I would love to write more often but got to grab the down time I can me dears.

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 50

Mick had to admit the alien bar was pretty cool, reminded him of some of his and Len’s old haunts. He hadn’t expected that, someone as Girl Scout as Kara hanging at a place like this or the fact that most of the party were made up of DEO members who may as well be the alien police. But apparently these guys were down for a bit of gritty and a bar with real character, Mick knew this place was a winner when they arrived and two guys were having a fight outside and Alex just said to let them be, that this was their mo. They’d start a fight, step outside then decide they were best of mates and come back for more drinks before getting into another fight. Alex and Kara only ever intervened if the fight didn’t make it outside and there was a risk of injury to others or the bar. Kara’s street cred went up a stock in Micks book. The next winner came as Alex ordered the table the usual and everyone was brought a pint and a shot, this team new how to drink, no herbal teas, no fancy whiskey that was too good to even be drunk in the first place. Yep Mick felt pretty relaxed in the place.

He noticed that Ray was just full of excited energy and had barely touched his drink. Ray just kept looking at all the different people on the bar ad asking Kara what planets were they from, how’d they’d even got here and how had this bar even been kept a secret. Mick figured Ray deserved to enjoy this place in his own way, he knew Ray wasn’t a big beer drinker and since it didn’t affect him he wondered if the taste wasn’t worth it. 

“So a toast I think” Alex said picking up her shot glass, “To new friends, battles won and the importance of the family you choose to be a part of” Alex finished and everyone cheered and downed their shot.

The shot hit Mick in an appreciated way but he noticed that Winn cringed a bit while Alex smirked at him and Kara and Ray made a slight face.

“So really no earth liquor is gonna effect Haircut now?” Mick asked.

“Unfortunately not” Kara replied.

“Don’t fret though, Ray got a shot of the same stuff that Kara did, one of the few things that will affect him” Alex explained before adding “whose up for a game of pool?.

Mick was feeling in the mood, comfortable in this place and secure knowing Ray was comfortable too. He figured why not as he and Alex headed to the pool table both downing their beers. Alex signaled for another round as Kara said she and Ray were opting out of the beers for cocktails. Mick assumed said cocktails were going to be mixed with this alien liquor that could get Kryptonians drunk. 

“So I’m assuming we’re playing for something, normally I’d say money or at least drinks but as I ain’t got no money on this earth bit stuck on that front.” Mick asked trying to think of a worthy bet.

“No problem Mick, drinks were on me anyway. But how about if I win then you have to tell me some juicy details about you and Ray” Alex said with a smirk.

“You looking for tips there, GI Jane?” Mick said with a smirk, he could think of worse things than sharing a sex story.

“Oh know Mick I want to know your most romantic moment, when did you realise you were so in love with Ray. I want embarrassingly honest feelings” Alex said with a knowing grin.

Yep damn the women she was smart and having to share feelings and anything lovely dovey was definitely worse. Mick also knew that he’d spent most of his life in places like this playing against low life criminals who cheated most of this time. He’d learnt to hustles in his childhood and learnt to con from the best so there was no way he was losing a game of pool against someone raised alongside Supergirl and worked for the government. 

“You’re on and if I win I want one of you fancy guns, or those mini bombs and maybe something with magnets in case I drop my heatgun in a fight” Mick said.

“Sounds good Mick, I get a lovely romantic story and you get some new toys, I will get your heatgun hooked up with the magnets so if you ever drop it it will return and got some nice explosives I think you’ll enjoy. Of course these new toys have nothing to do with making sure your boyfriend is protected” Alex said with a wink.

Mick tried to hide the look of being caught out and for a heartbeat he wondered if he was underestimating Alex’s pool skills judging by how well she knew how to read him. Nope he was going to win this, romantic moments were just for him and Ray. Plus he really did want some of those new toys. Thus a rather intense game of pool started, things had been going well for Mick but he very much realised that somehow Alex was just as cunning with a pool que as he was and the game could go either way.

“You know if you want romantic stories just wait for Ray to finish his drink and there will be no holding the idiot back” Mick said trying to distract Alex.

“Yeah but there’s no challenge in that, Ray is guaranteed to tell me some lovely things but hearing it from you, I think will make them all the sweeter” Alex replied showing no signs of dropping the ball so to speak.

It was so close now, just then Mick realised they’d gathered a little audience wanting to see what was a rather drawn out and intense game of pool. Both he and Alex had matched play for play but also beer for beer and shot for shot and Mick could feel the buzz of alcohol. It wasn’t enough to distract from the game, he had his dignity to look after and with a win new toys to also help keep his boyfriend safe. Damn it, it was those kind of mushy thoughts he’d have to let spill if he lost concentration. 

“Looks like that Kara girl has found another man, where does she find these guys, each one more chiselled and off the pages of some hero comic. Yeah he’s gorgeous, look at that smile. That’s a guy that will treat you right!” Came the voice of a women in the crowd talking to her friend. 

Mick was about to blurt out angrily that not only was he trying to concentrate but from the look on the women’s faces could they stop looking at his man like he dessert and they wanted to eat him alive. Considering they were weren’t human that could have been a possibility.

“Gross guys that’s her cousin and stop looking at him with intent. I know your species so no pheromone doping ok!” Alex said looking at the two women.

They clearly knew Alex either by reputation or in person because they nodded in agreement with a look of knowing that they’d be in big trouble if they disobeyed. 

“Surely it wouldn’t hurt if we just spoke to him, our natural charm no other influence. Come on Alex you don’t get men that good looking in here that often” one women said with a little bit of an eye flutter as if she thought Alex would also fall for the charm.

“Sorry ladies he’s taken and unless you want to enrage his rather possessive boyfriend I’d just let this one go” Alex replied nodding at Mick.

The two women looked crestfallen both muttering “figures” before following Alex’s gaze to Mick and turning a little pale as he leveled his best death glare at them. Yep there was no way they were going to try anything as they sauntered off to go talk to another group in the bar.

“Come on Mick I haven’t even won the game and your giving me overprotective boyfriend over hear. People have eyes you know and it’s hard to miss that Kryptonians seem to be genetically formed like modern day Greek gods so you are gonna have to get used to Ray getting ogled a bit” Alex said.

Truthfully Mick hadn’t given this a thought, yeah he’d have to be blind to not see Ray as the handsome perfectly formed man he was, and anyone would. Mick would never deny that his boyfriend was hands down the hottest person in this bar but they’d spent so long as part of the Legends crew and barely around normal people or out and about doing normal things he hadn’t thought how’d people react. Mick knew that none of his team mates were about to snatch Ray away, even his jealousy of Nate and Ray’s friendship wasn’t a concern but yeah in a bar just being casual, someone was bound to notice a hot guy like Ray. Mick was gonna find that tough knowing others were eying up his man, maybe even hitting on him without realizing he was with Mick. Did this mean Mick was gonna have to hover near Ray protect him from unwanted advances or just make sure that no one tried in the first place.

Ray must have sensed that Mick was looking at him as he turned to meet Micks gaze and gave a little wave with a great big dopey grin on his face. Mick’s heart skipped a beat, then he berated himself for being so happy that Ray acknowledge him. Mick was about to go back to the game, he was on his last shot this was going to be the winning shot and he saw that Ray was heading over. Perfect Ray was gonna witness his victory. Then Ray was approached by a guy, someone from the group that those flirtatious women had joined. Mick couldn’t tell what he said to Ray, there was a gesture that could be read as “were alike” and a polite smile from Ray, then a gesture to the bar and Ray beamed but shook his head. Ok Mick wanted to go and punch the guy, but this was a good test to not be over possessive and showed he trusted Ray and knew their relationship was solid and couldn’t be threatened by random pick up artists.

The guy had clearly offered to buy Ray a drink and Ray had politely turned him down. Ray started to walk away when the guy casually put his hand on Ray’s bicep to stop him walking and leaned in a little closer. Ray looked perplexed at something that was whispered into his ear and Mick saw red, completely missing his shot as he stood up straight ready for a fight. The he noticed that Ray looked angry as he brushed the guy’s hand of his arm and went to step away. Mick was already in motion it was one thing to hit on his man, it’s another to upset him. The guy was persistent though and put his arm out to stop Ray’s path and placing his hand on Ray’s hip as if to steer him away.

As Mick approached he heard they guy say something along the lines of “don’t play hard to get” and “come on look at us, it will be fun”. Ray made a slightly disgusted face and even though Mick felt his temper boil he also was loving seeing his boyfriend be assertive and not take shit from this guy. Mick was a few paces away vaguely aware that Alex was telling him to stay calm when Ray took the guys wrist and removed his hand from his hip with a polite smile on his face and a “no thank you, real fun has just arrived”.

Mick didn’t even had a second to process what Ray said when he found his boyfriend step right into his personal space, grab him by his shirt collar and place a searing kiss on his lips. Well who was Mick to argue with that as he immediately placed his hands on Ray’s hips and returned the kiss with full fever? When they pulled apart Mick was aware of some cheering and cat calls but mostly Ray’s giddy slightly tipsy expression. Mick turned to the now sour faced man and said,

“Scram! Touch my boyfriend again and I will burn you to a crisp!” He mustered his venom and cold stare as the man paled and sulked off.

“Thanks Mick, thanks for coming over” Ray said looking a little uncomfortable.

“Yeah Like I was going to let some idiot paw at you.” Mick said still a little anger in his voice before adding in more relaxed tone, “You ok Haircut?”

“Yeah, he was just really intense and I didn’t want you to think I can’t handle myself or you have to guard me, sorry I took you away from your game” Ray said a little sheepishly clearly he’d not been as confident with the guy as he’d let on and that made Mick want to follow the man and punch him.

“Guy was a prick, worlds full of em, you showed him and if you want me to go punch him for making you feel uncomfortable just say the word. As for the match, it’s only a game, having your back always comes first.” Mick said and was rewarded with one of Rays loving and winning smiles.

“Well I say you both deserve another round of drinks for that, oh and Mick I win” Alex said gesturing at the cleared pool table with her elbow as she past Mick a commiseration shot. They downed said shot as Alex signalled for another round to be sent to their table and smiled triumphantly at Mick.

“Damn It!” Mick cursed, “Ok fine but that wasn’t a fair win and you know it!”

“All’s fair in pool, hustle and love” Alex said with a smirk and Ray just looked puzzled.

“But don’t worry Mick that little display and those beautiful words qualify as my winnings” Alex said with a smile before heading back to the rest of the group.

“I’m missing something aren’t I” Ray said looking at Mick curiously.

“Don’t worry that pretty head of yours Haircut, I lost a bet but the nights still young” Mick said and the two of them returned to the table.

Mick sat in his seat happy to down half his beer to wash away the slight embarrassment of that very public display of affection. The rest of the party giggling at him and even J’onn saying “that was a beautiful moment”. Mick tried to glare at them but the drinks were staring to loosen him up and he thought “fuck it” they weren’t laughing at him they just found the whole thing sweet. Ray was still standing he was waiting for Kara who was bringing him another cocktail, Rays back was still slightly up after his encounter and Mick knew he didn’t have time to worry about looking like a romantic fool when he wanted his boyfriend to feel relaxed and safe and to enjoy his evening. Mick reached out grabbed a belt hook on Ray’s jeans and pulled the man until Ray landed on his lap.

Ray made an embarrassed little yelp that Mick wasn’t going to admit was very cute and he made sure Ray was supported and comfortable sprawled on Mick like the oversized puppy he was. 

“Now there is no doubt on who you’re with!” Mick said resting one hand on Ray’s knee and giving the bar a definite look that said, “This man is mine”.

Ray though knew this wasn’t a possessive gesture, that was for show and that Mick was offering him reassurance and safety. Kara came over to hand Ray his drink adding “you two really are cute together”.

“Damn right we are!” Mick answered looking rather proud of himself as Ray blushed.

“Geez, how does your crew cope with this level of PDA and general loved up vibes?” Winn asked a little look of jealousy but it faded for more general amusement, clearly coming to terms with the fact that Mick and Ray really did make a good looking couple.

“The same way we do whenever one of their relationships is on display, we just accept it as part of our weird life” Mick said.

“Yeah being a Legends brings a fair share of odd experiences into one’s life, having a functional relationship is a little rarer and a lot more normal in comparison so I think we just accept and are happy for each other” Ray said a moment of clarity before taking another sip and smiling.

“I do believe I am starting to feel the buzz” Ray announced.

“I am so gonna be the one that carry’s you back to the hotel tonight” Mick said but there was more affection than annoyance in the statement.

“No No I want to fly you back” Ray said before giving it a thought, “Well maybe there should be a no drink and fly rule”.

“If it helps our metabolism means that you won’t get a hangover tomorrow so flying to the DEO isn’t gonna be a problem” Kara said looked a little tipsy herself.

“Perfect so I can drink as much as I want and my very doting boyfriend can carry me home!” Ray said giving Mick a peck on the cheek.

“Brilliant” Mick said, “Maybe before you get too wasted I should ask for a lap dance as payment for this service I’m going to perform” he added.

The rest of the table blanched a little, J’onn then just smiled that smile knowing parents get when they just have to accept their kids just want to have some fun and Alex’s eyes twinkled a little as if half tempted to encourage Ray to do so. Ray then jumped up putting the empty glass down and announced “Dancing!”

Mick stomach dropped, there was no way he was gonna dance but lucky for him Kara also slammed her glass down and said “yes dancing, first another cocktail, then more dancing”. Kara broke out into giggles waving at the bar staff.

“I think I might play chaperon for a little bit” Alex said before heading with Ray and Kara to the bar.

Mick watched the trio for a bit as they got their drinks, headed to a juke box and preceded to dance very badly. At least Mick didn’t have to worry about Ray breaking out any sexy dance moves because apparently Kryptonian dancing involved a lot of jumping up and down and waving arms. 

“You’re a good man Mick Rory” Came the dignified voice of J’onn, “your love for Ray is strong and a thing to be admired”.

“Um Thanks” Mick said with quirked eyebrow.

“Continue as you are and he will be by your side for the rest of your life, I recognise a soul mate when I see one” J’onn continued as if this was a normal conversation.  
Mick wasn’t exactly sure how to reply to this, suddenly feeling like he should join the dancing well jumping part of the party.

“Yeah well, Rays the good one. I wouldn’t be this version of me without him” Mick admitted.

“I didn’t see it a first and again I’m sorry I flirted with Ray but you guys are good together. It’s a pretty special bond” Winn admitted. “But now I think I’m gonna join that rabble.” Winn added before joining the rest leaving Mick and J’onn.

“Getting to choose your own family, that is why I stayed with the Legends. Ray is why I’m grateful to the Legends” Mick admitted not knowing why he felt he could be so open with this Martian man.

“I think you already know everything I can say, you two are going to have happy life together but for now I am feeling my age and will take my leave” J’onn said excusing himself.  
Mick nodded a good bye before looking at the silly group in front of him and felt a pang for the Legends. He missed that group of misfits and the shenanigans they had together and was glad they’d be back in their own world with his friends and family soon. He was grateful to everyone here but he wanted to go home. He wanted to go start this new chapter of his life with Ray. Maybe just maybe this new chapter could involving dancing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all being such supportive and wonderful readers, from those that comment and like to those that are just enjoying the fic, it all matters to me. The fact that people have the time and patience and love to read what I write means a lot.  
> On the other side I may have a little writing break because of those that arn't so kind and understanding. I got a few messages on my tumblr that hurt and feel more like bullying. These kill my love and inspiration, squash my desire to write and make me question why I write fanfiction.   
> I have a week off in 4 weeks time and then I will continue this fic once I get over some of the hate mail.   
> Thank you everyone!


	54. Chapter 51

Staring at the Sun  
Chapter 51

Mick woke the next morning with the expected hangover but it could have been worse as he’d made the very adult decision to not get black out drunk because he wanted to make sure Ray got to enjoy this night to the fullest. If that meant curbing his love of drinking so that he could carry a very drunk Ray Palmer home than so be it. Unfortunately upon waking he was greeted by the very cheery face of Ray looking at him.

“Enough with the beaming adoration Haircut” Mick grumbled his voice still gruff from sleep.

“I wanted to say thank you for last night and that I liked your dancing” Ray beamed at him.

“That wasn’t dancing I barely swayed while you flailed about me” Mick said and truthfully he had kind of just stood there taping a foot and swaying a bit while Ray lost all inhibitions and if you asked Mick sanity, as he did what he was calling dancing.

“You were still up there with me and that made me happy so I thought I’d let you know” Ray said smiling cutely.

“Well I’d like you to maybe keep that between us I’m not ready for Sara’s teasing plus you thanked me plenty last night” Mick said sitting up in bed and deciding breakfast was the next port of call before noticing Ray blush deeply.

“Not like that Haircut although I would have preferred that to the stream of drunken “thanks you’s” and “Do you know how much I looove you” Mick said in a sappy voice noticing Ray’s face practically go purple.

“And the answer is your welcome and the feelings mutual but I’m glad you can’t get drunk on regular alcohol, Ray unleashed is more affection than I’m used to” Mick finished swinging his legs off the bed and looking for something to put on.

“Mick if I made you uncomfortable I’m sorry” Ray started but Mick just grabbed him by his collar and pulled him into a kiss.

Once they broke apart Ray blinking a bit before saying “I know I’ll shut up now and you’ll be pleased to know I already made breakfast, Kara was right, not a slither of a hangover” Ray said jumping up and walking towards the kitchen with a spring in his step.

Mick smiled throwing on some clothes and following his boyfriend to breakfast. The morning passed quickly with breakfast being demolished pretty fast and Mick could tell Ray was getting excited for going on home but also conflicted about saying goodbye to the family he had hear. Mick decided not to push it, they both knew they had to go back, they wanted to go back and it wasn’t like they could never return but goodbyes aren’t always easy even when they were for all the right reasons. Mick could feel Ray pretty much vibrate with excitement and a slight impatience that Mick understood. He wanted to be home, aboard the Waverider with his boyfriend, ready to continue life as a Legend. This was why he made sure to keep his shower quick and be dressed and ready to go.

Mick was ready and waiting as Ray lifted him to fly to the DEO for their final goodbye, he had a sudden flashback to a night in a museum, Ray in his Atom suit lifting him so his back was flush against his and his arms thread under Micks armpits to rest on his chest. Mick had felt self-conscious and aroused, panicked and confused by the feelings but now it felt right and he was ok letting control go to the other man. Ray took off immediately not too fast so that Mick felt that pressure from being moved faster than his body could really deal with but fast enough to make good time to the DEO. It would be their last flight over the city for a while but as fast as the thought arrived they were touching down at the DEO to the smiling faces of Kara, Alex, Winn and J’onn.

Ray was beaming and Mick could tell that at any moment he was going to burst into tears, his kind heart finally realising this was goodbye. 

“Don’t hold back Haircut I won’t tell the guys back home” Mick said giving his boyfriend the ok to let the tears slide down his cheek.

Ray went and hugged everyone before he and Kara just held each other clearly talking about reunions, being welcomed back whenever and their new family bond. Mick was happy for Ray, he deserved to have a family that meant something, a family that wasn’t the Palmers.

“You’re not as tough as you let on” Alex said offering Mick a hand to shake.

“Yeah well neither are you, take care of that sister of yours she’s the best family Haircut has” Mick said giving Alex a strong handshake.

“And you take care of that Boyfriend of yours plus from where I’m standing he’s got a pretty good family” Alex replied smirking with delight as Mick wasn’t fast enough to hide the red tint on his face.

“Yeah well…so about my winnings” Mick said changing the subject.

“Don’t fear I’ve got a crate of weapons that might interest you and some of that choice alcohol for those special occasions you need an excuse to dance with your boyfriend” Alex said with a wink.

Mick choose to ignore the statement trying to spot these crates of goodies. This was when Ray and Kara had finally decided their moment was over and Alex went to join the pair so Mick had no option but to follow. Now the whole group was together, Winn was shaking Ray’s had before he turned to Mick and passed him a small mental rectangular container. 

“Alex said this was for you, a parting gift. I hope you don’t mind but I used your Atom suit to shrink some stuff, make it easier for you to transfer home, also I made you something, something I think you’ll enjoy wearing so you better let me know how it fits and what you think when you’ve tried it on” Winn explained and Mick understood where his ‘supplies were’.

“Oh and I put in a Kryptonian crystal and a listening device Ray, recorded some messages and as much of the historical library from the fortress as it could fit so you can learn more about our people and their culture” Kara said smiling and Mick could tell Ray was close to tears once again.

“It’s been a pleasure getting to know you, all of you. I have no idea what I would have done without you, how my life would have turned out. I owe you so much” Ray said looking around the group.

“No Ray Palmer, it was a pleasure to welcome you into the family, you are a hero and rare example of purity and selflessness. It was out honour and we wish you and Mick the very best.” J’onn said in his calm but fatherly tone.

“Yeah been an adventure, thanks you taking care of Haircut” Mick began but really he didn’t know what to say, he was lost for words and this level of affection wasn’t his strong suit. “Next time you come to our Earth I’ll get the first round” Mick finished knowing this group would get the gesture. Ray smiled at him and took his hand.

“I think this is finally it, our Earth. Feels like a lifetime” Ray said smiling.

“Well let’s not keep you any longer” Winn said pressing the device that opened breaches and they watched as the blue portal opened.

“Don’t be strangers” Winn said as Mick saw Alex go to put her arm around Kara to comfort her as she waved them off.

Mick looked at Ray squeezing his hand and without words they knew it was time. Both men stepped through the breach sensing that shift and change in reality before stepping out onto the bridge of the Waverider to beaming faces. Well a few beaming faces, in fact faces that were both ecstatic to see them and yet clearly worried and trying not to let them know.

“Ray” came the over excited voice of Nate as he practically threw himself at Ray. The two men jumped up and down in joy as if they were school girls only stopping when Nate noticed Mick glare at him. 

“Buddy it’s so good to see you, god you must have so much to tell us, I want to know everything. Oh and we missed you to Mick” Nate added trying to appease the glare.  
Mick took pity on the man, “Don’t look so scared, what you think I’m gonna throw a punch just cause you threw yourself and my man” he said watching Nate squirm.

“No, well would you, he wouldn’t would he Ray” Nate said a little panicky.

“I mean I’ve seen him do it and turns put Mick is just very extremely protective and really he only does it cause he loves me” Ray replied smiling at Mick.

Mick cursed at that, it had gone from him teasing Nate to Ray turning it into a way to tease Mick.

“I am so glad to see some things haven’t changed and you have no idea who much I want to hear every little detail of your time with team Supergirl” Sara started to explain.

“There’s a but isn’t there, of course it wouldn’t be easy. So go on Blondie what horrible disaster have we just returned to.” Mick said folding his arms across his chest.

“Actually yeah where is everyone, not to sound selfish but thought our return would be a little more eventful” Ray said but even in his voice Mick could hear the worry.

“I hate to throw you in the deep end when you’ve just returned but 4 days ago all hell broke loose” Sara said walking towards the central computer and getting Gideon to bring up displays.

It looked like there was definitely a large anomaly effecting the time line and things were very much not ok. 

“Sara what is going on, some of these sites look like war zones” Ray said looking at the various displays.

“Your pretty much on the money there Ray, Star Labs is currently under siege which is where Jax and Martin are, let alone Palmer Tech back in Star City where Amaya is helping Team arrow” Sara began to explain.

“You’re telling me we go away and return to what. Cities under siege and the rest of the crew spread out. Who the hell is attacking and why?” Mick said unable to keep the anger out.

“Hey Calm down, we are trying our best but the only thing we know is it is somehow connected to Ray” Nate relied and Mick spun to look at his boyfriend.

“To me, ok yeah I suppose my company is under siege and well I do have dealings with Star Labs but it’s a thin link” Ray said but his voice was shaky and Mick knew his boyfriend was already blaming himself, already thinking that this was because he left.

“I am sorry to tell you this but 4 days ago Rip sent us info from the Time Bureau that somehow the timeline had changed and that the future was changing unless we get it back on track quickly. The thing is the point of origin was, I’m sorry Ray but the disappearance of Sydney Palmer. The attacks coincide with your brother going missing.” Sara said trying not to let the guilt show in her voice or that sense she was adding more onto his burdens.

“Sydney’s gone, wait how, why, who took him?” Ray said starting to panic.

“I’m sorry buddy we really don’t know who took him or how this is related, the only clue we have is that those on the attack are some kind of private militia judging by their tactics and how well armed they are. They have some serious tech and it’s taking everything on Team Flash and Team Arrow to hold them off” Nate added again sounding like he hated himself for having to tell Ray this.

“Ray I’m so sorry and we will do everything to find your brother and I hate to ask you” Sara started but Ray stilled into a look of determination.

“I know Sara but Sydney doesn’t have any enemies, well not that I ever really heard of. He’s had very few competitors or rivals really well unless you include me. I mean our tech sometimes went head to head and truthfully my company ended up being the more financially secure and influential but we never really talked about that. We didn’t really talk much actually once the divide in our profit margins and advancements became public knowledge. I don’t know why anyone would go after him...” Ray trailed off guilt and worry etched all over his body.

“Sounds to me like someone targeted your brother to get to you Haircut. This ain’t your fault it just some damn coward who knows you’re too strong to target and is letting this private militia do their dirty work, if they are indeed related.” Mick said going to put a supportive hand on his lovers shoulder, he didn’t want Ray to bare this weight alone.

“The only info we have to go on is that when Sydney was last seen he was in the presence of someone with the same uniform as those that are attacking your building in Star City and Star labs” Sara explained.

“I know you’ve been through hell, and god knows what you may have been through while you’ve been away. I hate myself for asking you this but I need you to try and remember, Mick don’t glare at me but this is about finding Rays brother, saving the timeline and stopping the sieges. If it wasn’t the only option I wouldn’t ask Ray but I need you to think back to search your memories.” Sara said looking distraught as he talked to Ray.

Ray was stiff as a board his face going white as he bit his lower lip, the last thing Mick wanted was for him to remember anything from his past that could cause more harm then good but Sara was clearly desperate and Ray may be the key.

“I hate this Ray and I’m totally with you if you say no, well find another way to help find your brother and sort out this mess” Mick said trying to keep his mixed feelings and growing sense of dread under wraps.

“It’s ok Mick, this is important, this is bigger than us there’s more at stack and if something in my memory can help I have a duty and a responsibility to do everything I can to help” Ray said his voice trembling as he covered Micks hand with his.

“Ok Sara what do you need me to remember?” Ray asked composing himself.

“Ray what can you tell me about Cadmus?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so hoping more chapters will get updated over the next few weeks. Poor health and mental health have both been a factor but I'm doing better and finding my love of writing again.
> 
> Update: I'm very tired and truthfully as much as I love this story can't find the strength or motivation to continue so if it is just becoming a mess and people aren't enjoying reading it I won't continue.

**Author's Note:**

> Do come chat to me at my tumblr http://letzoespoilyou.tumblr.com/


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